September 7th, 2008
I know that Brain said if I said “Foxball” one more time, he’d give me a five-minute time out-
Go for it, lover boy!!!
If you’re like me, many of you PantherFanz are just giddy with what we’ve just seen. Let me temper y’all. This is one game. Remember 2001? Going up to the Mighty Metrodome and seeing Stinky Weinke and that little runt Steve Smith rough up the Vikings? Remember what happened next?
Uh huh.
This, I promise you, is NOT 2001.
What we’ve seen today is the template for the rest of the year. Just as I had described it in a blog last winter. We have seen Foxball played today, while not to perfection, we have seen it played good enough to win- in a hostile stadium against one of the NFL’s supposed “Power Teams”. What is Foxball, for those of you who’ve not kept up? It’s a power running game, with a bruising offensive line, with bruising running backs, with little chances being taken in the passing game. In the John Fox football world, a PUNT is “not a bad play” and you take the three points when you get the chance. Hence, the 9-7 lead at the half. I know lots of fans would take disdain at the fact we weren’t able to punch it into the endzone. But friends, look at the numbers- we had OUTGAINED the Bolts two-to-one offensively, particularly on the ground, where the Bolts supposedly excel. We controlled the line of scrimmage and time of possession. Most importantly, Jake wasn’t TOUCHED until the third quarter. Since field position was also well in our favour (thanks Rhys Lloyd and running game!!) the defense could play their kind of game, and keep that powerful offense in check and on the ropes.
Speaking of “on the ropes” I couldn’t help but think of Muhammad Ali and his- Rope-a-Dope fighting style, and how it related to Foxball. Gettin’ the defense set up- for the knockout. While it didn’t quite happen to the Chargers, they were still plenty gassed by the time Jake engaged his end-of-game heroics. While Foxball is not for everyone, and it certainly doesn’t sell tickets- it does tend to win championships. It did for the Giants, and it did for us, when we had the personnel. We have the personnel NOW. And oh, there’s a time when Foxball doesn’t work. The last two minutes of a half, or a game. That’s when you need a ballsy gunslinger of a quarterback, kinda like Brett Favre. Oh, yeahhhhhhhh- We got that. But he needs a target he has confidence in. Like Steve Smi- uh oh. Like Mushin Muh- uh oh. Dante WHO? Uh, yeah, we got that. Tomorrow morning, look at the box score and see who caught the ball for our Cats. DJ Hackett? Never saw preseason or practice? No problem. DeWayne Jarrett looked like the possession receiver we drafted him to be. Moose made some clutch catches, but we are seeing the emergence of an offensive weapon that will make the running game even more effective, and one particular little dude that wears 89 a death blow to defenses later on in the season. Welcome back, Tight end, to the Carolina Panthers offensive game plan. When Foxball is REALLY working to it’s intended result, the second half will be the part of the game when the opponent will have to choose their style of death- Will they want to be bludgeoned by Williams and
Stewart, or carved up into little pieces by 89, Moose, Hackett, Jarrett, and especially now, Dante Rosario? Again, how are defenses going to game plan for us WHEN STEVE SMITH COMES BACK!!?? The prospects are absolutely intoxicating to contemplate.
How many times have we watched a big game we had in the bag, only to have a big-name QB snatch the victory away from us with those late game heroics? How many times have we watched in angst, either when we were playing or some other teams, and thought, Why not US!!!??? Why can’t WE have a Brett Favre or Tommy Brady or Joe Montana throw that heroic last second touchdown pass? Why can’t WE feel what it feels like?
Today, it WAS OUR turn. And OHHHHHHHHHHHH how sweet that felt!
So, season opener, in the bag. A big win, of course, but it’s not a division game. Gets us noticed, but don’t think the Saints, Bucs and Duckies are afraid of us now.
But they need to be.
As I type this, the very balance of power is shifting in the NFL- The Mighty Indianapolis Colts are being throttled at home, by the “lowly” Chicago Bears, who by the way, we host next Sunday. Tom Brady is OUT for the season. Forgive me if I shed tears of sympathy for the Pastry-Rots! Cleveland laid an egg at home, just as I thought they would. The SeaDogs got blasted by Bufflamago. It’s OUR TIME, Fanz! And Foxball will take us there, whether you like the style or not.
Oh, and welcome back, Dano. I know you enjoyed that trip out to Sad Diego.
Gotta Comment?
Email me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
07 September, 2008
03 September, 2008
GREAT ANTICIPATION, GREAT PROGNOSTICATION
September 3rd, 2008
Well, the NFL season starts tomorrow, and MOST every fan around the league can make about as solid a case as anyone else as to why their team has a chance to make the playoffs (PLAYOFFS!!??? DON’T TALK ABOUT PLAYOFFS!!??). Especially PantherFanZ- How can I say that? Let’s take a hard, honest look as to why, the Carolina PantherZ, have an especially good chance, given what we’ve seen in the offseason, the preseason, and what’s ahead…
1- Offensive Personnel. The O line has been significantly upgraded. The success of the running game is evident. We now have the huge corn-fed hunks of beef to do that. Jake Delhomme’s arm is better than ever, and the receiving corps has been upgraded. The return of Moose is a boon in ways tangible and intangible. The tight end duo of Jeff King and Dante Rosario is something we haven’t had since the days of Wesley Walls, when the tight end played an important part in our offensive game plan. And being without Smitty for the first two games this season, that will be critical! And speaking of running game, Williams and Stewart will certainly be that two headed attack that will keep the pass rush off of Jake, the chains moving, and larger numbers in the “W” column.
2- Defensive Personnel. The dead wood in the “D” has been clipped out. We now have a younger, improved front 4 with a rejuvenated Julius Peppers, and they are no longer the focal point of the defense. The LINEBACKERS, eight deep with great talent and playmaking ability from EVERY ONE, will lead this defense. Our defensive secondary got a great player in the draft of Charles Godfrey, and an incredible nickel player in Richard Marshall. A maximum of THREE LOUSY POINTS were all starting offenses could muster on our starters in the preseason this year. These guys are going to make us forget the dismal days of last season, for sure.
3- Special Teams. Rhys Lloyd is a good start. You can’t say enough about the ability to root kickoffs deep into the endzone. Starting a defensive series on the 20 or even further back is critical to success. The coaching staff made sure to keep players on the roster that will certainly be big contributors in return coverage. Keep your eye out on Hillee Taylor, that Tar Heel Terminator on the coverage teams. Even if we don’t have a home run hitter on ball return, teams won’t be starting their offensive series in optimal field position. Jason Baker continues to boom punts. That’s important, since Foxy seems to think a punt is not a bad play.
4- Schedule. Only four teams the PuddyCatZ play this year went to the playoffs last year. Tampa, oh yeah, that juggernaut that went 9-7 and looked awful losing to the G’ints, who are, oh yeah the SuperBowl winners, who we will also play. And there’s the Favreless Packers, who are certain to be hamstrung without him. We open with the Chargers, which will be our toughest game of the year. After that, there is no one on the schedule we cannot beat. No one. The Saints will be a decent opponent, but still quite beatable.
5- The Cedar Street Seer says so.
I realize I made a similar rant two weeks ago, but I just gotta start the season by re-empahsizing what I think is so right about this year's team. I will probably continue to point out how much better at every phase of the game we are from last year, just 'cause. We need to. Part of getting the stink out.
So, Crazy Joe-
What do you say about the final record, huh? Ok, this is official. Who do we lose to this year? The Chargers. The Vikings. The Saints, once, The Bucs, once, and one more to a team we shouldn’t lose to, like we did to the Texans in our SuperBowl year. That’s five losses. 11-5, and winning the division. Howzat? So how will that compare with the rest of the league? I don’t even need to put on my Tarnak hat, I can see quite clearly into the future. That’s why Marc called me The Cedar Street Seer.
Let’s start with the leagues answer to the SEC- The American Football Conference.
In the AFC East, one would jump on the New EnglandLand Pastry-Rots right away, but there’s some age on this team, particularly on the defense. Tommy Brady is dealing with foot injuries, and something tells me these guys are going to be in quite the fight from the rest of the division. Hell, even Tuna’s Miami Dull-phins won’t be so dull. I’m going out on a limb. NewEngland misses the playoffs this year. The Brett Favre-led J*E*T*S JETS JETS JETS will win this division, by a whisker over the Pastry-Rots. The Buffalo Bills will push hard, but don’t have enough offense to challenge, although scoring on them will be tough.
The AFC South is the crucible of the conference. One could make a case for all four teams having what it takes to make the playoffs. (PLAYOFFS!!!??? DON’T TALK ABOUT PLAYOFFS!!??) Even with Peyton Manning a little shaky from offseason surgery, the Colts are still solid. The Jacksonville Jag-you-wyres are every bit as solid. The Texans are MUCH improved, and while Tennessee is behind the other three offensively, they have a withering defense. The wildcards come from this division. I’m gonna call Indy the champs, Jacksonville and HOUSTON, yes HOUSTON, making the cut as wild cards.
The AFC North is tough, but not that tough. Piss-burgh is still the class of the division. Far and above the other three. The Ravens will play great defense, but will start rookie Joey Flacco at QB. Tsk Tsk Tsk. I’m not drinkin’ Cleveland’s kool-aid this year. The Bungles are a mess.
How far the AFC West has fallen. Once upon a time, this was the center of NFL power. Now, the Chargers are the only team that scares anyone, and their halcyon days are coming to an end. Remember how LaDamian sulked in the playoff game last year? Phillip Rivers still hasn’t shown me he’s all that. The Chefs are in total rebuilding mode, Al Davis still handles the Ray-durrs, should I say anymore? The Broncoids don’t scare anyone.
Now, for OUR conference, the ACC of the league-
The NFC East is still the toughest division in the conference. Make no mistake, the Dallas Cowgirrls are for real. Solid team, down the board. So are the Philadelphia Eagles. While Donavan McSnabb is the pro’s pro at QB, the prospect of seeing Kevin Kolb fling the biscuit for the Boids is quite intriquing. I think the Noo Yawk G’ints fought really hard to make and get through the playoffs last year. I have this weird feeling they are going to have a hard time getting back, especially losing the heart of their defense in Usaymoria and Strahan. The Warshington Deadskins have been exposed. They are going to need some work. One of the wildcards comes from this division. The Fleagles. The Cowpatties win it.
The NFC North has fallen on cold, cold times. The Green Bay Packers have lost a lot in Brett Favre. I’m sure Aaron Rogers can play, but that’s quite a drop off. Will the team play for him? It remains to be seen. The defense is solid, but someone’s gotta lead the offense down that tundra when points are vital. The Vikings have Peterson, a decent defense, and could challenge the Packers’ long hold on the division. The Lions are a perpetual rebuilding project, and the Bears are old, still fielding an offensive offense that scares no one. I say Minney-soda wins this one.
