24 December, 2013


A sea of unusually boisterous golf fans line the tee box all the way to the green of a long par-5 on a top championship course.  The familiar figure, with his ubiquitous red shirt and black slacks uncorks his long, chiseled body, and hits a MASSIVE drive, splitting the fairway 400 YARDS!!! (Dano says – what a piker – I can hit it THAT long after a five-day DRUNK!!!) The crowd erupts in a massive cheer – He’s on his way to holing out yet another tournament title – His playing partner is a good 75 yards back. Woods hits his second shot to the green well within makeable putting distance – His opponent has to hit a masterful fairway wood to have a chance – and does.

And Tiger


Three putts.

His opponent, a portly, aged, once-was, with his belly flopping over his belt onto his knickers holes a magnificent putt and takes the trophy. Game over, Tiger Woods.

You didn’t finish.

Panthers –

Don’t be THAT Tiger Woods.

Mike Tyson is in the prize fight of his life – a one-time amateur fighting him is barely hanging on, round by round – absorbing punishing blow after punishing blow by the most fearsome puncher in the sport, loses every round – By the 15th round, Tyson is toying with him thinking it’s in the bag. The unknown pugilist from Escodera la Mar Republica de Bananas lands a perfect punch to his chin – and Iron Mike lays cold on the mat.

KO – Ernesto “Le Mancha Pescadores Grande” Rodriguez wins his only prize fight and becomes a body guard for a prominent Mexican drug cartel.

Tyson didn’t finish.

Panthers –


Kevin Harvick, the new Stewart-Haas Sprint Cup driver takes his new #39 Chevrolet to Victory Lane in Daytona – As an official supplier of product to SHR, SMI Properties is given a rush order of 1200 premium polo shirts with Harvick’s number and sponsors embroidered on it. The Embroidery department manager gets the product and pushes it through – the shirts are all stitched in time but there’s a problem – Joe Nejberger, the department manager didn’t schedule enough garment trimmers to get the shirts finished and bagged and barcoded –

The order doesn’t get to the SHR distribution center in time and they are very unhappy.

Joe didn’t finish the order.



Happy Holidays, Fanz –

It’s nice to have a ten-day break so that I can pay a little more attention to the blog, so I’ve got this particular vision in mind as we near the final game of the regular season – and this vision only.


I watched with particular concern last evening as the Duckies gashed the vaunted Phoney-Niners  defense again and again, coming within a scant 3 points with a mere 90 seconds or so to play – A HUGE defensive play keeps the Niners from disaster in their final home game at Candlestick Park. And my mind fast forwarded to this Sunday.

This could be us.

And – on the other end of it. That can’t happen.  Not after the magnificent season we’ve put together.
I’m going to admit I had, and still have a certain amount of trepidation going into this Sunday’s game –
Despite all of the stats and trends pointing to a Panther Victory – I’m reminded of a few things –

This game is being played at the Duck Pond, a place we’ve historically been awful at. This will be Tony Gonzales’ final game. They are BOUND to be absolutely GEEKED to perform well for him. Matt Ryan, despite the wretched year he and his Duckies have had, has not quit on this team, as evidenced last night. They certainly detest us as much as we do them, and nothing would make a terrible season a bit more palpable than to F**CK up our playoff seeding. There’s more than a reasonable sense that this smells of upset –


I’m comforted in the fact that the Panthers got to see something in their locker room after our slugfest in the Carolina Monsoon last Sunday – Seattle, getting their ASS HANDED to them by the CARDY-NOLES in a place they were supposedly INVINCIBLE at! I’m also sure they paid attention to the Ravens looking TERRIBLE at home in a game they HAD to win. And I KNOW they’ve scouted the Duckies last night. The one thing I take the greatest comfort of all in is hearing Riverboat tell his team, more than three times in his locker room speech –


I’ve got this feeling that he feels this more acutely than anyone on this team, and the team tends to follow him. While Cam may have earned the trust of his teammates now, I feel that Rivera has also earned that trust – Part of the reason that the Panthers have had a successful season is Riverboat’s propensity to go for it on Fourth Down – AND MAKING IT – I don’t have to remind you that he elected to punt last week – WITH TWO MINUTES TO GO – and at first, the fans and team were aghast – but as evidenced by the final results, our trust in Rivera was rewarded. I think the team knows what we have to do.

Finish in one putt.

Knock that banana-picker on his ass.

Get Kevin Harvick’s Daytona shirts to SHR in time.

Finish it.

Give the Duckies no hope, no chance, no question about who is the better team, and make that statement IMMEDIATELY from kickoff whether it be offense, defense, special teams. Play hard, clean, and within yourselves. Just like we have all year.  You will have an added bonus too, Panthers – it’s almost a certainty that the Georgia Dome will be half-filled with Panther Fans, as the fair-weather Duckie fans will long be looking for something better to do. We will be there, and cheer loud.

We will help you finish it.

And the reward – two weeks to heal, extend the season, and a very, very, real chance –

To finish. Something far, far, bigger…

I wish you all, dear readers, the Merriest of Christmases. We’re in the playoffs –

Merry indeed.

And some of you – I’ll see on the battlefield this Sunday –


Gotta Comment?

E-mail me, The Cedar Street Seer


No comments: