December 15, 2008
In the past, a tremendous effort like the one put forth by our Panthers against the Bucs last Monday night would often be followed by a thud, a clunker of a game the following week, as it goes with many teams. Many folks in the media and in Panther Nation expected much of the same thing yesterday, with the huge game against the GEEEMen looming NEXT Sunday night.
I did not.
The fact that New York was constantly mentioned, and referenced by the same media and fans, brought forth the same rebuttals from Foxy and Co. – “Our focus is on Denver”, as it should have been. The buzz has been on the New York Giants ever since the end of the Buccaneers game, and has steadily increased in vociferousness daily. But for those of us who had not lost sight on the following opponent, the trends in both the Panthers and Broncoids were apparent, and I didn’t think the game was going to be close. But we STILL had to keep a laser beam focus on the Coloradians, and get them out of the way.
Right again, Cedar Street Seer.
What was great to see was the balance of rushing and passing, continuously keeping that Denver defense guessing, and pure, unadulterated Foxball was the prescription for victory. Greater still to see was the defense SHUTTING DOWN one of the leagues’ more potent offenses. Not once, not after the Broncoids’ first TD, not after they took a 10-7 lead in the first quarter, did I EVER think the outcome was in doubt. I never questioned the coming beatdown, because I believed, and strongly, the mismatches that favoured a resounding Panther victory! I won’t break the game down in this rant as it’s been done ad nauseum over and over by all of the media outlets you pore over after a game like this, and I won’t be telling you anything new. So now, as this version of the Carolina Panthers closes out the season, I again revisit the progress of this team. What’s decidedly different about this edition, over that of the past teams, including ’03 and ’05?
1-The running attack is the best it’s ever been, and that’s also because of the best O line we’ve ever assembled.
2-The offense is producing points at a level that’s also record-setting.
3-The defense, while not as dominating as say the ’03 version, has the center of it’s strength in the linebackers and safeties, and not the D line, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing.
4-We’ve regained the home field advantage, and in a big way.
5-We’ve come from behind, late in games, to rally, and win.
6-So far, we have managed to handle prosperity, and the white hot spotlight.
7-This collection of athletes exemplify “TEAM”, and there is no shortage of good, veteran leadership. The value of that can’t be overemphasized enough.
Even in our championship seasons, there’s always been a late season swoon where inexplicably, the Panthers would lose two or three in a row, and have to rally to make the playoffs. That scenario just doesn’t exist this season. It’s a rarified event, for the Panthers to be 11-3 with just two games to go. And looking damned good doing it. So, with Denver firmly sealed in the record book for the season, at last, we can start thinking about the Giants.
And it’s put me in a New York state of mind. A week late, to be sure, but now I’ve joined the rest of Panther Nation that was fixated on the BEEEG APPLE right after the Bucs were beaten.
While some would argue with me, I think Gotham is clearly the center of the football universe. Come on, TWO NFL teams call Giants Stadium home! It’s a traditionally difficult place to play, ESPECIALLY in December, where the cold winds swirl about the bowl, and the hostile but passionate fans create a true home field advantage. Ownership has deep pockets and is not adverse to writing big checks for desired players. The market is huge, and is ALWAYS featured in primetime viewing. The media’s glare is continuous and unfaltering on New York teams, and oh, by the way, most of your major networks (not FOX) are based there. Playing a New York team IN New York is always a big deal, and is usually motivation enough for teams going there. And here, here in Gotham City, is where our Panthers are headed in six days for the biggest regular season game of the existence of the franchise. I’m not sure I need to tell you what the stakes of this game are- and how simple our destiny is. With this team we have, the road-grading defensive line, the explosive running backs supported by that line, the leadership of Jake Delhomme, one of the winningest big game quarterbacks in the league, and our hard-hitting safeties and linebackers, we are poised to make one big statement about this team in a season that’s with every passing week appears to be one that has been lovingly touched by a very benevolent karma.
