Steve Austin, the brave and fearless test pilot, was a little too brave on one fateful morning, destroying his plane in a horrific crash that all but should have killed him. Dedicated doctors and engineers, who were on the cutting edge of cybernetics, completely restored him, giving him bionic legs, a bionic arm, and a bionic eye. With these prosthetics, he could run at 60MPH, lift a truck with one hand, and see for miles the finest of details. All for the price tag of 6 million dollars. (BTW, the actor playing the Bionic Man, Lee Majors, really DID play football, for the Lost Angeles Lambs, at one time)
For 2.85 times that amount –
I think you know where I’m going with this –
We get Julius Peppers.
And at this time, because of his infathomable inability to perform up to his self-defined lofty standards of performance, he is now probably the most vilified of Panthers. He couldn’t SNIFF performance 1/100th of the ability of Major Austin, even on roids. But at one time he could. And because we know what he’s capable of doing, we the fans are even more enraged. Enraged, that his gameday paycheck is the amount of Dr. Evil’s version of fiscal perfection.
ONE
MEEEELEYON
DOHLLARS.
To get ONE TACKLE in possibly one of the most important games in franchise history, on football’s grandest weekly stage, is insult to not only US, the fan, but to his teammates who DO bust their ass in practice, AND on the field. How do his teammates NOT become incensed at his lack of production? If I’m Thomas Davis, Jon BEASTon, hell, even Captain Mummerlin, I’m spitting nails. At HIS direction, and that of management! Perhaps, just perhaps, this could be the crux of our defensive problems. Never mind that the obscene one year-contract hamstrings the team in signing players who could otherwise benefit the team. If the opposition marks first down after first down, how is the offense going to get on the field and get into a rhythm? Not happening, friends. And if our defense isn’t getting off the field, they are gassed by the time the fourth quarter rolls around. I don’t have to point to last night’s debacle to perfectly illustrate that point. I don’t have to tell you how invisible #90 was. Last night’s game was the most critical time for him to DOMINATE, to CONTROL THE GAME, to MAKE A DIFFERENCE.
And when the game was on the line-
Where was he?
On the sideline.
With this goofy, retarded oblivious look on his face.
Damn you.
Damn you, Fox, and Hurney, and you too, Richardsons, for not recognizing the handwriting on the wall with Peppers.
No, you know what- I take that back. Mr Richardson, that’s your money. You pull the financials on the team. You have the right to do whatever it is you want to do with this team. And if I was as good a coach or manager as Foxy and Hurney, I’d have a job in pro sports. But I’VE got money in this team, too! My PSL payment helped build the stadium that ensured your acquisition of the 29th franchise of the N F L. And that requires me, year after year, just like the rest of my lot family, to buy the season tickets, and the possible playoff tickets, even if the team is going to suck. Like this year.
And I just don’t want to rehash what we saw last night. Everyone saw it. Dallas was there to be had. Wade Phillips looked like a man walking the Green Mile for most of the game. All we needed was a few first downs, and the defense to duplicate what they had done in the first half, which was not terrible by the low standards this team has begun to set this young season. But this game was so poorly coached in the second half, I wondered if last year’s version of the Carolina Panthers was a cruel aberration.
Friends, I just gotta say. Three weeks into this season?
THIS TEAM SUCKS ASS!
I knew we had an ominous feeling of doom going into the season. I know I crowed about another 12-win season. That was before the preseason started, and things just didn’t look right. And now, instead of something appearing to be wrong, there IS something wrong, bad wrong, in the way this team executes, in ALL PHASES OF THE GAME. Which is head-bangingly frustrating to us fans who watched THIS VERY SAME GROUP OF PLAYERS soar to a 12-4 record last year! If the same group of players who excelled last year is vastly underperforming THIS year, then perhaps the focus of blame rest squarely on the coaching staff.
And what was once unimaginable is now tangible. Could John Fox be losing this team?
And if he is, it’s an indictment that he’s not going to escape from this time. And he’s running out of chances to make it right. A loss at home to the dreadful DeadSkins will pretty much finish the excitement and passion for the team from the fans. The sound of cheering will stop. And you wanna see UGLY? The next six home games will be excruciating for all involved.
I got tired of banging out negativity back in ’07 when I took Marc’s place on the rant box. I delighted in writing about the euphoria of success last year. And now, it looks like I’d better stock up on some serious venomous verbiage, adverse adjectives, and noxious nouns for the weeks to come.
And it starts with a LOOONG two weeks before Judgement Day against the DeadSkins.
Uuuhhhhhgggghhh.
I’m ranted out.
Gotta Comment?
Email me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
29 September, 2009
25 September, 2009
THE WEEKLY HANDICAP AND OTHER CLARIVOYANCES -WEEK 3
A happy Friday to you all! Hooray for the weekend, and from Independence @ East Meck to our Panthers goin’ to the JonesMahal, it’s balls-to-the wall football! I made some key calls last week, like the Bears/Steelers, Jets/Patsies, and Colts/Dolphins. Also blew a couple, like the Titans/Texans, Leos/Vikings, and Panthers/Duckies. But when the dust settled, I still came out ahead at 9-7, for a season record so far at 18-14. Winning in my book. With that, I tear into the menu.
TENNESSEE @ NY J*E*T*S
A lot of money’s moving to Tennessee this week, and I’m trying to get my mind around why – I know 0-3 for a playoff team from last year is to be avoided at all costs, but that’s the conundrum that confronts the Titans this Sunday. The Jets are on fire right now, and Sanchez is finding his groove, that defense is swarming, playing the way a REAL NFL defense should play (Take NOTE, Foxy!). I think they do to Kerry Collins what they did to Brady last week. They won’t have to score much, but I think they’ll outscore Tennessee. The line’s not much either, at 2 ½. Take the Jets.
JACKSONVILLE @ HOUSTON
Ok, which Texans show up for this PIVITOL divisional matchup? The one who played dead in the home opener, or the one that thumped the Titans in Nashville? I have a feeling that we’ll see last weeks team try to scrub away the stink of that opener. The Jaggy-whyers are still trying to find themselves, and a loud Houston stadium might be the wrong place to find it. The home Texans are favoured at -4, and I’d be inclined to take that.
KANSAS CITY @ PHILTHYDELPHIA
I’m not sure having Donovan McSnabb would have made a difference last week against the Saints, and I’m almost certain NOT having him will make a difference against the Chefs this weekend. Kevin Kolb gets the start, but Mikey Vick will be getting involved with the offense as well – AND he’s ALREADY made some disparaging remarks to NFL Today. Won’t matter, really. The offensive talent on the Iggles exceeds that of the Chefs. The line is off, but I like the Iggles, BIG.
CLEVELANDLAND @ BALTY-MOORE
Whoever plays behind Joey Flacco gets some playing time this Sunday. I’m pretty sure it’s Troy Smith.
Ravens roll. Come on, seriously! Quothers and -13 ½.
NY GEEEEEEMEN @ TAMPA BAY
The G’ints had a lot taken out of them last week at Jerry’s Big House, most notably, Justin Tuck. What REALLY surprised me was how slow and tentative supposed bruiser Brandon Jacobs was –I think the GeeMen wil be a little flat for this one, after all, these ARE the Suckaneers. Oh, Tampa will put a scare in ‘em, but the GEEMen will prevail. Brotha Manning will find enough eager young receivers to make a difference. But Tampa’s at home, the September air is still plenty oppressive now, and I’m convinced they’ll cover. Tampa Bay and the +6 ½.
WARSHINGTOON @ DETROIT
Ok, ok, the Leos let me down last week. I had a feeling, really I did. I have the same feeling this week. And if they let me down again, I’m not takin’ ‘em again for the rest of the season. The Deadskins are wretched, and the Leos ‘aint that bad. DC a 6 ½ point road favorite? I don’t care if it’s Detroit, that’s too much. Skins DO NOT get well in Motown. Not 6 ½ well, anyway. Detroit and + 6 ½.
GREEN BAY @ SAD LOUIS
I told you last week that the Lambs would challenge the Deadskins, DIDN’T I? No challenge this week, really. I’m still convinced last week’s Bungle Beatdown was an anomaly. Rogers and his FCD’s thump the Lambs. Really. Besides the Ravens, THIS is the blowout of the week.
SAN FRANCISCO @ MINI-SODA
Ok, Samurai has shown me somethin’. Can he make it three in a row? Can his Niners blunt AP and his overrated QB? Can the resurgent Candlestick Comrades make a game of it? The Seer says –
YES.
Take the Niners and the +7!
ATLANTA @ NEWENGLANDLAND
This game is way more important to the Pastry-Rots than the Duckies, who are tied for the early lead in the division. Historically, the Duckies’ game doesn’t play as well on turf as it does in Dome Sweet Dome. And this defense isn’t the NY Jets. And Brady has something to prove. I like the Patsies to get well here. Patsies by -4.
CHICAGO @ SEATTLE
In another of my “Told you so’s”, Da Bears did prevail against the Squeelers at home. Now Jay Cutler and Co. get to take their feel-good game on the road against the suddenly struggling Seadogs. Without Matt Hasslebeck, they are less than ordinary. Bears are favoured by -2. Sounds good to me.
N’AWLINS @ BUFFALO
I remember a game, I think it was back in 1989, in December, in a raging blizzard, where Bobby Hebert’s Saints and Dalton Hilliard beat the Bills, IN RICH STADIUM, 28-0. Don’t believe me? Look it up.
A big Saints beatdown of the Bills is still a possibility, after all of these years. Except now, it’s Drew Brees and his Frisbee-catchin’ dogs… Saints, big.
MIAMI @ SAN DIEGO
The Dolphins left so much on the field last Monday night, and now they have to fly to the Left Coast against a team smarting from the licks they took from the Quothers. San Diego’s defense is weak in spots, and I think it can be exploited. But Miami’s is plain worn out. This doesn’t feel good for Tuna and Tony. Chargers by -6.
PISSBURGH @ CINCINATTAH
A team that can’t run, and is missing the heart of its defense, with an immobile QB that holds the ball too long is ready for a two-game losing streak. Last week, I didn’t think it was possible. But the Bungle Beatdown in the Tundra has me thinking – Could Marvin Lewis’ defense actually be on to something? I’m leanin’ to the Bungles and +4.
DENVER @ OAKLAND
The Broncoids are at 2-0. Something about that doesn’t make sense. And the Schraiders actually have a pulse. These teams truly hate each other, and I think CrOakland’s due. Wrong team favoured. CrOakland by 1 ½.
INDIANAPOLIS @ ARID-ZONA
Look at the game I handicapped up three spots. Indy’s defense was kept on the field almost 45 minutes last Monday. Arizona big.
CAROLINA @ DALLAS
Something tells me this could be a blowout, but looking at these teams statistically, its potent offenses with mistake-prone QB’s against porous, horrid defenses. Could be a shootout, with the last team holding the ball winning the game. I think that 9 ½ point spread is pretty disrespectful to our Panthers. As that professional soothsayer Greg Roberts says, the Panthers on the road are a coverin’ machine. I agree. Take our ‘Cats and the +9 ½.
Ok, you’ve had three weeks, and soon to be four to make lotsa money from my clarivoyances. Be sure to shower the Seer with goodies come October 11th in the lot!
Last week- 9-7
Season 18-14
Gotta Comment?
Email me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
TENNESSEE @ NY J*E*T*S
A lot of money’s moving to Tennessee this week, and I’m trying to get my mind around why – I know 0-3 for a playoff team from last year is to be avoided at all costs, but that’s the conundrum that confronts the Titans this Sunday. The Jets are on fire right now, and Sanchez is finding his groove, that defense is swarming, playing the way a REAL NFL defense should play (Take NOTE, Foxy!). I think they do to Kerry Collins what they did to Brady last week. They won’t have to score much, but I think they’ll outscore Tennessee. The line’s not much either, at 2 ½. Take the Jets.
JACKSONVILLE @ HOUSTON
Ok, which Texans show up for this PIVITOL divisional matchup? The one who played dead in the home opener, or the one that thumped the Titans in Nashville? I have a feeling that we’ll see last weeks team try to scrub away the stink of that opener. The Jaggy-whyers are still trying to find themselves, and a loud Houston stadium might be the wrong place to find it. The home Texans are favoured at -4, and I’d be inclined to take that.
KANSAS CITY @ PHILTHYDELPHIA
I’m not sure having Donovan McSnabb would have made a difference last week against the Saints, and I’m almost certain NOT having him will make a difference against the Chefs this weekend. Kevin Kolb gets the start, but Mikey Vick will be getting involved with the offense as well – AND he’s ALREADY made some disparaging remarks to NFL Today. Won’t matter, really. The offensive talent on the Iggles exceeds that of the Chefs. The line is off, but I like the Iggles, BIG.
CLEVELANDLAND @ BALTY-MOORE
Whoever plays behind Joey Flacco gets some playing time this Sunday. I’m pretty sure it’s Troy Smith.
Ravens roll. Come on, seriously! Quothers and -13 ½.
NY GEEEEEEMEN @ TAMPA BAY
The G’ints had a lot taken out of them last week at Jerry’s Big House, most notably, Justin Tuck. What REALLY surprised me was how slow and tentative supposed bruiser Brandon Jacobs was –I think the GeeMen wil be a little flat for this one, after all, these ARE the Suckaneers. Oh, Tampa will put a scare in ‘em, but the GEEMen will prevail. Brotha Manning will find enough eager young receivers to make a difference. But Tampa’s at home, the September air is still plenty oppressive now, and I’m convinced they’ll cover. Tampa Bay and the +6 ½.
