THE WEEKLY HANDICAP AND OTHER CLARIVOYANCES -WEEK 3

A happy Friday to you all! Hooray for the weekend, and from Independence @ East Meck to our Panthers goin’ to the JonesMahal, it’s balls-to-the wall football! I made some key calls last week, like the Bears/Steelers, Jets/Patsies, and Colts/Dolphins. Also blew a couple, like the Titans/Texans, Leos/Vikings, and Panthers/Duckies. But when the dust settled, I still came out ahead at 9-7, for a season record so far at 18-14. Winning in my book. With that, I tear into the menu.

TENNESSEE @ NY J*E*T*S
A lot of money’s moving to Tennessee this week, and I’m trying to get my mind around why – I know 0-3 for a playoff team from last year is to be avoided at all costs, but that’s the conundrum that confronts the Titans this Sunday. The Jets are on fire right now, and Sanchez is finding his groove, that defense is swarming, playing the way a REAL NFL defense should play (Take NOTE, Foxy!). I think they do to Kerry Collins what they did to Brady last week. They won’t have to score much, but I think they’ll outscore Tennessee. The line’s not much either, at 2 ½. Take the Jets.

JACKSONVILLE @ HOUSTON
Ok, which Texans show up for this PIVITOL divisional matchup? The one who played dead in the home opener, or the one that thumped the Titans in Nashville? I have a feeling that we’ll see last weeks team try to scrub away the stink of that opener. The Jaggy-whyers are still trying to find themselves, and a loud Houston stadium might be the wrong place to find it. The home Texans are favoured at -4, and I’d be inclined to take that.

KANSAS CITY @ PHILTHYDELPHIA
I’m not sure having Donovan McSnabb would have made a difference last week against the Saints, and I’m almost certain NOT having him will make a difference against the Chefs this weekend. Kevin Kolb gets the start, but Mikey Vick will be getting involved with the offense as well – AND he’s ALREADY made some disparaging remarks to NFL Today. Won’t matter, really. The offensive talent on the Iggles exceeds that of the Chefs. The line is off, but I like the Iggles, BIG.

CLEVELANDLAND @ BALTY-MOORE
Whoever plays behind Joey Flacco gets some playing time this Sunday. I’m pretty sure it’s Troy Smith.
Ravens roll. Come on, seriously! Quothers and -13 ½.

NY GEEEEEEMEN @ TAMPA BAY
The G’ints had a lot taken out of them last week at Jerry’s Big House, most notably, Justin Tuck. What REALLY surprised me was how slow and tentative supposed bruiser Brandon Jacobs was –I think the GeeMen wil be a little flat for this one, after all, these ARE the Suckaneers. Oh, Tampa will put a scare in ‘em, but the GEEMen will prevail. Brotha Manning will find enough eager young receivers to make a difference. But Tampa’s at home, the September air is still plenty oppressive now, and I’m convinced they’ll cover. Tampa Bay and the +6 ½.

WARSHINGTOON @ DETROIT
Ok, ok, the Leos let me down last week. I had a feeling, really I did. I have the same feeling this week. And if they let me down again, I’m not takin’ ‘em again for the rest of the season. The Deadskins are wretched, and the Leos ‘aint that bad. DC a 6 ½ point road favorite? I don’t care if it’s Detroit, that’s too much. Skins DO NOT get well in Motown. Not 6 ½ well, anyway. Detroit and + 6 ½.

GREEN BAY @ SAD LOUIS
I told you last week that the Lambs would challenge the Deadskins, DIDN’T I? No challenge this week, really. I’m still convinced last week’s Bungle Beatdown was an anomaly. Rogers and his FCD’s thump the Lambs. Really. Besides the Ravens, THIS is the blowout of the week.

SAN FRANCISCO @ MINI-SODA
Ok, Samurai has shown me somethin’. Can he make it three in a row? Can his Niners blunt AP and his overrated QB? Can the resurgent Candlestick Comrades make a game of it? The Seer says –

YES.

Take the Niners and the +7!

ATLANTA @ NEWENGLANDLAND
This game is way more important to the Pastry-Rots than the Duckies, who are tied for the early lead in the division. Historically, the Duckies’ game doesn’t play as well on turf as it does in Dome Sweet Dome. And this defense isn’t the NY Jets. And Brady has something to prove. I like the Patsies to get well here. Patsies by -4.

CHICAGO @ SEATTLE
In another of my “Told you so’s”, Da Bears did prevail against the Squeelers at home. Now Jay Cutler and Co. get to take their feel-good game on the road against the suddenly struggling Seadogs. Without Matt Hasslebeck, they are less than ordinary. Bears are favoured by -2. Sounds good to me.

N’AWLINS @ BUFFALO
I remember a game, I think it was back in 1989, in December, in a raging blizzard, where Bobby Hebert’s Saints and Dalton Hilliard beat the Bills, IN RICH STADIUM, 28-0. Don’t believe me? Look it up.
A big Saints beatdown of the Bills is still a possibility, after all of these years. Except now, it’s Drew Brees and his Frisbee-catchin’ dogs… Saints, big.

MIAMI @ SAN DIEGO
The Dolphins left so much on the field last Monday night, and now they have to fly to the Left Coast against a team smarting from the licks they took from the Quothers. San Diego’s defense is weak in spots, and I think it can be exploited. But Miami’s is plain worn out. This doesn’t feel good for Tuna and Tony. Chargers by -6.

PISSBURGH @ CINCINATTAH
A team that can’t run, and is missing the heart of its defense, with an immobile QB that holds the ball too long is ready for a two-game losing streak. Last week, I didn’t think it was possible. But the Bungle Beatdown in the Tundra has me thinking – Could Marvin Lewis’ defense actually be on to something? I’m leanin’ to the Bungles and +4.

DENVER @ OAKLAND
The Broncoids are at 2-0. Something about that doesn’t make sense. And the Schraiders actually have a pulse. These teams truly hate each other, and I think CrOakland’s due. Wrong team favoured. CrOakland by 1 ½.

INDIANAPOLIS @ ARID-ZONA
Look at the game I handicapped up three spots. Indy’s defense was kept on the field almost 45 minutes last Monday. Arizona big.

CAROLINA @ DALLAS
Something tells me this could be a blowout, but looking at these teams statistically, its potent offenses with mistake-prone QB’s against porous, horrid defenses. Could be a shootout, with the last team holding the ball winning the game. I think that 9 ½ point spread is pretty disrespectful to our Panthers. As that professional soothsayer Greg Roberts says, the Panthers on the road are a coverin’ machine. I agree. Take our ‘Cats and the +9 ½.

Ok, you’ve had three weeks, and soon to be four to make lotsa money from my clarivoyances. Be sure to shower the Seer with goodies come October 11th in the lot!

Last week- 9-7
Season 18-14

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