03 September, 2008


September 3rd, 2008

Well, the NFL season starts tomorrow, and MOST every fan around the league can make about as solid a case as anyone else as to why their team has a chance to make the playoffs (PLAYOFFS!!??? DON’T TALK ABOUT PLAYOFFS!!??). Especially PantherFanZ- How can I say that? Let’s take a hard, honest look as to why, the Carolina PantherZ, have an especially good chance, given what we’ve seen in the offseason, the preseason, and what’s ahead…

1- Offensive Personnel. The O line has been significantly upgraded. The success of the running game is evident. We now have the huge corn-fed hunks of beef to do that. Jake Delhomme’s arm is better than ever, and the receiving corps has been upgraded. The return of Moose is a boon in ways tangible and intangible. The tight end duo of Jeff King and Dante Rosario is something we haven’t had since the days of Wesley Walls, when the tight end played an important part in our offensive game plan. And being without Smitty for the first two games this season, that will be critical! And speaking of running game, Williams and Stewart will certainly be that two headed attack that will keep the pass rush off of Jake, the chains moving, and larger numbers in the “W” column.
2- Defensive Personnel. The dead wood in the “D” has been clipped out. We now have a younger, improved front 4 with a rejuvenated Julius Peppers, and they are no longer the focal point of the defense. The LINEBACKERS, eight deep with great talent and playmaking ability from EVERY ONE, will lead this defense. Our defensive secondary got a great player in the draft of Charles Godfrey, and an incredible nickel player in Richard Marshall. A maximum of THREE LOUSY POINTS were all starting offenses could muster on our starters in the preseason this year. These guys are going to make us forget the dismal days of last season, for sure.
3- Special Teams. Rhys Lloyd is a good start. You can’t say enough about the ability to root kickoffs deep into the endzone. Starting a defensive series on the 20 or even further back is critical to success. The coaching staff made sure to keep players on the roster that will certainly be big contributors in return coverage. Keep your eye out on Hillee Taylor, that Tar Heel Terminator on the coverage teams. Even if we don’t have a home run hitter on ball return, teams won’t be starting their offensive series in optimal field position. Jason Baker continues to boom punts. That’s important, since Foxy seems to think a punt is not a bad play.
4- Schedule. Only four teams the PuddyCatZ play this year went to the playoffs last year. Tampa, oh yeah, that juggernaut that went 9-7 and looked awful losing to the G’ints, who are, oh yeah the SuperBowl winners, who we will also play. And there’s the Favreless Packers, who are certain to be hamstrung without him. We open with the Chargers, which will be our toughest game of the year. After that, there is no one on the schedule we cannot beat. No one. The Saints will be a decent opponent, but still quite beatable.
5- The Cedar Street Seer says so.

I realize I made a similar rant two weeks ago, but I just gotta start the season by re-empahsizing what I think is so right about this year's team. I will probably continue to point out how much better at every phase of the game we are from last year, just 'cause. We need to. Part of getting the stink out.

So, Crazy Joe-

What do you say about the final record, huh? Ok, this is official. Who do we lose to this year? The Chargers. The Vikings. The Saints, once, The Bucs, once, and one more to a team we shouldn’t lose to, like we did to the Texans in our SuperBowl year. That’s five losses. 11-5, and winning the division. Howzat? So how will that compare with the rest of the league? I don’t even need to put on my Tarnak hat, I can see quite clearly into the future. That’s why Marc called me The Cedar Street Seer.

Let’s start with the leagues answer to the SEC- The American Football Conference.

In the AFC East, one would jump on the New EnglandLand Pastry-Rots right away, but there’s some age on this team, particularly on the defense. Tommy Brady is dealing with foot injuries, and something tells me these guys are going to be in quite the fight from the rest of the division. Hell, even Tuna’s Miami Dull-phins won’t be so dull. I’m going out on a limb. NewEngland misses the playoffs this year. The Brett Favre-led J*E*T*S JETS JETS JETS will win this division, by a whisker over the Pastry-Rots. The Buffalo Bills will push hard, but don’t have enough offense to challenge, although scoring on them will be tough.

