I pondered what I would rant about after seeing the Panthers double their win total from last year.
I’m of a similar feeling from last week. Tampa Bay is a team that is spiraling downward, and without their starting quarterback, this is a team we should handle, and easily. So, while the game was impressive from an offensive standpoint primarily, it was largely expected from me. I just don’t want to get too fired up from this, a second consecutive road victory over an inferior opponent.
And, yet, I can’t help but be optimistic after what I saw yesterday. A metaphor that came to mind was one of those irresistibly hokey Japanese monster man-in-suit movies that features an embryonic creature that grows and exhibits more and more powerful and destructive features as the film proceeds to its finish. A play that personified this perfectly was the ingenious call made by Chudzinski to have Newton pass to Nanee, who in turn passed BACK to Newton, who deftly, and seemingly in slow, dramatic motion, moved the ball to scoring position. BRILLIANT! And so, another weapon in the fearsome creature known as the Rivera-led Carolina Panthers is revealed to an amazed legion of fans.
Which brings me to a larger scope.
The growth of this team is apparent. While the nature of the NFL in these days is favorable to rapid improvement, it’s STILL a process, one which takes sometimes two or more seasons, much as it had happened to the Detroit Lions. For some, like the Duckies, it can be quicker. It takes dynamic players and personnel, and we have one of the best that’s come along in quite some time. I’ve already forecast the brilliant future ahead of us in earlier, headier rants, I won’t replay them here. But like the building of a grand structure, we can see the beams and shape of the franchise to come beginning to take shape, and it’s quite encouraging. For once, there’s more than one playmaker in the receiver corps. The notion of a three- headed battering ram to defend against on our team is a delight to contemplate.
And, again, then there’s Cam.
From someone who was ridiculed by the media in an awkward interview by “Chucky” Gruden on ESPN, to a professional NFL quarterback who ABSOLUTELY GETS IT! Gets his role, gets his limitations, gets the growth process, and gets who he is without the dramatic diva antics. Case in point – a ball he held in scoring the touchdown that broke Steve Grogan’s single-season record would have been tightly retained by most NFL players. Instead, he graciously gave it to a young female fan in the front row at Raymond James Stadium. To me, that said volumes about where Cam is. He’s not thinking about NOW. He knows there’s so much more to do, so much more to accomplish than to be focused on an individual feat such as Grogan’s record. Detractors who deride Cam for his choice in sideline head adornment need to look again at this gesture before continuing to criticize him.
The season, as playoff aspirations go, is pretty much over. Mathematically, we’re not dead, but I refuse to believe that every team that’s 7-5 in our conference would lose their next four games, while we win our last four, propelling us into the playoff picture. Not happening. BUT! We could surely get started with the Duckies coming up! How good that would be, beating a team, A PRIME NEMESIS in our division, fighting for a playoff spot, and DENYING them that! It would arguably be the highlight of the season! This late in the season, most of what we’ve hoped for from these Carolina Panthers has been realized in a competitive, entertaining team that will roll over for no one. We had the predicted stinker against Tennessee, and for a half against Detroit, but we’ve fought for the entire season, which is a quantum step from where we were last season. After the disappointment of those losses has worn off, I can’t help but again be drawn to the big picture. To an offseason of serious building to a winner. If the defense can add a dynamo like Newton, we’ll be well on the way.
And like one of those iconic Japanese monsters, we can fly away (or whatever Godzilla does) at the end of the seasons to come, only to return to raze, like Tokyo, the league again and again to a fixated and ecstatic fan base…
I’ll be back soon with the final quarterly report…
Gotta Comment?
Email me, the Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
05 December, 2011
01 December, 2011
THE WEEKLY HANDICAP AND OTHER CLARIVOYANCES - WEEK 13
Good Thursday to you, Fanz –
I’m buoyed by not only the fact the Panthers have exceeded their win total from last year, not only that I can actually type for two minutes without significant discomfort, but the fact I went 11-5 in picking last week. I look to duplicate or exceed that this week in this stretch run of a too-fast season that feels like it had just started – This week features the whole gamut – garbage games, division games, desperate, MUST WIN games, and making hay games –
Let’s get started while my arm lets me do this –
PHILTHYDEPHIA @ SEATTLE
This game now falls under the category of “Garbage”. At 4-7, neither of these teams can be realistically expected to make a playoff run. Now that the pressure’s off, I’d expect the Iggles to perform better, even without Michael Vick at the controls. The Seadogs are coming off a miserable performance against a dreadful DeadSkins team, and have little to play for. I like the embattled Andy Reid to unleash his rushing attack supplemented by another rushing QB, Vinnie Young. Take the Iggles and the -3.
TENNESSEE @ BUFFALO
Game grade – “DESPERATION”- The Bills have lost 4 straight, and are no longer a credible playoff contestant – The Titans have gotten what could be a BIG break in Houston’s emergent QB troubles – Both teams NEED this game – but the Titans now have a re-energized Chris Johnson-led rushing attack that knows no home field advantage, plus, they are now motivated by the realistic shot at the once uncatchable Texans – wrong team favoured here – I like the Titans straight up!
KANSAS SHITTY @ CHICAGO
Game grade – “Making Hay” – Even though both teams are on virtually unknown backup QB’s, Mr. Hanie has a much better supporting cast than the Chefs, and the Bears are making a sham of my fourth place prediction to start the season. This is a game the Bears SHOULD win – and they will. Take the Bears and the -7.
