THE CEDAR STREET SEER'S HALFWAY REPORT

Dang, I’m a week late with this, but bear with me. It’s been a busy month. The shape of the NFL season is taking a different form now – teams that appeared to be invulnerable just a few weeks ago now find their seasons on the brink – the season is now past the halfway mark, and there’s seven games left to play, and even though ten teams have no realistic shot whatsoever for postseason play, we can begin to see trends in the other twenty four.

Let’s annie-lies them, huh?

AFC DIVISION LEADERS
NEW ENGLANDLAND (6-3) INDIANAPOLIS (9-0) CINCINATTI (yes, THE BUNGLES AT 7-2!!!) DENVER (6-3) SAN DIEGO (6-3)
The Belichek-induced blunder of the most arrogant proportions still doesn’t puncture the prospects of yet another division title for the Pastry-Rots. While a first-round bye may not be happening, this New Englandland offense will be sure to create many an exciting contest in the weeks to come. Too bad the defense isn’t up to par with Brady and his FCD’s. I’m wondering now, WHO on the schedule is going to challenge Older Brotha Manning and his Colts? All of a sudden, the Ravens now look ordinary, so next week’s contest doesn’t look so daunting. Speaking of the Ravens, and their division mates the Squeelers, both are looking up, incredulously enough, at the AMAZING BUNGLES!!! Can you belive THAT??? And they’re doin’ it with DEFENSE. If Cincy continues to trend this way, I think Marvin Lewis should absolutely get Coach of the Year, over Jimmy Caldwell OR Sean Peyton.Trending WAY up are the resurgent Chargers, and trending DOWN are the Broncoids, who now may have lost Kyle –Orton ‘eers a ‘OO. Not good, for a team that started 6-0, now in danger of once again surrendering a huge division lead to, again, The San Diego Chargers. And what’s the marquis game of next week? These Broncoids, in a now-desparation game against these Chargers. Get your popcorn ready.

AFC WILD CARD DERBY
PISSBURGH (6-3) JACKSONVILLE (5-4) HOUSTON (5-4) BALTY-MOORE (5-4) MIAMI (4-5) NY JETS (4-5)
TENNESSEE (3-6) BUFFALO (3-6)

Of these teams, only the Squeelers have a realistic shot at winning their division, but because of the sweep by Cincinnati, a tie does Pissburgh no good, and very bad news indeed, is they will be without backfield madman Polomalu for the foreseeable future. Trending up are AFC South teams Jacksonville and Houston, but trending down are Balty-Moore and the Jets. Miami is hot-and-cold, and their schedule is going to be tough. Tennessee is regaining its football prowess after a horrendous 0-6 start, but it’s realistically too late for a chance at a wild card spot. But with Vince Young’s career possibly saved, I DEFINITELY think that the Titans get a few opportunities to play spoiler. Mathematics is the only hope Buffalo has, and with each passing week, will ebb and they get to join the next group, by the time I post the 3rd quarter report…

AFC JIMMY CLAUSSEN SWEEPSTAKES
CLEVELANDLAND (1-8) KANSAS CITY (2-7) CrOAKLAND (2-7)

Even though I DESPISE the overrated independent from South Bend, IN, I think Jimmy Claussen is going to be the #1 quarterback prospect of the 2010 draft. And the team that needs him the worst is the wretched AfRaiders. What a shame. And they could be the head of a really bad group of teams that are setting records for wretchedness, even moreso than my wretched use of that word and it’s derivative THREE times in the same paragraph. Hey, it’s not cutting edge journalism, y’all. Kansas City is playing the best of these three, and may actually win another game or two before the regular season’s over.


NFC DIVISION LEADERS
DALLAS (6-3) NEW ORLEANS (9-0) MINI-SODA (8-1) ARID-ZONA (6-3)

The amazing run of the New Orleans Saints is bound to run right up to the NFC Championship game, no doubt. There is virtually no weakness in their game right now. And right behind them, the Mini-Soda Favres, although I’m still expecting Mr. Franchise to break down any week now. Dallas has about as good a chance of winning their division as they’ve ever had, as the G’ints and Fleeguls have been exposed. But the improved Cowbabies have problems of their own, as demonstrated by their failure last week at the vulnerable Packers. I still think Romo the Homo is Jake Delhomme in a Cowbabies uniform. As long as Kurt Warner can find his FCD’s, a return trip to the playoffs could be a certainty for the Cardy-noles.

NFC WILD CARD DERBY
PHILTHYDELPHIA (5-4) NY GEEMEN (5-4) ATLANTA (5-4) GREEN BAY (5-4) CAROLINA (4-5) CHICAGO (4-5) SAN FRANCISCO (4-5) WARSHINGTOON (3-6) SEATTLE (3-6)

You could make a case for half of these teams finding their way to the postseason. And you could make a case against it for any of them. The Iggles and GeeeMen have serious flaws in their execution that could jeopardize their playoff status. And of course, the Cowbabies could have their now-annual December collapse and open the door for one of these Megapolis teams. Matt-Ice-Ryan’s long gone past the melting point, and the sophomore slump I predicted this summer is coming to pass. Michael Turner is hurt, and there’s no way they are catching the Saints. They will have to fix what’s wrong fairly quickly, because the team that’s trending up in the conference is amazingly enough, the Carolina Panthers. Because other than the top four teams, most of the remainder of the conference has just a little more than math on their side. The Panther Defense is starting to get Ron Meek’s scheme, and that’s always something that makes a perfect fit to that resurgent rushing attack, the ideal traveling game in December. There’s a pretty nice story going on in San Francisco, where Samurai’s boys have still got something to say about the division. Chicago had better hope Cutler regains his “Franchise” form. There’s pretty much no chance, barring an inexplicable collapse by the Favres, for Da Bears OR Packers to catch them. I still like Rodgers and his FDC’s to make the dance. As with Buffalo and Tennesee, Seattle and Warshingtoon have only math as their friend, and a fickle one at that. They will join the dregs of the following list in the weeks to come –

NFC JIMMY CLAUSSEN SWEEPSTAKES

TAMPA BAY (1-8) DETROIT (1-8) SAD LOUIS (1-8)
Eeeechhhh. Of these three, I could only imagine the Leos winning more than one or possibly two games, although the Suckaneers are starting to get some inspired play by their first round choice Josh Freeman. But this is a team sport, and these three are at least a draft away from regaining competitive form. And Detroit doesn’t need a franchise QB.

So how do you see the playoffs shaking out, Mr. Cedar Street Seer?

In the AFC, the top two seeds are going to be Indy (no DUH!!!) who will have the home field, and yes, THE BUNGLES! The Pastry-Rots will entertain Houston, and San Diego will host the Squeelers. And out of this six, you know you would have to like Manning’s chances.

In the NFC, The Saints will take the #1 seed, and the Favre’s will take the #2, but barely, because The Favre will no longer be in playing shape. The Iggles wind up winning the division, because I’m counting on a Cowpuppy December swoon. They will host the Packers, while Arid-zona will host their division rivals San Francisco. And there’s no way I’m picking against the Saints in this contest. And for once, we will have a REAL Super Bowl with the very top seeds represented. I’m pretty confident about that!

Thanks for indulging my fascination with the league and reading my tripe. I’ll be back tomorrow with the VERY early handicap.

YIKES!

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