All we have to do is win this game. That’s all. If we win, the NFC path to Super Sunday MUST go through OUR stadium! How incredible, after the wretched stink of last season, would that be! And it’s within our grasp! I no longer think the Giants are the unbeatable juggernaut as the wounded and flawed teams from Philthydelphia and Dallas have beaten them, and soundly. Something has happened to the cohesiveness and effectiveness of the G’ints personnel- and now I’m thinking there’s matchups that are going to favour the Panthers this Sunday Night. This isn’t a team we’re going to get into a shootout with. This is a game that is going to be very, very physical, and one that I believe this team is capable of playing. And it starts with those FIVE GUYS I ranted about last week. IF they can continue the blocking and pass protecting they’ve been providing for the past three games, there’s little doubt about the outcome. There’s one more factor. Our defense will HAVE to make plays, and I think they understand fully what they must do. They’ve done it against four of the NFL’s most prolific offenses, and been victorious. I think they do it again. Of course, the play of Julius Peppers remains the wild card. If he has one of those dominant performances again, it will be tough for the G’ints to overcome us. For the past three weeks, the team has been up to the tasks of increasingly vital games to the playoff push. A dramatic win in Green Bay. A resounding victory at home to the Bucs. A balanced beatdown of the Broncoids yesterday. And now, New York looms. How vital are the next two games to the season? Incredibly enough, should we stumble this weekend, and then collapse to the Saints the following Sunday, there’s a real chance, that at 11-5, we miss the playoffs, depending on what the Buckies, Duckies and Cowpuppies do. I can’t fathom that happening. This team is getting hot at precisely the right time, playing a team that is stumbling at the worst time. Similar to the swirling karmatic flows and eddies of the season, I firmly believe the game favours the Panthers, and that’s not just x’s and o’s. That’s part of the Cedar Street Seer world, of which you live in.
The end is in sight, Fanz! It’s like Dorothy Gale and her Ozian friends exiting the dark forest where the Cowardly Lion lived and seeing the Emerald City for the first time! Except that we won’t be asking any wizard for anything when we get there-
WE’LL BE TAKING IT.
And it will bear itself out Sunday Evening. Godspeed to Dano and James and any other PantherFanz heading to the game this weekend, may you get back safely as we plan the first of TWO playoff parties in the lot while the team-
CLAWS THE WAY TO TAMPA BAY!
I’ll be back with the handicap Thursday morning, and possibly some other musings that are burbling.
Gotta Comment?
Email me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
16 December, 2008
11 December, 2008
THE WEEKLY HANDICAP AND OTHER CLARIVOYANCES- WEEK 15
December 11th, 2008
Ok, now I’m gonna act like I’ve been here before. I got positively giddy with my 12-4 performance last week, and now, like canning another nice jump shot like I did in church league, I’ll just shoot down the court and get ready to play defense instead of hi-fiving all of my teammates. But I am pretty pumped to log MY BEST PICKING WEEKEND OF THE SEASON at 13-3! That’s a steamrolling akin to Stewilliams’ mighty three bucks put on the Buckies on Monday. I’m ready to do it again. This week features some HUGE games with both elimination and clinching scenarios, and one of them involves OUR Carolina Panthers. Here’s a quick look at the playoff pixtchure-
AFC DIVISION LEADERS
TENNESSEE- AFC SOUTH CHAMPION 11-2
PISSBURGH 10-3
NY BRETS/MIAMI/NEW ENGLANDLAND 8-5
DENVER 8-5
AFC WILD CARD
INDIANAPOLIS 9-4
BALTY-MOORE 9-4
AFC HANGING ON BARELY
SAD DIEGO 5-8
AFC CLINCHING OPTIONS
TENNESSEE- Can clinch the #1 seed with a win or Pissburgh loss.
PISSBURGH- Can clinch the AFC Norris Division with a win.
BALTY-MOORE- Can clinch a playoff spot with a win, and loss by any NFC East team.
DENVER- Can clinch the AFC Worst division with a win.
NFC DIVISION LEADERS
NY GEEMEN – NFC EAST CHAMPION 11-2
CAROLINA 10-3
MINI-SODA 8-5
ARID-ZONA- NFC WORST CHAMPION 8-5
NFC WILD CARD
TAMPA BAY 9-4
DALLAS 8-5
NFC STILL ALIVE
ATLANTA 8-5
PHILTHYDELPHIA 7-5-1
CHICAGO 7-6
WARSHINGTOON 7-6
NEW ORLEANS 7-6
NFC ALIVE BUT NOT WORTH MENTIONING
GREEN BAY 5-8
NFC CLINCHING OPTIONS
NY GEEMEN- Can clinch first round bye with a win.
CAROLINA- Can clinch playoff spot with win and Duckie or Dallas loss.
TAMPA BAY- Can clinch playoff spot with win and Dallas loss.
MINI-SODA- Can clinch the NFC Norris division with a win and Chicago loss.
With that, lemme tear into this week’s games like an early Christmas Present!
