PAY THE MAN ! ! !

The seemingly long drive home after yesterday’s victory on the Duckie Pond, at first, found me jubilant, and then, quickly mired in a sea of emotion, none of it good. We listened to ESPN Radio’s Football Sunday broadcast, and all seven CRITICAL afternoon games were covered on the air “Red Zone” style – Packers triumphant over Bears. Niners surviving a late charge from the Cardy-Noles. Saints PUMMELLING the Sucky-neers, as expected. Seahawks dispatching the Lambs, thereby snuffing the hoped-for #1 seed. And – the Chef’s BACKUPS taking a DESPARATE Chargers team to overtime – mostly NFC teams that discovered their UnderDog Super-Energy Pills, that would watch film on our Keystone-Cops like offensive performance and begin licking their chops.

I struggled with what I’d write about, and the title – Yes, we “FINISHED” as I implored our Cats to do, but I was APPALLED at how FLAT our offense was! At a time where it was never more important to make a play, our supposed #2 receiver that NEEDED to step up – blanked. Couldn’t catch a F**KING cold! And, despite Dominik Hixon’s heroics of last week, we can see why he’s nothing more than a bit role player.

And I, just like everyone else who paid rapt attention to this game, realized just what STEVE SMMMMMMMMMMMMIFFF means to this team. Time has robbed him of some of his speed, but not his fire, not his passion, not his drive, and has done nothing but ENHANCE his leadership position on this team, a place that no one short of Jordan Gross can approach. One of these years, Luke will take that role, but right now, #89 drives this team. I thought of titling this rant “OFFENSIVE OFFENSE”, for the meager yardage (for US) gained on a TRULY SHITTY DUCKIES DEFENSE, was, well –

Offensive.  AND – in a game with such high stakes.

And then – I could not forget what ELSE we saw –

N  I  N  E 

S  A  C  K  S.

http://www.panthers.com/media-vault/videos/Panthers_set_team_record_with_nine_sacks/49546d9d-6762-4b87-89d4-9610268077d3

When, in this age of Super Bowls and the vertical passing game, has a team collected NINE SACKS???

I’m tempted to peruse the records of the ’85 Bears and see if they matched that feat –

And four of those sacks were collected by the ONE player on defense whose star has now begun to share the exclusive domain of Luke Keuchley and Thomas Davis – which led me to another thought, which was to subtitle the derisive editorial of our “O” with “DEFINING DEFENSE”. And for sure, when the story of the 2013 Panthers will be told, it will be the defense that will headline it. Cam Newton, that gorgeous hunk of quarterback that scintillates at least three times a game, might be the easiest on the eyes, and sexier to write about, but it’s this defense that’s carried this team this season.  Those of you who read this rant know I’ve been YEARNING for a madman on defense like Kevin Greene, a madman who can change the course of a game with a single play. I once thought earlier this season that Luke Keuchley could be that man – but he doesn’t have the character. The White Mike Singletary, yes, but NOT Kevin Greene.  And then I realized –

Greg Hardy is that madman.

MORE than MAD –

HE’S F**CKING BRILLIANT!!!

Who, in the history of the modern NFL broadcast, introduces himself as a mythical sea beast, and lists his education as JK Rowling’s iconic cotillion of higher super-natural education?

The Kraken, Class of Slytherin, Hogwarts, that’s who.

And he’s a free agent next season.

PAY.

THE.

MAN.

Dave Gettleman, DO NOT let this franchise cornerstone walk like Hurney let Peppers walk! What a heart-breaking prospect for the upcoming offseason, to have the closest thing to Kevin Greene leave for another team!!! You owe it to the continued success of this team to secure The Kraken’s services for the next few years – The producers of breakfast foods are DEPENDING on you!

 

For the future of Panther NATION –

PAY   THE   MAN  !  !  !

More on the game and the victory in the next few hours…

Gotta Comment?

Email me, The Cedar Street Seer

CaptnTee@aol.com

FINISH!!!

A sea of unusually boisterous golf fans line the tee box all the way to the green of a long par-5 on a top championship course.  The familiar figure, with his ubiquitous red shirt and black slacks uncorks his long, chiseled body, and hits a MASSIVE drive, splitting the fairway 400 YARDS!!! (Dano says – what a piker – I can hit it THAT long after a five-day DRUNK!!!) The crowd erupts in a massive cheer – He’s on his way to holing out yet another tournament title – His playing partner is a good 75 yards back. Woods hits his second shot to the green well within makeable putting distance – His opponent has to hit a masterful fairway wood to have a chance – and does.

And Tiger

promptly….

Three putts.

His opponent, a portly, aged, once-was, with his belly flopping over his belt onto his knickers holes a magnificent putt and takes the trophy. Game over, Tiger Woods.

You didn’t finish.

Panthers –

Don’t be THAT Tiger Woods.

Mike Tyson is in the prize fight of his life – a one-time amateur fighting him is barely hanging on, round by round – absorbing punishing blow after punishing blow by the most fearsome puncher in the sport, loses every round – By the 15^th round, Tyson is toying with him thinking it’s in the bag. The unknown pugilist from Escodera la Mar Republica de Bananas lands a perfect punch to his chin – and Iron Mike lays cold on the mat.

KO – Ernesto “Le Mancha Pescadores Grande” Rodriguez wins his only prize fight and becomes a body guard for a prominent Mexican drug cartel.

Tyson didn’t finish.

Panthers –

DON’T BE  THAT MIKE TYSON.

Kevin Harvick, the new Stewart-Haas Sprint Cup driver takes his new #39 Chevrolet to Victory Lane in Daytona – As an official supplier of product to SHR, SMI Properties is given a rush order of 1200 premium polo shirts with Harvick’s number and sponsors embroidered on it. The Embroidery department manager gets the product and pushes it through – the shirts are all stitched in time but there’s a problem – Joe Nejberger, the department manager didn’t schedule enough garment trimmers to get the shirts finished and bagged and barcoded –

The order doesn’t get to the SHR distribution center in time and they are very unhappy.

Joe didn’t finish the order.

PANTHERS –

DON’T BE JOE NEJBERGER’S EMBROIDERY DEPARTMENT.

Happy Holidays, Fanz –

It’s nice to have a ten-day break so that I can pay a little more attention to the blog, so I’ve got this particular vision in mind as we near the final game of the regular season – and this vision only.

FINISH.

I watched with particular concern last evening as the Duckies gashed the vaunted Phoney-Niners  defense again and again, coming within a scant 3 points with a mere 90 seconds or so to play – A HUGE defensive play keeps the Niners from disaster in their final home game at Candlestick Park. And my mind fast forwarded to this Sunday.

This could be us.

And – on the other end of it. That can’t happen.  Not after the magnificent season we’ve put together.

I’m going to admit I had, and still have a certain amount of trepidation going into this Sunday’s game –

Despite all of the stats and trends pointing to a Panther Victory – I’m reminded of a few things –

This game is being played at the Duck Pond, a place we’ve historically been awful at. This will be Tony Gonzales’ final game. They are BOUND to be absolutely GEEKED to perform well for him. Matt Ryan, despite the wretched year he and his Duckies have had, has not quit on this team, as evidenced last night. They certainly detest us as much as we do them, and nothing would make a terrible season a bit more palpable than to F**CK up our playoff seeding. There’s more than a reasonable sense that this smells of upset –

BUT –

I’m comforted in the fact that the Panthers got to see something in their locker room after our slugfest in the Carolina Monsoon last Sunday – Seattle, getting their ASS HANDED to them by the CARDY-NOLES in a place they were supposedly INVINCIBLE at! I’m also sure they paid attention to the Ravens looking TERRIBLE at home in a game they HAD to win. And I KNOW they’ve scouted the Duckies last night. The one thing I take the greatest comfort of all in is hearing Riverboat tell his team, more than three times in his locker room speech –

“We’re NOT DONE YET! WE GOTTA TAKE CARE OF BUSINESS!”

