THE CEDAR STREET SEER'S QUARTERLY REPORT - 3RD QTR.

As I’ve bemoaned in the past couple of weeks, it feels as if this NFL season has flown by – we’re now in the stretch run and as I’d anticipated when the lockout lifted, and the league play commenced in a never-before seen haste, we’d be in store for quite an exciting league finish. Here’s my view of the league after a fully completed three quarters of play this season.

In the AFC, while no team has clinched a playoff spot – four are damned close. Five teams have a puncher’s chance, and FIVE teams cling to math support. Two are in the “Suck for Luck” sweepstakes, but really, you know which team is SOLIDLY in the lead. Here’s the breakdown –

AFC DIVISION LEADERS

NEW ENGLANDGLAND (9-3) HOUSTON (9-3) BALTY-MOORE (9-3) WHA-WHA-WHAT???? DENVER!!!???
(7-5)

It appears that the Pastry-Rots and Ravens could lock up their divisions – A tough game against the Broncoids defense and the Te-Blow mystique await New Englandgland, but that two-game lead on the Jets looks secure to me. The Quothers need to keep pace with the Squeelers – a season ender against the Bungles could be the deciding factor, and they MUST keep their foot on the pedal against the lesser teams they will be playing. The Texans are on tenuous ground – a gauntlet of Cincinnati, Cam Newton, and arch-rival Tennessee await, with a “gimme” against the Colts stands between them and their first division championship. They MUST win two of those, particularly the season ender against the Titans to accomplish that. To their favor, they have a December-ready running game and defense for that task.
I’m not going to devote a lot of keyboard time breaking down the Broncoids. I am suffering from Te-Blow over-exposure, and the Broncoid defense doesn’t get enough credit. But it sure looks like they are set to overtake the Raiders, and snag a MUCH improbable division championship. Good job, Foxy! In three years Colorado will be sick of Foxball…

AFC CONTENDERS

NY JETS (7-5) TENNESSEE (7-5) PISSBURGH (9-3) CINCINNATI (7-5) OAKLAND (7-5)

Of these five, the only sure thing you could count on is the Squeelers making it into the postseason, if not wresting the Norris division outright from the Ravens. As for the remainder, a case could be made for a 9-7 finish, or worse. Multiple tie-breakers would come into play, ESPECIALLY if the teams in the next grouping manage to parlay their mathematical lifeline into an honest-to-God .500 record, or better.
This will be a most exciting finish for the conference playoff participants, which couldn’t be better for the league.

AFC ON MATH SUPPORT

BUFFALO (5-7) MIAMI (4-8) CLEVELANDLAND (4-8) KANSAS SHITTY (5-7) SAD DIEGO (5-7)

Improbable, daunting, monumental, insurmountable, and yet, mathematically possible for ONE of these teams to miraculously reach the final wild card spot – Don’t count on it. There is less than a 97% chance for ‘em, and the proton torpedo hits the exhaust tube only in the Star Wars movies, and Luke Skywalker has to be the one doing it. Disappointing and underachieving finishes will likely doom the tenures of Norv Turner and Tony Sorpano, but I believe that Chan Gailiey and Todd Haley will survive. First year coach Pat Shurmur will also get a pass.

AFC “SUCK FOR LUCK” CONTESTANTS

JACKSONVILLE (3-9) INDIANAPOLIS (0-12)

Much will be written in the months to come over this incredible collapse of the once-proud Colts franchise, who, after the loss of Peyton Manning, failed to field a team even remotely capable of competing. I would even hold future Hall-of-Fame executive Bill Polian responsible, Jim Caldwell will surely not survive the wreckage that a virtually certain 0-16 season will yield. The Jaggy-Whyers have already begun their purge, but really have no shot at the Colts’ futility, which gives them the right to draft the over-hyped, neck-bearded phenom from Stanford University.

