THE WEEKLY HANDICAP AND OTHER CLARIVOYANCES - WEEK 14

And in record setting lateness, I make my Saturday nightcap with the Sunday picks, in which I give thanks that CryBaby Tebow gave way to his SEC tormentor Mark Ingram for the overrated Heisman Trophy. And this Sunday is really Separation Sunday for many clubs. My third goblet of wine is taking effect, and let's see if a buzz helps my anemic handicapping THIS week, truncated of course, by the Thursday game, which I would have given to Pissburgh as would have anyone not afflicted by any random mental condition with a Lake Erie address.

DENVER @ INDIANAPOLIS

The Colts have clinched the AFC South. They are a game away from clinching Home Dome for the playoffs. Denver's in pretty good shape wild card wise, but a win here would be bonus, and confidence building. Just like Gretzky in that Nike Commercial years ago-

Uh, no.

Colts by -7.

CINCINATTI @ MINI-SODA

The Cardy-noles exposed the Favres in the desert last Sunday. Tomorrow the Bungles further expose them in the Metrodome. I fully expect the now - defensively depleted Favres to get The Bungles' best shots. And they'll get it and they'll cover, if not win outright. Bungles and the +6 1/2.

NY JETS @ TAMPA BAY

The Suckaneers played well against a listless Panther team last week, but couldn't overcome the turnovers. The Jets will be without overrated rookie Sanchez. I like Tampa in this one in a game that will effectively eliminate the Jets from any foolish playoff talk. Suckaneers and +3.

BUFFALO @ KANSAS CITY

The Bills will feel right at home in a frosty Arrowhead Stadium. I still think the Chefs put on ONE MORE good home game for the fans other than that surprise over the Squeelers. This is one of them. A pick 'em, and I'm pickin' the Chefs.

GREEN BAY @ CHICAGO

Da Bears couldn't muster double digits over a pathetic Lambs team - The Packers are starting to peak at the right time, and they'll put away their ursine division mates handily. Wouldn't surprise me to go past -10, but for now, the -3 is plenty safe for the Packers.

NEW ORLEANS @ ATLANTA

Anyone taking the Deadskins last week made mucho. And I suspect it weren't many. No such shenanagins this week. The Duckies are depleted, and done. Saints by double digits.

DETROIT @ BALTY-MOORE

For the Ravens to return to the playoffs, this is "go time". It's a huge line, but given the importance of this game for the Quothers, I'd be inclined to take the -13 1/2.

MIAMI @ JACKSONVILLE

Of for the misfortune of the Jacksonville viewing area not to be treated to a renaissance of Jaggy-whyer football. I'm sure this is another non-sellout which forces the area to be stuck with watching the Duckies get rolled like so much asphalt. This is sure to be a body-bag game with plentiful hitting. But something about the Michigan Man at QB in a big game has got me convinced - Dolphins and the +2 1/2.

CAROLINA @ NEW ENGLANDLAND

Something stinks in Pastry-Rotsville. Something that won't be made up on the field against a supposedly "lesser opponent". The Panthers have what they have, which is "Moore of the same". Unspectacular QB play, punishing running game, and a developing defense, which believe it or not, is improving with each game. I think they keep it close. Cats to cover that insulting spread of +13 1/2.

SEATTLE @ HOUSTON

Two teams at 5-7, one seriously believing it was ready to step into the elite group, facing dissappointing conclusions to the season. No rally by Kubiak's kids, I believe will save his job, but tomorrow's shootout should be fun for all in attendance. I just don't think Houston covers. SeaDogs and the +6 1/2.

SAD LOUIS @ TENNESSEE

Let's see, the only starter to win for the Titans this year is out, and the VERY OLD Kerry Collins starts. No chance for the playoffs, and the Lambs really needing to get out of the season. Lambs covered last week against a mediocre opponent, I see them doing the same. BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA and the +13.

WARSHINGTOON @ CrOKLANDLAND

On the surface, this looks like a contest between two Japaneese dudes in bad monster suits on 8mm film - But what this is, is a chance for the AfRaiders to further establish some legitimacy to their downtrodden franchise after the SHOCKER in Heinz Field last week. And for Bruce Gradowski to embellish his resume. The Deadskins are actually competetive, but like the rest of the bottom feeders of league, are pretty much playing out the string, and I'm wasting too much verbiage on a game of such low importance. CrOaklandland byt +1.

SAN DIEGO @ DALLAS

Ahhh, the first of two MEGA HUGE MARQUIS late games for the weekend! The Chargers bring their resurgent offense into Jerry's playhouse for a game that will go a long way in solidifying playoff positioning for the winner. And until they prove me different, I believe December is the Cowbabies' mortal enemy. Bolts and the +3.

PHILTHYDELPHIA @ NY GEEEMEN

The nightcap for the day truly worth waiting for! Should the Giants win, and the Cowpuppies lose, there will be a three way-tie for the division! Both teams are pretty beat up, but I think McSnabb's in better shape than Brotha Manning. Gimme the Iggles and the +1, and the GeeMen have to look to next year.

ARID-ZONA @ SAN FRANCISCO

This is pretty much the last stand for Samauri's boys if they are going to make a statement about the direction of their team. The Cardy-noles had THEIR statement game against the Favres last week. As much as I'd like to take the Niners, I think the whole Monday night deal won't be enough for the home Bay Area Boosters. Cardy-noles by -3 1/2.