Hello, Fanz-
For those of you still into the season after the abomination we saw exactly one week ago, I muster what's left of the clarivoyance gland and take on the championship games. Armed with a well-earned case of Labatt's, I go into the games relishing some good football. This will be short, and a quick read.
PHILTHYDELPHIA @ ARID-ZONA
The first game will be the hardest to watch. This SHOULD have been played here! But I ranted myself out of it, and I'm moving on. It is what it is, to quothe the Fox. The Iggles are really playing a fantastic game right now, on both sides of the ball. As much praise has been heaped upon the Cardy-noles for the game last week, I'm of the mindset that the Panthers LOST that game far more than the Cards WON it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, opportunistic defense this, Kurt Warner, Larry Fitz, that, the fact is that the Fleegul defense will be hitting like their momma's been violated. I particularly like the play of Brian Dawkins in the secondary, who is a playmaker in the mold of Ed Reed. And Donovan McSnabb is playing like he had Steve Smith disease. I think the Iggles hit 'em hard and often. They are favoured, last time I looked by -3, and I'm confident they cover and return to their third Super Bowl.
BALTY-MOORE @ PISSBURGH
I'm thinking this could be a body-bag game for the ages. I don't like the matchup of the Squeeler offensive line versus that punishing Raven defense, that has a score to settle. Somehow, I'm envisioning WorthlessBerger giving way to Byron Leftwich, and I'm envisioning Ed Reed returning a pick for six, which might be the only touchdown of the game. The weather conditions will be miserable, and will favour a team able to run. Neither will be doing that particularly well for this game. The highest scoring defense will make the difference, and I like the Quothers to quothe themselves into their second Super Bowl. At least to cover the -6 points their getting on the road...
There you go, Fanz who are left from the debris of the season... I hope to salvage something from the wretched weekend I had last week-
Ugh! I went 1-4 for a total playoff record of 3-5.
I'll be back in a little bit with a rant that's percolating Panther Blue for me and you....
uggh that was lame...
17 January, 2009
11 January, 2009
INVALIDATED
January 11th, 2009
It’s a word that perfectly describes the aftermath of the VERY WORST home loss in franchise history.
A loss that invalidates a sparkling 12-4 record.
That invalidates a breakout season for not only DeAngelo Williams, but Jeff Otah, Jonathan Stewart, and Charles Godfrey.
That invalidates a record-setting rushing attack.
That invalidates arguably the most successful recovery from Tommy John Surgery.
That invalidates a stellar season from Steve Smith, and a triumphant return by Mushin Muhammad.
That invalidates a glowing post-season record for the team under John Fox and Jake Delhomme
That invalidates a season’s worth of great expectations and joyous Sundays, with one INCREDIBLE Monday.
And in a deeply disappointing and cruel twist-
It VALIDATES the increasing criticism that’s heaped toward Jake Delhomme and John Fox.
This is a rant I never believed I'd write, and now I'm disgusted in writing it.
Let’s be honest here. I’d heap a steaming pile of the blame towards Foxy and his coaching staff for a shoddy and poorly – thought out game plan. Why, but why, was the uber-powerful rushing attack so potent in the opening drive so quickly abandoned in favour of a passing game that OBVIOUSLY wasn’t working? Standing in my section, I could not believe what I was watching in the first half. Even down by 13 points in the second quarter did not constitute an emergency, especially when SteWilliams is capable of scoring from any area on the field! It’s as if the entire team, from executive to coach to player to ball boy drank DEEPLY of the Kool-Aid the media had mixed up in praising the Carolina Panthers, and all that was necessary was to show up. It’s so very deflating and discouraging to see a coaching staff as respected and regarded as this one fail so miserably at the very worst time.
I
Just
Don’t
Get
It.
Just as inexplicable is the BEYOND WRETCHED performance of Delhomme. It’s possible we could have survived two turnovers. Even three might have been overcome with even an average offensive performance. BUT SIX!!?? This performance, ironically enough, on his birthday, was the single worst game of his career, without a shred of doubt. Practically all Jake’s throws were off, or forced into coverage when secondary receivers were wide open. The line gave him plenty of time, and was not influencing the poor throws. No matter what happens in the next season or so, this game will be an enduring ugly stain on Delhomme’s legacy, and one that will surely make the quarterback position one to be re-evaluated in the months to come, despite the convicted verbage coming from Fox following this abortion of a game. But ahh, you know this is an upcoming rant in the agonizing months preceeding the NFL Draft.
Of course, we know the defense also shares a nice load of blame. I had felt this last year, and even this year’s much improved performance from one Julius Peppers didn’t completely bury this notion I had.
Trade Peppers.
Now.
He hasn’t made NEAR enough of the game-changing plays that defined his play seasons ago. He’s living off legacy and reputation now, in my opinion, and in the NFL, legacy and reputation are short-lived if performance does not continuously back it up. Peppers just hasn’t lived up to those hallmarks. The remainder of the defense, short of the linebackers and safeties, have also fallen far short of what a “John Fox” defense is supposed to be. The line and cornerbacks have largely underperformed in the second half of the season, and when it was VITAL to stop the Cardy-nole attack, they just got out-physicalled by the Arid-Zona offense. Unacceptable. This unit not only needs an infusion of personnel, but a new coordinator. Trading Peppers, if possible with the advent of his free agency, would get us a first-round draft choice, at the very least, to begin this infusion. And that, of course, will be added to the offseason rant I’m soon to write!
Adding to the belligerent swirl of malevolent karma that suddenly appeared last night was the unprecedented boot Rhys Lloyd made out of bounds early. Somehow, when I saw that, I sadly realized that we were not winning this game. I guess when those bad winds blow, they distress all phases of the team.
BUT!
One thing that even the most wretched performances could NEVER invalidate is the supreme, superlative party that was thrown yesterday in the lot. This was the single greatest tailgate party PantherFanZ ever had, and I knew Marc was grinnin’ ear to ear in his heavenly home knowing that we’d carry the party he adored to this level. I want to thank Dano and James and every single person that’s contributed to spirt of fellowship, food and fun that’s been the highlight of the year to me. It’s been a welcome respite from the maelstrom of ordinary life, and I can’t assign enough value to that. The food, the band, even the well-behaved Cardy-Nole fans were stellar. And oh, how good it was to see our Canadian contingent represented by Peter and Doug, who by the way, got to witness some pretty interesting behaviour in Hartigan’s following the game. In seven more months, we get to plan this all over again, and we get a hint of what it might be when the schedules come out this spring. As I’ve always said, other than the noise we make in supporting the team, we don’t control what the Panthers do. What we DO control, is the party, and it has never, ever, disappointed, regardless if it was a few boxes of chicken and tunes coming from the Party Prowler, to whole pigs and pork shoulders and The Contagious Blues Band AND Red Bull with an OPEN BAR! Even ten interceptions couldn’t ruin our fun. It’s the one thing that’s safe from the teams’ sudden vomiting of ineptitude.
And to close this season’s final rant as it concerns the Panthers, I follow the metaphor that I’d subconsciously dedicated to Marc. One of the saddest things I’d ever seen on screen was in the third Star Trek movie. Faced with the prospect of death for his crew, Captain Kirk made the only choice he could make- He blew up the beloved, iconic Starship Enterprise to save them. As the ship shuddered from explosions, as a fan of the series, I was incredulous with disbelief as I saw the flaming hulk of the ship stream across the atmoshphere of the planet the crew was now marooned on. In a similar sense, I watched last night’s regurgitation of everything that could be vile upon the field with an equal amount of sadness and disbelief. Only Star Trek is a fictitious serial. They rebuilt the Enterprise in the following episode, anyway. What happened at the stadium, of course, was real. It happened. Only Foxy blew up Starship Panther ’08 two games short of the final destination because of ineptitude, and not out of necessity. The good news is that THIS ship can also be rebuilt, but the sting of this defeat, with the best offense ever fielded by the Panthers, and one of the best chances since ’03 to get to the Super Bowl, will be indelibly etched in that part of the hearts of the fans where sadness is stored for a very, very, long time.
I’m not soon to forget it.
And so I say “farewell” to the ’08 season. Invalidated by this loss. And still every bit,
A PantherFan.
Gotta Comment?
E-mail Me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
It’s a word that perfectly describes the aftermath of the VERY WORST home loss in franchise history.
A loss that invalidates a sparkling 12-4 record.
That invalidates a breakout season for not only DeAngelo Williams, but Jeff Otah, Jonathan Stewart, and Charles Godfrey.
That invalidates a record-setting rushing attack.
That invalidates arguably the most successful recovery from Tommy John Surgery.
That invalidates a stellar season from Steve Smith, and a triumphant return by Mushin Muhammad.
That invalidates a glowing post-season record for the team under John Fox and Jake Delhomme
That invalidates a season’s worth of great expectations and joyous Sundays, with one INCREDIBLE Monday.
And in a deeply disappointing and cruel twist-
It VALIDATES the increasing criticism that’s heaped toward Jake Delhomme and John Fox.
This is a rant I never believed I'd write, and now I'm disgusted in writing it.
Let’s be honest here. I’d heap a steaming pile of the blame towards Foxy and his coaching staff for a shoddy and poorly – thought out game plan. Why, but why, was the uber-powerful rushing attack so potent in the opening drive so quickly abandoned in favour of a passing game that OBVIOUSLY wasn’t working? Standing in my section, I could not believe what I was watching in the first half. Even down by 13 points in the second quarter did not constitute an emergency, especially when SteWilliams is capable of scoring from any area on the field! It’s as if the entire team, from executive to coach to player to ball boy drank DEEPLY of the Kool-Aid the media had mixed up in praising the Carolina Panthers, and all that was necessary was to show up. It’s so very deflating and discouraging to see a coaching staff as respected and regarded as this one fail so miserably at the very worst time.
I
Just
Don’t
Get
It.
Just as inexplicable is the BEYOND WRETCHED performance of Delhomme. It’s possible we could have survived two turnovers. Even three might have been overcome with even an average offensive performance. BUT SIX!!?? This performance, ironically enough, on his birthday, was the single worst game of his career, without a shred of doubt. Practically all Jake’s throws were off, or forced into coverage when secondary receivers were wide open. The line gave him plenty of time, and was not influencing the poor throws. No matter what happens in the next season or so, this game will be an enduring ugly stain on Delhomme’s legacy, and one that will surely make the quarterback position one to be re-evaluated in the months to come, despite the convicted verbage coming from Fox following this abortion of a game. But ahh, you know this is an upcoming rant in the agonizing months preceeding the NFL Draft.
Of course, we know the defense also shares a nice load of blame. I had felt this last year, and even this year’s much improved performance from one Julius Peppers didn’t completely bury this notion I had.
Trade Peppers.
Now.
He hasn’t made NEAR enough of the game-changing plays that defined his play seasons ago. He’s living off legacy and reputation now, in my opinion, and in the NFL, legacy and reputation are short-lived if performance does not continuously back it up. Peppers just hasn’t lived up to those hallmarks. The remainder of the defense, short of the linebackers and safeties, have also fallen far short of what a “John Fox” defense is supposed to be. The line and cornerbacks have largely underperformed in the second half of the season, and when it was VITAL to stop the Cardy-nole attack, they just got out-physicalled by the Arid-Zona offense. Unacceptable. This unit not only needs an infusion of personnel, but a new coordinator. Trading Peppers, if possible with the advent of his free agency, would get us a first-round draft choice, at the very least, to begin this infusion. And that, of course, will be added to the offseason rant I’m soon to write!