I’ve got this feeling that he feels this more acutely than anyone on this team, and the team tends to follow him. While Cam may have earned the trust of his teammates now, I feel that Rivera has also earned that trust – Part of the reason that the Panthers have had a successful season is Riverboat’s propensity to go for it on Fourth Down – AND MAKING IT – I don’t have to remind you that he elected to punt last week – WITH TWO MINUTES TO GO – and at first, the fans and team were aghast – but as evidenced by the final results, our trust in Rivera was rewarded. I think the team knows what we have to do.

Finish in one putt.

Knock that banana-picker on his ass.

Get Kevin Harvick’s Daytona shirts to SHR in time.

Finish it.

Give the Duckies no hope, no chance, no question about who is the better team, and make that statement IMMEDIATELY from kickoff whether it be offense, defense, special teams. Play hard, clean, and within yourselves. Just like we have all year.  You will have an added bonus too, Panthers – it’s almost a certainty that the Georgia Dome will be half-filled with Panther Fans, as the fair-weather Duckie fans will long be looking for something better to do. We will be there, and cheer loud.

We will help you finish it.

And the reward – two weeks to heal, extend the season, and a very, very, real chance –

To finish. Something far, far, bigger…

I wish you all, dear readers, the Merriest of Christmases. We’re in the playoffs –

Merry indeed.

And some of you – I’ll see on the battlefield this Sunday –

LET’S GET ‘EM!!!

Gotta Comment?

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A "VIEW FROM THE LOT" - SEVEN YEARS LATER

I’m a little late coming to the keyboard to pound out my thoughts and passions as they command my most of my waking thoughts as a testosterone-poisoned sports lunatic, but the date of December 15^th, our home game against the Jets, did not pass without me thinking about someone that a good many of you were very close to, or dug hangin’ with in the early days of PantherFanz tailgating. Still, quite a few of you may have never met him – but the day of Marc “JoKer” Stanton’s departure from the mortal coils of this corporeal existence into the realms of eternity brings to me a flood of thoughts, most of them warm and positive.  I feel his presence most profoundly on the few times I’m privileged enough to operate his vintage WWII hand-operated air-raid siren to fire up the tailgaters in the lot,  but there are other times that Marc comes to my mind as a dedicated, zealous PantherFan.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MTE3PtL9vqE

Do yourself a favor if you've never met the man. Go to the "JoKer Tribute Page" on the website.

I apologize to you all, dear readers, but the rest of this rant is a conversation between Marc and I.

Yo, JoKer!!!

Dude, I have no clue how you’re experiencing the afterlife, and how much you’re able to keep tabs on Julie, the kids, your Microsoft associates or James, myself with the rest of the tailgaters you’ve befriended in your long history of passion for the game, its accompanying festival and in particular, the Panthers, along with this website and community that was the genesis of a really good buzz between you and Dano. It’s the firmest belief I hold that you indeed have a never-ceasing view, not only of “The Lot” you took much pride in, but everything else on a galactic level, since now your essence spans a space none of us that still slog around this planet can yet comprehend. So, bro, I suppose you know that I’ve been particularly naughty this year, and deserve a bag of switches this Wednesday –

I could go on and on and on about how things have gone in this world since you left us, but that might bore you and definitely the readers of the blog YOU created, so I just wanna tell you, in case you’ve spent the past seven years digging something on a plane of existence we couldn’t  fathom, how, indeed things are going in the lot – I personally think you would be, to paraphrase my dad, who I’m counting on you hooking up with by the way, if you haven’t already – “EXCITED AS HELL” to be a physical part of PantherFanz tailgating –

You know, Marc, one of the last conversations I had with you was how some of us could take on more of the work in the party preparations, and I remember how glad you were in that SOMEONE was FINALLY going to make a serious contribution to the tailgate – Not only have Dano and James done a stellar job in keeping this thing going, but Marc, bro, there’s now about a dozen of us that do something important to keep the party goin’, game after game, season after season. And dude – you would LOVE the concoction Lauren and I came up with as our signature party drink – it’s called, of all things – Panther Potion, and it’s one part each of these liquors – Bartlett’s Orange Vodka – Captain Morgan’s SILVER Spiced Rum (why? Cause EVERYONE’s got a little Capn’ in ‘em!!!) Good Gordon’s Gin, and the cordial that gives it its blue colour, Dekuyper’s Blue Curaco. We cut it with an equal part of diet tonic water, and serve it in a gallon pitcher or a special dispenser James has on the bus, and the tailgaters get REALLY buzzed from that! Dano tells me that the game a bunch of Matt’s football teammate’s parents attended a tailgate party, much intimacy was achieved afterwards! It’s also a big tip generator at the party. And speaking of tip generators, Dano and Brain have gotten really awesome at cooking our main courses on the venerable “JoKer Smoker” so christened by us after we refurbished it. It’s still in great shape, bro; we’ve taken really good care of it! And of course, it goes without saying, even though we’ve never lost a tailgate, the party’s SOOOOO much better when we’re winning – and this year, Marc, this team is fantastic on levels we’ve never seen before – Dude, our defense is ’85 Bears good – no shit, and Ron Rivera is our coach! Our quarterback is a dude that wasn’t even in college yet when you left us – he’s a freak of athleticism on par with Julius Peppers, (who you may know isn’t on the team any more..)and can do things Jake Delhomme couldn’t even dream of doing. And DUDE –

WE ARE BACK IN THE PLAYOFFS after a five-year absence – with a chance to end the regular season in Atlanta, yeah, that town that you HATED with a fiery white hot passion, as the #2, maybe even the #1 seed, bro!!!

And Marc –

Bro –

Speaking of absence, I’m unsure if you get the internet where you are, I’m guessing you’ve got ways to circumvent the regular physical properties of needing a WiFi connection and a nice Windows machine to get it on, cause there’s no way, NO HOW, they’ve got Macs where you are… but I really feel your absence when I take to the keyboard to write for the website the rant you SO EXCELLED at. I could never call it “The View from the Lot” – that was yours, and yours alone, bro. I so miss the wit, passion, and INTELLECT and KNOWLEDGE you imparted to your sometimes weekly rants, and here in the past few years, I’ve felt so inadequate to keep that part of your legacy goin’ dude, but in that Sam Mills spirit – (Oh, give Sam my best for me-huh?) I will “KEEP POUNDING” because that honors you, bro.  I just really hope that you approve of it.

I get kinda maudlin this time of year, Marc, not JUST because you’re gone, but I do think A LOT of you in December, man. I just wanna let you know that the party you started is better than ever, the people who are part of it are more like family than ever, we’re extending into the national tailgating community more than ever, The Panthers you LOVED are better than ever, and Marc-

Julie and the kids are great.  Everyone’s takin’ great care of ‘em. You got nothin’ to worry about there, bro, but again, I think you know that.

You’re legacy’s in great shape, Marc.

And DUDE –

If that was not you hammerin’ the stadium with the Hammer of Molinjor yesterday when Cam threw that TD to Domenik Hickson, I wanna know WHO WAS!!!

Gotta comment Bro???

Email me, The Cedar Street Seer (the name YOU game me, bro!)

CapntTee@aol.com

And if you do, I would hope I recover from the certain flip-out….

PAGEANTRY

Happy Holiday times, Fanz!!!

It’s been five years since our Panthers have been relevant in December – and now firmly entrenched in the league’s TOP FIVE – NOT conference, mind you – LEAGUE – I, along with the rest of you, continue to spend week after week in incredulous amazement at the ascendancy of these Carolina Panthers.

As I made an incredibly FAST trip through a now speedy security process, which does the double duty of not only getting you to your seat WELL before kick-off, but there’s virtually NO buzzkill in the process, so you are guaranteed to have that “tailgate fresh” feeling when you’re ready to cheer – I was in quite the contemplative spirit as a horde of fans REFRESHINGLY devoid of devotees of the Sucky-neers excitedly made their way to their gameday positions in the seating bowl.