WARSHINGTOON @ DETROIT
Ok, ok, the Leos let me down last week. I had a feeling, really I did. I have the same feeling this week. And if they let me down again, I’m not takin’ ‘em again for the rest of the season. The Deadskins are wretched, and the Leos ‘aint that bad. DC a 6 ½ point road favorite? I don’t care if it’s Detroit, that’s too much. Skins DO NOT get well in Motown. Not 6 ½ well, anyway. Detroit and + 6 ½.
GREEN BAY @ SAD LOUIS
I told you last week that the Lambs would challenge the Deadskins, DIDN’T I? No challenge this week, really. I’m still convinced last week’s Bungle Beatdown was an anomaly. Rogers and his FCD’s thump the Lambs. Really. Besides the Ravens, THIS is the blowout of the week.
SAN FRANCISCO @ MINI-SODA
Ok, Samurai has shown me somethin’. Can he make it three in a row? Can his Niners blunt AP and his overrated QB? Can the resurgent Candlestick Comrades make a game of it? The Seer says –
YES.
Take the Niners and the +7!
ATLANTA @ NEWENGLANDLAND
This game is way more important to the Pastry-Rots than the Duckies, who are tied for the early lead in the division. Historically, the Duckies’ game doesn’t play as well on turf as it does in Dome Sweet Dome. And this defense isn’t the NY Jets. And Brady has something to prove. I like the Patsies to get well here. Patsies by -4.
CHICAGO @ SEATTLE
In another of my “Told you so’s”, Da Bears did prevail against the Squeelers at home. Now Jay Cutler and Co. get to take their feel-good game on the road against the suddenly struggling Seadogs. Without Matt Hasslebeck, they are less than ordinary. Bears are favoured by -2. Sounds good to me.
N’AWLINS @ BUFFALO
I remember a game, I think it was back in 1989, in December, in a raging blizzard, where Bobby Hebert’s Saints and Dalton Hilliard beat the Bills, IN RICH STADIUM, 28-0. Don’t believe me? Look it up.
A big Saints beatdown of the Bills is still a possibility, after all of these years. Except now, it’s Drew Brees and his Frisbee-catchin’ dogs… Saints, big.
MIAMI @ SAN DIEGO
The Dolphins left so much on the field last Monday night, and now they have to fly to the Left Coast against a team smarting from the licks they took from the Quothers. San Diego’s defense is weak in spots, and I think it can be exploited. But Miami’s is plain worn out. This doesn’t feel good for Tuna and Tony. Chargers by -6.
PISSBURGH @ CINCINATTAH
A team that can’t run, and is missing the heart of its defense, with an immobile QB that holds the ball too long is ready for a two-game losing streak. Last week, I didn’t think it was possible. But the Bungle Beatdown in the Tundra has me thinking – Could Marvin Lewis’ defense actually be on to something? I’m leanin’ to the Bungles and +4.
DENVER @ OAKLAND
The Broncoids are at 2-0. Something about that doesn’t make sense. And the Schraiders actually have a pulse. These teams truly hate each other, and I think CrOakland’s due. Wrong team favoured. CrOakland by 1 ½.
INDIANAPOLIS @ ARID-ZONA
Look at the game I handicapped up three spots. Indy’s defense was kept on the field almost 45 minutes last Monday. Arizona big.
CAROLINA @ DALLAS
Something tells me this could be a blowout, but looking at these teams statistically, its potent offenses with mistake-prone QB’s against porous, horrid defenses. Could be a shootout, with the last team holding the ball winning the game. I think that 9 ½ point spread is pretty disrespectful to our Panthers. As that professional soothsayer Greg Roberts says, the Panthers on the road are a coverin’ machine. I agree. Take our ‘Cats and the +9 ½.
Ok, you’ve had three weeks, and soon to be four to make lotsa money from my clarivoyances. Be sure to shower the Seer with goodies come October 11th in the lot!
Last week- 9-7
Season 18-14
Gotta Comment?
Email me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
20 September, 2009
UNDERWHELMED
I’m sitting at the keyboard this afternoon, trying to summon up a rant.
How do you go from absolutely wretched last week to offensively average this week, and from defensively wretched last week, to defensively porous this week? When you start the season with low expectations, and experience the failure to even meet that, how do you work up the bile to spew? Or the pride to crow? I feel completely underwhelmed by what we saw today in Atlanta.
The offense of the Panthers isn’t the problem. The coaching is one part of it. I saw abominable clock management at the end of the second half which COULD have been some points, but nooooo, Foxy didn’t call one of his TWO remaining timeouts! The defense is the other part. It’s simply not good enough to win at the highest NFL levels. This team is going to be carved to pieces by strong passing teams, and run over roughshod by those strong rushing teams. To win this year, the Panthers are simply going to have to outscore the opponents. And make sure A.J. SeemeTouchmeHearmeFEELEY learns the playbook.
And, despite the late pick Jake threw at the end of the game, this loss is NOT hung on him. He made a good throw, and the defender read the play well. At this stage of the game, you have to involve your big playmaker. Jake did that. How many plays did the million-dollar lineman make? I remember an NCAA tournament, oddly enough, when USC’S Tony Gonzales was abused by Julius Pepper’s Tar Heels. For one game, Peppers dominated. On this day, the roles were reversed. Peppers made no serious contributions to the game. The defense hemorrhaged yard after yard. Even had Smitty made that catch with 2.34 left in the game, and the Panthers somehow managed to win, I would still be beating this defense with the nuclear ugly stick. I can’t believe I’m saying this –
I’m actually starting to miss Turkey-Vac.
You know what this loss means? 0-2 teams have an only 22% chance of making the playoffs. This loss means further eclipsing of this team as a major NFL brand. This loss means that once again, our stadium becomes full of the other teams fans. Look who’s coming to our house this year! The Redskins. Buffalo. Miami. New Orleans. Atlanta. Mini-Soda. These teams have both devoted and bandwagon fans well represented in this region of the country. How easy will it be for them to get tickets from us fair weather fans who will start selling them off enmasse when Dallas is victorious next Monday night? Get ready, Pantherfanz, to endure once again, a season of disappointment in our house. Thanks to all of the so-called fans who wouldn’t lower themselves to pull for their 1-14 team in a sub-freezing rain at the end of the season. Thanks to all of the season ticket owners who think their role is to show up, sit down, and wait to be entertained. And thanks for not putting forth the effort to cheer. And thanks for chiding us who do. This is what’s coming down the pike, y’all. Facist Stadium is fixin’ to go dictatorial on us. It’s gonna be ugly.
So, we have a mandate, friends. We, the minority, the TRUE fans that don’t look through spectacles of false optimism, have a job to do. While it’s true, there’s 14 games left to be played, and it’s foolish to already write off the season, we need to be realistic about our team’s quality level. Let’s be good, knowledgeable fans, show up to the games, cheer when we should, boo when we should, and party hearty in our respective tailgating lots. Let’s not abandon the season just because the playoffs might not be in our future. Let’s appreciate the team for playing the game. Let’s be grateful for the opportunity to come to an NFL stadium, and watch this sport being played at its highest level. If we can’t totally love the team, let’s totally love the game they play.
I’m ranted out.
See you Friday with the picks.
Gotta Comment?
Email me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
How do you go from absolutely wretched last week to offensively average this week, and from defensively wretched last week, to defensively porous this week? When you start the season with low expectations, and experience the failure to even meet that, how do you work up the bile to spew? Or the pride to crow? I feel completely underwhelmed by what we saw today in Atlanta.
The offense of the Panthers isn’t the problem. The coaching is one part of it. I saw abominable clock management at the end of the second half which COULD have been some points, but nooooo, Foxy didn’t call one of his TWO remaining timeouts! The defense is the other part. It’s simply not good enough to win at the highest NFL levels. This team is going to be carved to pieces by strong passing teams, and run over roughshod by those strong rushing teams. To win this year, the Panthers are simply going to have to outscore the opponents. And make sure A.J. SeemeTouchmeHearmeFEELEY learns the playbook.
And, despite the late pick Jake threw at the end of the game, this loss is NOT hung on him. He made a good throw, and the defender read the play well. At this stage of the game, you have to involve your big playmaker. Jake did that. How many plays did the million-dollar lineman make? I remember an NCAA tournament, oddly enough, when USC’S Tony Gonzales was abused by Julius Pepper’s Tar Heels. For one game, Peppers dominated. On this day, the roles were reversed. Peppers made no serious contributions to the game. The defense hemorrhaged yard after yard. Even had Smitty made that catch with 2.34 left in the game, and the Panthers somehow managed to win, I would still be beating this defense with the nuclear ugly stick. I can’t believe I’m saying this –
I’m actually starting to miss Turkey-Vac.
You know what this loss means? 0-2 teams have an only 22% chance of making the playoffs. This loss means further eclipsing of this team as a major NFL brand. This loss means that once again, our stadium becomes full of the other teams fans. Look who’s coming to our house this year! The Redskins. Buffalo. Miami. New Orleans. Atlanta. Mini-Soda. These teams have both devoted and bandwagon fans well represented in this region of the country. How easy will it be for them to get tickets from us fair weather fans who will start selling them off enmasse when Dallas is victorious next Monday night? Get ready, Pantherfanz, to endure once again, a season of disappointment in our house. Thanks to all of the so-called fans who wouldn’t lower themselves to pull for their 1-14 team in a sub-freezing rain at the end of the season. Thanks to all of the season ticket owners who think their role is to show up, sit down, and wait to be entertained. And thanks for not putting forth the effort to cheer. And thanks for chiding us who do. This is what’s coming down the pike, y’all. Facist Stadium is fixin’ to go dictatorial on us. It’s gonna be ugly.
So, we have a mandate, friends. We, the minority, the TRUE fans that don’t look through spectacles of false optimism, have a job to do. While it’s true, there’s 14 games left to be played, and it’s foolish to already write off the season, we need to be realistic about our team’s quality level. Let’s be good, knowledgeable fans, show up to the games, cheer when we should, boo when we should, and party hearty in our respective tailgating lots. Let’s not abandon the season just because the playoffs might not be in our future. Let’s appreciate the team for playing the game. Let’s be grateful for the opportunity to come to an NFL stadium, and watch this sport being played at its highest level. If we can’t totally love the team, let’s totally love the game they play.
I’m ranted out.
See you Friday with the picks.
Gotta Comment?
Email me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
18 September, 2009
THE WEEKLY HANDICAP AND OTHER CLARIVOYANCES - WEEK 2
A very happy Friday Week 2 evening to you, Fanz. I break away from the stressful weekday working world and the intoxicating comfort of my workshop to bang away at the key board, further tuning up my clairvoyance gland to bring you the most accurate NFL forecasting that I know of. I did go 9-7 last week, a winning record, yes, but not the flourish I ended last year’s regular season with. But I anticipate solid improvement as the weeks go on, and I’d be more than happy to share in your winnings earned by the benefit of my clear and precise vision. Let’s go to the games,
SHALL WE???
CrOAKLAND @ KANSAS CITY
Both of these teams looked respectable in their season openers, and the good news is, one of these teams will WIN on Sunday! I actually have a soft spot for the Chefs, but I was quite impressed with the Schraider’s running attack against the vaunted Chargers. If The Cable Guy is half way capable of coaching his way out of a paper bag, I’d expect him to exploit that advantage at Arrowhead. Wrong team favoured – take the Schraiders, for this one time, and the + 3.
HOUSTON @ TENNESSEE
There’s no doubt in my mind that the Titans were the better team last week against the Squeelers. And they will prove it this Sunday against a flattened Texans team that went simply limp against a game J*E*T*S squad. Nashville’s a tough place to find your footing after getting blown out at home. Jump all over the Titans and the – 6 ½ points.
NEW ENGLANDLAND @ NY J*E*T*S
Glory is fleeting in the NFL, and sometimes it’s even week-to-week. Mark Sanchez will falter at some point, all rookies do. But if BUFFALO, yes, BUFFALO, looked as good as it did at Foxboro on Monday night, I’d expect the Pastry-Rots to get the Jets’ very best game. Expect Coach Rexy to blitz Pretty Boy on almost every down. They will get to him, I guarantee. Wrong team favoured in this one, too. Take the J*E*T*S straight up to win!
CINCINATTI @ GREEN BAY
Oh, cruel fate, why do you continuously mock the Bungles? Don’t answer that. In a thoroughly unwatchable game last week, a tipped ball snatched defeat from a certain victory for the wretched QC’ers. And Green Bay’s just getting started. This will be one of the day’s big blowouts. Take the Packers, big, and the -9.
MINI-SODA @ DETROIT
Do any of you find it odd that Brett Favre is earning so much more than Adrian Peterson? Do any of you think that if something happened to AP that the ancient Mississippi fossil could lead them to victory? Do any of you think I’m being too harsh on the handsome Wrangler spokesman? I got a feeling about this game. The Saints are SO much better offensively that the Vikings. I’m expecting them to bury MOST of their opponents this year, and they did that last week against this Lions squad. There’s no doubt the Vikings will win this game, but I think 10 points is too much. I again, I gotta feeling. I had the same feeling last year, but this year it’s fo’ real. Gimme the Leos and the + 10.