Adding to the belligerent swirl of malevolent karma that suddenly appeared last night was the unprecedented boot Rhys Lloyd made out of bounds early. Somehow, when I saw that, I sadly realized that we were not winning this game. I guess when those bad winds blow, they distress all phases of the team.
BUT!
One thing that even the most wretched performances could NEVER invalidate is the supreme, superlative party that was thrown yesterday in the lot. This was the single greatest tailgate party PantherFanZ ever had, and I knew Marc was grinnin’ ear to ear in his heavenly home knowing that we’d carry the party he adored to this level. I want to thank Dano and James and every single person that’s contributed to spirt of fellowship, food and fun that’s been the highlight of the year to me. It’s been a welcome respite from the maelstrom of ordinary life, and I can’t assign enough value to that. The food, the band, even the well-behaved Cardy-Nole fans were stellar. And oh, how good it was to see our Canadian contingent represented by Peter and Doug, who by the way, got to witness some pretty interesting behaviour in Hartigan’s following the game. In seven more months, we get to plan this all over again, and we get a hint of what it might be when the schedules come out this spring. As I’ve always said, other than the noise we make in supporting the team, we don’t control what the Panthers do. What we DO control, is the party, and it has never, ever, disappointed, regardless if it was a few boxes of chicken and tunes coming from the Party Prowler, to whole pigs and pork shoulders and The Contagious Blues Band AND Red Bull with an OPEN BAR! Even ten interceptions couldn’t ruin our fun. It’s the one thing that’s safe from the teams’ sudden vomiting of ineptitude.
And to close this season’s final rant as it concerns the Panthers, I follow the metaphor that I’d subconsciously dedicated to Marc. One of the saddest things I’d ever seen on screen was in the third Star Trek movie. Faced with the prospect of death for his crew, Captain Kirk made the only choice he could make- He blew up the beloved, iconic Starship Enterprise to save them. As the ship shuddered from explosions, as a fan of the series, I was incredulous with disbelief as I saw the flaming hulk of the ship stream across the atmoshphere of the planet the crew was now marooned on. In a similar sense, I watched last night’s regurgitation of everything that could be vile upon the field with an equal amount of sadness and disbelief. Only Star Trek is a fictitious serial. They rebuilt the Enterprise in the following episode, anyway. What happened at the stadium, of course, was real. It happened. Only Foxy blew up Starship Panther ’08 two games short of the final destination because of ineptitude, and not out of necessity. The good news is that THIS ship can also be rebuilt, but the sting of this defeat, with the best offense ever fielded by the Panthers, and one of the best chances since ’03 to get to the Super Bowl, will be indelibly etched in that part of the hearts of the fans where sadness is stored for a very, very, long time.
I’m not soon to forget it.
And so I say “farewell” to the ’08 season. Invalidated by this loss. And still every bit,
A PantherFan.
Gotta Comment?
E-mail Me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
09 January, 2009
PRESCRIPTION FOR PLAYOFF VICTORY
January 9th, 2009
I was aghast when I saw Monday morning’s early line on tomorrow’s divisional contest. TEN POINTS? A TEN POINT SPREAD? IN FAVOUR OF THE PANTHERS? What, I wonder, made The Panthers and Cardy-Noles that drastically different than the two teams that met in Week 8? Have the Vegas oddsmakers guzzled the Stewilliams Kool-Aid? And got terminally buzzed from it? There’s no doubt in my mind that we’re the better team, I’m just not sure, at this stage of the playoffs, that we’re TEN POINTS better than a team we had to rally to beat by four- And so with that, I sit at my keyboard, and pound out a prescription that will get us to that plateau. And I really wanted to do this earlier in the week, but situational difficulties made that prohibitive. Read on FanZ-
This is the playoffs. Defense and ground game are imperative to execute optimally to insure success, particularly at the divisional and championship rounds. The Panthers at least have ONE of those. But, a vastly underrated factor is the play of the special teams- one which I think favours the Panthers. The Cardy-Noles are near the bottom of the league in return yardage – The Panthers are in the upper regions. Rhys Lloyd has consistently rooted kickoffs in the endzone, eliminating damaging returns. The coverage teams are a bunch of hard hitters for us, and we shouldn’t be giving up too much field position here. This is where the advantages that ensure a Panther victory begin.
On offense, Carolina just can’t forget what got them to this place. Those five guys I ranted over a few weeks ago have got to once again grade the Cardy-Noles like they have done to the rest of the league in the last quarter of the season. If we are gaining 5 yards per carry, there’s no reason to get cute offensively. I’m sure Foxy realizes that and he’s patient enough to give that part of the game a chance. And Arid-Zona respects our run enough that the play-action pass will certainly be an option in the attack, and with the commitment to stopping the run, the very real possibility of Moose and Smith running in single coverage could be devastating and chew up mega-yards. There are some playmakers defensively for the Cardy-noles that will have to be accounted for, and there’s every indication that the selfless skill players for Carolina will be there to block. All this adds up to the controlled game that Foxy loves to play, and if the defense is successful in blunting the Cardy-Nole passing attack, this second elixir of pure, unadulterated Foxball will bring us closer to covering that huge spread.
On defense, the Panthers will have to seriously bash Arid-Zona’s receivers RIGHT AT THE LINE when the ball’s snapped, and pick their poison offensively, which undoubtedly will be Larry Fitzgerald. Chris Gamble should no doubt get that assignment, and Turkey-Vac should shade a safety over to help. And that front seven will have to get in Warner’s face, and make him feel even more uncomfortable in that expected chilly rain to fall in Charlotte. When we turned up the heat in Week 8, he made more errant throws and a pick to Jon BEASTon. That heat needs to be multiplied EXPONENTIALLY by Mr. Turkey-Vac. Warner is a crafty veteran who has one of the quickest read-and-releases in the game right now, and quick line penetration by the pass rushers will be key. As always, the play of Julius Peppers will be the wild card. If the Cardy-Noles fail to account for where he is in his ever-changing position in the defense, he could be game-changing disruptive. In the secondary, the focus needs to be ON TACKLING! PERIOD! If the receivers are continuously hit hard and jarred, they will begin to hear feet when they get in space, and their effectiveness becomes limited. As a matter of fact, tackling needs to be a priority for every man on the defensive squad. I cannot emphasize that enough. There’s no question this talented offense will get their yards, it’s just important to limit scoring to field goals, and not touchdowns, if at all. This is the third part of the prescription.
These three parts are all up to the Panthers to execute. Perhaps the most important part of all is supplied by US- The Carolina Panther Fans. Remember the incredible amount of noise we generated for Tampa Bay? We need to TRIPLE IT! This will be a major part of making the Cardy-noles feel even MORE uncomfortable in the cold rain – They need to hear nothing but noise when Warner lines up behind center. We need to cheer as if our cheers would put Pete Rose in Cooperstown. (Admit it, you think he deserves it...) This team has never been more worthy of our cheers as they are now. I’m so incredibly thrilled with the performance of this season when it’s compared with the abortion that was last season, and I for one am going to give the ‘Cats all that I can muster, and I’ll be encouraging MY section to do the same, and I’d implore all of you to do the same in YOUR section! This fourth element, when combined with the other three elements, AND the voluminous benevolent karma massing on the side of the home team should guarantee one more splendid, euphoric playoff evening in Carolina. AND-
Make those oddsmakers look like geniuses.
I believe it, Fanz, I BELIEVE IT!
LET’S ROCK THE LOT AS WE
CLAW OUR WAY TO TAMPA BAY! TWO MORE GAMES TO GO!
Gotta Comment?
E-mail Me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
I was aghast when I saw Monday morning’s early line on tomorrow’s divisional contest. TEN POINTS? A TEN POINT SPREAD? IN FAVOUR OF THE PANTHERS? What, I wonder, made The Panthers and Cardy-Noles that drastically different than the two teams that met in Week 8? Have the Vegas oddsmakers guzzled the Stewilliams Kool-Aid? And got terminally buzzed from it? There’s no doubt in my mind that we’re the better team, I’m just not sure, at this stage of the playoffs, that we’re TEN POINTS better than a team we had to rally to beat by four- And so with that, I sit at my keyboard, and pound out a prescription that will get us to that plateau. And I really wanted to do this earlier in the week, but situational difficulties made that prohibitive. Read on FanZ-
This is the playoffs. Defense and ground game are imperative to execute optimally to insure success, particularly at the divisional and championship rounds. The Panthers at least have ONE of those. But, a vastly underrated factor is the play of the special teams- one which I think favours the Panthers. The Cardy-Noles are near the bottom of the league in return yardage – The Panthers are in the upper regions. Rhys Lloyd has consistently rooted kickoffs in the endzone, eliminating damaging returns. The coverage teams are a bunch of hard hitters for us, and we shouldn’t be giving up too much field position here. This is where the advantages that ensure a Panther victory begin.
On offense, Carolina just can’t forget what got them to this place. Those five guys I ranted over a few weeks ago have got to once again grade the Cardy-Noles like they have done to the rest of the league in the last quarter of the season. If we are gaining 5 yards per carry, there’s no reason to get cute offensively. I’m sure Foxy realizes that and he’s patient enough to give that part of the game a chance. And Arid-Zona respects our run enough that the play-action pass will certainly be an option in the attack, and with the commitment to stopping the run, the very real possibility of Moose and Smith running in single coverage could be devastating and chew up mega-yards. There are some playmakers defensively for the Cardy-noles that will have to be accounted for, and there’s every indication that the selfless skill players for Carolina will be there to block. All this adds up to the controlled game that Foxy loves to play, and if the defense is successful in blunting the Cardy-Nole passing attack, this second elixir of pure, unadulterated Foxball will bring us closer to covering that huge spread.
On defense, the Panthers will have to seriously bash Arid-Zona’s receivers RIGHT AT THE LINE when the ball’s snapped, and pick their poison offensively, which undoubtedly will be Larry Fitzgerald. Chris Gamble should no doubt get that assignment, and Turkey-Vac should shade a safety over to help. And that front seven will have to get in Warner’s face, and make him feel even more uncomfortable in that expected chilly rain to fall in Charlotte. When we turned up the heat in Week 8, he made more errant throws and a pick to Jon BEASTon. That heat needs to be multiplied EXPONENTIALLY by Mr. Turkey-Vac. Warner is a crafty veteran who has one of the quickest read-and-releases in the game right now, and quick line penetration by the pass rushers will be key. As always, the play of Julius Peppers will be the wild card. If the Cardy-Noles fail to account for where he is in his ever-changing position in the defense, he could be game-changing disruptive. In the secondary, the focus needs to be ON TACKLING! PERIOD! If the receivers are continuously hit hard and jarred, they will begin to hear feet when they get in space, and their effectiveness becomes limited. As a matter of fact, tackling needs to be a priority for every man on the defensive squad. I cannot emphasize that enough. There’s no question this talented offense will get their yards, it’s just important to limit scoring to field goals, and not touchdowns, if at all. This is the third part of the prescription.
