THE WEEKLY HANDICAP AND OTHER CLARIVOYANCES - WEEK 2

What a Week 1 that was! Individual and team performances surprised and SHOCKED fans and media mavens nationwide –

Whodathunk that –

-Pissburgh would look as inept, old, and tired as they did against their BITTEREST rival? Not me!

-Donovan McSnabb would look much the same against the Chargers? Not me!

-Buffalo would be a total JUGGERNAUT against the Chefs? I knew they’d win, but NOT by 30+ points!

-That the Leos wouldn’t wilt in the withering Tampa sun -

-Miami would lay down for Tommy Terrific the way they did? Not by 520 yards!

-Wrecks Grossman would come through like he did for the DeadSkins? I wouldn’t have dreamed it!

-The Duckies quacking like suffering waterfowl to an inferior Bears team? I’m glad, but no!

- That Cam Newton would light up the Cardynoles like he did? I was greatly surprised, but not like the national media was!

-AND that not only did YOUR Cedar Street Seer COMPLETELY OVERLOOK handicapping the Vikings-Chargers game, but also went 6 and 9 for his first week?

What I DID correctly foresee WAS –

-Indy totally losing their wheels in Hoostun –

-Buffalo starting strong (but not THAT STRONG!)

-The Panthers keeping things competitive

-The J*E*T*S beating the Cowboys (although I thought it would be worse than 3 points!)

-That the nation would once again see Foxball being played in Denver (but I thought they’d win!)

-The Pastry-Rots overcoming the Dull-Phins.

Amazing stuff, y’all.

I have a feeling the league resets itself this week, but some things that began last week will continue this week – read on faithful NFL fan…

CHICAGO @ NEW ORLEANS

This is where we get to see the Bears for real. But for some botched special teams play, the Saints may have actually WON their match in TitleTown. And perhaps, there’s something to be said about the Duckies on REAL grass- AND – either Brian Urlacher is mega-bummed about his mom passing this week –or mega-motivated – He COULD determine the outcome, but I’m thinking they come back down to earth in the SuperDome. 7’s a LOT of points, but one Drew Brees pass would cover that. Take the Saints.

KANSAS SHITTY @ DETROIT

Well, well, Leos! You didn’t wilt like I thought you would! And you get the closest thing in the NFL to a gimme! If Buffalo whooped the Chefs at home like so much sour cream, can you imagine what a fired-up Lions team will do? This is when the good teams make hay – Wait- does that mean I think that Detroit’s a GOOD team? You damn right I do. Leos BIG, and more than that -8!

JACKSONVILLE @ NY J*E*T*S

The Jaggy-whyers managed to fend off a listless Titans team last week, and the Jet’s defense overcame an ordinary offense to secure a home victory. Jacksonville’s not Dallas, but ordinary’s still ordinary. I don’t think Sanchez and company have their mid-season legs yet, but that defense is good enough to make a serious difference. Do I think it’s 9 ½ points worth? EEEEEEHHHHHH---- I’m sayin’ it’s a pretty good chance. Take the J*E*T*S and the -9 ½.

CrOAKLAND @ BUFFALO

The Raiders’ game last week was sloppy and hard to watch, but there’s no questioning there’s a new energy in the OTHER Bay city. It will carry over to the trip here to Niagraville. The Bills are improving, but so are the Raiders. Look for an evenly played game, more defensive than offensive that will surely come to a field goal. I like the Raiders to cover the +4 points.

ARID-ZONA @ WARSHINGTOON

I know, I know, the Cardy-noles NEVER do well on the East Coast, and I would do well to pick against them, but cripesey-jimminy, it’s WRECKS GROSSMAN!!! I can’t, can’t, CAN’T pick a team that starts Grossman! The Giants were decimated defensively, and the Cardy-noles are actually better from a personnel standpoint. Kolb’s got a chance to at least make folks forget Kurt Warner for another week. Take the Cardy-Dogs and the +4 points.

BALTY-MOORE @ TENNESSEE

Chris Johnson looked like he just woke up last week against the Jags, a team they should have run roughshod over. The Ravens looked BRILLIANT against the Squeelers at home. Defense and running game ALWAYS travel well in this league, and after what I saw last week – I’m afraid I’m going to have to eat my words about an aging Ravens team I wrote two weeks ago. Ravens roll, despite a much improved performance by CJ.

SEATTLE @ PISSBURGH

Now, this game’s a headscratcher. The Squeelers are a -14 POINT favorite at home! I know that Seattle sucks this year, but that’s a slap in the face if you ask me - I GUARANTEE that number’s been posted in the SeaDog’s locker room all week. Don’t think that Pete Carroll hasn’t used that to motivate his vastly inferior team. But, after last week, I’m inclined to think of Pissburgh as more a paper tiger than a returning division champion. I’m going out on a limb – The Squeelers will certainly win, but Carroll will find a way to keep it close. Remember what I told you about the Bills last week? I was right, yes? Take the SeaDogs and the +14 points. Then you’ll be CONVINCED I’m a genius by Monday Morning. There’s something fundamentally WRONG with Pissburgh, and it will be even MORE manifest with this home victory.