And as I indeed had the most MASSIVE of buzzes courtesy of your PantherFanz tailgating group, and the concoction Lauren and I created for you, I drank in the event that is Carolina Panthers Football (no pun intended-), Gameday, at the stadium. I watched the cheerleaders, the pre-game ceremonies, the players warming up, everything, with a focus I’ve not brought to bear here in many years –

I reveled in the pageantry.

And amazed at how much more precise the choreography of the TopCats is when you’re 8-3. How profound the invocation of the Holy Man is when you’re 8-3. How sincere and tone-perfect the National Anthem is sung when you are 8-3. Don’t think that I didn’t notice the NEW inflatable version of the Panther statue over the home team’s visitor’s tunnel. As the players’ introductions were met with a deafening roar from the crowd, I could feel myself being transported to a teeming ancient metropolis, the Eternal City of Rome itself, where, resplendent in his toga and freshly adorned laurels, Cesar Jerry lords over the day’s Circus. I could imagine Steve Smith, covered with scars his gladiatorial armour could not conceal, as the favorite of the immense crowd that came to watch their hero duel the enemies from a rival city, as the loudest roar from the stadium was given for him. And he deserved every decibel.

And yet, as the old warrior sees his gladiator days shortening, a new star of the crowd is coming to ascendancy – Many of us expected to see this from Cam Newton, some of us right away in his rookie season, most of us were expecting this last year. And as it goes in reality, this young, immature athlete, gifted beyond the mere percent of a percent that are good enough to play this game, NOW gets the nuances he MUST understand to be part of a winning team – part of a “BIG BOY FOOTBALL” team. Cam Newton is growing up. When the crowd began to become quiet, and the Sucky-Neers moved  the ball on our vaunted defense with unexpected ease, this super new gladiator turned on the hyperdrive generator, much like Jake Delhomme did way back in ’03 when he rushed the field in the third quarter of our opening game . The energy spread from the team to the crowd, who resumed the throaty ear-busting cheers of our Monday night victory over the Cheat-a-Cheks. And Cam reveled in it. The players reveled in it. I've never seen our other new gladiatorial star, Luke Kuechley, more animated and active in the defense. (Adding to the pageantry aspect, the stadium PA has taken to playing "Lukes Theme" from StarWars for every "BIG BOY TACKLE" Luke makes. Cheesy, but I LOVE IT-)  The crowd couldn’t get enough (until 5 minutes left in the fourth quarter- REALLY FANS? That’s a rant for another time) and the pageantry continued with a halftime hip-hop show, and more excellent dance choreography from those smokin’-hot TopCats. The beatdown was on, and we now own the longest winning streak in franchise history.

IN FRANCHISE HISTORY –

I’m going to want you to reflect on that –

These Panthers are making history – Every reception Steve Smith makes now puts him in the rarified company of those who have busts in Canton. Cam Newton is on a pace to take his place among the elite of the elite. This defense is approaching the yard-miser and point-denier status of – of –

The 2000 Baltimore Ravens – and dare I say it –

Rivera’s old team –

THEM.  If you know football, REALLY KNOW FOOTBALL, you don’t even need me to tell you who this group is, but to be compared to – to –

THEM.

It’s Historic.

Deserving of the pageantry heaped upon them and the contests they wage. Between now and the battle in The Bayou, hundreds of thousands of words will be written preceding this game against the Saints– I don’t plan on adding to them, except to say –

We’ll be in this game. Drew Brees, if you think the Seattle Defense was tough –

You get US  - TWICE – IN A FIFTEEN DAY TIMESPAN.

And these games decide the division, home playoff games, a season of success. And it felt like it was galaxies away two months ago, after the detritus had been swept away from the Arid-Zona defeat.

Win or lose, it’s just an honour to be there, to give our all for Cesar Jerry and the Panther Empire.

And the pageantry for us continues, quite likely into January –

BELIEVE IT, FANZ!

I do.

Gotta Comment?

Email me, The Cedar Street Seer

CaptnTee@aol.com

Caaaaam..... a Jedi now, you arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre..............

I am almost breathless as I write this -

What we needed to see as Panther Nation , we have seen -

We have seen the continuing maturation of this team into a bona fide contender - On a day where we didn't bring our best game, and there's no question we didn't - Even the best of the teams that play "BIG BOY FOOTBALL" don't bring their  "A" game week after week - we have for the THIRD WEEK IN A ROW -

Pulled VICTORY -

From the jaws of defeat  - in a manner that the recent edition of the Carolina Panthers could not have done in the past. I KNEW this game would not be as easy as it seemed on paper. That's why they "play the games" as it's said in the sporting lexicon...

There are three elements of this "BIG BOY FOOTBALL" team that won this game today -

Number one, and possibly the most important -

The nads of "Riverboat Ron", like the heart of the Grinch in that timeless holiday story, grew TEN TIMES on this day - With his Panthers on their own twenty yard line, and facing Fourth and Defeat, he GOES FOR IT -

to -

Number two, Cam Newton, instead of running for it, knowing that Miami will be expecting it, trusts the Force and Mike Shula to throw it to -

Number three, Steeeeeve SMIFFFFFFFFF who shows again and again, game after game, that HE is the emotional Obi-Wan Kenobi of this team, and WILLS it to VICTORY with a MAJOR, CLUTCH CATCH to extend the GAME WINNING DRIVE -

And Cam ends the suspense with a final lightsaber slash to Greg Olsen, finally defeating the final team these Panthers have NEVER BEATEN - leaving the mop-up work to the defense, who is seriously missing "Big Money" Charles Johnson - but not for long - he's expected back for the now HUGE game against the Sucky-Neers next Sunday.


I cannot begin to contain the excitement I have as a long - suffering Panthers fan at what this victory means -


It means -


Ron Rivera will NOT have a losing season this year.


It means-


This team is now closing the gap in the "close game" albatross that has hung around our neck for the past two years -


It means -


That Cam Newton and the rest of the offense now has the confidence it needs to KNOW WITHOUT QUESTION that it CAN play from behind, and WIN.


It means that the postseason is a virtual guarantee for us -


AND -

IT MEANS -


The pressure is even greater on the New Orleans Saints -

We're here, Drew Brees, Sean Payton, Who Dat Nation -

And we AINT SKEERT of YOU....





AND ----




WE'RE COMING TO KICK-

YOUR-


ASSSSSS!!!!!!


Gotta Comment?

Email me, The Cedar Street Seer -

CaptnTee@aol.com

BIG BOY FOOTBALL

Greetings, FanZ!

As I pound this latest rant, I realize that through this season of success I have a similar problem as I had when we went through the valleys of dismay Post-2009 – how many times could I write, “WE SUCK”, and “FIRE JOHN FOX-HURNEY” and “PEPPERS HAS TO GO”, and plumb the depths of your dissatisfaction and at least make you feel like your angst had a legion of allies and supporters  – Now, I’m finding quite a similar situation coming up the same way, week after week,  win after win –

How many times can I write about how UTTLERLY F**CKING AWESOME it is to watch, tune in, read about, listen to radio chatter concerning THE CAROLINA PANTHERS OF 2013??!!! Of all of the superlatives and hyperbole I could possibly muster out of my expansive vocabulary, could I piece together something you, dear reader, would find interesting and enlightening? Could I take tackle after tackle, score after score, and make an epic storylog  that would prime you for more Pantherfandom?