These three parts are all up to the Panthers to execute. Perhaps the most important part of all is supplied by US- The Carolina Panther Fans. Remember the incredible amount of noise we generated for Tampa Bay? We need to TRIPLE IT! This will be a major part of making the Cardy-noles feel even MORE uncomfortable in the cold rain – They need to hear nothing but noise when Warner lines up behind center. We need to cheer as if our cheers would put Pete Rose in Cooperstown. (Admit it, you think he deserves it...) This team has never been more worthy of our cheers as they are now. I’m so incredibly thrilled with the performance of this season when it’s compared with the abortion that was last season, and I for one am going to give the ‘Cats all that I can muster, and I’ll be encouraging MY section to do the same, and I’d implore all of you to do the same in YOUR section! This fourth element, when combined with the other three elements, AND the voluminous benevolent karma massing on the side of the home team should guarantee one more splendid, euphoric playoff evening in Carolina. AND-
Make those oddsmakers look like geniuses.
I believe it, Fanz, I BELIEVE IT!
LET’S ROCK THE LOT AS WE
CLAW OUR WAY TO TAMPA BAY! TWO MORE GAMES TO GO!
Gotta Comment?
E-mail Me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
PLAYOFFS??? DON'T TALK ABOUT PLAYOFFS!!!??? THE WEEKLY HANDICAP AND OTHER PLAYOFF CLARIVOYANCES - ROUND 2
January 9, 2009
Well, Fanz, after a fairly entertaining WildCard weekend, where I was a mediocre 50%, but dead on in picking the Ravens and Cardy-noles, and dead on in identifying Darren Sproles as a difference-maker in the Chargers-Colts game. I stumbled on the Vikings, but now I think I’ve got the ‘ol clairvoyance gland in prime playoff shape as I now handicap the BIG BOYS-
Here I go-
BALTY-MOORE @ TENNESSEE
The weekend divisional matchups start with a real body-bag kind of game between two of the league’s most ferocious defenses. Right now, the Ravens are blazing hot, and I really don’t feel the Titans have an offensive answer for that smothering Raven D. I truly believe that neither offense will be able to put up major yardage, and that field position will be critical, as field goals will constitute most of the scoring. As I thought in the past three games, Ed Reed makes a difference for the Quothers, and will add one more nightmare for Kerry Collins’ Bad Ravens Experiences. And once again, Joey Flacco’s job is not to win the game on offense, just to manage it and not lose it on stupid turnovers. The line is –3 for the Titans, and I’m prepared to make this game a stone-cold mortal LOCK! Ravens straight up to proceed to the Championship game next Sunday!
ARID-ZONA @ CAROLINA
I know most of us have heard every media talking head and pundit break down this game in every imaginable way possible. Basically the contest pits a powerful AND prolific running team with an explosive element to the passing game, against a team that has relied almost exclusively on an air attack. What’s somewhat annoying is the so-called “experts” proclaiming Arid-Zona’s running game back after a “big” 73 yards from a washed-up Edgerrin James. That’s a total load of horses**t! 73 yards on the ground against THIS Panther team won’t amount to SQUAT! The weather conditions in this night game will greatly favour the running game, in which the Panthers lead the league in so many statistical categories, while the Cardy-noles are near the bottom in the same. It will be tough for Warner to fling the biscuit in the rain, which will be their only real chance for victory. The Panthers don’t have that handicap. They will control the line of scrimmage with the powerful road grading offensive line and with Stewilliams, and the game. And – they are rested and healthy. I’m cautiously optimistic that this game does NOT follow the formula of Week 8’s game- So is Vegas- They’ve given the home ‘Cats a humongous –10 point advantage here! Part of me seems to think it ridiculous, but we are NOT the Duckies, and the Cardy-Noles won’t SNIFF OUR snap count, and we’re at home. All of the matchups and statistics point to a blowout by the fourth quarter. Take the Cats and the big spread!
PHILTHYDELPHIA @ NY GEEEMEN
In Sunday’s first tilt, a much-anticipated rematch of bitter divisional opponents highlights the weekend’s games. Much of the sports media have jumped on the Fleegul bandwagon even though they STILL have a suspect rushing attack. Without the serious threat to run, the rested and healthy G’ints will blitz McSnabb relentlessly. Bryan Westbrook is NOT the punishing back that Brandon Jacobs is, although he’s dangerous in short passing situations because of what he can do after the catch. Don’t think the GeeMen have forgotten what Philthydelphia did to them in Week 14 – A healthy Jacobs makes a difference, no matter what Donavan McSnabb throws at them. Eli Manning won’t have to do much more than hand off the ball to his trio of excellent backs, and the Iggles wear down by the second half. Of course, I’d LOVE to see the Iggles win, because THAT guarantees that the NFC Championship game gets played at the BOFA! But I just don’t think the Giants get beat this Sunday, not in this game, not with so much at stake. The line is –4 for the GeeMen, and I’d implore you to take Big Blue.
SAN DIEGO @ PISSBURGH
The last ticket to the leagues’ Final Four gets punched at Heinz Field as the remarkable Chargers try to continue their torrid five-game winning streak, but this isn’t the Colt’s defense. But the fact that this isn’t the Colts’ yardage-eating offense does help the West Coast visitors. WorthlessBerger is sure to be blitzed and blitzed often, and if Willie Parkers’ running can be slowed, I’d expect this game to be a repeat of the Week 11 schlobberknocker. But at this stage of the season, like the Giants, I’m not feeling an upset here. I think Pissburgh’s defense makes a difference here, but I think the Chargers have enough fight in them to make this a close game, especially if they keep Big Ben on the run, and on the ropes. The Squeelers are favoured by –6, but I like the Chargers to cover.
There you go, FanZ, that’s a scrumptious quartet of picks for yer!
See y’all in the lot for a party worthy of The Tailgating Hall of Fame!
Gotta Comment?
E-mail me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
Well, Fanz, after a fairly entertaining WildCard weekend, where I was a mediocre 50%, but dead on in picking the Ravens and Cardy-noles, and dead on in identifying Darren Sproles as a difference-maker in the Chargers-Colts game. I stumbled on the Vikings, but now I think I’ve got the ‘ol clairvoyance gland in prime playoff shape as I now handicap the BIG BOYS-
Here I go-
BALTY-MOORE @ TENNESSEE
The weekend divisional matchups start with a real body-bag kind of game between two of the league’s most ferocious defenses. Right now, the Ravens are blazing hot, and I really don’t feel the Titans have an offensive answer for that smothering Raven D. I truly believe that neither offense will be able to put up major yardage, and that field position will be critical, as field goals will constitute most of the scoring. As I thought in the past three games, Ed Reed makes a difference for the Quothers, and will add one more nightmare for Kerry Collins’ Bad Ravens Experiences. And once again, Joey Flacco’s job is not to win the game on offense, just to manage it and not lose it on stupid turnovers. The line is –3 for the Titans, and I’m prepared to make this game a stone-cold mortal LOCK! Ravens straight up to proceed to the Championship game next Sunday!
ARID-ZONA @ CAROLINA
I know most of us have heard every media talking head and pundit break down this game in every imaginable way possible. Basically the contest pits a powerful AND prolific running team with an explosive element to the passing game, against a team that has relied almost exclusively on an air attack. What’s somewhat annoying is the so-called “experts” proclaiming Arid-Zona’s running game back after a “big” 73 yards from a washed-up Edgerrin James. That’s a total load of horses**t! 73 yards on the ground against THIS Panther team won’t amount to SQUAT! The weather conditions in this night game will greatly favour the running game, in which the Panthers lead the league in so many statistical categories, while the Cardy-noles are near the bottom in the same. It will be tough for Warner to fling the biscuit in the rain, which will be their only real chance for victory. The Panthers don’t have that handicap. They will control the line of scrimmage with the powerful road grading offensive line and with Stewilliams, and the game. And – they are rested and healthy. I’m cautiously optimistic that this game does NOT follow the formula of Week 8’s game- So is Vegas- They’ve given the home ‘Cats a humongous –10 point advantage here! Part of me seems to think it ridiculous, but we are NOT the Duckies, and the Cardy-Noles won’t SNIFF OUR snap count, and we’re at home. All of the matchups and statistics point to a blowout by the fourth quarter. Take the Cats and the big spread!
PHILTHYDELPHIA @ NY GEEEMEN
In Sunday’s first tilt, a much-anticipated rematch of bitter divisional opponents highlights the weekend’s games. Much of the sports media have jumped on the Fleegul bandwagon even though they STILL have a suspect rushing attack. Without the serious threat to run, the rested and healthy G’ints will blitz McSnabb relentlessly. Bryan Westbrook is NOT the punishing back that Brandon Jacobs is, although he’s dangerous in short passing situations because of what he can do after the catch. Don’t think the GeeMen have forgotten what Philthydelphia did to them in Week 14 – A healthy Jacobs makes a difference, no matter what Donavan McSnabb throws at them. Eli Manning won’t have to do much more than hand off the ball to his trio of excellent backs, and the Iggles wear down by the second half. Of course, I’d LOVE to see the Iggles win, because THAT guarantees that the NFC Championship game gets played at the BOFA! But I just don’t think the Giants get beat this Sunday, not in this game, not with so much at stake. The line is –4 for the GeeMen, and I’d implore you to take Big Blue.
SAN DIEGO @ PISSBURGH
The last ticket to the leagues’ Final Four gets punched at Heinz Field as the remarkable Chargers try to continue their torrid five-game winning streak, but this isn’t the Colt’s defense. But the fact that this isn’t the Colts’ yardage-eating offense does help the West Coast visitors. WorthlessBerger is sure to be blitzed and blitzed often, and if Willie Parkers’ running can be slowed, I’d expect this game to be a repeat of the Week 11 schlobberknocker. But at this stage of the season, like the Giants, I’m not feeling an upset here. I think Pissburgh’s defense makes a difference here, but I think the Chargers have enough fight in them to make this a close game, especially if they keep Big Ben on the run, and on the ropes. The Squeelers are favoured by –6, but I like the Chargers to cover.
There you go, FanZ, that’s a scrumptious quartet of picks for yer!
See y’all in the lot for a party worthy of The Tailgating Hall of Fame!
Gotta Comment?
E-mail me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
03 January, 2009
PLAYOFFS!!?? DON'T TALK ABOUT PLAYOFFS!! THE WEEKLY HANIDCAP AND PLAYOFF CLARIVOYANCES - ROUND 1
HAPPY NEW YEAR, FanZ!!!
And best of all, HAPPY PLAYOFFS!!!
I’m a day later than I wanted to be due to an angry confluence of a New Year’s hangover, company, a stout chest cold, and a long-dreaded move of my office.
But I’m back and ready to handicap the league’s first round games, and one could make a case for any of these teams meeting up with the Panthers during this Super Bowl Sweepstakes.
