THE WEEKLY HANDICAP AND OTHER CLARIVOYANCES - WEEK 15

Another winning week gets me somewhat anxious to pound out another batch of winners for your speculative pleasure. And well in time for this evening malodorous offering by the NFL Network – read on!

JACKSONVILLE @ ATLANTA

Ahhh, but what thirty minutes hath wrought for the Duckies, coming back from certain doom to the Cam-A-Lots! They can strengthen their playoff positioning tonight with an easy win over the newly acquired Jaggy-Whyers. I will tune in to get the score only. Really no reason to watch unless you happen to be a fan or a fantasy owner. Duckies by -11 ½.

DALLAS @ TAMPA BAY

Doing all the little things badly is what’s handicapped the Cowboys this season. Although JJ has gone on the record for publicly supporting his head coach, his tune would undoubtedly change if they were to drop this one – Look at it this way – if Carolina and Jacksonville bombed on these guys like they have in the past two weeks, can you imagine what a talented squad like Dallas would do? If they start doing the little things right – Tampa is doing ALL things badly, and it will reflect in the score. Dallas by -7.

NY GIANTS @ WARSHINGTOON

After that shellacking the GeeeeeeeeeeeeeMen took in New Orleans three weeks ago, Manning and Co. have played as well as anyone in the league as of late. This is when they typically turn on the jets, if you’ll pardon the expression. I find it odd and mildly fascinating that the vastly underperforming teams with no shot at the postseason start playing for their jobs at this stage of the season, and it appeared as if the DeadSkins were doing the same against New EnglandGland last week. Even if they do the same, it won’t be enough. The Giants have a chance to keep their hold on the division and their only shot at the playoffs, and they win. By a touch.

GREEN BAY @ KANSAS SHITTY

Trap game? Hmmm. This would be the upset of the year. How will the Chefs respond to Romeo Crenell’s leadership? I’ve got this feelin’ that release from Todd Haley’s quirky dictatorship will be motivating. I’ve got a hunch they keep this interesting! Chefs to cover the 14!

NEW ORLEANS @ MINI-SODA

Dome team in a dome against a sucky opponent playing for pride only. The Saints are playing for records, and seeding. Saints by -7.

SEATTLE @ CHICAGO

How things have fallen apart (as I predicted, BTW,) for the Bears! With the loss of Forte and Cutler, the offensive output has plummeted! The loss to the Tebows has seriously punctured Chicago’s playoff balloon. And here comes suddenly relevant Seattle with resurgent Marshawn Lynch! I would expect them to run him till that overrated Bears Defense could stop him. They can only hope to contain him. Seahawsks to cover the +3 ½.

MIAMI @ BUFFALO

Ok, the Matt Moore express has come to a screeching halt for the Dull-Phins. And the early season hope for the Bills has turned into the perennial December Dissapointment once again. A game for the savory only. The line is still off, but I like the Bills at home, to give an early holiday gift to the faithful.

CAROLINA @ HOUSTON

Early in the season, I would have certainly put this in the “L” column. It’s still not a bad bet, but the Carolina offense is CERTAINLY putting up numbers, if sporadically, against ALL defenses this year and Houston’s got one of the best. But they haven’t seen Cam yet. With a playoff spot secured, the pressure is off the Texans, but seeding’s stll at stake. The excessively perforated Panther Defense will see a heavy dose of Foster and Bell all day, and it will be the difference. But the Panthers will play. I like ‘em to cover the +6 ½.

TENNESSEE @ INDIANAPOLIS

The Titans still have a shrinking chance at a playoff spot, and they are the better team. The Colts are in a malfeacently unfamiliar position as a team with NO wins going into the second week in December. How bad do they want ONE win, and over a familiar opponent in Tennessee? I DO think they want it bad enough, but Dan Orvolosky isn’t going to help them bring it. I like the losing to continue for Indy, who won’t even cover the spread of +6 ½.

CINCINNATI @ SAD LOOEY

Same story as above, but even less pressure on the Lambs, who DO have a pair of wins, and a high draft choice for next year locked up, and almost zero motivation to fight the vastly superior Bengals, who maintain their flickering playoff hopes with a road win by -6.

DETROIT @ OAKLAND

Desperation time for both teams as they fight to keep postseason possibilities alive. The Leos get DonkeyKong Suh back after two weeks in the naughty boy box, and I have a feeling the Raiders will pay for his pent-up anger. They have been disconnected offensively for the past three weeks, which is actually a surprise to me. If they can’t get things to go this week, I’m almost prepared to say the Carson Palmer experiment may have failed. Granted, they’ve lost some punch in the backfield, but other players needed to pick up the slack, which they’ve not done enough of. It will be hard to stop a motivated Leos team who clinch at least a winning record for the first time since last century – which they will.

NEW ENGLANDGLAND @ DENVER

THE

TEBOW

FRENZY

STOPS

HERE.

This has been the most hyped up game since Ali-Frazier II, but this is what Cheat-A-Chek does best, putting an up-and-coming team in their place, and the buzz and energy will be short lived. Tebow Time? Bronco Time? BRADY BUNCH TIME. The Pastry-Rots will play this rope-a-dope game with the Broncoids for a half, and pull away in the second. The TeBlow express comes to a screeching halt for a week, and the Pastry-Rots POUND Denver at home. And Timmy Terrific gives thanks for the opportunity.

NY JETS @ PHILTYDELPHIA

Come on, y’all. That victory over Miami away from home means nothing. The Iggles are still a dysfunctional group even WITH Michael Vick. And the Jets are gaining momentum. I’d expect it to continue this Sunday. Wrong team favoured. Take the JETS and the +3 points. Sexy Rexy’s not screwin’ this up this late in the season –

CLEVELANDLAND @ ARID-ZONA

Man, I did NOT see that upset coming last week! The Cardy-noles put on their man-pants in defeating the Niners, and they are going to continue their late season gasp, futile as it might seem, against a really bad, and now highly scrutinized Browns team. Think they’ll take an extra look at Seneca Wallace if his bell gets rung like McCoy’s did by James Harrison? Gimme the Cardys and the -7.

BALTY-MOORE @ SAD DIEGO

This game could be one of the most entertaining of the day – The Ravens really NEED this one for seeding, and keeping up with the Squeelers. The Chargers are, as usual, bringing too little, too late to change their playoff fate, but they’ll certainly fight. But the Quothers prevail, ending whatever tease San Diego brought, and further sealing Norv Turner’s destiny.

PISSBURGH @ SAN FRANCISCO

Ahhh, at LAST a Monday Night game worth viewing start to finish! A pair of 10-3 teams fighting for playoff seeding, and they’ll hit like it! The disadvantage for the Squeelers is the injury to WorthlessBerger and his banged-up O line. This is bound to be one of those field goal games, which I’m expecting the Niners to win. No line on this one, but I feel good about a San Francisco victory.

There you go, fans! Another winning slate of picks, and some against the line sure get the holiday cash a jinglin’…

See you with the post game rant on Monday.

Last week – 11-5
Season- 113-90

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