August 24 2008
Well, I’m pondering what I just saw in the House the PSL and Uncle Jerry built- You all saw it, you may have been wild with ecstasy like me, at least at first. The stats we’re all familiar with by now, the voices on WFNZ will no doubt go over them ad nauseum, at least until our even more meaningless tilt with the PissBurgh Squealers this Thursday. To really appreciate what happened last night; let’s take a quick look back at what we’ve ENDURED from the team thus far.
Must we, Crazy Joe?
Oh, we must, we must.
We’ve seen a largely uninspired performance from an overrated team for the past two years now, endured the brief disaster that was Dinky Carr and the heroic but futile effort from Vinnie Testosterone. Steve Smith and little else. An over heralded and over the hill defense that stops NOONE.
A maddening inability to get off the field on third down, and a wretchedly disappointing failure to get one yard when we needed it. An absolute home field DISadvantage when the visiting fans had control of the stadium. All of which drove me to protest with my spirit and lack of passion, as all of you remember from last year, when I just couldn’t take it anymore. If you remember my past rants toward the end of the season, I had given up all hope. But Matt Moore, the offseason purge, and the draft really started to give me a little confidence. Then it grew. And I gave the bold prediction four months ago –
The Carolina Panthers would not suck in ’08.
Boy, when I’m right, I’m right.
Yes, last night was PRESEASON and does not count, and I really shouldn’t belabor that point with you, the readers, because you’re intelligent enuff to recognize that. But the WAY we won that game, the MOST IMPORTANT GAME of the preseason, is the beginning of what is hopefully the wondrous detergent that begins to wash the stink of the past two seasons off of our merry Cedar Street lot, the most precious of tailgating real estate in PantherLand, in my opinion. If the first half of each of the three preseason games is an indication of what’s to come for the season, this is what’s for certain, and you don’t need the Cedar Street Seer to show it to you- But I’ll take the space on The Blogosphere to do it, just cause I’m that kinda guy.
The Panthers defense will DOMINATE. The rehaul of the defensive line and the switching of Peppers will give offensive coordinators a few sleepless nights planning to play Apocalypse Meow. Backing the line rotation is a fortuitously DEEP and talented linebacking corps- and a very solid secondary. I’m particularly pleased with the consistent hustle from Richard Marshall, who by the way, makes special teams a little less UNspecial this year. Look at what the mighty first string offenses of Indianapolis, Philadelphia, and Warshington did against the defense- UhUh. Not much. Although Donovan McSnabb flung the biscuit against us in that slopfest two weeks ago, he couldn’t punch it in.
The running game will be the weapon of choice for Jeff Davidson. Between the yawner in Philly and the track meet at home last night, is the reality of the running game for us this year, which will be FoxBall at its most basic, lots of fundamental with little flash. This new beefy O Line is the real deal, and is the ideal situation for Williams and Stewart. Question is, Remainder of the NFL-
How do you want to get beat by us? By bludgeon, as Jonathan Stewart busts the tackles, or by stiletto, as DeAngelo Willams slices and dices the secondary as the line opens gaping holes? And if you’re an opponent playing to stop the run, which I’m sure SOME teams are going to have temporary success doing, there’s this little dude wearing the 89 jersey who will be ITCHING to play come Week 3, and his big buddy number 87. The improvement of Dewayne Jarrett is exponential. Jason Carter is CERTAINLY a step up from DREW Carter (who by the way has torn up his knee with the Raiders-season over for him). The tight ends are solid too- I really like the tandem of Rosario and King, and gives Jake additional dependable receivers where before a shutdown of Smith meant no play, or worse.
The special teams will no longer be the abortion we endured last year. Rhys Lloyd will make sure we have more touchbacks, and Richard Marshall and Dan Conner will be those headhunters we need on the returns.
Which brings me back to the game just played. After jumping around like a crazed primate in the first half, leading the “C-A-T-S” cheer FOUR TIMES in my section, I felt a little odd by the second half. I guess, first of all, my beer buzz had worn off, and I’m hesitant to fill my body with seven-dollar beers. Strange emotions began to flood me. My demeanor came full circle, from the sit-on-my-ass detachment from last year, to the wild exultation of the scorefest, to the quiet satisfaction of silencing the DeadSkins fans, and again, sitting dispassionately in my seat. But this was a DIFFERENT dispassion – I was trying to comprehend what I was seeing - How unusual was this? For once, a stadium that was AT LEAST 25% Redskin fans was muted for the visitors. I tried to remember when we had put 40+ points on ANYONE, let alone the preseason! Another strange thought came to me-
I thought of a boy or a girl, in some ravaged, destitute, famine stricken Third World country, sitting with thousands of other suffering children in some squalid refugee camp. Upon receiving an Operation Christmas Child box, proudly opening up the box, selecting ONE goodie, they return the box to the giver, not at all perceiving the WHOLE BOX was for him/her! And how overwhelmed with joy and gratitude when they learn that INDEED, the entire box is for THEM ALONE-
All those points for us? The Ragged Panthers, lords of the Pasture of Disasture? Is this victory, over the much - heralded WarshingToon FredSkins really for us? In some kind of cruel cosmic joke, did some other team fill our uniforms and fool us into thinking we were had superior playing ability after all? Some of us in the section were hoping we could stash twenty points or so in some metaphysical “Points Bank” to use when we invariably have trouble dispatching the F***ING DUCKIES or some other NFL bottom feeder we are to play this year. Kathie, my wife, offered to pinch me as we walked out of the stadium, as I sarcastically sang “Hail to the Redskins” as for once, the visiting fans left with the lousy taste of a wretched performance, and dominating ASSWHOOPIN was put on-
BY US.
And as I stated in April, who is coming to the stadium that fills the stands with fans of the visitor? I’m actually kind of sorry at the prospect. If we play the kind of football I think we are going to play, I sure would love to rub it in to those Cowgirl, Squealer and Packer fans who’ve never seen Wisconsin, Texas or Western Pennsylvania.
As for the Packers and CowPatties, that’s the playoffs for you- IF you make it that far. The Packers, probably not.
Squealers?
That’s Tampa.
And while that’s an NFL eternity down the road, our preseason performance can’t help but excite us at the prospect, and now, seems a little more realistic.
I’m drinkin’ the Kool-Aid, FANZ! I believe in this year’s Carolina Panthers! Bring on the Sad Diego Chargers!
Gotta Comment?
E- mail me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
24 August, 2008
17 April, 2008
OFFSEASON RANT, pt. 1
April 15, 2008
Well, Fanz, it’s not lost on me it’s Tax Return Deadline day. Having taken care of that chore months ago, I won’t rub it in. But just this once-
NYAHHH NYAHHH NYAHHH!
Ok, I’m done. I got my bill for my season tickets last month. For the first time since I’ve been a fan, I’ve shuddered at the cost. For TWO seats, lower level, diagonal to the endzone, I am paying close to TWO GRAND! For EIGHT REGULAR SEASON GAMES- I’m not even COUNTING Pre-Season! After the largely forgettable season this year, it’s like your freshly-exed girlfriend insulting your gland size as she struts out the door. Ohhh, the pain. And James tells us that parking is going up too, but that’s not so bad, because WE control what happens in the lot. And that, my friends, is something to treasure and appreciate.
I also got the new schedule in the e-mail today, and looking at it got me thinkin’. I’m now recovered from my NCAA swoon, and because I just can’t get excited about the NBA or NHL, I’m letting myself get a little fired up about football. Oh, Baseball and NASCAR’s great, but there’s LOTS of racin’ and runnin’ left in these young seasons.
For those of you who are NOT PSL owners, and don’t have advance of the schedule, or have’nt commited it to memory, here’s what it looks like, REGULAR SEASON-
September 7th. 4.15 kickoff- @Sad Diego Chargers
A possibly overrated AFC team with some pretty potent weapons exposed during last year’s playoffs. Winnable, but I’m budgeting a loss for this one.
September 14th, 1.00 kickoff- Da Chicaaagooo Beayahhhhs.
An aging team, especially defensively, that’s on a downward trend. A very winnable home opener. PantherFanz party and get happy.
September 21st, 1.00 kickoff- @Minnesota Vikings
An NFC team on the rise with a flashy running back and a nice crop of draftees and free agents. An “L” for the Puddycats.
September 28th, 1.00 kickoff- THE…………ATLANTA………FUCKLONS……
Those HATED DUCKIES come into our house once again. There is no freakin’ way, no way, no how, that we can lose to these slackers. AGAIN. If we do, Foxy should be watching his back from this point on.
October 5th, 1.00 kickoff Kansas City Chefs
PantherFanZ will indeed be the Chefs for the Chefs, cooking up a nice win for the home crowd. The Chiefs are in sad shape, worse than us. This should be a happy day for the Fanz and the team.
October 12th, 1.00 kickoff @Tampa Bay Buck-an-Ears.
Rivalry renewed. Probably our most evenly matched opponent in the division. It’s been fun, and I’m anticipating more of the same this year. Possibly a split this year.
October 19th, 1.00 kickoff N’awlins sAINT’s
A health DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOce McCallister makes a difference on this team, but a perennially shell-shocked Danielle Morgan does not. Possibly a splitszky here, too, but I’m thinkin’ sweep. By us.
October 26th 1.00 kickoff Arizona Cardy-Noles
We close out the season with the perennial underachievers. Note that I show off my totally unprofessional attention to writing detail by using the word “Perennial” and it’s derivative in consecutive paragraphs.
And, precisely in the middle of the season, a bye. Eight games played, five home games. We should be no worse than 5-3 at that point, and solidly in front of our division . So what would the second half, heavy with road games, hold for our Carolina Panthers? My clairvoyance gland is telling me some early tales…. Read on, reader….
November 9th, 4.05 kickoff @ crOakland Ray-durrs
The Ray-durrs are a disappointing, underachieving, mismanaged bunch, and I don’t see any reason for RaiderNation to rejoice this year. PantherNation, on the other hand, starts the second half with a “W”.