OAKLANDLAND @ MIAMI
Game grade – “Making Hay”- Even though Miami has shown some fight as of late, the Raiders have put on a bona-fide playoff push, thanks in large part to a productive rushing attack and a resurgent Carson Palmer. Wrong team favoured here. Take the Raiders straight up!
CINCINNATI @ PISSBURGH
Game grade- “Divisional Schlobberknocker”- a loss isn’t necessarily fatal to playoff hopes for either team. The Bengals have played the Squeelers very well as of late, and are in no way intimidated by so called “Blitzburgh”. I think this turns into a field goal game, which the Bengals cover. Take Cincy and the +6 ½.
BALTY-MOORE @ CLEVELANDLAND
Game grade – “Making Hay” – The Quothers keep pace with their conference-leading competitors. I refuse to take the Brownies. Ravens big.
NY JETS @ WARSHINGTOON
Game grade – “Garbage” - A victory over the Seadogs doesn’t do much for me. I like the J*E*T*S to win yet another defensive field goal game to sustain their flickering playoff hopes.
ATLANTA @ HOUSTON
Game grade – “DESPERATE Schlobberknocker”- The Duckies have to have this game to remain in the playoff chase – The Texans have to have this game to preserve their psyche after losing TWO of their quarterbacks – Fortunately for Houston, TJ Yates is a professional grade quarterback that knows how to manage himself through adversity, as evidenced through his remarkable performance last year as a Tar Heel. And his supporting cast in Space City is far superior to his team from Chapel Hill. I think the Texans defense rattle the Duckies all day. Wrong team favoured here. Houston wins, straight up!
CAROLINA @ TAMPA BAY
Game grade – “Divisional Garbage” - Tampa’s collapse from the power rankings is unexpected, but welcome for Panther Nation. As of this writing, their defense is statistically WORSE than the Panthers, if you can believe that! Which means the Cam-a-Lots should have a great day for fantasy owners everywhere. I like the Panthers straight up in this one –Not only for a honest-to-goodness win streak, but on the ROAD, no less!
DETROIT @ NEW ORLEANS
Game grade – “Making Hay” – A humbled Leo’s defense now has to face a team with an equal offensive force to that of the Packers team that smoked ‘em for Thanksgiving! And without their defensive cornerstone, DonkeyKong Suh, I’d expect the results to be the same. Bears and Duckies and Cowboys and Giants are pulling for the Saints. So am I.
DENVER @ MINI-SODA
Game grade – “Desperation” – At 6-5, the Broncoids now are buying into this “Divine Te-Bowship” that has supposedly propelled them to a possible playoff berth. I ain’t buyin’ it. Te-Blow sucks as an NFL quarterback, but this Broncoid defense has bought, lock, stock, and barrel, FOXBALL. And THAT’s the crux of Denver’s success as of late. Jake Delhomme could be on this team and they’d still be 6-5. And the Vikings are bad. Wrong team favoured here. DESPITE Te-Blowmania, Broncoids win.
SAD LOOEY @ SAN FRANCISCO
Game grade – “Making Hay” – At 9-2, the Niners can clinch their first playoff spot in a decade by decking a divisional opponent that’s pretty much done. 13 points is a lot, but they’re at home, and they’ll be motivated. Take the surging Niners.
DALLAS @ ARID-ZONA
Game Grade – “Making Desperate Hay” – For the first time in years, the Cowboys control their divisional fate. First, they must defeat a Cardy-noles team that DOES have some bona-fide playmakers on it. They will have to account for rookie phenom Patrick Peterson, and Kevin Kolb returns at QB. Second, The Cowboys are still trying to cement their 2011 offensive identity, but Romo The Not-Homo is starting to play up to expectations. It will be exciting, and close, but I think Dallas gets it done. Take the Cowboys and the -4 ½.
GREEN BAY AT NY GIANTS
Game Grade – “Making Hay” – FOR THE PACKERS – it’s beyond desperation for the Giants, who were so exposed against the Saints – The Packers are a similar team in so many ways to the Saints, and will have no problem with the quickly fading Gi-AINTS.
TWO GAMES IN PRIMETIME THAT WILL SUCK MASSIVE ROTTEN DONKEY BALLS
I thought the new “Flex Scheduling “the league implemented was supposed to fix this –
Instead of Detroit-New Orleans, Pissburgh-Cincy, or even Dallas-Arid-Zona, we get
CHEATIN’-CHEK’S REVENGE – INDIANAPOLIS @ NEW ENGLANDGLAND for SUNDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL
If freshman Chef Rivera carved up the Colts with his Cam Newton Ginsu blade, and you imagine what Billy Cheat-a-Chek will do with Tommy Terrific and his Brady Bunch against his former nemesis? It will be like Gordon Ramsey at a Denny’s. Unwatchable unless you’re a Pastry-Rots sniffer. The line’s at 20. Can you imagine it being less?
SAD DIEGO @ JACKSONVILLE for MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL
Like the game above – “GARBAGE”. Sad Diego has plummeted like available dates for Herman Cain. Phillip Rivers has become inexplicably inept, and the Jaggy-Whyers, well, they’re the Jaggy-Whyers, now with an interim head coach, and new owner, and a half-empty stadium. Like this Monday night. The Chargers have more “playmakers” if you can call it that, and I will lean to them.
There you go Fanz – I make more hay with these picks –
See you after the games with my Sucky-Neers rant –
Last week - 11-5
Season - 92-79
Gotta Comment?
