Well, I've done it, FanZ –
I've achieved the sister kissin' .500 season aggregate for the season. What SHOULD have materialized went terribly wrong for exactly HALF of all the games I handicapped. Uggh. Just like the rant that preceeded this post, I know what's coming, and I've become indifferent. I'd better hurry – The NFL Network is fixin' to air the Bears/Niners game – so….
CHICAGO @ SAN FRANCISCO
The Bears are who we thought they were! THEY ARE WHO WE THOUGHT THEY WERE! THAT'S WHY THE NINERS ARE GONNA TAKE THE FIELD! AND CROWN THEIR ASS! Both teams are reeling from beatdowns at crucial junctures of their seasons. The loser will pretty much have to start thinking about the draft. Sorry, Bears. Niners by three.
JACKSONVILLE @ NY JETS
Jacksonville barely escaped the Chefs last week, and this weekend, will have to go to play a rested Jets team that has to make a statement. Even without Kris Jenkins they should be able to squelch the Jaggy-wyers ground game, which should do it. Jets by -7
DENVER @ WARSHINGTOON
The Broncoids have dropped two in a row, albeit to good teams, and Pissburgh is now starting to come into their formidable selves. And the DeadSkins are reeling. Even with the short week, Orton and Co. should be able to handle these guys. Never fear, the cover is here. -3 ½ for the Broncoids.
CINCINATTI @ PISSBURGH
And SPEAKING of the Squeelers, a revenge game awaits – Don't think they've forgotten the loss early in the season in Cincy-
They will play like it. I don't expect a huge blowout, but I DO expect the Bungles to come up short. Pissburgh by -7.
BUFFALO @ TENNESSEE
I did not see the rejuvenation of Vince Young coming down the pike. Not many folks did, including the ones with great hair and $10,000 suits. And Chris Johnson is back to being Chris Johnson. How does that bode for the visiting Bills, who now have the whiny T.O.'s widdle hip hurtin? Not too good. Don't like the Bills at all. Take the Titans, the re-energized Titans, and the – 6 ½.
DETROIT @ MINI-SODA
Like I said before, every time I take the Leos against the spread, they lose. Like last week. And like this week. Vikings big. -16 ½ big.
NEW ORLEANS @ SAD LOUIS
If there was ever a time for the Saints to take a break, it's now. I know the Lambs are bad. Dead Dog's Breath bad. But I just don't see the urgency of the team going into the Lamb's dome and - ahhhh I ain't gonna do it. Saints cover the -13 ½.
ATLANTA @ CAROLINA
Running game? Check. Vastly improving defense? Check. Passing game?
Uh Oh.
The failure of Jake Delhome becomes more magnified with each successive game. And we will need a decent passing game to beat these guys, who by the way, have a pedestrian pass defense. It's like having a date with the hottest SI model and having erectile disfunction. It's not rocket science, y'all. Eight, even nine defenders takes care of Stewilliams. Ball game. The line is a weenie 1 ½, and I'm convinced this is another day for the Duckies. Who I still HATE with a WHITE-HOT PASSION…
TAMPA BAY @ MIAMI
Too bad the Battle of Florida doesn't have more juice. Even the Suckaneer's beatdown of the Packers last week doesn't sweeten this matchup. I think the Michigan Man and his fishies take care of the Sucs handily. -10 handily.
KANSAS CITY @ CrOAKLAND
I realize AGAIN that I 've taken every favorite so far – Not this time – The Chefs have actually been in most of the games they've played as of late. The AfRaiders have not. Too bad the game's not at Arrowhead. Chefs STRAIGHT UP!
SEATTLE @ ARID-ZONA
Funny, this year, the Cardy-noles have been great on the road, and sucky at home. Trend changes this weekend. The Seadogs, despite the Detroit beatdown last week, are mediocre, borderline bad. This is a statement game for the RedBoids, who take care of the -8 ½ points.
PHILTHYDELPHIA @ SAN DIEGO
What a monstrous win for the Bolts last week! And a crushing loss for the Iggles! A loss in this game really cripples the division hopes for the loser. Philthy's no easy out, nor are the Chargers. I would expect Rivers to be able to beat that Iggle blitz most of the time, while the rejuvenated Charger D should be able to pressure McSnabb and Co. I like the Bolts and -2.
DALLAS @ GREEN BAY
Before last week, I thought there was no way the Cowpuppies were coming to The Tundra and melting the Cheese. AFTER last week, they had better. I can't believe I'm sayin' this, but Dallas is the better team. All the way around. And I think they'll blister the hapless offensive line that's simply offensive. Which means Rogers has a long day. Too bad. Cowbabies, BIG.
BIG MONSTER MEGA-HYPE GAME WITH BRADY'S BOYS AT MANNING'S CASA
What more could I add to this? Without Bob Sanders, the Colt defense is ordinary. And it takes an extraordinary defense to corral this NewEnglandland juggernaut. It's perfectly reasonable to favour the Colts – but I think the Pastry-Rots win this one. I've become a believer in the importance of that dominating safety, which Indy's just lost.
BALTY-MOORE @ CLEVELANDLAND
How'd we get THIS matchup for Monday night? Uggh. It's imperative for the Ravens to put the Brownies away if they are going to have any chance at playing for a wild card spot, because catching the Bungles or Squeelers is going to be tough, if not impossible. And the return of Brady Quinn makes absolutely NO difference.
Quothers by -11, no problem.
What a wimpy forecast. I went against the spread only twice this week. Let's see where that gets me.
Meanwhile, I'll see yers at the lot.
Last week – 7-6 (half point saved me from total doom)
Season 65-63 BARELY above Sister Kissin'!
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E-mail Me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
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