November 16th. 1.00 kickoff Dee-troit Lions
Another underachieving mismanaged bunch we arrta clobber at home.
November 23rd, 1.00 kickoff @Fucklons, part II
We should shut up all 25,000 so called Falcon fans in attendance with their Vick jerseys on early. Another “W”.
November 30th, 1.00 kickoff @Green Bay Packers
The Tundra. The field. The fans. Brett Farve- oops, no Farve. What a difference ONE player makes. By this time, The Packers have found out what he meant to the team. Could Apocalypse Meow actually be 9-3 after this game? Just as Tiger Woods said to an interviewer at last week’s Masters concerning a “grand slam”…
“It’s reasonable to think so”…. Of course, Tiger went gaspipe to Immelman on Sunday…
December 8th, 8.30 kickoff MONDAY NIGHTA!!! Tampa Bay Bucks!
Our lone night game (so far, per NFL new end-of-season scheduling) and we’ll be loud, and ready. A great day to tailgate in the Queen City, especially if you’re lucky enuff to have a spot in the Cedar Street lot.
December 14th, 1.00 kickoff Denver Broncoids
Ok, Monday night hangover? The Broncoids? Not likely. Shanahan and his team are on a continuing downward spiral, the now mighty Panthers have another home victory.
December 21st, 1.00 kickoff @NooYawk Giants, Sooper Bowl Chumps
At this time of year, if the Giants haven’t wrapped up their tough division, it’s possible the Famous Super Bowl Swoon will have affected them and won’t even be fighting for their playoff lives. A game for pride, and we’ll be due. An “L”.
December 28th, 1.00 kickoff @ N’awlin’s Saints
We close out the season on the road to the friendly confines of the Sooperdome, and we will NOT finish the season on a losing note, not to these guys.
Can you say PLAYOFFS, baby!!!???
Now, of course, we COULD conceivably loose EVERY SINGLE GAME-
But hey, the draft’s ahead, we’ve got plenty of picks, some nice free agents in Pantherland, why not dream? Something to salve the sting of those high ticket prices… 12-4??? Toxy, where you at man, it’s bettin’ time….
Stay tuned… OffSeason Rant part II coming up….
Gotta Comment???
Email me, The Cedar Street Seer-
CaptnTee@aol.com
Well, Fanz, it’s not lost on me it’s Tax Return Deadline day. Having taken care of that chore months ago, I won’t rub it in. But just this once-
NYAHHH NYAHHH NYAHHH!
Ok, I’m done. I got my bill for my season tickets last month. For the first time since I’ve been a fan, I’ve shuddered at the cost. For TWO seats, lower level, diagonal to the endzone, I am paying close to TWO GRAND! For EIGHT REGULAR SEASON GAMES- I’m not even COUNTING Pre-Season! After the largely forgettable season this year, it’s like your freshly-exed girlfriend insulting your gland size as she struts out the door. Ohhh, the pain. And James tells us that parking is going up too, but that’s not so bad, because WE control what happens in the lot. And that, my friends, is something to treasure and appreciate.
I also got the new schedule in the e-mail today, and looking at it got me thinkin’. I’m now recovered from my NCAA swoon, and because I just can’t get excited about the NBA or NHL, I’m letting myself get a little fired up about football. Oh, Baseball and NASCAR’s great, but there’s LOTS of racin’ and runnin’ left in these young seasons.
For those of you who are NOT PSL owners, and don’t have advance of the schedule, or have’nt commited it to memory, here’s what it looks like, REGULAR SEASON-
September 7th. 4.15 kickoff- @Sad Diego Chargers
A possibly overrated AFC team with some pretty potent weapons exposed during last year’s playoffs. Winnable, but I’m budgeting a loss for this one.
September 14th, 1.00 kickoff- Da Chicaaagooo Beayahhhhs.
An aging team, especially defensively, that’s on a downward trend. A very winnable home opener. PantherFanz party and get happy.
September 21st, 1.00 kickoff- @Minnesota Vikings
An NFC team on the rise with a flashy running back and a nice crop of draftees and free agents. An “L” for the Puddycats.
September 28th, 1.00 kickoff- THE…………ATLANTA………FUCKLONS……
Those HATED DUCKIES come into our house once again. There is no freakin’ way, no way, no how, that we can lose to these slackers. AGAIN. If we do, Foxy should be watching his back from this point on.
October 5th, 1.00 kickoff Kansas City Chefs
PantherFanZ will indeed be the Chefs for the Chefs, cooking up a nice win for the home crowd. The Chiefs are in sad shape, worse than us. This should be a happy day for the Fanz and the team.
October 12th, 1.00 kickoff @Tampa Bay Buck-an-Ears.
Rivalry renewed. Probably our most evenly matched opponent in the division. It’s been fun, and I’m anticipating more of the same this year. Possibly a split this year.
October 19th, 1.00 kickoff N’awlins sAINT’s
A health DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOce McCallister makes a difference on this team, but a perennially shell-shocked Danielle Morgan does not. Possibly a splitszky here, too, but I’m thinkin’ sweep. By us.
October 26th 1.00 kickoff Arizona Cardy-Noles
We close out the season with the perennial underachievers. Note that I show off my totally unprofessional attention to writing detail by using the word “Perennial” and it’s derivative in consecutive paragraphs.
And, precisely in the middle of the season, a bye. Eight games played, five home games. We should be no worse than 5-3 at that point, and solidly in front of our division . So what would the second half, heavy with road games, hold for our Carolina Panthers? My clairvoyance gland is telling me some early tales…. Read on, reader….
November 9th, 4.05 kickoff @ crOakland Ray-durrs
The Ray-durrs are a disappointing, underachieving, mismanaged bunch, and I don’t see any reason for RaiderNation to rejoice this year. PantherNation, on the other hand, starts the second half with a “W”.
November 16th. 1.00 kickoff Dee-troit Lions
Another underachieving mismanaged bunch we arrta clobber at home.
November 23rd, 1.00 kickoff @Fucklons, part II
We should shut up all 25,000 so called Falcon fans in attendance with their Vick jerseys on early. Another “W”.
November 30th, 1.00 kickoff @Green Bay Packers
The Tundra. The field. The fans. Brett Farve- oops, no Farve. What a difference ONE player makes. By this time, The Packers have found out what he meant to the team. Could Apocalypse Meow actually be 9-3 after this game? Just as Tiger Woods said to an interviewer at last week’s Masters concerning a “grand slam”…
“It’s reasonable to think so”…. Of course, Tiger went gaspipe to Immelman on Sunday…
December 8th, 8.30 kickoff MONDAY NIGHTA!!! Tampa Bay Bucks!
Our lone night game (so far, per NFL new end-of-season scheduling) and we’ll be loud, and ready. A great day to tailgate in the Queen City, especially if you’re lucky enuff to have a spot in the Cedar Street lot.
December 14th, 1.00 kickoff Denver Broncoids
Ok, Monday night hangover? The Broncoids? Not likely. Shanahan and his team are on a continuing downward spiral, the now mighty Panthers have another home victory.
December 21st, 1.00 kickoff @NooYawk Giants, Sooper Bowl Chumps
At this time of year, if the Giants haven’t wrapped up their tough division, it’s possible the Famous Super Bowl Swoon will have affected them and won’t even be fighting for their playoff lives. A game for pride, and we’ll be due. An “L”.
December 28th, 1.00 kickoff @ N’awlin’s Saints
We close out the season on the road to the friendly confines of the Sooperdome, and we will NOT finish the season on a losing note, not to these guys.
Can you say PLAYOFFS, baby!!!???
Now, of course, we COULD conceivably loose EVERY SINGLE GAME-
But hey, the draft’s ahead, we’ve got plenty of picks, some nice free agents in Pantherland, why not dream? Something to salve the sting of those high ticket prices… 12-4??? Toxy, where you at man, it’s bettin’ time….
Stay tuned… OffSeason Rant part II coming up….
Gotta Comment???
Email me, The Cedar Street Seer-
CaptnTee@aol.com
OFFSEASON RANT, pt. II
April 17, 2008
Well, by now we’ve all absorbed the schedule, and we’ve all got our dreams of 12-4 dancing in our heads, but if you’re a pessimist like James, you’re facing an 11-5 season. This offseason has got me a little more fired up, because, once again, I’m going to revisit my “Wish List”, just to see how much my wishes came true----
To start, I got a feeling we are going to be seeing FAR more replays on that giant new scoreboard being installed at the Pasture of Disasture. After venting on a LENGHTY online survey offered by the big Cats themselves, I think they finally know what they have to do to make a better gameday experience for us who pay that ridiculous ticket price. Wish granted, maybe. The league is even thinking about getting rid of those nasty dreadlocks and overgrown manes like Polomalo’s - wish granted, maybe.
I really didn’t get any wishes come true in the coaching staff, so let’s REALLY hope the past year has been an aberration. At QB, Jake’s recovery is right on schedule, and he’s even filming a new Bojangles commercial as we speak, so things must be going well. As far as Matt Moore’s concerned, he’s more than earned a chance to compete for a spot here. Remember that Jake Delhomme, Romo the Homo and Tommy Brady were buried in the depth charts at one time, too. And in New York, just imagine if Eli goes down, The Hefty Lefty stinks it up, who do they have? Stinky Dinky, that’s who. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH- I laugh at the NooYawk executive that picked up Dinky Carr. Many of the true fans were also ECSTATIC to see DeFumblo shown the door. Wish, for me, granted. LaBrandon Toefield? Even the name sounds like running back greatness. You never know. A big back we really need to complement DeAngelo. And we get HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOver back, too! Also, I’m ECSTATIC to see Colbert and Carter shown the door. And even MORESO to see MOOSE back! A great blocker and nice possession receiver in our system, especially should Jake make a full recovery. Wish Granted. I like the addition of DJ Hackett- he’ll be a great complement to Smitty, should he stay healthy this year. Double Wish Granted. Some nice additions to the Oline, and Hartwig and Whale shown the door. Keepin’ Gross around, I think we’re gonna be in good shape with the line, especially since there’s such value in the draft at this position. I’m also glad they’ve taken a sledgehammer to the defensive line- Jenk and Ruck- GONE. Pep? Could be trade bait, but they deny it. I’m just glad that position will be redefined for the upcoming season. I’m thrilled to see the staff has finally parted ways with their girlfriend Danielle Morgan. Not sure how much impact Colclough is going to have, but hey, it’s a start. At any rate, the defense belongs to Jon BEASTon, as it should be.