The NFC West is weak, weak, weak. The Seattle SeaDogs are the class of the division, but hey, look out! Guess who will be coming on? Yep, that favorite of bandwagoners everywhere, the SadFradCisco Phoney-Niners have sucked long enough. They will actually be competitive this year, which you will not be able to say about the Cardy-noles or Saint Looey Lambs.
And the South? Home sweet Home? OUR division, baby. We win this thing, but not without a challenge from The Saints, who have the offense to score on practically anyone. Even us. They will win the wildcard. The Bucs have too many holes, and don’t underestimate the mind-screw applied to Jeff Garcia in the bungled Favre-get. The Duckies are years away from being any good.
So how do the playoffs shake out? In the AFC, Pissburgh oils the Texans, Jacksonville shocks the Chargers. The Jets and Favre gun down the Squealers, and Indy busts the Jag-you-wyres. Manning takes Brett and they go for one more for Tony D. In the NFC, The Saints sink the Vikings, The Boids pluck the other Boids from Seattle. The Cowpatties overcome a tremendous scorefest with the Saints, and OUR CAROLINA PANTHERS down the Fleagles. And revenge, sweet revenge, as our regular season futility with those f***ers from Dallas continues to parlay in playoff superiority as we go on to meet The Colts.
And lose. ***SIGH***
Sucks being the Seer sometimes.
But if I’m right, and I guarantee I’m 80% on with these picks, it will be a GREAT SEASON!
HERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRE WE GO! BRING ON THE SEASON!!!
Gotta Comment?
Email me, The Cedar Street SeerCaptnTee@aol.com
Well, the NFL season starts tomorrow, and MOST every fan around the league can make about as solid a case as anyone else as to why their team has a chance to make the playoffs (PLAYOFFS!!??? DON’T TALK ABOUT PLAYOFFS!!??). Especially PantherFanZ- How can I say that? Let’s take a hard, honest look as to why, the Carolina PantherZ, have an especially good chance, given what we’ve seen in the offseason, the preseason, and what’s ahead…
1- Offensive Personnel. The O line has been significantly upgraded. The success of the running game is evident. We now have the huge corn-fed hunks of beef to do that. Jake Delhomme’s arm is better than ever, and the receiving corps has been upgraded. The return of Moose is a boon in ways tangible and intangible. The tight end duo of Jeff King and Dante Rosario is something we haven’t had since the days of Wesley Walls, when the tight end played an important part in our offensive game plan. And being without Smitty for the first two games this season, that will be critical! And speaking of running game, Williams and Stewart will certainly be that two headed attack that will keep the pass rush off of Jake, the chains moving, and larger numbers in the “W” column.
2- Defensive Personnel. The dead wood in the “D” has been clipped out. We now have a younger, improved front 4 with a rejuvenated Julius Peppers, and they are no longer the focal point of the defense. The LINEBACKERS, eight deep with great talent and playmaking ability from EVERY ONE, will lead this defense. Our defensive secondary got a great player in the draft of Charles Godfrey, and an incredible nickel player in Richard Marshall. A maximum of THREE LOUSY POINTS were all starting offenses could muster on our starters in the preseason this year. These guys are going to make us forget the dismal days of last season, for sure.
3- Special Teams. Rhys Lloyd is a good start. You can’t say enough about the ability to root kickoffs deep into the endzone. Starting a defensive series on the 20 or even further back is critical to success. The coaching staff made sure to keep players on the roster that will certainly be big contributors in return coverage. Keep your eye out on Hillee Taylor, that Tar Heel Terminator on the coverage teams. Even if we don’t have a home run hitter on ball return, teams won’t be starting their offensive series in optimal field position. Jason Baker continues to boom punts. That’s important, since Foxy seems to think a punt is not a bad play.
4- Schedule. Only four teams the PuddyCatZ play this year went to the playoffs last year. Tampa, oh yeah, that juggernaut that went 9-7 and looked awful losing to the G’ints, who are, oh yeah the SuperBowl winners, who we will also play. And there’s the Favreless Packers, who are certain to be hamstrung without him. We open with the Chargers, which will be our toughest game of the year. After that, there is no one on the schedule we cannot beat. No one. The Saints will be a decent opponent, but still quite beatable.
5- The Cedar Street Seer says so.
I realize I made a similar rant two weeks ago, but I just gotta start the season by re-empahsizing what I think is so right about this year's team. I will probably continue to point out how much better at every phase of the game we are from last year, just 'cause. We need to. Part of getting the stink out.
So, Crazy Joe-
What do you say about the final record, huh? Ok, this is official. Who do we lose to this year? The Chargers. The Vikings. The Saints, once, The Bucs, once, and one more to a team we shouldn’t lose to, like we did to the Texans in our SuperBowl year. That’s five losses. 11-5, and winning the division. Howzat? So how will that compare with the rest of the league? I don’t even need to put on my Tarnak hat, I can see quite clearly into the future. That’s why Marc called me The Cedar Street Seer.
Let’s start with the leagues answer to the SEC- The American Football Conference.
In the AFC East, one would jump on the New EnglandLand Pastry-Rots right away, but there’s some age on this team, particularly on the defense. Tommy Brady is dealing with foot injuries, and something tells me these guys are going to be in quite the fight from the rest of the division. Hell, even Tuna’s Miami Dull-phins won’t be so dull. I’m going out on a limb. NewEngland misses the playoffs this year. The Brett Favre-led J*E*T*S JETS JETS JETS will win this division, by a whisker over the Pastry-Rots. The Buffalo Bills will push hard, but don’t have enough offense to challenge, although scoring on them will be tough.
The AFC South is the crucible of the conference. One could make a case for all four teams having what it takes to make the playoffs. (PLAYOFFS!!!??? DON’T TALK ABOUT PLAYOFFS!!??) Even with Peyton Manning a little shaky from offseason surgery, the Colts are still solid. The Jacksonville Jag-you-wyres are every bit as solid. The Texans are MUCH improved, and while Tennessee is behind the other three offensively, they have a withering defense. The wildcards come from this division. I’m gonna call Indy the champs, Jacksonville and HOUSTON, yes HOUSTON, making the cut as wild cards.
The AFC North is tough, but not that tough. Piss-burgh is still the class of the division. Far and above the other three. The Ravens will play great defense, but will start rookie Joey Flacco at QB. Tsk Tsk Tsk. I’m not drinkin’ Cleveland’s kool-aid this year. The Bungles are a mess.
How far the AFC West has fallen. Once upon a time, this was the center of NFL power. Now, the Chargers are the only team that scares anyone, and their halcyon days are coming to an end. Remember how LaDamian sulked in the playoff game last year? Phillip Rivers still hasn’t shown me he’s all that. The Chefs are in total rebuilding mode, Al Davis still handles the Ray-durrs, should I say anymore? The Broncoids don’t scare anyone.
Now, for OUR conference, the ACC of the league-
The NFC East is still the toughest division in the conference. Make no mistake, the Dallas Cowgirrls are for real. Solid team, down the board. So are the Philadelphia Eagles. While Donavan McSnabb is the pro’s pro at QB, the prospect of seeing Kevin Kolb fling the biscuit for the Boids is quite intriquing. I think the Noo Yawk G’ints fought really hard to make and get through the playoffs last year. I have this weird feeling they are going to have a hard time getting back, especially losing the heart of their defense in Usaymoria and Strahan. The Warshington Deadskins have been exposed. They are going to need some work. One of the wildcards comes from this division. The Fleagles. The Cowpatties win it.
The NFC North has fallen on cold, cold times. The Green Bay Packers have lost a lot in Brett Favre. I’m sure Aaron Rogers can play, but that’s quite a drop off. Will the team play for him? It remains to be seen. The defense is solid, but someone’s gotta lead the offense down that tundra when points are vital. The Vikings have Peterson, a decent defense, and could challenge the Packers’ long hold on the division. The Lions are a perpetual rebuilding project, and the Bears are old, still fielding an offensive offense that scares no one. I say Minney-soda wins this one.
The NFC West is weak, weak, weak. The Seattle SeaDogs are the class of the division, but hey, look out! Guess who will be coming on? Yep, that favorite of bandwagoners everywhere, the SadFradCisco Phoney-Niners have sucked long enough. They will actually be competitive this year, which you will not be able to say about the Cardy-noles or Saint Looey Lambs.
And the South? Home sweet Home? OUR division, baby. We win this thing, but not without a challenge from The Saints, who have the offense to score on practically anyone. Even us. They will win the wildcard. The Bucs have too many holes, and don’t underestimate the mind-screw applied to Jeff Garcia in the bungled Favre-get. The Duckies are years away from being any good.
So how do the playoffs shake out? In the AFC, Pissburgh oils the Texans, Jacksonville shocks the Chargers. The Jets and Favre gun down the Squealers, and Indy busts the Jag-you-wyres. Manning takes Brett and they go for one more for Tony D. In the NFC, The Saints sink the Vikings, The Boids pluck the other Boids from Seattle. The Cowpatties overcome a tremendous scorefest with the Saints, and OUR CAROLINA PANTHERS down the Fleagles. And revenge, sweet revenge, as our regular season futility with those f***ers from Dallas continues to parlay in playoff superiority as we go on to meet The Colts.
And lose. ***SIGH***
Sucks being the Seer sometimes.
But if I’m right, and I guarantee I’m 80% on with these picks, it will be a GREAT SEASON!
HERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRE WE GO! BRING ON THE SEASON!!!
Gotta Comment?
Email me, The Cedar Street SeerCaptnTee@aol.com
24 August, 2008
GREAT KARMA, STRANGE EMOTIONS
August 24 2008
Well, I’m pondering what I just saw in the House the PSL and Uncle Jerry built- You all saw it, you may have been wild with ecstasy like me, at least at first. The stats we’re all familiar with by now, the voices on WFNZ will no doubt go over them ad nauseum, at least until our even more meaningless tilt with the PissBurgh Squealers this Thursday. To really appreciate what happened last night; let’s take a quick look back at what we’ve ENDURED from the team thus far.
Must we, Crazy Joe?
Oh, we must, we must.
We’ve seen a largely uninspired performance from an overrated team for the past two years now, endured the brief disaster that was Dinky Carr and the heroic but futile effort from Vinnie Testosterone. Steve Smith and little else. An over heralded and over the hill defense that stops NOONE.
