THE WEEKLY HANDICAP AND OTHER CLARIVOYANCES-WEEK 6

October 10th, 2008

AHHHH, THAT’S a little more like it! A 9-5 week will get a seer like me a bit chippier. I won’t be happy this year unless I’m at least at 70%. So with no further blathering, I go to the week’s contests.

CrOAKLAND @ NAW’LINS
The Saints did a great job last Monday giving a VITAL game away to the visiting Vikings- I’m certain they WON’T do it again against a rudderless Schraider team. CrOakland’s overmatched, at least offensively, against the Saints attack. The line is at 7 ½. I’m going with the home team in this contest.

BALL-TEA-MOORE @ INDIANAPOLIS
The resurgent Ravens have had two really TOUGH games to play the past weeks. But for a play or two, we would be talking about a 4-0 team, and not one looking up at the amazingly lucky Squealers. The Colts are winning with miracles here lately, it seems. Home ain’t so sweet to these guys, and I’m thinking that “Raven-ous D” shuts down the Manning Machine enough in Peyton’s Place to keep this close, and perhaps even win. The line is 5 ½, and I’m thinking the Ravens cover.

CINCINATTAH @ B*R*E*T*S BRETS BRETS BRETS
Boy, was I wrong about the Bungles last week! More about this when I handicap the Cowboys- But I have this feeling the Bungles may have “shot their wad” last week. Favre seems to have his better games against inferior opponents, and that will be certainly the case this Sunday. The line is 6 for the home team, and I like the BRETS in this game.

CAROLINA @ TAMPA BAY
Ok, I spoke about this game in my last rant. The Panthers are superior in every phase of the game, except perhaps the O line which could be missing its best two players for the second week. If the defense plays like it’s capable of doing, that will offset any drop off offensively, and the Bucs, who are favored by only 1 point, could wilt in its own stadium. Carolina’s a great road team, and I think they win here. Take the Cats.

DEE-TROY-IT @ MINI-SODA
WHOA- I just got a look at the line- A whopping 13 ½ for the Vikings! After seeing what DaBears had done to them AT THEIR HOUSE last week, I’m not feelin’ much love for the Ly-uns. But this line seems excessive. Ok, I’ll bite. After watching the Vikings edge the Saints on the road last Monday under the influence of Keller’s Rusty Nails, I’m leaning to the Vikings, and I’ll be pissed if I’m wrong. Take the Vikings and the doo-doo load of points if you dare.

DaBEARS @ THE DUCKIES
The line started at 2 ½ for the Monsters of the Midway, and has gone up to 3 in some books. Yeah, DaBears are playin’ great ball so far this year. But it KILLS me, JUST KILLS me to say that the $%^&#@^**@# Duckies aren’t nearly as bad as I thought they’d be. They have played their best ball at home, and I don’t see a part of DaBears game that overpowers the Duckies – There will be plenty of running in this one, I and I wouldn’t be surprised to see our hated rivals win this one. I’m leaning to the Duckies to not only cover, but win the game. DAMN, that hurts to say!

MIAMI @ HOUSTON
Ohhhhh, Houston, you have a problem. I had no ideal Sage Rosenfels was starting last week. I think he starts this week again. I felt that last week was a game that the Texans HAD to win. I think the vortex of despair starts to pull them down. The Dullfins are gettin’ it done somehow with fundamentally sound football and a surprisingly good running game, as long as Ricky Willams doesn’t think about weed. Wrong team favored- Take the Dullfins getting 3 points in this one. And to think I predicted the Texans would be good enough for ….. the “P” word, which Coach Mora admonishes me NOT to say…

SAINT LOOEY LAMBS @ WARSHINGTON
On paper this seems like an absolute AZZZZZ whoopin. Ok, I’m sayin’ it. It IS going to be an AZZZZ whoopin! Remember last week’s drop kickin’ of Herm Edward’s Chihuahua? Happens here. Take the ShreadSkins and that meager 13 ½ points. Not even new head coach Jim Haslett can stop this onslaught this week. He’ll get ‘em marginally better, but not this week.

DENVER @ JACKSONVILLE
Jag-you-whyers, you really pissed me off last week. You had the Squealers, your most fierce conference rival on the ropes, and you let ‘em off the hook. You ain’t as ferocious as I thought, and after the Broncoids managed to bounce a better Bucs squad last week, I think they’re game for the Jag-you-whyers. I like the Broncoids getting 3 ½ points on the road.

PHILTHYDELPHIA @ SAD FRANCISCO
The line opened at 5 and has now gone down to 4 ½. I guess Brian Westbrooks’ injury is worse than feared. The Fleagles are really getting beat up way too early this season. Their backs are against the wall, and they really should have beaten the DeadSkins last week. If they lose this game, it’s probably over for any chance at that event that causes Coach Mora to spew, and it starts with a “P”… While the Phoney-Niners DO need this game to keep up with the, **AHEM** Mighty Cardy-noles, it won’t be devastating for them to lose this game because the division is simply that bad. The Boids are desperate. The Fleagle “D” will be enough to handle the Niners. Take the Boids and the 4 ½.


DALLAS @ ARID-ZONA
How in the hell do the supposedly UNBEATABLE CowBabies let the Cincinattah BUNGLES hang around in THEIR HOUSE!!?? HUH? HUH? HUH? Five weeks into the season, and they are winning with OFFENSE only. It takes defense to win championships, and theirs isn’t gelling. What’s worse, is that poisonous diva Terrell Owens is starting to whine again. A game in the desert isn’t the place to get well against the **GULP** DIVISION LEADING CARDY-NOLES??? Say it ain’t so. Dallas is favoured by 5, and believe it or not, I’m leanin’ to the Cards to cover. Whine on,T.O.

GREEN BAY @ SEATTLE
This line opened at 3 and has plummeted to 2. Both of these teams are smarting from bad, BAD losses last week. It’s possible the loser of this game goes to bad team jail for the rest of the season. The SeaDogs are at home, and I’m not sure that means much. On paper, the defense is SO much better than the Packers’, but they as of yet have not put together a strong effort this year. Now is the time Mike Holmgren, and Son Of Jim. HEEEEEEEEEEEEESHHH! This is a stinker game to call. I’m leanin’ to the SeaDogs, ‘cause the Power Of Tundra has left the team whose fans wear fake foam cheese on their heads.

NEW ENGLANDLAND @ SAD DIEGO
Well, so far, The Pastry-Rots have survived Life Without Tom. Good for you, Dr. EvilCheck. You get another bonus road trip on the primetime stage. Good news for you, is that the Chargers are banged up enough that you MIGHT actually have a chance. They’re tough at home, but not impossible to take, just ask a guy that’s been tough on you every time you’ve played him- You might see him on a Bojangles commercial. While the Patsies were able to handle the Phoney-Niners at the Stick last week, QualCom might be a harder house to humble. The line opened at 6, and has gone down to 5 ½. I like the Pastry-Rots to cover.

GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEMEN @ CLEVELANDLAND
Ughh. What a stinker of a game for Monday night. I saw these two in preseason, and it looked like there was only one set of starters in the first half. You’ll see Brady Quinn under center by the end of the game, I guarantee it. And it won’t make a difference. G’ints stay unbeaten, and will CERTAINLY beat the Brownie-drawers by MORE than the 8 points they are favoured by in most books, and I have seen the line at 9. Don’t matter. GeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeMen BIG!

I’m feelin’ good after last week in which I went 9-5.

For the season I’ve shot up to 24-18.

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