SO - WHAT THE HELL'S A "DUCKIE???"

Greetings, Fanz!

It's been a while since I was STOKED about a Panthers-Duckies game! And hearing pro handicapper Greg Roberts pick the Panthers STRAIGHT UP to "win the game" has got me even MORE pumped! Since we appear to have legions of new Fanz in the lot, and legions of new readers of the Weekly Rantz, I thought I'd drag out this blast from three years ago, when we were going 12-4.

It feels like EIGHT years ago.

At any rate, here's the rant that explains my cutesy but derisive nickname for this weekend's opponent. Enjoy.

For years, many of you have heard me refer to this weekend’s “Vick-tim”, uh, opponent, as “The Duckies” often with a choice explicative, or many. And these words I’ve spoken with vile disgust many times in the history of not only the Panthers, but as a former super fan of the New Orleans Saints franchise. For The Atlanta Falcons have often been the crabgrass in our fescue, the slug on the pavement, the big pile of dogs**t you step in on your way to the door on your first date with that hot girl you finally got the nerve to ask out. The skip in your favorite CD.

The motherf**kin’, piece o’ s**t, rotten donkey ball eatin’ DUCKIES.

So, Crazy Joe, you ask-

Why the Duckies?

It’s a story some of you know, but it’s one I rarely tire of telling.

Let’s go back to 1993-

Jerry Richardson had just been awarded an NFL franchise, and right out of the gate, he hoisted that familiar silver helmet with the cat head on it, and said “Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!!!” Yeah, some of us felt pretty happy on that day- And even as I plopped down 3,500 bucks for MY PSL, I still made regular trips to Atlanta, and sometimes even New Orleans to see my beloved Saints. Lauren was not yet 4 years old at the time, but wanted to come with Daddy to see her first football game. And proud pop that I was, I took that beautiful darling child with me. All through her childhood I took her to at least two games a year which I still do now. She never made a fuss, never cried, was a great sport and loved to cheer even though she was unsure of what she was cheering for. I think she just loved being with Dad in one of his favorite things to do. Our seats in The Georgia Dome were pretty good on that day, and Lauren wanted to meet the cheerleaders, who she identified with, but upon viewing the field, liked the big black “duckie” painted in the middle of the field, and moments later, squealed with joy when she spied the anthropomorphic costumed Falcons mascot trotting along the sidelines. “DADDY I WANNA MEET THE DUCKIE!!” Lauren begged several times during the game. And of course, when I asked Lauren who she wanted to win, she would say “I want the Duckies to win”…

And a name, a cute but insidiously emasculating nickname was born for the most HATED of franchises, even more than the CowPuppies, if you’re a fan of The Carolina Panthers.

Come on now- you know you HATE ‘em! You cannot tell me with a straight face that you HATE, absolutely quiver with rage, at the thought of the Tampa Bay Bucs or New Orleans Saints! While our rivals they are, we’ve managed a good deal of success against THOSE two. The Duckies?

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

A big plop of buzzard doo on our freshly washed and waxed SEL500. Biting into a cockroach that sneaked into our burrito. Dying for a gulp of milk and grabbing the jug not noticing the expiration date was ten days ago…

That’s the Duckies allright…

Of course, I could never get Lauren excited about the Saints, because………….

In 1995 we began that ecstatic first season in Klimpson, and Lauren’s game? That Tropical Storm Jerry - soaked game against The Giants, which we won, 6-3, which had Lauren and I huddled under a poncho munching on waterlogged hotdogs, but she never complained and was looking forward to a post-game trip to Hooters. Sad to say, I had to disappoint her as the rain poured down, flooding much of Greenville’s streets so it was a dangerous proposition. Needless to say, Lauren became not only a Panthers fan, but a big sports fan after that.

And the Duckies, yes, those lousy, awful, heart crushin’ Duckies – were the team we learned to HATE----

Almost as much as DOOK- but that’s for a Tar Heel blog, not a PantherFanZ rantZ….

So now you know-

WHY-

I call The Atlanta FU**LONS –

The Duckies.

This weekend’s opponent.

The team of Christal Chandellier, Warrick Dunn, Alge Crumpler, Keith Brooking, the Jake Killer, Chuck Smith, and worst of all-

VICK.

Up there with the NFC Championship we won, the league championship I won coaching the girl’s basketall team, was CRUSHING the Duckies WITH Vick at QB. My favorite of sports memories.

That’s why it’s ESPECIALLY important for me to see the Panthers win this weekend’s game. It has as much juice for me as any game we will play this year.



BACK TO 2011....


And that's why it's so important to me, year after year. And now, we've got the bona fide cannon to blast these bastards with, much like the Allies had in WW II when we fielded the 90mm tank gun on the M26 Pershing against the once-invincible German Wermacht Tiger Tank. Although Vick no longer plays for them, Matt Ryan gets almost as much brown-nosed ink from the media, which keeps the fires of sport hatred good and stoked for me...

I'm SO looking forward to writing a VICTORIOUS RANT this Sunday!

Keep the faith!



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