NEW ORLEANS @ PHILTHYDELPHIA
Ok, admit it. The Panthers giftwrapped last weeks game to the Iggles in turnover – decorated paper. This week, there’s no stopping that Saints offensive juggernaut. Yes, their defense is suspect, still, but who needs defense when Drew Brees can score AT WILL on virtually ANY defense in the league? Kevin Kolb is not Donovan McSnabb, but he won’t need to be. Philty will score enough points, just not enough to overcome the Loozy-ana onslaught. An enjoyable shootout, now a pick ‘em. Pick the Saints.
CAROLINA @ ATLANTA
A great place to get over a WRETCHED home performance that has come close to forcing a divorce between Jake Delhomme and the Panther’s fans is on the road. A bad place to get a much –needed win is the Georgia Dome, where the Puddycats have sucked more than succeeded. I’m not sold on the Duckie’s defense, and I think the game plan will be much focused on the running attack, which was abandoned all too quickly last week. It will be tough stopping the Duckies, though. I don’t believe in the Panther defense, and I don’t believe they’ll win. But I think they keep it close. Take the Panthers and that insulting + 6 1/2 points.
ST LOOEY @ WARSHINGTOON
Last year, an incredibly bad St. Looey team came to DC and vanquished the Fredskins.
Not sure they’ll do it again, but the DeadSkins are even worse than they were last year. The Lambs are about the same. And that point spread is ridiculous. Take the Lambs, YES, the Lambs and the + 10 points.
ARID-ZONA @ JACKSONVILLE
Some things to remember. The Cardy-noles coming East to play early games usually end in defeat for the denizens of the desert. The Jaggy-whyers performed much better against the Colts than most expected. Vegas sees it too. Jag-you-wires ROLL.
They’re favoured by 3, and I’d expect them to beat them worse than that. Take ‘em Jags.
SEATTLE @ SAN FRANCISCO
This could be a pretty entertaining game for those fans on the Left Coast. Seattle opened up big over a hapless Lambs team, and Samurai’s Niner’s did an awesome job against those one-time NFC chumps. I know, I know, Shaun Hill had no business being on the same field as Kurt Warner, but you know what? They played a terrific team game. I’m quick to favour the better QB in this game as well. Wrong team favoured in this one. Gimme the SeaDogz and the + 1 ½ points. Come back and play next week, Samurai.
TAMPA BAY @ BUFFALO
The Suckaneers are worse than they were last year. The Bills are better than they were last year. The results will manifest themselves this Sunday, as the Bills need to get over the game they absolutely HANDED to the Pastry-Rots last Monday. Take the Bills, big, over the Suckaneers.
CLEVELANDLAND @ DENVER
Uggh. A game only a Broncoid or Brownie could love. Talk about WORSE than last year! Know what? Gimme Clevelandland. And the + 3 points.
BALTY-MOORE @ SAN DIEGO
The Chargers finally came to life against a game Schraider squad, and the Ravens toyed around with the Chefs. This is a big game for both. I think the Charger’s defense got exposed a little by CrOakland’s rushing attack, and I think the vastly superior Ravens O will take advantage. The overall better defense prevails on this day. Wrong team favoured once again by Vegas – Gimme them Quothers and the +3 points!
PISSBURGH @ CHICAGO
Last week, the Squeeler rushing attack was virtually non-existant. The Bears are not quite the Titans, but they don’t need to be. I think Willie Parker has lost a step or two, and Mendenhall has yet to prove himself. Worse yet for the Squeelers, the very heart of their defense, the luxuriantly maned Polumanu is out for the foreseeable future. That hurts worse than the loss of the aging Urlacher for the Bears. This is going to be another early “body bag” game, which a soiten team from Chicago is gonna win. Daaaa…. BEARS! Gimme DA BEARS straight up!
NY GEEEMEN @ DALLAS
The Cowpuppies, having enjoyed a laugher last week against the Suckaneers, now christen their new BILLION dollar palace with a REAL opponent – The G’ints are still trying to find their passing legs, and having Hakeem Nicks out with a foot injury doesn’t help. Still, that punishing running game should be plenty against a team that continues to struggle against the run. Big coming out party for Jerry’s JonesMahal spoiled by Big Blue. AGAIN – Wrong team favoured. Gimme the GEEEEEEEEEmen and the +3.
INDIANAPOLIS @ MIAMI
A warm Miami evening welcomes the AFC East winning Dullfins back after an embarrassing loss to the Duckies last week. And it just gets harder now. But I still think Miami’s a decent team, and will play the Colts tight, who are down one of Brotha Manning’s favourite weapons in Anthony Gonzales. But he’ll find plenty of other targets to pull this thing out. Visiting Colts and the -3.
There you go, Fanz – take it to the bookie, then the bank, and then bring it to the lot.
Enjoy the games.
Gotta Comment?
Email me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
SHALL WE???
CrOAKLAND @ KANSAS CITY
Both of these teams looked respectable in their season openers, and the good news is, one of these teams will WIN on Sunday! I actually have a soft spot for the Chefs, but I was quite impressed with the Schraider’s running attack against the vaunted Chargers. If The Cable Guy is half way capable of coaching his way out of a paper bag, I’d expect him to exploit that advantage at Arrowhead. Wrong team favoured – take the Schraiders, for this one time, and the + 3.
HOUSTON @ TENNESSEE
There’s no doubt in my mind that the Titans were the better team last week against the Squeelers. And they will prove it this Sunday against a flattened Texans team that went simply limp against a game J*E*T*S squad. Nashville’s a tough place to find your footing after getting blown out at home. Jump all over the Titans and the – 6 ½ points.
NEW ENGLANDLAND @ NY J*E*T*S
Glory is fleeting in the NFL, and sometimes it’s even week-to-week. Mark Sanchez will falter at some point, all rookies do. But if BUFFALO, yes, BUFFALO, looked as good as it did at Foxboro on Monday night, I’d expect the Pastry-Rots to get the Jets’ very best game. Expect Coach Rexy to blitz Pretty Boy on almost every down. They will get to him, I guarantee. Wrong team favoured in this one, too. Take the J*E*T*S straight up to win!
CINCINATTI @ GREEN BAY
Oh, cruel fate, why do you continuously mock the Bungles? Don’t answer that. In a thoroughly unwatchable game last week, a tipped ball snatched defeat from a certain victory for the wretched QC’ers. And Green Bay’s just getting started. This will be one of the day’s big blowouts. Take the Packers, big, and the -9.
MINI-SODA @ DETROIT
Do any of you find it odd that Brett Favre is earning so much more than Adrian Peterson? Do any of you think that if something happened to AP that the ancient Mississippi fossil could lead them to victory? Do any of you think I’m being too harsh on the handsome Wrangler spokesman? I got a feeling about this game. The Saints are SO much better offensively that the Vikings. I’m expecting them to bury MOST of their opponents this year, and they did that last week against this Lions squad. There’s no doubt the Vikings will win this game, but I think 10 points is too much. I again, I gotta feeling. I had the same feeling last year, but this year it’s fo’ real. Gimme the Leos and the + 10.
NEW ORLEANS @ PHILTHYDELPHIA
Ok, admit it. The Panthers giftwrapped last weeks game to the Iggles in turnover – decorated paper. This week, there’s no stopping that Saints offensive juggernaut. Yes, their defense is suspect, still, but who needs defense when Drew Brees can score AT WILL on virtually ANY defense in the league? Kevin Kolb is not Donovan McSnabb, but he won’t need to be. Philty will score enough points, just not enough to overcome the Loozy-ana onslaught. An enjoyable shootout, now a pick ‘em. Pick the Saints.
CAROLINA @ ATLANTA
A great place to get over a WRETCHED home performance that has come close to forcing a divorce between Jake Delhomme and the Panther’s fans is on the road. A bad place to get a much –needed win is the Georgia Dome, where the Puddycats have sucked more than succeeded. I’m not sold on the Duckie’s defense, and I think the game plan will be much focused on the running attack, which was abandoned all too quickly last week. It will be tough stopping the Duckies, though. I don’t believe in the Panther defense, and I don’t believe they’ll win. But I think they keep it close. Take the Panthers and that insulting + 6 1/2 points.
ST LOOEY @ WARSHINGTOON
Last year, an incredibly bad St. Looey team came to DC and vanquished the Fredskins.
Not sure they’ll do it again, but the DeadSkins are even worse than they were last year. The Lambs are about the same. And that point spread is ridiculous. Take the Lambs, YES, the Lambs and the + 10 points.
ARID-ZONA @ JACKSONVILLE
Some things to remember. The Cardy-noles coming East to play early games usually end in defeat for the denizens of the desert. The Jaggy-whyers performed much better against the Colts than most expected. Vegas sees it too. Jag-you-wires ROLL.
They’re favoured by 3, and I’d expect them to beat them worse than that. Take ‘em Jags.
SEATTLE @ SAN FRANCISCO
This could be a pretty entertaining game for those fans on the Left Coast. Seattle opened up big over a hapless Lambs team, and Samurai’s Niner’s did an awesome job against those one-time NFC chumps. I know, I know, Shaun Hill had no business being on the same field as Kurt Warner, but you know what? They played a terrific team game. I’m quick to favour the better QB in this game as well. Wrong team favoured in this one. Gimme the SeaDogz and the + 1 ½ points. Come back and play next week, Samurai.
TAMPA BAY @ BUFFALO
The Suckaneers are worse than they were last year. The Bills are better than they were last year. The results will manifest themselves this Sunday, as the Bills need to get over the game they absolutely HANDED to the Pastry-Rots last Monday. Take the Bills, big, over the Suckaneers.
CLEVELANDLAND @ DENVER
Uggh. A game only a Broncoid or Brownie could love. Talk about WORSE than last year! Know what? Gimme Clevelandland. And the + 3 points.
BALTY-MOORE @ SAN DIEGO
The Chargers finally came to life against a game Schraider squad, and the Ravens toyed around with the Chefs. This is a big game for both. I think the Charger’s defense got exposed a little by CrOakland’s rushing attack, and I think the vastly superior Ravens O will take advantage. The overall better defense prevails on this day. Wrong team favoured once again by Vegas – Gimme them Quothers and the +3 points!
PISSBURGH @ CHICAGO
Last week, the Squeeler rushing attack was virtually non-existant. The Bears are not quite the Titans, but they don’t need to be. I think Willie Parker has lost a step or two, and Mendenhall has yet to prove himself. Worse yet for the Squeelers, the very heart of their defense, the luxuriantly maned Polumanu is out for the foreseeable future. That hurts worse than the loss of the aging Urlacher for the Bears. This is going to be another early “body bag” game, which a soiten team from Chicago is gonna win. Daaaa…. BEARS! Gimme DA BEARS straight up!
NY GEEEMEN @ DALLAS
The Cowpuppies, having enjoyed a laugher last week against the Suckaneers, now christen their new BILLION dollar palace with a REAL opponent – The G’ints are still trying to find their passing legs, and having Hakeem Nicks out with a foot injury doesn’t help. Still, that punishing running game should be plenty against a team that continues to struggle against the run. Big coming out party for Jerry’s JonesMahal spoiled by Big Blue. AGAIN – Wrong team favoured. Gimme the GEEEEEEEEEmen and the +3.
INDIANAPOLIS @ MIAMI
A warm Miami evening welcomes the AFC East winning Dullfins back after an embarrassing loss to the Duckies last week. And it just gets harder now. But I still think Miami’s a decent team, and will play the Colts tight, who are down one of Brotha Manning’s favourite weapons in Anthony Gonzales. But he’ll find plenty of other targets to pull this thing out. Visiting Colts and the -3.
There you go, Fanz – take it to the bookie, then the bank, and then bring it to the lot.
Enjoy the games.
Gotta Comment?
Email me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
13 September, 2009
A GREAT TIME WAS HAD...
Knowing what we knew going into this party…
Dano could be the new “Cedar Street Seer”.
“We’re your support group” he hollered over the brand new mega-rockin’ Pantherfanz sound system-
How prophetic he was on that infamous Thursday night last week when we closed out the suckiest pre-season we’ve had in some time. Perhaps ever.
But tell me – Who among you REALLY thought the Panthers were going to claw themselves to an impressive first season victory today? Come on! It felt like it in the first quarter, but a replay of the “Bad Jake” record started again.
Back to that later.
A permanently, and poignant, happy ending to “EjectGate”happened today. Scott Paul, the stadium manager, John Ross, the kid who ejected me Sept 3rd, and HIS boss had a pretty quick meeting in my section today, pre-game. He was pretty much told that the way I cheer was good for the team, good for the section, and that was it. They will leave me alone for the foreseeable future. So, I’m still curious, why was I ejected? I’m getting over that. I also found it curious that a new, older, gentleman in the fascist red shirt was patrolling my section after that meeting. How sad it is, that I’m not feeling a lot different about the bad vibe in the stadium. Kathie and I went to the opposite side of the stadium,and REFUSED access to the section Blu and Julie sit in! WTF?? The game had gone into the 4th quarter, and had long been decided, and they’re gonna be NAZIS about letting us connect? Sorry, Stadium Staff –
I’m still of the mindset this is STILL Fascist Stadium. A season that started ended badly that has resumed badly certainly isn’t going to help the vibe for all of us hard-working PantherFanz. For now, I hang up the sword against my oppressors. But I title this rant how I have because –
Despite the sub-crappy performance of our team-
I had a terrific time in the lot. It was awesome seeing Kathie enjoy conversation with “strangers” (well to her, at least), talking with Tina about the lizard she caught, getting fired up with fellow fanz about yesterday’s college football contests. Kathie twirling little Eli Hastings around and seeing the delight on his face. Julie’s Birthday. Life. And a party, with the Panthers as an excuse. It was then, I realized that the reason we all get together transcends whatever the Panthers do.
