28 October, 2011

THE WEEKLY HANDICAP AND OTHER CLARIVOYANCES - WEEK 8

Other than the Panther’s victory over the Deadskins, and the two blowouts I accurately predicted, I absolutely stunk up the blog last week. And although I correctly identified the Miami-Broncoid game as the top stinker of the day, I INCORECTLY picked the Dull-phins as the winner.

Ughh.

A dismal 5-8, possibly the worst picking I’ve ever done since I’ve started this blog.

With my fermented pain reliever at the ready, I slap the keyboard, and rev up the clairvoyance gland, and redeem myself. This week, other than a trio of hot conference games, is made up primarily of potential blowouts and stinkers. Welcome to Week 8, the halfway point already for a season that’s seemed to have FLOWN by -

INDIANAPOLIS @ TENNESSEE

What’s incredible to me is, how quickly the overall fan base has acclimated to the Colts positively sucking as bad as any team sucking in the league this year. What I’m wondering is, how MUCH of a difference would Peyton being back healthy REALLY would have made? Peyton Manning doesn’t play defense, and this Colt defense is getting gashed in ways that would have been inconceivable even last season. The Titans are reverting to the mediocre-to-bad team I’d thought they’d be at the start of the season, but they are clearly better than the Colts. I would think Chris Johnson gets going here. The 8 ½ point line is massive for this game, but after the beatdown Indy got last week, I just can’t imagine them having the stones to cover. Even to a division rival. Reluctantly, I encourage you to go to the Titans and the – 8 ½.

JACKSONVILLE @ HOUSTON

Another absolutely BAFFLING score to me was the 12-7 score of last Monday night’s regurgitation of a ball game at All-Smell stadium at Jacksonville. How on earth does Maurice Jones-Drew put the ball on the ground 4 TIMES, and the Jaggywhyers STILL beat the RAVENS???!!! THE RAVENS???!!! That had to be a LOOOOOOOONG trip back home for Fired Up, Captain Defense, Poetic Justice and co. I just don’t get it. The one thing that I can fall back on is that MOST NFL teams are a collection of professionals who are proud of their craft, and on any given game day… well, you know the tired old axiom. Houston rode Foster big time last week, and he definitely delivered. They’ll need more than the running game to dent a suddenly confident Jaggy-whyers squad. This is a game that the Texans are going to HAVE to win, but certainly not by that stupefying -9 ½ that they are favoured by. I DEFINITELY encourage you to take the Jags and the points.

MINI-SODA @ CAROLINA

I touched on this briefly in my post-game rant last week. Adrian Peterson is the league’s leading rusher. That’s incredibly BAD news for one of the league’s WORST rushing defenses. Somehow, Rivera and his Cam-a-lots are going to have to scheme strongly to stop this potent rusher, and then – force rookie QB Ponder to beat them. I have faith that this growing football staff will figure this out. Because one of the BETTER pass defenses in the league is believe it or not, this Carolina squad. And one of the WORST pass defenses in the league belongs to these horn-adorned helmet wearers visiting this Sunday. I think Peterson will get his yards, but they won’t be enough to blunt the relentless attack of Chudzinsky’s offensive monster he created. Some lines have gone as high as -4 for the Panthers. Take them with confidence.

NEW ORLEANS @ SAD LOOEY

After last weeks total embarrassment of the Dolts, the hobbled coach Peyton will need to convince his Saints team that the Lambs are good enough to beat them in their home dome. I don’t think that will be a problem. Sad Looey has surprisingly hit the bottom of the league after such an encouraging season last year. I have all the confidence in the world in this New Orleans team to blow them out. Maybe not like last week, but very convincingly, by two touchdowns at least.

ARID-ZONA @ BALTY-MOORE

WHAT THE *^#@! %$* WAS UP WITH THE RAVENS LAST MONDAY NIGHT???!!! The failure of this team to perform to their usual high standard COULD be blamed on the coaching staff taking the Jaggy- Whyers FAR too lightly. This team is simply too talented to allow an inferior team to beat them, on ANY field. I think the Cardy-noles have regressed significantly since the opener, and the Raven’s defense will be playing like someone bitch-slapped their mamma. THEY will be the ones scoring points on Sunday, and the beleaguered Flac-a-lots will chip in a few. Harbaugh and company would do well to learn from their Monday night debacle, and come in focused. Arid-zona NEVER does well against the spread playing an early East Coast game. With a bit of hesitation, I encourage you to take that massive – 13 ½ point line for the Quothers.

MIAMI @ NOO YAWK FOOTBALL GIANTS

With two weeks rest, and one of the very WORST Dull-phin teams in memory coming to Joisey, I’d expect the GEEEEMen to pad their record with a thorough a$$ whoopin’ over this winless team. Coughlin would certainly have a coronary if HIS G’ints would be the FIRST team to slip on the Phish this season. Don’t count on it. Take the Giants and the -10 ½.

WARSHINGTOON @ BUFFALO @ TOE-RON-TOE, CAM-A-DA

The NFL continues to push its “international appeal” to our brothers to the north. Canada’s adopted NFL team, the Bills, gets to host the plummeting DeadSkins in a CFL stadium. With the loss of their only real rushing and receiving threats in Moss and Hightower, the DeadSkins are in trouble. I’m counting on Buffalo wearing out their defense much like the Panthers did last week, and Fred Jackson will rumble through them, keeping the surprising Bills near the top of the conference standings. The line is -6 for Buffalo, but I see this turning into a blowout.

DETROIT @ DENVER

I think the REAL Timmy Tebow is the one that flopped around Land Shark Stadium like a harpooned mud shark, and not the fighter that rallied for a paltry two minutes against one of the very worst teams in the league last week. It will be borne out this Sunday against a FAR better Lions team that DESPERATELY wants to get back on the winning side. Stafford’s hurting, but he’ll play. The line’s only -3 points for the Leos, but this to me for all the world feels like a blowout, too.

NEW ENGLANDGLAND @ PISSBURGH

This is one of those Hitler vs. Stalin games to me. Despite my intense dislike of Dr. Cheatin’-Chek and his Pastry-Rots, I’m going to have to stitch the swastika on those Squeelers this Sunday. Comrade Bradyski has shown an uncanny mastery over Das Squeelers over the past decade, and I think it will continue. The wild card is the resurgent Squeeler offense, which shouldn’t have a problem scoring on that quite vincible Patrioski defense. This could be the most entertaining game of the afternoon, and probably worth hanging out in the lot WAY past 6.00 PM watching it on Brain’s new satellite tv receiver! The gulag of New Englandglandski is favored by -3 over the Schwarzz und Gelt Nazis of Pissburgh. Take Stalin.

CLEVELANDLAND @ SAN FRANCISCO

If there was ever a trap game for the division leading Niners, it would be this one. For me, the Browns have been quite disappointing this season, and managing a mere 6 points over a vastly inferior team last week in a VICTORY, no less, doesn’t bode well going against a team that’s regained it’s swagger. I have a feeling that these Niners play down to their competition Sunday afternoon, and the Brownies cover. Take Clevelandland and the 8 ½.

CINCINNATI @ SEATTLE

Ugh. Another game that has potential to be a big stinker. The Bungles have a much better defense, and the Giants did them a favor in showing them two weeks ago how to lose to a bad Seahawks team. Bungles by a field goal.

DALLAS @ PHILTYDELPHIA

Ahhhh, at last, a prime time game ACTUALLY WORTH staying up for! It’s no secret that these two teams and fan bases absolutely HATE each other, and I’m sure you’ll see it played out on the field. Philty has yet to play its best football, as do the Cowboys, but both are improving. I’m taking the Feeguls’ distinct dysfunction into play as well as the electric Dallas offense as I lean to Dallas and the +3 ½.

SAN DIEGO @ KANSAS SHITTY

One of the biggest surprises to me last week was the THUMPING the Raiders took AT HOME to this suddenly resurgent Chefs team! The rabid and dedicated fans at Arrowhead will be sure to make a tremendous amount of noise in welcoming the now 3-3 team back home with a CHANCE TO TAKE THE LEAD in the division with a win, unthinkable three weeks ago. The team is doing it with defense, but Rivers and co. will be the toughest of tests for these guys. They’ll make it a contest early, but I see the Boltz pulling away in the second half. Take San Diego and -3 ½.

There you go fanz, your survival guide to one of the slackest weekends of football in recent memory.
When your big payday hits, don’t forget to libate your Cedar Street Seer when you see him

See you in the lot Sunday!

Last week – UGHHH! 5-8
Season – 57-42

Gotta Comment?
Email me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com

27 October, 2011

OCC-CLAW-PATIONAL HAZARD

I met with orthopaedic surgeon John Ternes this morning to tell me what I had already figured out on my own –

I have a completely torn biceps tendon that will require surgery, and quickly.

How I tore it is kind of embarrassing.

In the third quarter of last week’s game, our first touchdown had me sprinting down to the field level for my customary “C*A*T*S” cheer and section “claw” running back to my seats at the lower concourse level. Either someone gave me REALLY heavy claw, or a DEADSkins fan grabbed my hand as I sprinted back to my seat, but I felt a “POP” in my elbow, and a feeling of what I could only describe as a window shade rolling up after a stout tug – and I returned to my seat feeling quite weird. I sat out the next touchdown, but after some vigorous massaging and another beer courtesy of my nayb to the rear, I managed to go down for one more cheer for our game-clinching touchdown. Elevated by our victory, and a regeneration of my buzz, I thought no more of my “injury” until later on in the evening, when I looked in the mirror, and saw that my left biceps muscle had an odd new position, and I knew something was BIG wrong – I was almost relieved when Ron bailed on the Canadian Golf Adventure for the next morning, because I felt pretty sure that a round of golf may have further damaged my arm –

I met with my primary care physician, Eric T. Landis the next day who took one look and said –

“Oh Shit!”

His preliminary diagnosis was severely strained or torn biceps tendon, as I had feared, but referred me to Dr. Ternes just to be sure – He didn’t even want to run an MRI – one examination convinced him Dr. Landis’ diagnosis was indeed correct. He WAS greatly amused at the manner in which I sustained my injury, and proud that I had hurt myself in the same manner as quote – “wideouts and running backs” end quote. Dr Landis thinks the Panthers owe me an injury settlement, but even two seasons after “Cheergate”, I don’t think I’ll be going there.

