17 April, 2008


April 15, 2008

Well, Fanz, it’s not lost on me it’s Tax Return Deadline day. Having taken care of that chore months ago, I won’t rub it in. But just this once-


Ok, I’m done. I got my bill for my season tickets last month. For the first time since I’ve been a fan, I’ve shuddered at the cost. For TWO seats, lower level, diagonal to the endzone, I am paying close to TWO GRAND! For EIGHT REGULAR SEASON GAMES- I’m not even COUNTING Pre-Season! After the largely forgettable season this year, it’s like your freshly-exed girlfriend insulting your gland size as she struts out the door. Ohhh, the pain. And James tells us that parking is going up too, but that’s not so bad, because WE control what happens in the lot. And that, my friends, is something to treasure and appreciate.

I also got the new schedule in the e-mail today, and looking at it got me thinkin’. I’m now recovered from my NCAA swoon, and because I just can’t get excited about the NBA or NHL, I’m letting myself get a little fired up about football. Oh, Baseball and NASCAR’s great, but there’s LOTS of racin’ and runnin’ left in these young seasons.

For those of you who are NOT PSL owners, and don’t have advance of the schedule, or have’nt commited it to memory, here’s what it looks like, REGULAR SEASON-

September 7th. 4.15 kickoff- @Sad Diego Chargers
A possibly overrated AFC team with some pretty potent weapons exposed during last year’s playoffs. Winnable, but I’m budgeting a loss for this one.

September 14th, 1.00 kickoff- Da Chicaaagooo Beayahhhhs.
An aging team, especially defensively, that’s on a downward trend. A very winnable home opener. PantherFanz party and get happy.

September 21st, 1.00 kickoff- @Minnesota Vikings
An NFC team on the rise with a flashy running back and a nice crop of draftees and free agents. An “L” for the Puddycats.

September 28th, 1.00 kickoff- THE…………ATLANTA………FUCKLONS……
Those HATED DUCKIES come into our house once again. There is no freakin’ way, no way, no how, that we can lose to these slackers. AGAIN. If we do, Foxy should be watching his back from this point on.

October 5th, 1.00 kickoff Kansas City Chefs
PantherFanZ will indeed be the Chefs for the Chefs, cooking up a nice win for the home crowd. The Chiefs are in sad shape, worse than us. This should be a happy day for the Fanz and the team.

October 12th, 1.00 kickoff @Tampa Bay Buck-an-Ears.
Rivalry renewed. Probably our most evenly matched opponent in the division. It’s been fun, and I’m anticipating more of the same this year. Possibly a split this year.

October 19th, 1.00 kickoff N’awlins sAINT’s
A health DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOce McCallister makes a difference on this team, but a perennially shell-shocked Danielle Morgan does not. Possibly a splitszky here, too, but I’m thinkin’ sweep. By us.

October 26th 1.00 kickoff Arizona Cardy-Noles
We close out the season with the perennial underachievers. Note that I show off my totally unprofessional attention to writing detail by using the word “Perennial” and it’s derivative in consecutive paragraphs.

And, precisely in the middle of the season, a bye. Eight games played, five home games. We should be no worse than 5-3 at that point, and solidly in front of our division . So what would the second half, heavy with road games, hold for our Carolina Panthers? My clairvoyance gland is telling me some early tales…. Read on, reader….

November 9th, 4.05 kickoff @ crOakland Ray-durrs
The Ray-durrs are a disappointing, underachieving, mismanaged bunch, and I don’t see any reason for RaiderNation to rejoice this year. PantherNation, on the other hand, starts the second half with a “W”.

November 16th. 1.00 kickoff Dee-troit Lions
Another underachieving mismanaged bunch we arrta clobber at home.

November 23rd, 1.00 kickoff @Fucklons, part II
We should shut up all 25,000 so called Falcon fans in attendance with their Vick jerseys on early. Another “W”.

November 30th, 1.00 kickoff @Green Bay Packers
The Tundra. The field. The fans. Brett Farve- oops, no Farve. What a difference ONE player makes. By this time, The Packers have found out what he meant to the team. Could Apocalypse Meow actually be 9-3 after this game? Just as Tiger Woods said to an interviewer at last week’s Masters concerning a “grand slam”…
“It’s reasonable to think so”…. Of course, Tiger went gaspipe to Immelman on Sunday…

December 8th, 8.30 kickoff MONDAY NIGHTA!!! Tampa Bay Bucks!
Our lone night game (so far, per NFL new end-of-season scheduling) and we’ll be loud, and ready. A great day to tailgate in the Queen City, especially if you’re lucky enuff to have a spot in the Cedar Street lot.

December 14th, 1.00 kickoff Denver Broncoids
Ok, Monday night hangover? The Broncoids? Not likely. Shanahan and his team are on a continuing downward spiral, the now mighty Panthers have another home victory.

December 21st, 1.00 kickoff @NooYawk Giants, Sooper Bowl Chumps
At this time of year, if the Giants haven’t wrapped up their tough division, it’s possible the Famous Super Bowl Swoon will have affected them and won’t even be fighting for their playoff lives. A game for pride, and we’ll be due. An “L”.

December 28th, 1.00 kickoff @ N’awlin’s Saints
We close out the season on the road to the friendly confines of the Sooperdome, and we will NOT finish the season on a losing note, not to these guys.
Can you say PLAYOFFS, baby!!!???

Now, of course, we COULD conceivably loose EVERY SINGLE GAME-

But hey, the draft’s ahead, we’ve got plenty of picks, some nice free agents in Pantherland, why not dream? Something to salve the sting of those high ticket prices… 12-4??? Toxy, where you at man, it’s bettin’ time….

Stay tuned… OffSeason Rant part II coming up….