And speaking of the draft, we’re in a good position there, too. Could we be lucky enough to draft Rashard Mendenhall, the Illini bruiser-back we’ve been needing? If not, a franchise lineman is waiting for us at the thirteenth pick. Also, with two early third round picks, and THREE seventh round picks, we could really find some value there, as well. Listen to me, sounding like Mel Kiper. Wish I had the hair. Eight picks, Fanz. Eight chances to really add to the team. To select someone that makes a difference on gameday, and possibly in the community, too. That’s why I just don’t think we look that wretched anymore. We cut the rotting flesh off of our roster, now we’ve begun the renewal operation. And I don’t think we’re done yet-
And speaking of wishes, take another look at our home schedule. Who’s on there, besides the damned Duckies, Bucs and Saints? Any of them fill our stadium with obnoxious fans? Yeah, I see that jersey sales of the Bears, Chiefs, Cardy-noles, Lions and Broncoids top the charts in our area. When’s the last time you wanted to run a Detroit Lions fan out of the stadium? I recall having some nice discourse with Bears Fans over multiple beers. We’re FAR too east of the Missisip’ to be a hotbed of Bronco fans. So, gameday for us finds our seats certain to be filled with PANTHER fans, DAMMIT!!! I cannot begin to tell you how sick I am to see our stadium filled with “bandwagon” fans of flagging dynasties. That ESPECIALLY means Cowboy and Squeeler fans who are not from Texas or West Virginia. I would certainly give Redskins fans a pass on regional loyalty, for NOW. We are now in our THIRTEENTH season. It’s time to choose PANTHERS, Carolina NFL fans! We’ve got HISTORY. LOOK at the history, good AND bad-
Mostly good. A second year team makes it to the conference championships! That, after an amazing 7-9 first season at Klimpson! A thrilling couple of 8-8 seasons with Seifert, Beurlein and the Frisbee- catchin’ dogs of Moose, Jeffers and Walls! A fantastically wretched 1-15 season that landed us the rare athletic specimen that’s Julius Peppers, that had his mind taken over by aliens last year. (Since Jack Bauer was waiting for filming to start again, he got the chance to chase them out of his brain at this writing) A SUPER BOWL appearance! ANOTHER trip to the conference championship game! I have the feeling that as long as Uncle Jerry is in charge, he won’t let us stink that bad, so what’s wrong with throwing your passion at the Panthers? Ok, we hit a stinker like last year. How rare is that, really? I’m gonna go out on a limb here-
Ready?
The Cedar Street Seer is going to speak.
The Carolina Panthers will not suck this year. Not like last year.
I guarantee it. And something else I’m gonna guarantee.
Tailgating will once again be awesome this year. Your core staff of PantherFanz will see to that.
The weeks are ticking away. Fan Day is less than four months away.
Till then, enjoy The Major Leagues, minor leagues, golf, fishin’, whatever brings you joy. But remember-
The National Football league is coming back. We’ve hit the mid-point of the offseason, and the season start is now showing up on the horizon. And we’ll be ready for it.
I’ll rant again after the draft.
Gotta Comment?
e-mail me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
Well, by now we’ve all absorbed the schedule, and we’ve all got our dreams of 12-4 dancing in our heads, but if you’re a pessimist like James, you’re facing an 11-5 season. This offseason has got me a little more fired up, because, once again, I’m going to revisit my “Wish List”, just to see how much my wishes came true----
To start, I got a feeling we are going to be seeing FAR more replays on that giant new scoreboard being installed at the Pasture of Disasture. After venting on a LENGHTY online survey offered by the big Cats themselves, I think they finally know what they have to do to make a better gameday experience for us who pay that ridiculous ticket price. Wish granted, maybe. The league is even thinking about getting rid of those nasty dreadlocks and overgrown manes like Polomalo’s - wish granted, maybe.
I really didn’t get any wishes come true in the coaching staff, so let’s REALLY hope the past year has been an aberration. At QB, Jake’s recovery is right on schedule, and he’s even filming a new Bojangles commercial as we speak, so things must be going well. As far as Matt Moore’s concerned, he’s more than earned a chance to compete for a spot here. Remember that Jake Delhomme, Romo the Homo and Tommy Brady were buried in the depth charts at one time, too. And in New York, just imagine if Eli goes down, The Hefty Lefty stinks it up, who do they have? Stinky Dinky, that’s who. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH- I laugh at the NooYawk executive that picked up Dinky Carr. Many of the true fans were also ECSTATIC to see DeFumblo shown the door. Wish, for me, granted. LaBrandon Toefield? Even the name sounds like running back greatness. You never know. A big back we really need to complement DeAngelo. And we get HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOver back, too! Also, I’m ECSTATIC to see Colbert and Carter shown the door. And even MORESO to see MOOSE back! A great blocker and nice possession receiver in our system, especially should Jake make a full recovery. Wish Granted. I like the addition of DJ Hackett- he’ll be a great complement to Smitty, should he stay healthy this year. Double Wish Granted. Some nice additions to the Oline, and Hartwig and Whale shown the door. Keepin’ Gross around, I think we’re gonna be in good shape with the line, especially since there’s such value in the draft at this position. I’m also glad they’ve taken a sledgehammer to the defensive line- Jenk and Ruck- GONE. Pep? Could be trade bait, but they deny it. I’m just glad that position will be redefined for the upcoming season. I’m thrilled to see the staff has finally parted ways with their girlfriend Danielle Morgan. Not sure how much impact Colclough is going to have, but hey, it’s a start. At any rate, the defense belongs to Jon BEASTon, as it should be.
And speaking of the draft, we’re in a good position there, too. Could we be lucky enough to draft Rashard Mendenhall, the Illini bruiser-back we’ve been needing? If not, a franchise lineman is waiting for us at the thirteenth pick. Also, with two early third round picks, and THREE seventh round picks, we could really find some value there, as well. Listen to me, sounding like Mel Kiper. Wish I had the hair. Eight picks, Fanz. Eight chances to really add to the team. To select someone that makes a difference on gameday, and possibly in the community, too. That’s why I just don’t think we look that wretched anymore. We cut the rotting flesh off of our roster, now we’ve begun the renewal operation. And I don’t think we’re done yet-
And speaking of wishes, take another look at our home schedule. Who’s on there, besides the damned Duckies, Bucs and Saints? Any of them fill our stadium with obnoxious fans? Yeah, I see that jersey sales of the Bears, Chiefs, Cardy-noles, Lions and Broncoids top the charts in our area. When’s the last time you wanted to run a Detroit Lions fan out of the stadium? I recall having some nice discourse with Bears Fans over multiple beers. We’re FAR too east of the Missisip’ to be a hotbed of Bronco fans. So, gameday for us finds our seats certain to be filled with PANTHER fans, DAMMIT!!! I cannot begin to tell you how sick I am to see our stadium filled with “bandwagon” fans of flagging dynasties. That ESPECIALLY means Cowboy and Squeeler fans who are not from Texas or West Virginia. I would certainly give Redskins fans a pass on regional loyalty, for NOW. We are now in our THIRTEENTH season. It’s time to choose PANTHERS, Carolina NFL fans! We’ve got HISTORY. LOOK at the history, good AND bad-
Mostly good. A second year team makes it to the conference championships! That, after an amazing 7-9 first season at Klimpson! A thrilling couple of 8-8 seasons with Seifert, Beurlein and the Frisbee- catchin’ dogs of Moose, Jeffers and Walls! A fantastically wretched 1-15 season that landed us the rare athletic specimen that’s Julius Peppers, that had his mind taken over by aliens last year. (Since Jack Bauer was waiting for filming to start again, he got the chance to chase them out of his brain at this writing) A SUPER BOWL appearance! ANOTHER trip to the conference championship game! I have the feeling that as long as Uncle Jerry is in charge, he won’t let us stink that bad, so what’s wrong with throwing your passion at the Panthers? Ok, we hit a stinker like last year. How rare is that, really? I’m gonna go out on a limb here-
Ready?
The Cedar Street Seer is going to speak.
The Carolina Panthers will not suck this year. Not like last year.
I guarantee it. And something else I’m gonna guarantee.
Tailgating will once again be awesome this year. Your core staff of PantherFanz will see to that.
The weeks are ticking away. Fan Day is less than four months away.
Till then, enjoy The Major Leagues, minor leagues, golf, fishin’, whatever brings you joy. But remember-
The National Football league is coming back. We’ve hit the mid-point of the offseason, and the season start is now showing up on the horizon. And we’ll be ready for it.
I’ll rant again after the draft.
Gotta Comment?
e-mail me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
24 December, 2007
Wish List, Pt. 2
December 24th, 2007
Well, the season is almost over, gratefully. And as it is the Christmas season, I’m continuing to wish. One of my wishes came true when we got a serious effort from the team on national TV last Saturday, and the week before, prompting me to actually wear a jersey to the game. Perhaps your wishes are like mine, as the ones I’ll write here are concerned with the Carolina-Richardson Panthurs.
For one, I wish I’d not made that bold prediction about Foxy’s future with us.
Seems like Uncle Jerry read my rant and made that announcement securing Fox-Hurney’s employment in Carolina just to spite me.
*Sigh. *
Know what’s coming, Pantherfanz?
More of the same.
More unimaginative offensive plays.
More horrendous special teams.
More defenses that cannot get off the field on fourth down-
More gameday crowds featuring empty seats and those filled with fans of the opposing teams.
More home-field DISadvantage.
UNLESS-
Foxy and Hurney take this one year grace period and use it as a mandate to BRING PANTHER FOOTBALL BACK!
