OFFSEASON RANT, pt. 1

April 15, 2008

Well, Fanz, it’s not lost on me it’s Tax Return Deadline day. Having taken care of that chore months ago, I won’t rub it in. But just this once-

NYAHHH NYAHHH NYAHHH!

Ok, I’m done. I got my bill for my season tickets last month. For the first time since I’ve been a fan, I’ve shuddered at the cost. For TWO seats, lower level, diagonal to the endzone, I am paying close to TWO GRAND! For EIGHT REGULAR SEASON GAMES- I’m not even COUNTING Pre-Season! After the largely forgettable season this year, it’s like your freshly-exed girlfriend insulting your gland size as she struts out the door. Ohhh, the pain. And James tells us that parking is going up too, but that’s not so bad, because WE control what happens in the lot. And that, my friends, is something to treasure and appreciate.

I also got the new schedule in the e-mail today, and looking at it got me thinkin’. I’m now recovered from my NCAA swoon, and because I just can’t get excited about the NBA or NHL, I’m letting myself get a little fired up about football. Oh, Baseball and NASCAR’s great, but there’s LOTS of racin’ and runnin’ left in these young seasons.

For those of you who are NOT PSL owners, and don’t have advance of the schedule, or have’nt commited it to memory, here’s what it looks like, REGULAR SEASON-

September 7th. 4.15 kickoff- @Sad Diego Chargers
A possibly overrated AFC team with some pretty potent weapons exposed during last year’s playoffs. Winnable, but I’m budgeting a loss for this one.

September 14th, 1.00 kickoff- Da Chicaaagooo Beayahhhhs.
An aging team, especially defensively, that’s on a downward trend. A very winnable home opener. PantherFanz party and get happy.

September 21st, 1.00 kickoff- @Minnesota Vikings
An NFC team on the rise with a flashy running back and a nice crop of draftees and free agents. An “L” for the Puddycats.

September 28th, 1.00 kickoff- THE…………ATLANTA………FUCKLONS……
Those HATED DUCKIES come into our house once again. There is no freakin’ way, no way, no how, that we can lose to these slackers. AGAIN. If we do, Foxy should be watching his back from this point on.

October 5th, 1.00 kickoff Kansas City Chefs
PantherFanZ will indeed be the Chefs for the Chefs, cooking up a nice win for the home crowd. The Chiefs are in sad shape, worse than us. This should be a happy day for the Fanz and the team.

October 12th, 1.00 kickoff @Tampa Bay Buck-an-Ears.
Rivalry renewed. Probably our most evenly matched opponent in the division. It’s been fun, and I’m anticipating more of the same this year. Possibly a split this year.

October 19th, 1.00 kickoff N’awlins sAINT’s
A health DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOce McCallister makes a difference on this team, but a perennially shell-shocked Danielle Morgan does not. Possibly a splitszky here, too, but I’m thinkin’ sweep. By us.

October 26th 1.00 kickoff Arizona Cardy-Noles
We close out the season with the perennial underachievers. Note that I show off my totally unprofessional attention to writing detail by using the word “Perennial” and it’s derivative in consecutive paragraphs.

And, precisely in the middle of the season, a bye. Eight games played, five home games. We should be no worse than 5-3 at that point, and solidly in front of our division . So what would the second half, heavy with road games, hold for our Carolina Panthers? My clairvoyance gland is telling me some early tales…. Read on, reader….

November 9th, 4.05 kickoff @ crOakland Ray-durrs
The Ray-durrs are a disappointing, underachieving, mismanaged bunch, and I don’t see any reason for RaiderNation to rejoice this year. PantherNation, on the other hand, starts the second half with a “W”.

November 16th. 1.00 kickoff Dee-troit Lions
Another underachieving mismanaged bunch we arrta clobber at home.

November 23rd, 1.00 kickoff @Fucklons, part II
We should shut up all 25,000 so called Falcon fans in attendance with their Vick jerseys on early. Another “W”.

November 30th, 1.00 kickoff @Green Bay Packers
The Tundra. The field. The fans. Brett Farve- oops, no Farve. What a difference ONE player makes. By this time, The Packers have found out what he meant to the team. Could Apocalypse Meow actually be 9-3 after this game? Just as Tiger Woods said to an interviewer at last week’s Masters concerning a “grand slam”…
“It’s reasonable to think so”…. Of course, Tiger went gaspipe to Immelman on Sunday…

December 8th, 8.30 kickoff MONDAY NIGHTA!!! Tampa Bay Bucks!
Our lone night game (so far, per NFL new end-of-season scheduling) and we’ll be loud, and ready. A great day to tailgate in the Queen City, especially if you’re lucky enuff to have a spot in the Cedar Street lot.

December 14th, 1.00 kickoff Denver Broncoids
Ok, Monday night hangover? The Broncoids? Not likely. Shanahan and his team are on a continuing downward spiral, the now mighty Panthers have another home victory.

December 21st, 1.00 kickoff @NooYawk Giants, Sooper Bowl Chumps
At this time of year, if the Giants haven’t wrapped up their tough division, it’s possible the Famous Super Bowl Swoon will have affected them and won’t even be fighting for their playoff lives. A game for pride, and we’ll be due. An “L”.

December 28th, 1.00 kickoff @ N’awlin’s Saints
We close out the season on the road to the friendly confines of the Sooperdome, and we will NOT finish the season on a losing note, not to these guys.
Can you say PLAYOFFS, baby!!!???

Now, of course, we COULD conceivably loose EVERY SINGLE GAME-

But hey, the draft’s ahead, we’ve got plenty of picks, some nice free agents in Pantherland, why not dream? Something to salve the sting of those high ticket prices… 12-4??? Toxy, where you at man, it’s bettin’ time….

Stay tuned… OffSeason Rant part II coming up….


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