The surgery is scheduled for Monday, November 7th at 3.00PM, after which your “Claw Man” goes on IR for the season. Oh, I’ll be at the remaining games and show up at home viewing parties, but my role as primary cheer dude in my section are done this year. And I’ll need a volunteer to mix the “Panther Potion” for the Titans, Duckies, and Sucky-neers home games.

In retrospect, even before I go under general anesthesia to repair this arm-whithering setback, there’s not a thing I’d change about the way I cheer – When I’m released from the doctor’s care, I’ll be heading back to the gym and working as hard as ever, and when the 2012 season begins, The CLAW MAN will be once again leading the “C*A*T*S” cheer in section 137 as usual. And I’ll be giving CLAW in the lot, and CLAW at the game –

With my left arm in a sling.

To paraphrase the good doctor Landis –

“Oh Shit!”

I’d do it again, friends.

See you Friday with the picks –

Gotta Comment?
Email me, the Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com

26 October, 2011

AMEN, COACH!!!

As my percolating brain began to assemble it’s fractured pieces Tuesday morning over my first “cuppajoe”, it gleaned passively over the unremarkable headlines on the front page of the Charlotte Disturber, and as those freefloating thought fragments melded together, much as the T1000 liquid metal Terminator did in the second movie of the series, my eyes focused on one of the headlines on the sports section –

“Wanted – More of a home-town feeling”

Or something akin to that. For the first time that I can remember, a Carolina Panthers head coach lamented on the voluminous amount of the opposing teams fans in the stands. Hell, yeah, Coach! THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKIN’ ABOUT!!! You cannot imagine my righteous heart pounding in approval at Ron Rivera’s statements! I have been bitching about this sad state of affairs in our stadium for YEARS. Now, I know that we’re a relatively young team, and many of the fans who bought the PSL’s were fans of MUCH older, established franchises. And many of those PSL owners are fickle fans of the frontrunners, not die-hards like PantherFanz. So, when we suck, they are bailing, and to be honest, after last years abortion, I don’t blame ‘em. But we are now playing in our SEVENTEENTH SEASON, and with a bright new start! It’s time to get with the home team! Lauren is a good example of the first-generation fan that really didn’t know much of anything else BUT the Panthers. She’s now in her twenties. Many of those young football fans that are her age around here are not likely to be buying tickets. But when Lauren graduates nursing school, and her other professional peers begin their own self-sufficient lives – they are going to be the ones acquiring the seat licenses, either through inheritance, or the good fortune of a high salary. And that notion got me thinking –

For all the talk of football being a team sport, for most fans, it’s a STAR-driven sport. In the past, how many fans allied themselves with a team because of a particular player? Folks in Annapolis may have dedicated themselves to the Cowboys because of the Navy quarterback that won a pair of Super Bowls. Folks in Louisiana may have fallen in love with the Squeelers because of Terry Bradshaw. An Alabama alumni may have tattooed the Raiders emblem on his chest because of Ken Stabler, OR Broadway Joe. And in these cities with the well –established fan following, how much of the fans of the other teams have we seen in the stands in the occasional TV shot? In Pissburgh? Green Bay? Oakland? Dallas? Warshingtoon? New Englandgland? And for that matter, how many people who wouldn't ordinarily be NBA fans watched because of one Michael Jordan? See where I’m going with this?

Folks across the nation may have become fanatics over a team for whatever reason, but for the most part, it’s because of a superstar athlete. For the very first time, The Panthers have such a superstar, with profound respect due to Steve Smith and our other Pro Bowl players. But Cam Newton has that rarefied quality that will sell everything from UnderArmour to ice cream. ESPN and all of the sports networks will now be falling all over themselves to get him on prime time games now. If we’re lucky enough to keep him for ten years or more, here’s what happens-

Those fickle fans who have sold their tickets will be coming back on to the bandwagon like they’d never left. The kids raised on the Panthers, like Lauren, will be the ones with the season tickets. And across the country, kids staying up with Dad and big brother to watch the Panthers for Sunday and Monday night football will become Panther Fans for life, and they will be reading the Cedar Street Seer’s weekly rantz and buying the jerseys, and THEY will be going to their home stadium in Kansas Shitty or even PISSBURGH to see THEIR PANTHERS play! And with their three Lombardi Trophies proudly displayed in the stadium office, The Carolina Panthers supplant the old fan bases that lived and died with the Squeelers, the Packers, the Cowbabies, and ESPECIALLY the DeadSkins. I’m looking at the rest of the schedule – we will see the genesis of this long, but certain process THIS SEASON. Who’s coming to see the 1-6 Vikings this Sunday? The Titans? The Duckies? The Sucky-neers? We need to start filling the stadium – NOW. And prepare for next year.

Because –

Monday Night football will be coming. Twice, I’ll predict. Sunday Night with Al Michaels and that insufferable blowhard Chris Collinsworth will want some Cam too, I’ll guarantee. After the absolute garbage we’ve had to withstand this year with primetime games, it will be refreshing to see a game with an exciting offensive attack led by one of the brightest young stars in the league. Even the arrival of the much hyped Andrew Luck won’t dampen the anticipation of seeing that super sophomore sling the biscuit to Steve Smith or anyone else lucky enough to be wearing a Carolina Panthers uniform. And –

The best part of all will be the gnashing of teeth of those Packer, Squeeler, Cowboy and Deadskins fans DYING to get into the stadium when their team comes to town, and they’ll be nary a ticket to be found.

The only ones holding the tickets will be Panther Fans. And Coach Rivera’s lament will be long forgotten as the cheers in the stadium drown out the roar of the overhead jet flyover when the PA announcer introduces

AT QUARTER BACK –

FROM AUBURN –

CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM –

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTON!!!!


I’ve got cold chills thinkin’ about it.

I had to rant on it, Fanz.

I have a quite different rant to rite about tomorrow –

Stay tuned –

Gotta Comment?
Email me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com

24 October, 2011

O CAM-A-DA!

“When is the Canadian game?” Lauren asked me before the season started – “that’s the game I want to go to!” - she implored of her dad. Of course I had already insisted that Ms. Crazy attend that game with yours truly. “Well, at least I get to go out with y’all on Saturday night!” she replied. To Lauren’s credit, for one evening at Howl at The Moon, she took over her dad’s customary role as party catalyst, and did her mom and I proud. And she paid for it with a massive hangover to carry along with her baggage the following morning for a flight to Vegas, by the way. Her elevated passion and interest in the annual arrival of our fan base from the Northern Latitudes got me contemplating on the profound devotion of two geographically disparate groups to one event –

The PantherFanz pre-game party and the game that follows it.

And now, it seems to have become much more than just a round or two of golf and mere attendance. From what started as an inquiry of Peter Iverson to Marc looking for a pair of tickets, the Annual Canadian Invasion has become a bona-fide calendar-circling occasion not to be missed! Now, with Peter and co. completing their last round of golf (which unfortunately I had to miss – I’ve done something screwy with my left arm giving HEAVY CLAW in our section yesterday) as I ‘m writing this, they have completed their TENTH year of coming to the Carolinas for a golf and Panther game experience. I know that many of you share my anticipation of this yearly event, and my disappointment when the fellas have to return to the soon-to-be-frozen tundra, but this rant, after all, is football-party-centric.

We had a game to watch, and tailgating to perform! I can’t recall when we had MORE AWESOME food and drink on a more beautiful morning for football! Doug’s LobsterBurgers were to DIE for! The chicken was succulent as was the pork, and some fella whooped up the finest clam chowder I’ve ever had. The “Bloody Caesars” concocted by Dave and co. were almost as fast of a buzz delivery system as our “Panther Potion”. Only the Ravens party of last year had a larger 50-50 prize! As far as tailgating parties that I can actually remember, this one had to be one of the tops if you weren’t part of last years lot-busting Ravens Flock – If you were there, you know you had a great time, whether you were a Panther fan or not. I know of at LEAST a sextet of RedSkins fans that got a great buzz. If a secret PFUFA agent was in incognito attendance, making sure that Dano’s PantherFanz operation was keeping in the spirit of the Ultimate Fan’s mandate, he/she would have happily reported back to Candice that Dano’s PantherFanz indeed, were a worthy group. A very FITTING party not only to honour our brothers from the North, but James’ 40th birthday as well.

And there was a game.

As well as I’ve seen the Panthers play so far this year. Tim Hightower got his yards. We expected this. We knew our run defense was suspect. John Beck was marginally better than Wrecks-Grossman. We expected this, too. I also expected the score to be low in the first half, and as the clock closed out on a 9-6 Panthers lead, I could almost feel Marc’s grinning visage through the brilliant blue Carolina afternoon and his pounding on my shoulder exclaiming - “You called it, Cedar Street Seer!” I also expected an offensive outburst in the second half, led by the valiant Cam-a-lots. To the delight of Panther Nation, again, I was correct. One of my favorite moments of any given home game here in Charlotte is near the end, when the PA system starts playing the Neil Diamond standard “Sweet Caroline”. Ok, I’ll admit it’s kind of gay, but I’m a sentimentalist, especially when it comes to my home state and home team. And our Canadian brothers had a picture-perfect afternoon, and a well-played contest to enjoy, and I’m sure they came away from the day feeling every dime they spent on this trip was well worth it!

I’m going to digress, slightly, to remember a sports memory from almost two decades ago. One of the reasons Charlotte was a popular destination for pro basketball fans was the Hornets’ inclusion in the Central division of the Eastern Conference, which would ensure folks would see Michael Jordan in the QC for at least three times a year. As one of the singular talents to have ever handled Naismith’s rock, Jordan was a human highlight reel, as most of you will recall. On one occasion in the early ‘90’s I had happened to be in the recently demolished Coliseum off Tyvola road for a Hornets-Bulls game. Other than a spectacular shot or two, Jordan quietly amassed 30 points or so by the end of the game, collecting a good bit of them from the foul line. And I was amazed at the routine-like fashion by which Jordan performed. In a similar comparison, another singular athletic talent, this one in a Carolina Panthers jersey, other than a scintillating run and a pair of beautiful long passes, one Cam Newton, performed with the same routine-like efficiency displayed by the basketball superstar. For this rookie to have this kind of grasp on a complex, brutal game this early in his career is remarkable. Do you think I’m reaching here, comparing Newton’s star to Jordan’s? Three or four seasons from now, it won’t be. The playing careers of Manning, Brees, Brady, Rivers, Roethlisberger will either be in decline, or over completely. The legions of sports fans that will be following the game will know little of Jordan’s career other than the occasional archival footage, and for that matter, of other fading superstars like Montana, Marino, and Elway, to name a few. The standard bearer of the all-important quarterback position will be Cam Newton, and Charlotte will become a prime-time destination for the National Football League. Just not now. But I saw enough yesterday to keep me convinced of that fact.