Once the debris of the regular season began to settle, I found it odd that ALL home teams were underdogs this weekend! Hmm. Not sure I agree. I now give my clairvoyance gland a kick and boot up and handicap this weekend’s games.
ATLANTA @ ARID-ZONA
This afternoon finds the red-hot Duckies invading the home turf of the Cardy-noles. While Atlanta has built an impressive 11-5 record, they’ve done it with a strong running game led by you-know-who, and an electrifying passing attack led by you-know-who. I’m sick of just hearing about them. But what the Duckie’s DON’T have is a playoff defense, and THIS Cardy-nole team, with the seasoned veteran Warner at the controls, have the potential to fling the biscuit all over the Duckie’s 24th ranked defense. While the Cardy-noles don’t have a particularly good D, they DO rank in the middle of the NFL’s run defense standings. They may be able to blunt Turner’s rush enough to force passing situations. Plus, on offense, Warner has LOADS of playoff experience. The Duckies, in particular Mike Smith and Matty-Ryan? None. All this adds up to a highly entertaining shootout, that I think favours Arid-zona. The line opened at 2 ½, but has since dropped to a single point for the (&$)#&_@#_ Duckies. The Force stirs in me- A lead pipe lock-
Cardy-Noles straight up, and they will wait to find out their playoff flight path with the results of the Viking-Iggle tilt tomorrow.
INDIANAPOLIS @ SAN DIEGO
Tonight’s contest sets up a potentially exciting reunion between traditional conference rivals, who have met FOUR TIMES, including playoffs, the past two seasons, even though they are from different divisions. Given up for dead four weeks ago, The Bolts found their missing gear in a thrilling comeback victory over the wretched Chefs, and then won their next three. But the victory against the Broncoids last week came at a price- Key RB Tomlinson dinged his groin, and TE Gates messed up his ankle. Without these stalwarts on the Charger “O” at 100%, Rivers is going to have to find other targets for his bullets. One thing that may be a wild card for the Chargers will be diminutive RB Darren Sproles ( 5’6”) who might present a matchup problem. He’s been coming on quite strong as both a back and returner of late and may present a matchup problem for a defense that’s expecting LT. On the defense, the Colts have Freeney AND Sanders there, the Bolts DO NOT have Shawn Merriman. Both teams haven’t run particularly well, nor have they stopped it particularly well, but both teams absolutely FLING it! This, much like the Duckies-Cards game earlier, should be a massively entertaining shootout. It’s hard for me to pick against a healthy Peyton Manning and his relatively healthy teammates in the playoffs, no less. The Colts are favored by one in this game, and I’d be inclined to take it, and Manning finds out if a trip to SqueelTown or the Grand Ole Opry is their fate after tomorrow afternoon.
BALTY-MOORE @ MIAMI
This game is the first of two on the day that features three of the league’s hardest hitting defenses. It also features a miraculous comeback story, not only for the formely 1-15 Dolphins, but the formerly 6-10 Ravens. If not for the performance of Matt Ryan in Atlanta, Joey Flacco would be the recipient of the Rookie of the year award, and Coach Harbaugh, as far as I know, is still in the running for coach or the year, as is Miami coach Sporano. Both teams have performed well in all phases of the game this season, but the Ravens EXCELL defensively, and they make a difference in this game. They played earlier this year in Week 7 and Balty-Moore CRUSHED them and squeezed the Miami offense to one of their lowest offensive outputs all season. The overrated “Wildcat” formation won’t be a factor in the Dolphin gameplan, because the Ravens won’t be buying it. Flacco won’t have to do much, because Ray Lewis, Ed Reed and co. will do the heavy lifting here. Despite the success for Miami this season, they will have to build a defense AND offense that is more playoff caliber next season. The line is the heftiest of the weekend, at 3 ½. I firmly believe The Ravens duplicate their Week 7 success and go to Nashville, while punching the Colts’ SqueelTown ticket for them.
PHILTYDELPHIA @ MINI-SODA
The final Round One game features two of the top defenses in the NFL. Both have been particularly good at the run, but Philthy has been better at the blitz. When the old fossil Augustus was under center that may have been a liability, but the frequently mobile Tavaris Jackson’s legs might be able to escape it. The Iggles either can’t or WON’T run the ball under Andy Reid’s offense, but the run is the backbone of the Vikings’. If Jackson can utilize the presence of the run for more play-action, they might be able to beat that Iggle blitz, while focusing on Donavan McSnabb with their own decent pass rush, led by Jared Allen and Pat Williams, who ESCAPED the diuretic scandal (so far) this season. The keys for both teams will be patience on offense, and maniacal disruption on defense. Unlike the previous three games, this becomes a low-scoring defensive struggle, which to me favours the Vikings. Both teams have playmakers offensively, but in the playoffs, the ground attack tends to get you farther. Also, in a defensive game, the Vikings have the aptly-named Ryan LONGwell, who is a much better kicker than the Boids’ shaky Akers. The Vikes have a better run game, a vociferous home field advantage, and a date next Saturday night against the Panthers despite being a -3 point underdog at home.
So, according to my prognostication, which was running at 55 percent this year, next week’s matchups should be:
BALTY-MOORE @ TENNESSE Saturday
MINI-SODA @ CAROLINA Saturday
ARID-ZONA @ NY GEEMEN Sunday
INDIANAPOLIS @ PISSBURGH Sunday
There we go, Fanz! Enjoy the playoff weekend, and prepare to convene in the lot for perhaps the WILDEST tailgate of the existence of PantherFanz!
Gotta Comment?
E-mail me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
And best of all, HAPPY PLAYOFFS!!!
I’m a day later than I wanted to be due to an angry confluence of a New Year’s hangover, company, a stout chest cold, and a long-dreaded move of my office.
But I’m back and ready to handicap the league’s first round games, and one could make a case for any of these teams meeting up with the Panthers during this Super Bowl Sweepstakes.
Once the debris of the regular season began to settle, I found it odd that ALL home teams were underdogs this weekend! Hmm. Not sure I agree. I now give my clairvoyance gland a kick and boot up and handicap this weekend’s games.
ATLANTA @ ARID-ZONA
This afternoon finds the red-hot Duckies invading the home turf of the Cardy-noles. While Atlanta has built an impressive 11-5 record, they’ve done it with a strong running game led by you-know-who, and an electrifying passing attack led by you-know-who. I’m sick of just hearing about them. But what the Duckie’s DON’T have is a playoff defense, and THIS Cardy-nole team, with the seasoned veteran Warner at the controls, have the potential to fling the biscuit all over the Duckie’s 24th ranked defense. While the Cardy-noles don’t have a particularly good D, they DO rank in the middle of the NFL’s run defense standings. They may be able to blunt Turner’s rush enough to force passing situations. Plus, on offense, Warner has LOADS of playoff experience. The Duckies, in particular Mike Smith and Matty-Ryan? None. All this adds up to a highly entertaining shootout, that I think favours Arid-zona. The line opened at 2 ½, but has since dropped to a single point for the (&$)#&_@#_ Duckies. The Force stirs in me- A lead pipe lock-
Cardy-Noles straight up, and they will wait to find out their playoff flight path with the results of the Viking-Iggle tilt tomorrow.
INDIANAPOLIS @ SAN DIEGO
Tonight’s contest sets up a potentially exciting reunion between traditional conference rivals, who have met FOUR TIMES, including playoffs, the past two seasons, even though they are from different divisions. Given up for dead four weeks ago, The Bolts found their missing gear in a thrilling comeback victory over the wretched Chefs, and then won their next three. But the victory against the Broncoids last week came at a price- Key RB Tomlinson dinged his groin, and TE Gates messed up his ankle. Without these stalwarts on the Charger “O” at 100%, Rivers is going to have to find other targets for his bullets. One thing that may be a wild card for the Chargers will be diminutive RB Darren Sproles ( 5’6”) who might present a matchup problem. He’s been coming on quite strong as both a back and returner of late and may present a matchup problem for a defense that’s expecting LT. On the defense, the Colts have Freeney AND Sanders there, the Bolts DO NOT have Shawn Merriman. Both teams haven’t run particularly well, nor have they stopped it particularly well, but both teams absolutely FLING it! This, much like the Duckies-Cards game earlier, should be a massively entertaining shootout. It’s hard for me to pick against a healthy Peyton Manning and his relatively healthy teammates in the playoffs, no less. The Colts are favored by one in this game, and I’d be inclined to take it, and Manning finds out if a trip to SqueelTown or the Grand Ole Opry is their fate after tomorrow afternoon.
BALTY-MOORE @ MIAMI
This game is the first of two on the day that features three of the league’s hardest hitting defenses. It also features a miraculous comeback story, not only for the formely 1-15 Dolphins, but the formerly 6-10 Ravens. If not for the performance of Matt Ryan in Atlanta, Joey Flacco would be the recipient of the Rookie of the year award, and Coach Harbaugh, as far as I know, is still in the running for coach or the year, as is Miami coach Sporano. Both teams have performed well in all phases of the game this season, but the Ravens EXCELL defensively, and they make a difference in this game. They played earlier this year in Week 7 and Balty-Moore CRUSHED them and squeezed the Miami offense to one of their lowest offensive outputs all season. The overrated “Wildcat” formation won’t be a factor in the Dolphin gameplan, because the Ravens won’t be buying it. Flacco won’t have to do much, because Ray Lewis, Ed Reed and co. will do the heavy lifting here. Despite the success for Miami this season, they will have to build a defense AND offense that is more playoff caliber next season. The line is the heftiest of the weekend, at 3 ½. I firmly believe The Ravens duplicate their Week 7 success and go to Nashville, while punching the Colts’ SqueelTown ticket for them.
PHILTYDELPHIA @ MINI-SODA
The final Round One game features two of the top defenses in the NFL. Both have been particularly good at the run, but Philthy has been better at the blitz. When the old fossil Augustus was under center that may have been a liability, but the frequently mobile Tavaris Jackson’s legs might be able to escape it. The Iggles either can’t or WON’T run the ball under Andy Reid’s offense, but the run is the backbone of the Vikings’. If Jackson can utilize the presence of the run for more play-action, they might be able to beat that Iggle blitz, while focusing on Donavan McSnabb with their own decent pass rush, led by Jared Allen and Pat Williams, who ESCAPED the diuretic scandal (so far) this season. The keys for both teams will be patience on offense, and maniacal disruption on defense. Unlike the previous three games, this becomes a low-scoring defensive struggle, which to me favours the Vikings. Both teams have playmakers offensively, but in the playoffs, the ground attack tends to get you farther. Also, in a defensive game, the Vikings have the aptly-named Ryan LONGwell, who is a much better kicker than the Boids’ shaky Akers. The Vikes have a better run game, a vociferous home field advantage, and a date next Saturday night against the Panthers despite being a -3 point underdog at home.
So, according to my prognostication, which was running at 55 percent this year, next week’s matchups should be:
BALTY-MOORE @ TENNESSE Saturday
MINI-SODA @ CAROLINA Saturday
ARID-ZONA @ NY GEEMEN Sunday
INDIANAPOLIS @ PISSBURGH Sunday
There we go, Fanz! Enjoy the playoff weekend, and prepare to convene in the lot for perhaps the WILDEST tailgate of the existence of PantherFanz!
