THE WEEKLY HANDICAP AND OTHER CLARIVOYANCES- WEEK 4

September 25th, 2008

Ughhh. 9-7. I’m actually embarrassed. But come on- Did ANY of you see Miami punkin’ NewEnglandLand? Or the Bungles actually hangin’ around with the G’ints?

Liar!

Well, I’m feelin’ a little better now, and I’m gonna see this thing through. Here we go-

DENVER BRONCOIDS @ K.C. CHEFS
The Chefs are really a train wreck so far this year. There’s no energy, confidence, or buzz around this team, and it sucks for one of the game’s good guys in Herm Edwards, and definitely for the great fans there. Offensively, the Broncoids are clickin’. They’re a 9 point road favorite – and they’ll definitely cover. Take ‘em Broncoids.

CLEVELANDLAND @ THE CINCINATTAH BUNGLES
Sad state of affairs in Ohio – not only did the state U get its ass handed to it by USC, there’s likely no chance for the playoffs for either of the NFL teams. The Bungles showed a little life against the G’ints last week, and the Brownies were overmatched at Baltimore. One would think the Bungles would ride that confidence earned in that overtime match last week to a “W”. I’m havin’ a tough time feelin’ a favorite here. The Bungle defense sucks and the Brownie offense is ordinary. But Cincy has the better QB. The line is 3 ½, and as much as these two suck, it’s kind of a lot.
I’ll lean to The Bungles at home to get off the shnide.

HOUSTON @ JACKSONVILLE
Boy, did the Jag-you-whyers surprise me with that come-from-behind win at Indy! How they stayed in the game with that beat-up Oline is beyond me- Houston is struggling, and they’re on the road again. Matt Schaub is starting to play like David Carr, and Jacksonville’s D is formidable. The line is 7 ½, and sounds reasonable. Take the home team and the points.

ARID-ZONA @ THE B*R*E*T*S BRETS BRETS BRETSAnother EastCoast trip for the Cardy-noles. That flight time has got to be a drag- This sounds like a good matchup between two teams struggling to move up the NFL power rankings. The Cards have a pretty good offense, and the B*R*E*T*S are trying to find their footing with Mr. Favre at the controls. The B*R*E*T*S got WHOOPED just like I said last week against a determined Charger team, but Arid-Zona is not that determined. And I think Favre has some game left in him. The home team is favored by a SLIM 1 ½ points, and I’ve got the feelin’ for the Brets. Take GangGreen to win.

SAD FRANCISCO @ NAW’LINS
This is starting to come into must-win territory for the Saints this week. Won’t be DEVESTATING if they lose, but they have to start winning games against seemingly inferior opponents. The Saints are hamstrung a bit offensively, and their D is far from fixed- And the Phoney-Niners are on a roll. This will be another shootout between two game offenses. The bigger plays defensively will win this game. The Saints are favored by 5 ½ at home, but I like the Phoney-Niners to cover.

&**)(&@#%+#@*%$*DUCKIES @ CAROLINA
We all know ad nauseum how I feel about these guys. The line is 7 ½. On paper, we ought to CLOBBER THESE GUYS! But the games are played on the field, and history says we get another tension filled game- I’m goin’ on the side of history- Kills me to say, but the*(*$^%)#@&_&$(*%&@#(_&*(&@)$(^&#$*()&#+@$(*^$+)*(&^!@*%@#! Duckies will cover.

MINNI-SODA @ TENNESSEE
Well, the Vikings pulled one out last week, didn’t they? I’m hearing a lot about the crowd noise in the Metrodome throwing the signals off for the Panthers last week- they won’t get that help here- Tennessee’s defense is for real, and the offense is running the ball, and scoring points. The Viking’s offense will find the going much tougher this week- Titans are favored by 3 at home- sounds good to me- take ‘em Titans straight up!

GREEN BAY @ TAMPA BAY
The good ‘ol BATTLE OF THE BAYS is renewed – I don’t know how the Bucs are doin’ it, but they managed to really sling the biscuit on a really good Bears defense last week. Greasy Griese starts again this week, and the Packers got exposed by the Cowboys last week. I think the Bucs have at least as good a D as the ‘Pups, and, they’re at home. They’re getting a measly one point- and it’s good enough. Take the Bucs by one over the Pack. (although on a personal note I hope the Packers trim the Bucs!!)

BEEFALO @ SAD LOUIS
Yeah, I know it’s SAINT Louis, but they’re really, really, sad. Coach Lannehan has got to be the SECOND early season casualty of the season (Millen being the first, and WAY overdue). The Lambs are really, really bad, and that makes the fans, whoever’s left of them, really, really, sad. I again show my literary incompetence by using the words “really, really” three times in a row. Am I really, really, doing that? The Bills are really, really feelin’ it, and they are an 8 point road favorite- And they will really, really, ROLL the Lambs. Take the Bills.

SAN DIEGO @ crOAKLAND
Ok, the Chargers don’t have a SAD Diego address anymore. I knew they’d get off the schnide Monday night- and this matchup gets them even further on the road to league health. The schRaiders are mediocre, and are outmatched in this game. They played well last week against Beefalo, as I thought they would, but I feel like the Bolts are playing a different game. crOakland is giving up 7 ½ points at home, and I think the Bolts are gonna shut down the schRaiders. Take the Chargers BIG.

WARSHINGTON @ DALLAS
I know, I know. Throw the record books out the window when these two get together. Blah, blah, blah. The Cowpuppies are due for a stinker one of these weeks. Wont’ be this week. Dallas 11 points over the Deadskins, easy.

PHILTHYDELPHIA @ DA BEARS
Last week’s victory against the Squealers didn’t come without a cost for the Boids- McSnabb is hurting, and Brian Westbrook likely will not dress for this game. Without the Fleagles at full strength offensively, I like Da Bears to control the game on the ground, and the D to stimey that Eagle O, and to cover that 3- point spread.

BALL-TEE-MORE @ PISSBURGH
Rothelisburger hurt? WP out? The banged up Squealers host the Ravens Monday night, who are on a roll. This will be an ugly, ugly, game, decided by the defenses. Pissburgh is favored by 5 ½, but I like the game Ravens to cover, with no further quothings of “Nevermore”…..

Last week- ugh! 9-7… This week has GOT to be better-

Season record (again, UGH !!) 9-7

See most of y’all in the lot-

The rest of you Sunday night, God Willing.

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