Gotta Comment???

Email me, The Cedar Street Seer-



April 17, 2008

Well, by now we’ve all absorbed the schedule, and we’ve all got our dreams of 12-4 dancing in our heads, but if you’re a pessimist like James, you’re facing an 11-5 season. This offseason has got me a little more fired up, because, once again, I’m going to revisit my “Wish List”, just to see how much my wishes came true----

To start, I got a feeling we are going to be seeing FAR more replays on that giant new scoreboard being installed at the Pasture of Disasture. After venting on a LENGHTY online survey offered by the big Cats themselves, I think they finally know what they have to do to make a better gameday experience for us who pay that ridiculous ticket price. Wish granted, maybe. The league is even thinking about getting rid of those nasty dreadlocks and overgrown manes like Polomalo’s - wish granted, maybe.

I really didn’t get any wishes come true in the coaching staff, so let’s REALLY hope the past year has been an aberration. At QB, Jake’s recovery is right on schedule, and he’s even filming a new Bojangles commercial as we speak, so things must be going well. As far as Matt Moore’s concerned, he’s more than earned a chance to compete for a spot here. Remember that Jake Delhomme, Romo the Homo and Tommy Brady were buried in the depth charts at one time, too. And in New York, just imagine if Eli goes down, The Hefty Lefty stinks it up, who do they have? Stinky Dinky, that’s who. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH- I laugh at the NooYawk executive that picked up Dinky Carr. Many of the true fans were also ECSTATIC to see DeFumblo shown the door. Wish, for me, granted. LaBrandon Toefield? Even the name sounds like running back greatness. You never know. A big back we really need to complement DeAngelo. And we get HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOver back, too! Also, I’m ECSTATIC to see Colbert and Carter shown the door. And even MORESO to see MOOSE back! A great blocker and nice possession receiver in our system, especially should Jake make a full recovery. Wish Granted. I like the addition of DJ Hackett- he’ll be a great complement to Smitty, should he stay healthy this year. Double Wish Granted. Some nice additions to the Oline, and Hartwig and Whale shown the door. Keepin’ Gross around, I think we’re gonna be in good shape with the line, especially since there’s such value in the draft at this position. I’m also glad they’ve taken a sledgehammer to the defensive line- Jenk and Ruck- GONE. Pep? Could be trade bait, but they deny it. I’m just glad that position will be redefined for the upcoming season. I’m thrilled to see the staff has finally parted ways with their girlfriend Danielle Morgan. Not sure how much impact Colclough is going to have, but hey, it’s a start. At any rate, the defense belongs to Jon BEASTon, as it should be.

And speaking of the draft, we’re in a good position there, too. Could we be lucky enough to draft Rashard Mendenhall, the Illini bruiser-back we’ve been needing? If not, a franchise lineman is waiting for us at the thirteenth pick. Also, with two early third round picks, and THREE seventh round picks, we could really find some value there, as well. Listen to me, sounding like Mel Kiper. Wish I had the hair. Eight picks, Fanz. Eight chances to really add to the team. To select someone that makes a difference on gameday, and possibly in the community, too. That’s why I just don’t think we look that wretched anymore. We cut the rotting flesh off of our roster, now we’ve begun the renewal operation. And I don’t think we’re done yet-

And speaking of wishes, take another look at our home schedule. Who’s on there, besides the damned Duckies, Bucs and Saints? Any of them fill our stadium with obnoxious fans? Yeah, I see that jersey sales of the Bears, Chiefs, Cardy-noles, Lions and Broncoids top the charts in our area. When’s the last time you wanted to run a Detroit Lions fan out of the stadium? I recall having some nice discourse with Bears Fans over multiple beers. We’re FAR too east of the Missisip’ to be a hotbed of Bronco fans. So, gameday for us finds our seats certain to be filled with PANTHER fans, DAMMIT!!! I cannot begin to tell you how sick I am to see our stadium filled with “bandwagon” fans of flagging dynasties. That ESPECIALLY means Cowboy and Squeeler fans who are not from Texas or West Virginia. I would certainly give Redskins fans a pass on regional loyalty, for NOW. We are now in our THIRTEENTH season. It’s time to choose PANTHERS, Carolina NFL fans! We’ve got HISTORY. LOOK at the history, good AND bad-
Mostly good. A second year team makes it to the conference championships! That, after an amazing 7-9 first season at Klimpson! A thrilling couple of 8-8 seasons with Seifert, Beurlein and the Frisbee- catchin’ dogs of Moose, Jeffers and Walls! A fantastically wretched 1-15 season that landed us the rare athletic specimen that’s Julius Peppers, that had his mind taken over by aliens last year. (Since Jack Bauer was waiting for filming to start again, he got the chance to chase them out of his brain at this writing) A SUPER BOWL appearance! ANOTHER trip to the conference championship game! I have the feeling that as long as Uncle Jerry is in charge, he won’t let us stink that bad, so what’s wrong with throwing your passion at the Panthers? Ok, we hit a stinker like last year. How rare is that, really? I’m gonna go out on a limb here-


The Cedar Street Seer is going to speak.

The Carolina Panthers will not suck this year. Not like last year.

I guarantee it. And something else I’m gonna guarantee.

Tailgating will once again be awesome this year. Your core staff of PantherFanz will see to that.

The weeks are ticking away. Fan Day is less than four months away.

Till then, enjoy The Major Leagues, minor leagues, golf, fishin’, whatever brings you joy. But remember-

The National Football league is coming back. We’ve hit the mid-point of the offseason, and the season start is now showing up on the horizon. And we’ll be ready for it.

I’ll rant again after the draft.

Gotta Comment?

e-mail me, The Cedar Street Seer