Gotta Comment?
E-mail me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
28 December, 2008
PARTY IN THE LOT- BY A FIELD GOAL!
December 28, 2008
It almost felt like a pre-arranged agreement between the two NFC South opponents. One, with a DOMININANT running game, and a complimentary passing game with an all-world wide receiver, and the other with a passing game that could whoop the Klingon Empire All-Stars, but with a defense that couldn’t stop a bucket of Tribbles. And the star QB needed enough yards to beat the record of a Hall-of Famer. At first, it appeared that arrangement was put on hold, but once Foxy felt that 20 points was enough, he’d have Turkey-Vac pull in the leash of that “deadly” pass rush “koff-koff” and give o’l Brees enough yards to down Danny-Boy’s single season passing record. BUT-
Someone forgot to tell Foxy that they MIGHT try to win the damn thing!
Ok, I know most of you don’t believe that horse-hockey. I don’t either. But from a certain vantage point, it sure SEEMED that way! But THIS edition of the Carolina Panthers has been impervious to the opponent’s rally. In almost every game, all year. Mini-Soda had the lead early in the second half. Tampa had us from kickoff. The Duckies as well. And but for karma’s capricious breath at the end of the Giants game, we could add them to the rally-buster tally. When Brees found his boy Lance Moore in the end zone for the tying score with mere minutes left, I felt a little anxious, but the strength of the ’08 Panthers was about to take the field.
That’s right. THE OFFENSE.
And right on cue, y’all saw what happened. And as befitting the sole remaining Original Panther, John Kasay made his FIRST game winning kick of the year. That’s right. His FIRST of the year! Look it up if you don’t believe me. He hasn’t had to do that ONCE this season. That’s very telling about this year’s team. There’s no question in my mind that this collection of athletes wearing the Panther silver, blue and black with enough time at the end of the game, can always put themselves in position to win. ESPECIALLY if that cagey Cajun wearing #17 is moving these fellas down the field. And that “little” dude wearing #89 is there to catch those Tommy-John enhanced missiles. Don’t forget, there’s that mercurial #87 there, too, who was CLUTCH today.
But there’s a glaring weakness on this team, and it prevents full Fox-Ball from being played, and now, there’s no fixing it. You know what I’m gettin’ ready to say, so I’m not going to belabor the point. Our defense is NOT Super Bowl caliber. Our offense IS. So, Wildman has his mint condition ’68 Chevelle washed, waxed, gassed up and ready to take Sweetie to the holiday ball – BUT – The heater’s on the blink, and Sweetie will have to bundle up on the way to the big dance. Not to mention Wildman. But he wouldn’t think of havin’ to set Sweetie in that beat-up pickup of his, so he’s got to run wut he brung. As it goes with Fox and this team. Even with the two weeks rest, this defense at BEST is good enough only to blunt a strong offensive attack. It is what it is, friends. Only draft and free agency next year is helping this unit. So whaddya do, Foxy? Huh? Huh? Huh?
You may have thought of this, Foxy, but USE YOUR OFFENSE AS YOUR DEFENSE! We’ve got the massive line, the blocking receivers and tight ends, the ballsy QB and the powerful SteWilliams. If we’re gashing the Duckies/Fleeguls/Cardy-Noles/Vikings for time-gobbling drives of 6,7,8 minutes, we’re giving the defense time to rest, and keeping the offense from finding a rhythm. And there is NO QB on the playoff rolls in the conference that is equal to Drew Brees, and that INCLUDES Kurt Warner. NO ONE, and that includes the mighty GEEEEEMen, has been able to stop Stewilliams OR Moose and Squirr- uh, Smitty. As long as Jake doesn’t turn the ball over, this is a very distinct game plan with a great chance of success. And history has shown that THIS is Jake’s time. He’ll deliver, for sure. And, here’s the big part-
We’re at HOME.
Where we’re 8-0, and the budding 12th man is learning how to cheer for this team. Whos’ teams fans are coming en-masse to our house come January 10th? See that list from the last paragraph to get an ideer. That’s right. The stadium should be FULL of noisy Panther fans for yet another terrific night game.
And the lucky few there will have lubricated themselves in the Cedar Street Lot where Bus Master James has parked the mighty Panther Party Prowler, and Head Coach Dano has fired up the legendary “JoKer Smoker”, and the rest of you lovable PantherFanz have joined us for a cherished playoff tailgate party.
We got two weeks to salivate, anticipate, and dream!
Captain Foxy’s left the scattered debris of the NFC South dreadnoughts to float in the space of the regular season, now consigned to the history books. Defensive Engineer Turkey-Vac tinkers with the shields, but he’s got some time, as the XO Davidson has the phaser banks at full strength, and the maxium compliment of photon torpedos ready to fire!
The Super Bowl awaits, Fanz! Engage the Panther Drive!
Stay tuned, I’ll be back later in the week with the first playoff handicap-
Gotta Comment?
E-mail me, The Cedar Street Seer (who went 8 correct out of 12 for the playoff teams, and 12-4 for the final week of handicapping!)
CaptnTee@aol.com
It almost felt like a pre-arranged agreement between the two NFC South opponents. One, with a DOMININANT running game, and a complimentary passing game with an all-world wide receiver, and the other with a passing game that could whoop the Klingon Empire All-Stars, but with a defense that couldn’t stop a bucket of Tribbles. And the star QB needed enough yards to beat the record of a Hall-of Famer. At first, it appeared that arrangement was put on hold, but once Foxy felt that 20 points was enough, he’d have Turkey-Vac pull in the leash of that “deadly” pass rush “koff-koff” and give o’l Brees enough yards to down Danny-Boy’s single season passing record. BUT-
Someone forgot to tell Foxy that they MIGHT try to win the damn thing!
Ok, I know most of you don’t believe that horse-hockey. I don’t either. But from a certain vantage point, it sure SEEMED that way! But THIS edition of the Carolina Panthers has been impervious to the opponent’s rally. In almost every game, all year. Mini-Soda had the lead early in the second half. Tampa had us from kickoff. The Duckies as well. And but for karma’s capricious breath at the end of the Giants game, we could add them to the rally-buster tally. When Brees found his boy Lance Moore in the end zone for the tying score with mere minutes left, I felt a little anxious, but the strength of the ’08 Panthers was about to take the field.
That’s right. THE OFFENSE.
And right on cue, y’all saw what happened. And as befitting the sole remaining Original Panther, John Kasay made his FIRST game winning kick of the year. That’s right. His FIRST of the year! Look it up if you don’t believe me. He hasn’t had to do that ONCE this season. That’s very telling about this year’s team. There’s no question in my mind that this collection of athletes wearing the Panther silver, blue and black with enough time at the end of the game, can always put themselves in position to win. ESPECIALLY if that cagey Cajun wearing #17 is moving these fellas down the field. And that “little” dude wearing #89 is there to catch those Tommy-John enhanced missiles. Don’t forget, there’s that mercurial #87 there, too, who was CLUTCH today.
But there’s a glaring weakness on this team, and it prevents full Fox-Ball from being played, and now, there’s no fixing it. You know what I’m gettin’ ready to say, so I’m not going to belabor the point. Our defense is NOT Super Bowl caliber. Our offense IS. So, Wildman has his mint condition ’68 Chevelle washed, waxed, gassed up and ready to take Sweetie to the holiday ball – BUT – The heater’s on the blink, and Sweetie will have to bundle up on the way to the big dance. Not to mention Wildman. But he wouldn’t think of havin’ to set Sweetie in that beat-up pickup of his, so he’s got to run wut he brung. As it goes with Fox and this team. Even with the two weeks rest, this defense at BEST is good enough only to blunt a strong offensive attack. It is what it is, friends. Only draft and free agency next year is helping this unit. So whaddya do, Foxy? Huh? Huh? Huh?
You may have thought of this, Foxy, but USE YOUR OFFENSE AS YOUR DEFENSE! We’ve got the massive line, the blocking receivers and tight ends, the ballsy QB and the powerful SteWilliams. If we’re gashing the Duckies/Fleeguls/Cardy-Noles/Vikings for time-gobbling drives of 6,7,8 minutes, we’re giving the defense time to rest, and keeping the offense from finding a rhythm. And there is NO QB on the playoff rolls in the conference that is equal to Drew Brees, and that INCLUDES Kurt Warner. NO ONE, and that includes the mighty GEEEEEMen, has been able to stop Stewilliams OR Moose and Squirr- uh, Smitty. As long as Jake doesn’t turn the ball over, this is a very distinct game plan with a great chance of success. And history has shown that THIS is Jake’s time. He’ll deliver, for sure. And, here’s the big part-
We’re at HOME.
Where we’re 8-0, and the budding 12th man is learning how to cheer for this team. Whos’ teams fans are coming en-masse to our house come January 10th? See that list from the last paragraph to get an ideer. That’s right. The stadium should be FULL of noisy Panther fans for yet another terrific night game.
And the lucky few there will have lubricated themselves in the Cedar Street Lot where Bus Master James has parked the mighty Panther Party Prowler, and Head Coach Dano has fired up the legendary “JoKer Smoker”, and the rest of you lovable PantherFanz have joined us for a cherished playoff tailgate party.
We got two weeks to salivate, anticipate, and dream!
Captain Foxy’s left the scattered debris of the NFC South dreadnoughts to float in the space of the regular season, now consigned to the history books. Defensive Engineer Turkey-Vac tinkers with the shields, but he’s got some time, as the XO Davidson has the phaser banks at full strength, and the maxium compliment of photon torpedos ready to fire!
The Super Bowl awaits, Fanz! Engage the Panther Drive!
Stay tuned, I’ll be back later in the week with the first playoff handicap-
Gotta Comment?
E-mail me, The Cedar Street Seer (who went 8 correct out of 12 for the playoff teams, and 12-4 for the final week of handicapping!)
CaptnTee@aol.com
26 December, 2008
THE WEEKLY HANDICAP AND OTHER CLARIVOYANCES - WEEK 17
December 26th, 2008
Well, I hope every one had a nice holiday- We’ve got a few more days until the drudgery of January comes in earnest- BUT! For 12 NFL teams, ONE of them being the Carolina Panthers, January will be quite an exciting month! For the six teams that already have their playoff ticket punched, there’s palpitations and anticipation galore! And I’m not counting YOU, Arid-Zona Cardy-Noles. We now come to the end of the regular season, and as befits this most entertaining season in years, there are 10, count ‘em, 10 contests CRITICAL to playoff seeding or to simply making it! Last week I tailed off a bit, going 7-8, but I’m confident in finishing the season with a flourish! Before I dig into the handicap, let me review the playoff standings-
AFC DIVISION LEADERS
TENNESSEE – AFC SOUTH CHAMPION #1 SEED 13-2
PISSBURGH - AFC NORRIS CHAMPION #2 SEED 12-3
MIAMI/NEW ENGLANDLAND 10-5
DENVER- 8-6
AFC WILD CARD
INDIANAPOLIS - #5 SEED 11-4
BALTY-MOORE 10-5
AFC STILL ALIVE
NY BRETS 9-6
SAD DIEGO 7-8
AFC CLINCHING OPTIONS
TENNESSE, PISSBURGH & INDIANAPOLIS all locked in respective seeds
BALTY-MOORE- Clinches #6 seed with a win OR a New EnglandLand loss.