Of course, while the weather was perfect, the game was not. I still view this defensive unit with much suspicion and trepidation. If Tim Hightower doesn’t go out with a knee injury in the second half, I think that the FredSkins make it a much closer game. The special teams continue to be unremarkable, although the outcome was not impacted by any return yardage. And those PENALTIES!!! Jaw-gnashing, excruciating, drive killing (or sustaining – for the opponent!) PENALTIES!!! For this to happen in a home game is maddening, and a reflection on the coaching staff. Coach Ron will have to get this cleaned up this week in practice –
While everyone’s feelin’ great about yesterday’s big win, and believe me, we’re entitled to, here’s what’s coming this Sunday –

Adrian Peterson. Remember him? His Mini-Soda Vikings may be languishing at the bottom of the league standings, but they managed to hang 27 points on the Green Bay Packers yesterday, and actually held the lead in the entire first half! He’s still in his prime! While the Pasture of Disasture here at Bank of America Stadium is not the fast track of the Metrodome, I would still anticipate the Vikings’ game plan to involve a heavy dose of AllDay against a defense that STILL hasn’t shown itself capable of stopping the run. This game should be a challenge to Rivera and McDermott. Anybody thinking this is going to be an easy win is suffering from an over-indulgence of Panther Potion.

But ahh, I’m not going to end this rant on a downer! It’s a happy, sunny Monday after a very convincing Panther win. It’s been a long time since we’ve felt this good about our team! Sure, there will be crappy games and crappy losses this season, and I will be rue to write about them, but today is a day to be proud member of Panther Nation, that clearly extends from the Carolinas to the northeastern latitudes of Nova Scotia, to the western mountainous beauty of British Columbia! Exciting professional football is back in our fair city, and I for one, was thrilled to share it with Canada yesterday.


See you Friday with the picks!

Gotta Comment?
Email me, the Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com

22 October, 2011

THE WEEKLY HANDICAP AND OTHER CLARIVOYANCES-WEEK 7

Happy Saturday, Fanz! It’s the eve of the Annual Canadian Invasion, and I’m sure you all join me in raising a frosty glass in cheer for our comrades from the north! I barely escaped with a winning record last week, but a win’s a win folks. I’ll rub some salve on my clairvoyance gland and get right to work with this week’s slate of games –

CHICAGO vs. TAMPA BAY at WEMBLY STADIUM, LONDON

The players tend to hate this now annual sales pitch to a prospective owner in the British Empire and the rest of the ownership group – but I don’t see it going away anytime soon. Perhaps this could be a good landing spot for the namesake team of the famous British sports car, but ah, I digress – on to the game – Tampa righted themselves last week with a HUGE home win over the Saints, and Da Bears added further humiliation onto the bumbling Vikings. I don’t believe that the Bears defense is back after that thumping of their division rivals. I stand by my “Bears Suck” prediction. Wrong team favoured here – The sightseeing Sucky-neers over the jet-lagged Bears.

WARSHINGTOON @ CAROLINA

Well, at last Mike Shanahan came to his senses and benched Wrecks. But does Beck present a better option? I doubt it. But that defense will present a challenge to the Cam-a-lots initially. If our beleaguered defense can slow the run enough, we can wear them down in the second half, where Cam-a-lot Nation and their Canadian counterparts can cheer the team enough to will them to our second victory of the year. I actually like that Rivera is tinkering with the 3-4, which may baffle the stumbling DeadSkin offense. The Cats are actually favoured by -2 ½ in this one. I’d feel confident to lean to the Panthers in this one.

SAN DIEGO @ NY JETS

Did y’all think last Monday’s tilt between these Jets and Miami was less than brilliant football, and not up to the usual exciting standard of the rivalry? Yeah, so did I. I DEFINITELY don’t think the Jet’s offensive woes were fixed by a contest with the sputtering Dullphins, but that defense is still a formidable machine. San Diego has been getting fat on beating the leagues weakest teams, and now must come East to a defense that is equal to the prodigious Rivers-led Charger offense. Sexy Rexy has been yakking his jaws all week about this game. I’ve learned long ago that a bunch of s**t talking comes up to bite you in the butt. Even with two weeks off for the Bolts, I still think the Jets are at an advantage in this one given the defense and the jet lag for the West Coast team. But there’s the S**t Talking Rule. Only works for Namath, Jets fans. Chargers are favored by -2 in this one. Had Rexy not spewed oral flatulence, I would have told you to take the Jets and the points. I can’t go against the almighty S**T Talking Rule. I’m going with San Diego.

SEATTLE @ CLEVELANDLAND

I’ve been pretty disappointed in the Browns this year, I’m not gonna lie. And also surprised by the fight in the SeaDogs. I’m seeing a closely- fought contest here folks, but some of the biggest impact players in the league have a degree from The University of North Carolina. Colt McCoy to Greg Little. Learn to love it, Browns Fans. It’s the difference in this game as the Carolina alumnus begins to write his story in THIS game. Browns by -3.

HOUSTON @ TENNESSEE

This is a pivotal, critical statement game for the Texans. Already behind these Titans in the standings, this game has become a MUST win if Houston wants to wrest this division from the only team capable of challenging them. The Texans come into this game shorthanded on BOTH defense and offense, and a renewed Hasslebeck has Chris Johnson to hand off to. It may be too much for Houston on the road. Take the home Titans and the -3.

DENVER @ MIAMI

This may be the most scrutinized game in the nation this week. Timmy Terrific makes his very first start for John Foxway’s Broncoids in the state that worships him. You can expect to see plenty of BOTH Gator AND Broncoid Orange in Pro Player tomorrow, but I just DON’T believe in Tebow as an NFL quarterback. I don’t believe in Matt Moore as a NFL quarterback, either. What I think those “lucky” enough to see this epic struggle will see a thoroughly unwatchable game between two bad teams. Miami is favoured by -1, and I’m leaning to the home team to win one of the worst stinkers of the year.

ATLANTA @ DETROIT

Well, you knew it was going to happen. Some upstart team was going to burst the undefeated bubble of the Lions before the TITANIC Thanksgiving matchup with the Packers. And your Cedar Street Seer accurately forecast that last week. I also forecasted a Panther win against these Duckies last week, too.

Well, tomorrow, I’m buying into the Calvin Johnson hype. I, for the first time since I have been writing this blog for PantherFanz, will allow my fingers to hit this name onto this page.

M E G A T R O N.

Damn, I’m such a poser.

The Duckies will not stop this singular receiver. Atlanta has one of the worst pass defenses in the league, and Detroit has one of the BEST passing attacks in the league. Of course, the Panthers helped the Duckies last week with bone-headed errors, which I don’t see duplicated by the home Lions. Detroit is favored by a paltry -3 ½, but there is NO QUESTION. The LEOS WILL ABSOLUTLEY THUMP THE DUCKIES TOMORROW. Mark it down. Chisel it on the side of your house. Key it in the side of your truck. It will happen.

KANSAS SHITTY @ OAKLAND

The Al Davis Memorial Season continues with another game being held in close national scrutiny. Carson Palmer has recently been acquired by the Raiders, and may start this game, after over a year of inactivity. What hamstrings the Raiders even further is their atomic-legged kicker Janikowski could be out of this game. I think the Silver and Black will rally here against a team that truly, truly, sucks. The line is 4 ½, and I’m confident they cover.

PISSBURGH @ ARID-ZONA

The Squeelers return to the site of their last (for decades, I hope) Super Bowl win to face a decidedly diminished Cardy-noles team. However, Pissburgh is also not the same team they were two seasons ago.
I’m not ready to declare an upset in this game. The Squeelers, regrettably, are the better team here. They’ll win, and they’ll cover. Men Of Squeal by -4.

SAD LOOEY @ DALLAS

If the flawed but exciting Dallas Cowboys DON’T ABSOLUTLEY THUMP the pathetic Lambs AT HOME by TWO TOUCHDOWNS , Jason Garrett should be looking for a very uncomfortable meeting with Lord Jerry in the days to come. Not this week friends. Cowboy Nation is happy tomorrow, and will be rejoicing with the Rangers, too…

GREEN BAY @ MINI-SODA

Christian Ponder gets his first start for the Vikings tomorrow. If you’re a true competitor, you LIVE for an opportunity like this. Just imagine! The rookie from Crimminole U beating the WORLD CHAMPION PACKERS!!! And Crazy Joe and BLu get invited by Peter Jackson to guest star in the new “Hobbit” movie!
And Lauren gets hired by MTV to be the new “Snookie” in “Jersey Shore”! Hey, it could happen!

Not.

Green Bay will lose a game this year. But not tomorrow. Packers by -9.

INDIANAPOLIS @ NEW ORLEANS

The “Suck for Luck” campaign gains some traction in the Superdome tomorrow night. Drew Brees’ backup will see some action in the fourth quarter, I guarantee it. Saints by two touches.

BALTY- MOORE @ JACKSONVILLE

Why, oh, why, must we endure another week of crappy prime-time matchups? With a full month before the “flex scheduling” kicks in, we’ve got to wait before we get games worth staying up for. But our friends from the Ravens Flock will be happy. Oh, will they be happy! But I’m sad to see Jack Del Rio go out like this – and further – Jacksonville looks like it will be a franchise on the move. When a city doesn’t support its team, the team leaves. I think the stadium will be half-filled with the Purple and Black for this one. Ravens by -8.

There’s the weekly picks, Fanz! Some of you I’ll see at LaVecchia’s tonight, most of you I’ll see in the lot tomorrow! Enjoy the games, eh!

Last week – 7-6
Season – 52-37

Gotta Comment?
Email me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com

18 October, 2011

A SHOUT OUT TO THE WILDMAN'S INSIGHT...

Good morning, Fanz -

I've finished my morning constitutional with the Charlotte Disturber clenched in my claw-bearing paws, and what do I see on the FRONT PAGE opposite the obvious and deserved attention to Dan Wheldon's tragic wreck at Vegas?