NEW ORLEANS @ CHICAGO
For those of us fortunate enough to get the NFL Network, those elitist bastards have a playoff-type game tonight. This is pretty much an elimination game for both, but the stakes are so much higher for The Saints. They found their long-lost running game last week with Pierre Thomas, and a healthy Reggie Bush made a great contribution. Meanwhile, Da Bears got a great game out of their back, Mr. Forte, and Orton ‘eard many an ‘oo for good passing yardage. The bad news for the Saints is that this game is at chilly Soldier Field, and they’ve not done well on the road this year. The good news is that Da Bears’ defense is but a shell of it’s former self. I’m thinking this is going to be a shootout, believe it or not. Last one with the ball might be the winner. A loss for Da Bears will leave them hoping the league suspends the Viking’s Willamses. A loss for the Saints will finish them. The line’s at 3, and I lean to Da Bears. Sorry Saints, see ya next year.
GREEN BAY @ JACKSONVILLE
I would expect the Packers to come down to the comfortable confines of AlTel
Stadium as professionals, knowing that their playoff chances rest with the capricious whims of an unfeeling karma. Which, officially, is 98% certain elimination. The play of the defense has pretty much doomed them this season, but Aaron Rogers, in my opinion, has been every bit worthy to succeed Bret Favre. I think his stellar play will continue here. Jacksonville has mailed the season in, and what was one unthinkable has certainly been on the mind of owner Weaver. Jack Del Rio’s job may be in jeopardy. The players won’t care. The Packers are favoured by 2 ½, and I think they wear the Jaggy-whyers out.
DETROIT @ INDIANAPOLIS
The Lions are on the cusp of infamy. And all for the wrong reasons. And Indianapolis has put itself on the cusp of a remarkable comeback. And both are hallmarks reflective of their respective organizations. Just on opposite ends of the spectrum. I could see the motivating factor for both sides, but I just think the notion of going through a 16-game season winless would motivate ME to play my ass off. I’m certain that the Lie-uns won’t roll over and die for the Colts, but they seem overmatched in this game. I really don’t want to touch that –17 point spread for the Colts at home. At SOME point, Detroit HAS to win SOMETIME! The Saints come to Ford Field next week. Possibly without Duante Culpepper, I just don’t see a win this week. And I hate taking that –17 point spread. I don’t see the Colts getting up enough for a winless team this late in the season. I’m sure they’ll all be saying the right things, oh, Detroit’s a dangerous team, a bunch of professionals, blah, blah, blah, the company line, blah, blah, blah, but the facts remain. I might be a fool, but I got a feeling Detroit covers that +17 points. And no doubts about an Indy win.
WARSHINGTOON @ CINCINATTAH
This is a game that could go stinky in a hurry. The DeadSkins have collapsed in the last stretch of the season, and a loss to the dreadful Bungles would finish the season for them. The FredSkins are banged up everywhere, and all of a sudden, Jason Campbell can’t find the wide side of a Burger Barn. This game feels like a 12-3 game to me. Even banged up, I can’t see the Bungles beating Warshingtoon. The line is 6 ½, and I’m leanin’ to the Foreskins, who survive one more week.
TAMPA BAY @ ATLANTA
Ahhhh, here’s a MONSTEROUS TITANIC HUMONGOUS game that Panther Nation needs to pay VERY CLOSE attention to! After the lickin’ the Bucs took against us Monday night, the Duckies have got to be salavatin’ about Mikey Turner and company doing their own road grading against the suddenly susceptible Buckie defense! However, the Saints exposed the Duckie’s own defensive shortcomings last week. Like the N.O/Chicago game, I fully expect this to be a shootout. Tampa’s not as bad as they looked this Monday, and I think they will be ready to rectify their defensive lapses. It will be tough against Atlanta on their home turf. A loss for the Bucs may seal their fate as a wild card team, but a loss for the Duckies makes their playoff chances more remote. There’s SEVEN NFC teams pulling like hell for the Bucs this week, and oddly enough, one of them is US, although I’m not sure I understand why. I just think it would be better for us for both teams to go into Week 16 at 9-5. The line is a meager –3 for the Duckies, but I think they’ll keep their home dominance going. Here’s a serious trend- NFC SOUTH teams are a mind-boggling 24-2 at home. Take the Duckies.
SAN FRANCISCO @ MIAMI
Only the resurrection of the Atlanta franchise could come close to the amazing rebound story of the Miami Dolphins this year. THEY were the laughable Detroit Lie-uns last year, and GM Tuna and coach Sorpano have taken a handful of draft choices, free agents, and the existing team and made them winners. And possibly poised to take the division. Bad news- the Phoney Niners are actually playing good ball now, despite having been eliminated from the playoffs last week with Arid-zona’s win. They are building a foundation for next year, and ‘Frisco ownership would be foolish not to see the response of the players to Samurai’s coaching. They definitely need to retain Singletary. They are going to be a tough out for the Fhish, who have struggled a bit of late, this Sunday. I like the Niners to cover the + 6 ½ points.