MIAMI – Clinches the AFC East with a win, clinches #6 seed with a TIE AND a Balty-moore loss and New EnglandLand win. Will be eliminated with a loss.
NY BRETS – Clinches the AFC East with a win AND a NewEnglandLand loss.
NEW ENGLANDLAND – Clinches the AFC East with a win AND a Miami loss.
DENVER – Clinches the AFC Worst with a win OR a tie. Will be eliminated with a loss.
SAD DIEGO – Clinches the AFC Worst with a win. Will be eliminated with a loss.
NFC DIVISION LEADERS
NY GEEMEN – NFC EAST CHAMPION & #1 SEED 12-3
CAROLINA PANTHERS - 11-4
MINI-SODA - 9-6
ARID-ZONA– NFC WORST CHAMPION & #4 SEED 8-7
NFC WILD CARD
ATLANTA - 10-5
TAMPA BAY - 9-6
NFC STILL ALIVE
DALLAS - 9-6
CHICAGO - 9-6
PHILTHYDELPHIA - 8-6-1
NFC CLINCHING OPTIONS-
NY & ARID-ZONA are locked into their respective seeds. CAROLINA and ATLANTA have clinched playoff berths.
CAROLINA – Clinches the NFC South and #2 seed with win OR tie.
ATLANTA - Clinches the NFC South and #2 seed with win. Clinches #5 seed with Dallas loss. At worst #6 seed.
TAMPA – Clinches #6 seed with win and Dallas loss. Will be eliminated with a loss.
MINI-SODA – Clinches NFC Norris division with a win OR a Chicago loss.
CHICAGO – Clinches NFC Norris division with a win AND a Mini-Soda loss. Clinches the #6 seed with a win, and Tampa AND Dallas loss. Will be eliminated with a loss.
DALLAS- Clinches #6 seed with win. Eliminated with a loss.
PHILTHYDELPHIA- Clinches #6 seed with a win AND a Tampa, Mini-Soda AND Chicago loss. Will be eliminated with a loss.
And with that- Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere we go!
CrOAKLAND @ TAMPA BAY
Four weeks ago, it was inconceivable that the Bucs would be on the threshold of missing the playoffs, but three consecutive losses later, here they are, in the first of the “Critical 10-pack”. To tell the truth, the once – heralded defense collapsed against the run. The good news is that the upcoming opponent SUCKS at the run. The bad news is that their defense is actually pretty decent, particularly against the pass. I’m anticipating a low-scoring game, and that line of -13 for the Bucs is ridiculous. There’s no doubt in my mind that Tampa wins, but believe it or not, I like the Schraiders to cover against those banged-up Buckies, who await the 4:15 games to find out their playoff status. Figure that.
DETROIT @ GREEN BAY
There’s no question in my mind that every NFL fan, and even the dispassionate observer will be interested in this game that will be infamous in the very worst of ways. The Lye-uns are on the cusp of going 0-16. The Packers have been one of the leagues’ greatest disappointments, despite the great play of Favre’s successor, Aaron Rogers. For this game, there is plenty motivation to play well on both sides, but as things have gone for the entire year for Detroit, I don’t expect the result to be any different. I don’t think there’s been a single time this season when I’ve picked the Leos to even COVER, that they’ve done so. I won’t even muster any holiday sprit to give them that again. The line is -9 for the Packers, and I’m leaning that way, despite the long injury report for the Pack. Detroit becomes one of the massive train-wreck stories of the new century.
DALLAS @ PHILTYDELPHIA
In the second of the “Critical 10-pack”, these two storied rivals renew the tussle at The Linc. The Iggles let a gift game fly from their grasp last week against the punchless DeadSkins, and this is the last stand for both teams. The Cowpuppies have been maddeningly inconsistent in all phases of the game this season. Philthy has also been struggling, and this should be a similar slugfest to the game last week. If Brian Westbrook gets enough touches to slow down the pass rush, Donavan McSnabb should be able to move the chains enough to keep Romo the Homo and his whiny prima donna receivers off the field. The Eagle “D” is still very active and hard hitting, and I have a feeling they will be at their best this week. The team historically HATES the Cowbabies, almost as bad as their Neanderthal fans do. The Linc will be loud, and even though the playoff die will be cast by kickoff, the Iggles will be fired up. Philthy is favoured by -1 ½, and I’d encourage you to take them, and watch the CowGirls perform a December collapse one more time.
NY GEEMEN @ MINI-SODA
In #3 of the 10-pack, The Vikings host the #1 seed in a game that one would think would be a Christmas present from Tom Coughlin to the Vikes. Not so fast. I firmly belive that the G’ints would want to play their starters for a fair portion of the game, to keep them in game shape. But let’s be real. It would be foolish for the team to risk injury at this juncture of the season, and I would expect the second string to come in by the second half. The Vikings HAVE to have this game, and I think they’ll give a better effort this week. But these backups for the GeeMen have a lot to play for as well, as the scouting departments for many teams will be looking at these players in the offseason, and this is their audition. There’s no doubt that the fight in the Vikings will be bigger than the G’ints on this day, but the GeeMen will still be playing ball, and I like NY to cover the +6 ½ points.
CHICAGO @ HOUSTON
Game #4 features a Texans team that’s starting to get its act together, despite losing at wretched CrOakland last week. They are seriously motivated to end the season on a winning note and once again go into the offseason as the league’s biggest tease. Da Bears, on the other hand, are in desperate need of a win. The bad news is that the offense, their team strength in this season, is rapidly slacking off in production. The defense is aging and nothing like the Midway Monsters they were back in ’05. I think the Texans will be more than ready for anything Da Bears throw at them. They’ll be at home, and the Texans will end the playoff story for Chicago this day. Take the Texans and the 2 ½ points.
CAROLINA @ NEW ORLEANS
In Game #5, an angry Panthers team looks to correct some procedure flaws against the disappointing Saints, who, despite being an offensive juggernaut, surrendered points and yardage in huge amounts this season. The storyline is clear- Drew Brees needs 400 yards to eclipse Dan Marino’s single season record for passing yardage. And as I said in my last rant, the team will be obliging that goal. That makes the defensive game plan easy for the Panthers – Rush Brees as much as possible and disrupt those passing lanes, as the Saints WILL NOT beat these ‘Cats on the ground, despite Pierre Thomas’ emergence as a quality back. Offensively, the Panthers look to have a great deal of success running the ball. If they were able to gash the Mighty GEEMen for 156 yards last week, I can imagine what they’ll do against the feeble Saints. They will keep the ball from Brees enough to keep this contest from morphing into a shootout. The Panthers are banged up a bit on the defensive line, but they’ll be strong enough to contain New Orleans, especially if Julius Peppers can turn himself loose, as I’m expecting to happen. Take the Panthers and the -3 points, and we crowd the lot in two weeks.
ST LOOEY @ ATLANTA
The most improbable of seasons for the Duckies reaches the end of its first chapter this week with the closest thing to a “gimme” against the Lambs, AT The Pond. Mike Smith has taken a group of centerpiece players, and created a team that is not only competitive, but winning. Sorry, Panther, Buc and Saints fans, we will be dealing with these *$^%@#&*%+% for years now. The Lambs get to deal with them this Sunday. With a playoff berth wrapped up, do you imagine the Duckies would be overconfident and complacent? Not on your life. With a chance to usurp rival Carolina for the #2 seed, I’d expect them to beat St. Looey WORSE than a rented mule. It’s the biggest line of the week, at -15 for the Duckies, and I don’t see any scenario where they don’t cover. Sucks, but I’d take Atlanta.
KANSAS CITY @ CINCINATTAH
Great. The Bungles start playing better ball at the end of the season, with the equally wretched Chefs coming to town. With nothing to play for except jobs in the anticipated post-season house cleaning on the horizion, I’d expect the best game out of both teams. Unfortunately, the best game is below the NFL average for these guys. KC’s “D” is among the league’s worst, and I’d expect the Bungles to move on them. Likewise, the Chef’s new-found Thigpen-led attack should be able to gash Cincinattah as well. I’m anticipating a highly entertaining shoot-out for the holiday visitors sitting in the Paul Brown Stadium stands. I don’t have a strong feeling one way or the other in this game, but I’d lean to the home Bungles by -3.
JACKSONVILLE @ BALTY-MOORE
Game #7 in the delectable smorgasbord of Week 17 “BIG GAMES” finds the major disappointing Jaggy-whyers coming to the Capital of Chesapeake for an expected fanny-whoopin. The Ravens are uber-confident after trashing the Cowbabies’ final game at the Stadium With The Hole In The Roof, and there’s no reason to think they wouldn’t be fired up with the final playoff spot firmly in their grasp. They are superior in every phase of the game right now, and they will have a laser-beam focus this Sunday. This is the mortal stone-cold-lead-pipe LOCK OF THE WEEK – Quothers by -12 ½!
TENNESSEE @ INDIANAPOLIS
With their seedings set, this game pretty much amounts to a pre-season game in its personnel. While I’d expect the starters to play a series or two, both coaches want to go into the playoffs healthy, and this could be the yawner of the day, and the toughest to handicap. The Titans are favoured, but I like Indy at home by the +3 points. Just ‘cause.
CLEVELANDLAND @ PISSBURGH
Although they’ve clinched the #2 seed, the Squeelers rushing attack remains a concern for the team. A weak Brownies team would be a good place to start patching that up, but the postseason remains problematic for that phase of their game. While Awfulsberger and Co. can expect to start the game, I’d think much of the reserves will be playing the second half. For a season full of high expectations, ClevelandLand would like nothing better than this season to end as quickly as possible. For a game that has all indications of going ugly right away, I’m hesitiant to pull the trigger on a 10 ½ point line, but this is the proud and nasty and ANGRY Squeeler team, at HOME, and these are the beat-up disjointed Brownies. With a dead Crennell walking. Take the Squeelers and the -10 ½.
MIAMI @ NY BRETS
Ahhhh, but for the Denver/Sad Diego game in primetime, this would be the 18 oz. Porterhouse on the NFL menu this Sunday! Actually, it still could be, if we could imagine that Hoculi-less tilt in So. Cal to be a snifter of 100- year old brandy and a brace of Cuban hand-rolled cigars! Oh, dude, I’m just salivating now! Back to the contest- This game #8 in the critical 10-pack has it all – stars, jilted stars, overrated stars in the twilight of their career, reclamation stars, a long-time historic rivalry, fate, irony, and stark, in-your-face KARMA. All of which has the potential of trumping mere X’s and O’s. All of a sudden, the BRETS’ stout defense has gotten feeble, and Favre seems to no longer be able to throw those incredible deep balls he once did. The team as a whole has looked below average since their road upset of the previously undefeated Titans in Week 12. But for a fortuitous fumble return against Beefalo two weeks ago; this is a team with playoff hopes extinguished. In the meantime, Miami has a strong defense and rushing attack, and Chad Pennington has been a great game manager this season. I’d suspect he’d go after the BRETS’ suspect defensive backfield, and Henning will be sure to unleash his “Wildcat” on Jenkins and Co. If I’m Mangini, I’d lean on Thomas Jones to attack that gap in the linebackers due to chief run-stopper Chan Crowder’s absence, and limit Favre’s role in the offensive game plan. To me, that’s their best chance of avoiding the embarrassment of a final home game upset at the hands of the arch-rival Dolphins. Vegas has given the home BRETS -3 points- The Cedar Street Seer says wrong team favoured- Take the NFC EAST CHAMPION MIAMI DOLPHINS straight up!