A maddening inability to get off the field on third down, and a wretchedly disappointing failure to get one yard when we needed it. An absolute home field DISadvantage when the visiting fans had control of the stadium. All of which drove me to protest with my spirit and lack of passion, as all of you remember from last year, when I just couldn’t take it anymore. If you remember my past rants toward the end of the season, I had given up all hope. But Matt Moore, the offseason purge, and the draft really started to give me a little confidence. Then it grew. And I gave the bold prediction four months ago –
The Carolina Panthers would not suck in ’08.
Boy, when I’m right, I’m right.
Yes, last night was PRESEASON and does not count, and I really shouldn’t belabor that point with you, the readers, because you’re intelligent enuff to recognize that. But the WAY we won that game, the MOST IMPORTANT GAME of the preseason, is the beginning of what is hopefully the wondrous detergent that begins to wash the stink of the past two seasons off of our merry Cedar Street lot, the most precious of tailgating real estate in PantherLand, in my opinion. If the first half of each of the three preseason games is an indication of what’s to come for the season, this is what’s for certain, and you don’t need the Cedar Street Seer to show it to you- But I’ll take the space on The Blogosphere to do it, just cause I’m that kinda guy.
The Panthers defense will DOMINATE. The rehaul of the defensive line and the switching of Peppers will give offensive coordinators a few sleepless nights planning to play Apocalypse Meow. Backing the line rotation is a fortuitously DEEP and talented linebacking corps- and a very solid secondary. I’m particularly pleased with the consistent hustle from Richard Marshall, who by the way, makes special teams a little less UNspecial this year. Look at what the mighty first string offenses of Indianapolis, Philadelphia, and Warshington did against the defense- UhUh. Not much. Although Donovan McSnabb flung the biscuit against us in that slopfest two weeks ago, he couldn’t punch it in.
The running game will be the weapon of choice for Jeff Davidson. Between the yawner in Philly and the track meet at home last night, is the reality of the running game for us this year, which will be FoxBall at its most basic, lots of fundamental with little flash. This new beefy O Line is the real deal, and is the ideal situation for Williams and Stewart. Question is, Remainder of the NFL-
How do you want to get beat by us? By bludgeon, as Jonathan Stewart busts the tackles, or by stiletto, as DeAngelo Willams slices and dices the secondary as the line opens gaping holes? And if you’re an opponent playing to stop the run, which I’m sure SOME teams are going to have temporary success doing, there’s this little dude wearing the 89 jersey who will be ITCHING to play come Week 3, and his big buddy number 87. The improvement of Dewayne Jarrett is exponential. Jason Carter is CERTAINLY a step up from DREW Carter (who by the way has torn up his knee with the Raiders-season over for him). The tight ends are solid too- I really like the tandem of Rosario and King, and gives Jake additional dependable receivers where before a shutdown of Smith meant no play, or worse.
The special teams will no longer be the abortion we endured last year. Rhys Lloyd will make sure we have more touchbacks, and Richard Marshall and Dan Conner will be those headhunters we need on the returns.
Which brings me back to the game just played. After jumping around like a crazed primate in the first half, leading the “C-A-T-S” cheer FOUR TIMES in my section, I felt a little odd by the second half. I guess, first of all, my beer buzz had worn off, and I’m hesitant to fill my body with seven-dollar beers. Strange emotions began to flood me. My demeanor came full circle, from the sit-on-my-ass detachment from last year, to the wild exultation of the scorefest, to the quiet satisfaction of silencing the DeadSkins fans, and again, sitting dispassionately in my seat. But this was a DIFFERENT dispassion – I was trying to comprehend what I was seeing - How unusual was this? For once, a stadium that was AT LEAST 25% Redskin fans was muted for the visitors. I tried to remember when we had put 40+ points on ANYONE, let alone the preseason! Another strange thought came to me-
I thought of a boy or a girl, in some ravaged, destitute, famine stricken Third World country, sitting with thousands of other suffering children in some squalid refugee camp. Upon receiving an Operation Christmas Child box, proudly opening up the box, selecting ONE goodie, they return the box to the giver, not at all perceiving the WHOLE BOX was for him/her! And how overwhelmed with joy and gratitude when they learn that INDEED, the entire box is for THEM ALONE-
All those points for us? The Ragged Panthers, lords of the Pasture of Disasture? Is this victory, over the much - heralded WarshingToon FredSkins really for us? In some kind of cruel cosmic joke, did some other team fill our uniforms and fool us into thinking we were had superior playing ability after all? Some of us in the section were hoping we could stash twenty points or so in some metaphysical “Points Bank” to use when we invariably have trouble dispatching the F***ING DUCKIES or some other NFL bottom feeder we are to play this year. Kathie, my wife, offered to pinch me as we walked out of the stadium, as I sarcastically sang “Hail to the Redskins” as for once, the visiting fans left with the lousy taste of a wretched performance, and dominating ASSWHOOPIN was put on-
BY US.
And as I stated in April, who is coming to the stadium that fills the stands with fans of the visitor? I’m actually kind of sorry at the prospect. If we play the kind of football I think we are going to play, I sure would love to rub it in to those Cowgirl, Squealer and Packer fans who’ve never seen Wisconsin, Texas or Western Pennsylvania.
As for the Packers and CowPatties, that’s the playoffs for you- IF you make it that far. The Packers, probably not.
Squealers?
That’s Tampa.
And while that’s an NFL eternity down the road, our preseason performance can’t help but excite us at the prospect, and now, seems a little more realistic.
I’m drinkin’ the Kool-Aid, FANZ! I believe in this year’s Carolina Panthers! Bring on the Sad Diego Chargers!
Gotta Comment?
E- mail me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
Well, I’m pondering what I just saw in the House the PSL and Uncle Jerry built- You all saw it, you may have been wild with ecstasy like me, at least at first. The stats we’re all familiar with by now, the voices on WFNZ will no doubt go over them ad nauseum, at least until our even more meaningless tilt with the PissBurgh Squealers this Thursday. To really appreciate what happened last night; let’s take a quick look back at what we’ve ENDURED from the team thus far.
Must we, Crazy Joe?
Oh, we must, we must.
We’ve seen a largely uninspired performance from an overrated team for the past two years now, endured the brief disaster that was Dinky Carr and the heroic but futile effort from Vinnie Testosterone. Steve Smith and little else. An over heralded and over the hill defense that stops NOONE.
A maddening inability to get off the field on third down, and a wretchedly disappointing failure to get one yard when we needed it. An absolute home field DISadvantage when the visiting fans had control of the stadium. All of which drove me to protest with my spirit and lack of passion, as all of you remember from last year, when I just couldn’t take it anymore. If you remember my past rants toward the end of the season, I had given up all hope. But Matt Moore, the offseason purge, and the draft really started to give me a little confidence. Then it grew. And I gave the bold prediction four months ago –
The Carolina Panthers would not suck in ’08.
Boy, when I’m right, I’m right.
Yes, last night was PRESEASON and does not count, and I really shouldn’t belabor that point with you, the readers, because you’re intelligent enuff to recognize that. But the WAY we won that game, the MOST IMPORTANT GAME of the preseason, is the beginning of what is hopefully the wondrous detergent that begins to wash the stink of the past two seasons off of our merry Cedar Street lot, the most precious of tailgating real estate in PantherLand, in my opinion. If the first half of each of the three preseason games is an indication of what’s to come for the season, this is what’s for certain, and you don’t need the Cedar Street Seer to show it to you- But I’ll take the space on The Blogosphere to do it, just cause I’m that kinda guy.
The Panthers defense will DOMINATE. The rehaul of the defensive line and the switching of Peppers will give offensive coordinators a few sleepless nights planning to play Apocalypse Meow. Backing the line rotation is a fortuitously DEEP and talented linebacking corps- and a very solid secondary. I’m particularly pleased with the consistent hustle from Richard Marshall, who by the way, makes special teams a little less UNspecial this year. Look at what the mighty first string offenses of Indianapolis, Philadelphia, and Warshington did against the defense- UhUh. Not much. Although Donovan McSnabb flung the biscuit against us in that slopfest two weeks ago, he couldn’t punch it in.
The running game will be the weapon of choice for Jeff Davidson. Between the yawner in Philly and the track meet at home last night, is the reality of the running game for us this year, which will be FoxBall at its most basic, lots of fundamental with little flash. This new beefy O Line is the real deal, and is the ideal situation for Williams and Stewart. Question is, Remainder of the NFL-
How do you want to get beat by us? By bludgeon, as Jonathan Stewart busts the tackles, or by stiletto, as DeAngelo Willams slices and dices the secondary as the line opens gaping holes? And if you’re an opponent playing to stop the run, which I’m sure SOME teams are going to have temporary success doing, there’s this little dude wearing the 89 jersey who will be ITCHING to play come Week 3, and his big buddy number 87. The improvement of Dewayne Jarrett is exponential. Jason Carter is CERTAINLY a step up from DREW Carter (who by the way has torn up his knee with the Raiders-season over for him). The tight ends are solid too- I really like the tandem of Rosario and King, and gives Jake additional dependable receivers where before a shutdown of Smith meant no play, or worse.
The special teams will no longer be the abortion we endured last year. Rhys Lloyd will make sure we have more touchbacks, and Richard Marshall and Dan Conner will be those headhunters we need on the returns.
Which brings me back to the game just played. After jumping around like a crazed primate in the first half, leading the “C-A-T-S” cheer FOUR TIMES in my section, I felt a little odd by the second half. I guess, first of all, my beer buzz had worn off, and I’m hesitant to fill my body with seven-dollar beers. Strange emotions began to flood me. My demeanor came full circle, from the sit-on-my-ass detachment from last year, to the wild exultation of the scorefest, to the quiet satisfaction of silencing the DeadSkins fans, and again, sitting dispassionately in my seat. But this was a DIFFERENT dispassion – I was trying to comprehend what I was seeing - How unusual was this? For once, a stadium that was AT LEAST 25% Redskin fans was muted for the visitors. I tried to remember when we had put 40+ points on ANYONE, let alone the preseason! Another strange thought came to me-
I thought of a boy or a girl, in some ravaged, destitute, famine stricken Third World country, sitting with thousands of other suffering children in some squalid refugee camp. Upon receiving an Operation Christmas Child box, proudly opening up the box, selecting ONE goodie, they return the box to the giver, not at all perceiving the WHOLE BOX was for him/her! And how overwhelmed with joy and gratitude when they learn that INDEED, the entire box is for THEM ALONE-
All those points for us? The Ragged Panthers, lords of the Pasture of Disasture? Is this victory, over the much - heralded WarshingToon FredSkins really for us? In some kind of cruel cosmic joke, did some other team fill our uniforms and fool us into thinking we were had superior playing ability after all? Some of us in the section were hoping we could stash twenty points or so in some metaphysical “Points Bank” to use when we invariably have trouble dispatching the F***ING DUCKIES or some other NFL bottom feeder we are to play this year. Kathie, my wife, offered to pinch me as we walked out of the stadium, as I sarcastically sang “Hail to the Redskins” as for once, the visiting fans left with the lousy taste of a wretched performance, and dominating ASSWHOOPIN was put on-
BY US.