So, with that statement, What IS Panther Football? Is it that collection of veterans that Polian and Capers put together in ’95-’96? That was fun, but wilted like cut flowers from that Russian dude on the corner of Albemarle and Wilgrove-Mint Hill Road. Is it that hi-powered offense led by Steve Beurelein, his Frisbee-catchin’ dogs and Seifert? I, for one, would LOVE to see some of that come back. Let me tell you what I think Panther football is.
For six years, John Fox has been our head coach. And the winningest coach we have had. You, me, Pea-Dad, Chris the Cooke and even Head Coach Dano cannot ignore or forget the post-season success we have had. A SUPER BOWL! Taking those mighty Pastry-Rots to the FINAL SECONDS! Throttling the once-mighty- GI-Ain’ts and Midgets of the Midway to get to the NFC Championship-
Do you think the Detroit Lions, Atlanta Duckies, and Phoenix Cardi-noles, to name a few want some of that?
Hell, yeah, they do.
But, the NFL stands for, among other things, for Not For Long. The measure of success in this league is WINNING, and POSTSEASON SUCCESS. This is NOT the NCAA, where part of your success is based on the character and academic achievement of the athletes. I love seeing UNC athletes acting like kids you can admire, and graduate. I could care less about what NFL players do, as long as they play by the rules and don’t kill anyone, or dogs. Ahhh, that’s kind of a generalization. Of course, I’d like them ALL to be like Mikes. Minters and Ruckers, that is. So- with a lot of rambling, Panther Football to me is……
John Fox coaching an NFL team that RUNS THE FOOTBALL with a non-fumbling powerback, that hasn’t been seen since Stephen Davis. Bang, Bang, Bang, First down. Bang, Bang, Short Dink Pass, First down. Bang, Dink Pass, Bang, First Down. Bang, Bang, Bang, Field Goal. A quarterback that manages the game. Sure-handed receivers that don’t drop the damn ball. Linemen that don’t make mistakes. A defense that crushes the run, and keeps the pass in front of them, while creating turnovers. Special teams that erases the opponent’s return, while establishing good field position when receiving. When these elements are working, then, it becomes Bang, Bang, BIG PLAY, TOUCHDOWN!
This, my friends, is Panther Football, the way it’s been played for two and a half- paltry years here. And it was only played when John Fox was the coach. But, it must come back- So--- We get Foxy-Hurney back next year. What has to happen? Not status quo, because THAT is unacceptable. So given these parameters, I’m going to revisit my wish list.
COACHING/ORGANIZATION
Seeing that we are getting the principals back, I wish for the rest of the staff to be jettisoned, STARTING WITH TURKEY-VAC! AND the UN-special teams coach. I might give Davidson a pass, since he was obviously hamstrung at the QB position, but only a ONE YEAR PASS- And an overhaul of the scouting department. Our past crop of free agents, save Chris Harris has been unacceptable. Our draft picks have simply not been as successful at the lower levels as they have been. Anyone wanna guess what round Tom Brady was picked at? Romo The Homo? ‘Nuff said.
QUARTERBACK
I maintain, I wish for Jake Delhomme to make a complete recovery from his Tommy John Surgery. I am certain him on this current team would have been good for at least two more wins, which means we are tied with Tampa Bay going into the last game. I DID wish for Matt Moore to go, but I believe he’s played into the right to earn a spot on this team. I wish for us to draft a Romo/Homo or Brady to understudy Jake for a year or two, and then explode, and Jake buy a Bojangle’s Franchise and kick Mick Mixon and Eugene Robinson outtta the booth, but, oh, that’s another wish- I think our wish for Dinky Carr to get outta town will be granted, with 100% certainty.
RUNNING BACK
I wish that DeFumblo Foster never wear a Panther uniform again. I wish that we would draft a POWERBACK that would be that battering ram that is John Fox football. DeAngelo Williams is JUST NOT THAT BACK. He’s a scat-back, like Warrick Dunn, or Marsha-Marsha-Marshall Faulk. In that role, he would be all-Pro. I wish Nick-Comings-And-Goings could squeeze one more year outta him and be a reliable backup and special teams player. I wish also for us to get one more year outta Brad Hoooooooooooover and draft a punishing fullback that can catch the ball.
WIDE RECIEVER/TIGHT ENDS
Again, I wish for Steve Smith to be a Panther forever. I wish for us to snag a mercurial wide receiver of the Ricky Proehl/Patrick Jeffers type in free agency, and draft a speedy sure handed Frisbee catchin’ dog. The rest-
Just go away. And Pleeeeeeease-
No more USC and that’s LEFT COAST- receivers.
OFFENSIVE LINE
A couple of nice draft picks and a decent position coach will help this group. That’s what I wish for.
DEFENSIVE LINE
I wish for this line to be blown up. There has been NO pass rush generated from this group all year. I wish for us to trade Julius Peppers, to an AFC team of course, for as many draft picks as we could get for him. I wish for the new defensive coordinator to stabilize this unit and get the pass rush from the
LINEBACKERS
Who have a nice start at the middle with Jon BEASTon who I wish to be a Panther forever. I wish for a Kevin Greene like character to come in and generate some real excitement when we are on defense. And behind these guys,
DEFENSIVE BACKFIELD
I wish for Richard Marshall to get a starting spot. I wish for a true shut-down corner to be drafted and some hard-hitting safeties to come in.
And while I’m wishing, I’m wishing for Bill Rosinski to come back. I’m wishing that on gameday, our stadium is void of obnoxious fans of the visiting team. ESPECIALLY Cow-puppy, and Squealer fans. I wish that teams coming to play at the BOFA come into a raucous, passionate, and LOUD environment that creates anxiety and discomfort.
And I simply MUST, MUST, MUST wish for this-
The PantherFanz party to go on like it has this year. If tailgate parties determined playoff positioning, there would be no question that we would be 15-0 going into the game with Tampa Bay. EVERY SINGLE ONE of us has carried the tentpoles of this party high and strong, and our final party this year was beyond all expectations. A super buzz was caught by all, and I was proud to bring my darling daughter “Miss December PantherFanz” into adulthood in our lot. Jessie, her little sister, will be sure to follow, as for sure your children will. Next Gen PantherFanz, who will not sell out to the latest winner- Who will fill the seat year after year, and teach THEIR children to love the Carolina Panthers, and so on, and so on. Our pain, their pride. The bricks we lay now that will be the HOUSE our team PROTECTS. This is my wish, my dearest wish, as it comes for the Panthers, and for us. And I wish, most of all, that Marc can see the tailgate group and the team grow stronger and stronger as the years march on. It’s not lost on me that I’m writing as the anniversary of his passing has come and gone last week. And with that, my friends, my FanZ- I wish you a Merry, Merry, Christmas, may anyone but Dallas or New EnglandLand go to the StuporBowl, and I promise one final rant before this dismal season fades into history…….
Gotta Comment?
Email me, The Cedar Street Seer
Well, the season is almost over, gratefully. And as it is the Christmas season, I’m continuing to wish. One of my wishes came true when we got a serious effort from the team on national TV last Saturday, and the week before, prompting me to actually wear a jersey to the game. Perhaps your wishes are like mine, as the ones I’ll write here are concerned with the Carolina-Richardson Panthurs.
For one, I wish I’d not made that bold prediction about Foxy’s future with us.
Seems like Uncle Jerry read my rant and made that announcement securing Fox-Hurney’s employment in Carolina just to spite me.
*Sigh. *
Know what’s coming, Pantherfanz?
More of the same.
More unimaginative offensive plays.
More horrendous special teams.
More defenses that cannot get off the field on fourth down-
More gameday crowds featuring empty seats and those filled with fans of the opposing teams.
More home-field DISadvantage.
UNLESS-
Foxy and Hurney take this one year grace period and use it as a mandate to BRING PANTHER FOOTBALL BACK!
So, with that statement, What IS Panther Football? Is it that collection of veterans that Polian and Capers put together in ’95-’96? That was fun, but wilted like cut flowers from that Russian dude on the corner of Albemarle and Wilgrove-Mint Hill Road. Is it that hi-powered offense led by Steve Beurelein, his Frisbee-catchin’ dogs and Seifert? I, for one, would LOVE to see some of that come back. Let me tell you what I think Panther football is.
For six years, John Fox has been our head coach. And the winningest coach we have had. You, me, Pea-Dad, Chris the Cooke and even Head Coach Dano cannot ignore or forget the post-season success we have had. A SUPER BOWL! Taking those mighty Pastry-Rots to the FINAL SECONDS! Throttling the once-mighty- GI-Ain’ts and Midgets of the Midway to get to the NFC Championship-
Do you think the Detroit Lions, Atlanta Duckies, and Phoenix Cardi-noles, to name a few want some of that?
Hell, yeah, they do.
But, the NFL stands for, among other things, for Not For Long. The measure of success in this league is WINNING, and POSTSEASON SUCCESS. This is NOT the NCAA, where part of your success is based on the character and academic achievement of the athletes. I love seeing UNC athletes acting like kids you can admire, and graduate. I could care less about what NFL players do, as long as they play by the rules and don’t kill anyone, or dogs. Ahhh, that’s kind of a generalization. Of course, I’d like them ALL to be like Mikes. Minters and Ruckers, that is. So- with a lot of rambling, Panther Football to me is……
John Fox coaching an NFL team that RUNS THE FOOTBALL with a non-fumbling powerback, that hasn’t been seen since Stephen Davis. Bang, Bang, Bang, First down. Bang, Bang, Short Dink Pass, First down. Bang, Dink Pass, Bang, First Down. Bang, Bang, Bang, Field Goal. A quarterback that manages the game. Sure-handed receivers that don’t drop the damn ball. Linemen that don’t make mistakes. A defense that crushes the run, and keeps the pass in front of them, while creating turnovers. Special teams that erases the opponent’s return, while establishing good field position when receiving. When these elements are working, then, it becomes Bang, Bang, BIG PLAY, TOUCHDOWN!
