THE WEEKLY HANDICAP AND OTHER CLARIVOYANCES - WEEK 8

Other than the Panther’s victory over the Deadskins, and the two blowouts I accurately predicted, I absolutely stunk up the blog last week. And although I correctly identified the Miami-Broncoid game as the top stinker of the day, I INCORECTLY picked the Dull-phins as the winner.

Ughh.

A dismal 5-8, possibly the worst picking I’ve ever done since I’ve started this blog.

With my fermented pain reliever at the ready, I slap the keyboard, and rev up the clairvoyance gland, and redeem myself. This week, other than a trio of hot conference games, is made up primarily of potential blowouts and stinkers. Welcome to Week 8, the halfway point already for a season that’s seemed to have FLOWN by -

INDIANAPOLIS @ TENNESSEE

What’s incredible to me is, how quickly the overall fan base has acclimated to the Colts positively sucking as bad as any team sucking in the league this year. What I’m wondering is, how MUCH of a difference would Peyton being back healthy REALLY would have made? Peyton Manning doesn’t play defense, and this Colt defense is getting gashed in ways that would have been inconceivable even last season. The Titans are reverting to the mediocre-to-bad team I’d thought they’d be at the start of the season, but they are clearly better than the Colts. I would think Chris Johnson gets going here. The 8 ½ point line is massive for this game, but after the beatdown Indy got last week, I just can’t imagine them having the stones to cover. Even to a division rival. Reluctantly, I encourage you to go to the Titans and the – 8 ½.

JACKSONVILLE @ HOUSTON

Another absolutely BAFFLING score to me was the 12-7 score of last Monday night’s regurgitation of a ball game at All-Smell stadium at Jacksonville. How on earth does Maurice Jones-Drew put the ball on the ground 4 TIMES, and the Jaggywhyers STILL beat the RAVENS???!!! THE RAVENS???!!! That had to be a LOOOOOOOONG trip back home for Fired Up, Captain Defense, Poetic Justice and co. I just don’t get it. The one thing that I can fall back on is that MOST NFL teams are a collection of professionals who are proud of their craft, and on any given game day… well, you know the tired old axiom. Houston rode Foster big time last week, and he definitely delivered. They’ll need more than the running game to dent a suddenly confident Jaggy-whyers squad. This is a game that the Texans are going to HAVE to win, but certainly not by that stupefying -9 ½ that they are favoured by. I DEFINITELY encourage you to take the Jags and the points.

MINI-SODA @ CAROLINA

I touched on this briefly in my post-game rant last week. Adrian Peterson is the league’s leading rusher. That’s incredibly BAD news for one of the league’s WORST rushing defenses. Somehow, Rivera and his Cam-a-lots are going to have to scheme strongly to stop this potent rusher, and then – force rookie QB Ponder to beat them. I have faith that this growing football staff will figure this out. Because one of the BETTER pass defenses in the league is believe it or not, this Carolina squad. And one of the WORST pass defenses in the league belongs to these horn-adorned helmet wearers visiting this Sunday. I think Peterson will get his yards, but they won’t be enough to blunt the relentless attack of Chudzinsky’s offensive monster he created. Some lines have gone as high as -4 for the Panthers. Take them with confidence.

NEW ORLEANS @ SAD LOOEY

After last weeks total embarrassment of the Dolts, the hobbled coach Peyton will need to convince his Saints team that the Lambs are good enough to beat them in their home dome. I don’t think that will be a problem. Sad Looey has surprisingly hit the bottom of the league after such an encouraging season last year. I have all the confidence in the world in this New Orleans team to blow them out. Maybe not like last week, but very convincingly, by two touchdowns at least.

ARID-ZONA @ BALTY-MOORE

WHAT THE *^#@! %$* WAS UP WITH THE RAVENS LAST MONDAY NIGHT???!!! The failure of this team to perform to their usual high standard COULD be blamed on the coaching staff taking the Jaggy- Whyers FAR too lightly. This team is simply too talented to allow an inferior team to beat them, on ANY field. I think the Cardy-noles have regressed significantly since the opener, and the Raven’s defense will be playing like someone bitch-slapped their mamma. THEY will be the ones scoring points on Sunday, and the beleaguered Flac-a-lots will chip in a few. Harbaugh and company would do well to learn from their Monday night debacle, and come in focused. Arid-zona NEVER does well against the spread playing an early East Coast game. With a bit of hesitation, I encourage you to take that massive – 13 ½ point line for the Quothers.