Email me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
I’m buoyed by not only the fact the Panthers have exceeded their win total from last year, not only that I can actually type for two minutes without significant discomfort, but the fact I went 11-5 in picking last week. I look to duplicate or exceed that this week in this stretch run of a too-fast season that feels like it had just started – This week features the whole gamut – garbage games, division games, desperate, MUST WIN games, and making hay games –
Let’s get started while my arm lets me do this –
PHILTHYDEPHIA @ SEATTLE
This game now falls under the category of “Garbage”. At 4-7, neither of these teams can be realistically expected to make a playoff run. Now that the pressure’s off, I’d expect the Iggles to perform better, even without Michael Vick at the controls. The Seadogs are coming off a miserable performance against a dreadful DeadSkins team, and have little to play for. I like the embattled Andy Reid to unleash his rushing attack supplemented by another rushing QB, Vinnie Young. Take the Iggles and the -3.
TENNESSEE @ BUFFALO
Game grade – “DESPERATION”- The Bills have lost 4 straight, and are no longer a credible playoff contestant – The Titans have gotten what could be a BIG break in Houston’s emergent QB troubles – Both teams NEED this game – but the Titans now have a re-energized Chris Johnson-led rushing attack that knows no home field advantage, plus, they are now motivated by the realistic shot at the once uncatchable Texans – wrong team favoured here – I like the Titans straight up!
KANSAS SHITTY @ CHICAGO
Game grade – “Making Hay” – Even though both teams are on virtually unknown backup QB’s, Mr. Hanie has a much better supporting cast than the Chefs, and the Bears are making a sham of my fourth place prediction to start the season. This is a game the Bears SHOULD win – and they will. Take the Bears and the -7.
OAKLANDLAND @ MIAMI
Game grade – “Making Hay”- Even though Miami has shown some fight as of late, the Raiders have put on a bona-fide playoff push, thanks in large part to a productive rushing attack and a resurgent Carson Palmer. Wrong team favoured here. Take the Raiders straight up!
CINCINNATI @ PISSBURGH
Game grade- “Divisional Schlobberknocker”- a loss isn’t necessarily fatal to playoff hopes for either team. The Bengals have played the Squeelers very well as of late, and are in no way intimidated by so called “Blitzburgh”. I think this turns into a field goal game, which the Bengals cover. Take Cincy and the +6 ½.
BALTY-MOORE @ CLEVELANDLAND
Game grade – “Making Hay” – The Quothers keep pace with their conference-leading competitors. I refuse to take the Brownies. Ravens big.
NY JETS @ WARSHINGTOON
Game grade – “Garbage” - A victory over the Seadogs doesn’t do much for me. I like the J*E*T*S to win yet another defensive field goal game to sustain their flickering playoff hopes.
ATLANTA @ HOUSTON
Game grade – “DESPERATE Schlobberknocker”- The Duckies have to have this game to remain in the playoff chase – The Texans have to have this game to preserve their psyche after losing TWO of their quarterbacks – Fortunately for Houston, TJ Yates is a professional grade quarterback that knows how to manage himself through adversity, as evidenced through his remarkable performance last year as a Tar Heel. And his supporting cast in Space City is far superior to his team from Chapel Hill. I think the Texans defense rattle the Duckies all day. Wrong team favoured here. Houston wins, straight up!
CAROLINA @ TAMPA BAY
Game grade – “Divisional Garbage” - Tampa’s collapse from the power rankings is unexpected, but welcome for Panther Nation. As of this writing, their defense is statistically WORSE than the Panthers, if you can believe that! Which means the Cam-a-Lots should have a great day for fantasy owners everywhere. I like the Panthers straight up in this one –Not only for a honest-to-goodness win streak, but on the ROAD, no less!
DETROIT @ NEW ORLEANS
Game grade – “Making Hay” – A humbled Leo’s defense now has to face a team with an equal offensive force to that of the Packers team that smoked ‘em for Thanksgiving! And without their defensive cornerstone, DonkeyKong Suh, I’d expect the results to be the same. Bears and Duckies and Cowboys and Giants are pulling for the Saints. So am I.
DENVER @ MINI-SODA
Game grade – “Desperation” – At 6-5, the Broncoids now are buying into this “Divine Te-Bowship” that has supposedly propelled them to a possible playoff berth. I ain’t buyin’ it. Te-Blow sucks as an NFL quarterback, but this Broncoid defense has bought, lock, stock, and barrel, FOXBALL. And THAT’s the crux of Denver’s success as of late. Jake Delhomme could be on this team and they’d still be 6-5. And the Vikings are bad. Wrong team favoured here. DESPITE Te-Blowmania, Broncoids win.
SAD LOOEY @ SAN FRANCISCO
Game grade – “Making Hay” – At 9-2, the Niners can clinch their first playoff spot in a decade by decking a divisional opponent that’s pretty much done. 13 points is a lot, but they’re at home, and they’ll be motivated. Take the surging Niners.
DALLAS @ ARID-ZONA
Game Grade – “Making Desperate Hay” – For the first time in years, the Cowboys control their divisional fate. First, they must defeat a Cardy-noles team that DOES have some bona-fide playmakers on it. They will have to account for rookie phenom Patrick Peterson, and Kevin Kolb returns at QB. Second, The Cowboys are still trying to cement their 2011 offensive identity, but Romo The Not-Homo is starting to play up to expectations. It will be exciting, and close, but I think Dallas gets it done. Take the Cowboys and the -4 ½.