NEW ENGLANDLAND @ BUFFALO
But for the interest of a few pockets of Northwest NY, Massachusetts, Vermont, Connect-ti-cut, Rhode Island and New Hampshire, this #9 game is WAY overshadowed by the Miami/BRETS monster tilt. The Pastry-Rots are playing great ball to end the season, and a great reflection of Dr. Cheatin’-Chick’s coaching prowess. The Bills showed a lot of fight against a weenie-pop defense in Mile High Stadium last week, but these New EnglandLanders are playing to stave off elimination, and they are NOT Denver’s wilting defense. Buffalo will want to play hard for Dickie Jauron, but it won’t be enough. I think they are overmatched by an inspired Patsie club, who will overcome them late. And the cruel, cruel reality for New EnglandLand is that even a victory may not be enough, and for only the second time in recent NFL history, an 11-5 team misses the playoffs. The line is -6 ½ for the visitors, who I’d lean to.
SEATTLE @ ARID-ZONA
Euuuuucccchhhhhh. This is a game I’m hatin’ to call. I knew the wretched, wounded SeaDoggies would fight hard for exiting Mike Holmgren, and I knew the Cardy-noles would be a smear on the Gillette Stadium field. So here we are in the confluence of final game blahs, the once mighty- Sea Dawgs ending a most forgettable season, against a Cardy-noles team that took until Week 14 to claim a awful, pestilent division, feasting on the other miserably weak divisional opponents, while getting clobbered by the rest of the league. All the good flowery things I said about the team after the game against the Panthers? I take it back. They will be the playoff’s first casualty. Going into the contest, it’s clear to me, on paper, that Arid-Zona has the better talent. That hasn’t equaled wins at this juncture of the season, and without a serviceable run game, makes handicapping a Cardy-Noles game a bit easier. I like the size of the fight in the Sea Dawgs right now, and I like for them to cover the +6 points, and after next week, no one will be talking about the Arid-Zona Cardy-Noles until the ’09 NFL draft.
WARSHINGTOON @ SAN FRANCISCO
An important part of Forty-Niner history took place this week, and it may have gone unnoticed by many of us- Niner ownership has announced it will consider lifting the “interim” tag from Samurai Singletary, and make him the new head coach. Bravo. BRAVO, I say! In my opinion, I believe this is a move, if coupled with some other good personnel and player moves, will reap great benefit for the team. This group of players has already shown they’ll fight hard for him – imagine what he’d do with some SERIOUS talent! On this Sunday, Mike gets to make his final case for sealing the deal. The DeadSkins are just like that indicting nickname. They end the season as they began it. Adequate on defense, listless on offense. The Niners are favoured by -3 at home, and that’s good for me. Niners finish on an up note, and serve notice to the Cardy-Noles for next season.
DENVER @ SAN DIEGO
As I pointed out earlier in the post, after getting fat and gorged on prime NFL contests all day, the regular season ends with an indescribable brandy and pungent delectable stogies! This is DEFINING NFL karma of the BEST KIND!
After the cruel game-rape applied by Ed Hoculi in Week 2, it seemed improbable that the flow of the season would lead here after the enigmatic Broncoids had a perceptibly insurmountable 3 game division lead! But, to our great fortune, San Diego got out of the doldrums, played inspired, if not great, ball, and meanwhile, the league figured out the wretched Broncoid defense while dismantling their one- prong offensive attack. The math is simple in this game. The winner claims the division and #4 seed. The loser is out. For me, this call is easy. A seemingly listless Buffalo team gashed the Broncoids at home, exposing every Denver flaw. The Chargers shocked the Bucs right under the shadows of that cool pirate ship. At this point of the season, the Bolts are better than the Broncoids in every phase. Can you see where I’m going with this? Vegas does. A whopping -9 points go to the Chargers. And they will be convincing in handing the Broncoids a crushing, demoralizing defeat. And Shanahan will have to explain to Pat Bowlen how he let the playoffs escape the certain jaws of victory and persuade one more season out of the disgusted Denver ownership.
There it is fanz, the final prognostication of a fantastic regular season! While I haven’t been quite as spectacular as the games, I’m still guaranteed a winning record in my inaugural! I’d like to thank all of you who’ve read the rantz and prognostications and commented, good or bad. It’s been fun and I look forward to doing this for the playoffs right up to February! I hope to see many of you at someone’s willing abode for Sunday’s Mega-Tilt!
Last week - 7-8
Season - 110-94
Gotta Comment?
E-mail me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
Well, I hope every one had a nice holiday- We’ve got a few more days until the drudgery of January comes in earnest- BUT! For 12 NFL teams, ONE of them being the Carolina Panthers, January will be quite an exciting month! For the six teams that already have their playoff ticket punched, there’s palpitations and anticipation galore! And I’m not counting YOU, Arid-Zona Cardy-Noles. We now come to the end of the regular season, and as befits this most entertaining season in years, there are 10, count ‘em, 10 contests CRITICAL to playoff seeding or to simply making it! Last week I tailed off a bit, going 7-8, but I’m confident in finishing the season with a flourish! Before I dig into the handicap, let me review the playoff standings-
AFC DIVISION LEADERS
TENNESSEE – AFC SOUTH CHAMPION #1 SEED 13-2
PISSBURGH - AFC NORRIS CHAMPION #2 SEED 12-3
MIAMI/NEW ENGLANDLAND 10-5
DENVER- 8-6
AFC WILD CARD
INDIANAPOLIS - #5 SEED 11-4
BALTY-MOORE 10-5
AFC STILL ALIVE
NY BRETS 9-6
SAD DIEGO 7-8
AFC CLINCHING OPTIONS
TENNESSE, PISSBURGH & INDIANAPOLIS all locked in respective seeds
BALTY-MOORE- Clinches #6 seed with a win OR a New EnglandLand loss.
MIAMI – Clinches the AFC East with a win, clinches #6 seed with a TIE AND a Balty-moore loss and New EnglandLand win. Will be eliminated with a loss.
NY BRETS – Clinches the AFC East with a win AND a NewEnglandLand loss.
NEW ENGLANDLAND – Clinches the AFC East with a win AND a Miami loss.
DENVER – Clinches the AFC Worst with a win OR a tie. Will be eliminated with a loss.
SAD DIEGO – Clinches the AFC Worst with a win. Will be eliminated with a loss.
NFC DIVISION LEADERS
NY GEEMEN – NFC EAST CHAMPION & #1 SEED 12-3
CAROLINA PANTHERS - 11-4
MINI-SODA - 9-6
ARID-ZONA– NFC WORST CHAMPION & #4 SEED 8-7
NFC WILD CARD
ATLANTA - 10-5
TAMPA BAY - 9-6
NFC STILL ALIVE
DALLAS - 9-6
CHICAGO - 9-6
PHILTHYDELPHIA - 8-6-1
NFC CLINCHING OPTIONS-
NY & ARID-ZONA are locked into their respective seeds. CAROLINA and ATLANTA have clinched playoff berths.
CAROLINA – Clinches the NFC South and #2 seed with win OR tie.
ATLANTA - Clinches the NFC South and #2 seed with win. Clinches #5 seed with Dallas loss. At worst #6 seed.
TAMPA – Clinches #6 seed with win and Dallas loss. Will be eliminated with a loss.
MINI-SODA – Clinches NFC Norris division with a win OR a Chicago loss.
CHICAGO – Clinches NFC Norris division with a win AND a Mini-Soda loss. Clinches the #6 seed with a win, and Tampa AND Dallas loss. Will be eliminated with a loss.
DALLAS- Clinches #6 seed with win. Eliminated with a loss.
PHILTHYDELPHIA- Clinches #6 seed with a win AND a Tampa, Mini-Soda AND Chicago loss. Will be eliminated with a loss.
And with that- Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere we go!
CrOAKLAND @ TAMPA BAY
Four weeks ago, it was inconceivable that the Bucs would be on the threshold of missing the playoffs, but three consecutive losses later, here they are, in the first of the “Critical 10-pack”. To tell the truth, the once – heralded defense collapsed against the run. The good news is that the upcoming opponent SUCKS at the run. The bad news is that their defense is actually pretty decent, particularly against the pass. I’m anticipating a low-scoring game, and that line of -13 for the Bucs is ridiculous. There’s no doubt in my mind that Tampa wins, but believe it or not, I like the Schraiders to cover against those banged-up Buckies, who await the 4:15 games to find out their playoff status. Figure that.
DETROIT @ GREEN BAY
There’s no question in my mind that every NFL fan, and even the dispassionate observer will be interested in this game that will be infamous in the very worst of ways. The Lye-uns are on the cusp of going 0-16. The Packers have been one of the leagues’ greatest disappointments, despite the great play of Favre’s successor, Aaron Rogers. For this game, there is plenty motivation to play well on both sides, but as things have gone for the entire year for Detroit, I don’t expect the result to be any different. I don’t think there’s been a single time this season when I’ve picked the Leos to even COVER, that they’ve done so. I won’t even muster any holiday sprit to give them that again. The line is -9 for the Packers, and I’m leaning that way, despite the long injury report for the Pack. Detroit becomes one of the massive train-wreck stories of the new century.
DALLAS @ PHILTYDELPHIA
In the second of the “Critical 10-pack”, these two storied rivals renew the tussle at The Linc. The Iggles let a gift game fly from their grasp last week against the punchless DeadSkins, and this is the last stand for both teams. The Cowpuppies have been maddeningly inconsistent in all phases of the game this season. Philthy has also been struggling, and this should be a similar slugfest to the game last week. If Brian Westbrook gets enough touches to slow down the pass rush, Donavan McSnabb should be able to move the chains enough to keep Romo the Homo and his whiny prima donna receivers off the field. The Eagle “D” is still very active and hard hitting, and I have a feeling they will be at their best this week. The team historically HATES the Cowbabies, almost as bad as their Neanderthal fans do. The Linc will be loud, and even though the playoff die will be cast by kickoff, the Iggles will be fired up. Philthy is favoured by -1 ½, and I’d encourage you to take them, and watch the CowGirls perform a December collapse one more time.
NY GEEMEN @ MINI-SODA
In #3 of the 10-pack, The Vikings host the #1 seed in a game that one would think would be a Christmas present from Tom Coughlin to the Vikes. Not so fast. I firmly belive that the G’ints would want to play their starters for a fair portion of the game, to keep them in game shape. But let’s be real. It would be foolish for the team to risk injury at this juncture of the season, and I would expect the second string to come in by the second half. The Vikings HAVE to have this game, and I think they’ll give a better effort this week. But these backups for the GeeMen have a lot to play for as well, as the scouting departments for many teams will be looking at these players in the offseason, and this is their audition. There’s no doubt that the fight in the Vikings will be bigger than the G’ints on this day, but the GeeMen will still be playing ball, and I like NY to cover the +6 ½ points.