As Lauren and I sat in the stadium Monday night, after a buzz not achieved in our lot in many a year, I considered all of the witty titling I could give a rant after our sixth consecutive win – But much like last week, all that my mind could process was simple verbiage betraying my almost limitless ability to colourize in word, any possible subject –

“BIG BOY FOOTBALL” –

Ok, so I think you, me, every casual fan and every feverent gridiron-poisoned fan, every talking head on every sports network can agree, that The Carolina Panthers are playing “BIG BOY FOOTBALL”. So, with that said, I would say, that if you are a young man playing football, on the high school level, a blue-chipper playing at a 4A organization, I think you would likely be playing “BIG BOY FOOTBALL”. And like that “HELLO…………………!!!” commercial some telecommunications company aired last year, you’ve got Bob Stoops coming to speak that repeated salutation to you, and before you know it, you are an All-American playing at a Division One school with a chance at glory on a national level. And NFL scouts are looking at you play – “BIG BOY FOOTBALL”… And then you hear your name, possibly on the first day of the NFL Draft at the Music City Hall, and you will now get paid to play – “BIG BOY FOOTBALL”

So – if we take the description, and determine that all 32 teams in the NFL play “BIG BOY FOOTBALL” –

We would be in error.

In my opinion, “BIG BOY FOOTBALL” looks something like this –

It starts with a coaching philosophy.  A determination to use the athletes in your organization to execute your vision in “x’s and o’s, and succeeding. A supporting front office that provides this coaching staff with the college athletes and free agents it needs to continue and cycle the process.

Bill Belli-cheat is a good example of a coach that gets it. His New England-gland Pastry-Rots PLAY BIG BOY FOOTBALL. Year after year. Pete Carroll is another. So is Sean Peyton.

The players are all bought into the system, both offensively and defensively. There’s no self-serving desire for records, for individual milestones for petty bickering about who gets the ball, who starts, who sits who gets the points – all there is, is the singular vision of success, the way the coaching staff builds it in practice. All of the acclaim, the records, the stats, comes as a result of the process. Of course, it all sounds utopian, because there IS a strong sense of pride in every athlete at this level – it’s displayed in various ways, from the boisterous howling of Ray Lewis, to the intense and cerebral mannerisms of Peyton Manning.  They all want to win – and the way that these athletes join from OTA’s  through training camp, to the end of the regular season and beyond, form the very definition of the word – TEAM as we use it to describe clubs in the NFL.  The offense of a “BIG BOY FOOTBALL” team is a system that consistently runs to game plan, and is capable of adjusting to game conditions in REAL TIME.

Note that last part of that last sentence.  It will be an important part later in my rant.

The defense of a “BIG BOY FOOTBALL” team is one that controls the game, snap to snap. It is able to limit yards, points, and consistently gets possession BACK to the offense. It is staffed by athletes of the highest level of performance, who never, ever, stop until the whistle blows.

As I said before, The Pastry-Rots play “BIG BOY FOOTBALL” – The Saints play “BIG BOY FOOTBALL”.

The Pissburgh Squeelers no longer are capable of “BIG BOY FOOTBALL” –

The Detroit Lions are beginning to grasp it – but are not there yet. Same for the Bungles.  The Phoney- Niners play “BIG BOY FOOTBALL”. And believe it or not, it’s coming back to the Noo Yawk Gi-AINTS. Jon Beason has the HEART of “BIG BOY FOOTBALL”. He makes a difference in that defense now.

The Duckies NEVER played “BIG BOY FOOTBALL”. NEVER.

The Green Bay Packers do NOT play "BIG BOY FOOTBALL". One player CANNOT make that big of a difference on a "BIG BOY FOOTBALL" team.  Billi-Cheat lost Tommy Terrific and STILL won 10 games with Matty Cassel who now stinks it up for another team that DOES NOT play "BIG BOY FOOTBALL". If you cut your greasy hair, Clay Matthews, and quit doing those INANELY STOOPID FatHead commericials, you MIGHT sniff a TENTH of Luke Keuchley's "BIG BOY FOOTBALL" quotient.

John Fox can usually coax an unusual brand of “BIG BOY FOOTBALL” out of his teams when Peyton Manning’s not the QB, we’ve been real used to that game we knew as “FoxBall”. Of course, now that Brotha Mannings dealing with a bit of a gimpy ankle, FoxBall makes sense for the Broncoids, who, without question, are playing “BIG BOY FOOTBALL”.

The game last week in San Francisco was a great example of “BIG BOY FOOTBALL”. The game Monday –

WAS DEFINING.  In ways that exceed the best of John Fox’s teams. Why would I say that?  More on that in a few sentences. I turned to Lauren at the kickoff, and said –

“Its time to play some BIG BOY FOOTBALL!!!” , and I was fairly confident that we could. There was no question that the Brady Bunch and his Cheat-a-checks would bring their best efforts. And there was no question that the Panthers would. Even though Brady found his yards, the BIG BOY DEFENSE of the Panthers held this offensive juggernaut to a measly 3 points.  As the game unfolded, I realized the genius of Bill Belli-cheat, and how he decided he was going to play this contest. He knew yards would come at a premium against this defense– there were so many heads to the hydra, so he could only keep so many heads at bay – Brady all but forsook the deep ball, because those extra seconds taken scanning the field would have brought Kraken and Company driving him into the Bank of America Stadium turf. He dumped off, with frequency, and those little 3 and 4 yard gains became 8 and 9 yard gains! And as you saw, they took the lead late on us. This is what “BIG BOY FOOTBALL” teams do.  But “BIG BOY DEFENSE”, which the Panthers have, no doubt, makes the lead by the opposition only 3 points – and gets the ball back to the offense -

And, now, if there was any question, and I had many, about this Carolina Panther offense being able to play “BIG BOY FOOTBALL”, they are dispelled. Like I said, Belli-cheat had made an absolute commitment to stopping the run. Our stable of backs, the “Triple Threat”, didn’t manage 50 yards. THE WHOLE GAME.  In seasons past, this was a recipe for disaster. But we didn’t have Cam Newton then. Jake Delhomme could never have done in this offense what Cam does. What we saw in the past two games was like seeing that idealistic gung-ho farm boy from Tatooine become a Jedi Knight in “Star Wars”. Soooo – If we were not able to get yards running with the backs, then Cam would find the open receiver, because that extra player was in the defensive “box”. And if he found the passing lanes choked off, of course, as the endless loops of highlight reels show again and again – he RAN.  Unlike Forrest Gump, he RAN for a VERY PARTICULAR REASON. And again, I cannot ignore the role Mike Shula is playing in this offense. Remember what I said about “BIG BOY OFFENSE”? I’m going to have to retract my vilification of his system I made early in the season -  When our original gameplan to gash the Pastry-Rot Defense with StewWilliams Cookies failed to produce, he switched gears, mid-game, and the result?

A final drive by Cam Newton and his Cam-a-Lots of the Cat’s Table that was one for the ages. I will save the game on my DVR, and watch it again and again until the Panthers top this one. Which they will. This season.  Like Luke Skywalker severing the hand of Darth Vader, rendering him useless, Cam severed the most important head on Belli-cheat’s hydra, and like Han Solo sweeping in with the Millennium Falcon to clear Luke’s path to destroying the Death Star, the defense, led by our OWN LUKE – finished the job.

And I’m not adding one more f**cking word to the blathering about catchable balls. Period.

And I would be failing you not to mention that this success begins with our new GM, Dave Gettleman, who I believe 100% gets “BIG BOY FOOTBALL”, and makes sure Riverboat gets the athletes he needs to succeed. I would also be failing you if I did not once again retract my earlier statement about Ron Rivera and his inability to win at this level. Like Cam, he’s make a quantum shift in the way he approaches this game, and the results, well, this 6-game winning streak is proof enough.

Do this year’s Carolina Panthers play “BIG BOY FOOTBALL”??? You damn right they do.  Can they continue this string of success? I believe it. If we can go to a place and beat a “team” that’s about five galaxies away from “BIG BOY FOOTBALL” in the Miami Dull-phins, a “team” incidentally, that we have NEVER BEATEN IN OUR ENTIRE FRANCHISE EXISTENCE – with the same intensity we’ve brought to EVERY GAME WE’VE PLAYED this season, you can print the playoff tickets, because we, THE CAROLINA PANTHERS, will be there.