GREEN BAY AT NY GIANTS
Game Grade – “Making Hay” – FOR THE PACKERS – it’s beyond desperation for the Giants, who were so exposed against the Saints – The Packers are a similar team in so many ways to the Saints, and will have no problem with the quickly fading Gi-AINTS.
TWO GAMES IN PRIMETIME THAT WILL SUCK MASSIVE ROTTEN DONKEY BALLS
I thought the new “Flex Scheduling “the league implemented was supposed to fix this –
Instead of Detroit-New Orleans, Pissburgh-Cincy, or even Dallas-Arid-Zona, we get
CHEATIN’-CHEK’S REVENGE – INDIANAPOLIS @ NEW ENGLANDGLAND for SUNDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL
If freshman Chef Rivera carved up the Colts with his Cam Newton Ginsu blade, and you imagine what Billy Cheat-a-Chek will do with Tommy Terrific and his Brady Bunch against his former nemesis? It will be like Gordon Ramsey at a Denny’s. Unwatchable unless you’re a Pastry-Rots sniffer. The line’s at 20. Can you imagine it being less?
SAD DIEGO @ JACKSONVILLE for MONDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL
Like the game above – “GARBAGE”. Sad Diego has plummeted like available dates for Herman Cain. Phillip Rivers has become inexplicably inept, and the Jaggy-Whyers, well, they’re the Jaggy-Whyers, now with an interim head coach, and new owner, and a half-empty stadium. Like this Monday night. The Chargers have more “playmakers” if you can call it that, and I will lean to them.
There you go Fanz – I make more hay with these picks –
See you after the games with my Sucky-Neers rant –
Last week - 11-5
Season - 92-79
Gotta Comment?
Email me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
28 November, 2011
WE SUCK LESS...
I’m going to admit.
I had two pre-determined actions to the outcome of yesterday’s games.
One, for a loss ---
SHUTDOWN. There is NO WAY a supposedly “up and coming” team can lose to a 0-10 team with nothing to play for except MAYBE pride or a paycheck. It would have been an embarrassment from which this season, what’s left of it, could not have recovered. And I would have locked down the rant for the remainder of the season as well, unless the muse moved me. And the eyes of serious doubt would have been cast upon the Rivera regime from yesterday going forward.
I for one, am mighty glad I didn’t have to do it.
Two, for a victory –
Quiet acknowledgement. This is a team YOU ARE SUPPOSED to beat. The parts that we have expected to work well, did. Great. The parts we have accepted as sucking, did. Only The Carolina Panther defense could have allowed the Mighty Colts to notch one of their most productive offensive outputs of the season. But to Coach Chudz’ credit, he had a sound game plan offensively to absolutely leave no doubt of the outcome –
Pound the rock. When any football team can run the ball for 200 yards or more, you can pretty much expect victory. And against a significantly inferior opponent, you are virtually assured. Done. I’m pretty sure it was Woody Hayes of Suck-eyes fame that said –
“Three things happen when you throw the ball, and two of ‘ems BAD!”
So, an “up and coming” coaching staff did what they had to do to ensure victory, and a better season than last year. Again, great. Everyone’s happy.
We suck less. It’s a somewhat self-derisive chant I’ve taken to make on exiting the Pasture of Disasture in our all-too-frequent offseasons.
Less than….???
Certainly less than the team we just beat -
Definitely less than the Lambs, at 2-9-
Without AP, we suck less than the 2-9 Vikings, although they’ve beaten us this year –
Because of our excitement generating offense, we suck less than the 3-8 Dullfins and Jaggy-whyers –
There are 8 teams with 4-7 records just above us. Can you, with a straight face, tell me that the DeadSkins, Seadogs, Chefs, Chargers, Iggles, Browns, and Cardy-noles are significantly LOWER on the sucky-ness meter than US??? The Mighty Cam-a-lots? Make that argument to me! And this coming Sunday, we have a real opportunity TO PUT A TEAM IN OUR DIVISION IN LAST PLACE! Against a mightily struggling Sucky-neers team in Tampa, not only can we go on an honest-to-goodness winning streak, but we can DOUBLE our victory totals from our history-making monumental season of misery last year!
Our defense, of course, will be our ever-present albatross around our necks in that venture, but if we can keep moving the ball like we have, who knows? Tampa certainly doesn’t have a Calva-tron in that offense, so….
I don’t wanna get too pumped about this – After all, we just knocked around that little snot-nosed kid, and just barely got him on the ground, but we gotta start somewhere. Advancing in power positions is a very positive indicator of the direction of our team. The notion of sucking for a great draft pick is one that has forever been repugnant to me. I, like the professionals I pay dearly in real money to see and support,
WANT
TO
WIN.
Though not likely, an 8-8 finish would validate in the most convincing manner, the sky-high hopes we have for this team going forward into seasons to come. Hell, a 6-10finish would STILL guarantee high drafting position for the 7 rounds of Chef Rivera’s dash into the NFL Mega-Mart!
I end my rant with a heartfelt thanks to James, Tina and family for hosting the away-game watching party this week, and having some exciting NEW BUS CONVERSION planning! Yes, that’s right.
A new party bus for our new team….
That despite everything we seen that sucks this season, I’m still convinced will suck less, and one day,
Will not suck ----
AT ALL.
See you Thursday with the picks.
