THE PLAYOFF HANDICAP AND CLARIVOYANCE- DIVISIONAL WEEKEND

Happy Playoff Weekend Part 2, Fanz!

In my opinion, this is the very best weekend of the playoffs, and that includes the Super Bowl – The pretenders are out of the way, and the Elite Eight of the NFL are ready to entertain (or disgust) us with their urgent-there-is-no-tomorrow play –

I DID go 3 of 4 last weekend, and I’m giving myself an additional .5 in the scoring for correctly calling the manner in which the Saints-Leos game was played, only Detroit, sadly, failed to cover. I feel really good about going 4 for 4 this weekend . Read on –

NEW ORLEANS @ SAN FRANCISCO

Ahh, the reward for a top seed- a home game for your long suffering fans. Here’s one angle that’s been brought up ad nauseum – The Saints are winless on the road in their playoff history. The fact that they’ve been a different team on natural grass away from home reflects in the small Vegas line. Here’s where the most important part of the game will be played out – The defensive line of the Niners, along with the linebackers, will have to dictate the defense. There’s just too many options at receiver for Drew Brees for the secondary to cover. If they can get Brees out of his rhythm, perhaps they can slow the parade of points long enough to penetrate that average Saints defense and hold the lead before they wear out. I think this game stays close for most of the game, but you know that eventually, that mad-scientist offense will eventually overcome a gassed “D”. I’m not entirely confident in a San Francisco offense that’s lacking a bona-fide playmaker that’s not Frank Gore. I like the Saints to cover the -3 ½ on the road, and prepare for either a Tundra odyssey, or a triumphant return to The Superdome.

DENVER @ NEW ENGLANDGLAND

This is the game that most fans around the country are salivating for, not to mention CBS, which is probably charging Anheuiser-Busch boxcar loads of cash for advertising time on this game. Come to think of it, I think Dr. Cheat-a-Chek is salivating over this, too. Don’t think that a complete demolition of the Teblow Express is his one desire, as well as that of jilted coordinator Josh McDaniels. Here’s a fact- The past three seasons that the Pastry-Rots have made the playoffs, they have been bounced AT HOME. They won’t allow that this time. The Brady Bunch has scored in Saints-like proficiency on EVERY DEFENSE this season, never mind that their own defense has been Carolina Panther-like in defensive deficiency. The key to this game is whoever Cheat-a-Chek has “spying” on Timmy Terrific, much like Thomas Davis pretty much finished Mike Vick against the Panthers. It will need to be a stout linebacker, as TeBlow’s a big boy. Denver will get their points and their yards, no doubt about it. New EnglandGland won’t be able to contain the run AND Teblow’s heroics for the whole game, but like San Francisco’s dilemma against the Saints, there’s too many targets for Brady to hit, and that Broncoid defense will be gassed by the end of the third quarter. This is no crippled WorthlessBerger they’re playing against - The Pastry-Rots are as healthy as they’ve been all season, and this is where Teblowmania ends for the season. The line’s HUGE at 13 ½. That’s ridiculous. I have no doubt that the Brady Bunch pull this out. A decimated Squealer squad they are not, but Denver’s playing with house money now, and absolutely no pressure. All of the pressures on New EnglandGland, and at times, it will show. Brady wins, but the Broncoids cover.

HOUSTON @ BALTY-MOORE

Three of this weekend’s game feature prolific, entertaining offenses. This one’s the pig in the pageant, if you ask me. This has the making of an ugly, UGLY Schlobberknocker between two stout defenses. Paramount in the outcome of this game is the ability of the defensive line to stop the run. If Ray Rice gets loose for the Ravens, it could be tough for Houston. Conversely, that two headed monster of Foster and Tate presents matchup problems for Balty-moore. I think Wade Phillips’ game plan would be to stack the box against Rice, and make Slacco Flacco beat them. Flacco’s been wildly inconsistent this season, and I think that the Texan’s secondary can make it tough for the Raven’s receivers. Gary Kubiak will not need TJ Yates to win this game for him; he’s just not that kind of quarterback. Yates just needs to play unspectacular, mistake free football, and let Flacco do the screwing up. He will keep running and running and running the ball until Andre Johnson can get free of dangerous corner Ed Reed. Johnson will surely be the “X” factor in any chance of a Texans victory, but this game is certainly going to be in the hands of the defense. That Ravens defense is slowing down, and Houston’s is heating up. Balty-Moore’s had inexplicably BAD games this season – this will be another. UPSET! Houston to win a low-scoring game!

NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS @ GREEN BAY

The second best weekend in sports (the opening round of the NCAA Men’s Tournament is the best! Bar None!) closes out with a tundra-melting matchup between two of the hottest offenses of late. The Packers have assembled a near-perfect 15-1 record by OUTSCORING opponents, as their defense has been penetrated again and again by teams with prolific offenses. The Giants, however, have finally gotten a bit closer to the way they like to play defense. If they can pressure Rodgers into incompletions, they can keep this game close. I’m seeing a vastly entertaining shootout, the best game of the weekend. Eli Manning should have a HUGE game with this “triplet” of wideouts healthy and available, and Aaron Rodgers gets All-Pro Greg Jennings back, too. However, playoff football in December is largely predicated on defense, and how well you run the ball. Right now, the Giants are better at both than the Packers, and I like the Giants and the +7 ½ in this one, and it wouldn’t surprise me to see them win.

There you go, Fanz – get those bets in, and remember your Cedar Street Seer when you count your winnings!

I’ll be back for an extensive championship forecast on Saturday.

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