And as I stated in April, who is coming to the stadium that fills the stands with fans of the visitor? I’m actually kind of sorry at the prospect. If we play the kind of football I think we are going to play, I sure would love to rub it in to those Cowgirl, Squealer and Packer fans who’ve never seen Wisconsin, Texas or Western Pennsylvania.
As for the Packers and CowPatties, that’s the playoffs for you- IF you make it that far. The Packers, probably not.
Squealers?
That’s Tampa.
And while that’s an NFL eternity down the road, our preseason performance can’t help but excite us at the prospect, and now, seems a little more realistic.
I’m drinkin’ the Kool-Aid, FANZ! I believe in this year’s Carolina Panthers! Bring on the Sad Diego Chargers!
Gotta Comment?
E- mail me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
17 April, 2008
OFFSEASON RANT, pt. 1
April 15, 2008
Well, Fanz, it’s not lost on me it’s Tax Return Deadline day. Having taken care of that chore months ago, I won’t rub it in. But just this once-
NYAHHH NYAHHH NYAHHH!
Ok, I’m done. I got my bill for my season tickets last month. For the first time since I’ve been a fan, I’ve shuddered at the cost. For TWO seats, lower level, diagonal to the endzone, I am paying close to TWO GRAND! For EIGHT REGULAR SEASON GAMES- I’m not even COUNTING Pre-Season! After the largely forgettable season this year, it’s like your freshly-exed girlfriend insulting your gland size as she struts out the door. Ohhh, the pain. And James tells us that parking is going up too, but that’s not so bad, because WE control what happens in the lot. And that, my friends, is something to treasure and appreciate.
I also got the new schedule in the e-mail today, and looking at it got me thinkin’. I’m now recovered from my NCAA swoon, and because I just can’t get excited about the NBA or NHL, I’m letting myself get a little fired up about football. Oh, Baseball and NASCAR’s great, but there’s LOTS of racin’ and runnin’ left in these young seasons.
For those of you who are NOT PSL owners, and don’t have advance of the schedule, or have’nt commited it to memory, here’s what it looks like, REGULAR SEASON-
September 7th. 4.15 kickoff- @Sad Diego Chargers
A possibly overrated AFC team with some pretty potent weapons exposed during last year’s playoffs. Winnable, but I’m budgeting a loss for this one.
September 14th, 1.00 kickoff- Da Chicaaagooo Beayahhhhs.
An aging team, especially defensively, that’s on a downward trend. A very winnable home opener. PantherFanz party and get happy.
September 21st, 1.00 kickoff- @Minnesota Vikings
An NFC team on the rise with a flashy running back and a nice crop of draftees and free agents. An “L” for the Puddycats.
September 28th, 1.00 kickoff- THE…………ATLANTA………FUCKLONS……
Those HATED DUCKIES come into our house once again. There is no freakin’ way, no way, no how, that we can lose to these slackers. AGAIN. If we do, Foxy should be watching his back from this point on.
October 5th, 1.00 kickoff Kansas City Chefs
PantherFanZ will indeed be the Chefs for the Chefs, cooking up a nice win for the home crowd. The Chiefs are in sad shape, worse than us. This should be a happy day for the Fanz and the team.
October 12th, 1.00 kickoff @Tampa Bay Buck-an-Ears.
Rivalry renewed. Probably our most evenly matched opponent in the division. It’s been fun, and I’m anticipating more of the same this year. Possibly a split this year.
October 19th, 1.00 kickoff N’awlins sAINT’s
A health DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOce McCallister makes a difference on this team, but a perennially shell-shocked Danielle Morgan does not. Possibly a splitszky here, too, but I’m thinkin’ sweep. By us.
October 26th 1.00 kickoff Arizona Cardy-Noles
We close out the season with the perennial underachievers. Note that I show off my totally unprofessional attention to writing detail by using the word “Perennial” and it’s derivative in consecutive paragraphs.
And, precisely in the middle of the season, a bye. Eight games played, five home games. We should be no worse than 5-3 at that point, and solidly in front of our division . So what would the second half, heavy with road games, hold for our Carolina Panthers? My clairvoyance gland is telling me some early tales…. Read on, reader….
November 9th, 4.05 kickoff @ crOakland Ray-durrs
The Ray-durrs are a disappointing, underachieving, mismanaged bunch, and I don’t see any reason for RaiderNation to rejoice this year. PantherNation, on the other hand, starts the second half with a “W”.
November 16th. 1.00 kickoff Dee-troit Lions
Another underachieving mismanaged bunch we arrta clobber at home.
November 23rd, 1.00 kickoff @Fucklons, part II
We should shut up all 25,000 so called Falcon fans in attendance with their Vick jerseys on early. Another “W”.
November 30th, 1.00 kickoff @Green Bay Packers
The Tundra. The field. The fans. Brett Farve- oops, no Farve. What a difference ONE player makes. By this time, The Packers have found out what he meant to the team. Could Apocalypse Meow actually be 9-3 after this game? Just as Tiger Woods said to an interviewer at last week’s Masters concerning a “grand slam”…
“It’s reasonable to think so”…. Of course, Tiger went gaspipe to Immelman on Sunday…
December 8th, 8.30 kickoff MONDAY NIGHTA!!! Tampa Bay Bucks!
Our lone night game (so far, per NFL new end-of-season scheduling) and we’ll be loud, and ready. A great day to tailgate in the Queen City, especially if you’re lucky enuff to have a spot in the Cedar Street lot.
December 14th, 1.00 kickoff Denver Broncoids
Ok, Monday night hangover? The Broncoids? Not likely. Shanahan and his team are on a continuing downward spiral, the now mighty Panthers have another home victory.
December 21st, 1.00 kickoff @NooYawk Giants, Sooper Bowl Chumps
At this time of year, if the Giants haven’t wrapped up their tough division, it’s possible the Famous Super Bowl Swoon will have affected them and won’t even be fighting for their playoff lives. A game for pride, and we’ll be due. An “L”.
December 28th, 1.00 kickoff @ N’awlin’s Saints
We close out the season on the road to the friendly confines of the Sooperdome, and we will NOT finish the season on a losing note, not to these guys.
Can you say PLAYOFFS, baby!!!???
Now, of course, we COULD conceivably loose EVERY SINGLE GAME-
But hey, the draft’s ahead, we’ve got plenty of picks, some nice free agents in Pantherland, why not dream? Something to salve the sting of those high ticket prices… 12-4??? Toxy, where you at man, it’s bettin’ time….
Stay tuned… OffSeason Rant part II coming up….
Gotta Comment???
Email me, The Cedar Street Seer-
CaptnTee@aol.com
Well, Fanz, it’s not lost on me it’s Tax Return Deadline day. Having taken care of that chore months ago, I won’t rub it in. But just this once-
NYAHHH NYAHHH NYAHHH!
Ok, I’m done. I got my bill for my season tickets last month. For the first time since I’ve been a fan, I’ve shuddered at the cost. For TWO seats, lower level, diagonal to the endzone, I am paying close to TWO GRAND! For EIGHT REGULAR SEASON GAMES- I’m not even COUNTING Pre-Season! After the largely forgettable season this year, it’s like your freshly-exed girlfriend insulting your gland size as she struts out the door. Ohhh, the pain. And James tells us that parking is going up too, but that’s not so bad, because WE control what happens in the lot. And that, my friends, is something to treasure and appreciate.
I also got the new schedule in the e-mail today, and looking at it got me thinkin’. I’m now recovered from my NCAA swoon, and because I just can’t get excited about the NBA or NHL, I’m letting myself get a little fired up about football. Oh, Baseball and NASCAR’s great, but there’s LOTS of racin’ and runnin’ left in these young seasons.
For those of you who are NOT PSL owners, and don’t have advance of the schedule, or have’nt commited it to memory, here’s what it looks like, REGULAR SEASON-
September 7th. 4.15 kickoff- @Sad Diego Chargers
A possibly overrated AFC team with some pretty potent weapons exposed during last year’s playoffs. Winnable, but I’m budgeting a loss for this one.
September 14th, 1.00 kickoff- Da Chicaaagooo Beayahhhhs.
An aging team, especially defensively, that’s on a downward trend. A very winnable home opener. PantherFanz party and get happy.
September 21st, 1.00 kickoff- @Minnesota Vikings
An NFC team on the rise with a flashy running back and a nice crop of draftees and free agents. An “L” for the Puddycats.
September 28th, 1.00 kickoff- THE…………ATLANTA………FUCKLONS……
Those HATED DUCKIES come into our house once again. There is no freakin’ way, no way, no how, that we can lose to these slackers. AGAIN. If we do, Foxy should be watching his back from this point on.
October 5th, 1.00 kickoff Kansas City Chefs
PantherFanZ will indeed be the Chefs for the Chefs, cooking up a nice win for the home crowd. The Chiefs are in sad shape, worse than us. This should be a happy day for the Fanz and the team.
October 12th, 1.00 kickoff @Tampa Bay Buck-an-Ears.
Rivalry renewed. Probably our most evenly matched opponent in the division. It’s been fun, and I’m anticipating more of the same this year. Possibly a split this year.
October 19th, 1.00 kickoff N’awlins sAINT’s
A health DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOce McCallister makes a difference on this team, but a perennially shell-shocked Danielle Morgan does not. Possibly a splitszky here, too, but I’m thinkin’ sweep. By us.
October 26th 1.00 kickoff Arizona Cardy-Noles
We close out the season with the perennial underachievers. Note that I show off my totally unprofessional attention to writing detail by using the word “Perennial” and it’s derivative in consecutive paragraphs.
And, precisely in the middle of the season, a bye. Eight games played, five home games. We should be no worse than 5-3 at that point, and solidly in front of our division . So what would the second half, heavy with road games, hold for our Carolina Panthers? My clairvoyance gland is telling me some early tales…. Read on, reader….
November 9th, 4.05 kickoff @ crOakland Ray-durrs
The Ray-durrs are a disappointing, underachieving, mismanaged bunch, and I don’t see any reason for RaiderNation to rejoice this year. PantherNation, on the other hand, starts the second half with a “W”.
November 16th. 1.00 kickoff Dee-troit Lions
Another underachieving mismanaged bunch we arrta clobber at home.