Gotta Comment?
Email me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
I had two pre-determined actions to the outcome of yesterday’s games.
One, for a loss ---
SHUTDOWN. There is NO WAY a supposedly “up and coming” team can lose to a 0-10 team with nothing to play for except MAYBE pride or a paycheck. It would have been an embarrassment from which this season, what’s left of it, could not have recovered. And I would have locked down the rant for the remainder of the season as well, unless the muse moved me. And the eyes of serious doubt would have been cast upon the Rivera regime from yesterday going forward.
I for one, am mighty glad I didn’t have to do it.
Two, for a victory –
Quiet acknowledgement. This is a team YOU ARE SUPPOSED to beat. The parts that we have expected to work well, did. Great. The parts we have accepted as sucking, did. Only The Carolina Panther defense could have allowed the Mighty Colts to notch one of their most productive offensive outputs of the season. But to Coach Chudz’ credit, he had a sound game plan offensively to absolutely leave no doubt of the outcome –
Pound the rock. When any football team can run the ball for 200 yards or more, you can pretty much expect victory. And against a significantly inferior opponent, you are virtually assured. Done. I’m pretty sure it was Woody Hayes of Suck-eyes fame that said –
“Three things happen when you throw the ball, and two of ‘ems BAD!”
So, an “up and coming” coaching staff did what they had to do to ensure victory, and a better season than last year. Again, great. Everyone’s happy.
We suck less. It’s a somewhat self-derisive chant I’ve taken to make on exiting the Pasture of Disasture in our all-too-frequent offseasons.
Less than….???
Certainly less than the team we just beat -
Definitely less than the Lambs, at 2-9-
Without AP, we suck less than the 2-9 Vikings, although they’ve beaten us this year –
Because of our excitement generating offense, we suck less than the 3-8 Dullfins and Jaggy-whyers –
There are 8 teams with 4-7 records just above us. Can you, with a straight face, tell me that the DeadSkins, Seadogs, Chefs, Chargers, Iggles, Browns, and Cardy-noles are significantly LOWER on the sucky-ness meter than US??? The Mighty Cam-a-lots? Make that argument to me! And this coming Sunday, we have a real opportunity TO PUT A TEAM IN OUR DIVISION IN LAST PLACE! Against a mightily struggling Sucky-neers team in Tampa, not only can we go on an honest-to-goodness winning streak, but we can DOUBLE our victory totals from our history-making monumental season of misery last year!
Our defense, of course, will be our ever-present albatross around our necks in that venture, but if we can keep moving the ball like we have, who knows? Tampa certainly doesn’t have a Calva-tron in that offense, so….
I don’t wanna get too pumped about this – After all, we just knocked around that little snot-nosed kid, and just barely got him on the ground, but we gotta start somewhere. Advancing in power positions is a very positive indicator of the direction of our team. The notion of sucking for a great draft pick is one that has forever been repugnant to me. I, like the professionals I pay dearly in real money to see and support,
WANT
TO
WIN.
Though not likely, an 8-8 finish would validate in the most convincing manner, the sky-high hopes we have for this team going forward into seasons to come. Hell, a 6-10finish would STILL guarantee high drafting position for the 7 rounds of Chef Rivera’s dash into the NFL Mega-Mart!
I end my rant with a heartfelt thanks to James, Tina and family for hosting the away-game watching party this week, and having some exciting NEW BUS CONVERSION planning! Yes, that’s right.
A new party bus for our new team….
That despite everything we seen that sucks this season, I’m still convinced will suck less, and one day,
Will not suck ----
AT ALL.
See you Thursday with the picks.
Gotta Comment?
Email me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
23 November, 2011
THE WEEKLY HANDICAP AND OTHER CLARIVOYANCES-WEEK 12
Happy Thanksgiving week, Fanz –
The holiday brings its usual conflagration of families long not seen, mounds of food for those fortunate enough to have it, and the delightful distraction of the games, three of them this year, one courtesy of the NFL Network.
And I’m thankful to have posted a winning slate of picks last week.
My recovering hand is still prohibiting productive striking of the keyboard, so I am keeping my commentary on my picks brief, once again.
Here we go, starting with the Thanksgiving Day Games –
GREEN BAY @ DETROIT
Here’s the game many of us have salivated over since both teams started the season 5-0. The Leos tailed off a bit, but are still very much in the playoff picture. Coming back from 17 points down to the Panthers is no monumental task, but does show how much fight’s in Detroit. And they’re at home. The Packers will have to get a test SOMETIME this season, and tomorrow will be the day. Take the Leos and the +7.
MIAMI @ DALLAS
The Cowboys have a chance to take command of the division – and they won’t blow it. I like ‘em big over an overachieving Phish.
SAN FRANCISCO @ BALTY-MOORE
For the first time in NFL history, a game featuring BROTHER head coaches takes place, and lucky for us, the teams don’t suck! I think there’s more urgency on the Ravens side of the ball, as the Niners should actually clinch a playoff spot with their next win. Just won’t be this week. Quothers by -3.
ARID-ZONA @ SAD LOOEY
Uggh. Someone has to win this game. The line is off, and I’m sensing a Cardy-Nole special teams play (Mr. Patterson?) to win it -
CLEVLANDLAND @ CINCINNATI
Like I said, I’m not taking the Browns again this year. Bungles big.
MINI-SODA @ ATLANTA
No AP? Big problem. Duckies waste the Vikings as they fight for their playoff lives.