This, my friends, is Panther Football, the way it’s been played for two and a half- paltry years here. And it was only played when John Fox was the coach. But, it must come back- So--- We get Foxy-Hurney back next year. What has to happen? Not status quo, because THAT is unacceptable. So given these parameters, I’m going to revisit my wish list.
COACHING/ORGANIZATION
Seeing that we are getting the principals back, I wish for the rest of the staff to be jettisoned, STARTING WITH TURKEY-VAC! AND the UN-special teams coach. I might give Davidson a pass, since he was obviously hamstrung at the QB position, but only a ONE YEAR PASS- And an overhaul of the scouting department. Our past crop of free agents, save Chris Harris has been unacceptable. Our draft picks have simply not been as successful at the lower levels as they have been. Anyone wanna guess what round Tom Brady was picked at? Romo The Homo? ‘Nuff said.
QUARTERBACK
I maintain, I wish for Jake Delhomme to make a complete recovery from his Tommy John Surgery. I am certain him on this current team would have been good for at least two more wins, which means we are tied with Tampa Bay going into the last game. I DID wish for Matt Moore to go, but I believe he’s played into the right to earn a spot on this team. I wish for us to draft a Romo/Homo or Brady to understudy Jake for a year or two, and then explode, and Jake buy a Bojangle’s Franchise and kick Mick Mixon and Eugene Robinson outtta the booth, but, oh, that’s another wish- I think our wish for Dinky Carr to get outta town will be granted, with 100% certainty.
RUNNING BACK
I wish that DeFumblo Foster never wear a Panther uniform again. I wish that we would draft a POWERBACK that would be that battering ram that is John Fox football. DeAngelo Williams is JUST NOT THAT BACK. He’s a scat-back, like Warrick Dunn, or Marsha-Marsha-Marshall Faulk. In that role, he would be all-Pro. I wish Nick-Comings-And-Goings could squeeze one more year outta him and be a reliable backup and special teams player. I wish also for us to get one more year outta Brad Hoooooooooooover and draft a punishing fullback that can catch the ball.
WIDE RECIEVER/TIGHT ENDS
Again, I wish for Steve Smith to be a Panther forever. I wish for us to snag a mercurial wide receiver of the Ricky Proehl/Patrick Jeffers type in free agency, and draft a speedy sure handed Frisbee catchin’ dog. The rest-
Just go away. And Pleeeeeeease-
No more USC and that’s LEFT COAST- receivers.
OFFENSIVE LINE
A couple of nice draft picks and a decent position coach will help this group. That’s what I wish for.
DEFENSIVE LINE
I wish for this line to be blown up. There has been NO pass rush generated from this group all year. I wish for us to trade Julius Peppers, to an AFC team of course, for as many draft picks as we could get for him. I wish for the new defensive coordinator to stabilize this unit and get the pass rush from the
LINEBACKERS
Who have a nice start at the middle with Jon BEASTon who I wish to be a Panther forever. I wish for a Kevin Greene like character to come in and generate some real excitement when we are on defense. And behind these guys,
DEFENSIVE BACKFIELD
I wish for Richard Marshall to get a starting spot. I wish for a true shut-down corner to be drafted and some hard-hitting safeties to come in.
And while I’m wishing, I’m wishing for Bill Rosinski to come back. I’m wishing that on gameday, our stadium is void of obnoxious fans of the visiting team. ESPECIALLY Cow-puppy, and Squealer fans. I wish that teams coming to play at the BOFA come into a raucous, passionate, and LOUD environment that creates anxiety and discomfort.
And I simply MUST, MUST, MUST wish for this-
The PantherFanz party to go on like it has this year. If tailgate parties determined playoff positioning, there would be no question that we would be 15-0 going into the game with Tampa Bay. EVERY SINGLE ONE of us has carried the tentpoles of this party high and strong, and our final party this year was beyond all expectations. A super buzz was caught by all, and I was proud to bring my darling daughter “Miss December PantherFanz” into adulthood in our lot. Jessie, her little sister, will be sure to follow, as for sure your children will. Next Gen PantherFanz, who will not sell out to the latest winner- Who will fill the seat year after year, and teach THEIR children to love the Carolina Panthers, and so on, and so on. Our pain, their pride. The bricks we lay now that will be the HOUSE our team PROTECTS. This is my wish, my dearest wish, as it comes for the Panthers, and for us. And I wish, most of all, that Marc can see the tailgate group and the team grow stronger and stronger as the years march on. It’s not lost on me that I’m writing as the anniversary of his passing has come and gone last week. And with that, my friends, my FanZ- I wish you a Merry, Merry, Christmas, may anyone but Dallas or New EnglandLand go to the StuporBowl, and I promise one final rant before this dismal season fades into history…….
Gotta Comment?
Email me, The Cedar Street Seer
11 December, 2007
Wish List
December 10th, 2007
Well, Fanz- it’s been two weeks since my last rant, and I’m ready to source whatever holiday spirit there is to wish for things tangible and intangible.
Of course, we’d all like peace on earth, and good will towards ALL men, and that would include anyone in a Falcons uniform or a Du---
Duuuuu----
Oh Lord, forgive me.
I just can’t do it for Dook.
But, just like my Giving Thanks rant, this IS a Panther Football site, and all of my wishes here are my wishes for the Richardson Panthurs.
Panthur Football.
Seems like an oxymoron.
For most of this year, either watching on TV or sitting in BOFA, this season’s team has been the very worst brand of football I’ve seen as a fan. The first season in Klimpsun was far better. Even with that Gawd-Awful traffic before and afterwards. The 1-15 season was AT LEAST watchable.
This year has been garbage. Pure garbage.
So now, I’m wishing. But before I do, The Cedar Street Seer is making a bold prediction. After yesterday, and hearing some post-game commentary, I’m ready to say it.
John Fox will NOT be head coach of these Richardson Panthurs next season.
Too much that has gone wrong for this team in performance is coaching related. And Jerry R. won’t put up with what he’s seeing in the house the PSL built for another year. He just won’t. My list is long- So with that, I start with-
ORGANIZATION/COACHING
Ok, so if I wish the coaching staff away, Jerry had BETTER have a good alternative in the wings- Marty Schottenheimer has a house in Lake Norman- Marty got a terrible deal in Sad Diego, and a WORSE one in DC. I think Marty is a good fit here. There’s rumors that Power Cowher has a handshake deal to come in. Cowher would at least energize the players and fans. And the coach and HIS staff, not A SOUL left over from the debris of Fox, will have to blow this team up, position by position. And who will make the personnel decisions to replace the blown up players? Not the Marty we have on staff NOW- Hurney, the scouting staff, GONE. Their track record has been ABYSMAL. We need a real football man, a shrewd “capologist” who can bring in terrific talent, year after year, like the Pissburg Squealers did for so many years. Right now the Panthurs are in the worst cap position in the league. Our new GM is going to really have to make some chicken salad out of the sh** that remains. So I continue to wish for-
QUARTERBACKS
I wish that we’d trade Julius Peppers straight up for Peyton Manning. Can you imagine the Bojangles commercials we’d have THEN!!??? But since that borders on science fiction, I wish for Jake Delhomme to have a complete and successful recovery from his Tommy John surgery. As I’ve said before, Jake is a natural leader, a gunslinger in the mold of Brett Favre. We need to keep Jake if he’s healthy. All of our present QB’s, INCLUDING Matt Moore, are to be jettisoned. Vinny Testicle, retire. David Carr-
Just go away.
And let’s draft a good QB in this year’s draft. We’re going to be in great draft position- there’s a good crop of ‘em out there. And who does our wished-for QB throw to?
WIDE RECIEVERS/TIGHT ENDS
I wish for Steve Smith to be a Panther forever. And for Keary Colbert, Drew Carter, and Dewayne Jarrett to cease being Panthers effective December 31st. I wish we had Frisbee-catchin’ dogs like we had back in ’99. I wish Jeff King or Dante Rosario would turn into Wesley Walls. If not, seeya. We need sticky-handed guys who will not only catch the damn ball, but to run proper routes, keep their heads in the game, and BLOCK! Block for who? Who I wish for in-
RUNNING BACKS
I wish also for DeFumblo Foster to cease being a Panther effective Dec. 31st. I wish to give DeAngelo Williams a chance to be a feature back. In the meantime, I wish for our remaining stable of backs to be cleared out, except Brad Hoooooooooooover and Nick Comings and Goings can stay and play ………….
UUUUUUUUUUUUUGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
SPECIAL TEAMS
I wish we didn’t have the very worst special teams in the NFL. But we do. We need a half-dozen kamikaze players who launch themselves down the field like human Exocet missiles. And if they don’t the new special teams coach that I’m wishing for needs to get them in the mindset to do that. Thank you, John Kasay, for all of your years of excellence, in performance, AND character. I wish for you to retire before you embarrass yourself one of these days. Don’t worry, you’ll get your statue and name in our Ring of Honour. We can keep Jason Baker. And as I continue to wish, I won’t forget…
OFFENSIVE LINE
I wish for you guys a new coach that will coach all of those stupid false starts out of you. You all are a pretty good bunch. Unless you’re Dinky Carr, the QB just isn’t sacked very much. I’ll say that this part of our team is actually mediocre, and not garbage, like most of the team. I’ve got a good friend in church that used to be a lineman at NC State, and he told me OL’s hold on EVERY play. They just have to be sneaky about it. So I’ll forgive the occasional holding call, just QUIT JUMPING BEFORE THE DAMN SNAP!!!
Now for a really BIG WISH-
DEFENSIVE LINE
After special teams, there is no part of this team that needs to be blown up more than this one. Jenk, Ruck, Pep, Kemo- NONE of you is a sacred cow. I wish for ALL OF YOU to cease being Panthers after this year. I wish to trade Julius Peppers for all of the draft picks we could get out of him, unless the new coaches I’m wishing for think they can coach him back into the monster we remember. I’d let Stanley McClover try to earn a roster spot. And now, I wish behind this line for
LINEBACKERS
I wish for Danielle Morgan to retire. Now. Don’t even entertain the notion of coming back for this team, ever. I wish for Jon BEASTon to be a Panther forever. I wish for a really dominating LB in the draft to complement him and TD on the outside. I wish for a crazed lunatic like Kevin Greene in this unit. I wish that we could have the kind of fun we used to have when he was at his peak. And down the field, I wish for
CORNERS AND SAFTIES
I wish Richard Marshall would start, and Christine Gamble would play nickel. I wish Ken Lucas well, and a nice end of is career somewhere else. I wish we would draft a real shut-down ball-hawking corner, or a heat-seeking missile of a safety, like Mike After-Dinner Minter used to be. I wish Mike was young again and back, but like seeing Peyton Manning in black’n-blue, that’s science fiction.
