Wish List

December 10th, 2007

Well, Fanz- it’s been two weeks since my last rant, and I’m ready to source whatever holiday spirit there is to wish for things tangible and intangible.

Of course, we’d all like peace on earth, and good will towards ALL men, and that would include anyone in a Falcons uniform or a Du---

Duuuuu----

Oh Lord, forgive me.

I just can’t do it for Dook.

But, just like my Giving Thanks rant, this IS a Panther Football site, and all of my wishes here are my wishes for the Richardson Panthurs.

Panthur Football.

Seems like an oxymoron.

For most of this year, either watching on TV or sitting in BOFA, this season’s team has been the very worst brand of football I’ve seen as a fan. The first season in Klimpsun was far better. Even with that Gawd-Awful traffic before and afterwards. The 1-15 season was AT LEAST watchable.

This year has been garbage. Pure garbage.

So now, I’m wishing. But before I do, The Cedar Street Seer is making a bold prediction. After yesterday, and hearing some post-game commentary, I’m ready to say it.

John Fox will NOT be head coach of these Richardson Panthurs next season.

Too much that has gone wrong for this team in performance is coaching related. And Jerry R. won’t put up with what he’s seeing in the house the PSL built for another year. He just won’t. My list is long- So with that, I start with-

ORGANIZATION/COACHING
Ok, so if I wish the coaching staff away, Jerry had BETTER have a good alternative in the wings- Marty Schottenheimer has a house in Lake Norman- Marty got a terrible deal in Sad Diego, and a WORSE one in DC. I think Marty is a good fit here. There’s rumors that Power Cowher has a handshake deal to come in. Cowher would at least energize the players and fans. And the coach and HIS staff, not A SOUL left over from the debris of Fox, will have to blow this team up, position by position. And who will make the personnel decisions to replace the blown up players? Not the Marty we have on staff NOW- Hurney, the scouting staff, GONE. Their track record has been ABYSMAL. We need a real football man, a shrewd “capologist” who can bring in terrific talent, year after year, like the Pissburg Squealers did for so many years. Right now the Panthurs are in the worst cap position in the league. Our new GM is going to really have to make some chicken salad out of the sh** that remains. So I continue to wish for-

QUARTERBACKS
I wish that we’d trade Julius Peppers straight up for Peyton Manning. Can you imagine the Bojangles commercials we’d have THEN!!??? But since that borders on science fiction, I wish for Jake Delhomme to have a complete and successful recovery from his Tommy John surgery. As I’ve said before, Jake is a natural leader, a gunslinger in the mold of Brett Favre. We need to keep Jake if he’s healthy. All of our present QB’s, INCLUDING Matt Moore, are to be jettisoned. Vinny Testicle, retire. David Carr-

Just go away.

And let’s draft a good QB in this year’s draft. We’re going to be in great draft position- there’s a good crop of ‘em out there. And who does our wished-for QB throw to?

WIDE RECIEVERS/TIGHT ENDS
I wish for Steve Smith to be a Panther forever. And for Keary Colbert, Drew Carter, and Dewayne Jarrett to cease being Panthers effective December 31st. I wish we had Frisbee-catchin’ dogs like we had back in ’99. I wish Jeff King or Dante Rosario would turn into Wesley Walls. If not, seeya. We need sticky-handed guys who will not only catch the damn ball, but to run proper routes, keep their heads in the game, and BLOCK! Block for who? Who I wish for in-

RUNNING BACKS
I wish also for DeFumblo Foster to cease being a Panther effective Dec. 31st. I wish to give DeAngelo Williams a chance to be a feature back. In the meantime, I wish for our remaining stable of backs to be cleared out, except Brad Hoooooooooooover and Nick Comings and Goings can stay and play ………….

UUUUUUUUUUUUUGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

SPECIAL TEAMS
I wish we didn’t have the very worst special teams in the NFL. But we do. We need a half-dozen kamikaze players who launch themselves down the field like human Exocet missiles. And if they don’t the new special teams coach that I’m wishing for needs to get them in the mindset to do that. Thank you, John Kasay, for all of your years of excellence, in performance, AND character. I wish for you to retire before you embarrass yourself one of these days. Don’t worry, you’ll get your statue and name in our Ring of Honour. We can keep Jason Baker. And as I continue to wish, I won’t forget…

OFFENSIVE LINE
I wish for you guys a new coach that will coach all of those stupid false starts out of you. You all are a pretty good bunch. Unless you’re Dinky Carr, the QB just isn’t sacked very much. I’ll say that this part of our team is actually mediocre, and not garbage, like most of the team. I’ve got a good friend in church that used to be a lineman at NC State, and he told me OL’s hold on EVERY play. They just have to be sneaky about it. So I’ll forgive the occasional holding call, just QUIT JUMPING BEFORE THE DAMN SNAP!!!

Now for a really BIG WISH-

DEFENSIVE LINE
After special teams, there is no part of this team that needs to be blown up more than this one. Jenk, Ruck, Pep, Kemo- NONE of you is a sacred cow. I wish for ALL OF YOU to cease being Panthers after this year. I wish to trade Julius Peppers for all of the draft picks we could get out of him, unless the new coaches I’m wishing for think they can coach him back into the monster we remember. I’d let Stanley McClover try to earn a roster spot. And now, I wish behind this line for

LINEBACKERS
I wish for Danielle Morgan to retire. Now. Don’t even entertain the notion of coming back for this team, ever. I wish for Jon BEASTon to be a Panther forever. I wish for a really dominating LB in the draft to complement him and TD on the outside. I wish for a crazed lunatic like Kevin Greene in this unit. I wish that we could have the kind of fun we used to have when he was at his peak. And down the field, I wish for

CORNERS AND SAFTIES
I wish Richard Marshall would start, and Christine Gamble would play nickel. I wish Ken Lucas well, and a nice end of is career somewhere else. I wish we would draft a real shut-down ball-hawking corner, or a heat-seeking missile of a safety, like Mike After-Dinner Minter used to be. I wish Mike was young again and back, but like seeing Peyton Manning in black’n-blue, that’s science fiction.

And while I’m wishing, I wish those nasty dreadlocks would go out of fashion. I’m surprised that if the league bans fun and celebrations, they wouldn’t ban these tacky forms of self-expression. But that’s just me. I wish the Panthurs would spend more time showing replays on the screen and not those stupid advertisements. I wish they’d let us take our shirts off. I wish they’d let people bring in posters critical of the team. I wish beer wasn’t so expensive in the stadium. And I wish they’d stop playing the Imperial March at the start of every defensive series. They’re just not that intimidating. I wish that one day, that the Panthers start scaring the league again, like the Pastry-rots do now. I wish that we would make a speedy return to playoff football, at least COMPETETIVE football, and most of all,

I wish all of you a Merry Christmas with your families, your friends and loved ones, and a very happy New Year.

And as I type out of sight, Good Tailgating to all, and to all-

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh, you know………

Comments?

Email me, The Cedar Street Seer
captntee@aol.com