MIAMI @ NOO YAWK FOOTBALL GIANTS

With two weeks rest, and one of the very WORST Dull-phin teams in memory coming to Joisey, I’d expect the GEEEEMen to pad their record with a thorough a$$ whoopin’ over this winless team. Coughlin would certainly have a coronary if HIS G’ints would be the FIRST team to slip on the Phish this season. Don’t count on it. Take the Giants and the -10 ½.

WARSHINGTOON @ BUFFALO @ TOE-RON-TOE, CAM-A-DA

The NFL continues to push its “international appeal” to our brothers to the north. Canada’s adopted NFL team, the Bills, gets to host the plummeting DeadSkins in a CFL stadium. With the loss of their only real rushing and receiving threats in Moss and Hightower, the DeadSkins are in trouble. I’m counting on Buffalo wearing out their defense much like the Panthers did last week, and Fred Jackson will rumble through them, keeping the surprising Bills near the top of the conference standings. The line is -6 for Buffalo, but I see this turning into a blowout.

DETROIT @ DENVER

I think the REAL Timmy Tebow is the one that flopped around Land Shark Stadium like a harpooned mud shark, and not the fighter that rallied for a paltry two minutes against one of the very worst teams in the league last week. It will be borne out this Sunday against a FAR better Lions team that DESPERATELY wants to get back on the winning side. Stafford’s hurting, but he’ll play. The line’s only -3 points for the Leos, but this to me for all the world feels like a blowout, too.

NEW ENGLANDGLAND @ PISSBURGH

This is one of those Hitler vs. Stalin games to me. Despite my intense dislike of Dr. Cheatin’-Chek and his Pastry-Rots, I’m going to have to stitch the swastika on those Squeelers this Sunday. Comrade Bradyski has shown an uncanny mastery over Das Squeelers over the past decade, and I think it will continue. The wild card is the resurgent Squeeler offense, which shouldn’t have a problem scoring on that quite vincible Patrioski defense. This could be the most entertaining game of the afternoon, and probably worth hanging out in the lot WAY past 6.00 PM watching it on Brain’s new satellite tv receiver! The gulag of New Englandglandski is favored by -3 over the Schwarzz und Gelt Nazis of Pissburgh. Take Stalin.

CLEVELANDLAND @ SAN FRANCISCO

If there was ever a trap game for the division leading Niners, it would be this one. For me, the Browns have been quite disappointing this season, and managing a mere 6 points over a vastly inferior team last week in a VICTORY, no less, doesn’t bode well going against a team that’s regained it’s swagger. I have a feeling that these Niners play down to their competition Sunday afternoon, and the Brownies cover. Take Clevelandland and the 8 ½.

CINCINNATI @ SEATTLE

Ugh. Another game that has potential to be a big stinker. The Bungles have a much better defense, and the Giants did them a favor in showing them two weeks ago how to lose to a bad Seahawks team. Bungles by a field goal.

DALLAS @ PHILTYDELPHIA

Ahhhh, at last, a prime time game ACTUALLY WORTH staying up for! It’s no secret that these two teams and fan bases absolutely HATE each other, and I’m sure you’ll see it played out on the field. Philty has yet to play its best football, as do the Cowboys, but both are improving. I’m taking the Feeguls’ distinct dysfunction into play as well as the electric Dallas offense as I lean to Dallas and the +3 ½.

SAN DIEGO @ KANSAS SHITTY

One of the biggest surprises to me last week was the THUMPING the Raiders took AT HOME to this suddenly resurgent Chefs team! The rabid and dedicated fans at Arrowhead will be sure to make a tremendous amount of noise in welcoming the now 3-3 team back home with a CHANCE TO TAKE THE LEAD in the division with a win, unthinkable three weeks ago. The team is doing it with defense, but Rivers and co. will be the toughest of tests for these guys. They’ll make it a contest early, but I see the Boltz pulling away in the second half. Take San Diego and -3 ½.

There you go fanz, your survival guide to one of the slackest weekends of football in recent memory.
When your big payday hits, don’t forget to libate your Cedar Street Seer when you see him

See you in the lot Sunday!

Last week – UGHHH! 5-8
Season – 57-42

Gotta Comment?
Email me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com