And while I’m wishing, I wish those nasty dreadlocks would go out of fashion. I’m surprised that if the league bans fun and celebrations, they wouldn’t ban these tacky forms of self-expression. But that’s just me. I wish the Panthurs would spend more time showing replays on the screen and not those stupid advertisements. I wish they’d let us take our shirts off. I wish they’d let people bring in posters critical of the team. I wish beer wasn’t so expensive in the stadium. And I wish they’d stop playing the Imperial March at the start of every defensive series. They’re just not that intimidating. I wish that one day, that the Panthers start scaring the league again, like the Pastry-rots do now. I wish that we would make a speedy return to playoff football, at least COMPETETIVE football, and most of all,
I wish all of you a Merry Christmas with your families, your friends and loved ones, and a very happy New Year.
And as I type out of sight, Good Tailgating to all, and to all-
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh, you know………
Comments?
Email me, The Cedar Street Seer
captntee@aol.com
Well, Fanz- it’s been two weeks since my last rant, and I’m ready to source whatever holiday spirit there is to wish for things tangible and intangible.
Of course, we’d all like peace on earth, and good will towards ALL men, and that would include anyone in a Falcons uniform or a Du---
Duuuuu----
Oh Lord, forgive me.
I just can’t do it for Dook.
But, just like my Giving Thanks rant, this IS a Panther Football site, and all of my wishes here are my wishes for the Richardson Panthurs.
Panthur Football.
Seems like an oxymoron.
For most of this year, either watching on TV or sitting in BOFA, this season’s team has been the very worst brand of football I’ve seen as a fan. The first season in Klimpsun was far better. Even with that Gawd-Awful traffic before and afterwards. The 1-15 season was AT LEAST watchable.
This year has been garbage. Pure garbage.
So now, I’m wishing. But before I do, The Cedar Street Seer is making a bold prediction. After yesterday, and hearing some post-game commentary, I’m ready to say it.
John Fox will NOT be head coach of these Richardson Panthurs next season.
Too much that has gone wrong for this team in performance is coaching related. And Jerry R. won’t put up with what he’s seeing in the house the PSL built for another year. He just won’t. My list is long- So with that, I start with-
ORGANIZATION/COACHING
Ok, so if I wish the coaching staff away, Jerry had BETTER have a good alternative in the wings- Marty Schottenheimer has a house in Lake Norman- Marty got a terrible deal in Sad Diego, and a WORSE one in DC. I think Marty is a good fit here. There’s rumors that Power Cowher has a handshake deal to come in. Cowher would at least energize the players and fans. And the coach and HIS staff, not A SOUL left over from the debris of Fox, will have to blow this team up, position by position. And who will make the personnel decisions to replace the blown up players? Not the Marty we have on staff NOW- Hurney, the scouting staff, GONE. Their track record has been ABYSMAL. We need a real football man, a shrewd “capologist” who can bring in terrific talent, year after year, like the Pissburg Squealers did for so many years. Right now the Panthurs are in the worst cap position in the league. Our new GM is going to really have to make some chicken salad out of the sh** that remains. So I continue to wish for-
QUARTERBACKS
I wish that we’d trade Julius Peppers straight up for Peyton Manning. Can you imagine the Bojangles commercials we’d have THEN!!??? But since that borders on science fiction, I wish for Jake Delhomme to have a complete and successful recovery from his Tommy John surgery. As I’ve said before, Jake is a natural leader, a gunslinger in the mold of Brett Favre. We need to keep Jake if he’s healthy. All of our present QB’s, INCLUDING Matt Moore, are to be jettisoned. Vinny Testicle, retire. David Carr-
Just go away.
And let’s draft a good QB in this year’s draft. We’re going to be in great draft position- there’s a good crop of ‘em out there. And who does our wished-for QB throw to?
WIDE RECIEVERS/TIGHT ENDS
I wish for Steve Smith to be a Panther forever. And for Keary Colbert, Drew Carter, and Dewayne Jarrett to cease being Panthers effective December 31st. I wish we had Frisbee-catchin’ dogs like we had back in ’99. I wish Jeff King or Dante Rosario would turn into Wesley Walls. If not, seeya. We need sticky-handed guys who will not only catch the damn ball, but to run proper routes, keep their heads in the game, and BLOCK! Block for who? Who I wish for in-
RUNNING BACKS
I wish also for DeFumblo Foster to cease being a Panther effective Dec. 31st. I wish to give DeAngelo Williams a chance to be a feature back. In the meantime, I wish for our remaining stable of backs to be cleared out, except Brad Hoooooooooooover and Nick Comings and Goings can stay and play ………….
UUUUUUUUUUUUUGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
SPECIAL TEAMS
I wish we didn’t have the very worst special teams in the NFL. But we do. We need a half-dozen kamikaze players who launch themselves down the field like human Exocet missiles. And if they don’t the new special teams coach that I’m wishing for needs to get them in the mindset to do that. Thank you, John Kasay, for all of your years of excellence, in performance, AND character. I wish for you to retire before you embarrass yourself one of these days. Don’t worry, you’ll get your statue and name in our Ring of Honour. We can keep Jason Baker. And as I continue to wish, I won’t forget…
OFFENSIVE LINE
I wish for you guys a new coach that will coach all of those stupid false starts out of you. You all are a pretty good bunch. Unless you’re Dinky Carr, the QB just isn’t sacked very much. I’ll say that this part of our team is actually mediocre, and not garbage, like most of the team. I’ve got a good friend in church that used to be a lineman at NC State, and he told me OL’s hold on EVERY play. They just have to be sneaky about it. So I’ll forgive the occasional holding call, just QUIT JUMPING BEFORE THE DAMN SNAP!!!
Now for a really BIG WISH-
DEFENSIVE LINE
After special teams, there is no part of this team that needs to be blown up more than this one. Jenk, Ruck, Pep, Kemo- NONE of you is a sacred cow. I wish for ALL OF YOU to cease being Panthers after this year. I wish to trade Julius Peppers for all of the draft picks we could get out of him, unless the new coaches I’m wishing for think they can coach him back into the monster we remember. I’d let Stanley McClover try to earn a roster spot. And now, I wish behind this line for
LINEBACKERS
I wish for Danielle Morgan to retire. Now. Don’t even entertain the notion of coming back for this team, ever. I wish for Jon BEASTon to be a Panther forever. I wish for a really dominating LB in the draft to complement him and TD on the outside. I wish for a crazed lunatic like Kevin Greene in this unit. I wish that we could have the kind of fun we used to have when he was at his peak. And down the field, I wish for
CORNERS AND SAFTIES
I wish Richard Marshall would start, and Christine Gamble would play nickel. I wish Ken Lucas well, and a nice end of is career somewhere else. I wish we would draft a real shut-down ball-hawking corner, or a heat-seeking missile of a safety, like Mike After-Dinner Minter used to be. I wish Mike was young again and back, but like seeing Peyton Manning in black’n-blue, that’s science fiction.
And while I’m wishing, I wish those nasty dreadlocks would go out of fashion. I’m surprised that if the league bans fun and celebrations, they wouldn’t ban these tacky forms of self-expression. But that’s just me. I wish the Panthurs would spend more time showing replays on the screen and not those stupid advertisements. I wish they’d let us take our shirts off. I wish they’d let people bring in posters critical of the team. I wish beer wasn’t so expensive in the stadium. And I wish they’d stop playing the Imperial March at the start of every defensive series. They’re just not that intimidating. I wish that one day, that the Panthers start scaring the league again, like the Pastry-rots do now. I wish that we would make a speedy return to playoff football, at least COMPETETIVE football, and most of all,
I wish all of you a Merry Christmas with your families, your friends and loved ones, and a very happy New Year.
And as I type out of sight, Good Tailgating to all, and to all-
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh, you know………
Comments?
Email me, The Cedar Street Seer
captntee@aol.com
25 November, 2007
Giving Thanks
November 25th, 2007
It’s been a few weeks since I’ve been able to rant- I’ve actually had to really bust my ass at work, and now, on the close of Thanksgiving Weekend, I feel it important to focus on that very state of thankfulness, the things that are REALLY important. Hey, like having to BUST MY ASS! Job security, friends, very underrated.
And as I digest the latest abortion I’ve had to endure for the FIFTH Time at the Pasture of Disasture, I have this to say to Jerry Richardson and His Carolina Panthurs-
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!!
Thank you for allowing me to continue to purchase your overpriced tickets every year!
Thank you for providing me with a totally wasted three hours ten times a year, while you merrily count your earnings from woolen schmos like me that you fleece every April, and if there’s a whiff of a chance we could be playing in January, you get to fleece me in December, too, guaranteeing you a Merry Christmas! Thank you for that, Jerry Richardson!
Thank you for the promotion of Marty Hurney to GM, so that he can continue to poorly evaluate the talent pool so to make for an unwatchable contest whenever The PuddyCats take the field!
Thank you for sterilizing the gametime experience so that I can be bored and cheerless in my overpriced seat!
And lastly, thank you for not being accountable to the public and your fans, and hiding from the media when things don’t go well, so that you remain an enigma to the rest of us.
There.
That’s the five thank yous- the same five thank yous you pledged to deliver when you were awarded this franchise from the EHHHHHN EFFFFFFFFF EHHHHLLLLLLL.