DEFENSE SCHEMING with 3-4 lineups



It was an unlikely scenario envisioned by my wingman from the rural east, the Wildman, after our defense dissovled like Nestle's Quik in the preseason- but it made sense.



Evidentally, Rivera and McDermott were channeling the Wildman, too.


Your normally astute Cedar Street Seer didn't pick up on the three sets debuted on Sunday - (I'll admit to being distratcted by a domestic mess) but I'll be looking for it now.


It would have made PERFECT sense with BEASTON and TD healthy, but now, it seems like a move born of desperation. But at this point, I don't imagine it would hurt to try it more. This weekend's anemic DeadSkins offense would be a great place to start.


That's it, Fanz! I had time to pound out a quick one this morning! Off to my tailgating and season ticket support activity -


KNOWN AS A JOB....



Gotta Comment?
E-mail me, The Cedar Street Seer

CaptnTee@aol.com

16 October, 2011

***sigh*** WE TOOK THE CHEESE, BUT WE KNEW IT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN....

God, I HATE the *^@#$&*_$ Duckies –

***sigh***

I really, really do.

I KNEW that Newton would throw a stinker or two this year –

I just didn’t think it was going to be THIS game –

Last week, Coach Ron extolled his linebackers not the “take the cheese” that the Saints were putting out there with their tight end play –

Well, he should have had McDermott say the same thing to our corners and safties. TWICE, we got called for pass interference IN THE ENDZONE with balls that I’m fairly certain that alligator-armed Roddy White had little chance of catching. The result? The two touchdowns that beat us. Not only did we TAKE the cheese, we sprung the trap wire right on our pointed snouts! A maddening state of affairs, but hey, we knew our defense was garbage. We knew if we couldn’t hold Michael Turner in check, we’d have a tough time. And Newton’s three picks didn’t help. For the first time this season, the hole in the offensive line where Jeff Otah should be got exposed. Sorry Bell. You got exposed today. You are getting extra film time this week, bro, cause guess who’s coming to the Litter Box next week? Uh huh, the STOUTEST defense you may face this year. Sucky offense, yes, but the FredSkins will be tough to score on. We are going to HAVE to keep Cam’s jersey clean to have a chance to win.

It was fun fellowshipping with Dano and company today. It really was. Food was outstanding, the weather in the Ortel Sunroom was sublime, and for the most part, the game was entertaining, but I was certain the Duckies were going to do something stupid to give the Panthers their first victory of the season, but it was US who frittered victory away. A far cry from last year’s hopelessness, but DAMN!

I’m already tired of almosts.

I’m already tired of moral victories.

I’m already tired of empty stats good for fantasy numbers only.

When your team’s THIS competitive, THIS close, YOU WANT TO SEE WINS!

I know we should be patient, I know we should be thankful we’ve got the improving team we’ve got and not the miserable bunch Sad Looey or Miami has.

It’s just getting into that frame of mind. It’s just remembering the successes we once had have spoiled us. This game we adore is ultimately cyclical. I’ll admit I’m not there tonight. I’m more disappointed this evening than I have been since the preseason.

Of course, not only does NFL stand for National Football League, it stands for NOT FOR LONG, and EVENTUALLY we’re going to break through. Hell, the Saints LOST today in Tampa! Jacksonville PUSHED the Squeelers! We are beatin’ SOMEONE, and badly.

Could be next week.

Sometimes, you just need the proper equipment to succeed. For years, I plied my craft with a cheap Aztec airbrush. I rarely achieved my vision for any particular piece. I upgraded to a Paache VL, and improved somewhat. But it wasn’t until I upgraded to an Iwata HP-C did I begin to realize the success I had longed for. Adding a Silentaire A20 compressor made it even easier. I have recently added a German Harder-Steenbeck Infinity to my arsenal, and I RARELY DON’T meet or EXCEED my expectations on ANY project. John Fox and that Panther team were between that Paache and the HP-C. Cam Newton could be that German airbrush in that Crazy Joe metaphoric art world. We just have to use the right air pressure, and the right media with it, and have the right hands controlling the whole apparatus, and the Panthers exceed our expectations every time they take the field.

I know I’m right, but it sucks having to write that every week so far.

I’m struggling with my patience with the learning period this evening. And so are the Panthers. They’re professionals. You’d expect them to.

I’d also expect our party this Sunday to exceed our expectations as we entertain our beloved brethren from the Great White North – Let’s get behind our Panthers and implore them NOT only to refuse the cheese, but SHOVE IT DOWN THE DEADSKINS’ THROAT!

I’m cheezed out, y’all. See you soon with the picks.

Gotta Comment?
Email me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com

14 October, 2011

THE WEEKLY HANDICAP AND OTHER CLARIVOYANCES - WEEK 6

Happy Friday to you all! Week 6 is upon us, and there’s all kinds of exciting showdowns leaguewide!
I’m happy to continue on my winning streak, and my clairvoyance gland is pumping pure Nej-osterone into the system to get you another slate of perfectly visioned picks – Let’s get started –

SAD LOOEY @ GREEN BAY

We begin the day with a pair of mis-matches. This is the fattest line of the day, and a major job of coaching, yes, coaching for both squads. The Packers, as you know, are undefeated. The Lambs, winless. And looking like crap doing so. Steve Spagunolo has just GOT to make his team BELIEVE they can hang with the Packers, and Mike McCarthy has just GOT to make his Packers believe they can get beat by the Lambs. I think he’ll find a way. Reluctantly, I tell you to take the Packers and the -15. It’s a huge line though…

JACKSONVILLE @ PISSBURGH

Here’s another mis-match on paper. This is where the schedule gets kind to a hurting, bumbling Squeelers team. The Jaggy-Whyers look for all the world to me like a team that’s already mailing it in.
Think Blaine Gabbert isn’t a little intimidated at facing even a diminished Pissburgh defense IN Pissburgh? This is the kind of game the Squeelers are SUPPOSED to win. And Mendenhall is back to tote the biscuit. Also reluctantly, I tell you to take that fat line of -12 for the Men Of Squeel.

PHILTHYDELPHIA @ WARSHINGTOON

Incredibly, the Iggles are in desperation mode this early in the season. At 1-4, and WAY behind the division leader, they MUST find a way to overcome the FredSkins AT FedEx Field. They’ve GOT the offense, they are just mistake-ridden. That’s coaching, y’all. It’s also obvious that the Warshingtoon defense is carrying this team. This is going to be a tight, hard fought game decided by field goals and turnovers. Common sense would tell anyone the Skins are gonna win this one. The Force tells me otherwise. Take the Fleeguls and the -1 ½. Clairvoyance is a powerful ally.

SAN FRANCISCO @ DETROIT

True to my vision, the Leos are taking this season as I had predicted. This game will be the biggest challenge of the year to the Lions so far. To most casual observers of the league, Detroit has been a big surprise, but not to those who follow the NFL closely. What HAS been a big surprise to MOST of us not living in the Northern CA area is that the Niners are playing so well. They’ll continue this play as they visit Ford Field this Sunday. Detroit is favored by 4 ½, but I’m thinking the Niners give ‘em a better fight than this. Their steadily improving defense will help keep this a low scoring game, as Gore and co. keep this on the ground. Wouldn’t surprise me to see ‘em win the game, but at least I think they cover. Take the Niners and the +4 ½.

CAROLINA @ ATLANTA

Sucky passing defense, meet the dazzling Carolina offense. Sucky run defense, meet Michael Turner. This is a game that I think favours the Panthers, although I think our desperately thin linebacking corps are going to have a tough time with Tony Gonzales. If our ends can fluster Matty-Melting-Ice enough, it may not matter. Won’t be a blowout, (damnit!) but this is a game I think the ‘Cats can WIN. Wrong team favoured here – Carolina STRAIGHT UP!

INDIANAPOLIS @ CINCINNATI

Well, look who’s 3-2 going into Week 6! Wouldn’t have believed it, but if you do it with defense, it’s plausible. I’m still not sold on their offense, and the Colts are still showing some fight. I don’t like this heavy line favoring the Bungles. The Colts will continue to swing their sword, but might not be enough, but I still think they cover. Take the Colts and the +7.

BUFFALO @ NY GIANTS

The GeeeeeMen have some serious dirt on their face from the game they gave away, literally, to the SeaDogs last week. When you turn the ball over like they did, you can lose to anyone. And Buffalo is one of the hottest turnover-creating teams in the league right now. The Giants aren’t running the ball well, and Buffalo is running it GREAT. The Giants are turning the ball over, and the Bills are getting them. I smell an upset. Take the Bills, STRAIGHT UP!

HOUSTON @ BALTY-MOORE

This is the kind of game the Ravens get REALLY up for. The Texans have now lost their defensive cornerstone in Mario Williams, and that will make it tougher when the Quothers have the ball. And not having Andre Johnson to stretch out that vicious Raven defense will hurt, too. I like the Ravens BIG in this game. Ravens to cover the -7 ½.

CLEVELANDLAND @ CRO—no- OAKLAND

I will no longer refer to the Other Bay City by that derisive name this season. I came THIS close to editing my picks on Saturday when I learned that the Grand Raider Al Davis met his eternal reward, but thought standing by my original prediction would be safer. I was worng. And I spelled wrong, worng, too. I’m not as impressed with the Brownies as I thought I’d be so far this season, but the Raiders are playing good football. I think the “Just Win for Al, Baby!” angle will go far with the players , staff and fans this week. The ’85 Bears wouldn’t win here this Sunday. There’s just THAT MUCH of a karmatic maelstrom favoring the home Raiders. Pick any number above 7. Raiders BIG.

DALLAS @ NEW ENGLANDGLAND

THIS is the game many in the country are salivating over. Many bandwagon Pastry-Rot fans are looking forward to beatin’ the Cowboy’s arse this Sunday, while Cowboy Nation is relishing the opportunity to make a statement to the rest of the NFL fandom. There’s nothing wrong with the Pastry-Rot offense, but Tony Romo leads a pretty potent group, too. I can see a VERY entertaining game scoring into the 30’s for BOTH teams. New Englandgland by -7? POSH! Take the Cowboys and those seven points!

NEW ORLEANS @ TAMPA BAY

Have we seen the REAL Sucky-neers in ‘Frisco last week? The part of me that’s a Panther Fan sure hopes so, but the part of me that’s proud of my clairvoyance is irritated by it. The Saints have been tough for ANYONE to stop, and they’ll keep rolling here. I know 3 consecutive road games are tough to string together, but I believe the Saints have become that good this season. They’re favoured by a paltry 4 ½, I think they blow Tampa Bay out.

