24 December, 2007

Wish List, Pt. 2

December 24th, 2007

Well, the season is almost over, gratefully. And as it is the Christmas season, I’m continuing to wish. One of my wishes came true when we got a serious effort from the team on national TV last Saturday, and the week before, prompting me to actually wear a jersey to the game. Perhaps your wishes are like mine, as the ones I’ll write here are concerned with the Carolina-Richardson Panthurs.

For one, I wish I’d not made that bold prediction about Foxy’s future with us.

Seems like Uncle Jerry read my rant and made that announcement securing Fox-Hurney’s employment in Carolina just to spite me.

*Sigh. *

Know what’s coming, Pantherfanz?

More of the same.

More unimaginative offensive plays.

More horrendous special teams.

More defenses that cannot get off the field on fourth down-

More gameday crowds featuring empty seats and those filled with fans of the opposing teams.

More home-field DISadvantage.


Foxy and Hurney take this one year grace period and use it as a mandate to BRING PANTHER FOOTBALL BACK!

So, with that statement, What IS Panther Football? Is it that collection of veterans that Polian and Capers put together in ’95-’96? That was fun, but wilted like cut flowers from that Russian dude on the corner of Albemarle and Wilgrove-Mint Hill Road. Is it that hi-powered offense led by Steve Beurelein, his Frisbee-catchin’ dogs and Seifert? I, for one, would LOVE to see some of that come back. Let me tell you what I think Panther football is.

For six years, John Fox has been our head coach. And the winningest coach we have had. You, me, Pea-Dad, Chris the Cooke and even Head Coach Dano cannot ignore or forget the post-season success we have had. A SUPER BOWL! Taking those mighty Pastry-Rots to the FINAL SECONDS! Throttling the once-mighty- GI-Ain’ts and Midgets of the Midway to get to the NFC Championship-

Do you think the Detroit Lions, Atlanta Duckies, and Phoenix Cardi-noles, to name a few want some of that?

Hell, yeah, they do.

But, the NFL stands for, among other things, for Not For Long. The measure of success in this league is WINNING, and POSTSEASON SUCCESS. This is NOT the NCAA, where part of your success is based on the character and academic achievement of the athletes. I love seeing UNC athletes acting like kids you can admire, and graduate. I could care less about what NFL players do, as long as they play by the rules and don’t kill anyone, or dogs. Ahhh, that’s kind of a generalization. Of course, I’d like them ALL to be like Mikes. Minters and Ruckers, that is. So- with a lot of rambling, Panther Football to me is……

John Fox coaching an NFL team that RUNS THE FOOTBALL with a non-fumbling powerback, that hasn’t been seen since Stephen Davis. Bang, Bang, Bang, First down. Bang, Bang, Short Dink Pass, First down. Bang, Dink Pass, Bang, First Down. Bang, Bang, Bang, Field Goal. A quarterback that manages the game. Sure-handed receivers that don’t drop the damn ball. Linemen that don’t make mistakes. A defense that crushes the run, and keeps the pass in front of them, while creating turnovers. Special teams that erases the opponent’s return, while establishing good field position when receiving. When these elements are working, then, it becomes Bang, Bang, BIG PLAY, TOUCHDOWN!

This, my friends, is Panther Football, the way it’s been played for two and a half- paltry years here. And it was only played when John Fox was the coach. But, it must come back- So--- We get Foxy-Hurney back next year. What has to happen? Not status quo, because THAT is unacceptable. So given these parameters, I’m going to revisit my wish list.

Seeing that we are getting the principals back, I wish for the rest of the staff to be jettisoned, STARTING WITH TURKEY-VAC! AND the UN-special teams coach. I might give Davidson a pass, since he was obviously hamstrung at the QB position, but only a ONE YEAR PASS- And an overhaul of the scouting department. Our past crop of free agents, save Chris Harris has been unacceptable. Our draft picks have simply not been as successful at the lower levels as they have been. Anyone wanna guess what round Tom Brady was picked at? Romo The Homo? ‘Nuff said.

I maintain, I wish for Jake Delhomme to make a complete recovery from his Tommy John Surgery. I am certain him on this current team would have been good for at least two more wins, which means we are tied with Tampa Bay going into the last game. I DID wish for Matt Moore to go, but I believe he’s played into the right to earn a spot on this team. I wish for us to draft a Romo/Homo or Brady to understudy Jake for a year or two, and then explode, and Jake buy a Bojangle’s Franchise and kick Mick Mixon and Eugene Robinson outtta the booth, but, oh, that’s another wish- I think our wish for Dinky Carr to get outta town will be granted, with 100% certainty.

