THE CEDAR STREET SEER'S QUARTERLY REPORT - FIRST QUARTER

Hello, FanZ !

Just in case you thought I wasn’t paying attention, here’s the very first Cedar Street Seer Quarterly Report on the NFL. There’s some familiar faces, some surprises, and a little clairvoyance thrown in. Read on.


THE UNDEFEATEDS

INDIANAPOLIS, NY GEEEMEN, NEW ORLEANS, MINI-SODA, AND !!!??? DENVER????!!!! (4-0)
What’s not particularly surprising is that the G’ints, Colts, and Saints started off strong. I’m not particularly surprised that Favre had a good game or two. I’m SHOCKED that the Broncoids have zoomed outta the gate like they have. I will now never, ever, discount the value of a really inhuman safety that’s made up primarily of heart and will like Brian Dawkins. And his fire and attitude are catching on in the Mile High City. I don’t expect the G’ints, Colts or Saints to fade – they should be in good shape for most of the season for January football. I still think the 40-year-old diva in Mini-Soda hits the wall by Week 8, and I’m still not 100% sold that Denver has all of the offensive pieces they need to be a late January factor.


THE 3-1 TEAMS

NY JETS, NEW ENGLANDLAND, BALTY-MOORE, CINCINATTI, CHICAGO, AND SAN FRANCISCO
There was no question, really, that the Pastry-Rots and Ravens were gonna be good. I had counted on marked improvement by the Niners, and defensive fire from the J*E*T*S, but I’m REALLY surprised by the effort and heart shown by the BUNGLES! That signature win over the Squeelers needs to be the rallying point for the rest of the season. I also didn’t think Jay Cutler would acclimate himself to the Bears so quickly. Of these six, I feel pretty confident of NewEnglandland and Balty-Moore going into January, and I got a fairly good feeling about the Samurai Niners. I don’t feel so good about Chicago and Cincy. They’re in divisions with two tough teams that will surely overtake them, but stranger things have happened. Still gotta feel pretty good if you’re a Bungles or Bears fan.


THE SISTER KISSERS @ 2-2

JACKSONVILLE, HOUSTON, PISSBURGH, SAD DIEGO, DALLAS, WARSHINGTOON, GREEN BAY

At 2-2, you are in ok shape in this league, if you happen to be trending up, like Jacksonville and Houston. Jacksonville is playing far better than I had anticipated, and if the Texans can gain some consistency, they will make the AFC South pretty interesting. The bad thing is, if you’re Houston or the Jaggy-whyers, you’re fighting for a wild card spot, because you AINT catchin’ the Colts. The Squeelers have momentarily rediscovered their run game with Mendenhall, and if this continues to trend up, Balty-Moore needs to increase their intensity. In what looked like a gift-wrapped season for Sad Diego, now looks like a Sisiphysian task to catch Denver. Still could happen, the season is early. And it’s a good thing the Packers got the Brett Favre game out of the way early. When they get him again in November, he’ll be starting to wear down, I promise. Dallas has SERIOUS problems defensively, and it’s becoming clearer and clearer, not only to the casual fan, but the locker room, that Romo The Homo is just not a DALLAS COWBOY quarterback, whatever that is. Could be defined with another rant. The receiving corps is also not a DALLAS COWBOY receiving corps, either. And the Dead Skins are lucky to be at this point. They are bad, plain bad. These two long-time rivals have no shot at January football.


UH-OH, THE 1-3 TEAMS

MIAMI, BUFFALO, CrOAKLAND, DETROIT, SEATTLE

Of these five, only Miami has a shot at postseason. Detroit’s improvement is a nice story, but it ends in December with another losing season, but it looks like sunnier days are ahead for the Motor City, honest. Seattle is a serious rebuilding project, and Buffalo is a perpetual rebuilding project. Al Davis. ‘Nuff said.


WOE AND FOUR – THE WINLESS TEAMS

TENNESSEE, CLEVELANDLAND, KANSAS CITY, TAMPA BAY, SAD LOUIS

There’s no surprise that the Brownies, Chefs, Suckaneers, and Lambs are in this group. I though KC would be a bit better, but the rest are all major rebuilding projects, and are doomed to be the leagues’ bottom feeders for the rest of the season. But perhaps the biggest shock of the season is the state of the Titans. I would have bet the PantherFanz Party Prowler that Tennessee would be at LEAST 2-2 at this stage of the season. I just cannot believe that a Jeff Fisher team is winless in the first quarter of the season. Unbelievable. I still think an 8-8 season is possible for these guys. There’s just two much talent on this team to go winless much longer.


THE INCOMPLETES – TEAMS THAT HAVE (already!) HAD A BYE

PHILTHYDELPHIA (2-1) ATLANTA (2-1) CAROLINA (0-3) ARID-ZONA (1-2)

The good news for the Iggles is that they have only the G’ints to worry about, and as long as they don’t let TrickyVicky be a distraction, they should be in good shape. The Duckies not only have the Saints to sweat, but a brutal schedule. They’ll be lucky Duckies to get out of this season at 9-7. Although John Fox has climbed out of deep holes before with the Panthers, something feels different about this team, and if they do NOT win this Sunday, I see the bottom dropping out. The Cardy-noles now have to contend with a resurgent Niners team that already has a win over them. And isn’t Kurt Warner at the point where he should be hitting a wall? History has not been kind to Super Bowl losers, and I’m thinking it has it’s malfeasant gaze upon these Redbirds.


So, who do you like, oh Cedar Street Seer?



If things stay to form, I think the division wieners in the AFC will be New Englandland, Indianapolis, Balty-Moore, and (ulp!)









AHHHH I JUST CAN’T DO IT!!! I CAN’T PICK THE BRONCOIDS AS A DIVISION WINNER!


San Diego.

The wild cards will be Pissburgh and the J*E*T*S

In the NFC, the division winners will be Noo Yawk, Noo Awlins, Green Bay, and SAMAURI FRISCO. The wild cards will be Philthydelphia and Mini-Soda.

There you go, PantherFanz, the state of the league from someone who STILL geniunely cares about this game, and will continue to do so for a long time to come...

Stay tuned for the weekly handicap...