TAMPA BAY @ TENNESSEE
Mediocre teams fighting for relevancy. I’m feelin’ the Sucky-neers to cover the +3.
CAROLINA @ INDIANAPOLIS
If the Panthers lose this game, whatever’s left of the excitement bubble of Cam-waggoning will disintegrate for the reminder of the season. And it won’t be pretty. And it won’t happen. There’s too much offense on the ‘Cats for that to happen. Panthers by -4.
HOUSTON @ JACKSONVILLE
This is when the Texans have to establish their hold onto the division, and throttle a vastly inferior team. And I think they do it convincingly. By at least the -4.
BUFFALO @ NEW YORK JETS
For these AFC East foes, the season is on the brink. To lose to Denver and Miami respectively is unacceptable for teams fighting for playoff positioning. As has been the case all season, the Jets defense has game-changing capabilities, and will be the difference. The Bills are fading altogether. Take the J*E*T*S and the -8 at home.
CHICAGO @ OAKLAND
Hello, Mr. Haney! The Raiders ain’t a customer in Hooterville to hustle – Welcome to your first NFL start! SOMEONE has to separate themselves from the rest of the morass that is the AFC Worst – I like the Raiders and the -4.
WARSHINGTOON @ SEATTLE
These guys get paid, too. The Deadskins play their best against the Cowboys. I’m sensing a three-pick game outta Gross-Man. Seadogs by -3 ½.
NEW ENGLANDGLAND @ PHILTHYDELPHIA
The effort displayed by the Iggles last week was nowhere near enough to save their season, although their beleaguered offense may be able to puncture the Pastry-Rots defense. But then there’s the Brady Bunch. The line is off, but I like New EnglandGland.
DENVER @ SAD DIEGO
I REFUSE to get pulled into Te-blow mania. Its’ the DEFENSE that’s carrying the Broncoids, and Timmy just happens to be along for the ride. The Chargers haven’t dominated anyone all year, and it’s not starting Sunday. Denver hangs with them, but no Te-blow heroics this time. But they cover.
PISSBURGH @ KANSAS SHITTY
I don’t get how such a crappy team gets TWO consecutive primetime games! Won’t happen again. This is a game the Squeelers usually dominate, and I don’t see anything changing. Men of Squeel by -11.
NEW YORK GIANTS @ NEW ORLEANS
I remember a Sunday night game in the 90’s at the Superdome that the Saints had in hand, and Lawrence Taylor, separated shoulder non-withstanding, WILLED the Geee-men to victory, never mind that Morten Andersen’s kick was GOOD! ( %&*#^%$#%#refs….) This game doesn’t feature any kind of fearsome Giants linebackers, much less defense. The Saints DO have Bobby Hebert calling the color analysis on the radio, though…. Saints smoke the Giants, who let a vastly inferior Iggles team escape last week…
I'll be more thankful when my arm heals...
Last week - 8-5
Season - 81-74
Gotta Comment?
Email me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
The holiday brings its usual conflagration of families long not seen, mounds of food for those fortunate enough to have it, and the delightful distraction of the games, three of them this year, one courtesy of the NFL Network.
And I’m thankful to have posted a winning slate of picks last week.
My recovering hand is still prohibiting productive striking of the keyboard, so I am keeping my commentary on my picks brief, once again.
Here we go, starting with the Thanksgiving Day Games –
GREEN BAY @ DETROIT
Here’s the game many of us have salivated over since both teams started the season 5-0. The Leos tailed off a bit, but are still very much in the playoff picture. Coming back from 17 points down to the Panthers is no monumental task, but does show how much fight’s in Detroit. And they’re at home. The Packers will have to get a test SOMETIME this season, and tomorrow will be the day. Take the Leos and the +7.
MIAMI @ DALLAS
The Cowboys have a chance to take command of the division – and they won’t blow it. I like ‘em big over an overachieving Phish.
SAN FRANCISCO @ BALTY-MOORE
For the first time in NFL history, a game featuring BROTHER head coaches takes place, and lucky for us, the teams don’t suck! I think there’s more urgency on the Ravens side of the ball, as the Niners should actually clinch a playoff spot with their next win. Just won’t be this week. Quothers by -3.
ARID-ZONA @ SAD LOOEY
Uggh. Someone has to win this game. The line is off, and I’m sensing a Cardy-Nole special teams play (Mr. Patterson?) to win it -
CLEVLANDLAND @ CINCINNATI
Like I said, I’m not taking the Browns again this year. Bungles big.
MINI-SODA @ ATLANTA
No AP? Big problem. Duckies waste the Vikings as they fight for their playoff lives.
TAMPA BAY @ TENNESSEE
Mediocre teams fighting for relevancy. I’m feelin’ the Sucky-neers to cover the +3.
CAROLINA @ INDIANAPOLIS
If the Panthers lose this game, whatever’s left of the excitement bubble of Cam-waggoning will disintegrate for the reminder of the season. And it won’t be pretty. And it won’t happen. There’s too much offense on the ‘Cats for that to happen. Panthers by -4.
HOUSTON @ JACKSONVILLE
This is when the Texans have to establish their hold onto the division, and throttle a vastly inferior team. And I think they do it convincingly. By at least the -4.
BUFFALO @ NEW YORK JETS
For these AFC East foes, the season is on the brink. To lose to Denver and Miami respectively is unacceptable for teams fighting for playoff positioning. As has been the case all season, the Jets defense has game-changing capabilities, and will be the difference. The Bills are fading altogether. Take the J*E*T*S and the -8 at home.
CHICAGO @ OAKLAND
Hello, Mr. Haney! The Raiders ain’t a customer in Hooterville to hustle – Welcome to your first NFL start! SOMEONE has to separate themselves from the rest of the morass that is the AFC Worst – I like the Raiders and the -4.
WARSHINGTOON @ SEATTLE
These guys get paid, too. The Deadskins play their best against the Cowboys. I’m sensing a three-pick game outta Gross-Man. Seadogs by -3 ½.
NEW ENGLANDGLAND @ PHILTHYDELPHIA
The effort displayed by the Iggles last week was nowhere near enough to save their season, although their beleaguered offense may be able to puncture the Pastry-Rots defense. But then there’s the Brady Bunch. The line is off, but I like New EnglandGland.
DENVER @ SAD DIEGO
I REFUSE to get pulled into Te-blow mania. Its’ the DEFENSE that’s carrying the Broncoids, and Timmy just happens to be along for the ride. The Chargers haven’t dominated anyone all year, and it’s not starting Sunday. Denver hangs with them, but no Te-blow heroics this time. But they cover.
PISSBURGH @ KANSAS SHITTY
I don’t get how such a crappy team gets TWO consecutive primetime games! Won’t happen again. This is a game the Squeelers usually dominate, and I don’t see anything changing. Men of Squeel by -11.
NEW YORK GIANTS @ NEW ORLEANS
I remember a Sunday night game in the 90’s at the Superdome that the Saints had in hand, and Lawrence Taylor, separated shoulder non-withstanding, WILLED the Geee-men to victory, never mind that Morten Andersen’s kick was GOOD! ( %&*#^%$#%#refs….) This game doesn’t feature any kind of fearsome Giants linebackers, much less defense. The Saints DO have Bobby Hebert calling the color analysis on the radio, though…. Saints smoke the Giants, who let a vastly inferior Iggles team escape last week…
I'll be more thankful when my arm heals...
Last week - 8-5
Season - 81-74
Gotta Comment?
Email me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
20 November, 2011
SUSTAIN
As in the Panthers cannot.
Cam Newton may have not hit the wall...
But I have, for the day.
End of rant.
Gotta Comment?
Email me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
Cam Newton may have not hit the wall...
But I have, for the day.
End of rant.
Gotta Comment?
Email me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
17 November, 2011
THE WEEKLY HANDICAP AND OTHER CLARIVOYANCES - WEEK 11
5-11.
5 and freakin’ 11!!!
Add that on top of the fact I had to write the forecast one-handed, and the suckage we endured on Sunday, I’m pretty Cammed out right now. I’m going to sulk until I get this right. I know my Gatorade towel’s around here somewhere…
The throbbing has gone down somewhat, and I’m gonna give this another go. I apologize for the brevity, and I’m going to go for one-liners for every contest to save my arm.
NY JETS @ DENVER
Sanchez more overrated than TeBlow? Uh-unh. Jets over by -6.
TENNESSEE @ ATLANTA
Duckies got more than Titans can handle. Duckies by -6.
CINCINNATI @ BALTY-MOORE
This is where we find out about the Bengals. They cover the +7.
JACKSONVILLE @ CLEVELANDLAND
I cannot take the Browns again this season, and not in a pick-‘em. Take the Jagz.
OAKLAND @ MINI-SODA.
It’s a point, and I think the Raiders are the better team.
CAROLINA @ DETROIT
We find out if Newton’s hit the proverbial rookie wall. I say no, but Leos cover the -7.
BUFFALO @ MIAMI
Feelgood time for the 'Phish ends here. I'm on the Bills.
TAMPA BAY @ GREEN BAY
Not this week. Pack by two touches.
DALLAS @ WARSHINGTOON
‘Skins done, Cowboys not. AT LEAST a touchdown.
ARID-ZONA @ SAN FRANCISCO.
Trap game? Nope. Niners by niner.
SEATTLE @ SAD LOOEY
Seadogs better.
SAD DIEGO @ CHICAGO.
Thought I’d never say it this season, but Da Bears have gotten on a roll. Chargers fading. Bears by -3 ½.
GIANTS @ PHILTHYDELPHIA
Iggles are done, GeeeMen not. G’ints by 3 ½.
KANSAS SHITTY @ NEW ENGLANDGLAND
The Chefs have shot their wad, and return to Blowout Shitty. A two-touch yawner…
Whew! Got through that. Gotta be better than last week.
See you next week with the rant –
Last week - 5-11
Season – 73-69
Gotta Comment?
E-mail me, the Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
5 and freakin’ 11!!!
Add that on top of the fact I had to write the forecast one-handed, and the suckage we endured on Sunday, I’m pretty Cammed out right now. I’m going to sulk until I get this right. I know my Gatorade towel’s around here somewhere…
The throbbing has gone down somewhat, and I’m gonna give this another go. I apologize for the brevity, and I’m going to go for one-liners for every contest to save my arm.
NY JETS @ DENVER
Sanchez more overrated than TeBlow? Uh-unh. Jets over by -6.
TENNESSEE @ ATLANTA
Duckies got more than Titans can handle. Duckies by -6.
CINCINNATI @ BALTY-MOORE
This is where we find out about the Bengals. They cover the +7.