SEATTLE @ ST. LOOEY
Ugghh. I’m wondering which broadcast team FOX is sending to this barnburner. I’m not even sure people in Wash State or Missouri are interested in this- wretched offering. There isn’t any matchup of note here, and I’m thinking this is coaching staff and players just riding out the string. Some are playing for jobs, some, like Mike Holmgren, are just waiting for the end of the line. The line is off, and I simply don’t have any feeling for this game whatsoever. This game will not count in my picks this week, cause I’m not taking either team.
BUFFALO @ NY BRETS
The season’s over for the Bills, mercifully. They have looked abysmal in their last two games when the season was on the line, and gettable in their home stadium. The BRETS have the rest of the league scratching their heads as well after their last two clunkers. They come home with a chance to get the season back on track. They have the talent, the motivation, AND, however overrated he is, Brett Favre. I look for them to keep pace with the Fhish and Patsies, and certainly cover the –7 points they’re favoured by.
TENNESSEE @ HOUSTON
A team that’s looked damn good for the past two weeks gets the NFL’s best team in its house this week. What a better way to see where you are as a young developing team, than to play against the best! The Titans have the #1 seed to play for, and with Pissburgh and Indy waiting down the road, this may be their best opportunity to get it. That rushing attack, which is as good as any in the league, will be tough for the Texans to stop. I think the Texans will hang tough in this game, hence the teeny line. I like the visiting Titans and the slender –3 they’re getting, and to eventually wear Houston down. And Texans? Keep up the good work, and we’ll see you in the hunt next year.
PISSBURGH @ BALTY-MOORE
Here’s another HUMONSTOUROUS TITANIC MEGAHUGE game of epic proportions! The leagues top defenses will be hitting as if the future of the planet was at stake! It wouldn’t surprise me to see a cart or two wheeled out in this one, although I sincerely hope that doesn’t happen. The last time these two met, it took a miracle for WorthlessBerger to squeeze out a lucky victory over an otherwise dominant Ravens team. This will not be a game for offense. This feels like a nine-sack game for both teams. Field position will be a huge factor, and the team that can run the ball better and NOT turn the ball over will win. The Ravens have more, and healthier backs. Vegas has the Ravens favoured by 1 ½ points and I agree. Take the Quothers, and the AFC Norris division race to get really interesting these last two weeks.
DENVER @ CAROLINA
At first, this game gave me a really weird feeling. At present, the Broncoids have the NFL’s top passing offense. That’s great, we’ve already beaten New Orleans, Arid-zona, Green Bay, and Tampa, teams with outstanding passing games. Denver has one of the leagues’ WORST run defenses. Carolina has one of the BEST run OFFENSES. Hmmm. Shouldn’t be hard to figure out. All Denver has to do is win ONE game in the next three, and their playoff ticket is punched. Carolina is in a far more urgent situation. And they’re at home. And totally healthy. And I guarantee they’ll be focused, and the defense will want to prove themselves against Cutler and Co. The line is Panthers by –7 ½, and there’s no question in my mind that we cover that, short week and all. Say hello to the playoffs, Panthers!
SAD DIEGO @ KANSAS CITY
All of whatever progress the Chargers have made or will make is far too little, and too late to overcome the Broncoids. Kansas City has continued to fight and play hard, and that bodes well for Carl Peterson and Herm Edwards. I think the Chefs desperately want to win one more for the coach that believes in them and the fans that support them. Wouldn’t surprise me to see them win Sunday and put the Bolts out of their misery. Then again, it wouldn’t surprise me to see LT to bust loose, either. This games just a little difficult to call. Thinking about the trends of the past few weeks, I like the Chefs to cover the +5 points at home.
MINI-SODA @ ARID-ZONA
The Cardy-Noles already have their ticket punched, and it’s a guaranteed #4 seed. They’ve been pretty stout at home, and the Vikings could possibly be without Augustus in this game. And hanging over the Vikings like an approaching gulley-washer are the potential suspensions of Pat and Kevin Williams. Arid-zona’s shown that they are susceptible to a strong rushing attack, and AP and CT will certainly supply that. Vegas is having a tough time with this game, as am I, because as of this morning there is no line on this contest. One could make a strong case for either team to win. The motivation factor to me is stronger on the Viking’s side, and I’m leaning on them to win.
NEW ENGLANDLAND @ CrOAKLAND
For the Pastry-Rots, this Worst Coast trip can’t end soon enough for them. With a return trip to the playoffs hanging in the balance, they found enough to overcome a game SeaDog team and keep pace with the Brets and Fhish. This should in no way be any kind of contest, unless Matt Cassel can’t play because of circumstances surrounding his father’s death. In which case, this would turn out to be a painfully excruciating defensive tussle. I for one, think Cassel would follow the example set by Brett Favre a few years ago, when he decided to play the day of his fathers death against ironically enough, CrOakland! And he torched them for a career high in touchdowns. And I think he does the same here. The line is NewEnglandland by –7, and I like them to win big.