The AFC South is the crucible of the conference. One could make a case for all four teams having what it takes to make the playoffs. (PLAYOFFS!!!??? DON’T TALK ABOUT PLAYOFFS!!??) Even with Peyton Manning a little shaky from offseason surgery, the Colts are still solid. The Jacksonville Jag-you-wyres are every bit as solid. The Texans are MUCH improved, and while Tennessee is behind the other three offensively, they have a withering defense. The wildcards come from this division. I’m gonna call Indy the champs, Jacksonville and HOUSTON, yes HOUSTON, making the cut as wild cards.

The AFC North is tough, but not that tough. Piss-burgh is still the class of the division. Far and above the other three. The Ravens will play great defense, but will start rookie Joey Flacco at QB. Tsk Tsk Tsk. I’m not drinkin’ Cleveland’s kool-aid this year. The Bungles are a mess.

How far the AFC West has fallen. Once upon a time, this was the center of NFL power. Now, the Chargers are the only team that scares anyone, and their halcyon days are coming to an end. Remember how LaDamian sulked in the playoff game last year? Phillip Rivers still hasn’t shown me he’s all that. The Chefs are in total rebuilding mode, Al Davis still handles the Ray-durrs, should I say anymore? The Broncoids don’t scare anyone.

Now, for OUR conference, the ACC of the league-

The NFC East is still the toughest division in the conference. Make no mistake, the Dallas Cowgirrls are for real. Solid team, down the board. So are the Philadelphia Eagles. While Donavan McSnabb is the pro’s pro at QB, the prospect of seeing Kevin Kolb fling the biscuit for the Boids is quite intriquing. I think the Noo Yawk G’ints fought really hard to make and get through the playoffs last year. I have this weird feeling they are going to have a hard time getting back, especially losing the heart of their defense in Usaymoria and Strahan. The Warshington Deadskins have been exposed. They are going to need some work. One of the wildcards comes from this division. The Fleagles. The Cowpatties win it.

The NFC North has fallen on cold, cold times. The Green Bay Packers have lost a lot in Brett Favre. I’m sure Aaron Rogers can play, but that’s quite a drop off. Will the team play for him? It remains to be seen. The defense is solid, but someone’s gotta lead the offense down that tundra when points are vital. The Vikings have Peterson, a decent defense, and could challenge the Packers’ long hold on the division. The Lions are a perpetual rebuilding project, and the Bears are old, still fielding an offensive offense that scares no one. I say Minney-soda wins this one.

The NFC West is weak, weak, weak. The Seattle SeaDogs are the class of the division, but hey, look out! Guess who will be coming on? Yep, that favorite of bandwagoners everywhere, the SadFradCisco Phoney-Niners have sucked long enough. They will actually be competitive this year, which you will not be able to say about the Cardy-noles or Saint Looey Lambs.

And the South? Home sweet Home? OUR division, baby. We win this thing, but not without a challenge from The Saints, who have the offense to score on practically anyone. Even us. They will win the wildcard. The Bucs have too many holes, and don’t underestimate the mind-screw applied to Jeff Garcia in the bungled Favre-get. The Duckies are years away from being any good.

So how do the playoffs shake out? In the AFC, Pissburgh oils the Texans, Jacksonville shocks the Chargers. The Jets and Favre gun down the Squealers, and Indy busts the Jag-you-wyres. Manning takes Brett and they go for one more for Tony D. In the NFC, The Saints sink the Vikings, The Boids pluck the other Boids from Seattle. The Cowpatties overcome a tremendous scorefest with the Saints, and OUR CAROLINA PANTHERS down the Fleagles. And revenge, sweet revenge, as our regular season futility with those f***ers from Dallas continues to parlay in playoff superiority as we go on to meet The Colts.

And lose. ***SIGH***

Sucks being the Seer sometimes.

But if I’m right, and I guarantee I’m 80% on with these picks, it will be a GREAT SEASON!


Gotta Comment?

Email me, The Cedar Street SeerCaptnTee@aol.com

No comments: