October 12th, 2008
UGGHHH! Call this abomination whatever explicative you wish. It’s a good thing the lot lizards from your Cedar Street tailgating home were entertaining kids as well as the grownup PantherFanz, or there would have been much cussing, breaking of things, and loud gnashing of body parts. I did NOT see this spanking coming. This performance by the Panthers, overall, was reminiscent of the lackadaisical floundering of last seasons’ abortion of a team. It was clear, from the first possession of the game, which ended in a blocked punt returned for a TD by Chucky’s boys, that this was going to be a tough, hard fought game. But it was tough only for the blue-jerseyed Cats. Hard fought only by the Buccaneers. I’m sure many of our fans are wondering---
What happened to the Panthers?
On a metaphysical level, perhaps the fact we’d been discovered by the media, anxious to anoint another NFL team after the Cowpatties have stumbled. The Panthers always perform better when they’re under the radar. Well, start 4-1, and you’re getting noticed in this league. Perhaps they started reading the press clippings again and believing all of the love showered upon this team. Well, let me remind the players AND their fans, it’s never mattered less what the damned writers say about your team. It matters what you do on the field. The Panthers had “superior” personnel at practically EVERY position. But from the beginning, they were out- executed, out hit, out physicaled, and yes, Foxy- OUTCOACHED. Foxball was a miserable failure today. Hell, ANY ball Foxy called to be played today was a miserable failure. Instead of bemoaning the multitude of mistakes made by EVERY PLAYER WEARING A PANTHER UNIFORM, I’m going to recant the conversation I had with a former Philthydelphia Iggles offensive lineman. I can’t recall his first name, but his last name was Darby. Perhaps one of you Yankees can recall him. He played in the late nineties, but wrecked his knee in his second season and turned his earnings into a bachelor of nursing degree, and gained a position at CMC. He was in my shop buying scrubs, and I marveled at the size differential between his britches (xl) and his shirt (4xl). Fitting him was tough, and when he responded to my question about where he played his football, as it was obvious by his physique, the conversation just flowed.
The thing I’m going to remember most of all from that conversation by the very friendly Mr. Darby, is according to him, what happens from the opening snap on the very first series. As a lineman, the game boils down to you, and the man you are to block. Period. On that first play, SOMEONE is getting knocked on their ass, or lose ground. If it’s YOU that winds up on your ass on that play, you are DONE for the day. Your opponent has you beat. But if it’s YOU that’s holding ground over your opponent, victory is yours. If your other teammates on the line are doing the same, odds are you are winning the game. Of course, unless your skill players are making boneheaded mistakes and turnovers.
In the very best Maddenism, THIS IS FOOTBALL. And the Panthers are the ones who got knocked on their ass today. And this had better be one of the last times this happens this year, if the event with the “P” word is to be experienced. Fortunately, the NFL stands for NOT FOR LONG, and we had better not dwell on this loss. As Foxy goes, he never gets too up, or too down. I believe James had quoted him as saying “You’re never as good as you think you are, or as bad as they say you are”. Pretty even keeled. But even keeled hasn’t been as good for us as we’d like to be! Ok, you know what, yeah, this was a BAD LOSS to a GOOD TEAM. Yeah, it’s a division game, I know this. But we have FOUR MORE to play. Anyone panicking right now after this loss is a fool. Wanna feel better?
Be a DeadSkins fan. Know what happened to THEM today? Got beat- AT HOME by a Saint Looey Lambs team that had NO BUSINESS being in that game, but the FredSkins got fat and happy with their four-game winning streak. The impact of this game was as thunderous as if WE had been beaten by the Chefs last week. Moreso. The Lambs were winless. THEIR loss was a BAD LOSS to a BAD TEAM. Be a Vikings Fan. Your team, after trimming the Saints IN THEIR HOUSE had to rally to squeak by a DREADFUL Ly-uns team. Be a Seadogs fan. The Favreless Packers, struggling, came to YOUR HOUSE and beat your ass. Be a Cowbaby fan. Your MIGHTY COWBABIES, anointed by every sportswriter to be this years Super Bowl champion, got whupped by the lowly Cardy-Noles. At a stadium in Arid-zona that was 50% Cowpuppy fans! (this is actually a situation that really pisses me off, BTW)(more on this another time) Yeah, and be a NewEnglandland fan. Your Pastry-Rots are getting another thumping at the hands of the Chargers. So, cheer up, PantherFanz. Think OUR loss is the big story this week? No way, baby. But the heat on us gets turned up on us exponentially now, like the steam that thrust it’s melting jets on us in Tampa today. You know, I felt uncomfortable just watching this contest in my matching blue HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOver jersey. This coming Sunday, we are getting the offensive juggernaut that is New Orleans. Who, similar to us last week, dispatched a weak and struggling AFC Worst opponent in the Schraiders in a dramaless blowout THIS week. And similar to us THIS week, are going to play a road division game NEXT week. Are you following the karma?
One thing I’m feeling good about would be the trends this year as opposed to the last two years. We are doing a MUCH better job playing at home. Yeah, we lost to tough road games against decent opponents, and WON one against an even tougher one in the Chargers. But we’ve protected the house so far. I’m confident we make a better showing against a Saints team with a BETTER OFFENSE than the Bucs, but a far inferior DEFENSIVE opponent. And one thing’s for sure, Foxy had BETTER prepare this team better than he did for this Tampa game.
And let’s not forget-
We DO get a rematch with these Pirates of the Pewter Pants – In our house, Monday night, December. Be there. I’m sure the Panthers will be.
Gotta Comment?
Email me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
12 October, 2008
A ODE TO A GREAT WEEKEND
I would be amiss, before I let loose my Sunday evening rant, If I did not post this wonderful prose from our Panther Bro Peter, written upon his return to The Great White North.
Read and enjoy.
Canadian Pantherfanz 2008
From the north, the horde they came,
Clubs in hand, and shirted same,
To help their Cats protect their park,
And on their arms, a salute to Marc.
In Charlotte, at the Garden Inn,
Is where their quest would sure begin.
A night spent quiet, to review the plan,
And mugs of mead for every man.
And in the morn, as heads, they healed,
In groups of four they took the field.
Their clubs unsheathed, they rang like chimes,
The flags were captured, eighteen times.
And in the eve, allies were met,
And stomachs filled, and lips made wet.
Fish was prepared, and likewise cattle,
To steel them all, for the next day’s battle.
And maidens fair, too, joined the feast,
And late it was, when the drinking ceased.
On Sunday morn, the horde made ready,
Although same hands were quite unsteady.
Some northern drink, brought by the horde,
Was offered up to maid and lord.
And exotic foods, cooked by the hosts,
Was gobbled down, between the toasts.
And then the battle, twas over quick,
We had our way, pass, run, or kick.
The horde, they cheered, in cloud-clear weather,
As the field, it filled, with Chieftain feather.
For a few more days, the horde, they stayed,
And friends came out, and drank and played.
But then was time, to head back home,
And to their friends, they said shalom.
But remember from afar we cheer,
And dream about our trip next year.
Read and enjoy.
Canadian Pantherfanz 2008
From the north, the horde they came,
Clubs in hand, and shirted same,
To help their Cats protect their park,
And on their arms, a salute to Marc.
In Charlotte, at the Garden Inn,
Is where their quest would sure begin.
A night spent quiet, to review the plan,
And mugs of mead for every man.
And in the morn, as heads, they healed,
In groups of four they took the field.
Their clubs unsheathed, they rang like chimes,
The flags were captured, eighteen times.
And in the eve, allies were met,
And stomachs filled, and lips made wet.
Fish was prepared, and likewise cattle,
To steel them all, for the next day’s battle.
And maidens fair, too, joined the feast,
And late it was, when the drinking ceased.
On Sunday morn, the horde made ready,
Although same hands were quite unsteady.
Some northern drink, brought by the horde,
Was offered up to maid and lord.
And exotic foods, cooked by the hosts,
Was gobbled down, between the toasts.
And then the battle, twas over quick,
We had our way, pass, run, or kick.
The horde, they cheered, in cloud-clear weather,
As the field, it filled, with Chieftain feather.
For a few more days, the horde, they stayed,
And friends came out, and drank and played.
But then was time, to head back home,
And to their friends, they said shalom.
But remember from afar we cheer,
And dream about our trip next year.
10 October, 2008
THE WEEKLY HANDICAP AND OTHER CLARIVOYANCES-WEEK 6
October 10th, 2008
AHHHH, THAT’S a little more like it! A 9-5 week will get a seer like me a bit chippier. I won’t be happy this year unless I’m at least at 70%. So with no further blathering, I go to the week’s contests.
CrOAKLAND @ NAW’LINS
The Saints did a great job last Monday giving a VITAL game away to the visiting Vikings- I’m certain they WON’T do it again against a rudderless Schraider team. CrOakland’s overmatched, at least offensively, against the Saints attack. The line is at 7 ½. I’m going with the home team in this contest.
BALL-TEA-MOORE @ INDIANAPOLIS
The resurgent Ravens have had two really TOUGH games to play the past weeks. But for a play or two, we would be talking about a 4-0 team, and not one looking up at the amazingly lucky Squealers. The Colts are winning with miracles here lately, it seems. Home ain’t so sweet to these guys, and I’m thinking that “Raven-ous D” shuts down the Manning Machine enough in Peyton’s Place to keep this close, and perhaps even win. The line is 5 ½, and I’m thinking the Ravens cover.
CINCINATTAH @ B*R*E*T*S BRETS BRETS BRETS
Boy, was I wrong about the Bungles last week! More about this when I handicap the Cowboys- But I have this feeling the Bungles may have “shot their wad” last week. Favre seems to have his better games against inferior opponents, and that will be certainly the case this Sunday. The line is 6 for the home team, and I like the BRETS in this game.
CAROLINA @ TAMPA BAY
Ok, I spoke about this game in my last rant. The Panthers are superior in every phase of the game, except perhaps the O line which could be missing its best two players for the second week. If the defense plays like it’s capable of doing, that will offset any drop off offensively, and the Bucs, who are favored by only 1 point, could wilt in its own stadium. Carolina’s a great road team, and I think they win here. Take the Cats.
DEE-TROY-IT @ MINI-SODA
WHOA- I just got a look at the line- A whopping 13 ½ for the Vikings! After seeing what DaBears had done to them AT THEIR HOUSE last week, I’m not feelin’ much love for the Ly-uns. But this line seems excessive. Ok, I’ll bite. After watching the Vikings edge the Saints on the road last Monday under the influence of Keller’s Rusty Nails, I’m leaning to the Vikings, and I’ll be pissed if I’m wrong. Take the Vikings and the doo-doo load of points if you dare.
DaBEARS @ THE DUCKIES
The line started at 2 ½ for the Monsters of the Midway, and has gone up to 3 in some books. Yeah, DaBears are playin’ great ball so far this year. But it KILLS me, JUST KILLS me to say that the $%^&#@^**@# Duckies aren’t nearly as bad as I thought they’d be. They have played their best ball at home, and I don’t see a part of DaBears game that overpowers the Duckies – There will be plenty of running in this one, I and I wouldn’t be surprised to see our hated rivals win this one. I’m leaning to the Duckies to not only cover, but win the game. DAMN, that hurts to say!
MIAMI @ HOUSTON
Ohhhhh, Houston, you have a problem. I had no ideal Sage Rosenfels was starting last week. I think he starts this week again. I felt that last week was a game that the Texans HAD to win. I think the vortex of despair starts to pull them down. The Dullfins are gettin’ it done somehow with fundamentally sound football and a surprisingly good running game, as long as Ricky Willams doesn’t think about weed. Wrong team favored- Take the Dullfins getting 3 points in this one. And to think I predicted the Texans would be good enough for ….. the “P” word, which Coach Mora admonishes me NOT to say…
SAINT LOOEY LAMBS @ WARSHINGTON
On paper this seems like an absolute AZZZZZ whoopin. Ok, I’m sayin’ it. It IS going to be an AZZZZ whoopin! Remember last week’s drop kickin’ of Herm Edward’s Chihuahua? Happens here. Take the ShreadSkins and that meager 13 ½ points. Not even new head coach Jim Haslett can stop this onslaught this week. He’ll get ‘em marginally better, but not this week.
DENVER @ JACKSONVILLE
Jag-you-whyers, you really pissed me off last week. You had the Squealers, your most fierce conference rival on the ropes, and you let ‘em off the hook. You ain’t as ferocious as I thought, and after the Broncoids managed to bounce a better Bucs squad last week, I think they’re game for the Jag-you-whyers. I like the Broncoids getting 3 ½ points on the road.
PHILTHYDELPHIA @ SAD FRANCISCO
The line opened at 5 and has now gone down to 4 ½. I guess Brian Westbrooks’ injury is worse than feared. The Fleagles are really getting beat up way too early this season. Their backs are against the wall, and they really should have beaten the DeadSkins last week. If they lose this game, it’s probably over for any chance at that event that causes Coach Mora to spew, and it starts with a “P”… While the Phoney-Niners DO need this game to keep up with the, **AHEM** Mighty Cardy-noles, it won’t be devastating for them to lose this game because the division is simply that bad. The Boids are desperate. The Fleagle “D” will be enough to handle the Niners. Take the Boids and the 4 ½.
DALLAS @ ARID-ZONA
How in the hell do the supposedly UNBEATABLE CowBabies let the Cincinattah BUNGLES hang around in THEIR HOUSE!!?? HUH? HUH? HUH? Five weeks into the season, and they are winning with OFFENSE only. It takes defense to win championships, and theirs isn’t gelling. What’s worse, is that poisonous diva Terrell Owens is starting to whine again. A game in the desert isn’t the place to get well against the **GULP** DIVISION LEADING CARDY-NOLES??? Say it ain’t so. Dallas is favoured by 5, and believe it or not, I’m leanin’ to the Cards to cover. Whine on,T.O.
GREEN BAY @ SEATTLE
This line opened at 3 and has plummeted to 2. Both of these teams are smarting from bad, BAD losses last week. It’s possible the loser of this game goes to bad team jail for the rest of the season. The SeaDogs are at home, and I’m not sure that means much. On paper, the defense is SO much better than the Packers’, but they as of yet have not put together a strong effort this year. Now is the time Mike Holmgren, and Son Of Jim. HEEEEEEEEEEEEESHHH! This is a stinker game to call. I’m leanin’ to the SeaDogs, ‘cause the Power Of Tundra has left the team whose fans wear fake foam cheese on their heads.
NEW ENGLANDLAND @ SAD DIEGO
Well, so far, The Pastry-Rots have survived Life Without Tom. Good for you, Dr. EvilCheck. You get another bonus road trip on the primetime stage. Good news for you, is that the Chargers are banged up enough that you MIGHT actually have a chance. They’re tough at home, but not impossible to take, just ask a guy that’s been tough on you every time you’ve played him- You might see him on a Bojangles commercial. While the Patsies were able to handle the Phoney-Niners at the Stick last week, QualCom might be a harder house to humble. The line opened at 6, and has gone down to 5 ½. I like the Pastry-Rots to cover.
GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEMEN @ CLEVELANDLAND
Ughh. What a stinker of a game for Monday night. I saw these two in preseason, and it looked like there was only one set of starters in the first half. You’ll see Brady Quinn under center by the end of the game, I guarantee it. And it won’t make a difference. G’ints stay unbeaten, and will CERTAINLY beat the Brownie-drawers by MORE than the 8 points they are favoured by in most books, and I have seen the line at 9. Don’t matter. GeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeMen BIG!
I’m feelin’ good after last week in which I went 9-5.
For the season I’ve shot up to 24-18.
Gotta Comment?
Email me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
AHHHH, THAT’S a little more like it! A 9-5 week will get a seer like me a bit chippier. I won’t be happy this year unless I’m at least at 70%. So with no further blathering, I go to the week’s contests.
CrOAKLAND @ NAW’LINS
The Saints did a great job last Monday giving a VITAL game away to the visiting Vikings- I’m certain they WON’T do it again against a rudderless Schraider team. CrOakland’s overmatched, at least offensively, against the Saints attack. The line is at 7 ½. I’m going with the home team in this contest.
BALL-TEA-MOORE @ INDIANAPOLIS
The resurgent Ravens have had two really TOUGH games to play the past weeks. But for a play or two, we would be talking about a 4-0 team, and not one looking up at the amazingly lucky Squealers. The Colts are winning with miracles here lately, it seems. Home ain’t so sweet to these guys, and I’m thinking that “Raven-ous D” shuts down the Manning Machine enough in Peyton’s Place to keep this close, and perhaps even win. The line is 5 ½, and I’m thinking the Ravens cover.
CINCINATTAH @ B*R*E*T*S BRETS BRETS BRETS
Boy, was I wrong about the Bungles last week! More about this when I handicap the Cowboys- But I have this feeling the Bungles may have “shot their wad” last week. Favre seems to have his better games against inferior opponents, and that will be certainly the case this Sunday. The line is 6 for the home team, and I like the BRETS in this game.
CAROLINA @ TAMPA BAY
Ok, I spoke about this game in my last rant. The Panthers are superior in every phase of the game, except perhaps the O line which could be missing its best two players for the second week. If the defense plays like it’s capable of doing, that will offset any drop off offensively, and the Bucs, who are favored by only 1 point, could wilt in its own stadium. Carolina’s a great road team, and I think they win here. Take the Cats.
DEE-TROY-IT @ MINI-SODA
WHOA- I just got a look at the line- A whopping 13 ½ for the Vikings! After seeing what DaBears had done to them AT THEIR HOUSE last week, I’m not feelin’ much love for the Ly-uns. But this line seems excessive. Ok, I’ll bite. After watching the Vikings edge the Saints on the road last Monday under the influence of Keller’s Rusty Nails, I’m leaning to the Vikings, and I’ll be pissed if I’m wrong. Take the Vikings and the doo-doo load of points if you dare.
DaBEARS @ THE DUCKIES
The line started at 2 ½ for the Monsters of the Midway, and has gone up to 3 in some books. Yeah, DaBears are playin’ great ball so far this year. But it KILLS me, JUST KILLS me to say that the $%^&#@^**@# Duckies aren’t nearly as bad as I thought they’d be. They have played their best ball at home, and I don’t see a part of DaBears game that overpowers the Duckies – There will be plenty of running in this one, I and I wouldn’t be surprised to see our hated rivals win this one. I’m leaning to the Duckies to not only cover, but win the game. DAMN, that hurts to say!
MIAMI @ HOUSTON
Ohhhhh, Houston, you have a problem. I had no ideal Sage Rosenfels was starting last week. I think he starts this week again. I felt that last week was a game that the Texans HAD to win. I think the vortex of despair starts to pull them down. The Dullfins are gettin’ it done somehow with fundamentally sound football and a surprisingly good running game, as long as Ricky Willams doesn’t think about weed. Wrong team favored- Take the Dullfins getting 3 points in this one. And to think I predicted the Texans would be good enough for ….. the “P” word, which Coach Mora admonishes me NOT to say…
SAINT LOOEY LAMBS @ WARSHINGTON
On paper this seems like an absolute AZZZZZ whoopin. Ok, I’m sayin’ it. It IS going to be an AZZZZ whoopin! Remember last week’s drop kickin’ of Herm Edward’s Chihuahua? Happens here. Take the ShreadSkins and that meager 13 ½ points. Not even new head coach Jim Haslett can stop this onslaught this week. He’ll get ‘em marginally better, but not this week.
DENVER @ JACKSONVILLE
Jag-you-whyers, you really pissed me off last week. You had the Squealers, your most fierce conference rival on the ropes, and you let ‘em off the hook. You ain’t as ferocious as I thought, and after the Broncoids managed to bounce a better Bucs squad last week, I think they’re game for the Jag-you-whyers. I like the Broncoids getting 3 ½ points on the road.
PHILTHYDELPHIA @ SAD FRANCISCO
The line opened at 5 and has now gone down to 4 ½. I guess Brian Westbrooks’ injury is worse than feared. The Fleagles are really getting beat up way too early this season. Their backs are against the wall, and they really should have beaten the DeadSkins last week. If they lose this game, it’s probably over for any chance at that event that causes Coach Mora to spew, and it starts with a “P”… While the Phoney-Niners DO need this game to keep up with the, **AHEM** Mighty Cardy-noles, it won’t be devastating for them to lose this game because the division is simply that bad. The Boids are desperate. The Fleagle “D” will be enough to handle the Niners. Take the Boids and the 4 ½.
DALLAS @ ARID-ZONA
How in the hell do the supposedly UNBEATABLE CowBabies let the Cincinattah BUNGLES hang around in THEIR HOUSE!!?? HUH? HUH? HUH? Five weeks into the season, and they are winning with OFFENSE only. It takes defense to win championships, and theirs isn’t gelling. What’s worse, is that poisonous diva Terrell Owens is starting to whine again. A game in the desert isn’t the place to get well against the **GULP** DIVISION LEADING CARDY-NOLES??? Say it ain’t so. Dallas is favoured by 5, and believe it or not, I’m leanin’ to the Cards to cover. Whine on,T.O.
GREEN BAY @ SEATTLE
This line opened at 3 and has plummeted to 2. Both of these teams are smarting from bad, BAD losses last week. It’s possible the loser of this game goes to bad team jail for the rest of the season. The SeaDogs are at home, and I’m not sure that means much. On paper, the defense is SO much better than the Packers’, but they as of yet have not put together a strong effort this year. Now is the time Mike Holmgren, and Son Of Jim. HEEEEEEEEEEEEESHHH! This is a stinker game to call. I’m leanin’ to the SeaDogs, ‘cause the Power Of Tundra has left the team whose fans wear fake foam cheese on their heads.
NEW ENGLANDLAND @ SAD DIEGO
Well, so far, The Pastry-Rots have survived Life Without Tom. Good for you, Dr. EvilCheck. You get another bonus road trip on the primetime stage. Good news for you, is that the Chargers are banged up enough that you MIGHT actually have a chance. They’re tough at home, but not impossible to take, just ask a guy that’s been tough on you every time you’ve played him- You might see him on a Bojangles commercial. While the Patsies were able to handle the Phoney-Niners at the Stick last week, QualCom might be a harder house to humble. The line opened at 6, and has gone down to 5 ½. I like the Pastry-Rots to cover.
GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEMEN @ CLEVELANDLAND
Ughh. What a stinker of a game for Monday night. I saw these two in preseason, and it looked like there was only one set of starters in the first half. You’ll see Brady Quinn under center by the end of the game, I guarantee it. And it won’t make a difference. G’ints stay unbeaten, and will CERTAINLY beat the Brownie-drawers by MORE than the 8 points they are favoured by in most books, and I have seen the line at 9. Don’t matter. GeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeMen BIG!
I’m feelin’ good after last week in which I went 9-5.
For the season I’ve shot up to 24-18.
Gotta Comment?
Email me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
09 October, 2008
QUICK UPDATE, AND IT'S A GOOD ONE!
October 9th, 2008
I just found out from multiple media sources that Our VERY OWN DAN ORTEL will be putting on shoulder pads and playing offensive tackle for Our Cats against Tampa Bay-
Alright, I didn't believe that either.
But THIS is no bull- Jordan Gross and Jeff Otah BOTH practiced today with the team and now appear likely for the game this Sunday. HOW GOOD IS THAT???!!!
In geek speak, that's like standing on the collapsing platform with the Queen Bitch Alien coming up the elevator to get you, and the android Bishop comes just in time in the drop ship to save you. It's like John McClain (not the candidate, the Die Hard charachter) about to be blasted out by the terrorist, when the genteel LA fat cop gets him right between the eyes. It's like TIE fighters closing in on you when your pal Wedge Antillies zooms in and splashes them non chalantly, and you can continue your assult on the Death Star.
We need Kalil back, but seems like Jake feels comfortable enough with Hangartner that that doesn't seem to be an issue. Prepare for a serious attack by Stewilliams on Sunday! And if we blitz, Chucky'll wish he had Chris Simms back! Hell, he'll wish he had PHIL Simms!
Rejoice PantherFanz. The weekend is nigh, the Race is Saturday, College football is Saturday, and we're the best team on the ticket for Sunday.
Picks tomorrow-
Gotta Comment?
Email me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
I just found out from multiple media sources that Our VERY OWN DAN ORTEL will be putting on shoulder pads and playing offensive tackle for Our Cats against Tampa Bay-
Alright, I didn't believe that either.
But THIS is no bull- Jordan Gross and Jeff Otah BOTH practiced today with the team and now appear likely for the game this Sunday. HOW GOOD IS THAT???!!!
In geek speak, that's like standing on the collapsing platform with the Queen Bitch Alien coming up the elevator to get you, and the android Bishop comes just in time in the drop ship to save you. It's like John McClain (not the candidate, the Die Hard charachter) about to be blasted out by the terrorist, when the genteel LA fat cop gets him right between the eyes. It's like TIE fighters closing in on you when your pal Wedge Antillies zooms in and splashes them non chalantly, and you can continue your assult on the Death Star.
We need Kalil back, but seems like Jake feels comfortable enough with Hangartner that that doesn't seem to be an issue. Prepare for a serious attack by Stewilliams on Sunday! And if we blitz, Chucky'll wish he had Chris Simms back! Hell, he'll wish he had PHIL Simms!
Rejoice PantherFanz. The weekend is nigh, the Race is Saturday, College football is Saturday, and we're the best team on the ticket for Sunday.
Picks tomorrow-
Gotta Comment?
Email me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
08 October, 2008
THAT WAS EASY- NOW IT STARTS GETTING HARDER-
October 8th, 2008
After seemingly endless pops of great Canadian beer and some pretty extraordinary golf (!) and some seriously drunken fellowship I can finally put some thoughts together, starting with Sunday’s game.
Before I do, I’ve GOT to shout out to the Canadian group who once again came down and helped us put on one of the best parties we’ve had as a group. I hated to miss the restaurant jaunt, but the Monday golf outing and afternoon and evening ruckus could only have been beaten if the Swedish Bikini Team had joined us. But, back to my thoughts about the game.
Good on you, Foxy.
You managed to coach up the players to FOCUS on this game, if you can call it that. I’m trying to find the right metaphor to describe it. It’s like watching Pea-Dad drop-kick a yapping Chihuahua. It’s entertaining for a few times, and then you start feeling bad for the Chihuahua. Only, the Chefs never yapped. They took their punishment stoically, and quietly. I was actually flabbergasted to see the stats accumulate on the scoreboard. For the Panthers, it was like a record snowfall in Suck-ra-kewz. For the Chefs, it was like deep winter in Jacksonville, where snowfall is measured in microns.
I never disliked the Chiefs team, and could usually find myself pulling for them. Don’t get me wrong, it’s great to win, and it’s great to blow someone out, but for goodness sake-
This was a BAD football team!
Wouldn’t you rather do this against, say, THE DUCKIES? Or The Squealers? Or another division foe like, uhhhm,
The Tampa Bay Buck-an-ears?
And if you do, boy, have I got news for you- We get our chance this Sunday! Only I think the Bucs have something to say about that. Everything went right for us last week, even when it went wrong- we can credit the defense for that, really. And I swear, I didn’t see a blitz, not once. Ok, maybe that shadow of the goal post attack where Peppers and Johnson pummeled Huard into the turf. (See Turkey-Vac? THIS is what happens when you BLITZ, you %^@#_(*^%$&^@%*#$^!!!!) This is going to be imperative to execute in Tampa on Sunday. Here’s my keys to the game – The absolute CRUX of our success will be the play of our offensive line. Controlling the line of scrimmage against the strongest part of the Buccaneer game is of utmost importance if a victory is the Panther’s goal (and what a moronic suggestion that it would be ANYTHING ELSE!). If Jordan and Jeff are not available, their backups had BETTER BE READY TO PLAY- I’m thinking that the backs and receivers are going to have to stay home to block a bit in the beginning to get the offense going. Those corners of the Bucs are going to be hitting a lot harder than the corners we’ve been facing for the past few weeks. I’m thinking the Buccaneer game plan is to double-team Smitty. So SOMEONE on offense will have to make a play, and we may have to ride someone like Moose or Dante extra-hard. If Jake is sacked more than three times, we are going to lose. UNLESS- The defense makes the kind of plays we’ve been making for MOST of the season. Which is my second key to the contest. I’m thinking if we really get after Garcia-Greasy, whoever’s under center, we will control this game. The Buccaneer running game does NOT scare me at all. Yeah, I know Warrick Dunn can make plays, but our trend this season, now five games old against the best backs in the game, leads me to think that MOST teams are going to have to beat us through the air. So, bring it on, Chucky.
I’m gonna have to be honest with y’all.
Tampa doesn’t scare me. We’ve won five of the last seven times we’ve gone down there. We have a winning record all-time against them. Jake is really familiar with everything they do, and I firmly believe we are superior at every position. So, what would keep us from victory? Poor execution. Continued false start penalties and sloppy tackling. And this is part of the motivating process, my THIRD key to this game. If I’m Foxy, I’m letting my players know how hungry the Bucs are- How talented and ferocious they are- how capable they are of beating us. God knows that Chucky’s doin’ it! Tampa doesn’t need a lot of motivation to get up for playing US! As a matter of fact, if the wins continue to come, NO team we play this year, (and the next) will have any problem getting up to play us. So, as the pleasant memory of the metaphysical drop-kicking of Pea-Dad’s Chihuahua recedes into the past, let’s take care of Tampa, and come home to face an ANGRY Naw’lins Saints team, who will unleash their powerful offense on us. THAT could be a scorefest come October 19th. And then it’s Arid-Zona at home and not a complete pushover. But that bye couldn’t come at a more perfect time in the schedule. It almost feels like karma, of the best kind. After the bye? The Schraiders, the Lions. Two of the leagues WORST teams. And then, the season hangs in the balance with tough, TOUGH games against the Duckies in their place, where they’re decent, AT the Packers, although they seem to be fading, Bucs at home, At the GEEEEEEEE Men, and THAT could be a battle for home field advantage, Broncoids at home, and then AT the Saints, who’d LOVE to spoil our season if they could. It’s vital for the Panther’s success to make hay NOW while the schedule affords it. Going 6-2 before the bye would be awesome. Going 7-1 would be better. Starting the second half with a pair of wins puts us in a nice position to take control of the division, which all of a sudden, looks a bit tougher than it did at the start of the season. Because friends- I guarantee you, we are NOT going 8-0 in the second half of the season. Someone is beating us, and maybe more than once.
I just got a bit of a rush-
WHAT IF I'm wrong, and we go 15 and-
I’m stopping now. I can’t go there yet.
I’ll be back with the weekly handicap Friday. Some of you I’ll see Sunday.
Gotta Comment?
E-mail me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
After seemingly endless pops of great Canadian beer and some pretty extraordinary golf (!) and some seriously drunken fellowship I can finally put some thoughts together, starting with Sunday’s game.
Before I do, I’ve GOT to shout out to the Canadian group who once again came down and helped us put on one of the best parties we’ve had as a group. I hated to miss the restaurant jaunt, but the Monday golf outing and afternoon and evening ruckus could only have been beaten if the Swedish Bikini Team had joined us. But, back to my thoughts about the game.
Good on you, Foxy.
You managed to coach up the players to FOCUS on this game, if you can call it that. I’m trying to find the right metaphor to describe it. It’s like watching Pea-Dad drop-kick a yapping Chihuahua. It’s entertaining for a few times, and then you start feeling bad for the Chihuahua. Only, the Chefs never yapped. They took their punishment stoically, and quietly. I was actually flabbergasted to see the stats accumulate on the scoreboard. For the Panthers, it was like a record snowfall in Suck-ra-kewz. For the Chefs, it was like deep winter in Jacksonville, where snowfall is measured in microns.
I never disliked the Chiefs team, and could usually find myself pulling for them. Don’t get me wrong, it’s great to win, and it’s great to blow someone out, but for goodness sake-
This was a BAD football team!
Wouldn’t you rather do this against, say, THE DUCKIES? Or The Squealers? Or another division foe like, uhhhm,
The Tampa Bay Buck-an-ears?
And if you do, boy, have I got news for you- We get our chance this Sunday! Only I think the Bucs have something to say about that. Everything went right for us last week, even when it went wrong- we can credit the defense for that, really. And I swear, I didn’t see a blitz, not once. Ok, maybe that shadow of the goal post attack where Peppers and Johnson pummeled Huard into the turf. (See Turkey-Vac? THIS is what happens when you BLITZ, you %^@#_(*^%$&^@%*#$^!!!!) This is going to be imperative to execute in Tampa on Sunday. Here’s my keys to the game – The absolute CRUX of our success will be the play of our offensive line. Controlling the line of scrimmage against the strongest part of the Buccaneer game is of utmost importance if a victory is the Panther’s goal (and what a moronic suggestion that it would be ANYTHING ELSE!). If Jordan and Jeff are not available, their backups had BETTER BE READY TO PLAY- I’m thinking that the backs and receivers are going to have to stay home to block a bit in the beginning to get the offense going. Those corners of the Bucs are going to be hitting a lot harder than the corners we’ve been facing for the past few weeks. I’m thinking the Buccaneer game plan is to double-team Smitty. So SOMEONE on offense will have to make a play, and we may have to ride someone like Moose or Dante extra-hard. If Jake is sacked more than three times, we are going to lose. UNLESS- The defense makes the kind of plays we’ve been making for MOST of the season. Which is my second key to the contest. I’m thinking if we really get after Garcia-Greasy, whoever’s under center, we will control this game. The Buccaneer running game does NOT scare me at all. Yeah, I know Warrick Dunn can make plays, but our trend this season, now five games old against the best backs in the game, leads me to think that MOST teams are going to have to beat us through the air. So, bring it on, Chucky.
I’m gonna have to be honest with y’all.
Tampa doesn’t scare me. We’ve won five of the last seven times we’ve gone down there. We have a winning record all-time against them. Jake is really familiar with everything they do, and I firmly believe we are superior at every position. So, what would keep us from victory? Poor execution. Continued false start penalties and sloppy tackling. And this is part of the motivating process, my THIRD key to this game. If I’m Foxy, I’m letting my players know how hungry the Bucs are- How talented and ferocious they are- how capable they are of beating us. God knows that Chucky’s doin’ it! Tampa doesn’t need a lot of motivation to get up for playing US! As a matter of fact, if the wins continue to come, NO team we play this year, (and the next) will have any problem getting up to play us. So, as the pleasant memory of the metaphysical drop-kicking of Pea-Dad’s Chihuahua recedes into the past, let’s take care of Tampa, and come home to face an ANGRY Naw’lins Saints team, who will unleash their powerful offense on us. THAT could be a scorefest come October 19th. And then it’s Arid-Zona at home and not a complete pushover. But that bye couldn’t come at a more perfect time in the schedule. It almost feels like karma, of the best kind. After the bye? The Schraiders, the Lions. Two of the leagues WORST teams. And then, the season hangs in the balance with tough, TOUGH games against the Duckies in their place, where they’re decent, AT the Packers, although they seem to be fading, Bucs at home, At the GEEEEEEEE Men, and THAT could be a battle for home field advantage, Broncoids at home, and then AT the Saints, who’d LOVE to spoil our season if they could. It’s vital for the Panther’s success to make hay NOW while the schedule affords it. Going 6-2 before the bye would be awesome. Going 7-1 would be better. Starting the second half with a pair of wins puts us in a nice position to take control of the division, which all of a sudden, looks a bit tougher than it did at the start of the season. Because friends- I guarantee you, we are NOT going 8-0 in the second half of the season. Someone is beating us, and maybe more than once.
I just got a bit of a rush-
WHAT IF I'm wrong, and we go 15 and-
I’m stopping now. I can’t go there yet.
I’ll be back with the weekly handicap Friday. Some of you I’ll see Sunday.
Gotta Comment?
E-mail me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
02 October, 2008
THE WEEKLY HANDICAP AND OTHER CLARIVOYANCES- WEEK 5
October 3rd, 2008
Now I’m hurtin’, yall. 6-7 last week. Ouch, ouch, ouch. I am NOT sucking that bad this week!!! Now I’m really gonna stress that clairvoyance gland! I know you suffered bad in the wallet taking my picks last week, but trust me this one more time to let me get my good graces back… here we go…
INDIANAPOLIS @ HOUSTON
The Texans were OHHHHHHH so close last week, and finally, they’re at home after the Ike disaster. That’s GOTTA count for something, but the Colts are starting to get some valuable pieces back together, particularly, center Jeff Saturday and Dallas Clark. The Colts have seemed discombobulated for the most part of the season, but I’m inclined to think that they, like the team they are going to play, are really close to getting it going. The line is the visitor by 3- I’m leaning to the Colts in this one.