NY GEEEMEN @ DALLAS
Because of the Panther’s sudden luminescence, the G’ints now have to play TWO consecutive prime-time contests before closing out the regular season, and this will be the first. This is a MUCH bigger game for the Cowpuppies than NY. If you remember, they were embarrassed in every way possible in their game in Gotham. Don’t think they’ve forgotten it. They are playing much better right now, and I guarantee they’ll give the suddenly vulnerable GeeeMen a fight. Marion Barber is dinged up for Dallas, and NY is likely to be without workhorse Brandon Jacobs. NY will be anxious to give a better performance than the clunker they had at home to the Fleeguls. I still think that Romo The Homo does something stupid to cost them the game, as he’s always done in big games. Wrong team favoured by 3- I like the GEEEMen to win this game and set up that HUGMONGOID GAME against the Panthers next Sunday Night.
CLEVELANDLAND @ PHILTHYDELPHIA
Week 15 gets a garbage game to end the week on Monday night that will be interesting only for folks in Eastern Pennsylvania, New Jersey, and Delaware, which sucks for the rest of the country after the peach we all enjoyed last week. The Brownies are done. DONE. The rejuvenated Iggles can sense a possible playoff push by dispatching the hapless Browns Monday night, and they will do it in every phase of the game. This could be the biggest blowout of the week. Boids, BIG, by possibly MORE than the –14 points.
Two more to go, Fanz- and then,
PLAYOFFS, baby!
Last week- best week so far- 13-3
Season- 94-80
Gotta Comment?
E-mail me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
Ok, now I’m gonna act like I’ve been here before. I got positively giddy with my 12-4 performance last week, and now, like canning another nice jump shot like I did in church league, I’ll just shoot down the court and get ready to play defense instead of hi-fiving all of my teammates. But I am pretty pumped to log MY BEST PICKING WEEKEND OF THE SEASON at 13-3! That’s a steamrolling akin to Stewilliams’ mighty three bucks put on the Buckies on Monday. I’m ready to do it again. This week features some HUGE games with both elimination and clinching scenarios, and one of them involves OUR Carolina Panthers. Here’s a quick look at the playoff pixtchure-
AFC DIVISION LEADERS
TENNESSEE- AFC SOUTH CHAMPION 11-2
PISSBURGH 10-3
NY BRETS/MIAMI/NEW ENGLANDLAND 8-5
DENVER 8-5
AFC WILD CARD
INDIANAPOLIS 9-4
BALTY-MOORE 9-4
AFC HANGING ON BARELY
SAD DIEGO 5-8
AFC CLINCHING OPTIONS
TENNESSEE- Can clinch the #1 seed with a win or Pissburgh loss.
PISSBURGH- Can clinch the AFC Norris Division with a win.
BALTY-MOORE- Can clinch a playoff spot with a win, and loss by any NFC East team.
DENVER- Can clinch the AFC Worst division with a win.
NFC DIVISION LEADERS
NY GEEMEN – NFC EAST CHAMPION 11-2
CAROLINA 10-3
MINI-SODA 8-5
ARID-ZONA- NFC WORST CHAMPION 8-5
NFC WILD CARD
TAMPA BAY 9-4
DALLAS 8-5
NFC STILL ALIVE
ATLANTA 8-5
PHILTHYDELPHIA 7-5-1
CHICAGO 7-6
WARSHINGTOON 7-6
NEW ORLEANS 7-6
NFC ALIVE BUT NOT WORTH MENTIONING
GREEN BAY 5-8
NFC CLINCHING OPTIONS
NY GEEMEN- Can clinch first round bye with a win.
CAROLINA- Can clinch playoff spot with win and Duckie or Dallas loss.
TAMPA BAY- Can clinch playoff spot with win and Dallas loss.
MINI-SODA- Can clinch the NFC Norris division with a win and Chicago loss.
With that, lemme tear into this week’s games like an early Christmas Present!
