THE PLAYOFF HANDICAP AND CLARIVOYANCE - WILDCARD WEEKEND

Happy playoffs, Fanz!

Well, it’s not as happy as it’s going to be next year, as the Carolina Panthers make their return to the postseason after Mr. MopeyHead learns more about playing in this league – but it’s an intriguing weekend of games just the same – I fire up the clairvoyance gland and make some good picks for you –

CINCINNATI @ HOUSTON

We kick off the tournament with the Texans’ very first trip to the postseason, and they are arriving not quite as they had expected earlier in the year. Rookie TJ Yates will be starting under center, but he has Arian Foster ready to go, and Andre Johnson is FINALLY back after season-long problems with his hamstring. If he’s fully healed, expect Houston to throw to him often, opening up the run for Foster. They got their yardage against the Bengals last month, while keeping Cedric Benson in check. I’d imagine more of the same. They’ll be home, and fired up. The defenses will be controlling the game early, but as Yates starts to find his rhythm, I think the Texans distance themselves and wait for the aftermath of the Pissburgh-Denver game to make their flight reservations. I like the Texans and the -3 at home.

DETROIT @ NEW ORLEANS

After last week’s offensive explosions by BOTH teams, I’m salivating for more of the same tomorrow night- it’s possible that new playoff records for BOTH teams could be set as Drew Brees and Matt Stafford fling the biscuit to their Frisbee-catchin’ dogs. Defense? What defense? These teams will get their yards, believe me. The line for this game is at 10 ½! The last team getting this kind of line was the ’08 Panthers at home, and we all know what happened in THAT game. I ain’t buyin’ it. While the Saints should win this game, I think the Lions keep it close, right to the end. I like the Leos and the points, BIG TIME!

ATLANTA @ NEW YORK FOOTBALL GIANTS

The early game on Sunday has the GeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeMen back in the playoffs since their inspired Super Bowl run back in ’09 against the undefeated Pastry-Rots. The key for the Giants is to soften up that secondary, which is mediocre at best, and Eli Manning has the bullets to do it. On defense, they will need to slow Michael Turner, and put pressure on Matt Ryan. The Duckies have been playing small ball against the better opponents this season, and they had better not do that here. If the Giants O line can hold off John Abraham’s pass rush, they will carve the Duckies up like so much deli meat. And I think they will. Gimme GOTHAM and the -3!

PISSBURGH @ DENVER

The wild card games close out in the Mile High City – on paper this looks like a blowout. It’s not gonna be. The Squeelers are hurting in almost every position, particularly WorthlessBergers’ and his center Pouncey’s ankles, suffering from slow-to-heal high ankle sprains. SS Polomalu is dealing with a strained calf, which will hamper his speed, particularly in that elevated altitude of Invesco Field. They’ve not looked like the fearsome team they have been since their Dec 8th game against the Browns, and other than the game against the Lambs, have failed to cover. While Denver is suffering its own set of injuries, they still have a defense that will make things rough for a hurting WorthlessBerger. This is going to be one UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGLY game – If your betting the under, I’d surely take it. It wouldn’t be a big surprise to see the Broncoids pull the upset, but you can bet Dick LeBeau and that perennial potent Pissburgh “D” will force Timmy Terrific into uncomfortable situations. I think the Squeelers pull this out, but I’m on Denver and the +8 ½ at home.

There you go, Fanz!

Don’t go away for the season! I plan on being back a few times before the draft…

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