TENNESSEE @ BALL-TEA-MOORE
A titanic clash of the NFL’s mightiest defenses. This could wind up being a 6-9 game. Joey Flacco looked really poised for the most part against the Squealers, and might be prepared mentally to stand tall against another smothering “D”. But I think the Titans have the better offense. I don’t think QB Collins makes the mistakes that characterized his younger days. Another 3 pointer for the visitor, and again, I’m leaning to the Titans in this one.
SAN DIEGO @ MIAMI
Both of these teams got a HUGE boost in their last games. I think Miami’s was bigger, but the Chargers are just better. Miami’s day will come, Tuna will see to that. Just not today. Take the Chargers and the 6 ½.
KC CHEFS @ YOUR CAROLINA PANTHERS
I spoke of this game in a rant or two ago- The Panthers have been really good at stopping marquis running backs, and I don’t see any reason why we wouldn’t do the same to The Chef’s LJ. The true strength of our defense, the linebackers and secondary, will keep any damage via the passing game to a minimum, and the ‘Cats should be able to puncture the young and inexperienced Chefs “D”. Yeah, I know that Foxy’ll play this one close as always, but they should be pulling away by the fourth quarter. The Panthers are giving 9 ½. I’m confident that they cover. Take the ‘Cats.
WARSHINGTON @ PHILTHYDELPHIA
HUGE Game of the Week in the NFL. Many of us are surprised that the DeadSkins aren’t the train wreck we thought they were after the GEEEEEEE Men slapped ‘em silly in Week 1. The Boids are battered, but they get Brian Westbrook back, and don’t think THAT doesn’t mean something. I think the Fleegulls will win, but as a 5 ½ point dog, I think the FredSkins cover, seeing that the road doesn’t intimidate them. If you’re not watching our beloved Panthers, this would be the game to watch this Sunday.
DaBEARS @ DEE-TROY-IT
DaBears showed a lot of fortitude stopping the Fleeguls last week- The Ly-uns showed they were sick of Matt Millen. It’s a start. Will that fire up the team? Do they respond as professionals? I would think that those guys would like to win- short week for DaBears, spent emotionally and physically from that tough match- It wouldn’t surprise me to see Detroit win- but I don’t think it’s happening. The defense is playing well, and I’ve never seen Orton-‘eers-a-‘OO play better. The Bears are favored by 3 ½, and I’m leanin’ that way.
DUCKIES @ GREEN BAY
At this time the line is off the board. The Duckies have played great at home, on the artificial turf, and crappy on the road, where they played on natural grass, open air stadiums. Expect the trend to continue up in Wish-conshun. Never, EVER- underestimate the POWER OF TUNDRA. I like the Packers.
SEATTLE @ GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEMEN
So, the Seadogz are getting some of their wideouts back. Super. And Mike Holmgren says that Keary Colbert is as good as Jerry Rice – Insert your laugh track here- The G’ints have been off for a week, and even without Plaxico, I think they are more than a match for them. They’ll hold off those Jerry Rice-like receivers all right. Take the GEEEEEEEEEEEmen and the 7 points.
TAMPA BAY @ DENVER
Ok, this game could go either way. Yeah, yeah, the Bucs are playin’ some good ball, and playin’ some good “D”. They’ve probably studied the game tape from Kansas City, but somethin’s tellin’ me that Mile-High air will be tough for them Tampainaians to play through. Although there’s no Hockker Hoculi to help them Broncoids, they’re awful tough at home. They’ll be scored on by the Bucs, but I feel pretty good about the Denver offense at home. I like the Broncoids by 3.
NEWENGLANDLAND @ SAD FRANCISCO
Hard to believe that Dr. Evilchek at 2-1 has his back against the wall, but he does. The Beefalo Beels are gonna be tough to catch, and with Jacksonville and Ball-tea-moore playing like they are, the wild card may already be out of reach. The Patsies are going to have to put together a winning streak to get the stink of the whitewashing they took from the Dull-phins off of them. They won’t do it with offense this week- it will have to be the defense. The Niners will be game, but I’m leaning to the visitor in this one. Take the Patsies and the 3 points.
BEEFALO @ ARID-ZONA
Vegas must think the Bills are a mirage. The MIGHTY Cardy-noles are actually favored by ONE! They must think those perpetually frostbitten Beefalonians will wilt in the desert. I don’t think so. Take the Beels to win!
CINCINATTAH @ THAT PLACE WITH THE DAMN HOLE IN THE ROOF
Well, I said that the Cowpuppies were due for a stinker- I didn’t know that it would be LAST week! If the Pups struggle against THIS team, WITHOUT Carson Palmer, there is definitely more to this TO thing than’s let on. Ain’t happenin’. No way, No how. Those 17 points the Cowpatties are favored by are a mercy killin’. Lead pipe lock. Blowout. Bungles are done on this day.
PISSBURGH @ JACKSONVILLE
No Willie Parker, no Mendenhall, key O lineman out, no pass protection for Big Ben- Big wreck for the Squealers. Oh, there’ll be hitting and hitting and hitting and hitting and hitting and when that hitting and hitting and hitting and hitting is done- those 4 points that the Jag-you-whyers are favoured by might as well be multiplied by 4. I think the Jags are gonna wear the Squealers out.
MINNI-SODA @ NAWLIN’S
Two dome teams with a contentious history. Saints “O” is playin’ great, Vike’s “D” is playin’ great. Somethin’s gotta give. Somethin’ tells me AP is gonna be hard for these guys to stop. I like the road dog in this one. Take the Vikings and the 3 points.
I’m feelin’ good about this week, boyz and girlz- cause it sure can’t get worse-
Last week- ECCCCHHHH! 6-7
Season BLECCCHHH 15-13
See yers in the lot!
Now I’m hurtin’, yall. 6-7 last week. Ouch, ouch, ouch. I am NOT sucking that bad this week!!! Now I’m really gonna stress that clairvoyance gland! I know you suffered bad in the wallet taking my picks last week, but trust me this one more time to let me get my good graces back… here we go…
INDIANAPOLIS @ HOUSTON
The Texans were OHHHHHHH so close last week, and finally, they’re at home after the Ike disaster. That’s GOTTA count for something, but the Colts are starting to get some valuable pieces back together, particularly, center Jeff Saturday and Dallas Clark. The Colts have seemed discombobulated for the most part of the season, but I’m inclined to think that they, like the team they are going to play, are really close to getting it going. The line is the visitor by 3- I’m leaning to the Colts in this one.
TENNESSEE @ BALL-TEA-MOORE
A titanic clash of the NFL’s mightiest defenses. This could wind up being a 6-9 game. Joey Flacco looked really poised for the most part against the Squealers, and might be prepared mentally to stand tall against another smothering “D”. But I think the Titans have the better offense. I don’t think QB Collins makes the mistakes that characterized his younger days. Another 3 pointer for the visitor, and again, I’m leaning to the Titans in this one.
SAN DIEGO @ MIAMI
Both of these teams got a HUGE boost in their last games. I think Miami’s was bigger, but the Chargers are just better. Miami’s day will come, Tuna will see to that. Just not today. Take the Chargers and the 6 ½.
