THE WEEKLY HANDICAP AND OTHER CLARIVOYANCES - WEEK 4

I’m wore out, both physically and mentally from this bonzai up to Philadelphia for my grandmother’s funeral. But I’m back home early enough to sneak the quick picks in before midnight. I’m confident I can keep this winning streak going, as I went 9-7 last week. I won’t break these down like I usually do as I don’t have the time or the mental energy to do that, but the Force still flows strongly from my clairvoyance gland -

Here we go fanz, place your bets with confidence –

DETROIT @ DALLAS

Dallas’ offense took a beating from the Deadskins last Monday night, but their defense has definitely improved. Detroit is bringing a potent offense and nasty defense. This is more and more looking like the Leo’s year. Dallas is favored by 1 ½, but I like the Lions to win straight up!

NEW ORLEANS @ JACKSONVILLE

The Jaggy-whyers are a mess. And getting messier. The Saints are getting their legs under them, and I would advise you to take the visiting favorite and the -7.

SAN FRANCISCO @ PHILTHYDELPHIA

Whiny Mike Vick says he’ll play. Maybe he’ll get some calls this week. I do think that the Niners keep this close. 8 ½‘s a heavy spread, and I’m thinking San Francisco covers.

WARSHINGTOON @ ST. LOOEY

But for some stupid mistakes made on both sides of the ball by Warshingtoon, they’re 3-0 going into this game at the TransWorld Dome. It may be foolish, because I KNOW the Deadskins are the better team, but like I said the week before, I cannot favor a team that Wrecks-Grossman starts for. I’m picking the Lambs to win. They HAVE to get off the schnide sometime. Tomorrows’ the day.

TENNESSEE @ CLEVELANDLAND

Losing WR Kenny Britt has GOT to hurt the Titans, especially since overpaid Chris Johnson has yet to show up. He likely does the same tomorrow. As I have every game so far this season, I CAUTIOUSLY lean to the Brownies…

BUFFALO @ CINCINNATI

If the Bills are for real, this is a game they have to win. The Bungle’s offense isn’t very productive, but their defense is fairly stout. Many pundits are picking the Bungles in a letdown game for Buffalo, but I’m not a pundit. I’m the Cedar Street Seer, and I have faith in the Bills. Take ‘em and the -3 on the road.

MINI-SODA @ KANSAS SHITTY

One of these 0-3 teams is going to win tomorrow. I will choose the team with Adrian Peterson.

CAROLINA @ CHICAGO

The Bears have been vastly underachieving this season so far, with their lone win coming over the dysfunctional Duckies. Their offense isn’t moving the ball that well, and Carolina’s defense hasn’t been nearly as bad as we’d feared. If we can force Cutler into some turnovers, I think the Panthers keep this close. On this day, Julius Peppers meets his match in athletic freakishness in Cam Newton. Panthers to cover the +6 ½.

PISSBURGH @ HOUSTON

The Squeelers looked ordinary against a vastly undermanned but determined Colts team last week. Perhaps they will be more motivated against a team of superior talent. That beat-up Squeeler O-line won’t hold up to the Texan’s blitz. Take the Texans and -4.

ATLANTA @ SEATTLE

The good news for the Duckies is that they will be on the SeaDogs’ fast turf. The bad news- this is a team that STILL doesn’t have its legs yet. The running game hasn’t materialized, and Ryan isn’t playing up to his standard. More good news for the Duckies – the SeaDogs SUCK. I hate to take them and the 4 ½, but I believe Atlanta gets well with this game.

NY GIANTS @ ARID-ZONA

The GEEEEEEEMen were very impressive in their win last week against the Feeguls, as all phases of their offense began working for them. And Manning gets another of his favorite targets back this week in Mario Manningham. The Cardy-noles looked bad against a team they were easily better than. I like the Noo Yawk Football Giants to clobber these guys.

MIAMI @ SAD DIEGO

The Chargers definitely underachieved against the Chefs last week. They won’t make that same mistake this week. Boltz big.

DENVER @ GREEN BAY

There’s nothing the Broncoids have that would be more than a speed bump to the Packers. The beat goes on, and fans in the front row seats will continue to slap on happy Packer jumpers. Packers cover the -12 ½. Easily.

NEW ENGLANDGLAND @ OAKLAND
The Pastry-Rots played an uncharacteristic sloppy game last week, enabling the Bills to take control of the division. Now they have to go to the West Coast to take on a vastly improved Raiders squad. The New England defense has been near the bottom of the league standings this year, and I believe Oakland takes advantage. Hey, the Raiders have been covering for me all year, take the Raaaaaaaaaaaiders to cover the 4 ½.

NY JETS @ BALTY-MOORE

This is a bad night for the Jets to find their offensive legs against a Ravens team that’s been re-energized on both sides of the ball. I think this will be a low scoring game that the Ravens will prevail in. By 3 ½ points.

INDIANAPOLIS @ TAMPA BAY

This may be another of those games that will be over before halftime. Take the Bucs and the -10.


Ok, fanz, I’m done. I’m going to let my brain melt into the UNC-ECU match. Enjoy the games tomorrow.

Last week - 11-5
Season - 28-19

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