GREEN BAY @ CAROLINA
Now, THIS is the game I had anticipated seeing a 14 point spread on, but it’s gone down to +10 for the PuddyCats, and I’d suspect it may move even further by kickoff. The Panthers had something to prove last week, and this week they get a chance to prove it further. I don’t question the fact that the Packers are a superior football team, but OUR Panthers don’t suck NEARLY as bad as we had feared, ESPECIALLY on offense. If Chudz can get the running game going, Capers will have to change his offensive strategy to keep the Panthers from controlling the clock, and the game. I’m anticipating another vastly entertaining shootout at the Stadium the PSL’s built. Cats covered last week, they’ll cover this week. Take the Panthers and the +10. 0-2 never felt so good…

TAMPA BAY @ MINI-SODA

If the Suck-an-ears are a 48 oz. “Big Gulp” than Donovan McSnabb’s one of those weeny little cans of soda you get at the hospital. When a pro athlete loses his edge, it’s fast, and it’s humbling, and I hate to see it happen to a man of Donovan’s caliber. If he struggles in this game, don’t be surprised to see Christian Ponder get his shot. In this game. All Tampa has to do to win is stop Peterson. Wrong team favored, folks. Sucky-neers win this one.

CLEVELAND @ INDIANAPOLIS

Alright, Browns – you’ve got one more week to get this right. The Colts looked simply awful at Houston last week, despite, amazingly enough, Kerry Collins posting an eventual better rating than winning QB Schaub. It’s those turnovers, bro. The Colts will already be playing desperate, don’t YOU do the same! If you are going to make a run, you HAD to start LAST WEEK against a vastly inferior Bungles squad! The run starts now, I’d think. Begrudgingly, I’m tellin’ you to lean to the Browns, FAVORED, on the ROAD and the – 2 ½. Although it wouldn’t surprise me to see Kerry and Co. pull this out, and I’ll not pick the Browns again.
^@#%$&$@_(*teasers....@(!*^@#!*(%

DALLAS @ SAN FRANCISCO

If Tony Romo doesn’t turn the ball over, The Cowboys make the legion of obnoxious fans spend this whole week on sports talk radio annoying the hell out of us with their “WE’RE BACK” garbage. Their offense, despite the miscues, is quite talented, and can hang on the field with virtually any defense, as was proved out last week. The Niners had a decent start against a horrible Seadogs team at home, but the Seadogs, like I said, are pretty bad. Dallas is a much superior team offensively, if they don’t shoot themselves in the arse. Oh, boy, rest of us fans – Get ready – here comes a Cowboys blowout. Stanley from Sacramento will be getting hung up on more than usual next week!

HOUSTON @ MIAMI

Remember what I said about making hay? Time to feed the hosses, Texans – Foster’s comin’ back, and will have not missed a step running against that wretched Dullphins defense. I don’t care if its home in Florida – If the Leos didn’t wilt in Tampa, the Texans certainly WON’T in Miami. Hell, it’s hotter in HOOSTUN than MIAMI – And what’s this GARBAGE with Miami actually FAVORED???!!!! That’s gotta be a misprint – Look for that line to go down. You’d be crazy not to take the Texans and ANY spread…

SAN DIEGO @ NEW ENGLANDLAND

This is when Tommy Terrific comes back down to earth. The Chargers are a more complete team than Miami. It will bear itself out with the way the game’s played. I think Rivers and his Frisbee-catchin’ dogs put a lot of pressure on the Pastry-Rots. If Miami managed 400 yards on this defense, I think the ‘Boltz can certainly ring up at least the same. Pats fans, you MAY want to follow Tommy Tee’s advice and start drinkin’! Take the Chargers and the +6 ½.

CINCINATTI @ DENVER

You know it’s bad in Denver if after ONE WEEK, the cries are already loudly clanging for Tim Tebow –
Come on, y’all! Do you think that for ONE SECOND that Foxy would put that overgrown halfback in over Brady Quinn? Give it up. Not happenin. You’re getting Foxball again, which I’m counting on working better against a beat-up Bungles team that eked out a miracle win against the Brownies on the road, than against your most bitter of rivals. I’m doin’ it again, kids. Take Foxball and the -4 ½, and Orton-hears- a-Who is safe for one more week. The legend of Tim Tebow gets a little larger…

PHILTHADELPHIA @ ATLANTA

This game was huge two years ago, but it was Donovan McSnabb dealin’ the pain. This year, it’s Vick’s turn. Don’t think he WON’T be juiced to see all of the red “7” jerseys in the Georgia Dome – he’s full of crap if he denies it – Something looked wretchedly wrong with the Duckies last week against a team they should have THROTTLED! I think we’ll see a team that more closely resembles the track team of last year – HOWEVER – they were exposed by Green Bay in the playoffs, and to this date, don’t look any different – Did you know that the Duckies didn’t win a SINGLE preseason game? May be something to that. The Iggles, on the other hand, played magnificently on the road IN a DOME, despite being outsized on both lines. I’d say that’s terrific coaching by Andy Reid’s staff. The Iggles may be tested early, but it’s Vick and company that overcome. Take Philthy and the -2 ½.

ST. LOOEY at NOO YAWK FOOTBALL GIANTS

This is a beat-up Giants team, especially on defense. Good thing for them that the Lambs wound up hemorrhaging off vital parts of their offensive attack, or this might be uglier than I think it’s going to be. The Giants are dinged up offensively, too, but St. Looey plays differently out of that dome. I like the GEEE Men to cover that -4 ½ points at home.

There! All 16 teams picked this week!

See you all in the lot for a great season opening tail gate as we welcome Steve Tate “The Owner” and the YAZ TOUR boys –
Last week – 6 and 9

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Email me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com