KC CHEFS @ YOUR CAROLINA PANTHERS
I spoke of this game in a rant or two ago- The Panthers have been really good at stopping marquis running backs, and I don’t see any reason why we wouldn’t do the same to The Chef’s LJ. The true strength of our defense, the linebackers and secondary, will keep any damage via the passing game to a minimum, and the ‘Cats should be able to puncture the young and inexperienced Chefs “D”. Yeah, I know that Foxy’ll play this one close as always, but they should be pulling away by the fourth quarter. The Panthers are giving 9 ½. I’m confident that they cover. Take the ‘Cats.
WARSHINGTON @ PHILTHYDELPHIA
HUGE Game of the Week in the NFL. Many of us are surprised that the DeadSkins aren’t the train wreck we thought they were after the GEEEEEEE Men slapped ‘em silly in Week 1. The Boids are battered, but they get Brian Westbrook back, and don’t think THAT doesn’t mean something. I think the Fleegulls will win, but as a 5 ½ point dog, I think the FredSkins cover, seeing that the road doesn’t intimidate them. If you’re not watching our beloved Panthers, this would be the game to watch this Sunday.
DaBEARS @ DEE-TROY-IT
DaBears showed a lot of fortitude stopping the Fleeguls last week- The Ly-uns showed they were sick of Matt Millen. It’s a start. Will that fire up the team? Do they respond as professionals? I would think that those guys would like to win- short week for DaBears, spent emotionally and physically from that tough match- It wouldn’t surprise me to see Detroit win- but I don’t think it’s happening. The defense is playing well, and I’ve never seen Orton-‘eers-a-‘OO play better. The Bears are favored by 3 ½, and I’m leanin’ that way.
DUCKIES @ GREEN BAY
At this time the line is off the board. The Duckies have played great at home, on the artificial turf, and crappy on the road, where they played on natural grass, open air stadiums. Expect the trend to continue up in Wish-conshun. Never, EVER- underestimate the POWER OF TUNDRA. I like the Packers.
SEATTLE @ GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEMEN
So, the Seadogz are getting some of their wideouts back. Super. And Mike Holmgren says that Keary Colbert is as good as Jerry Rice – Insert your laugh track here- The G’ints have been off for a week, and even without Plaxico, I think they are more than a match for them. They’ll hold off those Jerry Rice-like receivers all right. Take the GEEEEEEEEEEEmen and the 7 points.
TAMPA BAY @ DENVER
Ok, this game could go either way. Yeah, yeah, the Bucs are playin’ some good ball, and playin’ some good “D”. They’ve probably studied the game tape from Kansas City, but somethin’s tellin’ me that Mile-High air will be tough for them Tampainaians to play through. Although there’s no Hockker Hoculi to help them Broncoids, they’re awful tough at home. They’ll be scored on by the Bucs, but I feel pretty good about the Denver offense at home. I like the Broncoids by 3.
NEWENGLANDLAND @ SAD FRANCISCO
Hard to believe that Dr. Evilchek at 2-1 has his back against the wall, but he does. The Beefalo Beels are gonna be tough to catch, and with Jacksonville and Ball-tea-moore playing like they are, the wild card may already be out of reach. The Patsies are going to have to put together a winning streak to get the stink of the whitewashing they took from the Dull-phins off of them. They won’t do it with offense this week- it will have to be the defense. The Niners will be game, but I’m leaning to the visitor in this one. Take the Patsies and the 3 points.
BEEFALO @ ARID-ZONA
Vegas must think the Bills are a mirage. The MIGHTY Cardy-noles are actually favored by ONE! They must think those perpetually frostbitten Beefalonians will wilt in the desert. I don’t think so. Take the Beels to win!
CINCINATTAH @ THAT PLACE WITH THE DAMN HOLE IN THE ROOF
Well, I said that the Cowpuppies were due for a stinker- I didn’t know that it would be LAST week! If the Pups struggle against THIS team, WITHOUT Carson Palmer, there is definitely more to this TO thing than’s let on. Ain’t happenin’. No way, No how. Those 17 points the Cowpatties are favored by are a mercy killin’. Lead pipe lock. Blowout. Bungles are done on this day.
PISSBURGH @ JACKSONVILLE
No Willie Parker, no Mendenhall, key O lineman out, no pass protection for Big Ben- Big wreck for the Squealers. Oh, there’ll be hitting and hitting and hitting and hitting and hitting and when that hitting and hitting and hitting and hitting is done- those 4 points that the Jag-you-whyers are favoured by might as well be multiplied by 4. I think the Jags are gonna wear the Squealers out.
MINNI-SODA @ NAWLIN’S
Two dome teams with a contentious history. Saints “O” is playin’ great, Vike’s “D” is playin’ great. Somethin’s gotta give. Somethin’ tells me AP is gonna be hard for these guys to stop. I like the road dog in this one. Take the Vikings and the 3 points.
I’m feelin’ good about this week, boyz and girlz- cause it sure can’t get worse-
Last week- ECCCCHHHH! 6-7
Season BLECCCHHH 15-13
See yers in the lot!
01 October, 2008
THE CEDAR STREET SEER'S QUARTERLY REPORT- 1st QUARTER-
October 1st, 2008
Well, Fanz, the NFL’s made it through the first quarter of the season. While some say it’s too early to note some trends, it might be cool to go ahead and forecast the rest of the season based on what we’ve seen so far. So, armed with my bruised but still functional clairvoyance gland, I’ll go through the entire league and give you my outlook-
THE UNDEFEATEDS-
Beefalo Beels, Tennessee Titans, NooYawk GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE Men
THE OUTLOOK:
There’s no way, no how, any of these teams go through the season unbeaten. Ain’t happenin. But I feel really, really, good about all three of these teams winning their division. The way they are playing right now, I just don’t see anyone challenging The Titans or Bills. The G’ints will have a harder time in their very tough division.
THE 3-1 TEAMS
Tampa Bay Bucs, Carolina Panthers, Warshingtoon DeadSkins, Dallas Cowpuppies, Denver Broncoids, Pissburgh Squealers
THE OUTLOOK:
The teams that should be in good shape are the Panthers, the Cowbabies, and believe it or not, the DEADSKINS, yes, THE DEADSKINS! The Cowpups, however, need to really improve that defense if they’re thinking Tampa. Speaking of Tampa, the Bucs DO have a puncher’s chance in the division, but the situation at QB and RB are not as favorable as their rival in Carolina. The Broncoids are a mirage, and since KC showed the league how to beat them, expect it to be duplicated at least eight more times. The Squealers are dead. With their O Line punctured and BOTH backs out- they may not even win the division, much less make the wild card.
THE 2-2 TEAMS
NooYawk BRETTS, Jacksonville Jaggie-whyers, SanDiego Chargers, Philthydelphia Iggles, DaBears, Green Bay Packers, The DUCKIES, Nawlin’s Saints, Arid-zona Cardi-noles SadFrancisco Phoney-Niners
THE OUTLOOK:
You could make a case for a playoff (PLAYOFFS!!?? DON’T TALK ABOUT PLAYOFFS!!??) spot for most of these teams, but I would feel best about the Chargers, Bears and Jag-you-whyers. Kyle Orton has REALLY surprised me with his maturity in the past few games, and it’s possible DaBears could actually challenge in their weak division. Jack DelRio has also impressed me with the way he’s gotten the Jags to play despite debilitating injuries. The Chargers just got off to a bad start, and also, there’s NOONE in that division to challenge them. The best the BRETTS and Saints could hope for is a wild card spot. Green Bay is getting hurt in the wrong places, especially with Aaron Rogers. Uh-oh. The Cardy-noles and Phoney-Niners could actually win their division. But that’s what it will take for them to make it. The West is just so, so, weak. Duckies-
You’ve got some nice pieces to start, but get through this year. If you win six games you should consider the season a success. The Boids are already in a hole, but the season’s young, and the four powerful teams in the NFC BEAST are just now starting to play each other. It’s possible that the G’ints or Cowpuppies wind up in last place, so I wouldn’t bury Th’ Boids yet.