NEW ORLEANS @ CHICAGO
For those of us fortunate enough to get the NFL Network, those elitist bastards have a playoff-type game tonight. This is pretty much an elimination game for both, but the stakes are so much higher for The Saints. They found their long-lost running game last week with Pierre Thomas, and a healthy Reggie Bush made a great contribution. Meanwhile, Da Bears got a great game out of their back, Mr. Forte, and Orton ‘eard many an ‘oo for good passing yardage. The bad news for the Saints is that this game is at chilly Soldier Field, and they’ve not done well on the road this year. The good news is that Da Bears’ defense is but a shell of it’s former self. I’m thinking this is going to be a shootout, believe it or not. Last one with the ball might be the winner. A loss for Da Bears will leave them hoping the league suspends the Viking’s Willamses. A loss for the Saints will finish them. The line’s at 3, and I lean to Da Bears. Sorry Saints, see ya next year.
GREEN BAY @ JACKSONVILLE
I would expect the Packers to come down to the comfortable confines of AlTel
Stadium as professionals, knowing that their playoff chances rest with the capricious whims of an unfeeling karma. Which, officially, is 98% certain elimination. The play of the defense has pretty much doomed them this season, but Aaron Rogers, in my opinion, has been every bit worthy to succeed Bret Favre. I think his stellar play will continue here. Jacksonville has mailed the season in, and what was one unthinkable has certainly been on the mind of owner Weaver. Jack Del Rio’s job may be in jeopardy. The players won’t care. The Packers are favoured by 2 ½, and I think they wear the Jaggy-whyers out.
DETROIT @ INDIANAPOLIS
The Lions are on the cusp of infamy. And all for the wrong reasons. And Indianapolis has put itself on the cusp of a remarkable comeback. And both are hallmarks reflective of their respective organizations. Just on opposite ends of the spectrum. I could see the motivating factor for both sides, but I just think the notion of going through a 16-game season winless would motivate ME to play my ass off. I’m certain that the Lie-uns won’t roll over and die for the Colts, but they seem overmatched in this game. I really don’t want to touch that –17 point spread for the Colts at home. At SOME point, Detroit HAS to win SOMETIME! The Saints come to Ford Field next week. Possibly without Duante Culpepper, I just don’t see a win this week. And I hate taking that –17 point spread. I don’t see the Colts getting up enough for a winless team this late in the season. I’m sure they’ll all be saying the right things, oh, Detroit’s a dangerous team, a bunch of professionals, blah, blah, blah, the company line, blah, blah, blah, but the facts remain. I might be a fool, but I got a feeling Detroit covers that +17 points. And no doubts about an Indy win.
WARSHINGTOON @ CINCINATTAH
This is a game that could go stinky in a hurry. The DeadSkins have collapsed in the last stretch of the season, and a loss to the dreadful Bungles would finish the season for them. The FredSkins are banged up everywhere, and all of a sudden, Jason Campbell can’t find the wide side of a Burger Barn. This game feels like a 12-3 game to me. Even banged up, I can’t see the Bungles beating Warshingtoon. The line is 6 ½, and I’m leanin’ to the Foreskins, who survive one more week.
TAMPA BAY @ ATLANTA
Ahhhh, here’s a MONSTEROUS TITANIC HUMONGOUS game that Panther Nation needs to pay VERY CLOSE attention to! After the lickin’ the Bucs took against us Monday night, the Duckies have got to be salavatin’ about Mikey Turner and company doing their own road grading against the suddenly susceptible Buckie defense! However, the Saints exposed the Duckie’s own defensive shortcomings last week. Like the N.O/Chicago game, I fully expect this to be a shootout. Tampa’s not as bad as they looked this Monday, and I think they will be ready to rectify their defensive lapses. It will be tough against Atlanta on their home turf. A loss for the Bucs may seal their fate as a wild card team, but a loss for the Duckies makes their playoff chances more remote. There’s SEVEN NFC teams pulling like hell for the Bucs this week, and oddly enough, one of them is US, although I’m not sure I understand why. I just think it would be better for us for both teams to go into Week 16 at 9-5. The line is a meager –3 for the Duckies, but I think they’ll keep their home dominance going. Here’s a serious trend- NFC SOUTH teams are a mind-boggling 24-2 at home. Take the Duckies.
SAN FRANCISCO @ MIAMI
Only the resurrection of the Atlanta franchise could come close to the amazing rebound story of the Miami Dolphins this year. THEY were the laughable Detroit Lie-uns last year, and GM Tuna and coach Sorpano have taken a handful of draft choices, free agents, and the existing team and made them winners. And possibly poised to take the division. Bad news- the Phoney Niners are actually playing good ball now, despite having been eliminated from the playoffs last week with Arid-zona’s win. They are building a foundation for next year, and ‘Frisco ownership would be foolish not to see the response of the players to Samurai’s coaching. They definitely need to retain Singletary. They are going to be a tough out for the Fhish, who have struggled a bit of late, this Sunday. I like the Niners to cover the + 6 ½ points.