MINI-SODA @ CHICAGO

I have some serious clackage goin’ on for the “Mighty” Bears defense. Tell me, WHERE has Julius Peppers been so far this season? CLACK CLACK CLACK! He’s been virtually NONEXISTANT in the five games he’s played. The Vikings came off the shnide last week as AP began to get his game legs. This is a tough game to call, but made a prediction early this year that the Bears would plummet to 4th place. Time to stand by your vision, Crazy Joe! I think Peterson makes the difference, and Mini-Soda gets the win!

MIAMI @ NY JETS

Why, oh why, did you two have to SUCK SO BAD for this Monday Night Game? Usually, these two make for a terrific night’s viewing. This week? Might be unwatchable as Matt Moore makes his debut as a starter for the flopping Fish from F L A. I think the Jets’ defense makes the difference in this contest. Take the J*E*T*S and the -7.

There you go, fanz – place your bets with confidence, and libate your favorite seer with a premium beverage when you see him again, just for gratitude!

See you with the rant on Sunday Night!

Last week – 8-5 (even though San Diego beat Denver, I WRONGLY predicted the manner in which it was done, and gave myself and “L” for it!)
Season – 45-31

Gotta Comment?
E-mail me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com

13 October, 2011

SO - WHAT THE HELL'S A "DUCKIE???"

Greetings, Fanz!

It's been a while since I was STOKED about a Panthers-Duckies game! And hearing pro handicapper Greg Roberts pick the Panthers STRAIGHT UP to "win the game" has got me even MORE pumped! Since we appear to have legions of new Fanz in the lot, and legions of new readers of the Weekly Rantz, I thought I'd drag out this blast from three years ago, when we were going 12-4.

It feels like EIGHT years ago.

At any rate, here's the rant that explains my cutesy but derisive nickname for this weekend's opponent. Enjoy.

For years, many of you have heard me refer to this weekend’s “Vick-tim”, uh, opponent, as “The Duckies” often with a choice explicative, or many. And these words I’ve spoken with vile disgust many times in the history of not only the Panthers, but as a former super fan of the New Orleans Saints franchise. For The Atlanta Falcons have often been the crabgrass in our fescue, the slug on the pavement, the big pile of dogs**t you step in on your way to the door on your first date with that hot girl you finally got the nerve to ask out. The skip in your favorite CD.

The motherf**kin’, piece o’ s**t, rotten donkey ball eatin’ DUCKIES.

So, Crazy Joe, you ask-

Why the Duckies?

It’s a story some of you know, but it’s one I rarely tire of telling.

Let’s go back to 1993-

Jerry Richardson had just been awarded an NFL franchise, and right out of the gate, he hoisted that familiar silver helmet with the cat head on it, and said “Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!!!” Yeah, some of us felt pretty happy on that day- And even as I plopped down 3,500 bucks for MY PSL, I still made regular trips to Atlanta, and sometimes even New Orleans to see my beloved Saints. Lauren was not yet 4 years old at the time, but wanted to come with Daddy to see her first football game. And proud pop that I was, I took that beautiful darling child with me. All through her childhood I took her to at least two games a year which I still do now. She never made a fuss, never cried, was a great sport and loved to cheer even though she was unsure of what she was cheering for. I think she just loved being with Dad in one of his favorite things to do. Our seats in The Georgia Dome were pretty good on that day, and Lauren wanted to meet the cheerleaders, who she identified with, but upon viewing the field, liked the big black “duckie” painted in the middle of the field, and moments later, squealed with joy when she spied the anthropomorphic costumed Falcons mascot trotting along the sidelines. “DADDY I WANNA MEET THE DUCKIE!!” Lauren begged several times during the game. And of course, when I asked Lauren who she wanted to win, she would say “I want the Duckies to win”…

And a name, a cute but insidiously emasculating nickname was born for the most HATED of franchises, even more than the CowPuppies, if you’re a fan of The Carolina Panthers.

Come on now- you know you HATE ‘em! You cannot tell me with a straight face that you HATE, absolutely quiver with rage, at the thought of the Tampa Bay Bucs or New Orleans Saints! While our rivals they are, we’ve managed a good deal of success against THOSE two. The Duckies?

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

A big plop of buzzard doo on our freshly washed and waxed SEL500. Biting into a cockroach that sneaked into our burrito. Dying for a gulp of milk and grabbing the jug not noticing the expiration date was ten days ago…

That’s the Duckies allright…

Of course, I could never get Lauren excited about the Saints, because………….

In 1995 we began that ecstatic first season in Klimpson, and Lauren’s game? That Tropical Storm Jerry - soaked game against The Giants, which we won, 6-3, which had Lauren and I huddled under a poncho munching on waterlogged hotdogs, but she never complained and was looking forward to a post-game trip to Hooters. Sad to say, I had to disappoint her as the rain poured down, flooding much of Greenville’s streets so it was a dangerous proposition. Needless to say, Lauren became not only a Panthers fan, but a big sports fan after that.

And the Duckies, yes, those lousy, awful, heart crushin’ Duckies – were the team we learned to HATE----

Almost as much as DOOK- but that’s for a Tar Heel blog, not a PantherFanZ rantZ….

So now you know-

WHY-

I call The Atlanta FU**LONS –

The Duckies.

This weekend’s opponent.

The team of Christal Chandellier, Warrick Dunn, Alge Crumpler, Keith Brooking, the Jake Killer, Chuck Smith, and worst of all-

VICK.

Up there with the NFC Championship we won, the league championship I won coaching the girl’s basketall team, was CRUSHING the Duckies WITH Vick at QB. My favorite of sports memories.

That’s why it’s ESPECIALLY important for me to see the Panthers win this weekend’s game. It has as much juice for me as any game we will play this year.



BACK TO 2011....


And that's why it's so important to me, year after year. And now, we've got the bona fide cannon to blast these bastards with, much like the Allies had in WW II when we fielded the 90mm tank gun on the M26 Pershing against the once-invincible German Wermacht Tiger Tank. Although Vick no longer plays for them, Matt Ryan gets almost as much brown-nosed ink from the media, which keeps the fires of sport hatred good and stoked for me...

I'm SO looking forward to writing a VICTORIOUS RANT this Sunday!

Keep the faith!



Gotta Comment?

Email me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com

11 October, 2011

FACING REALITY

Your Miss December Pantherfanz needed the box last night, so my rant’s a day late, but I know most of you support Lauren’s continued education as she works towards a career that will afford her own PSL’s.

I, like many of you, drank the Cam-a-lot Kool-Aid as if it were Holy Water. And I will continue to guzzle it, friends! And I encourage all of you to join me in the regular self-induced libation that is Panther Hope, a more intoxicating elixir than our newly created Panther Potion.

But there are some serious realities that have surfaced after the latest disappointing loss. We felt SURE of a victory on Sunday, and with 2 minutes to go in the game, we had a 4 point lead on one of the strongest teams in the league! But then, the stark realization of where we are as a team manifested itself.

We are not a good team.

YET.

Our defense has a huge, gaping hole in it that free agency or waiver wire pickups will not fix this season. Just NOT happening. Remember my pre-season article about changing the recipe? Chef Ron doesn’t have all of the spices in the spice rack to fix HIS kind of cordon-bleu masterpiece. And come to think of it, Chef Ron hasn’t had his own set of knives but just a few months himself. He’s GONNA burn the ratouille once in a while. He’s GONNA have his soufflĂ© fall flat once in a while. But when his kitchen’s fully stocked and staffed, what he makes is gonna be –

SPECTACULAR.

Everyone’s gotta start somewhere. And the great thing about the NFL is that it rarely takes long for a decent organization to go from suck to suck-cess. Hell, it happened to US. And it can happen again. And it WILL happen again. We will surely taste victory again this season. We’ve got the offense in place, we always did. We just had to have the right driver in the seat. And continuing with the food metaphor, I know a crown rib roast with rosemary chutney fromage and pommes du francais with glazed almonds in creamed basil reducto sounds like just the thing to dive into when a drive through for a nice fat Whopper will have to do, and there’s nothing wrong with that. We’ve got a steady diet of Whoppers this year. The Panthers will continue to pile up the yards. We’re built to do that, and we’ll continue to do that. But the reality is, our defensive shortcomings will hamstring us game after game after game until the 2012 draft. I accept this. We can’t do anything about it. The organization, short of the band-aid of waiver wire additions, can’t do anything about that.

But another reality is, that going to a Panther football game is FUN again! Its’ a BLAST! Come on, did you think we WERE’NT coming back from a ten point deficit, even against the Saints? I didn’t. I KNEW we’d get in the endzone again and again. We didn’t have that hope, certainly not LAST year, and not the year before that. For us, the game is more than wins and losses this season. It’s about watching a hatchling beast crawl out of his egg, and sink his tiny teeth into his first unsuspecting prey, a fat juicy worm perhaps, and then progressing to a croaking frog, then a screaming possum, and then a terrified deer. Before we know it, our full-grown predator will be downing titanic sauropods and bellowing to Serge a warning –

We’ve arrived. Don’t think about messing with me anymore!

The harsh reality is, today is NOT that day. The Saints are a better team than us. The Packers are a better team than us. The Bears have better special teams than us. But they ALL came away from their contest with us thankful to have won. And they know the next game may not end the same. And every team on the remainder of the schedule, INCLUDING the Detroit Lions and Houston Texans, are no longer confident they’re notching a “W” after facing the Cam-a-Lots.

I had purposely waited to write this rant until I fully absorbed the CERTAIN Duckies loss to the Packers Sunday night. I wanted to start pounding my verbal drum, baiting the downtrodden Falcons to accept another ass-kicking from our reborn Panthers. But now I’m not so sure of our certain victory. We certainly have more of a chance than we’ve ever had against them, but the fact that we have mediocre talent in the middle of the defensive line, no depth at linebacker, and a mediocre secondary, makes me think it will be another case of last team with the ball wins. Even THAT didn’t help us last Sunday, but the Cam-a-Lots will soon learn to play two-minute football. Another vicious reality. It’s not this week.

And another reality is, I will tire of writing inflating positives week after week after loss after loss.