THE 1-3 TEAMS
Minnie-Soda Vikings, Kansas City Chefs, crOAKLAND Schraiders, ClevelandLand Brownies
THE OUTLOOK:
Of these teams, only the Vikings could hope for the playoffs. The Chefs are too young, the Schraiders too bad, the same could be said for the Brownies. The division will just be too tough for them. The Chefs, Browns and Schraiders couldn’t even hope to play spoiler.
THE WINLESS TEAMS
Cincinattah Bungles, Houston Texans, Dee-troy-it Lyuns, St. Looey Lambs
THE OUTLOOK:
One of my good friends, the eccentric sculptor Charlie McGrady often quips for many situations- “Abandon all hope”. Save for the Texans, that goes for these guys. I still feel good about the Texans winning some games, but the other three are really, really bad, and might lose to the Chefs, Browns, and Schraiders should they be on their schedule. (the Bungles already have)
THE INCOMPLETES(teams that have had a bye)
Seattle Seadogs, Indianapolis Colts, Miami Dull-fins, NewEnglandLand Pastry-Rots, Ball-tea-more Ravens
THE OUTLOOK:
The only team I feel really good about in this group are the Ravens. The game I saw them play against Pissburgh made a believer out of me. Joey Flacco has got to be the most poised rookie I’ve seen in many years at this position, even moreso that Peyton Manning. The Dull-phins had a great game against the Patsies, but they need another draft, and we’ll give ‘em some love next year. As for the Patsies- Their aging defense will have to carry them for the rest of this year, and I don’t see it happenin’ for them. The Colts are still trying to find their footing , and I just don’t see them able to challenge the Titans or Jags, and they’ve already lost to DelRio’s boys- IN THEIR HOUSE. Get well, Manning and co., and we’ll see ya next year. Seattle, whoo, you guys are in a fight. There’s NOONE in your division that’s clearly better than the other. I could see the SeaDogs not making it this year. BUT- any of these teams are in a great spot to play spoiler.
There ya go, Fanz- there’s my very first quarterly report on the league for the young season. Ain’t quite like my original prognostication, but besides Beefalo and Tennessee, I’m still right there…
Gotta Comment?
E-mail me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
Well, Fanz, the NFL’s made it through the first quarter of the season. While some say it’s too early to note some trends, it might be cool to go ahead and forecast the rest of the season based on what we’ve seen so far. So, armed with my bruised but still functional clairvoyance gland, I’ll go through the entire league and give you my outlook-
THE UNDEFEATEDS-
Beefalo Beels, Tennessee Titans, NooYawk GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE Men
THE OUTLOOK:
There’s no way, no how, any of these teams go through the season unbeaten. Ain’t happenin. But I feel really, really, good about all three of these teams winning their division. The way they are playing right now, I just don’t see anyone challenging The Titans or Bills. The G’ints will have a harder time in their very tough division.
THE 3-1 TEAMS
Tampa Bay Bucs, Carolina Panthers, Warshingtoon DeadSkins, Dallas Cowpuppies, Denver Broncoids, Pissburgh Squealers
THE OUTLOOK:
The teams that should be in good shape are the Panthers, the Cowbabies, and believe it or not, the DEADSKINS, yes, THE DEADSKINS! The Cowpups, however, need to really improve that defense if they’re thinking Tampa. Speaking of Tampa, the Bucs DO have a puncher’s chance in the division, but the situation at QB and RB are not as favorable as their rival in Carolina. The Broncoids are a mirage, and since KC showed the league how to beat them, expect it to be duplicated at least eight more times. The Squealers are dead. With their O Line punctured and BOTH backs out- they may not even win the division, much less make the wild card.
THE 2-2 TEAMS
NooYawk BRETTS, Jacksonville Jaggie-whyers, SanDiego Chargers, Philthydelphia Iggles, DaBears, Green Bay Packers, The DUCKIES, Nawlin’s Saints, Arid-zona Cardi-noles SadFrancisco Phoney-Niners
THE OUTLOOK:
You could make a case for a playoff (PLAYOFFS!!?? DON’T TALK ABOUT PLAYOFFS!!??) spot for most of these teams, but I would feel best about the Chargers, Bears and Jag-you-whyers. Kyle Orton has REALLY surprised me with his maturity in the past few games, and it’s possible DaBears could actually challenge in their weak division. Jack DelRio has also impressed me with the way he’s gotten the Jags to play despite debilitating injuries. The Chargers just got off to a bad start, and also, there’s NOONE in that division to challenge them. The best the BRETTS and Saints could hope for is a wild card spot. Green Bay is getting hurt in the wrong places, especially with Aaron Rogers. Uh-oh. The Cardy-noles and Phoney-Niners could actually win their division. But that’s what it will take for them to make it. The West is just so, so, weak. Duckies-
You’ve got some nice pieces to start, but get through this year. If you win six games you should consider the season a success. The Boids are already in a hole, but the season’s young, and the four powerful teams in the NFC BEAST are just now starting to play each other. It’s possible that the G’ints or Cowpuppies wind up in last place, so I wouldn’t bury Th’ Boids yet.
THE 1-3 TEAMS
Minnie-Soda Vikings, Kansas City Chefs, crOAKLAND Schraiders, ClevelandLand Brownies
THE OUTLOOK:
Of these teams, only the Vikings could hope for the playoffs. The Chefs are too young, the Schraiders too bad, the same could be said for the Brownies. The division will just be too tough for them. The Chefs, Browns and Schraiders couldn’t even hope to play spoiler.
THE WINLESS TEAMS
Cincinattah Bungles, Houston Texans, Dee-troy-it Lyuns, St. Looey Lambs
THE OUTLOOK:
One of my good friends, the eccentric sculptor Charlie McGrady often quips for many situations- “Abandon all hope”. Save for the Texans, that goes for these guys. I still feel good about the Texans winning some games, but the other three are really, really bad, and might lose to the Chefs, Browns, and Schraiders should they be on their schedule. (the Bungles already have)
THE INCOMPLETES(teams that have had a bye)
Seattle Seadogs, Indianapolis Colts, Miami Dull-fins, NewEnglandLand Pastry-Rots, Ball-tea-more Ravens
THE OUTLOOK:
The only team I feel really good about in this group are the Ravens. The game I saw them play against Pissburgh made a believer out of me. Joey Flacco has got to be the most poised rookie I’ve seen in many years at this position, even moreso that Peyton Manning. The Dull-phins had a great game against the Patsies, but they need another draft, and we’ll give ‘em some love next year. As for the Patsies- Their aging defense will have to carry them for the rest of this year, and I don’t see it happenin’ for them. The Colts are still trying to find their footing , and I just don’t see them able to challenge the Titans or Jags, and they’ve already lost to DelRio’s boys- IN THEIR HOUSE. Get well, Manning and co., and we’ll see ya next year. Seattle, whoo, you guys are in a fight. There’s NOONE in your division that’s clearly better than the other. I could see the SeaDogs not making it this year. BUT- any of these teams are in a great spot to play spoiler.
There ya go, Fanz- there’s my very first quarterly report on the league for the young season. Ain’t quite like my original prognostication, but besides Beefalo and Tennessee, I’m still right there…
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