A Crazy Joe Diversion from topic, slightly ……………..

The young Jedi, Cam Newton, approaches a ghostly visage of the Lord of BIG BOY FOOTBALL, Master Lombardi – who tells him his training is finished – already knows, him, that which he needs.

“Then I AM a Jedi” Cam breathlessly tells himself –

“COUGHCOUGHCOUGH” replies Master Lombardi – “NO – not yet! One thing remains – The Dolphins – You MUST DEFEAT THE DOLPHINS – “

“Then, and only then, A Jedi will you be –“

Thanks so much for the diversion. I felt it necessary. In order for the Panthers to be what I feel they should TRULY be, they will need to do what no coaching staff, no front office was able to manage in our 17 years of existence. Beat the Miami Dolphins. Now.

Then,  and only then,

Truly.

A BIG BOY FOOTBALL TEAM, will we be.

The SuckyNeers and the Saints await after that.

As well as your PantherFanz ultimate Tailgate Party!!!

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WE ARE!!!

About 4,000 years ago, an exiled Egyptian prince scaled the Holy Mount Sinai, and had an exclusive conversation with The Almighty, the Creator of the Entire Universe, the Ultimate Power that controls and moves everything that is, on the sub –atomic level.

The ex-prince, as you probably gather as Moses, the Bringer of God’s Law, asked Him as it related to his discourse with the Hebrews The Lord wanted delivered from bondage-

“Who do I say that You Are??”

The Lord Replied –

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII AAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM-

YOU WILL SAY THAT I AM HAS SENT YOU………………………

It’s been a while since I’ve been able to pound the keyboard for this blog, and I sincerely apologize for possibly offending anyone with this Biblical allusion to what we’ve all seen today – but I can’t help but feeling spiritually euphoric at what we’ve seen – only TWO WORDS come to my mind - in the matter-of-fact manner in which THE ALMIGHTY proclaimed his existence to Moses –

WE ARE……………

WE ARE…………………..

Relevant in the NFL.

Relevant in the playoff picture.

THE LEAGUE’S #1 DEFENSE.

Forget the Kansas Shitty Chefs. Forget the Noo Yawk Jests. Forget the overrated Robby Ryan Saints. And now, forget the Sad-FranShits-ko  Phoney-Niners.  This defense took control of this game early, and took enough pressure off of a cautious and intensely pressured offense. I give TONS of credit to Cam Newton, and his OC Son-Of-Jaw for recognizing  this fact – we continued to get enough yards, ON OUR PLAY BALANCE, to give that defense enough of a breather to come back to the field and continue to punch this overrated NFC squad in the mouth, again and again…

WE ARE………………..

Playing as a team, in a way we haven’t done since that mythical year of 2008 – Every unit is playing with a passion and trust in one another to do the things covered in practice. There’s going to be the absolute gushing on all of the media wonkers about our defense, but I’ve gotta give some love to the offensive line – A unit that’s been jury-rigged all season is performing at a level that is not costing us games – they are opening enough holes for the run game, and giving time enough to Cam-A-Lot to make the plays he needs to make –

WE ARE…………………………

A team playing with CLASS. For all of our punishing defense , and smash-mouth way we are running the ball, for the most part we are doing it with CLASS. When Mike Mitchell inadvertadly ends Sam Bradford’s season, he APOLOGIZES the next day! When Mike “Cookies” Tolbert  absolutely FLATTENS a defensive back, he stays with him after the play in genuine concern for his safety – This is a football team void of reprehensible over-juiced egotists – and they play CLEAN.

WE ARE………………….

Now a joy to watch and cheer for! This brand of football that Coach Rivera and his staff have brought to us of late is the kind we’ve been DYING to see – and it can only get better – Do you think that Bill-a-Cheat and his Patsy-Rots are a little concerned in coming to BOFA next Monday after seeing the emasculation we put on the “Vaunted” Phoney-Niners? Oh yeah, that staff is definitely losing sleep imagining that front seven of ours pour through Brady-Boy’s battered O-line –

And now that I bring Coach Rivera up –

WE ARE…………….

As a fan base –

In need to extend to this good man of integrity, inner strength, and humility, a genuine apology for the disparaging malfeasance we’ve heaped upon him in the first quarter of this season. What he, his staff, and Dave Gettleman have put in place is rewarding the patient and trusting fans with the kind of team we’ve wanted to see, and vindicating themselves to the fans (like ME!) that doubted them.

As for me –

I BELIEVE in these Carolina Panthers NOW…

Join me –

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WHERE ART THOU, O SHLEPROCK???

For years thy visage hung upon thee as a malevolent spectre cast its vile shadow upon the cheeriest of days. Thou arrivest again and again to spoilst the joy of ardent followers of thou gridiron heroes of the Land that His Majesty King Charles dost bequethest his name to.  Game after game, season after season, thy bringest thy darkness to thou warm and illumined halls of celebrations. Tailgate after Tailgate, postgame after postgame, thou has desecrated all thy desires for simple joys, for thou removest victory from thy grasp as a doting mother snatcheth away anything that which harmeth thy child. There is little that thou cannot blacken with the merest whisper of thou possible arrival to the company of thee – Though the intent of thou is benevolent, by the nature of the black cloud thou is eternally bound to, the sight of thou bringeth unintentional ruin to the mechanizations of thy Carolina Panthers.

So, where wast thy visage today, O Schleprock?

Thou expected thy arrival as sure as the winter bringest the snow. When sadness and tragedy befallest our adversary for the weekend, it was sure to be an emotional ally to overwhelmst thou most dogged of efforts.  Thou hast experienced this as recent as last season, when thou broughst the darkness of the fate thou carryest as Jacob Marley is burdenst  with the chain forged by the vice and vile of thy errant life.   Thou madest the Chieftains of the Lands of Western Missourah as a potent force, as toothless as thy were, and fittest to thy love yet another defeat, stinging, demoralizing, and yet, fitting.

Thy expected thy timely arrival today – WHERE WAST THOU, O SHLEPROCK???

Thy must remindst thou, that the company of men with the snarling predator on thy helmeting is the target of the slings of thou odious malfeasance…

And yet, thou desirest to further darkenst the days of the Norsemen… And as thou contemplatest thy absence from thy sideline, the sun breakest the cover of cloud to brighten the skies of His Majesty King Carolus… be still thy pulsing heart – a sign of hope???

Shleprock, O Shleprock, thou hast thy permission to stayest away from this day forward, through thou contest at home with the Rams Of Saint Louis, to thou contest at the Land That Sherman Didst Burn against the Birds that Royalty Dost Sport.

But to be the kind and hospitable member that thou ist,

We leave a spot at the table for thou…

If thy hast a reply, thou mayest

Email thee –

CaptnTee@aol.com

FOOL'S GOLD

As I nurse a glass of red vintage, and put in perspective what I saw with the core Pantherfanz group this afternoon, I’m left again with a very palpable and disgusting feeling, one that hasn’t left me, really, since the debacle we saw unfold in that fateful January evening in 2009, when the Super Bowl was as close as we’ve seen it since the year we’d made it.

The faces have largely changed, save a few stalwart veterans, but the ghosts still haunt us.

I don’t want to revisit that place again, ever, but today forces me to.

On a day where continuing a season of hope crashed cruelly on the shoulders of these same Arid-zona Cardy-Noles, I’m forced to accept a notion that is antithesis to the passion of my fanatic heart –

The 2013 Carolina Panthers are just not a very good team. We have a collection of VERY GOOD players, but those players have consistently been inconsistent in the execution of play in the most CRITICAL of situations. When, WHEN, have you seen Steve Smith drop not one, but TWO balls that would have resulted in either a score or a huge gain? And Travelle Wharton? That safety you gave up in the third quarter??? INEXCUSABLE!!! LaFell? That fourth-down catch you let drop to the Arizona turf? A difference in the outcome!!! 76 yards of drive-killing penalties?