But knowing the day of deliverance, the day where the memory of the infamous January home playoff game becomes forgotten forever, is coming. It may come sooner than we think and that makes every effort we make, whether it’s Dano dragging the Joker Smoker and his sound system to the lot, to James coaxing the hulking Panther Party Prowler to Cedar Street, to my pounding of the keyboard, worthwhile. That thought is what keeps me, and I hope all of you, going to the game, filling your seat, coming to the tailgate party, and cheering for your Panthers.

And one of the brightest realities of them all, is that day will be wearing the #1 jersey.

Got a blast from the past coming up for the pre-game rant on Duckies week. Stay tuned.

Gotta Comment?
Email me, the Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com

08 October, 2011

THE WEEKLY HANDICAP AND OTHER CLARIVOYANCES - WEEK 5

Well, Fanz, Week 5 is here, and it’s the first of many bye-reduced schedules. Already there are must-win games, statement games, and games not worthy of our attention, unless we happen to be fans of those unworthy participants. One thing remains constant, and it’s my continued winning record.

Let me demonstrate –

KANSAS SHITTY @ INDIANAPOLIS

Here’s one of those games CBS will send their “D” squad to. This game’s got as much buzz as a can of fossilized yella jackets. The Chefs are coming off of a rare win, and the Colts have actually shown some fight since the tussle with Pissburgh – and here’s something unusual – Indy’s actually FAVOURED - Peyton will be patrolling the sideline as an observer and cheerleader, but I don’t think it will make much of a difference – more of a reminder of how far this once elite squad has fallen. But I got a feelin’ with this game – I think the loyal fans will help motivate the Colts to a rare home win against a team that’s reeling as well. I like the Colts to win at home, and I like the -2 ½.

ARID-ZONA @ MINI-SODA

And, here’s another game that I’m sure Sam Rosen will be calling for Fox. For the Cardy-Noles, this is a must-win if they are going to keep pace with the suddenly surging Niners. They blew it against Seattle on the road, they can’t blow this one. For the Vikings, the season may already be done. Arid-Zona can certainly move the ball – they have the better offensive squad, by far. Wrong team favoured in this game – Take the Cardy-Noles and the +2 ½.

PHILTHYDELPHIA @ BUFFALO

As my clairvoyance gland pumps Nej-osterone into my system, the Phillies are continuing to trail in a decisive Game 5 in the NLDS. Should they fail, karma’s malfeasant breath will be breathing on Philthytown. And it may follow the Iggles all the way to Upstate New York. Buffalo’s a bad team to get well on. We’re about to see how the Iggles perform with their wings against the fire – and I’m not confident. Winning breeds confidence, and losing, well –

Wrong team favored here, too. Take the underdog Beels at home and the +2 ½. (Gee, Vegas likes that number this week…)

CrOAKLAND @ HOUSTON

Well, Raiders, you let me down last week. Here’s another bad place to get back on the winning side. Andre’ Johnson may be out, but Arian Foster’s back, and Matt Schaub’s got some other options at receiver. The Texans can’t let this opportunity at home pass – they’re on a mission this year. Take the home team and the -6.

NEW ORLEANS @ CAROLINA

I wish I had more time to write in this blog, because this game deserves some pre-game hype. This contest will possibly be the most entertaining of the day if you like unrelenting offense. The Saints offer it in vast quantities. But they’ve got company at the top of the offensive standings in the league – yeah- that’s right –

US.

I suspect that blitzin’ coordinator Gregg Williams may be forced to contain his blitz considering Sir Cam-a-lot has shown himself immune to it. If the Bears couldn’t sack him, do you think this team can? I see scoring play after scoring play for both sides. I wouldn’t be surprised to see the point aggregate approach 80 – this is why you buy the tickets! It will be a beautiful day, and a beautiful day to be a football fan in Charlotte, North Carolina. The Panthers have been a coverin’ machine this year, and I don’t see Sunday being any different – This is a game we’ve got a real shot to win. Take the Panthers and +6 ½. And somehow, I’m sensing a Shockey edge…. Just sayin’….

CINCINNATI @ JACKSONVILLE

I have this feeling there will be caravans of sun-seeking WhoDeys making the trip southward to a cavernous Jacksonville Stadium to see their defensively stout Bungles best a rapidly fading Jaggy-whyers team. The Cincinnati “D” has actually been in the upper tier of defensive stats this season so far. I expect it to continue. All they have to do is stop MJD, and the job’s done in a LOW scoring contest. Once again, wrong team is favoured here. This Sunday will be the Day of the Dog, I’m tellin’ you. Take the Bungles and the WHOOOOOOOOO DEYYYYYYYYYYYYY 2 ½. Damn, there’s that number again….

TENNESSEE @ PISSBURGH

This game is starting to stink to me. Do you know who number #3 among starting QB’S in the league is this year? I’ll give you a hint – It’s not the big dude with “BERGER” in his name – I’ll give you another hint – it’s a BALD dude with “BECK” in his name. I still think that the Titans are bound to fade this year, but this Squeeler team just looks bad. Without some stalwarts in the defense this week, particularly James Harrison, they are giving up yards in amounts previously unthinkable. They are riddled with injuries, and both lines are a mess. The Pissburgh turnover-creating machine is no more. Meanwhile, Matt Hasslebeck is looking like a player in his prime and is leading this bunch of overachievers as best as he can…. Still….This is the Squeelers, and they’re at home. If they lose this game, you can regard the loss as a bellwether for the season, and it won’t be good – I’d love to see ‘em lose, but I’m leanin’ to the Squeel boys and the -3, which for this contest, is ridiculously small…

SEATTLE @ NY GIANTS

The fattest spread of the week goes to the resurgent GeeeeeeeeeeeeeMen – who entertain one of the worst teams in the league – This is the game you HAVE to win if you are going to keep pace with the Deadskins - Don’t look past these guys, G’ints – I’m confident they cover the -10.

TAMPA BAY @ SAN FRANCISO

Don’t look now, but here’s a game of division leaders that would have been a “meh” game last season. It’s a shame the networks in the Charlotte area will carry the NE-NY game late instead of this one. I was far more impressed with the Niner’s performance than I was with the snoozer Tampa displayed last Monday night. Jim Harbaugh kept the team in OH to prevent jet lag – Seems he was onto something -San Francisco needs to feed the Sucky-neers a heavy dose of Frank Gore and the run game. If Alex Smith doesn’t have to win the game, the Niners win. RIGHT team favoured – Niners by -3.

NY JETS @ NEW ENGLANDGLAND

Bad day to be the Jets. Don’t think Dr. Cheatin’Chek remembers the ass-kickin his Pastry-Rots got last year? The Jet’s offense is horrible, and the weak New Englandgland defense will get well on this one. If Brady can turn enough dink and doink plays into first downs, he gasses the only real threat the Jets possess, and by the fourth quarter, the points begin to pile up. For Brady’s bunch.

SAN DIEGO @ DENVER

If John Fox even considers responding to the chants for Tim Tebow in this Sunday afternoon contest, he will architect his own doom in the Mile High City. Don’t count on it. You’ll see Brady Quinn take the field before Tebow could sniff it. Won’t matter. The Chargers have far more bullets in the arsenal than do the Broncoids. It will be a laugher for San Diego over a team that’s already going to pieces.

GREEN BAY @ ATLANTA

Remember me talking about the tormentor of my youth in this week’s rant? Brother Serge took delight in kickin’ me and my younger brother’s ass. Duckies –

Prepare to be more delightful for Green Bay.

Remember the flashbacks Rocky Balboa had in the third movie of Mr T’s character beatin’ his head in?

The Duckies have them about the Packers stomping their manhood into the Field Turf at the Indoor Duck Pond.

Oh, they’ll put up a fight – for maybe a quarter or two. The Duckies’ defense is weak this year. Uh oh.

Unstoppable Packers win big.


CHICAGO @ DETROIT

I’m not sure that anyone has really grasped this as of yet – the two primetime games this week feature the only two unbeaten teams in the NFL. Regrettably, it’s not against each other – if Detroit and Green Bay continue to win, it won’t be until Thanksgiving day. For this Hankless Monday Night tilt, I see the Bears at a distinct disadvantage. If they had problems stopping Carolina at home, I can imagine what that Detroit offense is going to do to them at Ford Field. Running Forte alone isn’t going to do the job, and I don’t think Martz has enough of his kind of players to dent that nasty Leos D. The line is -6 for Detroit, and they are going to cover. Bring on Thanksgiving!!!

Ok, Fanz – go with the Seer, and you continue to win. Speaking of winning, you AUTOMATICALLY win when you set foot on the Pantherfanz Tailgating lot and join your football poisoned pals and pump yourself up for the game! I’ll see you there!

Last week- 9-7
Season-37-26

07 October, 2011

BAD TASTE

There are folks who LOVE anchovies.


Count me as one of them. Call it an acquired taste, much like cigars, caviar, cognac, raw oysters, certain pungent cheeses, etc.

I will guarantee you this –

Burger King will NEVER sell anchovy burgers.

Baskin Robbins will NEVER market caviar flavored ice cream. Even in Russia.

You will NEVER get an oyster flavored birthday cake at Harris Teeter.

You may wonder where I’m going with this –

If you were hiding under a rock this week, then you didn’t know that Hank Williams Jr. got canned as the opening act for ESPN’s Monday Night Football for a foolishly rendered metaphor concerning a golf summit between the Prez and SOH Boehner. He further inserted his boot in his heavily bearded visage by calling our duly elected executive duo – “The Enemy”. Ok. Hank, you got your message across. You also called Obama and Biden the “Three Stooges”. Did you think one of them was going to reproduce by asexual means such as an amoeba splits itself in two?

Before I go further, let me say that I am a big fan of Hank Jr.’s music. I’ve seen him in concert THREE times and had a blast each time. As I’ve become a rowdy dude that’s settled down, I don’t tend to turn him on as often, but when I do, I’m sure to have a good time listening. I also believe, without a doubt, that Hank had EVERY constitutional right to say what he did. You go, Hank. Speak your mind. Say whatever you want about our president. We’ve been afflicted with maddening political correctness for way too long, and I believe that it’s way past time for EVERYONE to just chill out and thicken our damn skins. I’m also in FULL agreement with ESPN in releasing Bocephus from his bit role for Monday Night. Why?

Because what Hank said, ON AIR on Wednesday was in very, VERY, bad taste.

See where I’m goin’ with this?

No one wants an anchovy burger. No one wants oyster flavored birthday cake. No one wants to guzzle fish flavored soda.