Football.
We were all in love with the game before we assembled in the Cedar Street lot for a big buzz and great fellowship. I took an impromptu poll after the game – It was a “Tower Of Babel” list of teams – 49ers, Saints, Giants, Pastry-Rots, Dolphins, Cowboys, DeadSkins, on and on and on. I realized I had that passion yesterday, not only in cheering on my Tar Heels, but in getting intensely involved in the Notre Dame/Michigan game. I have no dog in that fight, except for the fact I think that school in South Bend, Indiana is one of the most overrated and overexposed programs in college football. And I like saying – “MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMICHIGAN!” Sorry, Patty. So, if the Panthers aren’t playing the kind of football we’re accustomed to, the game is being played to an exciting level somewhere else that we’re connected to.
Long live Football!
Long live passes to our children on a crispy fall day. Long live the intoxicating fragrance of grills firing up on gameday. Long live the fellowship of slightly inebriated football fanatics dissecting or forecasting games played, and games to play. Long live the lingering taste of the succulent meat coming off those fragrant grills. Long live the scratching of dancing feet into the Cedar Street gravel. Collins, Greene, and Biakabatukka have gone. We’ve seen Steve Young, Brett Favre, and other stars have crappy games in our stadium. Most of you are gone, and one of you should be.
And soon, Jake Delhomme, Julis Peppers, and yes John Fox and Marty Hurney will be gone.
After today, I’m thinking sooner than later.
And I’m thinking about ancient Rome. If our Panthers were gladiators, Jake’s body would be feeding the lions right now. And the rest of the team, save Jon BEASTON and DWill and JStew would be on notice that they would be “feeding” the wildlife on the next dreadful performance. But there are 15 games left in the season. So soon to bury your team, oh Crazy Joe? Yes I am. What I saw in the last few games of last season, to what I’ve seen in this one is a STARK difference to another game played six years ago. Remember? The 2nd year coach, John Fox, benched his starting QB, Rodney Peete, for a relative unknown Jake Delhomme after a listless first half. The stadium came to life. And it was cheering for him until the second half of last year’s playoff game. And friends,
The city is finished cheering for him. Unfair? Debatable. Expected? You betcha. In this “win now” mentality of the No Fair League, there are no more Walter Peytons, no more Neil Lomaxes, no more Dan Marinos who stick with their teams until the end. No more loyalty. And this could be part of the Panther’s problem. Those with storied performances of the past are held onto as long as they are by this franchise because of that excessive emotion. I’m feeling without question that Jake Delhomme has reached the end of his serviceability as a starter in the NFL. And what do we have who’s better?
Not Matt Moore. Certainly not Josh McClown. I personally think our Luke Skywalker (thought you’d think I’d forgotten about that geek angle, huh?) resides on our practice squad, and yes, Brain, I DO owe you a case of beer over that bet!!! But having crap or used up at the quarterback position is OUR DESTINY this year! And as I predicted, a possible explosion on the team could be on the horizion.
Again, the players come and go. Sometimes, the ownership comes and goes. But football, NFL football, is alive and well in Charlotte, North Carolina. The passion for it goes back even to radio stations tuned to New York Giants games with Y.A. Tittle at QB! A state full of “Redskins Fever” just because the hometown hero, Charlie “Choo-Choo” Justice was a star running back for the team? We will always be passionate about the game. We will support the team as we can because that’s what we do. But they won’t get in the way of life. Whether they win or not doesn’t influence the quality of life Shawn and Lilly or Ashley and Matthew or Eli and TJ or Jessie and Lauren have! Or any of us for that matter. We’ll tune in next week to see the Panthers get crushed by the #$%*^@)&#$_( Duckies, and we’ll come back to the lot for the FredSkins game. And we’ll be glad to see each other, and sample our grilled delicacies and hope for a home win, or at least looking good doing it.
We got two of three today.
It was great to light the tribal fires once again, and to catch a terrific buzz with you all again. We have seven more opportunities to do that this season, and if a miracle occurs, if Luke Skywalker really does have a seat on the practice squad bench –
Maybe one more.
Gotta Comment?
E-mail me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
Dano could be the new “Cedar Street Seer”.
“We’re your support group” he hollered over the brand new mega-rockin’ Pantherfanz sound system-
How prophetic he was on that infamous Thursday night last week when we closed out the suckiest pre-season we’ve had in some time. Perhaps ever.
But tell me – Who among you REALLY thought the Panthers were going to claw themselves to an impressive first season victory today? Come on! It felt like it in the first quarter, but a replay of the “Bad Jake” record started again.
Back to that later.
A permanently, and poignant, happy ending to “EjectGate”happened today. Scott Paul, the stadium manager, John Ross, the kid who ejected me Sept 3rd, and HIS boss had a pretty quick meeting in my section today, pre-game. He was pretty much told that the way I cheer was good for the team, good for the section, and that was it. They will leave me alone for the foreseeable future. So, I’m still curious, why was I ejected? I’m getting over that. I also found it curious that a new, older, gentleman in the fascist red shirt was patrolling my section after that meeting. How sad it is, that I’m not feeling a lot different about the bad vibe in the stadium. Kathie and I went to the opposite side of the stadium,and REFUSED access to the section Blu and Julie sit in! WTF?? The game had gone into the 4th quarter, and had long been decided, and they’re gonna be NAZIS about letting us connect? Sorry, Stadium Staff –
I’m still of the mindset this is STILL Fascist Stadium. A season that started ended badly that has resumed badly certainly isn’t going to help the vibe for all of us hard-working PantherFanz. For now, I hang up the sword against my oppressors. But I title this rant how I have because –
Despite the sub-crappy performance of our team-
I had a terrific time in the lot. It was awesome seeing Kathie enjoy conversation with “strangers” (well to her, at least), talking with Tina about the lizard she caught, getting fired up with fellow fanz about yesterday’s college football contests. Kathie twirling little Eli Hastings around and seeing the delight on his face. Julie’s Birthday. Life. And a party, with the Panthers as an excuse. It was then, I realized that the reason we all get together transcends whatever the Panthers do.
Football.
We were all in love with the game before we assembled in the Cedar Street lot for a big buzz and great fellowship. I took an impromptu poll after the game – It was a “Tower Of Babel” list of teams – 49ers, Saints, Giants, Pastry-Rots, Dolphins, Cowboys, DeadSkins, on and on and on. I realized I had that passion yesterday, not only in cheering on my Tar Heels, but in getting intensely involved in the Notre Dame/Michigan game. I have no dog in that fight, except for the fact I think that school in South Bend, Indiana is one of the most overrated and overexposed programs in college football. And I like saying – “MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMICHIGAN!” Sorry, Patty. So, if the Panthers aren’t playing the kind of football we’re accustomed to, the game is being played to an exciting level somewhere else that we’re connected to.
Long live Football!
Long live passes to our children on a crispy fall day. Long live the intoxicating fragrance of grills firing up on gameday. Long live the fellowship of slightly inebriated football fanatics dissecting or forecasting games played, and games to play. Long live the lingering taste of the succulent meat coming off those fragrant grills. Long live the scratching of dancing feet into the Cedar Street gravel. Collins, Greene, and Biakabatukka have gone. We’ve seen Steve Young, Brett Favre, and other stars have crappy games in our stadium. Most of you are gone, and one of you should be.
And soon, Jake Delhomme, Julis Peppers, and yes John Fox and Marty Hurney will be gone.
After today, I’m thinking sooner than later.
And I’m thinking about ancient Rome. If our Panthers were gladiators, Jake’s body would be feeding the lions right now. And the rest of the team, save Jon BEASTON and DWill and JStew would be on notice that they would be “feeding” the wildlife on the next dreadful performance. But there are 15 games left in the season. So soon to bury your team, oh Crazy Joe? Yes I am. What I saw in the last few games of last season, to what I’ve seen in this one is a STARK difference to another game played six years ago. Remember? The 2nd year coach, John Fox, benched his starting QB, Rodney Peete, for a relative unknown Jake Delhomme after a listless first half. The stadium came to life. And it was cheering for him until the second half of last year’s playoff game. And friends,
The city is finished cheering for him. Unfair? Debatable. Expected? You betcha. In this “win now” mentality of the No Fair League, there are no more Walter Peytons, no more Neil Lomaxes, no more Dan Marinos who stick with their teams until the end. No more loyalty. And this could be part of the Panther’s problem. Those with storied performances of the past are held onto as long as they are by this franchise because of that excessive emotion. I’m feeling without question that Jake Delhomme has reached the end of his serviceability as a starter in the NFL. And what do we have who’s better?
Not Matt Moore. Certainly not Josh McClown. I personally think our Luke Skywalker (thought you’d think I’d forgotten about that geek angle, huh?) resides on our practice squad, and yes, Brain, I DO owe you a case of beer over that bet!!! But having crap or used up at the quarterback position is OUR DESTINY this year! And as I predicted, a possible explosion on the team could be on the horizion.
Again, the players come and go. Sometimes, the ownership comes and goes. But football, NFL football, is alive and well in Charlotte, North Carolina. The passion for it goes back even to radio stations tuned to New York Giants games with Y.A. Tittle at QB! A state full of “Redskins Fever” just because the hometown hero, Charlie “Choo-Choo” Justice was a star running back for the team? We will always be passionate about the game. We will support the team as we can because that’s what we do. But they won’t get in the way of life. Whether they win or not doesn’t influence the quality of life Shawn and Lilly or Ashley and Matthew or Eli and TJ or Jessie and Lauren have! Or any of us for that matter. We’ll tune in next week to see the Panthers get crushed by the #$%*^@)&#$_( Duckies, and we’ll come back to the lot for the FredSkins game. And we’ll be glad to see each other, and sample our grilled delicacies and hope for a home win, or at least looking good doing it.
We got two of three today.
It was great to light the tribal fires once again, and to catch a terrific buzz with you all again. We have seven more opportunities to do that this season, and if a miracle occurs, if Luke Skywalker really does have a seat on the practice squad bench –
Maybe one more.
Gotta Comment?
E-mail me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
11 September, 2009
THAT'S NO MOON...
A sinking feeling washes over the cockpit of the “Fastest Ship in the Galaxy”, the Millennium Falcon, as Jedi Master Obi-wan Kenobi tells Captain Solo to turn the ship around – but it’s no use – the massive space station plucks the ship out of space, with its strategically invaluable cargo, into the maw of the enemy, with as little effort as Dano gulps down a tasty brat. It’s a hopeless situation with no prospect for escape.
The young hero-in-waiting Luke Skywalker utters the obvious –
“I got a baaaaaaad feeling about this….”
And that’s the same feeling I’m getting now, having watched progressively worse performances overall from our Panthers, never mind the ejection episode, which will be permanently resolved this Sunday. What WON’T be resolved is the problem with the team. And believe it or not, it began to manifest itself late last year. Hearken back to the Green Bay game. Yeah, Aaron Rogers and his Frisbee-catchin’ dogs are great, but a truly great defense would have NEVER allowed them back in the game. Week after week, our defense had been gashed again and again, and our OFFENSE pulled us out. It was great fun, until Kurt Warner totally exposed us, and by then, it was too late. A wholesale turnover on the coaching staff, save Foxy, was going to save us. But watching the team play this pre-season, has got me thinking that the Meeks does NOT inherit this defense, much less the earth. And something’s wrong with the way they are playing together. In Meek’s defensive system, players are to fly to the ball, but what is happening is the ball carrier is FLYING THROUGH WITH THE BALL! I’ve never seen a John Fox team tackle so badly, a portent of terrible things to come.
And even MORE sadly, the offense has had absolutely NO pop whatsoever. Ok, yeah, Mike Goodson and Kenny Moore have had some decent spurts, but let’s see what happens when the bullets are real. Jake Delhomme just doesn’t look the same, and that’s not good. The offensive line doesn’t seem to be together either. What is going to happen when the game plan of our opponents manages to shut down the once-potent running game? I’ve had the Wildman, an x’s and o’s man from way back, explain it to me, and it sounds plausible. The Panther’s opponent stacks 8 in the “box” against the run. Three in the backfield, a double team of Smith. I just don’t see Jake passing his way out of that scheme down after down. Oh, we’ll have our moments. We’ll have SOME games where we score 24 points or more. But not like last year, when a 30-point game was the norm. I’m not feeling it. There’s something missing from this team, and I’m on a mission to find out what THAT something is.
I could start with that EXCESSIVE salary given to Julius Peppers. Franchising him was the selection of Stalin over Hitler in the between A-Rock-And-A-Hard-Place the Panthers were in a few months ago. This move, while keeping a load of potential in uniform on our side, HAMSTRUNG the ability to sign players that would be serious help, particularly in the middle, where we are weakest. Is it the nagging injuries to some key players? Nonsense. The Squeelers were hurt where it’s worst, on the offensive line, and where did they wind up? Of course, they had that defense. Tell you what. I got an ideal- Put these chains on the Wookie …..
WOOOOOOORRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNKKKKKKGGHHH!
Ok, maybe I’LL put the chains on the Wookie, and we’ll see if we can sneak around this Death Star of a season, and see if there’s any hope of connecting the R-2 unit to the Lombardi Trophy…
GAME 1 – vs PHILTHYDELPHIA
Right out of the gate, we get one of the media’s stoutest challengers in the Eagles. While they’ve never been a great running team, they’ve always been a BIG PLAY team. There’s not too many big players like Brian Westbrook and Donovan McNabb. This could become a shootout, but unlike waves of Stormtroopers falling into blaster shots, I believe that the incredibly flat preseason will carry over to this game, and it’s the ‘Cats that get shot down. An “L”.
GAME 2 – @ ATLANTA
No sooner do we lick our wounds from Philthy’s beatdown, we go to our personal house of horrors in the Georgia Dome. The Panthers always find a way to lose here, and this game will be no exception. The rebel base has been overrun, and Imperial troops once again re-establish their positions.
GAME 3 - @ DALLAS
If we’re wondering if this represents a light spot in the schedule, think again. The Cowbabies usually peak early in the season, and they’ll run all over us like Mynocks on power cables. Jerry Jones new BILLION dollar stadium is the new darling of the broadcast world, and has built in advantages for the overrated Cowpuppies. But it all adds up to yet another loss for the Panthers. We go into the ridiculously early bye 0-3, and largely forgotten by the league.
GAME 4 – vs WARSHINGTOON
The Panthers return home to a stadium half-filled with DeadSkins fans, also in a wretched spot, looking for a rare win. Only this time, a team with more problems than we do actually takes a positive turn for us! We manage to swipe the plans for the Lombardi Trophy, but now, we have to get the plans into the hands of those that can decipher the schematic. A game of field goals won by John Kasay.
GAME 5 - @ TAMPA BAY
This early in the season is a tough spot for us to play at Tampa, but this team will truly be wretched. They may be able to move on us, but we’ll be better on this day. We outrun those Imperial slugs and are on our way to a better record.
GAME 6 – vs BUFFALO
Another team we shouldn’t have a problem with at home, but this is the ’09 Panthers, who will not get anything easy. TO will get his yards, but this time, the stadium will have a decent amount of fair-weather fans in it that will last at least three quarters. The ‘Cats will take some steps into a larger world by getting to ,500.
GAME 7 - @ ARID-ZONA
A revenge game – and remember, ONLY OUR HATRED can destroy the humilator of last year’s playoff debacle! Uh,no. There were unexpected matchup problems last year, and I think our defense is so far regressed from even then. Warner & F.C.D.’s will blast the Puddycats back.
GAME 8 - @ NEW ORLEANS
We usually do well at the Superdome – Not this time. This season will belong to the Saints, and Brees will do to our defense ten times worse than Warner does the previous week. He should – it’s a division game. So now, the team is going into the last half of the season 3-5 and needing to go just the opposite to even break even. But it won’t be enough to get a chance at a trip to Miami –
GAME 9 – vs ATLANTA
A hell of a way to start the second half of the season. While I anticipate the Duckies to have somewhat of a sophomore slump, I still maintain they will be better than the Panthers this year. Even on natural grass, and even the staunchest of fans begins to lose hope. The classifieds begin to flood with tickets for sale.
GAME 10 – vs MIAMI
By now, half the tickets for this game will be firmly in the hands of Dolphins fans, who will be quite vocal in the comfy Carolina November air. This could be the last gasp for any chance at a shot at the Lombardi Trophy. Miami’s controlled offense will gash the Panthers again and again, and the result, another home loss.
GAME 11- @ NY JETS
With the season slipping from them, the Panthers actually matchup ok with the Jets, and they do the previous week’s victor a favour by stealing a road victory from the offensively challenged Jets. By now, a wild card is the only chance the Panthers have. But hey, they’ve hit Womprats before plenty of times in T-16’s, and they’re not much more than two meters wide. Hope returns, if just fleeting.
GAME 12 – vs TAMPA BAY
A chance at a sweep? You betcha. Tampa, suffering a beat-down season of legendary proportions is eager to get their forgettable season behind them. A three – quarters full stadium gets a laugher for once, and the wildcard chances glimmer just a BIT brighter…
GAME 13 – @ NEW ENGLANDLAND
Not the impossible game you’d think! The Pastry-Rots’ defense is not what it once was, and at last, the Panther offense has found it footing, and this turns into a really entertaining shootout, until – you guessed it-
Jake Delhomme tosses a maddening pick to end the game whilst driving for the winning score. 5-8 will be a hell of a hole to dig out of. The radio talk shows are abuzz about the future of Fox/Hurney.
GAME 14 – vs MINI-SODA
By this time, Brett Favre will be in season-ending hibernation, and all of the fanboys who can’t get over him will be filling the stadium in their #4 jerseys nonetheless. The Viking defense will be in late season form, and they get the game they have to have to keep pace with the surging Packers. Who are doing it without Favre. Which is what the Vikings SHOULD have done. But all the same, another previously winning season is guaranteed to be followed by a LOSING season.
GAME 15 - @ NY GEEEMEN
Are we kidding? A loss. A John Fox team has never lost in the double digits. Until now.
GAME 16- vs NEW ORLEANS
Having long since clinched the division, the Saints go into this chilly day intent on resting Brees and co. The starters play for a series, and the Panthers can window dress the worst season since ’01 by winning this meaningless game. 6-10. From 12-4 and a top seed. The Big Cat will make changes, to be sure, and Foxy becomes a coordinator somewhere. And Hurney can return to sportswriting.
So what’s missing from this team? Leadership? Coaching? Talent? I refuse to believe the latter. I’m detecting a bit of complacency. But, other than the Super Bowl year, there’s really no laurels for Fox to rest on. The Ravens DID fire THEIR championship coach after years of mediocrity. And if this bit of dreary forecasting is realized, then we as fans are faced with those most dreaded words in NFL fandom –
REBUILDING.
Wow, y’all. That was really depressing to write. But if the team doesn’t FIND THE FORCE it once had, this is our destiny! To re-write it, we have to do one thing, and one thing first.
Keep our vision on the here, and now. Win at home against Philthydelphia, and we are already improving to 7-9. Take it one at a time, team, and don’t fufill my dismal prophecy. We haven’t been pulled into the Death Star yet. I still have a bad feeling about this season, but a great party in the lot, you will have, and the future – written yet, it is not….
Gotta Comment?
E-mail me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
The young hero-in-waiting Luke Skywalker utters the obvious –
“I got a baaaaaaad feeling about this….”
And that’s the same feeling I’m getting now, having watched progressively worse performances overall from our Panthers, never mind the ejection episode, which will be permanently resolved this Sunday. What WON’T be resolved is the problem with the team. And believe it or not, it began to manifest itself late last year. Hearken back to the Green Bay game. Yeah, Aaron Rogers and his Frisbee-catchin’ dogs are great, but a truly great defense would have NEVER allowed them back in the game. Week after week, our defense had been gashed again and again, and our OFFENSE pulled us out. It was great fun, until Kurt Warner totally exposed us, and by then, it was too late. A wholesale turnover on the coaching staff, save Foxy, was going to save us. But watching the team play this pre-season, has got me thinking that the Meeks does NOT inherit this defense, much less the earth. And something’s wrong with the way they are playing together. In Meek’s defensive system, players are to fly to the ball, but what is happening is the ball carrier is FLYING THROUGH WITH THE BALL! I’ve never seen a John Fox team tackle so badly, a portent of terrible things to come.
And even MORE sadly, the offense has had absolutely NO pop whatsoever. Ok, yeah, Mike Goodson and Kenny Moore have had some decent spurts, but let’s see what happens when the bullets are real. Jake Delhomme just doesn’t look the same, and that’s not good. The offensive line doesn’t seem to be together either. What is going to happen when the game plan of our opponents manages to shut down the once-potent running game? I’ve had the Wildman, an x’s and o’s man from way back, explain it to me, and it sounds plausible. The Panther’s opponent stacks 8 in the “box” against the run. Three in the backfield, a double team of Smith. I just don’t see Jake passing his way out of that scheme down after down. Oh, we’ll have our moments. We’ll have SOME games where we score 24 points or more. But not like last year, when a 30-point game was the norm. I’m not feeling it. There’s something missing from this team, and I’m on a mission to find out what THAT something is.
I could start with that EXCESSIVE salary given to Julius Peppers. Franchising him was the selection of Stalin over Hitler in the between A-Rock-And-A-Hard-Place the Panthers were in a few months ago. This move, while keeping a load of potential in uniform on our side, HAMSTRUNG the ability to sign players that would be serious help, particularly in the middle, where we are weakest. Is it the nagging injuries to some key players? Nonsense. The Squeelers were hurt where it’s worst, on the offensive line, and where did they wind up? Of course, they had that defense. Tell you what. I got an ideal- Put these chains on the Wookie …..
WOOOOOOORRRRRRRRNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNKKKKKKGGHHH!
Ok, maybe I’LL put the chains on the Wookie, and we’ll see if we can sneak around this Death Star of a season, and see if there’s any hope of connecting the R-2 unit to the Lombardi Trophy…
GAME 1 – vs PHILTHYDELPHIA
Right out of the gate, we get one of the media’s stoutest challengers in the Eagles. While they’ve never been a great running team, they’ve always been a BIG PLAY team. There’s not too many big players like Brian Westbrook and Donovan McNabb. This could become a shootout, but unlike waves of Stormtroopers falling into blaster shots, I believe that the incredibly flat preseason will carry over to this game, and it’s the ‘Cats that get shot down. An “L”.
GAME 2 – @ ATLANTA
No sooner do we lick our wounds from Philthy’s beatdown, we go to our personal house of horrors in the Georgia Dome. The Panthers always find a way to lose here, and this game will be no exception. The rebel base has been overrun, and Imperial troops once again re-establish their positions.
GAME 3 - @ DALLAS
If we’re wondering if this represents a light spot in the schedule, think again. The Cowbabies usually peak early in the season, and they’ll run all over us like Mynocks on power cables. Jerry Jones new BILLION dollar stadium is the new darling of the broadcast world, and has built in advantages for the overrated Cowpuppies. But it all adds up to yet another loss for the Panthers. We go into the ridiculously early bye 0-3, and largely forgotten by the league.
GAME 4 – vs WARSHINGTOON
The Panthers return home to a stadium half-filled with DeadSkins fans, also in a wretched spot, looking for a rare win. Only this time, a team with more problems than we do actually takes a positive turn for us! We manage to swipe the plans for the Lombardi Trophy, but now, we have to get the plans into the hands of those that can decipher the schematic. A game of field goals won by John Kasay.
GAME 5 - @ TAMPA BAY
This early in the season is a tough spot for us to play at Tampa, but this team will truly be wretched. They may be able to move on us, but we’ll be better on this day. We outrun those Imperial slugs and are on our way to a better record.
GAME 6 – vs BUFFALO
Another team we shouldn’t have a problem with at home, but this is the ’09 Panthers, who will not get anything easy. TO will get his yards, but this time, the stadium will have a decent amount of fair-weather fans in it that will last at least three quarters. The ‘Cats will take some steps into a larger world by getting to ,500.
GAME 7 - @ ARID-ZONA
A revenge game – and remember, ONLY OUR HATRED can destroy the humilator of last year’s playoff debacle! Uh,no. There were unexpected matchup problems last year, and I think our defense is so far regressed from even then. Warner & F.C.D.’s will blast the Puddycats back.
GAME 8 - @ NEW ORLEANS
We usually do well at the Superdome – Not this time. This season will belong to the Saints, and Brees will do to our defense ten times worse than Warner does the previous week. He should – it’s a division game. So now, the team is going into the last half of the season 3-5 and needing to go just the opposite to even break even. But it won’t be enough to get a chance at a trip to Miami –
GAME 9 – vs ATLANTA
A hell of a way to start the second half of the season. While I anticipate the Duckies to have somewhat of a sophomore slump, I still maintain they will be better than the Panthers this year. Even on natural grass, and even the staunchest of fans begins to lose hope. The classifieds begin to flood with tickets for sale.
GAME 10 – vs MIAMI
By now, half the tickets for this game will be firmly in the hands of Dolphins fans, who will be quite vocal in the comfy Carolina November air. This could be the last gasp for any chance at a shot at the Lombardi Trophy. Miami’s controlled offense will gash the Panthers again and again, and the result, another home loss.
GAME 11- @ NY JETS
With the season slipping from them, the Panthers actually matchup ok with the Jets, and they do the previous week’s victor a favour by stealing a road victory from the offensively challenged Jets. By now, a wild card is the only chance the Panthers have. But hey, they’ve hit Womprats before plenty of times in T-16’s, and they’re not much more than two meters wide. Hope returns, if just fleeting.
GAME 12 – vs TAMPA BAY
A chance at a sweep? You betcha. Tampa, suffering a beat-down season of legendary proportions is eager to get their forgettable season behind them. A three – quarters full stadium gets a laugher for once, and the wildcard chances glimmer just a BIT brighter…
GAME 13 – @ NEW ENGLANDLAND
Not the impossible game you’d think! The Pastry-Rots’ defense is not what it once was, and at last, the Panther offense has found it footing, and this turns into a really entertaining shootout, until – you guessed it-
Jake Delhomme tosses a maddening pick to end the game whilst driving for the winning score. 5-8 will be a hell of a hole to dig out of. The radio talk shows are abuzz about the future of Fox/Hurney.