The NFC has just a tightly-packed race for the finish, but two of the playoff participants have already been cast, with one more to be set this weekend. Here’s my breakdown-

NFC DIVISION LEADERS

DALLAS (7-5) NEW ORLEANS (9-3) GREEN BAY (12-0) SAN FRANCISCO (10-2)

The Packers and Niners have punched their tickets – the only question for the Packers is-
Will they finish undefeated? I’ve analyzed the technical readout provided to me by my R-2 unit, and I’ve discovered a weakness in their defense. An ordinary collection of defensive backs can be penetrated by a precise passing attack, however unlikely. This offense reminds me much like New Englandgland’s back in ’08. We all know what happened in that “Perfect” season – All the Niners have to do is keep the foot on the pedal, and avoid a letdown. The Saints are in great shape to finish the season and possibly secure the #2 seed. A victory over the Titans this weekend will do it. They finish the season at home, against the Duckies and Panthers. Dallas is reeling, and has a pair of season-deciding games against the Giants, and Jason Garrett’s employment with Lord Jerry hangs in the balance.

NFC CONTENDERS

NY GIANTS (6-6) ATLANTA (7-5) CHICAGO (7-5) DETROIT (7-5)

Even at the mark of 6-6, the GeeeeeMen have a legitimate shot at the NFC LEAST division, and because of the apparent ineptitude of the Cowboys, so do the Feeguls and DeadSkins! As I had pointed out above, two defining games with those Cowboys remain for Gotham, must see sports, indeed. The Duckies are sputtering, and a loss to the emergent Panthers will certainly doom them. The loss of Matt Forte and the “stellar” play of Caleb Hanie pretty much doom the Bears as well. The fade I’d predicted for them is ON, baby… The Lions will need to win three of their last four to guarantee their first playoff appearance since last century – The Vikings, Raiders, Chargers could accommodate that before a chance to SPOIL the Packers perfect record – on the frozen Tundra…

NFC ON MATH SUPPORT

PHILTYDELPHIA (4-8) WARSHINGTOON (4-8) CAROLINA (4-8) TAMPA BAY 4-8) SEATTLE (5-7) ARID-ZONA (5-7)

Just as I had written about the clump of AFC mathematical clingers, the fate of this sextet is assuredly sealed, but just the barest of chances is enough to keep a healthy part of the fan base interested. Realistically, ruining playoff runs of their opponents is the very best fans can expect. Whatever happens in the next four weeks is likely too little, and far too late for the futures of Andy Reid, Mike Shanahan, and Raheem Morris. Pete Carrol will certainly survive, as will Ken Weisenhut, and Ron Rivera will be given every opportunity next season.

NFC “SUCK FOR LUCK” CONTESTANTS

MINI-SODA (2-10) SAD LOOEY (2-10)

Even more ignaminous than the sucky record, and the potential of finishing with a meager two wins, is the fact that the Colts have likely locked up that #1 pick. Vikings – Lambs – here’s your consolation –
Super stud cornerback Morris Claiborne from the Bayou Bengals! You don’t need no stinkin’ quarterback anyway!

As for the postseason, I would forecast the seeding in the AFC to go-

1-BALTY-MOORE
2-NEW ENGLANGLAND
3-HOUSTON
4-DENVER
5-PISSBURGH
6-NY JETS


I would also forecast the Texans to overcome the Jets, and Denver’s defense to be a worthy match to the Squeelers, and the Te-Blow story survives another week, but will not withstand the Quothers. And the feel-good Texans story -----

CONTINUES!

As TJ Yates does enough to keep his Texans in the game in Foxboro, and Dr. Cheat-a-chek again experiences the January Swoon of his Pastry-Rots. But the Ravens prevail in the championship game.

In the NFC, I would forecast the seeding to go like this -

1- GREEN BAY
2- NEW ORLEANS
3- SAN FRANCISCO
4- NY GIANTS
5- ATLANTA
6- DETROIT

The woefully decimated Giants make a quick exit against the Duckies, and the Niners subtract the Lions. The Duckies get a rematch of last year’s debacle, this time, on the tundra! And in one of the sweetest games in the rivalry, the Saints CRUSH the Niners in the dome to set up a division championship sure to be salivated on by all red-blooded fans of the game –

Which I’d love to see the Saints win –

Which they can –

AND WILL!

And the comparisons to that dude that wore #4 will sadly continue for Aaron Rogers, and the Saints go on to have a memorable match with the Balty-Moore Ravens for Super Bowl XLVI!

There you go fans, your most entertaining analysis for your lunchtime reading – what a great four weeks this is going to be!

See you later this afternoon with the picks –

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