SEATTLE @ ST. LOOEY
Ugghh. I’m wondering which broadcast team FOX is sending to this barnburner. I’m not even sure people in Wash State or Missouri are interested in this- wretched offering. There isn’t any matchup of note here, and I’m thinking this is coaching staff and players just riding out the string. Some are playing for jobs, some, like Mike Holmgren, are just waiting for the end of the line. The line is off, and I simply don’t have any feeling for this game whatsoever. This game will not count in my picks this week, cause I’m not taking either team.
BUFFALO @ NY BRETS
The season’s over for the Bills, mercifully. They have looked abysmal in their last two games when the season was on the line, and gettable in their home stadium. The BRETS have the rest of the league scratching their heads as well after their last two clunkers. They come home with a chance to get the season back on track. They have the talent, the motivation, AND, however overrated he is, Brett Favre. I look for them to keep pace with the Fhish and Patsies, and certainly cover the –7 points they’re favoured by.
TENNESSEE @ HOUSTON
A team that’s looked damn good for the past two weeks gets the NFL’s best team in its house this week. What a better way to see where you are as a young developing team, than to play against the best! The Titans have the #1 seed to play for, and with Pissburgh and Indy waiting down the road, this may be their best opportunity to get it. That rushing attack, which is as good as any in the league, will be tough for the Texans to stop. I think the Texans will hang tough in this game, hence the teeny line. I like the visiting Titans and the slender –3 they’re getting, and to eventually wear Houston down. And Texans? Keep up the good work, and we’ll see you in the hunt next year.
PISSBURGH @ BALTY-MOORE
Here’s another HUMONSTOUROUS TITANIC MEGAHUGE game of epic proportions! The leagues top defenses will be hitting as if the future of the planet was at stake! It wouldn’t surprise me to see a cart or two wheeled out in this one, although I sincerely hope that doesn’t happen. The last time these two met, it took a miracle for WorthlessBerger to squeeze out a lucky victory over an otherwise dominant Ravens team. This will not be a game for offense. This feels like a nine-sack game for both teams. Field position will be a huge factor, and the team that can run the ball better and NOT turn the ball over will win. The Ravens have more, and healthier backs. Vegas has the Ravens favoured by 1 ½ points and I agree. Take the Quothers, and the AFC Norris division race to get really interesting these last two weeks.
DENVER @ CAROLINA
At first, this game gave me a really weird feeling. At present, the Broncoids have the NFL’s top passing offense. That’s great, we’ve already beaten New Orleans, Arid-zona, Green Bay, and Tampa, teams with outstanding passing games. Denver has one of the leagues’ WORST run defenses. Carolina has one of the BEST run OFFENSES. Hmmm. Shouldn’t be hard to figure out. All Denver has to do is win ONE game in the next three, and their playoff ticket is punched. Carolina is in a far more urgent situation. And they’re at home. And totally healthy. And I guarantee they’ll be focused, and the defense will want to prove themselves against Cutler and Co. The line is Panthers by –7 ½, and there’s no question in my mind that we cover that, short week and all. Say hello to the playoffs, Panthers!
SAD DIEGO @ KANSAS CITY
All of whatever progress the Chargers have made or will make is far too little, and too late to overcome the Broncoids. Kansas City has continued to fight and play hard, and that bodes well for Carl Peterson and Herm Edwards. I think the Chefs desperately want to win one more for the coach that believes in them and the fans that support them. Wouldn’t surprise me to see them win Sunday and put the Bolts out of their misery. Then again, it wouldn’t surprise me to see LT to bust loose, either. This games just a little difficult to call. Thinking about the trends of the past few weeks, I like the Chefs to cover the +5 points at home.
MINI-SODA @ ARID-ZONA
The Cardy-Noles already have their ticket punched, and it’s a guaranteed #4 seed. They’ve been pretty stout at home, and the Vikings could possibly be without Augustus in this game. And hanging over the Vikings like an approaching gulley-washer are the potential suspensions of Pat and Kevin Williams. Arid-zona’s shown that they are susceptible to a strong rushing attack, and AP and CT will certainly supply that. Vegas is having a tough time with this game, as am I, because as of this morning there is no line on this contest. One could make a strong case for either team to win. The motivation factor to me is stronger on the Viking’s side, and I’m leaning on them to win.
NEW ENGLANDLAND @ CrOAKLAND
For the Pastry-Rots, this Worst Coast trip can’t end soon enough for them. With a return trip to the playoffs hanging in the balance, they found enough to overcome a game SeaDog team and keep pace with the Brets and Fhish. This should in no way be any kind of contest, unless Matt Cassel can’t play because of circumstances surrounding his father’s death. In which case, this would turn out to be a painfully excruciating defensive tussle. I for one, think Cassel would follow the example set by Brett Favre a few years ago, when he decided to play the day of his fathers death against ironically enough, CrOakland! And he torched them for a career high in touchdowns. And I think he does the same here. The line is NewEnglandland by –7, and I like them to win big.