GAME 14 – vs MINI-SODA
By this time, Brett Favre will be in season-ending hibernation, and all of the fanboys who can’t get over him will be filling the stadium in their #4 jerseys nonetheless. The Viking defense will be in late season form, and they get the game they have to have to keep pace with the surging Packers. Who are doing it without Favre. Which is what the Vikings SHOULD have done. But all the same, another previously winning season is guaranteed to be followed by a LOSING season.
GAME 15 - @ NY GEEEMEN
Are we kidding? A loss. A John Fox team has never lost in the double digits. Until now.
GAME 16- vs NEW ORLEANS
Having long since clinched the division, the Saints go into this chilly day intent on resting Brees and co. The starters play for a series, and the Panthers can window dress the worst season since ’01 by winning this meaningless game. 6-10. From 12-4 and a top seed. The Big Cat will make changes, to be sure, and Foxy becomes a coordinator somewhere. And Hurney can return to sportswriting.
So what’s missing from this team? Leadership? Coaching? Talent? I refuse to believe the latter. I’m detecting a bit of complacency. But, other than the Super Bowl year, there’s really no laurels for Fox to rest on. The Ravens DID fire THEIR championship coach after years of mediocrity. And if this bit of dreary forecasting is realized, then we as fans are faced with those most dreaded words in NFL fandom –
REBUILDING.
Wow, y’all. That was really depressing to write. But if the team doesn’t FIND THE FORCE it once had, this is our destiny! To re-write it, we have to do one thing, and one thing first.
Keep our vision on the here, and now. Win at home against Philthydelphia, and we are already improving to 7-9. Take it one at a time, team, and don’t fufill my dismal prophecy. We haven’t been pulled into the Death Star yet. I still have a bad feeling about this season, but a great party in the lot, you will have, and the future – written yet, it is not….
Gotta Comment?
E-mail me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
NEW SEASON, NEW PROGNOSTICATIONS...
Hi there, PantherFanz! A new NFL season is about to begin, and in a time honored tradition since 1986, I’m making my usual bold (and correct) predictions in the league.
I’ll first cast my still-potent clairvoyance gland to the AFC East. I think there are two teams that can challenge for the top spot – I loved seeing the Pastry-Rots and ESPECIALLY Cheatin’Chek twist in the wind somewhat, and I loved seeing Tuna’s Dolphin’s beating the gasping B*R*E*T*S for the division. And this year, I think Cheatn’Chek is mad as hell, and he looks like he’s on a mission. While their defense has undergone some turnover, that offense is still loaded. The Dolphins haven’t changed much, they just got better. I’d expect Pennington to be that much more efficient in offensive mad scientist Henning’s system. The Dolphins will be a tough out, in my opinion. The remade J*E*T*S, liberated from not only Favre, but Man-genius as well, will be really tough to score on, but I think they will be hamstrung offensively. New pretty-boy rookie Sanchez doesn’t have weapons like Michael Turner or Roddy White like the Duckies’ Matty-Ice did. And Buffalo has the TO bomb dropped on it. If the damage was as bad as it was in Philthydelphia, San Francisco and Dallas, can you imagine what it would be like on a SUCKY team??? In this division, I’m thinking the Patsies prevail, but if the Dolphins don’t top ‘em, they could challenge for a wildcard spot.
I think the AFC South could be the most hotly contested division in football this season. You could name a dozen reasons why Indianapolis OR Tennessee would win the division, or why Houston could finally make a claim for the title. Even Jacksonville will have a say in who wins this thing. I don’t think the Jagy-wyers have as much as the Titans and Colts do, and the Texans look bright and shiny like a new Chrysler, but I just don’t think Matt Schaub can stay healthy all year. And I don’t like Wrecks-Gross-Man as their backup. But you can count on Tennessee and Indy returning to the playoffs this year.
Same ‘ol story in the AFC NORRIS division. The Squeelers will again be strong, the Ravens will push them harder than ever, and the Bungles and Brownies will suck. Again. Ownership, Ownership, Ownership. Makes all the difference in the world.
The West will again be Worst this year. San Diego is head and shoulders above everyone else, and believe it or not, Denver will be fighting the Raiders and Chefs for the cellar. I think they’ll hit it, too. Count on this – The Chefs will play hard for new coach Todd Haley, and will be second in the division, and the Broncoids? Will be last. Book it.
In our home conference, it’s my feeling the East is overrated. The pundits bang the drum ever so loudly for the same four teams. Blah, Blah, Blah. The New York Giants have lost a bunch of offensive pieces, and Brotha Manning doesn’t have his go-to-guy yet. But he will. Before the season’s over, Hakeem Nicks, the hometown high school hero, will be a star, if he doesn’t get hurt. The Eagles have a serious hole defensively, and a potential time bomb in the locker room with Michael Vick. But these two will definitely contend. I still think Dallas is a mess, and Roy Williams is NOT the top-flight receiver Romo The Homo needs to have to succeed. If Dallas is a mess, then the DeadSkins are worse yet. Jason Campbell has been mind-screwed by the organization as it tried unsuccessfully to upgrade the QB position, and he knows he’s not their man. I like the GEEEEEEEMEN to win this one once more, and the Eagles to once again snag a wild card.
In the South, the rotation of champions will once again be materialized. The fading Panthers will see not only New Orleans streak by them, but also the damned Duckies as well. And the Bucs, being transitionary, will suck. Worse than the Panthers. But I also think the Duckies get hit by the sophomore slump. They surprised everyone last year, but not this year. They largely have the same schedule the Panthers do, and are probably better by a game or two. But this is the Saints’ season. I think they will field one of the leagues’ most potent offenses this side of New Englandland.
I think the NFC North will wind up being the toughest division in the conference this year. Hey, guess who’s really, REALLY GOOD this year? Without Brett Favre? The VIKINGS, that’s who! Too bad they HAVE Favre as their starting QB this season. Mark it down, he doesn’t make it past Week 8. But they’ve got enough firepower and a truly tough defense to overcome it for a few games, at least. But hey, guess who ELSE is really, REALLY, GOOD, WITHOUT Brett Favre? Favre’s old team, the Packers, that’s who! Aaron Rogers has taken over this team, and they believe in him. The defense is MUCH improved with Dom Capers changing the system. The team is not having any problems adjusting to it. I really believe the Cheeseheads will be experiencing some nice January football in 2010. Another team that’s pretty dang good without Brett Favre is a team Brett Favre used to beat all the time. Da Bears gots a new QB in Jay Cutler, a diva in his own right, but he’s at the peak of his game. When he gets comfortable with his receiving corps, look out. They may not be division winners, but they’ll have a say about who wins it. A wild card spot is their best hope. And the Lions? Will be four times as good as last year. Uh, but zero times anything is ---- Ok, bad math. The Leos will ACTUALLY WIN SOME GAMES THIS YEAR. Just not many. But they’ll be more fun to watch than last years pitiful writhing bunch.
The West will be like their AFC counterpart – WORST. The teams will be better, but not by much. I still like Arizona, but they won’t be sneaking up on anyone this year. But as long as Kurt Warner stays healthy, and continues to hook up with those Frisbee-catchin’ dogs downfield, they’ll be tough for the rest of the division. Coach Samurai will continue to make the Niners better, but he DESPERATELY needs a QB. If Shaun Hill is as good as he’s got, he’d better hope his defense plays particularly well. The Seahawks haven’t impressed me much, and the Lambs are still the Lambs. One playoff team comes from this division, the Cardy-noles.
So what does the postseason look like?
In the AFC, the Titans and Patsies earn the top seeds. San Diego shocks Pissburgh, and the Ravens quothe “Nevermore” to the Colts. The Ravens once again beat the Titans, and San Diego humiliates the Patsies. WITH Darren Sproles taking over for LaDamian Tomlinson. But they don’t overcome the Ravens, who continue to quothe themselves to the Super Bowl.
In the NFC, the Saints and the Packers earn the top seeds, while the Eagles get tough with the Cardy-noles, and Brotha Eli and the GEEEEEMen take care of the Vikings, now quarterbacked by Not Favre. Drew Brees absolutely riddles the Giants, and the Packers pluck the gallant Eagles. Aaron Rogers blasts apart the giant statues of Brett Favre that dominate the landscape at ESPN and Wisconsin by outshooting Brees in an EPIC championship game, and then outlasts the menacing Ravens, who will get quothed themselves. And John Madden returns to the broadcasting booth so that he can be Rogers’ new boy toy.
There you go, Fanz. We can’t have January football every year. I’ve accepted it for now. And this is the year you can let the Puddycats go after Week 13 and start pulling for your fantasy players. And have a great time in the lot, and that’s a guarantee.
Gotta Comment?
Email me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
I’ll first cast my still-potent clairvoyance gland to the AFC East. I think there are two teams that can challenge for the top spot – I loved seeing the Pastry-Rots and ESPECIALLY Cheatin’Chek twist in the wind somewhat, and I loved seeing Tuna’s Dolphin’s beating the gasping B*R*E*T*S for the division. And this year, I think Cheatn’Chek is mad as hell, and he looks like he’s on a mission. While their defense has undergone some turnover, that offense is still loaded. The Dolphins haven’t changed much, they just got better. I’d expect Pennington to be that much more efficient in offensive mad scientist Henning’s system. The Dolphins will be a tough out, in my opinion. The remade J*E*T*S, liberated from not only Favre, but Man-genius as well, will be really tough to score on, but I think they will be hamstrung offensively. New pretty-boy rookie Sanchez doesn’t have weapons like Michael Turner or Roddy White like the Duckies’ Matty-Ice did. And Buffalo has the TO bomb dropped on it. If the damage was as bad as it was in Philthydelphia, San Francisco and Dallas, can you imagine what it would be like on a SUCKY team??? In this division, I’m thinking the Patsies prevail, but if the Dolphins don’t top ‘em, they could challenge for a wildcard spot.
I think the AFC South could be the most hotly contested division in football this season. You could name a dozen reasons why Indianapolis OR Tennessee would win the division, or why Houston could finally make a claim for the title. Even Jacksonville will have a say in who wins this thing. I don’t think the Jagy-wyers have as much as the Titans and Colts do, and the Texans look bright and shiny like a new Chrysler, but I just don’t think Matt Schaub can stay healthy all year. And I don’t like Wrecks-Gross-Man as their backup. But you can count on Tennessee and Indy returning to the playoffs this year.
Same ‘ol story in the AFC NORRIS division. The Squeelers will again be strong, the Ravens will push them harder than ever, and the Bungles and Brownies will suck. Again. Ownership, Ownership, Ownership. Makes all the difference in the world.
The West will again be Worst this year. San Diego is head and shoulders above everyone else, and believe it or not, Denver will be fighting the Raiders and Chefs for the cellar. I think they’ll hit it, too. Count on this – The Chefs will play hard for new coach Todd Haley, and will be second in the division, and the Broncoids? Will be last. Book it.
In our home conference, it’s my feeling the East is overrated. The pundits bang the drum ever so loudly for the same four teams. Blah, Blah, Blah. The New York Giants have lost a bunch of offensive pieces, and Brotha Manning doesn’t have his go-to-guy yet. But he will. Before the season’s over, Hakeem Nicks, the hometown high school hero, will be a star, if he doesn’t get hurt. The Eagles have a serious hole defensively, and a potential time bomb in the locker room with Michael Vick. But these two will definitely contend. I still think Dallas is a mess, and Roy Williams is NOT the top-flight receiver Romo The Homo needs to have to succeed. If Dallas is a mess, then the DeadSkins are worse yet. Jason Campbell has been mind-screwed by the organization as it tried unsuccessfully to upgrade the QB position, and he knows he’s not their man. I like the GEEEEEEEMEN to win this one once more, and the Eagles to once again snag a wild card.
In the South, the rotation of champions will once again be materialized. The fading Panthers will see not only New Orleans streak by them, but also the damned Duckies as well. And the Bucs, being transitionary, will suck. Worse than the Panthers. But I also think the Duckies get hit by the sophomore slump. They surprised everyone last year, but not this year. They largely have the same schedule the Panthers do, and are probably better by a game or two. But this is the Saints’ season. I think they will field one of the leagues’ most potent offenses this side of New Englandland.
I think the NFC North will wind up being the toughest division in the conference this year. Hey, guess who’s really, REALLY GOOD this year? Without Brett Favre? The VIKINGS, that’s who! Too bad they HAVE Favre as their starting QB this season. Mark it down, he doesn’t make it past Week 8. But they’ve got enough firepower and a truly tough defense to overcome it for a few games, at least. But hey, guess who ELSE is really, REALLY, GOOD, WITHOUT Brett Favre? Favre’s old team, the Packers, that’s who! Aaron Rogers has taken over this team, and they believe in him. The defense is MUCH improved with Dom Capers changing the system. The team is not having any problems adjusting to it. I really believe the Cheeseheads will be experiencing some nice January football in 2010. Another team that’s pretty dang good without Brett Favre is a team Brett Favre used to beat all the time. Da Bears gots a new QB in Jay Cutler, a diva in his own right, but he’s at the peak of his game. When he gets comfortable with his receiving corps, look out. They may not be division winners, but they’ll have a say about who wins it. A wild card spot is their best hope. And the Lions? Will be four times as good as last year. Uh, but zero times anything is ---- Ok, bad math. The Leos will ACTUALLY WIN SOME GAMES THIS YEAR. Just not many. But they’ll be more fun to watch than last years pitiful writhing bunch.