***sigh***

***HUGE SIGH***

The curse of the Cardy-Noles continues, friends. On a day when Charlie Brown could kick not only the ball out of Lucy’s grasp, but Lucy’s f**king head as well, Charles’ Schultz’ eternally downtrodden character performs as expected. And like Charlie, who is easily the most likeable of Mr. Schultz’ creations, Ron Rivera and his Panthers again meet with failure. There comes a point where optimism and “we’ll get ‘em next time” mantras fail to satisfy the desires of the fan base, who fill that stadium game after game, who tune in to EVERY game, vent on talk radio, and support the franchise to whom we are committed.

I’m unsure that blame for this abortion of a game falls completely on Rivera, but in the real world, as well as professional sports, the ones in leadership positions ultimately take the blame for failure. Something is surely going to change with the Carolina Panthers, and I’m sure that the coming weeks will see Dave Gettleman continue to pull the switches he feels he needs to pull to make this team better. To make this team more competitive. To win.

Because right now, we just don’t have it.

Beating the Gi-‘Aints?

It was fools’ gold. Pure, unadulterated fool’s gold. The Gotham Goobers are truly, truly bad, and not a good measuring stick of where we are as a football team, not by any stretch of the imagination.

Now, big picture, we are not mathematically out of the playoff chase, but realistically, the teams we will need to catch are moving forward with their seasons. We are NOT going to catch the Saints for a division championship, I can say that with complete confidence. Today, we went backwards. And we have a pumped-up Vikings team to handle next week. Even a victory there won’t restore the hope I had two weeks ago.

I resign myself to another season of underachieving , and putting my faith in the mechanizations of a general manager that’s not afraid to make bold decisions to improve this football team.

The Braves are on and beating the Dodgers, so I’m also failing at caring anymore about today’s game.

I have other things to care about.  Thanks for tuning into the Pantherfanz “Rant Of The Week”

Chop on.

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A NEW HOPE

After Sunday’s joyous blowout win, which was bordering on a religious experience, I was going to name this week’s rant –

“Coming to Jesus” –

Which of course, connotes a religious experience, but after stewing on what I’d seen, and what’s coming down the pike, I finally came up with another titling, which also connotes religion, as Hope is a word of the faithful, waiting for the moments of joyous deliverance – and those of you who fervently follow the Carolina Panthers must CERTAINLY have it by now – if you don’t, you have a cantankerous gloomy outlook that is antithesis to healthy fandom.

At this moment, I am brimming with it –

Mind you, I’m still wary of the coaching staff, but I couldn't help thinking that Mikey Son Of Jaw and Chef Ron had a meeting with The Almighty Himself, who revealed to them their quarterback, Cam Newton, and all of the wonderful things he’s capable of doing when correctly utilized, when SuperCam ripped off run after run on our nemesis, driving us down the field on our very first offensive possession to an ACTUAL TOUCHDOWN!!! You all were there, or you saw it on TV, so I don’t have to go play by play with you – You know what you saw, and to me it was almost like seeing Mother Mary’s holy visage appearing in the frothy foam of your freshly poured beverage.

At this point, it’s all about BIG PICTURE –

It’s about –

HOPE. 

Look at the league, y’all – Look at the wreckage of winless teams - some, expected, like the Sucky-Neers and Jaggy-whyers. BUT – a look at who else is still looking for just ONE win – teams EXPECTED to contend – The DeadSkins, The Squeelers, The Vikings, and most importantly, the team from Gotham we sent TO THEIR WORST DEFEAT IN FORTY YEARS!!!

Think about that – the last time the Gi-AINTS lost that bad, some of you weren't even EMBRYOS – Cable TV was an experiment, there were 5 or 6 channels on your 19-inch TV, which, if you were lucky, was in colour. Computers were hulking tape-fed behemoths that were denizens of huge universities and corporations, or either benevolent or evil mechanizations in sci-fi movies and novels. You get the ideal.

Now, 1-2’s not anything to boast about, but the very nature by how we got this first win, and who we got it against has to be held in comparison to the rest of the NFC – Who else is 1-2? Just about everyone.  Chicago, New Orleans and Seattle are undefeated for now, but are clear frontrunners. Ok, three more spots – the Cowboys are 2-1, as are the Detroit Lions. I know, I know, it’s FAR too early to contemplate playoffs, but as this is the goal of every team in the league, you have to know that OUR PANTHERS are in the thick of the race! Look at the heavy hitters that were supposed to be contenders – the Duckies, snakebit at 1-2, the Packers, also at 1-2, and the Phoney-Niners all of a sudden disintegrating! Do they have our SMOTHERING front 7? Do they have Cam Newton? Do they have the third ranked rushing attack in the NFL? And, do they have hope?

Like us, Green Bay has the first bye of the season to heal and to game plan the remainder of the season. They lost to Cincinnati in the same fashion WE had been losing close games in! And we, we went into the bye with the LARGEST MARGIN OF VICTORY – EVER-in our history. It seems to be too early for a bye, but a famous coach once quipped, “It’s always the right time for a bye!” And so it is. And so we have two weeks to dream. To imagine the possibilities .

And to hope.

Look at the upcoming schedule – At Arid-Zona, At the Vikings, at home versus the sucky-once-again Lambs, and then to the Sucky-neers before coming home to crush the Duckies in front of our Canadian brothers… Of course, all games are loseable, but the way things are unfolding this year, ALL GAMES ARE EASILY WINNABLE!

A 6-2 record, going into the last half of the season??? In the Ron Rivera Era???

I have something I DIDN'T have last week –

I have –

Hope…

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TICK.........TICK............TICK..............

It’s the onomatopoeia that describes Time.

Time.

A concept of a universal property only recently fathomed by human beings. At its most expansive, it’s fully understood only by those who possess the highest degrees in physics, who see the universe in all of its infinite wonder at the sub-atomic level.

To you and I and almost everyone else, it’s used to measure all the things in our lives.

Anniversaries. How long to smoke that brisket. How late you’re going to tell Dano you will be to the tailgate party. How long you’ve owned that Camaro. How long it takes you to…

You get the ideal.  It’s far more finite in the real world. And although some physicists may argue the notion, it DOES truly appear relative, to accelerate OR decelerate depending on the variables that are constant at any particular moment.

Tick….Tick….Tick….

Like the moment our TIME-challenged coach decided to neglect the surest way to victory last Sunday, giving our latest opponent ample amounts of time to once again display to the sporting world who cares about such things, and particularly, the Members of Panther Nation, that

He.

Just.

Doesn’t.

Know.

How.

To.

Win.

In.

The .

N

F

L.

The statistics speak for themselves. And as it relates to time,

I truly believe that TIME is up for the coaching tenure of Ron Rivera.  Some of you may argue that he was handicapped by the triplicate of injuries to our defensive backfield. Nonsense. You STILL had the Bills PRECISELY where you needed them!   I remember Dano turning to me when we kicked the final field goal, and saying  -

“We’re going to lose this game – you watch”

Tick…Tick…Tick….

And he was right.

My mind goes back to one of my favorite stories in one of my favorite sermons my old pastor preached years ago – Itzak Perlman, one of the monolith violinists in human history, gave a concert in Tel Aviv, and upon starting his concerto, one of his strings popped, to the horror in the audience, but he continued to effortlessly glide his bow across the remaining strings, when – yet ANOTHER string popped! And yet, Mr. Perlman  continued his piece, not missing a note, and concluded to thunderous applause by an emotionally spent audience – When asked  HOW he was able to complete such a complex piece of music with only two strings on his Stradivarius, he replied –

“I used what God left for me”

We have what we have.  A powerful defensive front 7.  A talented group of offensive players and a frustratingly inconsistent GIFTED quarterback that this coaching staff has NOT FIGURED OUT HOW TO USE.  I believe that even an AVERAGE coach would have taken these pieces, with the TIME allotted, to salt away this game.