November 23rd, 1.00 kickoff @Fucklons, part II
We should shut up all 25,000 so called Falcon fans in attendance with their Vick jerseys on early. Another “W”.
November 30th, 1.00 kickoff @Green Bay Packers
The Tundra. The field. The fans. Brett Farve- oops, no Farve. What a difference ONE player makes. By this time, The Packers have found out what he meant to the team. Could Apocalypse Meow actually be 9-3 after this game? Just as Tiger Woods said to an interviewer at last week’s Masters concerning a “grand slam”…
“It’s reasonable to think so”…. Of course, Tiger went gaspipe to Immelman on Sunday…
December 8th, 8.30 kickoff MONDAY NIGHTA!!! Tampa Bay Bucks!
Our lone night game (so far, per NFL new end-of-season scheduling) and we’ll be loud, and ready. A great day to tailgate in the Queen City, especially if you’re lucky enuff to have a spot in the Cedar Street lot.
December 14th, 1.00 kickoff Denver Broncoids
Ok, Monday night hangover? The Broncoids? Not likely. Shanahan and his team are on a continuing downward spiral, the now mighty Panthers have another home victory.
December 21st, 1.00 kickoff @NooYawk Giants, Sooper Bowl Chumps
At this time of year, if the Giants haven’t wrapped up their tough division, it’s possible the Famous Super Bowl Swoon will have affected them and won’t even be fighting for their playoff lives. A game for pride, and we’ll be due. An “L”.
December 28th, 1.00 kickoff @ N’awlin’s Saints
We close out the season on the road to the friendly confines of the Sooperdome, and we will NOT finish the season on a losing note, not to these guys.
Can you say PLAYOFFS, baby!!!???
Now, of course, we COULD conceivably loose EVERY SINGLE GAME-
But hey, the draft’s ahead, we’ve got plenty of picks, some nice free agents in Pantherland, why not dream? Something to salve the sting of those high ticket prices… 12-4??? Toxy, where you at man, it’s bettin’ time….
Stay tuned… OffSeason Rant part II coming up….
Gotta Comment???
Email me, The Cedar Street Seer-
CaptnTee@aol.com
OFFSEASON RANT, pt. II
April 17, 2008
Well, by now we’ve all absorbed the schedule, and we’ve all got our dreams of 12-4 dancing in our heads, but if you’re a pessimist like James, you’re facing an 11-5 season. This offseason has got me a little more fired up, because, once again, I’m going to revisit my “Wish List”, just to see how much my wishes came true----
To start, I got a feeling we are going to be seeing FAR more replays on that giant new scoreboard being installed at the Pasture of Disasture. After venting on a LENGHTY online survey offered by the big Cats themselves, I think they finally know what they have to do to make a better gameday experience for us who pay that ridiculous ticket price. Wish granted, maybe. The league is even thinking about getting rid of those nasty dreadlocks and overgrown manes like Polomalo’s - wish granted, maybe.
I really didn’t get any wishes come true in the coaching staff, so let’s REALLY hope the past year has been an aberration. At QB, Jake’s recovery is right on schedule, and he’s even filming a new Bojangles commercial as we speak, so things must be going well. As far as Matt Moore’s concerned, he’s more than earned a chance to compete for a spot here. Remember that Jake Delhomme, Romo the Homo and Tommy Brady were buried in the depth charts at one time, too. And in New York, just imagine if Eli goes down, The Hefty Lefty stinks it up, who do they have? Stinky Dinky, that’s who. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH- I laugh at the NooYawk executive that picked up Dinky Carr. Many of the true fans were also ECSTATIC to see DeFumblo shown the door. Wish, for me, granted. LaBrandon Toefield? Even the name sounds like running back greatness. You never know. A big back we really need to complement DeAngelo. And we get HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOver back, too! Also, I’m ECSTATIC to see Colbert and Carter shown the door. And even MORESO to see MOOSE back! A great blocker and nice possession receiver in our system, especially should Jake make a full recovery. Wish Granted. I like the addition of DJ Hackett- he’ll be a great complement to Smitty, should he stay healthy this year. Double Wish Granted. Some nice additions to the Oline, and Hartwig and Whale shown the door. Keepin’ Gross around, I think we’re gonna be in good shape with the line, especially since there’s such value in the draft at this position. I’m also glad they’ve taken a sledgehammer to the defensive line- Jenk and Ruck- GONE. Pep? Could be trade bait, but they deny it. I’m just glad that position will be redefined for the upcoming season. I’m thrilled to see the staff has finally parted ways with their girlfriend Danielle Morgan. Not sure how much impact Colclough is going to have, but hey, it’s a start. At any rate, the defense belongs to Jon BEASTon, as it should be.
And speaking of the draft, we’re in a good position there, too. Could we be lucky enough to draft Rashard Mendenhall, the Illini bruiser-back we’ve been needing? If not, a franchise lineman is waiting for us at the thirteenth pick. Also, with two early third round picks, and THREE seventh round picks, we could really find some value there, as well. Listen to me, sounding like Mel Kiper. Wish I had the hair. Eight picks, Fanz. Eight chances to really add to the team. To select someone that makes a difference on gameday, and possibly in the community, too. That’s why I just don’t think we look that wretched anymore. We cut the rotting flesh off of our roster, now we’ve begun the renewal operation. And I don’t think we’re done yet-
And speaking of wishes, take another look at our home schedule. Who’s on there, besides the damned Duckies, Bucs and Saints? Any of them fill our stadium with obnoxious fans? Yeah, I see that jersey sales of the Bears, Chiefs, Cardy-noles, Lions and Broncoids top the charts in our area. When’s the last time you wanted to run a Detroit Lions fan out of the stadium? I recall having some nice discourse with Bears Fans over multiple beers. We’re FAR too east of the Missisip’ to be a hotbed of Bronco fans. So, gameday for us finds our seats certain to be filled with PANTHER fans, DAMMIT!!! I cannot begin to tell you how sick I am to see our stadium filled with “bandwagon” fans of flagging dynasties. That ESPECIALLY means Cowboy and Squeeler fans who are not from Texas or West Virginia. I would certainly give Redskins fans a pass on regional loyalty, for NOW. We are now in our THIRTEENTH season. It’s time to choose PANTHERS, Carolina NFL fans! We’ve got HISTORY. LOOK at the history, good AND bad-
Mostly good. A second year team makes it to the conference championships! That, after an amazing 7-9 first season at Klimpson! A thrilling couple of 8-8 seasons with Seifert, Beurlein and the Frisbee- catchin’ dogs of Moose, Jeffers and Walls! A fantastically wretched 1-15 season that landed us the rare athletic specimen that’s Julius Peppers, that had his mind taken over by aliens last year. (Since Jack Bauer was waiting for filming to start again, he got the chance to chase them out of his brain at this writing) A SUPER BOWL appearance! ANOTHER trip to the conference championship game! I have the feeling that as long as Uncle Jerry is in charge, he won’t let us stink that bad, so what’s wrong with throwing your passion at the Panthers? Ok, we hit a stinker like last year. How rare is that, really? I’m gonna go out on a limb here-
Ready?
The Cedar Street Seer is going to speak.
The Carolina Panthers will not suck this year. Not like last year.
I guarantee it. And something else I’m gonna guarantee.
Tailgating will once again be awesome this year. Your core staff of PantherFanz will see to that.
The weeks are ticking away. Fan Day is less than four months away.
Till then, enjoy The Major Leagues, minor leagues, golf, fishin’, whatever brings you joy. But remember-
The National Football league is coming back. We’ve hit the mid-point of the offseason, and the season start is now showing up on the horizon. And we’ll be ready for it.
I’ll rant again after the draft.
Gotta Comment?
e-mail me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
Well, by now we’ve all absorbed the schedule, and we’ve all got our dreams of 12-4 dancing in our heads, but if you’re a pessimist like James, you’re facing an 11-5 season. This offseason has got me a little more fired up, because, once again, I’m going to revisit my “Wish List”, just to see how much my wishes came true----
To start, I got a feeling we are going to be seeing FAR more replays on that giant new scoreboard being installed at the Pasture of Disasture. After venting on a LENGHTY online survey offered by the big Cats themselves, I think they finally know what they have to do to make a better gameday experience for us who pay that ridiculous ticket price. Wish granted, maybe. The league is even thinking about getting rid of those nasty dreadlocks and overgrown manes like Polomalo’s - wish granted, maybe.
I really didn’t get any wishes come true in the coaching staff, so let’s REALLY hope the past year has been an aberration. At QB, Jake’s recovery is right on schedule, and he’s even filming a new Bojangles commercial as we speak, so things must be going well. As far as Matt Moore’s concerned, he’s more than earned a chance to compete for a spot here. Remember that Jake Delhomme, Romo the Homo and Tommy Brady were buried in the depth charts at one time, too. And in New York, just imagine if Eli goes down, The Hefty Lefty stinks it up, who do they have? Stinky Dinky, that’s who. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH- I laugh at the NooYawk executive that picked up Dinky Carr. Many of the true fans were also ECSTATIC to see DeFumblo shown the door. Wish, for me, granted. LaBrandon Toefield? Even the name sounds like running back greatness. You never know. A big back we really need to complement DeAngelo. And we get HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOver back, too! Also, I’m ECSTATIC to see Colbert and Carter shown the door. And even MORESO to see MOOSE back! A great blocker and nice possession receiver in our system, especially should Jake make a full recovery. Wish Granted. I like the addition of DJ Hackett- he’ll be a great complement to Smitty, should he stay healthy this year. Double Wish Granted. Some nice additions to the Oline, and Hartwig and Whale shown the door. Keepin’ Gross around, I think we’re gonna be in good shape with the line, especially since there’s such value in the draft at this position. I’m also glad they’ve taken a sledgehammer to the defensive line- Jenk and Ruck- GONE. Pep? Could be trade bait, but they deny it. I’m just glad that position will be redefined for the upcoming season. I’m thrilled to see the staff has finally parted ways with their girlfriend Danielle Morgan. Not sure how much impact Colclough is going to have, but hey, it’s a start. At any rate, the defense belongs to Jon BEASTon, as it should be.