While not making a direct comparison to Adolph Hitler, Bocephus STILL managed to make a statement that made people scratch their heads, and of course, in this wired world, went totally viral in moments. At a time when government should be finding common ground and working together, this man is contributing to the rancid bi-partisanship. Unfortunately, I know quite a few people who agree with Hank, and SOME would be more than happy to empty a 30-round clip into our POTUS and his veep.

That is sad, friends.

An attempt to be maliciously humorous backfired on Hank, and badly.

It’s all about marketing, folks. ESPN, who’s writing the check, is in full right to discontinue his services, if their opening act makes people think of Hitler and Obama chasing birdies. I, for one, don’t tune into sporting events for whoever sings the opening music for the broadcast. So, whether it’s Hank Jr., Justin Bieber, Hairy Beaver, whatever, I’m not interested in who’s doing the opening. I’m interested in the game. Political viewpoints add a noxious taste to wholesome pursuits as sports fandom, meant to be a much-needed respite from the real world.

This isn’t about free speech, folks. Hank’s rights have NOT been infringed on.

It’s about insistence on not selling limburger scented candles…

That’s my view on the story.

And I am SOOOOOO jonesin’ some anchovies on some Saltines….

Back soon with the picks….



Gotta comment?
Email me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com

06 October, 2011

THE CEDAR STREET SEER'S QUARTERLY REPORT - Q1

Good Wednesday to you, Fanz! It’s time for the first quarterly report of this MOST exciting and surprising 2011 NFL season. Can you believe we’ve finished Week 4 already? It feels like preseason just finished! Some things I predicted back in August are holding to form, and there’s some surprises. Here’s my feelings about the state of the league, conference by conference, record by record.

AFC 3-1 – BUFFALO, NEW ENGLANDLAND, BALTY-MOORE, HOUSTON, TENNESSEE, SAN DIEGO

Of these six, I am certain that ONE of these teams miss the playoffs, and perhaps two. New Englandland’s defense will be it’s albatross for the season, but its All-Pro offense will certainly score enough points to offset it in most of their games. And they get a revenge game against the Bills to close the season – AT HOME. The loss at Cincinnati really hurt the Bills. If you are going to challenge for a division title, you MUST beat the lesser teams. Last Sunday was a lost opportunity. I have this feeling that opportunity will grow wings on the Bills a few more times. I’m surprised at the tenacity and ferociousness of the Raven’s defense – I had felt they had gotten old during the offseason, but that “honor” now belongs to their new non-rivals, the Squeelers. Since the demise of Indianapolis, it’s a no-brainer that the Texans would have the opportunity to seize the division – and they’re doin’ a great job so far. Good news- Arian Foster doesn’t seem to be the worse for wear – Bad News – Andre Johnson’s hamstring. They will need their dynamic receiver for the stretch run. I still think that Houston has little resistance to not only securing their first playoff spot, but their FIRST division title! Tennessee’s 3-1 record is a mirage. Count on it. San Diego should have little problem with their division as well, other than two games with the Raiders.

AFC SISTER KISSERS 2-2- NEW YORK JETS, CINCINNATI, CLEVELANDLAND, PISSBURGH, OAKLAND

Of this group, I could only see the Browns and Raiders making any serious playoff movement. If the Jets’ offense doesn’t find it’s bearing, they will find themselves staring at a sub .500 season. So far, QB Sanchez and the offense has been terrible, but the defense has been carrying this team. The Bungles’ defense has also carried their team. .500 is as good as they could aspire to. If the Browns can put a string of good games together, they could challenge for a wild card. They DO have the talent. The Squeelers HAVE gotten old. Their play so far this season illustrates this to perfection. The line play has been deplorable, and I guarantee they will get Worthlessberger hurt worse than he is now. They could conceivably be looking at a high draft pick next year. The Raiders have been impressive on both sides of the ball. I DO see them in contention for most of this season.

AFC 1-3 – UH-OH- JACKSONVILLE, DENVER, KANSAS SHITTY
These three have little hope for a winning season. Jacksonville is lacking talent on both sides of the ball, and is starting a struggling rookie QB. I fully expect this to be Jack Del Rio’s last season as a head coach. John Fox is looking down the barrel of a full-blown QB controversy of his own. What I don’t understand is why Broncoid Nation feels Timmy Terrific would be a savior at the all-important position! Folks, he’s as bad as Jimmy Claussen! And what will suck for Foxy is his boss, John Elway, will probably push him hard to sit Orton down for him! Simply amazing. It will take at least two seasons for Fox to get his “guys” on the team before they start challenging the division. The Chefs are simply out of talent, and luck. They just MIGHT finish high enough to miss the first overall pick in the draft.

AFC ANDREW LUCK SWEEPSTAKES- WINLESS- MIAMI, INDIANAPOLIS

Of these two, I think Miami is the more woebound franchise. If Matt Moore couldn’t carry the Panthers in a full season, I SURE don’t think he can do it on a team with less talent. There’s enough talent in Indy to be competitive, and I think they will avoid the Andrew Luck sweepstakes. I’ve been impressed with Curtis Painter so far, and I think Indy’s female population will be sure to swoon all over this fair-maned fella.

So far, with the exception of the Jets, Squeelers and Ravens, my season predictions are holding to form.


NFC UNBEATENS- GREEN BAY, DETROIT

Ohhhh, how fun this Norris Division is going to be! These two teams have been greatly entertaining to watch – especially the NEW Cardiac Kitties! How, game after game, the Leos are able to crawl out of a seemingly insurmountable hole is a testament to the belief the players have in one another, and the coaching staff. Circle THESE two dates – November 24th, Thanksgiving Day – these two tee it up against each other for the first time, and for the final time to close the regular season an January 1st! What a way to start the new year! I don’t see any reason why these two games wouldn’t be for serious playoff positioning!

NFC KEEPING PACE 3-1- WARSHINGTOON, NEW YORK, TAMPA BAY, NEW ORLEANS, SAN FRANCISCO

You could make a serious argument for all but one of this quintet making the playoffs – The G’ints have been keeping it together even with multiple injury issues, and Brotha Manning has been quite poised. The Saints have been as strong as they’ve ever been – stronger than I’d forecast. I thought the Suckaneers would be performing better than they have statistically, but 3-1 is still a great start. Jim Harbaugh’s Niners are doin’ it with grit and heart – in THIS weak division, it’s definitely plausible for them to take early control of this division. I’m sorry, Skins fans. NO TEAM with Wrecks-Grossman as your starter is going to go far. I’ll admit the defense is playing very well. It will likely keep them from the bottom of the standings.

NFC SISTER KISSERS 2-2- DALLAS, CHICAGO, ATLANTA

Despite absolutely BLOWING a sure-win game last week at home, I still believe the Cowboys have enough talent, drive, and coaching to have a say about what happens in their division. I can’t believe I’m going to do this, but I’m going to defend Tony Romo. He’s starting to grow up quite significantly, and he’s shown the kind of heart that’s going to win not only games, but championships. Just not this year. They’ve got a few pieces they are going to need to return to the NFL’s upper suites, notably – CENTER!!!
The Bears should be 1-3, for real. Carolina gashed that “vaunted” Peppers-Urlacher led defense for 550 yards! If Forte doesn’t run for 200 yards on a bad defense, they lose that game. Chicago will be lucky to get to .500 this season. There’s no real talent on that offense, and I just indicted that overrated defense. Remember when Jake Delhomme got shell-shocked by the Cardynoles in January ’09? Yeah, I’m trying to forget it too, But the Panthers were never the same after that game. I think the same thing may have happened to the Duckies after their absolute disintegration against the Packers in the Georgia Indoor Duck Pond. They don’t come close to resembling the juggernaut they were last year ESPECIALLY on defense, which I will admit brings me great joy. Now that Carolina has found teeth and claws in its offense, the NFC South will be a gauntlet the Duckies may not survive.

NFC UH-OH – 1-3- PHILTHYDELPHIA, CAROLINA, SEATTLE, ARID-ZONA

Almost as much as the media is slathering all over Detroit and Green Bay, the Iggles are taking some serious heat nationally for their underwhelming performance, and Michael Vick is showing why he’ll never be the leader other quarterbacks are. As gloomy as 1-3 looks in Philthytown, 1-3 looks comparatively nova-bright in Carolina! Cam Newton has been so much more than ANYONE had ever thought he would – AND getting the attention of the whole country! This team, without question, is going prime time next year! This new offense has been piling up yards for the ‘Cats in record numbers, and injury notwithstanding, I see no reason why it wouldn’t continue throughout the season. The only thing keeping the Panthers from .500 or better is that wretched run defense. They’ll load up in the draft next year, and then the rest of the division will have to take notice. Seattle is a train wreck, but I think the Cardy-noles will come around enough to challenge the Niners.

NFC ANDREW LUCK SWEEPSTAKES- WINLESS- MINI-SODA, SAD LOUIS

How a team with Adrian Peterson can be 0-4 mystifies me. Can it be coaching? The defense? McSnabb? All of it and more? It’s time to give Christian Ponder the keys, because looking up even the Bear’s ass tells me the season could be close to over. The botched Brett Favre experiment has yielded the bitterest fruit for this franchise. It will take a player like Luck to re-energize this team, much like Newton’s done for the Panthers. I’m also mystified by the Lambs. They had it goin’ on last season, which led me to think that with another season, Sam Bradford would materialize into a top tier QB, with Steven Jackson carrying the mail – Injuries and underachieving performances have put Sad Looey into a hole I don’t think they’ll be able to get out of.

This is the conference I’ve missed BIG with – I was certain that Philthydelphia and Sad Looey would be stronger than they are, but I was laser-precise with Green Bay, Detroit, and Carolina. The Bears still have time to suck more, as do the DeadSkins.

There’s my quarterly report, Fanz! Stay tuned. I feel a pre-game rant coming up, along with the Week 5 picks, sure to be up before Saturday Night. Thanks so much for following your PantherFanz Rantz!

Gotta Comment?
Email me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com

02 October, 2011

GROWING PAINS

My sister-in-law of 30+ years used to say in breathless tones, with sparkles in her eyes –

“It’s all about Serge….It’s ALWAYS about Serge…Isn’t he wonderful???”