CHICAGO @ HOUSTON
Game #4 features a Texans team that’s starting to get its act together, despite losing at wretched CrOakland last week. They are seriously motivated to end the season on a winning note and once again go into the offseason as the league’s biggest tease. Da Bears, on the other hand, are in desperate need of a win. The bad news is that the offense, their team strength in this season, is rapidly slacking off in production. The defense is aging and nothing like the Midway Monsters they were back in ’05. I think the Texans will be more than ready for anything Da Bears throw at them. They’ll be at home, and the Texans will end the playoff story for Chicago this day. Take the Texans and the 2 ½ points.
CAROLINA @ NEW ORLEANS
In Game #5, an angry Panthers team looks to correct some procedure flaws against the disappointing Saints, who, despite being an offensive juggernaut, surrendered points and yardage in huge amounts this season. The storyline is clear- Drew Brees needs 400 yards to eclipse Dan Marino’s single season record for passing yardage. And as I said in my last rant, the team will be obliging that goal. That makes the defensive game plan easy for the Panthers – Rush Brees as much as possible and disrupt those passing lanes, as the Saints WILL NOT beat these ‘Cats on the ground, despite Pierre Thomas’ emergence as a quality back. Offensively, the Panthers look to have a great deal of success running the ball. If they were able to gash the Mighty GEEMen for 156 yards last week, I can imagine what they’ll do against the feeble Saints. They will keep the ball from Brees enough to keep this contest from morphing into a shootout. The Panthers are banged up a bit on the defensive line, but they’ll be strong enough to contain New Orleans, especially if Julius Peppers can turn himself loose, as I’m expecting to happen. Take the Panthers and the -3 points, and we crowd the lot in two weeks.
ST LOOEY @ ATLANTA
The most improbable of seasons for the Duckies reaches the end of its first chapter this week with the closest thing to a “gimme” against the Lambs, AT The Pond. Mike Smith has taken a group of centerpiece players, and created a team that is not only competitive, but winning. Sorry, Panther, Buc and Saints fans, we will be dealing with these *$^%@#&*%+% for years now. The Lambs get to deal with them this Sunday. With a playoff berth wrapped up, do you imagine the Duckies would be overconfident and complacent? Not on your life. With a chance to usurp rival Carolina for the #2 seed, I’d expect them to beat St. Looey WORSE than a rented mule. It’s the biggest line of the week, at -15 for the Duckies, and I don’t see any scenario where they don’t cover. Sucks, but I’d take Atlanta.
KANSAS CITY @ CINCINATTAH
Great. The Bungles start playing better ball at the end of the season, with the equally wretched Chefs coming to town. With nothing to play for except jobs in the anticipated post-season house cleaning on the horizion, I’d expect the best game out of both teams. Unfortunately, the best game is below the NFL average for these guys. KC’s “D” is among the league’s worst, and I’d expect the Bungles to move on them. Likewise, the Chef’s new-found Thigpen-led attack should be able to gash Cincinattah as well. I’m anticipating a highly entertaining shoot-out for the holiday visitors sitting in the Paul Brown Stadium stands. I don’t have a strong feeling one way or the other in this game, but I’d lean to the home Bungles by -3.
JACKSONVILLE @ BALTY-MOORE
Game #7 in the delectable smorgasbord of Week 17 “BIG GAMES” finds the major disappointing Jaggy-whyers coming to the Capital of Chesapeake for an expected fanny-whoopin. The Ravens are uber-confident after trashing the Cowbabies’ final game at the Stadium With The Hole In The Roof, and there’s no reason to think they wouldn’t be fired up with the final playoff spot firmly in their grasp. They are superior in every phase of the game right now, and they will have a laser-beam focus this Sunday. This is the mortal stone-cold-lead-pipe LOCK OF THE WEEK – Quothers by -12 ½!
TENNESSEE @ INDIANAPOLIS
With their seedings set, this game pretty much amounts to a pre-season game in its personnel. While I’d expect the starters to play a series or two, both coaches want to go into the playoffs healthy, and this could be the yawner of the day, and the toughest to handicap. The Titans are favoured, but I like Indy at home by the +3 points. Just ‘cause.
CLEVELANDLAND @ PISSBURGH
Although they’ve clinched the #2 seed, the Squeelers rushing attack remains a concern for the team. A weak Brownies team would be a good place to start patching that up, but the postseason remains problematic for that phase of their game. While Awfulsberger and Co. can expect to start the game, I’d think much of the reserves will be playing the second half. For a season full of high expectations, ClevelandLand would like nothing better than this season to end as quickly as possible. For a game that has all indications of going ugly right away, I’m hesitiant to pull the trigger on a 10 ½ point line, but this is the proud and nasty and ANGRY Squeeler team, at HOME, and these are the beat-up disjointed Brownies. With a dead Crennell walking. Take the Squeelers and the -10 ½.
MIAMI @ NY BRETS
Ahhhh, but for the Denver/Sad Diego game in primetime, this would be the 18 oz. Porterhouse on the NFL menu this Sunday! Actually, it still could be, if we could imagine that Hoculi-less tilt in So. Cal to be a snifter of 100- year old brandy and a brace of Cuban hand-rolled cigars! Oh, dude, I’m just salivating now! Back to the contest- This game #8 in the critical 10-pack has it all – stars, jilted stars, overrated stars in the twilight of their career, reclamation stars, a long-time historic rivalry, fate, irony, and stark, in-your-face KARMA. All of which has the potential of trumping mere X’s and O’s. All of a sudden, the BRETS’ stout defense has gotten feeble, and Favre seems to no longer be able to throw those incredible deep balls he once did. The team as a whole has looked below average since their road upset of the previously undefeated Titans in Week 12. But for a fortuitous fumble return against Beefalo two weeks ago; this is a team with playoff hopes extinguished. In the meantime, Miami has a strong defense and rushing attack, and Chad Pennington has been a great game manager this season. I’d suspect he’d go after the BRETS’ suspect defensive backfield, and Henning will be sure to unleash his “Wildcat” on Jenkins and Co. If I’m Mangini, I’d lean on Thomas Jones to attack that gap in the linebackers due to chief run-stopper Chan Crowder’s absence, and limit Favre’s role in the offensive game plan. To me, that’s their best chance of avoiding the embarrassment of a final home game upset at the hands of the arch-rival Dolphins. Vegas has given the home BRETS -3 points- The Cedar Street Seer says wrong team favoured- Take the NFC EAST CHAMPION MIAMI DOLPHINS straight up!
NEW ENGLANDLAND @ BUFFALO
But for the interest of a few pockets of Northwest NY, Massachusetts, Vermont, Connect-ti-cut, Rhode Island and New Hampshire, this #9 game is WAY overshadowed by the Miami/BRETS monster tilt. The Pastry-Rots are playing great ball to end the season, and a great reflection of Dr. Cheatin’-Chick’s coaching prowess. The Bills showed a lot of fight against a weenie-pop defense in Mile High Stadium last week, but these New EnglandLanders are playing to stave off elimination, and they are NOT Denver’s wilting defense. Buffalo will want to play hard for Dickie Jauron, but it won’t be enough. I think they are overmatched by an inspired Patsie club, who will overcome them late. And the cruel, cruel reality for New EnglandLand is that even a victory may not be enough, and for only the second time in recent NFL history, an 11-5 team misses the playoffs. The line is -6 ½ for the visitors, who I’d lean to.
SEATTLE @ ARID-ZONA
Euuuuucccchhhhhh. This is a game I’m hatin’ to call. I knew the wretched, wounded SeaDoggies would fight hard for exiting Mike Holmgren, and I knew the Cardy-noles would be a smear on the Gillette Stadium field. So here we are in the confluence of final game blahs, the once mighty- Sea Dawgs ending a most forgettable season, against a Cardy-noles team that took until Week 14 to claim a awful, pestilent division, feasting on the other miserably weak divisional opponents, while getting clobbered by the rest of the league. All the good flowery things I said about the team after the game against the Panthers? I take it back. They will be the playoff’s first casualty. Going into the contest, it’s clear to me, on paper, that Arid-Zona has the better talent. That hasn’t equaled wins at this juncture of the season, and without a serviceable run game, makes handicapping a Cardy-Noles game a bit easier. I like the size of the fight in the Sea Dawgs right now, and I like for them to cover the +6 points, and after next week, no one will be talking about the Arid-Zona Cardy-Noles until the ’09 NFL draft.
WARSHINGTOON @ SAN FRANCISCO
An important part of Forty-Niner history took place this week, and it may have gone unnoticed by many of us- Niner ownership has announced it will consider lifting the “interim” tag from Samurai Singletary, and make him the new head coach. Bravo. BRAVO, I say! In my opinion, I believe this is a move, if coupled with some other good personnel and player moves, will reap great benefit for the team. This group of players has already shown they’ll fight hard for him – imagine what he’d do with some SERIOUS talent! On this Sunday, Mike gets to make his final case for sealing the deal. The DeadSkins are just like that indicting nickname. They end the season as they began it. Adequate on defense, listless on offense. The Niners are favoured by -3 at home, and that’s good for me. Niners finish on an up note, and serve notice to the Cardy-Noles for next season.
DENVER @ SAN DIEGO
As I pointed out earlier in the post, after getting fat and gorged on prime NFL contests all day, the regular season ends with an indescribable brandy and pungent delectable stogies! This is DEFINING NFL karma of the BEST KIND!
After the cruel game-rape applied by Ed Hoculi in Week 2, it seemed improbable that the flow of the season would lead here after the enigmatic Broncoids had a perceptibly insurmountable 3 game division lead! But, to our great fortune, San Diego got out of the doldrums, played inspired, if not great, ball, and meanwhile, the league figured out the wretched Broncoid defense while dismantling their one- prong offensive attack. The math is simple in this game. The winner claims the division and #4 seed. The loser is out. For me, this call is easy. A seemingly listless Buffalo team gashed the Broncoids at home, exposing every Denver flaw. The Chargers shocked the Bucs right under the shadows of that cool pirate ship. At this point of the season, the Bolts are better than the Broncoids in every phase. Can you see where I’m going with this? Vegas does. A whopping -9 points go to the Chargers. And they will be convincing in handing the Broncoids a crushing, demoralizing defeat. And Shanahan will have to explain to Pat Bowlen how he let the playoffs escape the certain jaws of victory and persuade one more season out of the disgusted Denver ownership.
There it is fanz, the final prognostication of a fantastic regular season! While I haven’t been quite as spectacular as the games, I’m still guaranteed a winning record in my inaugural! I’d like to thank all of you who’ve read the rantz and prognostications and commented, good or bad. It’s been fun and I look forward to doing this for the playoffs right up to February! I hope to see many of you at someone’s willing abode for Sunday’s Mega-Tilt!
Last week - 7-8
Season - 110-94
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