And speaking of the draft, we’re in a good position there, too. Could we be lucky enough to draft Rashard Mendenhall, the Illini bruiser-back we’ve been needing? If not, a franchise lineman is waiting for us at the thirteenth pick. Also, with two early third round picks, and THREE seventh round picks, we could really find some value there, as well. Listen to me, sounding like Mel Kiper. Wish I had the hair. Eight picks, Fanz. Eight chances to really add to the team. To select someone that makes a difference on gameday, and possibly in the community, too. That’s why I just don’t think we look that wretched anymore. We cut the rotting flesh off of our roster, now we’ve begun the renewal operation. And I don’t think we’re done yet-
And speaking of wishes, take another look at our home schedule. Who’s on there, besides the damned Duckies, Bucs and Saints? Any of them fill our stadium with obnoxious fans? Yeah, I see that jersey sales of the Bears, Chiefs, Cardy-noles, Lions and Broncoids top the charts in our area. When’s the last time you wanted to run a Detroit Lions fan out of the stadium? I recall having some nice discourse with Bears Fans over multiple beers. We’re FAR too east of the Missisip’ to be a hotbed of Bronco fans. So, gameday for us finds our seats certain to be filled with PANTHER fans, DAMMIT!!! I cannot begin to tell you how sick I am to see our stadium filled with “bandwagon” fans of flagging dynasties. That ESPECIALLY means Cowboy and Squeeler fans who are not from Texas or West Virginia. I would certainly give Redskins fans a pass on regional loyalty, for NOW. We are now in our THIRTEENTH season. It’s time to choose PANTHERS, Carolina NFL fans! We’ve got HISTORY. LOOK at the history, good AND bad-
Mostly good. A second year team makes it to the conference championships! That, after an amazing 7-9 first season at Klimpson! A thrilling couple of 8-8 seasons with Seifert, Beurlein and the Frisbee- catchin’ dogs of Moose, Jeffers and Walls! A fantastically wretched 1-15 season that landed us the rare athletic specimen that’s Julius Peppers, that had his mind taken over by aliens last year. (Since Jack Bauer was waiting for filming to start again, he got the chance to chase them out of his brain at this writing) A SUPER BOWL appearance! ANOTHER trip to the conference championship game! I have the feeling that as long as Uncle Jerry is in charge, he won’t let us stink that bad, so what’s wrong with throwing your passion at the Panthers? Ok, we hit a stinker like last year. How rare is that, really? I’m gonna go out on a limb here-
Ready?
The Cedar Street Seer is going to speak.
The Carolina Panthers will not suck this year. Not like last year.
I guarantee it. And something else I’m gonna guarantee.
Tailgating will once again be awesome this year. Your core staff of PantherFanz will see to that.
The weeks are ticking away. Fan Day is less than four months away.
Till then, enjoy The Major Leagues, minor leagues, golf, fishin’, whatever brings you joy. But remember-
The National Football league is coming back. We’ve hit the mid-point of the offseason, and the season start is now showing up on the horizon. And we’ll be ready for it.
I’ll rant again after the draft.
Gotta Comment?
e-mail me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
24 December, 2007
Wish List, Pt. 2
December 24th, 2007
Well, the season is almost over, gratefully. And as it is the Christmas season, I’m continuing to wish. One of my wishes came true when we got a serious effort from the team on national TV last Saturday, and the week before, prompting me to actually wear a jersey to the game. Perhaps your wishes are like mine, as the ones I’ll write here are concerned with the Carolina-Richardson Panthurs.
For one, I wish I’d not made that bold prediction about Foxy’s future with us.
Seems like Uncle Jerry read my rant and made that announcement securing Fox-Hurney’s employment in Carolina just to spite me.
*Sigh. *
Know what’s coming, Pantherfanz?
More of the same.
More unimaginative offensive plays.
More horrendous special teams.
More defenses that cannot get off the field on fourth down-
More gameday crowds featuring empty seats and those filled with fans of the opposing teams.
More home-field DISadvantage.
UNLESS-
Foxy and Hurney take this one year grace period and use it as a mandate to BRING PANTHER FOOTBALL BACK!
So, with that statement, What IS Panther Football? Is it that collection of veterans that Polian and Capers put together in ’95-’96? That was fun, but wilted like cut flowers from that Russian dude on the corner of Albemarle and Wilgrove-Mint Hill Road. Is it that hi-powered offense led by Steve Beurelein, his Frisbee-catchin’ dogs and Seifert? I, for one, would LOVE to see some of that come back. Let me tell you what I think Panther football is.
For six years, John Fox has been our head coach. And the winningest coach we have had. You, me, Pea-Dad, Chris the Cooke and even Head Coach Dano cannot ignore or forget the post-season success we have had. A SUPER BOWL! Taking those mighty Pastry-Rots to the FINAL SECONDS! Throttling the once-mighty- GI-Ain’ts and Midgets of the Midway to get to the NFC Championship-
Do you think the Detroit Lions, Atlanta Duckies, and Phoenix Cardi-noles, to name a few want some of that?
Hell, yeah, they do.
But, the NFL stands for, among other things, for Not For Long. The measure of success in this league is WINNING, and POSTSEASON SUCCESS. This is NOT the NCAA, where part of your success is based on the character and academic achievement of the athletes. I love seeing UNC athletes acting like kids you can admire, and graduate. I could care less about what NFL players do, as long as they play by the rules and don’t kill anyone, or dogs. Ahhh, that’s kind of a generalization. Of course, I’d like them ALL to be like Mikes. Minters and Ruckers, that is. So- with a lot of rambling, Panther Football to me is……
John Fox coaching an NFL team that RUNS THE FOOTBALL with a non-fumbling powerback, that hasn’t been seen since Stephen Davis. Bang, Bang, Bang, First down. Bang, Bang, Short Dink Pass, First down. Bang, Dink Pass, Bang, First Down. Bang, Bang, Bang, Field Goal. A quarterback that manages the game. Sure-handed receivers that don’t drop the damn ball. Linemen that don’t make mistakes. A defense that crushes the run, and keeps the pass in front of them, while creating turnovers. Special teams that erases the opponent’s return, while establishing good field position when receiving. When these elements are working, then, it becomes Bang, Bang, BIG PLAY, TOUCHDOWN!
This, my friends, is Panther Football, the way it’s been played for two and a half- paltry years here. And it was only played when John Fox was the coach. But, it must come back- So--- We get Foxy-Hurney back next year. What has to happen? Not status quo, because THAT is unacceptable. So given these parameters, I’m going to revisit my wish list.
COACHING/ORGANIZATION
Seeing that we are getting the principals back, I wish for the rest of the staff to be jettisoned, STARTING WITH TURKEY-VAC! AND the UN-special teams coach. I might give Davidson a pass, since he was obviously hamstrung at the QB position, but only a ONE YEAR PASS- And an overhaul of the scouting department. Our past crop of free agents, save Chris Harris has been unacceptable. Our draft picks have simply not been as successful at the lower levels as they have been. Anyone wanna guess what round Tom Brady was picked at? Romo The Homo? ‘Nuff said.
QUARTERBACK
I maintain, I wish for Jake Delhomme to make a complete recovery from his Tommy John Surgery. I am certain him on this current team would have been good for at least two more wins, which means we are tied with Tampa Bay going into the last game. I DID wish for Matt Moore to go, but I believe he’s played into the right to earn a spot on this team. I wish for us to draft a Romo/Homo or Brady to understudy Jake for a year or two, and then explode, and Jake buy a Bojangle’s Franchise and kick Mick Mixon and Eugene Robinson outtta the booth, but, oh, that’s another wish- I think our wish for Dinky Carr to get outta town will be granted, with 100% certainty.
RUNNING BACK
I wish that DeFumblo Foster never wear a Panther uniform again. I wish that we would draft a POWERBACK that would be that battering ram that is John Fox football. DeAngelo Williams is JUST NOT THAT BACK. He’s a scat-back, like Warrick Dunn, or Marsha-Marsha-Marshall Faulk. In that role, he would be all-Pro. I wish Nick-Comings-And-Goings could squeeze one more year outta him and be a reliable backup and special teams player. I wish also for us to get one more year outta Brad Hoooooooooooover and draft a punishing fullback that can catch the ball.
WIDE RECIEVER/TIGHT ENDS
Again, I wish for Steve Smith to be a Panther forever. I wish for us to snag a mercurial wide receiver of the Ricky Proehl/Patrick Jeffers type in free agency, and draft a speedy sure handed Frisbee catchin’ dog. The rest-
Just go away. And Pleeeeeeease-
No more USC and that’s LEFT COAST- receivers.
OFFENSIVE LINE
A couple of nice draft picks and a decent position coach will help this group. That’s what I wish for.
DEFENSIVE LINE
I wish for this line to be blown up. There has been NO pass rush generated from this group all year. I wish for us to trade Julius Peppers, to an AFC team of course, for as many draft picks as we could get for him. I wish for the new defensive coordinator to stabilize this unit and get the pass rush from the
LINEBACKERS
Who have a nice start at the middle with Jon BEASTon who I wish to be a Panther forever. I wish for a Kevin Greene like character to come in and generate some real excitement when we are on defense. And behind these guys,
DEFENSIVE BACKFIELD
I wish for Richard Marshall to get a starting spot. I wish for a true shut-down corner to be drafted and some hard-hitting safeties to come in.
And while I’m wishing, I’m wishing for Bill Rosinski to come back. I’m wishing that on gameday, our stadium is void of obnoxious fans of the visiting team. ESPECIALLY Cow-puppy, and Squealer fans. I wish that teams coming to play at the BOFA come into a raucous, passionate, and LOUD environment that creates anxiety and discomfort.
And I simply MUST, MUST, MUST wish for this-
The PantherFanz party to go on like it has this year. If tailgate parties determined playoff positioning, there would be no question that we would be 15-0 going into the game with Tampa Bay. EVERY SINGLE ONE of us has carried the tentpoles of this party high and strong, and our final party this year was beyond all expectations. A super buzz was caught by all, and I was proud to bring my darling daughter “Miss December PantherFanz” into adulthood in our lot. Jessie, her little sister, will be sure to follow, as for sure your children will. Next Gen PantherFanz, who will not sell out to the latest winner- Who will fill the seat year after year, and teach THEIR children to love the Carolina Panthers, and so on, and so on. Our pain, their pride. The bricks we lay now that will be the HOUSE our team PROTECTS. This is my wish, my dearest wish, as it comes for the Panthers, and for us. And I wish, most of all, that Marc can see the tailgate group and the team grow stronger and stronger as the years march on. It’s not lost on me that I’m writing as the anniversary of his passing has come and gone last week. And with that, my friends, my FanZ- I wish you a Merry, Merry, Christmas, may anyone but Dallas or New EnglandLand go to the StuporBowl, and I promise one final rant before this dismal season fades into history…….
Gotta Comment?
Email me, The Cedar Street Seer
Well, the season is almost over, gratefully. And as it is the Christmas season, I’m continuing to wish. One of my wishes came true when we got a serious effort from the team on national TV last Saturday, and the week before, prompting me to actually wear a jersey to the game. Perhaps your wishes are like mine, as the ones I’ll write here are concerned with the Carolina-Richardson Panthurs.