Is that not thankful enough? Ok, I’ll dispense with the sarcasm. I’m upset as a fan. Football isn’t life, but goodness gracious, when you make a significant investment of time and money in support of a professional sports team; you want to see a return of your investment- this team has plummeted in value across the board, in on field performance, in gameday experience, hell, even Mick Mixon gets on my damn nerves now. What’s left?
I’m exceedingly grateful for PantherFanz. I’m grateful for Dano and Brain and Patrick and Russ and James and PeaDad and Julie and Chris, and all the other FANZ that show up and help make a party every gameday. Without this group, gameday would truly be unbearable. I’m grateful for that Canadian contingent that makes a yearly pilgrimage here and gives us a reason to really throw an incredible party. I’m grateful that some of us have picked up the load Marc was forced to lay down and keep the party going, better than ever. I’m thankful that a dedicated group of guys restored the Joker Smoker so that the tailgate party has the “altar of meat” every gameday. I’m grateful for Clay and every time he cranks up his pit!
Of course, there’s the other things in life that I can list here, but that’s everything all of you should be thankful for, and this happens to be a FOOTBALL site. You can come to my Sunday School class to hear me recite all of the basic things I appreciate in life. There is NOTHING about the Carolina Panthers of the EHHN EFFF EHHHHLL that I’m happy or grateful about. Ok, Jon Beason and Richard Marshall are playing lights out on defense. Steve Smith puts forth an effort. Last time I looked, it takes forty-four guys to make a football team. And I’ve determined that this football team is WRETCHED. There isn’t a phase of our game that’s even AVERAGE. At 4-7, with three home games left, with no help at quarterback, there is no Nick Goings or Steve Beurlein on this team to pull us up. I don’t see us winning another game. The cavalry has gone off to rescue the Cleveland Browns, The Denver Broncoids, and even give the Chicago Bears a little hope. Us? Abandon all hope, friends.
And what is the immediate result of this? You could speculate till next week and still come up with scenario after scenario as the talking heads on WFNZ earn their paycheck as they pick this maggot-infested TURKEY carcass of a football team (still going with the THANKSGIVING theme) as for me, the joy of gametime is gone. You know, even when we were 1-15, most of the time, we were in EVERY GAME we played, and we just found a way to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory, so it seems. This season? We’re not even competitive. Early in the season, I vowed not to cheer until the team started to show some effort. I’m going beyond that. For the remainder of the season, I’m putting to action what Marc envisioned during the tough times. You will not see me wear anything that promotes team spirit, because I have none. Oh, I’ll wear the tailgating shirt, because WE control if that sucks or not, and we’re just NOT going to let that happen! I’ll get good and buzzed at the tailgate party, and sit in my seat at gametime and hold my tongue, hold my voice, sit on my hands, until this underachieving and very forgettable season is put in the history books. From here on out, The Carolina Panthurs MUST EARN my cheer and my spirit. I know critics would violently berate me for feeling this way- “Sell your ticket, then!” they would say- “The team doesn’t want fans like YOU at the game!” And to that I say-
Again-
I made a considerable financial investment in the seats, like the rest of you did. If the product is terrible, I don’t have the option of simply “turning the TV off” or “changing the station”. I’m committed to the seats, and the team, good or bad, win or lose. I don’t have to be happy about the crappy place we’re at, and I’m entitled to vent about it. Without my check, and your checks, there IS no Carolina Panthurs. As far as the team goes, this season is LOST. LOST. There is no hope of winning anymore games, let alone any thoughts of postseason. As far as the future, let the media wags speculate on what this team needs, and who gets fired. Today I don’t care. I’ve become ambivalent about The Carolina Panthurs of the EHHN EFFF EHHHL. I’ll save that for another rant.
Today, I am clawless, joyless, cheerless, and voiceless about the team. But I’m thrilled about Pantherfanz. Let’s close out the season with three of the greatest of parties, and have a proper wake for the season come December 22nd. It’s something Marc would have us do.
Comment?
Email me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
It’s been a few weeks since I’ve been able to rant- I’ve actually had to really bust my ass at work, and now, on the close of Thanksgiving Weekend, I feel it important to focus on that very state of thankfulness, the things that are REALLY important. Hey, like having to BUST MY ASS! Job security, friends, very underrated.
And as I digest the latest abortion I’ve had to endure for the FIFTH Time at the Pasture of Disasture, I have this to say to Jerry Richardson and His Carolina Panthurs-
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!!
Thank you for allowing me to continue to purchase your overpriced tickets every year!
Thank you for providing me with a totally wasted three hours ten times a year, while you merrily count your earnings from woolen schmos like me that you fleece every April, and if there’s a whiff of a chance we could be playing in January, you get to fleece me in December, too, guaranteeing you a Merry Christmas! Thank you for that, Jerry Richardson!
Thank you for the promotion of Marty Hurney to GM, so that he can continue to poorly evaluate the talent pool so to make for an unwatchable contest whenever The PuddyCats take the field!
Thank you for sterilizing the gametime experience so that I can be bored and cheerless in my overpriced seat!
And lastly, thank you for not being accountable to the public and your fans, and hiding from the media when things don’t go well, so that you remain an enigma to the rest of us.
There.
That’s the five thank yous- the same five thank yous you pledged to deliver when you were awarded this franchise from the EHHHHHN EFFFFFFFFF EHHHHLLLLLLL.
Is that not thankful enough? Ok, I’ll dispense with the sarcasm. I’m upset as a fan. Football isn’t life, but goodness gracious, when you make a significant investment of time and money in support of a professional sports team; you want to see a return of your investment- this team has plummeted in value across the board, in on field performance, in gameday experience, hell, even Mick Mixon gets on my damn nerves now. What’s left?
I’m exceedingly grateful for PantherFanz. I’m grateful for Dano and Brain and Patrick and Russ and James and PeaDad and Julie and Chris, and all the other FANZ that show up and help make a party every gameday. Without this group, gameday would truly be unbearable. I’m grateful for that Canadian contingent that makes a yearly pilgrimage here and gives us a reason to really throw an incredible party. I’m grateful that some of us have picked up the load Marc was forced to lay down and keep the party going, better than ever. I’m thankful that a dedicated group of guys restored the Joker Smoker so that the tailgate party has the “altar of meat” every gameday. I’m grateful for Clay and every time he cranks up his pit!
Of course, there’s the other things in life that I can list here, but that’s everything all of you should be thankful for, and this happens to be a FOOTBALL site. You can come to my Sunday School class to hear me recite all of the basic things I appreciate in life. There is NOTHING about the Carolina Panthers of the EHHN EFFF EHHHHLL that I’m happy or grateful about. Ok, Jon Beason and Richard Marshall are playing lights out on defense. Steve Smith puts forth an effort. Last time I looked, it takes forty-four guys to make a football team. And I’ve determined that this football team is WRETCHED. There isn’t a phase of our game that’s even AVERAGE. At 4-7, with three home games left, with no help at quarterback, there is no Nick Goings or Steve Beurlein on this team to pull us up. I don’t see us winning another game. The cavalry has gone off to rescue the Cleveland Browns, The Denver Broncoids, and even give the Chicago Bears a little hope. Us? Abandon all hope, friends.
And what is the immediate result of this? You could speculate till next week and still come up with scenario after scenario as the talking heads on WFNZ earn their paycheck as they pick this maggot-infested TURKEY carcass of a football team (still going with the THANKSGIVING theme) as for me, the joy of gametime is gone. You know, even when we were 1-15, most of the time, we were in EVERY GAME we played, and we just found a way to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory, so it seems. This season? We’re not even competitive. Early in the season, I vowed not to cheer until the team started to show some effort. I’m going beyond that. For the remainder of the season, I’m putting to action what Marc envisioned during the tough times. You will not see me wear anything that promotes team spirit, because I have none. Oh, I’ll wear the tailgating shirt, because WE control if that sucks or not, and we’re just NOT going to let that happen! I’ll get good and buzzed at the tailgate party, and sit in my seat at gametime and hold my tongue, hold my voice, sit on my hands, until this underachieving and very forgettable season is put in the history books. From here on out, The Carolina Panthurs MUST EARN my cheer and my spirit. I know critics would violently berate me for feeling this way- “Sell your ticket, then!” they would say- “The team doesn’t want fans like YOU at the game!” And to that I say-
Again-
I made a considerable financial investment in the seats, like the rest of you did. If the product is terrible, I don’t have the option of simply “turning the TV off” or “changing the station”. I’m committed to the seats, and the team, good or bad, win or lose. I don’t have to be happy about the crappy place we’re at, and I’m entitled to vent about it. Without my check, and your checks, there IS no Carolina Panthurs. As far as the team goes, this season is LOST. LOST. There is no hope of winning anymore games, let alone any thoughts of postseason. As far as the future, let the media wags speculate on what this team needs, and who gets fired. Today I don’t care. I’ve become ambivalent about The Carolina Panthurs of the EHHN EFFF EHHHL. I’ll save that for another rant.
Today, I am clawless, joyless, cheerless, and voiceless about the team. But I’m thrilled about Pantherfanz. Let’s close out the season with three of the greatest of parties, and have a proper wake for the season come December 22nd. It’s something Marc would have us do.
Comment?
Email me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
28 October, 2007
This Carr Won’t Start
October 28, 2007
Well, Fanz, the debris of Week 8 in the NFL is settling around me, and I’m awaiting the first pitch of what I hope is the final game in the World Series. I just want the Red Sux to put the Blockies out of their misery, because they really don’t have any hope to speak of. Yes, it’s baseball, but seriously, fanz…
Unlike the team we are all pathologically loyal to. There IS hope-
Yes, Virginia, there are a few wins in our future. And THIS YEAR.
Like you, I’m sitting at home, mentally digesting what we saw in the BOFA, and physically digesting the awesome tailgate grub served up by Clay (Lord of the Pit!!) and the supporting PantherFanZ. And to top it off, we enjoyed the company of our brothers from the Great White North. The Canadians really make the tailgate an event to look forward to every year. Too bad we can’t do it more than that.