I wish that DeFumblo Foster never wear a Panther uniform again. I wish that we would draft a POWERBACK that would be that battering ram that is John Fox football. DeAngelo Williams is JUST NOT THAT BACK. He’s a scat-back, like Warrick Dunn, or Marsha-Marsha-Marshall Faulk. In that role, he would be all-Pro. I wish Nick-Comings-And-Goings could squeeze one more year outta him and be a reliable backup and special teams player. I wish also for us to get one more year outta Brad Hoooooooooooover and draft a punishing fullback that can catch the ball.

Again, I wish for Steve Smith to be a Panther forever. I wish for us to snag a mercurial wide receiver of the Ricky Proehl/Patrick Jeffers type in free agency, and draft a speedy sure handed Frisbee catchin’ dog. The rest-

Just go away. And Pleeeeeeease-

No more USC and that’s LEFT COAST- receivers.

A couple of nice draft picks and a decent position coach will help this group. That’s what I wish for.

I wish for this line to be blown up. There has been NO pass rush generated from this group all year. I wish for us to trade Julius Peppers, to an AFC team of course, for as many draft picks as we could get for him. I wish for the new defensive coordinator to stabilize this unit and get the pass rush from the

Who have a nice start at the middle with Jon BEASTon who I wish to be a Panther forever. I wish for a Kevin Greene like character to come in and generate some real excitement when we are on defense. And behind these guys,

I wish for Richard Marshall to get a starting spot. I wish for a true shut-down corner to be drafted and some hard-hitting safeties to come in.

And while I’m wishing, I’m wishing for Bill Rosinski to come back. I’m wishing that on gameday, our stadium is void of obnoxious fans of the visiting team. ESPECIALLY Cow-puppy, and Squealer fans. I wish that teams coming to play at the BOFA come into a raucous, passionate, and LOUD environment that creates anxiety and discomfort.
And I simply MUST, MUST, MUST wish for this-

The PantherFanz party to go on like it has this year. If tailgate parties determined playoff positioning, there would be no question that we would be 15-0 going into the game with Tampa Bay. EVERY SINGLE ONE of us has carried the tentpoles of this party high and strong, and our final party this year was beyond all expectations. A super buzz was caught by all, and I was proud to bring my darling daughter “Miss December PantherFanz” into adulthood in our lot. Jessie, her little sister, will be sure to follow, as for sure your children will. Next Gen PantherFanz, who will not sell out to the latest winner- Who will fill the seat year after year, and teach THEIR children to love the Carolina Panthers, and so on, and so on. Our pain, their pride. The bricks we lay now that will be the HOUSE our team PROTECTS. This is my wish, my dearest wish, as it comes for the Panthers, and for us. And I wish, most of all, that Marc can see the tailgate group and the team grow stronger and stronger as the years march on. It’s not lost on me that I’m writing as the anniversary of his passing has come and gone last week. And with that, my friends, my FanZ- I wish you a Merry, Merry, Christmas, may anyone but Dallas or New EnglandLand go to the StuporBowl, and I promise one final rant before this dismal season fades into history…….

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11 December, 2007

Wish List

December 10th, 2007

Well, Fanz- it’s been two weeks since my last rant, and I’m ready to source whatever holiday spirit there is to wish for things tangible and intangible.

Of course, we’d all like peace on earth, and good will towards ALL men, and that would include anyone in a Falcons uniform or a Du---


Oh Lord, forgive me.

I just can’t do it for Dook.

But, just like my Giving Thanks rant, this IS a Panther Football site, and all of my wishes here are my wishes for the Richardson Panthurs.

Panthur Football.

Seems like an oxymoron.

For most of this year, either watching on TV or sitting in BOFA, this season’s team has been the very worst brand of football I’ve seen as a fan. The first season in Klimpsun was far better. Even with that Gawd-Awful traffic before and afterwards. The 1-15 season was AT LEAST watchable.

This year has been garbage. Pure garbage.

So now, I’m wishing. But before I do, The Cedar Street Seer is making a bold prediction. After yesterday, and hearing some post-game commentary, I’m ready to say it.

John Fox will NOT be head coach of these Richardson Panthurs next season.

Too much that has gone wrong for this team in performance is coaching related. And Jerry R. won’t put up with what he’s seeing in the house the PSL built for another year. He just won’t. My list is long- So with that, I start with-

Ok, so if I wish the coaching staff away, Jerry had BETTER have a good alternative in the wings- Marty Schottenheimer has a house in Lake Norman- Marty got a terrible deal in Sad Diego, and a WORSE one in DC. I think Marty is a good fit here. There’s rumors that Power Cowher has a handshake deal to come in. Cowher would at least energize the players and fans. And the coach and HIS staff, not A SOUL left over from the debris of Fox, will have to blow this team up, position by position. And who will make the personnel decisions to replace the blown up players? Not the Marty we have on staff NOW- Hurney, the scouting staff, GONE. Their track record has been ABYSMAL. We need a real football man, a shrewd “capologist” who can bring in terrific talent, year after year, like the Pissburg Squealers did for so many years. Right now the Panthurs are in the worst cap position in the league. Our new GM is going to really have to make some chicken salad out of the sh** that remains. So I continue to wish for-