There other stories about those who took less than they desperately needed to fulfill any particular mission, project, or even to survive, and SUCCEEDED. These are men and women of exquisite bravery and fortitude. They CHALLENGED TIME, and fate -

Tick…Tick…Tick….

Ron, Ron, Ron. You’ve had a little more than two years to figure this out.  It’s not rocket science. The TIME to win is NOW. We cannot allow any opponent, much less an inferior one, off the hook!  The TIME to success in this league these days has shortened DRAMATICALLY. Rookie head coaches, rookie quarterbacks are making the playoffs as regularly these days as Vladimir Putin appears shirtless on Facebook…

It doesn’t appear that you’ve got it, Ron, and

Time

Is

Running

Out. 

The Giants game may be the Alamo for you.

BUT -

You SLOW TIME with a victory, this Sunday - Make it happen...

Tick….Tick….Tick….

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JUST IMAGINE...

Coach Ron Rivera coming to his office at Bank of America Stadium early yesterday morning -

His phone rings - he sees that it's GM Dave Gettleman -


"Good morning Mr. Gettleman - what can I do for you?"

"Good Morning, Ron - Mr Richardson wants to see you AND Coach Shula in his office in one hour -
Can the two of you be there then before the film sessions? I don't think this will take long -"

"Of course I can, Mr, Gettleman! Tell Mr. Richardson we'll be there in exactly ONE HOUR!"


He hangs up the phone, and ponders for a moment, then notifies Son Of Jaw to get his ass in gear and join him.

They get to Uncle Jerry's office five minutes early. He and Shula are understandably a little nervous.

The receptionist ushers them into Jerry's office.

"Gentemen -" the booming new heart-enhanced voice proclaims - "have a seat! This won't take but a second, and y'all can get back to your film work!"

"Did you see that Philadelphia-Warshington game last night? I DID."

"Yessir, Mr. Richardson, we saw it -" Coach Rivera replies.

"I wanna see men in OUR CAROLINA PANTHERS uniforms do what those Philthydelphia Eagles were doing! And I wanna see it before the bye - Do you get that, gentlemen?"

"Now - make it happen. I don't care what you gotta do, who's asses you gotta bust, but I wanna see us move up and down the field like that, and score a messa points like that!"

"My assistant will see you out"


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MARGIN OF ERROR

In this game?

Very, very slim.

And we leapt right past it.

Snatching sure, and all-too-familiar defeat, once again, from the welcoming jaws of victory.

Why?

In the past, one, lousy, stinking turnover was never enough to jeopardize a contest for us –

Not this time.

Not a team this talented.

But holding them to TWELVE STINKING POINTS??? AND LOSE???

Ok, who’s our OC again? Mike Shula??? The SON OF JAW???  You’ve got CAM NEWTON, STEVE SMITH, BRANDON LAFELL, GREG OLSEN, TED GINN, DEANGLEO WILLIAMS, DOMINICK HICKSON, and THIS IS THE BEST YOU CAN COME UP WITH???!!!

SEVEN  F**KING POINTS???

My rant is brief, and to the point.

As a fan who intently, and passionately follows this team, THIS early in the season, I have put the mind, and “legacy” of Shula on notice.

You have got two, TWO games to turn this around.

Or you take the hopes of a city that’s STARVED for something, ANYTHING to cheer for, into the crapper, as well as the head coaching career of a guy who really is a decent man.  And I, as well as many others in this city, will speak your name not with the reverence of those who remember your dad, but with the venomous repudiation we speak of a long line of failed coordinators.

And any hopes you have of advancing your own NFL career beyond He Who Launders Jock Straps.

I pin this loss not on any miscue of the players. This is not on the offensive line. Cam wasn’t sacked ONCE. This is not on the defense. They played a TERRIFIC game. This loss is squarely on the lack of offensive creativity of the coaching staff.

I’m done.

I’d better see better than this in Buffalo.

Out.

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"EXCITED AS HELL!!!"

First off, I would like to apologize to the sites’ many followers and readers for my year-long absence.

As many of you know, I’ve been on a heart-rending journey that started last year with my dad, who Marc proclaimed as the “Commissioner of the Lot” back in 2003, and his brief and unsuccessful battle with colorectal cancer. Add to that several life-changing events, and well, a gush of blog posts on a professional football team become irrelevant and unnecessary. BUT –

As with all things traumatic, they all pass, and that includes seasons of suckage, and the GOOD TIMES return to us all.

So it goes with us, and the silver, black and electric blue wagon we’ve hitched our sports passions too.

I’m back. And the only phrase that I can think of is the one I’ve opened up the season’s first rant with – Let me return back to that gorgeous November morning back in 2003. My dad had recently returned from a lengthy misadventure in the Dominican Republic, and I implored him to attend his first tailgating experience in the old Morehead street lot. Of course, as is his way, he came quite nattily dressed in a fine blazer, dress shirt and sweater vest and wool slacks. Fox 18 did a quick story there and proclaimed Pops as “The Best Dressed Panthers Fan”. In the brief interview he gave the reporter at the site, he said in his heavy Eastern European accent, quote – “This is my first time at the NFL game with my son, and –

 I’M EXCITED AS HELL!!!”

 Endquote.

It was a phrase that Marc immortalized, set on the website, (if the link still works it can be seen in our archives here - mms://xpstream.winisp.net/dark_dante/Nov9-2003/), and used the sound bite to open his mega-touching blog concerning his own dad, Ron Stanton’s heart surgery. I had so hoped my Dad could have battled through his affliction to make it to the tailgate party to once again exhort us to the start of last year’s season, but alas, it was not to be. And so, my Dad joins Marc and the other beloved members of our circle that have crossed the mortal boundaries of our existence to those eternal vistas that know no bounds, storms, or pain. And we are here to anticipate what is coming for our Panthers in the upcoming season. So, with an offseason of purge and acquire, General Gettleman, in his first go-around at the administrative helm of our Cats, has given clearance to Chef Rivera to FINALLY add the ingredients to our football feast that take us from fast-food burgers to an evening at Ruth Chris – I’m returning to the theme of a rant I made at the start of Ron Rivera’s tenure…

 http://pantherfanz.blogspot.com/2011/09/changing-recipe.html

So our offense now has the Frisbee catchin’ dogs that SuperCam needs to fling the biscuit at, although Chef Ron is going to need to go to the “Quick Sale “ isle for an offensive lineman or two. On defense, I’m definitely of the opinion that the defense is rapidly approaching Cordon Bleu status – yeah, yeah, I know that preseason is pretty much fool’s gold, but when thing are working right in the preseason, they tend to work right in the regular season. So while the offense needs some more time in the oven and an ingredient or two, the defense is ready to serve! And serve they will –

 Here are my thoughts as to how the season unfolds –

WEEK 1- vs. SEATTLE

If we wanted to know where the team stood among the so-called NFL “elite” we could probably not ask for a much better opponent than the trendy pick from the media lemmings, the Seattle Seahawks. This is a team we SHOULD have beaten last year, save for a really stupid play from Cam – It’s largely the same team, except we’ve got some major additions, and exponential improvements in several facets of our game. This is a statement game, the SeaDogs RARELY play well on a East Coast jaunt, and the Panthers win this DECISIVELY.

WEEK 2- @BUFFALO

A team that should be improving is going backwards. With an outright inexperienced rookie starting at QB, this looks to be a defensive struggle that the Panthers ultimately pull out. The road win gives us a promising 2-0 start –

WEEK 3 – vs. NOO YAWK GIANTS

We revisit the colossal failure of last year’s nationally televised embarrassment. Except this year, the stage is a little bit different, and the cast of characters revised a bit – don’t think that retribution’s NOT a motivating factor for everyone on the team that endured it last year – This one’s a WIN, boys and girls – that nasty front seven is going to make Brotha Manning PAY every time he takes a snap, and suddenly, the country is taking notice of the 3-0 CAROLINA PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANTHERS!!!