The West will be like their AFC counterpart – WORST. The teams will be better, but not by much. I still like Arizona, but they won’t be sneaking up on anyone this year. But as long as Kurt Warner stays healthy, and continues to hook up with those Frisbee-catchin’ dogs downfield, they’ll be tough for the rest of the division. Coach Samurai will continue to make the Niners better, but he DESPERATELY needs a QB. If Shaun Hill is as good as he’s got, he’d better hope his defense plays particularly well. The Seahawks haven’t impressed me much, and the Lambs are still the Lambs. One playoff team comes from this division, the Cardy-noles.
So what does the postseason look like?
In the AFC, the Titans and Patsies earn the top seeds. San Diego shocks Pissburgh, and the Ravens quothe “Nevermore” to the Colts. The Ravens once again beat the Titans, and San Diego humiliates the Patsies. WITH Darren Sproles taking over for LaDamian Tomlinson. But they don’t overcome the Ravens, who continue to quothe themselves to the Super Bowl.
In the NFC, the Saints and the Packers earn the top seeds, while the Eagles get tough with the Cardy-noles, and Brotha Eli and the GEEEEEMen take care of the Vikings, now quarterbacked by Not Favre. Drew Brees absolutely riddles the Giants, and the Packers pluck the gallant Eagles. Aaron Rogers blasts apart the giant statues of Brett Favre that dominate the landscape at ESPN and Wisconsin by outshooting Brees in an EPIC championship game, and then outlasts the menacing Ravens, who will get quothed themselves. And John Madden returns to the broadcasting booth so that he can be Rogers’ new boy toy.
There you go, Fanz. We can’t have January football every year. I’ve accepted it for now. And this is the year you can let the Puddycats go after Week 13 and start pulling for your fantasy players. And have a great time in the lot, and that’s a guarantee.
Gotta Comment?
Email me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
09 September, 2009
THE WEEKLY HANDICAP AND OTHER CLARIVOYANCES - WEEK 1
Welcome back, Fanz, to the weekly forecast into your NFL football future. Not including postseason, where I went a horrid 3-5, I do hold a nice winning record for the regular season. I know I will pick up right where I left off, so read on, call your bookie, and don’t forget to buy the Cedar Street Seer a beer (or a few) with your winnings! Let’s dig into it, SHALL WE!!??
TENNESSEE @ PISSBURGH
The season kicks off with the Super Bowl champs facing down the team that stomped on their precious widdle Tewibble Towels in last season’s late tilt. Petty, huh? The Squeelers don’t think so. This game, so early in the season, could be a genuine body bag game. Most of the starters for both teams have returned, and both are reasonably healthy, but there’s that disrespect angle. Is it worth 6 points? I think so. Take the home favorite Squeelers and the -6 points.
MIAMI @ ATLANTA
The NFC South begins its series with the AFC East with this contest. Both are coming off impressive seasons after wretched losing campaigns prior to last year. The Duckies haven’t done a whole lot about their defense, and the Dolphins defense is stellar. Not only that, but Miami travels well, and this is a dome game. I like the Dolphins to cover the +4.
KANSAS CITY @ BALTY-MOORE
This game has Blowout City written all over it. The Chefs are almost completely rebuilt from the top on down, and QB Matt Cassel isn’t 100%. The Ravens have looked most impressive in the preseason. Ed Reed and his top-ball-hawking defense haven’t lost a step, and Joey Flacco looks even better than he did last season. 11’s a lot of points, but I believe in the Quothers. Take the Ravens.
PHILTHYDELPHIA @ CAROLINA
I’m going to try and be as non-biased as I can with this one. Part of me is thinking the team will once again follow a great season with a really flat season opener. The other part of me is listening to that part, and is feeling convinced. The Panthers are just getting some injured players back, and I’m not sure they’re going to be 100%. The defense has looked absolutely wretched in the preseason, and Philthy is capable of many big plays. But the Iggle D has been hurting too. I think this might be a shootout, but I still lean to Philthy, and the -1.
DENVER @ CINCINATTI
Oh, here’s a barnburner of epic proportions. Two certain bottomfeeders will try to start the season with a win. The good news is that one of them WILL. The bad news?
It will only be one of a few. I lean to the team with the better QB, and the better wideout. That would be Carson Palmer, and OchoCinco. It won’t be often, but this week, I take the Bungles and the -4 ½ points.
MINI-SODA @ CLEVELANDLAND
Here’s a news flash – Brett Favre has told the press HE MAY NOT PLAY EVERY GAME!
Wow, how insightful Brett! I thought you’d certainly be the ironman of your legend!
Even if you don’t play, Brett, I still think your defensive mates will make it a tough day for Brady Quinn. And AllDay will not be stopped. A quiet day in the Dawg Pound. Vikings in a blowout, easily covering the -4 points.
NY JETS @ HOUSTON
I like the hiring of the defensive-minded no BS coach Rex Ryan for the Jets. I just think this is going to be a tough place to start the season, especially with an unproven group of quarterbacks. The Texans have been steadily getting better since Coach Kubiak has been there, and if Matt Schaub stays upright, he should find Andre Johnson enough to make a difference. I like the Texans and the -4 ½ points.
JACKSONVILLE @ INDIANAPOLIS
The Jaggy-wyers wound up being a perfectly wretched team last year. To be honest, their offensive line was a wreck, and the team besotted with injuries. Most of those players have returned, and they’re familiar with the Colts. Meanwhile, Indy starts a new era without the black Tom Landry, but they still have the Otha Brotha Manning. That counts for something, but I’m thinking the score will be closer than the 7 points Indy’s favoured by. Take the Jaggy-whyers and -7.
DETROIT @ NEW ORLEANS
The Lions start a fresh season after the absolute worst NFL season – EVER. What a place to get started! It’s almost not fair! With the veterans already grumbling about Matty Stafford starting in place of a seasoned Daunte Culpepper, they face a team that would swallow flaming turds for THEIR QB. Expect the Saints to use Pierre Thomas as their new feature back, and for Brees to absolutely hurl the biscuit all over the Superdome with laser-like efficiency. This is the largest line of the day, with the hometown Saints giving 13 points! I’ll take it!
DALLAS @ TAMPA BAY
This for all the world looks like a blowout to me – A somewhat re-focused Cowboy team coming to Tampa, where the team had been pretty much blown up. I don’t believe that Raheem Morris has the same karma Mike Smith or Tony Sorpano did last year. I think they will pound the Bucs into the Raymond James turf. Take the Cowbabies and -6.
SAN FRANCISCO @ ARID-ZONA
Last year’s NFC champion begins its ’09 campaign with one of its fiercest rivals. I like Samauri Singletary’s old-school approach, but he needs a QB and some more offensive weapons to really make a charge for the division. I just think Warner and his Frisbee Dogs will be too much on this day. Gimme the Cardy-Noles and the -6 ½.
NY GEEEMEN @ WARSHINGTOON
This is supposed to be the marquis game of the day – GIMME A BREAK! I know these teams are so damned familiar with each other, but the G’ints are in whole ‘nother neighborhood when it comes to quality football and execution. While the DeadSkins do have a decent defense, their offense is just not getting it done. The G’ints have BOTH stellar D and O. If not this game, Hakeem Nicks will break out for the next. Expect NooYawk to wear the Skins down in the second quarter. GeeMen favored by -6 ½ and that’s conservative.
ST LOUIS @ SEATTLE
The Lambs still suck. Marc Bolger is old, and this team resembles NOTHING like the “Greatest Show on Turf” of as recently as 6 years ago. Seattle has much of it’s injured corps coming back, and a new chippy coach in Jim Mora Jr. The improvement of the SeaDogs will be apparent. The long road ahead for Steve Spagnuolo will also be apparent. Take the home SeaDogs and the 8 ½.
CHICAGO @ GREEN BAY
I’d be willing to bet anything you want to bet that you won’t find 100 #4 jerseys in the stands this Sunday. The team, the town, and the hearts of the fans now firmly belong to Aaron Rogers. THIS is going to be the REAL marquis game of the day. If new Bears QB Jay Cutler finds a groove with Devin Hester, they could be tough. I just think the New Packers will be tougher. A happy day in TitleTown – take the Pack and -3 ½.
BUFFALO @ NEW ENGLANDLAND
Oh, Billy Cheatin’Chek gets his girlfriend back. And all of New Englandland from Bahston to Maine is once again aswoon. And looky what they get for their much anticipated Monday Night opener! Oh, it’s the Bills, the downtrodden, TO afflicted team that’s already fired their offensive coordinator. This will be a game to safely turn off at halftime, unless you’re a Pasties fan, and Brady’s on your fantasy team.
He slices, he dices, he juliennes the Bills! Take the Pastry-rots and the -11 points.
SAN DIEGO @ CrOAKLAND
The Monday Night afterthought for those of you who are on the west coast get another game you can safely turn off at halftime. Who are you kiddin’? The resurgent Chargers stamp their claim on the worst division in football by running roughshod all over the new face of futility in the NFL. I find it INCREDULOUSLY STUPID that the Schraiders actually let Jeff Garcia go- he was their best chance to win, but hey, if I was him, I’d be glad. I’d join Richard Seymour for a celebratory beverage! Won’t be a contest. Take the Fully Charged Chargers and the -9 ½.
There you go, Fanz. A perfect slate of games to start your season of earnings right.
And remember, gambling is for entertainment purposes ONLY. If you have a problem with gambling I’d strongly suggest going to
www.giveallyourmoneytocrazyjoe.com
and do just what it says.
See you in the lot!
Gotta Comment?
Email me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
TENNESSEE @ PISSBURGH
The season kicks off with the Super Bowl champs facing down the team that stomped on their precious widdle Tewibble Towels in last season’s late tilt. Petty, huh? The Squeelers don’t think so. This game, so early in the season, could be a genuine body bag game. Most of the starters for both teams have returned, and both are reasonably healthy, but there’s that disrespect angle. Is it worth 6 points? I think so. Take the home favorite Squeelers and the -6 points.
MIAMI @ ATLANTA
The NFC South begins its series with the AFC East with this contest. Both are coming off impressive seasons after wretched losing campaigns prior to last year. The Duckies haven’t done a whole lot about their defense, and the Dolphins defense is stellar. Not only that, but Miami travels well, and this is a dome game. I like the Dolphins to cover the +4.
KANSAS CITY @ BALTY-MOORE
This game has Blowout City written all over it. The Chefs are almost completely rebuilt from the top on down, and QB Matt Cassel isn’t 100%. The Ravens have looked most impressive in the preseason. Ed Reed and his top-ball-hawking defense haven’t lost a step, and Joey Flacco looks even better than he did last season. 11’s a lot of points, but I believe in the Quothers. Take the Ravens.
PHILTHYDELPHIA @ CAROLINA
I’m going to try and be as non-biased as I can with this one. Part of me is thinking the team will once again follow a great season with a really flat season opener. The other part of me is listening to that part, and is feeling convinced. The Panthers are just getting some injured players back, and I’m not sure they’re going to be 100%. The defense has looked absolutely wretched in the preseason, and Philthy is capable of many big plays. But the Iggle D has been hurting too. I think this might be a shootout, but I still lean to Philthy, and the -1.
DENVER @ CINCINATTI
Oh, here’s a barnburner of epic proportions. Two certain bottomfeeders will try to start the season with a win. The good news is that one of them WILL. The bad news?
It will only be one of a few. I lean to the team with the better QB, and the better wideout. That would be Carson Palmer, and OchoCinco. It won’t be often, but this week, I take the Bungles and the -4 ½ points.
MINI-SODA @ CLEVELANDLAND
Here’s a news flash – Brett Favre has told the press HE MAY NOT PLAY EVERY GAME!
Wow, how insightful Brett! I thought you’d certainly be the ironman of your legend!
Even if you don’t play, Brett, I still think your defensive mates will make it a tough day for Brady Quinn. And AllDay will not be stopped. A quiet day in the Dawg Pound. Vikings in a blowout, easily covering the -4 points.
NY JETS @ HOUSTON
I like the hiring of the defensive-minded no BS coach Rex Ryan for the Jets. I just think this is going to be a tough place to start the season, especially with an unproven group of quarterbacks. The Texans have been steadily getting better since Coach Kubiak has been there, and if Matt Schaub stays upright, he should find Andre Johnson enough to make a difference. I like the Texans and the -4 ½ points.
JACKSONVILLE @ INDIANAPOLIS
The Jaggy-wyers wound up being a perfectly wretched team last year. To be honest, their offensive line was a wreck, and the team besotted with injuries. Most of those players have returned, and they’re familiar with the Colts. Meanwhile, Indy starts a new era without the black Tom Landry, but they still have the Otha Brotha Manning. That counts for something, but I’m thinking the score will be closer than the 7 points Indy’s favoured by. Take the Jaggy-whyers and -7.