I wish that we’d trade Julius Peppers straight up for Peyton Manning. Can you imagine the Bojangles commercials we’d have THEN!!??? But since that borders on science fiction, I wish for Jake Delhomme to have a complete and successful recovery from his Tommy John surgery. As I’ve said before, Jake is a natural leader, a gunslinger in the mold of Brett Favre. We need to keep Jake if he’s healthy. All of our present QB’s, INCLUDING Matt Moore, are to be jettisoned. Vinny Testicle, retire. David Carr-

Just go away.

And let’s draft a good QB in this year’s draft. We’re going to be in great draft position- there’s a good crop of ‘em out there. And who does our wished-for QB throw to?

I wish for Steve Smith to be a Panther forever. And for Keary Colbert, Drew Carter, and Dewayne Jarrett to cease being Panthers effective December 31st. I wish we had Frisbee-catchin’ dogs like we had back in ’99. I wish Jeff King or Dante Rosario would turn into Wesley Walls. If not, seeya. We need sticky-handed guys who will not only catch the damn ball, but to run proper routes, keep their heads in the game, and BLOCK! Block for who? Who I wish for in-

I wish also for DeFumblo Foster to cease being a Panther effective Dec. 31st. I wish to give DeAngelo Williams a chance to be a feature back. In the meantime, I wish for our remaining stable of backs to be cleared out, except Brad Hoooooooooooover and Nick Comings and Goings can stay and play ………….


I wish we didn’t have the very worst special teams in the NFL. But we do. We need a half-dozen kamikaze players who launch themselves down the field like human Exocet missiles. And if they don’t the new special teams coach that I’m wishing for needs to get them in the mindset to do that. Thank you, John Kasay, for all of your years of excellence, in performance, AND character. I wish for you to retire before you embarrass yourself one of these days. Don’t worry, you’ll get your statue and name in our Ring of Honour. We can keep Jason Baker. And as I continue to wish, I won’t forget…

I wish for you guys a new coach that will coach all of those stupid false starts out of you. You all are a pretty good bunch. Unless you’re Dinky Carr, the QB just isn’t sacked very much. I’ll say that this part of our team is actually mediocre, and not garbage, like most of the team. I’ve got a good friend in church that used to be a lineman at NC State, and he told me OL’s hold on EVERY play. They just have to be sneaky about it. So I’ll forgive the occasional holding call, just QUIT JUMPING BEFORE THE DAMN SNAP!!!

Now for a really BIG WISH-

After special teams, there is no part of this team that needs to be blown up more than this one. Jenk, Ruck, Pep, Kemo- NONE of you is a sacred cow. I wish for ALL OF YOU to cease being Panthers after this year. I wish to trade Julius Peppers for all of the draft picks we could get out of him, unless the new coaches I’m wishing for think they can coach him back into the monster we remember. I’d let Stanley McClover try to earn a roster spot. And now, I wish behind this line for

I wish for Danielle Morgan to retire. Now. Don’t even entertain the notion of coming back for this team, ever. I wish for Jon BEASTon to be a Panther forever. I wish for a really dominating LB in the draft to complement him and TD on the outside. I wish for a crazed lunatic like Kevin Greene in this unit. I wish that we could have the kind of fun we used to have when he was at his peak. And down the field, I wish for

I wish Richard Marshall would start, and Christine Gamble would play nickel. I wish Ken Lucas well, and a nice end of is career somewhere else. I wish we would draft a real shut-down ball-hawking corner, or a heat-seeking missile of a safety, like Mike After-Dinner Minter used to be. I wish Mike was young again and back, but like seeing Peyton Manning in black’n-blue, that’s science fiction.

And while I’m wishing, I wish those nasty dreadlocks would go out of fashion. I’m surprised that if the league bans fun and celebrations, they wouldn’t ban these tacky forms of self-expression. But that’s just me. I wish the Panthurs would spend more time showing replays on the screen and not those stupid advertisements. I wish they’d let us take our shirts off. I wish they’d let people bring in posters critical of the team. I wish beer wasn’t so expensive in the stadium. And I wish they’d stop playing the Imperial March at the start of every defensive series. They’re just not that intimidating. I wish that one day, that the Panthers start scaring the league again, like the Pastry-rots do now. I wish that we would make a speedy return to playoff football, at least COMPETETIVE football, and most of all,

I wish all of you a Merry Christmas with your families, your friends and loved ones, and a very happy New Year.

And as I type out of sight, Good Tailgating to all, and to all-

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh, you know………


Email me, The Cedar Street Seer