WEEK 4- vs. BYE

Not a particularly good time for a bye, but it gives the offense another week of hard practice to get any residual kinks worked out, because the schedule doesn’t get any easier from here on out –

Week 5 - @ ARID-ZONA This, on paper, looks like a win, but I’m not so sure. The giddy 3-0 start may have the ‘Cats feeling a bit over confident. The Cardynoles DO have a decent defense that just got better with the addition of LSU’s bad-boy dynamo Tyrann Matheiu – they will be a challenge, but I think the Panthers will come out of the better end of this, but it will be the toughest game we will have yet played in the young season.


WEEK 6- @MINI-SODA

The Metrodome has traditionally been a tough place for us to play, and this won’t be an exception, even as it will be our last visit to this venerable structure. But the fact is that the Viking’s offense has become pretty much one-dimensional. Stop Peterson, and the job’s done. Leave that to our front seven, and the Panthers are now a scrumptious 5-0!!!

WEEK 7- vs. ST LOUIS

 The Bank of America stadium crowd will be like one we haven’t seen in some time. The Bandwagoners who had been largely invisible for the past four seasons, and BTW, have been selling their tickets to the opposing fan base, will all of a sudden be in their seats with their brand new Luke Kuechley jerseys to welcome the conquering heroes home. With nary a Lambs jersey to be seen, the Panthers steam roll the hapless ungulates from Missou, and now, the overexposed talking heads on ESPN, FOX and CBS will be paying attention to us, but few will be willing to go out on that limb and actually consider us contenders – not yet… on NBC’s nightly broadcast, the pundits will still be licking Tommy Brady’s jock…however –

WEEK 8 - @ TAMPA BAY

 -The NFL Network will be giving us our due, and on the opening game of the week, the country will see what we’ve known all along – The Panthers are damned good this year – The Sucky-neers will be going in reverse this season, and it will be apparent in this game – Holy shit – The Panthers are now 7-0. Some of us are not sure that we are just dreaming and it’s time to wake up – And Jonathan Stewart will be back in the offensive mix… just in time...

WEEK 9 – vs. ATLANTA

On this day, I’m pretty sure the Peachtree populace will be caring FAR more about their HOTlanta Braves and their World Series appearance than their floundering Duckies. There’s a reason our games with these dirty birds were so dominant – The talent gap has closed. And in our case, especially DEFENSIVELY, it’s now overwhelmingly on our side. With our pass rush, and a now- hobbled Steven Jackson (trust me, he doesn’t last the season) the Duckies just can’t put the points on the board against this Panther Defense – The Canadian PantherFanz and the Bloody Caesar Brigade leave happy, and Uncle Jerry and BossMan Dave start thinking about new contracts for not only Cam, but Chef Ron…. And Chris Collinsworth still thinks we aren’t any good…

WEEK 10 – @ SAN FRANCISCO

I still think that The Fourty-Niners are one of the most dominant teams in the conference, and they will bring it against us – HARD – It’s almost impossible to believe, but we last played these guys – and BEAT THEM – in our 2-14 season with the now-departed Jimmy Claussen at QB- payback’s a bitch, y’all. Our first loss, but hey, given what we’ve been through, 8-1 going into the last part of the season’s a beautiful thing. But I’m tellin’ you, if I was on my FOURTH Bloody Mary instead of my THIRD, I might be giving this game to the ‘Cats….

WEEK 11 – vs. NEW ENGLANDGLAND

The Panthers make their triumphant return to Monday Night Football against a very worthy and polarizing opponent. The Pastry-Rots will have had a tough season, and this game will just add to their misery. With a whole slew of new receivers that Tommy Terrific will have to get used to, even getting Gronk back won’t help the relentless pass rush we will unleash on the Cheat-a-Checks. We return to the winning side, for the season, and for the first time since that fateful 2008 campaign… From here on out, our games will be flexed, some even featured on the NBC Sunday Night exclusive. And Chris Collinsworth will STILL be praising our opponent, while dissing us and every football quality we apparently lack…

WEEK 12 - @MIAMI

Here’s another game I just don’t feel good about. The Dull-fins will be a much improved team this year, and clearly the only serious opposition to the Pastry-Rots in their pitiful division. We’ve NEVER, EVER beaten this team in our history. And we will have to wait another 4 years. Somehow, the Dolphins find a way to edge us. Even a FIFTH Bloody Mary’s not getting me to think we’re going undefeated…

WEEK 13 – vs. TAMPA BAY

At this juncture of the season, Chef Ron is NOT pulling a Jim Mora – He’s openly saying the “P” word at 9-2, and this divisional game is going to be for the “P” word – POSITIONING – with a lead on the Saints and Duckies, this will be a game we will have to have. Unlike last years’ habitual snatching defeat from the jaws of victory, this will be a game the defense wins for us, moreso than any game they have played this season.

WEEK 14 - @ NEW ORLEANS

If there was ever a team that felt they were owed, it’s these guys. I’ll guarantee this is a game that NBC and those Brees-Jock-Sniffing Collinsworths will want on their broadcast. On paper, I’d say the Panthers are the better team, especially defensively, but Sean Payton has already been game planning on his two contests with the Panthers since his return to the head coaching duties. The ‘Cats put up a valiant fight, but Peyton pulls out every trick in his book, contacts every voodoo practitioner in the entire State of Louisiana, and they find a way to win this game. And for another week, Chris Collinsworth, in his mind, is vindicated on his disdain for the Panthers…

WEEK 15 – vs. NOO YAWK JESTS

The cornucopia of late season home games continues for us, but why, oh WHY did the schedule makers make this a 4.15 kickoff? The train wreck that is the J*E*S*T*S will most assuredly be in full derailment, along with Sexy Rexy’s inevitable dismissal. It’s a happy, HAPPY time in the REAL Queen City (that’s RIGHT, Cincinnati, WE DEY!!!) as the Panthers CLINCH their first playoff spot since that year we are all trying very hard to forget -

WEEK 16 – vs. NEW ORLEANS

All of the Saints’ playoff hopes hinge on this game. Fox makes this the 4.00 National game, and the Panthers will not look as good as they will in this game. Still smarting from the voodoo-enhanced defeat at the Superdome two weeks earlier, Chef Ron snatches the offensive playbook from Coach Mini-Shula and gets Dad to phone in a few creative plays that overcome, embarrass, enmasculate, and evaporate the aspirations of the Comeback Saints. At 12-3, the Carolina Panthers are NFC SOUTH DIVISION CHAMPIONS, and a top seed in the

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PLAYOFFS, BABY!!! Which renders –

WEEK 17- @ATLANTA

-this game meaningless. The Duckies, eliminated weeks ago from playoff contention, intend to play this game for pride, and Chef Ron gets a tip from Chris Collinsworth’s leash holder, Tony Dungee, and signs Jimmy Claussen to a one-week contract so BOTH Cam Newton and Derek Anderson get to sit down for this game that has as much meaning as the fourth preseason game. The Duckies roll in a game that does nothing to salve Douglas Fairbanks’ clone, Arthur Blank in his rage at his under-performing Duckies.

To the postseason we go, and one things for sure – We will not be dealing with The Arid-Zona Cardy-noles, John Fox (not in the divisionals, anyway) OR Joke Del-homey and his seven turnovers.

THE BISTRO PANTHER IS OPEN FOR YOUR DINING PLEASURE!!!

 AND –

 I’M EXCITED AS HELL!!!

 And I sure hope you all are, too - It’s been a pleasure sharing my Bloody Mary-enhanced clairvoyance with you all. It’s good to be back.

 I’ll share my view of the league with you all shortly –

 Gotta Comment? e-mail me, The Cedar Street Seer CaptnTee@aol.com