DETROIT @ NEW ORLEANS
The Lions start a fresh season after the absolute worst NFL season – EVER. What a place to get started! It’s almost not fair! With the veterans already grumbling about Matty Stafford starting in place of a seasoned Daunte Culpepper, they face a team that would swallow flaming turds for THEIR QB. Expect the Saints to use Pierre Thomas as their new feature back, and for Brees to absolutely hurl the biscuit all over the Superdome with laser-like efficiency. This is the largest line of the day, with the hometown Saints giving 13 points! I’ll take it!
DALLAS @ TAMPA BAY
This for all the world looks like a blowout to me – A somewhat re-focused Cowboy team coming to Tampa, where the team had been pretty much blown up. I don’t believe that Raheem Morris has the same karma Mike Smith or Tony Sorpano did last year. I think they will pound the Bucs into the Raymond James turf. Take the Cowbabies and -6.
SAN FRANCISCO @ ARID-ZONA
Last year’s NFC champion begins its ’09 campaign with one of its fiercest rivals. I like Samauri Singletary’s old-school approach, but he needs a QB and some more offensive weapons to really make a charge for the division. I just think Warner and his Frisbee Dogs will be too much on this day. Gimme the Cardy-Noles and the -6 ½.
NY GEEEMEN @ WARSHINGTOON
This is supposed to be the marquis game of the day – GIMME A BREAK! I know these teams are so damned familiar with each other, but the G’ints are in whole ‘nother neighborhood when it comes to quality football and execution. While the DeadSkins do have a decent defense, their offense is just not getting it done. The G’ints have BOTH stellar D and O. If not this game, Hakeem Nicks will break out for the next. Expect NooYawk to wear the Skins down in the second quarter. GeeMen favored by -6 ½ and that’s conservative.
ST LOUIS @ SEATTLE
The Lambs still suck. Marc Bolger is old, and this team resembles NOTHING like the “Greatest Show on Turf” of as recently as 6 years ago. Seattle has much of it’s injured corps coming back, and a new chippy coach in Jim Mora Jr. The improvement of the SeaDogs will be apparent. The long road ahead for Steve Spagnuolo will also be apparent. Take the home SeaDogs and the 8 ½.
CHICAGO @ GREEN BAY
I’d be willing to bet anything you want to bet that you won’t find 100 #4 jerseys in the stands this Sunday. The team, the town, and the hearts of the fans now firmly belong to Aaron Rogers. THIS is going to be the REAL marquis game of the day. If new Bears QB Jay Cutler finds a groove with Devin Hester, they could be tough. I just think the New Packers will be tougher. A happy day in TitleTown – take the Pack and -3 ½.
BUFFALO @ NEW ENGLANDLAND
Oh, Billy Cheatin’Chek gets his girlfriend back. And all of New Englandland from Bahston to Maine is once again aswoon. And looky what they get for their much anticipated Monday Night opener! Oh, it’s the Bills, the downtrodden, TO afflicted team that’s already fired their offensive coordinator. This will be a game to safely turn off at halftime, unless you’re a Pasties fan, and Brady’s on your fantasy team.
He slices, he dices, he juliennes the Bills! Take the Pastry-rots and the -11 points.
SAN DIEGO @ CrOAKLAND
The Monday Night afterthought for those of you who are on the west coast get another game you can safely turn off at halftime. Who are you kiddin’? The resurgent Chargers stamp their claim on the worst division in football by running roughshod all over the new face of futility in the NFL. I find it INCREDULOUSLY STUPID that the Schraiders actually let Jeff Garcia go- he was their best chance to win, but hey, if I was him, I’d be glad. I’d join Richard Seymour for a celebratory beverage! Won’t be a contest. Take the Fully Charged Chargers and the -9 ½.
There you go, Fanz. A perfect slate of games to start your season of earnings right.
And remember, gambling is for entertainment purposes ONLY. If you have a problem with gambling I’d strongly suggest going to
www.giveallyourmoneytocrazyjoe.com
and do just what it says.
See you in the lot!
Gotta Comment?
Email me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
08 September, 2009
VINDICATED - Part 1
Well, Fanz, this ejection story of the Cedar Street Seer has to have a resolution, and we're well on our way.
I just spent twenty minutes on the phone with Scott Paul, the stadium operations manager, and sincere, profuse apologies were made on my behalf. Indeed, the section securtiy was brand new, and not familiar with the antics of "Claw Man". The staff are painfully aware of the negative reputation for fan support, and I volunteer myself as a possible vehicle to help combat it. Of course, it depends, on the 12.30 meeting in my section between myself, Scott, and John Ross, who had me ejected. Our goal is to reach understanding about the way I operate on game day, and the way I support the team, which I am unwilling to change.
I am, optomistic about the outcome of this meeting.
About the Panthers?
That's another rant, coming in the next day or so.
But I'm likely back in the Panther's Den, y'all. It will take a bit for my roar to be restored, and my claws to fully extend, but I'm in a lot better spot than I was Thursday night.
Gotta Comment?
Email me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
I just spent twenty minutes on the phone with Scott Paul, the stadium operations manager, and sincere, profuse apologies were made on my behalf. Indeed, the section securtiy was brand new, and not familiar with the antics of "Claw Man". The staff are painfully aware of the negative reputation for fan support, and I volunteer myself as a possible vehicle to help combat it. Of course, it depends, on the 12.30 meeting in my section between myself, Scott, and John Ross, who had me ejected. Our goal is to reach understanding about the way I operate on game day, and the way I support the team, which I am unwilling to change.
I am, optomistic about the outcome of this meeting.
About the Panthers?
That's another rant, coming in the next day or so.
But I'm likely back in the Panther's Den, y'all. It will take a bit for my roar to be restored, and my claws to fully extend, but I'm in a lot better spot than I was Thursday night.
Gotta Comment?
Email me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
06 September, 2009
EJECTED!!!???WTF!!!???
Yesterdays’ gameday experience came close to hitting a new all-time low for me personally. Lower than the end-of season disaster in a half-empty stadium full of drunken Pastry-Rot fans in 2001. Lower than the season-long debacle of Dinky Carr in 2007. Exceeded by only the passing of Marc, but that was not directly related to any team activities. But last night, I felt the full force of the anti-fun mentality of what is the Bank of America Stadium operations.
I was ejected from the stadium in the third quarter for doing what I’ve been doing for the past fourteen years.
The “C A T S” cheer.
Come on, Panthers!!!
During ONE BRIGHT SPOT in an otherwise DISMAL preseason, I celebrated our ONE touchdown by doing as I’ve always done, jogging down to the bottom of the section, doing the cheer, and what to my amazement did I see? A red-shirted dweeb of the Show Pros group telling me to “get back in my seat!” I was incredulous! After 14 years, NOW they’re telling me NOT to pump up the crowd? I told him he had to be kidding me, and he proceed to warn me I would be ejected if I didn’t comply. I went to complain to a clipboard toting official person, and then, a posse of COPS surrounded me! They forced me to come to the security office, where I was asked virtually no questions, and given NO answers as to why I was being detained. I demanded to be told, but instead, I was told I would be jailed if I protested further.
I
Was
Stunned.
My wing man, Vic Hubacek shot some photos and video with one of those dad-blang I-phone contraptions, which actually turned out good for me. He’d questioned the Show Pros dweeb about what I had done, and he told him I was cursing down there – WTF??? CURSING??!! DURING THE C A T S CHEER??? You, mister John Ross, if that indeed is your name, are a clueless, power-drunk ill-placed ill-qualified child for such an important position. Perhaps Vic REALLY pissed him off with his pressing questions, which “John” didn’t feel he needed to answer, that unimportant waste of protoplasm.
All I know is that I was so blatantly wronged, that I knew I had to get this story out.
In the light of all of the changes in the top management positions and the sucky performance all around of the team, that the brusque, overbearing and totally unnecessary treatment of one the teams most vocal and passionate fans might be newsworthy. Upon coming home, I grabbed the White Pages, turned to “W”, and started calling news desks. I was determined to have my story heard by a VERY LARGE regional audience. I found an enthusiastic gleaner at Channel 36, and sure enough, Maria Kotula called me this morning, excited to know more. The news crew came to my office at 1.15, and filmed for about thirty minutes. The end result is a thing of beauty. It couldn’t do much better in making the Panthers stadium staff look bad if I had Washington’s expert spin medics do it. Maria tells me the video is on their website so check it out at
http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.wcnc.com%2Fvideo%2Findex.html%3Fnvid%3D395595&h=9ec234b770193d650e85f56372360fc8
I will be hearing from the Panthers Tuesday.
So, where does that leave me, your one-time vocal passionate voice of Pantherfanz?
It’s hard to say at this point. Right now, my enthusiasm for the team is ZILCH. ZIPPO. NADA. I’d rather pull for the Detroit Lions right now than to utter one meager cheer for this bunch. Yes, yes, I know that DWill & co. weren’t the a**holes who ejected me. But they are all part of the organization that’s wronged me. Still, I am a HUGE MEGA fan of the NFL, and in a wider scope, the game of football. No matter what the Panthers hand down to me in the aftermath of my challenge, I will be at the lot on every gameday, I will continue to rant, week after week on this website. I think this collection of football fans transcends the petty bullshit, the crappy performances, and I am tasked by the honour and memory of someone I love dearly, who also had his share of run-ins with stadium fascists.
And I still picked DeAngelo Williams with the first pick of my fantasy draft.
The season is beginning. I’ll be back with season projections for the league before Thursday.
And I leave you, unfortunately, not with a claw, not with a growl, but a heartfelt-
“Go FANZ!” – It’s good, at least, to get the party started once more. The tribal fires are lit, and the warriors reassemble. No matter what the Panthers do, WE are going to have yet another killer season.
Gotta Comment ?
E-mail me, the one-time Cedar Street Seer,
“Crazy Joe” the “CLAW MAN!!!”
CaptnTee@aol.com
I was ejected from the stadium in the third quarter for doing what I’ve been doing for the past fourteen years.
The “C A T S” cheer.
Come on, Panthers!!!
During ONE BRIGHT SPOT in an otherwise DISMAL preseason, I celebrated our ONE touchdown by doing as I’ve always done, jogging down to the bottom of the section, doing the cheer, and what to my amazement did I see? A red-shirted dweeb of the Show Pros group telling me to “get back in my seat!” I was incredulous! After 14 years, NOW they’re telling me NOT to pump up the crowd? I told him he had to be kidding me, and he proceed to warn me I would be ejected if I didn’t comply. I went to complain to a clipboard toting official person, and then, a posse of COPS surrounded me! They forced me to come to the security office, where I was asked virtually no questions, and given NO answers as to why I was being detained. I demanded to be told, but instead, I was told I would be jailed if I protested further.
I
Was
Stunned.
My wing man, Vic Hubacek shot some photos and video with one of those dad-blang I-phone contraptions, which actually turned out good for me. He’d questioned the Show Pros dweeb about what I had done, and he told him I was cursing down there – WTF??? CURSING??!! DURING THE C A T S CHEER??? You, mister John Ross, if that indeed is your name, are a clueless, power-drunk ill-placed ill-qualified child for such an important position. Perhaps Vic REALLY pissed him off with his pressing questions, which “John” didn’t feel he needed to answer, that unimportant waste of protoplasm.
All I know is that I was so blatantly wronged, that I knew I had to get this story out.
In the light of all of the changes in the top management positions and the sucky performance all around of the team, that the brusque, overbearing and totally unnecessary treatment of one the teams most vocal and passionate fans might be newsworthy. Upon coming home, I grabbed the White Pages, turned to “W”, and started calling news desks. I was determined to have my story heard by a VERY LARGE regional audience. I found an enthusiastic gleaner at Channel 36, and sure enough, Maria Kotula called me this morning, excited to know more. The news crew came to my office at 1.15, and filmed for about thirty minutes. The end result is a thing of beauty. It couldn’t do much better in making the Panthers stadium staff look bad if I had Washington’s expert spin medics do it. Maria tells me the video is on their website so check it out at
http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.wcnc.com%2Fvideo%2Findex.html%3Fnvid%3D395595&h=9ec234b770193d650e85f56372360fc8
I will be hearing from the Panthers Tuesday.
So, where does that leave me, your one-time vocal passionate voice of Pantherfanz?
It’s hard to say at this point. Right now, my enthusiasm for the team is ZILCH. ZIPPO. NADA. I’d rather pull for the Detroit Lions right now than to utter one meager cheer for this bunch. Yes, yes, I know that DWill & co. weren’t the a**holes who ejected me. But they are all part of the organization that’s wronged me. Still, I am a HUGE MEGA fan of the NFL, and in a wider scope, the game of football. No matter what the Panthers hand down to me in the aftermath of my challenge, I will be at the lot on every gameday, I will continue to rant, week after week on this website. I think this collection of football fans transcends the petty bullshit, the crappy performances, and I am tasked by the honour and memory of someone I love dearly, who also had his share of run-ins with stadium fascists.
And I still picked DeAngelo Williams with the first pick of my fantasy draft.
The season is beginning. I’ll be back with season projections for the league before Thursday.
And I leave you, unfortunately, not with a claw, not with a growl, but a heartfelt-
“Go FANZ!” – It’s good, at least, to get the party started once more. The tribal fires are lit, and the warriors reassemble. No matter what the Panthers do, WE are going to have yet another killer season.
Gotta Comment ?
E-mail me, the one-time Cedar Street Seer,
“Crazy Joe” the “CLAW MAN!!!”
CaptnTee@aol.com
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