THE WEEKLY HANDICAP AND OTHER CLARIVOYANCES - WEEK 11

A pleasant Wednesday evening to you all, NFL fans- With the league starting play here on out on Thursdays, I gotta get the picks in fairly quick! With my record hovering just over .500, I’m hoping to trend up just like our KittyCats – This is the first full week since Week 4. Now everyone’s had their bye, so say bye-bye to the bye, until the playoffs, and here comes the last 7 games!

And with that –

MIAMI @ CAROLINA

This game seems more compelling that it did a few weeks ago – look at the similarities for one – Both teams started 0-3, then got back into contention with some key wins – Both teams lean HEAVILY on the running game, both teams have some hard-hitting beasts on defense. And both teams are 4-5, with a chance to start making hay with what’s left of the season. Here’s another angle –

Dan Henning.

The architect of the “Wildcat” that was REALLY unveiled with OUR Panthers, with DeAngelo as the fulcrum of that attack. Henning took an awful lot of heat for the team’s offensive inadequacies back in ’07, and was dismissed, and in aftersight, unfairly. Think he wants to stick it to Foxy after that indignity?
The bad news is, he will be WITHOUT his big back, Ronnie Brown. But more bad news for us –No Gross.
It will be a hard-hitting but entertaining contest. If the defense slows down Ricky Williams, the OTHER Williams should get his yards. But there’s that revenge angle, which HAS been relevant this season, and Carolina’s TERRIBLE home record against the spread – I’m not bucking the trend. Underdog Miami to cover the +3.

Now to Sunday’s action.

CLEVELANDLAND @ DETROIT

When, oh when, would the loveable loser Leos be FAVORED in a game? When the worst team that’s taken the field in years comes to your house – The buzzard-breath balls-out-bad Browns. I forced myself to watch last Monday’s game against the Ravens because of fantasy implications for me, as I had Balty-Moore elements on my teams. The Browns bring sucking to a new art form. And still, every time I take the Leos they lose. One more chance, Motor City Kitties. Unleash Calvin Johnson on them and cover your -3 ½ points.

BUFFALO @ JACKSONVILLE

The first coaching casualty of the season has fallen upon Dickie Jauron. I can’t say I’m surprised. The team had truly underperformed the past two seasons, and they lack solid leadership. That old axiom about “surrounding the wagons”? Forget it. The Jaggy-wyers are on a roll, and if they are going to have any chance at a wild card (because they are NOT catching the Colts!) they need to win these kind of games. They will put they Bills away early. Take the Jags and the -8 ½.

PISSBURGH @ KANSAS CITY

I think the worst thing for the Chefs was the Squeelers losing to the Bungles at home last week. Boy, are they going to be PISSED!!! If you’ve got any of the big boys like WorthlessBerger or Hines Ward or Mendenhall on your fantasy team –

PLAY ‘EM.

Squeelers by double digits.

INDIANAPOLIS @ BALTY-MOORE

Do the bookies know something the rest of the world doesn’t? How is it that the UNDEFEATED COLTS, at 9-0, are a ONE POINT UNDERDOG? Never mind they’re at Balty-moore, the Ravens just aren’t playing up to last years standards. I think it will be close, but Peyton Prevails.

ATLANTA @ NY GEEEEMEN
Here’s a pair of 5-4 teams with seasons on the brink. Both of them have porous defenses, hamstrung rushing attacks, and one of them has a QB teetering on a crisis of confidence. And it ain’t Brotha Manning. The line is off, but the G’ints really need this game, and they will take it.

SAN FRANCISCO @ GREEN BAY

Last week was a statement game for the Packers, and it was a pickoff fest for the Niners as Cutler tossed 5 picks in his very best Joke Delhomme imitation. Rodgers won’t do that here. But I’d expect a tough contest. I think Samurai’s boys hold their own on the Tundra – and cover the +6 ½.

SEATTLE @ MINI-SODA

I believe I mentioned in a post prior to this one that math was the only ally left for Seattle.

See ya, Math. Favres by double digits. One more week for the old man to stay upright.

WARSHINGTOON @ DALLAS

You’ve heard the old axiom that says “throw the record books out when these two get together” –

Don’t bother. Even with last week’s surprise win over the Broncoids (Come on, Chris Sims is NOT an NFL quarterback!) Tony Romo would have to peel off his face, revealing Jake Delhomme for the Cowpuppies to lose this game. They are the far superior team across the board and are NOT losing this game. Bet the barn and the bass boat on the ‘Babies. By double digits.

NEW ORLEANS @ TAMPA BAY

Don’t let the records fool you. This is a division game, and if last week’s clunker against the Lambs can teach the Saints anything, it’s that you CANNOT take ANY team in this league for granted, if you don’t stay focused and on your game. Josh Freeman gave the Dolphins a test last week, expect more of the same for this contest. Except the Saints pass with flying colours. Saints big, by double digits.

ARID-ZONA @ SAD LOUIS

The Cardy-noles have been terrific on the road this season. This Sunday will be more of the same against the division doormats. The line is a wimpy -9 for Arid-Zona, and I think they will win by double digits.

NY JETS @ NEW ENGLANDLAND

I would expect Dr Evil-Chek to concoct a virulent hoo-doo against their division rivals, especially after the embarrassment of “FourthDownGate”. Except the Jets, I believe, are going to fight, if not for their playoff lives, for pride. Which is pretty big after Rexy gave a tearful, emotion speech to his charges this week. The Brady Bunch will score, no doubt, but I think the return of Jericho Cotchery helps Marky Sanchez out enough to keep ‘em in the game. Gimme the J*E*T*S and the +10 ½.

CINCINATTI @ CrOAKLAND

Bungles, DO NOT follow your glowing performance at Squeeler Field with a clunker at the Black Hole. And I can see it happening. Prove me wrong, Marvin. That’s a pretty weeny line there, at -9 ½ for the visitors. If Cincinatti wants to go far in the postseason, this is where you have got to make hay. I say they DON’T stumble, and win by double digits.

SAN DIEGO @ DENVER

Chris Simms took all of the snaps in practice this week. Uh –Oh. This is where the collapse of ’09 begins for the Broncoids. The line is off, but the Chargers are gonna bust the Broncoids like a beer bottle in a bar fight ….

PHILTHYDELPHIA @ CHICAGO

After some wretched games by these two last week, it feels like the season is getting away from them. Except it feels like it’s going away for Da Bears on greased rails. I think Philthy blitzes Chicago into submission. They are favoured by -3, and I’d certainly think they’d cover.

TENNESSEE @ HOUSTON

THANK GOD for a decent matchup for Monday night after last week’s abortion! Tennessee is starting to play more like it’s old self, as Vinnie Young is beginning to resurrect his career. But Houston is working on a special season. They may have gotten Mr. Hyde outta their system, and I think The Dr. Jekylls come through in a really entertaining show. Take the home Texans and the -4 ½.

There we are Fanz, the quickest the weekly clairvoyance has hit the web.

Enjoy the games, see you in the lot!

Last week –
7-7
Season – 72-70

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