For one, I wish I’d not made that bold prediction about Foxy’s future with us.
Seems like Uncle Jerry read my rant and made that announcement securing Fox-Hurney’s employment in Carolina just to spite me.
*Sigh. *
Know what’s coming, Pantherfanz?
More of the same.
More unimaginative offensive plays.
More horrendous special teams.
More defenses that cannot get off the field on fourth down-
More gameday crowds featuring empty seats and those filled with fans of the opposing teams.
More home-field DISadvantage.
UNLESS-
Foxy and Hurney take this one year grace period and use it as a mandate to BRING PANTHER FOOTBALL BACK!
So, with that statement, What IS Panther Football? Is it that collection of veterans that Polian and Capers put together in ’95-’96? That was fun, but wilted like cut flowers from that Russian dude on the corner of Albemarle and Wilgrove-Mint Hill Road. Is it that hi-powered offense led by Steve Beurelein, his Frisbee-catchin’ dogs and Seifert? I, for one, would LOVE to see some of that come back. Let me tell you what I think Panther football is.
For six years, John Fox has been our head coach. And the winningest coach we have had. You, me, Pea-Dad, Chris the Cooke and even Head Coach Dano cannot ignore or forget the post-season success we have had. A SUPER BOWL! Taking those mighty Pastry-Rots to the FINAL SECONDS! Throttling the once-mighty- GI-Ain’ts and Midgets of the Midway to get to the NFC Championship-
Do you think the Detroit Lions, Atlanta Duckies, and Phoenix Cardi-noles, to name a few want some of that?
Hell, yeah, they do.
But, the NFL stands for, among other things, for Not For Long. The measure of success in this league is WINNING, and POSTSEASON SUCCESS. This is NOT the NCAA, where part of your success is based on the character and academic achievement of the athletes. I love seeing UNC athletes acting like kids you can admire, and graduate. I could care less about what NFL players do, as long as they play by the rules and don’t kill anyone, or dogs. Ahhh, that’s kind of a generalization. Of course, I’d like them ALL to be like Mikes. Minters and Ruckers, that is. So- with a lot of rambling, Panther Football to me is……
John Fox coaching an NFL team that RUNS THE FOOTBALL with a non-fumbling powerback, that hasn’t been seen since Stephen Davis. Bang, Bang, Bang, First down. Bang, Bang, Short Dink Pass, First down. Bang, Dink Pass, Bang, First Down. Bang, Bang, Bang, Field Goal. A quarterback that manages the game. Sure-handed receivers that don’t drop the damn ball. Linemen that don’t make mistakes. A defense that crushes the run, and keeps the pass in front of them, while creating turnovers. Special teams that erases the opponent’s return, while establishing good field position when receiving. When these elements are working, then, it becomes Bang, Bang, BIG PLAY, TOUCHDOWN!
This, my friends, is Panther Football, the way it’s been played for two and a half- paltry years here. And it was only played when John Fox was the coach. But, it must come back- So--- We get Foxy-Hurney back next year. What has to happen? Not status quo, because THAT is unacceptable. So given these parameters, I’m going to revisit my wish list.
COACHING/ORGANIZATION
Seeing that we are getting the principals back, I wish for the rest of the staff to be jettisoned, STARTING WITH TURKEY-VAC! AND the UN-special teams coach. I might give Davidson a pass, since he was obviously hamstrung at the QB position, but only a ONE YEAR PASS- And an overhaul of the scouting department. Our past crop of free agents, save Chris Harris has been unacceptable. Our draft picks have simply not been as successful at the lower levels as they have been. Anyone wanna guess what round Tom Brady was picked at? Romo The Homo? ‘Nuff said.
QUARTERBACK
I maintain, I wish for Jake Delhomme to make a complete recovery from his Tommy John Surgery. I am certain him on this current team would have been good for at least two more wins, which means we are tied with Tampa Bay going into the last game. I DID wish for Matt Moore to go, but I believe he’s played into the right to earn a spot on this team. I wish for us to draft a Romo/Homo or Brady to understudy Jake for a year or two, and then explode, and Jake buy a Bojangle’s Franchise and kick Mick Mixon and Eugene Robinson outtta the booth, but, oh, that’s another wish- I think our wish for Dinky Carr to get outta town will be granted, with 100% certainty.
RUNNING BACK
I wish that DeFumblo Foster never wear a Panther uniform again. I wish that we would draft a POWERBACK that would be that battering ram that is John Fox football. DeAngelo Williams is JUST NOT THAT BACK. He’s a scat-back, like Warrick Dunn, or Marsha-Marsha-Marshall Faulk. In that role, he would be all-Pro. I wish Nick-Comings-And-Goings could squeeze one more year outta him and be a reliable backup and special teams player. I wish also for us to get one more year outta Brad Hoooooooooooover and draft a punishing fullback that can catch the ball.
WIDE RECIEVER/TIGHT ENDS
Again, I wish for Steve Smith to be a Panther forever. I wish for us to snag a mercurial wide receiver of the Ricky Proehl/Patrick Jeffers type in free agency, and draft a speedy sure handed Frisbee catchin’ dog. The rest-
Just go away. And Pleeeeeeease-
No more USC and that’s LEFT COAST- receivers.
OFFENSIVE LINE
A couple of nice draft picks and a decent position coach will help this group. That’s what I wish for.
DEFENSIVE LINE
I wish for this line to be blown up. There has been NO pass rush generated from this group all year. I wish for us to trade Julius Peppers, to an AFC team of course, for as many draft picks as we could get for him. I wish for the new defensive coordinator to stabilize this unit and get the pass rush from the
LINEBACKERS
Who have a nice start at the middle with Jon BEASTon who I wish to be a Panther forever. I wish for a Kevin Greene like character to come in and generate some real excitement when we are on defense. And behind these guys,
DEFENSIVE BACKFIELD
I wish for Richard Marshall to get a starting spot. I wish for a true shut-down corner to be drafted and some hard-hitting safeties to come in.
And while I’m wishing, I’m wishing for Bill Rosinski to come back. I’m wishing that on gameday, our stadium is void of obnoxious fans of the visiting team. ESPECIALLY Cow-puppy, and Squealer fans. I wish that teams coming to play at the BOFA come into a raucous, passionate, and LOUD environment that creates anxiety and discomfort.
And I simply MUST, MUST, MUST wish for this-
The PantherFanz party to go on like it has this year. If tailgate parties determined playoff positioning, there would be no question that we would be 15-0 going into the game with Tampa Bay. EVERY SINGLE ONE of us has carried the tentpoles of this party high and strong, and our final party this year was beyond all expectations. A super buzz was caught by all, and I was proud to bring my darling daughter “Miss December PantherFanz” into adulthood in our lot. Jessie, her little sister, will be sure to follow, as for sure your children will. Next Gen PantherFanz, who will not sell out to the latest winner- Who will fill the seat year after year, and teach THEIR children to love the Carolina Panthers, and so on, and so on. Our pain, their pride. The bricks we lay now that will be the HOUSE our team PROTECTS. This is my wish, my dearest wish, as it comes for the Panthers, and for us. And I wish, most of all, that Marc can see the tailgate group and the team grow stronger and stronger as the years march on. It’s not lost on me that I’m writing as the anniversary of his passing has come and gone last week. And with that, my friends, my FanZ- I wish you a Merry, Merry, Christmas, may anyone but Dallas or New EnglandLand go to the StuporBowl, and I promise one final rant before this dismal season fades into history…….
Gotta Comment?
Email me, The Cedar Street Seer
11 December, 2007
Wish List
December 10th, 2007
Well, Fanz- it’s been two weeks since my last rant, and I’m ready to source whatever holiday spirit there is to wish for things tangible and intangible.
Of course, we’d all like peace on earth, and good will towards ALL men, and that would include anyone in a Falcons uniform or a Du---
Duuuuu----
Oh Lord, forgive me.
I just can’t do it for Dook.
But, just like my Giving Thanks rant, this IS a Panther Football site, and all of my wishes here are my wishes for the Richardson Panthurs.
Panthur Football.
Seems like an oxymoron.
For most of this year, either watching on TV or sitting in BOFA, this season’s team has been the very worst brand of football I’ve seen as a fan. The first season in Klimpsun was far better. Even with that Gawd-Awful traffic before and afterwards. The 1-15 season was AT LEAST watchable.
This year has been garbage. Pure garbage.
So now, I’m wishing. But before I do, The Cedar Street Seer is making a bold prediction. After yesterday, and hearing some post-game commentary, I’m ready to say it.
John Fox will NOT be head coach of these Richardson Panthurs next season.
Too much that has gone wrong for this team in performance is coaching related. And Jerry R. won’t put up with what he’s seeing in the house the PSL built for another year. He just won’t. My list is long- So with that, I start with-
ORGANIZATION/COACHING
Ok, so if I wish the coaching staff away, Jerry had BETTER have a good alternative in the wings- Marty Schottenheimer has a house in Lake Norman- Marty got a terrible deal in Sad Diego, and a WORSE one in DC. I think Marty is a good fit here. There’s rumors that Power Cowher has a handshake deal to come in. Cowher would at least energize the players and fans. And the coach and HIS staff, not A SOUL left over from the debris of Fox, will have to blow this team up, position by position. And who will make the personnel decisions to replace the blown up players? Not the Marty we have on staff NOW- Hurney, the scouting staff, GONE. Their track record has been ABYSMAL. We need a real football man, a shrewd “capologist” who can bring in terrific talent, year after year, like the Pissburg Squealers did for so many years. Right now the Panthurs are in the worst cap position in the league. Our new GM is going to really have to make some chicken salad out of the sh** that remains. So I continue to wish for-
QUARTERBACKS
I wish that we’d trade Julius Peppers straight up for Peyton Manning. Can you imagine the Bojangles commercials we’d have THEN!!??? But since that borders on science fiction, I wish for Jake Delhomme to have a complete and successful recovery from his Tommy John surgery. As I’ve said before, Jake is a natural leader, a gunslinger in the mold of Brett Favre. We need to keep Jake if he’s healthy. All of our present QB’s, INCLUDING Matt Moore, are to be jettisoned. Vinny Testicle, retire. David Carr-
Just go away.
And let’s draft a good QB in this year’s draft. We’re going to be in great draft position- there’s a good crop of ‘em out there. And who does our wished-for QB throw to?