JACKSONVILLE @ CLEVELANDLAND
I cannot take the Browns again this season, and not in a pick-‘em. Take the Jagz.
OAKLAND @ MINI-SODA.
It’s a point, and I think the Raiders are the better team.
CAROLINA @ DETROIT
We find out if Newton’s hit the proverbial rookie wall. I say no, but Leos cover the -7.
BUFFALO @ MIAMI
Feelgood time for the 'Phish ends here. I'm on the Bills.
TAMPA BAY @ GREEN BAY
Not this week. Pack by two touches.
DALLAS @ WARSHINGTOON
‘Skins done, Cowboys not. AT LEAST a touchdown.
ARID-ZONA @ SAN FRANCISCO.
Trap game? Nope. Niners by niner.
SEATTLE @ SAD LOOEY
Seadogs better.
SAD DIEGO @ CHICAGO.
Thought I’d never say it this season, but Da Bears have gotten on a roll. Chargers fading. Bears by -3 ½.
GIANTS @ PHILTHYDELPHIA
Iggles are done, GeeeMen not. G’ints by 3 ½.
KANSAS SHITTY @ NEW ENGLANDGLAND
The Chefs have shot their wad, and return to Blowout Shitty. A two-touch yawner…
Whew! Got through that. Gotta be better than last week.
See you next week with the rant –
Last week - 5-11
Season – 73-69
Gotta Comment?
E-mail me, the Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
SUPERLATIVES
Here's the Wikkipaedia definition -
In grammar, the superlative is the form of an adjective (or adverb) that indicates that the person or thing (or action) modified has the quality of the adjective (or adverb) to a degree greater than that of anything it is being compared to in a given context. English superlatives are typically formed with the suffix -est (e.g. healthiest, weakest) or the word most (most recent, most interesting).
I struggled to find the right word to summon my feelings for last week’s abortion of a game.
I didn’t want to use an ordinary malodorous adjective – SUPERLATIVE seemed to fit my sensibilities.
Using the definition above, we can apply this to the Panthers –
The WORST special teams in the league.
The WORST run defense, possibly the WORST overall defense in the league.
The WORST possible result of bye-week production and preparation possible.
Possibly (in my opinion) the hokiest, over-produced pre-game activity I’ve seen to date, and much apologies to our veterans...
The UNFAIREST use of pyrotechnics in player introductions – EVER. Where was the smoke and fire for everyone else (not that they deserved it, after the fact…)???
The WORST game I’ve ever taken my pops to –
The WORST game we’ve had since, uh, LAST YEAR, opening up some serious malicious karma.
The WORST waste of ticket money we’ve had since, uh, LAST YEAR.
And it also applies to PantherFanz –
The BEST tailgate party, bar none.
The COOLEST Tailgate vehicle, bar none.
The BEST guests, (Joe Cahn, CatMan, Danny Morrison, Top Cats, Sir Purr VIP Tour, Canadian PantherFanz, Ravens Nest 1, The Owner, The FANBULANCE, shall I go on?)
The TASTIEST tailgate food –
The MOST scrumptious desserts – Pea Dad…
The MOST wasted I've ever seen BLu...
The MOST POTENT of tailgate elixirs – Panther Potion
The MOST CONVINCING of reasons to renew your tickets, year after year.
And, at this point, my throbbing left forearm will not let me continue. I’ve got a reason to underperform this week.
Carolina Panthers -----
Where’s YOURS!!!???
I’m out.
Gotta Comment?
E-mail me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
In grammar, the superlative is the form of an adjective (or adverb) that indicates that the person or thing (or action) modified has the quality of the adjective (or adverb) to a degree greater than that of anything it is being compared to in a given context. English superlatives are typically formed with the suffix -est (e.g. healthiest, weakest) or the word most (most recent, most interesting).
I struggled to find the right word to summon my feelings for last week’s abortion of a game.
I didn’t want to use an ordinary malodorous adjective – SUPERLATIVE seemed to fit my sensibilities.
Using the definition above, we can apply this to the Panthers –
The WORST special teams in the league.
The WORST run defense, possibly the WORST overall defense in the league.
The WORST possible result of bye-week production and preparation possible.
Possibly (in my opinion) the hokiest, over-produced pre-game activity I’ve seen to date, and much apologies to our veterans...
The UNFAIREST use of pyrotechnics in player introductions – EVER. Where was the smoke and fire for everyone else (not that they deserved it, after the fact…)???
The WORST game I’ve ever taken my pops to –
The WORST game we’ve had since, uh, LAST YEAR, opening up some serious malicious karma.
The WORST waste of ticket money we’ve had since, uh, LAST YEAR.
And it also applies to PantherFanz –
The BEST tailgate party, bar none.
The COOLEST Tailgate vehicle, bar none.
The BEST guests, (Joe Cahn, CatMan, Danny Morrison, Top Cats, Sir Purr VIP Tour, Canadian PantherFanz, Ravens Nest 1, The Owner, The FANBULANCE, shall I go on?)
The TASTIEST tailgate food –
The MOST scrumptious desserts – Pea Dad…
The MOST wasted I've ever seen BLu...
The MOST POTENT of tailgate elixirs – Panther Potion
The MOST CONVINCING of reasons to renew your tickets, year after year.
And, at this point, my throbbing left forearm will not let me continue. I’ve got a reason to underperform this week.
Carolina Panthers -----
Where’s YOURS!!!???
I’m out.
Gotta Comment?
E-mail me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
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