I was glad that my older brother had such hero worship from his pretty wife, but DAMN, for years he TORMENTED ME! He was always the better athlete, always got the pretty girls, and always got the attention, either good or bad. He was everything I wanted to be, athletic, good looking, witty, cool, you name it. And for most of my young years he bullied me and had me do his bidding, because, well, he could always kick my ass, and I was a defenseless little twerp. When I took a shine to Janis Rosen back in the summer of ’72, I had almost zero experience with girls, and Serge, right in front of me on the steps of that humble row home on Elbridge Street, cavalierly pulled Janis to his lips to show me how it was done.

I’ll never forget Janis’ response –

It was as if Fonzie himself gave her a smooch.

I tried to duplicate Serge’s suave labial exercise, but didn’t come close. For the next two years, I continued to look up to my older brother, and to his credit, taught me a lot of cool things, mischievous things, and let me play sports with him and his friends, but still, he was my commander until one afternoon in ’74 when he finally pissed me off so bad, I got him on the ground after a scuffle. By that time, I was “Little Joey” no more. I had finally reached my adult height, and thanks to a job that required me to sling heavy supplies around, became quite strong for my age. After ’74, I never lost a fight in school again.

Serge bothered me no more after that day, and we became road warriors, often competing with each other for the same girls, and having a blast doing it. He regarded me an equal from then on.

I thought of this today, as I watched the “Little Kitties” keep pace with the Bears as the offense went effortlessly up and down Soldier Field. I watched with delight as Jeff Otah, play after play, stood up Julius Peppers, who, for not a hand on a field goal attempt, was pretty non-existent. I’m unsure if he even made a tackle! Yes, Cam made a mistake or two, most glaringly, a pick-six from a ball thrown too high, too close to the end zone. We’re expecting this. The defense was POROUS against the run. Again, we expected this. What many in the Illinois expected, was an ass-kickin’ supplied by the Monsters of the Midway.

What actually happened was a game that was dominated statistically by the Panthers, who AMASSED OVER 550 YARDS OF OFFENSE! I don’t think Cam Newton’s jersey was even soiled! Hell, I don’t think the Bear’s defense even got close to him! At one point in the first half we were down a whopping 14 points. In the past, even in the John Fox years, that usually meant an ass kicking. But today, I NEVER thought for a moment that we couldn't come back from that, and sure enough, in the third quarter we cut that lead all the way to ONE STINKIN' POINT!!! Yet, for the ease in which “little brother” Panthers moved the ball, the “big brother” Serge, uh, Bears, had something they did infinitely better than we did. One, they ran the ball down our throats. We absolutely COULD NOT STOP Matt Forte. Two, they had electrifying special teams that we could not stop. We simply couldn’t kiss Janis Rosen as well as the Bears could.

But back in 73’, one year and four girlfriends after Janis, I got the same breathless response from pretty little Lisa Robinson, and it took off from there. It sucked to see Serge show me how much better he was, and it sucked to see the Bears beat us in those phases of the game. We are THE YOUNGEST TEAM IN THE NFL, y’all. We are just now getting our legs. The mistakes we’re making, the things Cam and Coach Ronnie and his staff are learning, all add up to growing pains for this young, exciting team. When you get tired of getting a bloody nose, you learn to hit hard enough to make the bullies leave you alone, at least respect you. And I think these Panthers are on the way. This collection of youngsters and some veterans is going to start jelling, and jelling well after the Week 9 bye. We’re going to start kissing WAY prettier girls than Janis Rosen…

Now, I’m not the kind of whiner who blames a loss on referees. I’m sure there are going to be legions of fans that are going to bitch, whine and moan about the call Jeremy Shockey received early in the fourth quarter, taking the winning touchdown off the board. Was it ticky-tack? You damn right it was. But you have to “keep swinging your sword” as Foxy used to say. You have to STOP somebody. Even if you’ve amassed 500+ yards, your receivers other than Steve Smith have to CATCH THE DAMN BALL –

Do that, and it doesn’t matter what the refs call, to a large degree.

They will learn. It’s part of the growing experience. It’s a rookie head coach, a rookie QB, and new players learning each other. And instead of stumbling, we will run like cheetahs. And it will start materializing THIS year. SOMEBODY, SOME TEAM, is going to get whooped by us when they are so certain it’s THEM that administer the gluteal discomfort. And after our next draft, we will be start becoming FORMIDABLE. I see it.

I feel it with everything in my body.

Here’s the ONE thing that I REALLY like after today’s game. Bus Master James, attending the viewing at BLu’s house, starts checking his Twitter account, to hear reports of an angry, surly, majorly disappointed locker room. GOOD! Let them resolve to make this the LAST bloody nose they get! We ALL were disappointed with the outcome, but DAMN, we were actually FUN to watch today! The outcome of the game was in doubt right up to the final minute, and I’m sure every game we play this year will be the same. I guarantee you, there’s not a team on our schedule that thinks the Panthers are an automatic “W” anymore. And I guarantee you, there’s not a team on our schedule that are we are not capable of beating. Not anymore.

Who knows, perhaps the Saints are the “big boy” team that gets put on the ground by “Little Joey” next week.

But for now, we live with the fact that Serge once again bested us. But we are sooooooooooo kicking his ass one day, and soon….


(for the record, let it be known that in 1996, for the opener against the HATED DUCKIES, Serge and I invented ------


You got it -------


THE CLAW..............................................)




Gotta comment?
Email me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com

01 October, 2011

THE WEEKLY HANDICAP AND OTHER CLARIVOYANCES - WEEK 4

I’m wore out, both physically and mentally from this bonzai up to Philadelphia for my grandmother’s funeral. But I’m back home early enough to sneak the quick picks in before midnight. I’m confident I can keep this winning streak going, as I went 9-7 last week. I won’t break these down like I usually do as I don’t have the time or the mental energy to do that, but the Force still flows strongly from my clairvoyance gland -

Here we go fanz, place your bets with confidence –

DETROIT @ DALLAS

Dallas’ offense took a beating from the Deadskins last Monday night, but their defense has definitely improved. Detroit is bringing a potent offense and nasty defense. This is more and more looking like the Leo’s year. Dallas is favored by 1 ½, but I like the Lions to win straight up!

NEW ORLEANS @ JACKSONVILLE

The Jaggy-whyers are a mess. And getting messier. The Saints are getting their legs under them, and I would advise you to take the visiting favorite and the -7.

SAN FRANCISCO @ PHILTHYDELPHIA

Whiny Mike Vick says he’ll play. Maybe he’ll get some calls this week. I do think that the Niners keep this close. 8 ½‘s a heavy spread, and I’m thinking San Francisco covers.

WARSHINGTOON @ ST. LOOEY

But for some stupid mistakes made on both sides of the ball by Warshingtoon, they’re 3-0 going into this game at the TransWorld Dome. It may be foolish, because I KNOW the Deadskins are the better team, but like I said the week before, I cannot favor a team that Wrecks-Grossman starts for. I’m picking the Lambs to win. They HAVE to get off the schnide sometime. Tomorrows’ the day.

TENNESSEE @ CLEVELANDLAND

Losing WR Kenny Britt has GOT to hurt the Titans, especially since overpaid Chris Johnson has yet to show up. He likely does the same tomorrow. As I have every game so far this season, I CAUTIOUSLY lean to the Brownies…

BUFFALO @ CINCINNATI

If the Bills are for real, this is a game they have to win. The Bungle’s offense isn’t very productive, but their defense is fairly stout. Many pundits are picking the Bungles in a letdown game for Buffalo, but I’m not a pundit. I’m the Cedar Street Seer, and I have faith in the Bills. Take ‘em and the -3 on the road.

MINI-SODA @ KANSAS SHITTY

One of these 0-3 teams is going to win tomorrow. I will choose the team with Adrian Peterson.

CAROLINA @ CHICAGO

The Bears have been vastly underachieving this season so far, with their lone win coming over the dysfunctional Duckies. Their offense isn’t moving the ball that well, and Carolina’s defense hasn’t been nearly as bad as we’d feared. If we can force Cutler into some turnovers, I think the Panthers keep this close. On this day, Julius Peppers meets his match in athletic freakishness in Cam Newton. Panthers to cover the +6 ½.

PISSBURGH @ HOUSTON

The Squeelers looked ordinary against a vastly undermanned but determined Colts team last week. Perhaps they will be more motivated against a team of superior talent. That beat-up Squeeler O-line won’t hold up to the Texan’s blitz. Take the Texans and -4.

ATLANTA @ SEATTLE

The good news for the Duckies is that they will be on the SeaDogs’ fast turf. The bad news- this is a team that STILL doesn’t have its legs yet. The running game hasn’t materialized, and Ryan isn’t playing up to his standard. More good news for the Duckies – the SeaDogs SUCK. I hate to take them and the 4 ½, but I believe Atlanta gets well with this game.

NY GIANTS @ ARID-ZONA

The GEEEEEEEMen were very impressive in their win last week against the Feeguls, as all phases of their offense began working for them. And Manning gets another of his favorite targets back this week in Mario Manningham. The Cardy-noles looked bad against a team they were easily better than. I like the Noo Yawk Football Giants to clobber these guys.

MIAMI @ SAD DIEGO

The Chargers definitely underachieved against the Chefs last week. They won’t make that same mistake this week. Boltz big.

DENVER @ GREEN BAY

There’s nothing the Broncoids have that would be more than a speed bump to the Packers. The beat goes on, and fans in the front row seats will continue to slap on happy Packer jumpers. Packers cover the -12 ½. Easily.

NEW ENGLANDGLAND @ OAKLAND
The Pastry-Rots played an uncharacteristic sloppy game last week, enabling the Bills to take control of the division. Now they have to go to the West Coast to take on a vastly improved Raiders squad. The New England defense has been near the bottom of the league standings this year, and I believe Oakland takes advantage. Hey, the Raiders have been covering for me all year, take the Raaaaaaaaaaaiders to cover the 4 ½.

NY JETS @ BALTY-MOORE

This is a bad night for the Jets to find their offensive legs against a Ravens team that’s been re-energized on both sides of the ball. I think this will be a low scoring game that the Ravens will prevail in. By 3 ½ points.

INDIANAPOLIS @ TAMPA BAY

This may be another of those games that will be over before halftime. Take the Bucs and the -10.


Ok, fanz, I’m done. I’m going to let my brain melt into the UNC-ECU match. Enjoy the games tomorrow.

Last week - 11-5
Season - 28-19

Gotta Comment?
Email me, the Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com