WIDE RECIEVERS/TIGHT ENDS
I wish for Steve Smith to be a Panther forever. And for Keary Colbert, Drew Carter, and Dewayne Jarrett to cease being Panthers effective December 31st. I wish we had Frisbee-catchin’ dogs like we had back in ’99. I wish Jeff King or Dante Rosario would turn into Wesley Walls. If not, seeya. We need sticky-handed guys who will not only catch the damn ball, but to run proper routes, keep their heads in the game, and BLOCK! Block for who? Who I wish for in-
RUNNING BACKS
I wish also for DeFumblo Foster to cease being a Panther effective Dec. 31st. I wish to give DeAngelo Williams a chance to be a feature back. In the meantime, I wish for our remaining stable of backs to be cleared out, except Brad Hoooooooooooover and Nick Comings and Goings can stay and play ………….
UUUUUUUUUUUUUGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
SPECIAL TEAMS
I wish we didn’t have the very worst special teams in the NFL. But we do. We need a half-dozen kamikaze players who launch themselves down the field like human Exocet missiles. And if they don’t the new special teams coach that I’m wishing for needs to get them in the mindset to do that. Thank you, John Kasay, for all of your years of excellence, in performance, AND character. I wish for you to retire before you embarrass yourself one of these days. Don’t worry, you’ll get your statue and name in our Ring of Honour. We can keep Jason Baker. And as I continue to wish, I won’t forget…
OFFENSIVE LINE
I wish for you guys a new coach that will coach all of those stupid false starts out of you. You all are a pretty good bunch. Unless you’re Dinky Carr, the QB just isn’t sacked very much. I’ll say that this part of our team is actually mediocre, and not garbage, like most of the team. I’ve got a good friend in church that used to be a lineman at NC State, and he told me OL’s hold on EVERY play. They just have to be sneaky about it. So I’ll forgive the occasional holding call, just QUIT JUMPING BEFORE THE DAMN SNAP!!!
Now for a really BIG WISH-
DEFENSIVE LINE
After special teams, there is no part of this team that needs to be blown up more than this one. Jenk, Ruck, Pep, Kemo- NONE of you is a sacred cow. I wish for ALL OF YOU to cease being Panthers after this year. I wish to trade Julius Peppers for all of the draft picks we could get out of him, unless the new coaches I’m wishing for think they can coach him back into the monster we remember. I’d let Stanley McClover try to earn a roster spot. And now, I wish behind this line for
LINEBACKERS
I wish for Danielle Morgan to retire. Now. Don’t even entertain the notion of coming back for this team, ever. I wish for Jon BEASTon to be a Panther forever. I wish for a really dominating LB in the draft to complement him and TD on the outside. I wish for a crazed lunatic like Kevin Greene in this unit. I wish that we could have the kind of fun we used to have when he was at his peak. And down the field, I wish for
CORNERS AND SAFTIES
I wish Richard Marshall would start, and Christine Gamble would play nickel. I wish Ken Lucas well, and a nice end of is career somewhere else. I wish we would draft a real shut-down ball-hawking corner, or a heat-seeking missile of a safety, like Mike After-Dinner Minter used to be. I wish Mike was young again and back, but like seeing Peyton Manning in black’n-blue, that’s science fiction.
And while I’m wishing, I wish those nasty dreadlocks would go out of fashion. I’m surprised that if the league bans fun and celebrations, they wouldn’t ban these tacky forms of self-expression. But that’s just me. I wish the Panthurs would spend more time showing replays on the screen and not those stupid advertisements. I wish they’d let us take our shirts off. I wish they’d let people bring in posters critical of the team. I wish beer wasn’t so expensive in the stadium. And I wish they’d stop playing the Imperial March at the start of every defensive series. They’re just not that intimidating. I wish that one day, that the Panthers start scaring the league again, like the Pastry-rots do now. I wish that we would make a speedy return to playoff football, at least COMPETETIVE football, and most of all,
I wish all of you a Merry Christmas with your families, your friends and loved ones, and a very happy New Year.
And as I type out of sight, Good Tailgating to all, and to all-
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh, you know………
Comments?
Email me, The Cedar Street Seer
captntee@aol.com
Well, Fanz- it’s been two weeks since my last rant, and I’m ready to source whatever holiday spirit there is to wish for things tangible and intangible.
Of course, we’d all like peace on earth, and good will towards ALL men, and that would include anyone in a Falcons uniform or a Du---
Duuuuu----
Oh Lord, forgive me.
I just can’t do it for Dook.
But, just like my Giving Thanks rant, this IS a Panther Football site, and all of my wishes here are my wishes for the Richardson Panthurs.
Panthur Football.
Seems like an oxymoron.
For most of this year, either watching on TV or sitting in BOFA, this season’s team has been the very worst brand of football I’ve seen as a fan. The first season in Klimpsun was far better. Even with that Gawd-Awful traffic before and afterwards. The 1-15 season was AT LEAST watchable.
This year has been garbage. Pure garbage.
So now, I’m wishing. But before I do, The Cedar Street Seer is making a bold prediction. After yesterday, and hearing some post-game commentary, I’m ready to say it.
John Fox will NOT be head coach of these Richardson Panthurs next season.
Too much that has gone wrong for this team in performance is coaching related. And Jerry R. won’t put up with what he’s seeing in the house the PSL built for another year. He just won’t. My list is long- So with that, I start with-
ORGANIZATION/COACHING
Ok, so if I wish the coaching staff away, Jerry had BETTER have a good alternative in the wings- Marty Schottenheimer has a house in Lake Norman- Marty got a terrible deal in Sad Diego, and a WORSE one in DC. I think Marty is a good fit here. There’s rumors that Power Cowher has a handshake deal to come in. Cowher would at least energize the players and fans. And the coach and HIS staff, not A SOUL left over from the debris of Fox, will have to blow this team up, position by position. And who will make the personnel decisions to replace the blown up players? Not the Marty we have on staff NOW- Hurney, the scouting staff, GONE. Their track record has been ABYSMAL. We need a real football man, a shrewd “capologist” who can bring in terrific talent, year after year, like the Pissburg Squealers did for so many years. Right now the Panthurs are in the worst cap position in the league. Our new GM is going to really have to make some chicken salad out of the sh** that remains. So I continue to wish for-
QUARTERBACKS
I wish that we’d trade Julius Peppers straight up for Peyton Manning. Can you imagine the Bojangles commercials we’d have THEN!!??? But since that borders on science fiction, I wish for Jake Delhomme to have a complete and successful recovery from his Tommy John surgery. As I’ve said before, Jake is a natural leader, a gunslinger in the mold of Brett Favre. We need to keep Jake if he’s healthy. All of our present QB’s, INCLUDING Matt Moore, are to be jettisoned. Vinny Testicle, retire. David Carr-
Just go away.
And let’s draft a good QB in this year’s draft. We’re going to be in great draft position- there’s a good crop of ‘em out there. And who does our wished-for QB throw to?
WIDE RECIEVERS/TIGHT ENDS
I wish for Steve Smith to be a Panther forever. And for Keary Colbert, Drew Carter, and Dewayne Jarrett to cease being Panthers effective December 31st. I wish we had Frisbee-catchin’ dogs like we had back in ’99. I wish Jeff King or Dante Rosario would turn into Wesley Walls. If not, seeya. We need sticky-handed guys who will not only catch the damn ball, but to run proper routes, keep their heads in the game, and BLOCK! Block for who? Who I wish for in-
RUNNING BACKS
I wish also for DeFumblo Foster to cease being a Panther effective Dec. 31st. I wish to give DeAngelo Williams a chance to be a feature back. In the meantime, I wish for our remaining stable of backs to be cleared out, except Brad Hoooooooooooover and Nick Comings and Goings can stay and play ………….
UUUUUUUUUUUUUGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
SPECIAL TEAMS
I wish we didn’t have the very worst special teams in the NFL. But we do. We need a half-dozen kamikaze players who launch themselves down the field like human Exocet missiles. And if they don’t the new special teams coach that I’m wishing for needs to get them in the mindset to do that. Thank you, John Kasay, for all of your years of excellence, in performance, AND character. I wish for you to retire before you embarrass yourself one of these days. Don’t worry, you’ll get your statue and name in our Ring of Honour. We can keep Jason Baker. And as I continue to wish, I won’t forget…
OFFENSIVE LINE
I wish for you guys a new coach that will coach all of those stupid false starts out of you. You all are a pretty good bunch. Unless you’re Dinky Carr, the QB just isn’t sacked very much. I’ll say that this part of our team is actually mediocre, and not garbage, like most of the team. I’ve got a good friend in church that used to be a lineman at NC State, and he told me OL’s hold on EVERY play. They just have to be sneaky about it. So I’ll forgive the occasional holding call, just QUIT JUMPING BEFORE THE DAMN SNAP!!!
Now for a really BIG WISH-
DEFENSIVE LINE
After special teams, there is no part of this team that needs to be blown up more than this one. Jenk, Ruck, Pep, Kemo- NONE of you is a sacred cow. I wish for ALL OF YOU to cease being Panthers after this year. I wish to trade Julius Peppers for all of the draft picks we could get out of him, unless the new coaches I’m wishing for think they can coach him back into the monster we remember. I’d let Stanley McClover try to earn a roster spot. And now, I wish behind this line for
LINEBACKERS
I wish for Danielle Morgan to retire. Now. Don’t even entertain the notion of coming back for this team, ever. I wish for Jon BEASTon to be a Panther forever. I wish for a really dominating LB in the draft to complement him and TD on the outside. I wish for a crazed lunatic like Kevin Greene in this unit. I wish that we could have the kind of fun we used to have when he was at his peak. And down the field, I wish for
CORNERS AND SAFTIES
I wish Richard Marshall would start, and Christine Gamble would play nickel. I wish Ken Lucas well, and a nice end of is career somewhere else. I wish we would draft a real shut-down ball-hawking corner, or a heat-seeking missile of a safety, like Mike After-Dinner Minter used to be. I wish Mike was young again and back, but like seeing Peyton Manning in black’n-blue, that’s science fiction.
And while I’m wishing, I wish those nasty dreadlocks would go out of fashion. I’m surprised that if the league bans fun and celebrations, they wouldn’t ban these tacky forms of self-expression. But that’s just me. I wish the Panthurs would spend more time showing replays on the screen and not those stupid advertisements. I wish they’d let us take our shirts off. I wish they’d let people bring in posters critical of the team. I wish beer wasn’t so expensive in the stadium. And I wish they’d stop playing the Imperial March at the start of every defensive series. They’re just not that intimidating. I wish that one day, that the Panthers start scaring the league again, like the Pastry-rots do now. I wish that we would make a speedy return to playoff football, at least COMPETETIVE football, and most of all,
I wish all of you a Merry Christmas with your families, your friends and loved ones, and a very happy New Year.
And as I type out of sight, Good Tailgating to all, and to all-
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh, you know………
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Email me, The Cedar Street Seer
captntee@aol.com
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