And for the first time in, well, a year, we had a half of football AT HOME that gave us reason to cheer. Sitting in my beloved spot, my wife and I were amazed at the ELEVEN MINUTE drive to open the game! If we were going to beat the Mighty Colts, THIS was the way to do it! Vinnie TESTOSTERONE led a PERFECT drive that culminated in a touchdown, and the defense absolutely GOT AFTER Peyton and his horseshoe adorned comrades and if I’m not mistaken, held that irresistible offense WITHOUT A FIRST DOWN for most of the half! You all saw it, too! Even Vinnie’s unfortunate pick in the end zone didn’t diminish my hope- The Colts promptly three-and outed, and we were down by only three to this vaunted team. There was bona fide- HOPE! The team looked like they had responded to the coaching, and to Testaverde.
Start the second half.
When Carr was announced as the QB, the stadium let out a collective groan. Fair to Carr? Maybe not. I actually felt bad for him to hear the clear and loudly voiced boos. But it was as if the power switch was turned off on this team. The offense, defense, and special teams disappeared, and Indy rolled up twenty-one unanswered points. The one scoring threat we had evaporated with a Jeff King fumble. This was a complete reversal of the home opener against Jacksonville in ’03. How terribly depressing to watch this continuing home field DISadvantage. Now, we’ve found out that Vinny has an ankle injury. How bad has yet to be determined, but I’m thinking that Fox wanted to compare his two QB’s in a regular season situation that just wasn’t critical to the division race. With a mere ten-point deficit, this Carr simply wasn’t equipped to drive very far. The offense simply doesn’t seem to respond to his (lack of) leadership, and with no offensive support, the defense ran out of gas in the face of the resurgent Colts attack, which is understandable.
But my feeling is that the Carr option at quarterback for the Carolina Panthers is a failure. If the team is forced to use this shell-shocked and ineffective football player for an extended period, the season may be lost, unless David Carr has a SERIOUS change of game management, mechanics, and perception from his teammates.
That ain’t gonna happen.
I just hope they can wrap Vinny’s ankle extra tight. He is our best, and perhaps ONLY hope for victory, unless Matt Moore proves to be a NFL-caliber quarterback. Because right now, I’m convinced David Carr is NOT an NFL caliber quarterback. And I can just see Foxy say, “Well, if he’s in the NFL, he’s a NFL quarterback.”
Sorry, Foxy. He’s not. The leadership qualities, the toughness, the skill, the vision, the game management- They are simply not there. He is certainly an athlete. I will give him that. He was impressive enough in college to be a top pick. So was Brian Bosworth. So was that bust of a OL in Green Bay, Tony Mandarich- NFL almanacs are full of first rounders who just couldn’t cut it. I can’t see how David Carr escapes induction in this hall of dishonor. But hey, Dave- look on the bright side-
You could be a gay fashion model! With the political correctness machine telling us there’s nothing wrong with that lifestyle, you could make lots of hay on your gay sex appeal, even if you’re not! But as they said in that classic Bill Murray movie “Stripes”- you could be willing to learn!
And speaking of bright sides-
Here’s the sunny sector for the Panthers-
You won’t believe this, but it’s true.
We are STILL in first place in our woeful division as of this writing. And we have a trip to Tennessee to meet the Kerry Collins led Titans coming up. KERRY COLLINS! Speaking of QB’s that just can’t cut it. With a visit from the Duckies to follow, things just don’t look that terrible. In this division race, losing to the Colts just wasn’t that bad- EVERY team in our division has lost to the Colts. (Uh, flash for you Cedar Street Seer- the Duckies haven’t played them yet-) Big deal. Losing to the Colts this year is like my daughter Lauren getting in the ring with Mike Tyson. The only shame in losing to the Colts today is the fashion in which we lost in the second half.
So, looking at the big picture, there IS reason to have hope!
With ONE big IF-
IF Vinnie Testosterone can return to practice, and game action soon.
Ok, TWO big Ifs-
IF Matt Moore can play NFL quarterback.
Ok, THREE big Ifs-
IF David Carr can turn things arou- uhh,
TWO big If’s.
This NFL season has many twists and turns, and no team is immune from the injury bug. What happens to the invincible Colts or Pastry-Rots if Manning or Brady goes down? Many of the teams we are facing down the road are dealing with this. The Titans. The Duckies. The Jag-you-wyres. The Phoney-Niners. The SeaDogs. I STILL see maybe TEN WINS in this team! As Mark “Pack-Man” Packer” says, “you gotta go play.” And so we will.
Just one thing John Fox.
Please, please, please-
Don’t start the Carr.
I await our tilt with Tennessee with great anticipation. This ride’s still rough, but somehow still worth it. Hang on with me, Fanz!
Gotta comment? E-mail me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
Well, Fanz, the debris of Week 8 in the NFL is settling around me, and I’m awaiting the first pitch of what I hope is the final game in the World Series. I just want the Red Sux to put the Blockies out of their misery, because they really don’t have any hope to speak of. Yes, it’s baseball, but seriously, fanz…
Unlike the team we are all pathologically loyal to. There IS hope-
Yes, Virginia, there are a few wins in our future. And THIS YEAR.
Like you, I’m sitting at home, mentally digesting what we saw in the BOFA, and physically digesting the awesome tailgate grub served up by Clay (Lord of the Pit!!) and the supporting PantherFanZ. And to top it off, we enjoyed the company of our brothers from the Great White North. The Canadians really make the tailgate an event to look forward to every year. Too bad we can’t do it more than that.
And for the first time in, well, a year, we had a half of football AT HOME that gave us reason to cheer. Sitting in my beloved spot, my wife and I were amazed at the ELEVEN MINUTE drive to open the game! If we were going to beat the Mighty Colts, THIS was the way to do it! Vinnie TESTOSTERONE led a PERFECT drive that culminated in a touchdown, and the defense absolutely GOT AFTER Peyton and his horseshoe adorned comrades and if I’m not mistaken, held that irresistible offense WITHOUT A FIRST DOWN for most of the half! You all saw it, too! Even Vinnie’s unfortunate pick in the end zone didn’t diminish my hope- The Colts promptly three-and outed, and we were down by only three to this vaunted team. There was bona fide- HOPE! The team looked like they had responded to the coaching, and to Testaverde.
Start the second half.
When Carr was announced as the QB, the stadium let out a collective groan. Fair to Carr? Maybe not. I actually felt bad for him to hear the clear and loudly voiced boos. But it was as if the power switch was turned off on this team. The offense, defense, and special teams disappeared, and Indy rolled up twenty-one unanswered points. The one scoring threat we had evaporated with a Jeff King fumble. This was a complete reversal of the home opener against Jacksonville in ’03. How terribly depressing to watch this continuing home field DISadvantage. Now, we’ve found out that Vinny has an ankle injury. How bad has yet to be determined, but I’m thinking that Fox wanted to compare his two QB’s in a regular season situation that just wasn’t critical to the division race. With a mere ten-point deficit, this Carr simply wasn’t equipped to drive very far. The offense simply doesn’t seem to respond to his (lack of) leadership, and with no offensive support, the defense ran out of gas in the face of the resurgent Colts attack, which is understandable.
But my feeling is that the Carr option at quarterback for the Carolina Panthers is a failure. If the team is forced to use this shell-shocked and ineffective football player for an extended period, the season may be lost, unless David Carr has a SERIOUS change of game management, mechanics, and perception from his teammates.
That ain’t gonna happen.
I just hope they can wrap Vinny’s ankle extra tight. He is our best, and perhaps ONLY hope for victory, unless Matt Moore proves to be a NFL-caliber quarterback. Because right now, I’m convinced David Carr is NOT an NFL caliber quarterback. And I can just see Foxy say, “Well, if he’s in the NFL, he’s a NFL quarterback.”
Sorry, Foxy. He’s not. The leadership qualities, the toughness, the skill, the vision, the game management- They are simply not there. He is certainly an athlete. I will give him that. He was impressive enough in college to be a top pick. So was Brian Bosworth. So was that bust of a OL in Green Bay, Tony Mandarich- NFL almanacs are full of first rounders who just couldn’t cut it. I can’t see how David Carr escapes induction in this hall of dishonor. But hey, Dave- look on the bright side-
You could be a gay fashion model! With the political correctness machine telling us there’s nothing wrong with that lifestyle, you could make lots of hay on your gay sex appeal, even if you’re not! But as they said in that classic Bill Murray movie “Stripes”- you could be willing to learn!
And speaking of bright sides-
Here’s the sunny sector for the Panthers-
You won’t believe this, but it’s true.
We are STILL in first place in our woeful division as of this writing. And we have a trip to Tennessee to meet the Kerry Collins led Titans coming up. KERRY COLLINS! Speaking of QB’s that just can’t cut it. With a visit from the Duckies to follow, things just don’t look that terrible. In this division race, losing to the Colts just wasn’t that bad- EVERY team in our division has lost to the Colts. (Uh, flash for you Cedar Street Seer- the Duckies haven’t played them yet-) Big deal. Losing to the Colts this year is like my daughter Lauren getting in the ring with Mike Tyson. The only shame in losing to the Colts today is the fashion in which we lost in the second half.
So, looking at the big picture, there IS reason to have hope!
With ONE big IF-
IF Vinnie Testosterone can return to practice, and game action soon.
Ok, TWO big Ifs-
IF Matt Moore can play NFL quarterback.
Ok, THREE big Ifs-
IF David Carr can turn things arou- uhh,
TWO big If’s.
This NFL season has many twists and turns, and no team is immune from the injury bug. What happens to the invincible Colts or Pastry-Rots if Manning or Brady goes down? Many of the teams we are facing down the road are dealing with this. The Titans. The Duckies. The Jag-you-wyres. The Phoney-Niners. The SeaDogs. I STILL see maybe TEN WINS in this team! As Mark “Pack-Man” Packer” says, “you gotta go play.” And so we will.
Just one thing John Fox.
Please, please, please-
Don’t start the Carr.
I await our tilt with Tennessee with great anticipation. This ride’s still rough, but somehow still worth it. Hang on with me, Fanz!
Gotta comment? E-mail me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
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