NY GEEEMEN @ DALLAS
Because of the Panther’s sudden luminescence, the G’ints now have to play TWO consecutive prime-time contests before closing out the regular season, and this will be the first. This is a MUCH bigger game for the Cowpuppies than NY. If you remember, they were embarrassed in every way possible in their game in Gotham. Don’t think they’ve forgotten it. They are playing much better right now, and I guarantee they’ll give the suddenly vulnerable GeeeMen a fight. Marion Barber is dinged up for Dallas, and NY is likely to be without workhorse Brandon Jacobs. NY will be anxious to give a better performance than the clunker they had at home to the Fleeguls. I still think that Romo The Homo does something stupid to cost them the game, as he’s always done in big games. Wrong team favoured by 3- I like the GEEEMen to win this game and set up that HUGMONGOID GAME against the Panthers next Sunday Night.
CLEVELANDLAND @ PHILTHYDELPHIA
Week 15 gets a garbage game to end the week on Monday night that will be interesting only for folks in Eastern Pennsylvania, New Jersey, and Delaware, which sucks for the rest of the country after the peach we all enjoyed last week. The Brownies are done. DONE. The rejuvenated Iggles can sense a possible playoff push by dispatching the hapless Browns Monday night, and they will do it in every phase of the game. This could be the biggest blowout of the week. Boids, BIG, by possibly MORE than the –14 points.
Two more to go, Fanz- and then,
PLAYOFFS, baby!
Last week- best week so far- 13-3
Season- 94-80
Gotta Comment?
E-mail me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
10 December, 2008
FIVE GUYS
December 10, 2008
Because of five guys, I suffered the worst hangover I’ve had in YEARS yesterday, and my mushed up mind couldn’t drag itself to the keyboard until this morning.
Because of five guys, Pantherfanz had one of its grandest affairs in many seasons.
Because of five guys, an “undersized” back and his rookie teammate gashed the supposedly INPENETRABLE Tampa Bay run defense for over 300 yards.
Because of five guys, The Carolina Panthers now firmly control their density, much like George McFly wanted to control Lorraine’s density in “Back to the Future”. And they also control their DESTINY, as well. Firmly, at that.
Because of five guys, the entire NFL nation now knows what we’ve known for a while-
The Carolina Panthers are a really good team.
And as a result, because of these five guys, The Panthers now get their second prime-time contest against the GEEEEEEEMen in Noo Yawk eleven days from now, with a very real chance of snagging the number one seed in the playoffs.
Many of you know of which five guys I’m talking about. Those of you who know football and aren’t focused on the quarterback or wide receivers or what the gabbing media jaws are saying know who they are. For those of you who are tired of me blathering on and on without making a point, they are, by the position of which they play, are –
LEFT TACKLE- Jordan Gross
LEFT GUARD- Travelle Wharton
CENTER- Ryan Kalil
RIGHT GUARD- Keydrick Vincent
RIGHT TACKLE- Jeff Otah
These five guys, playing together for the first time since the start of the season, are now beginning to realize the promise of success we’ve hoped for from the get-go. Those of you who were at the game I’m sure saw what I saw. I saw a serious PUSH from these guys. Jake was never really pressured, yielding a wimpy sack early in the game, but as the contest progressed, I felt that we were never in danger, never going to surrender momentum, and never going to be stopped in the rushing attack. I’m sure it was better yet for the folks who saw it on TV and got to hear Jaws’ excited commentary. (I can’t wait to get my copy of the DVD Brain made for me!) I was so entranced by the excitement on the field, that I never took a moment to glance at the scoreboard for the quarterly statistics. It wasn’t until I got out of the stadium, drunk and happy, that I realized that these five guys busted Stewilliams loose for
THREE HUNDRED BIG YARDS!
Against the Buccaneers! One of our fiercest rivals! On NATIONAL TV! The implications of this performance continue to pour on me like a football bacchanal. How far away last season feels now! Remember our “big game” against Romo the Homo’s Cowpuppies last year? How we went “kersplat” on the national stage? In stark, vivid comparison, how good does Monday night feel? To have the white-hot spotlight energize the fans and the team and not melt as many an NFL pretender has done. Pretender. That’s a word that’s been attached to many teams in seasons past. Cleveland. Green Bay. Buffalo. Tampa Bay. New Orleans. Yes, and this team coming up, Denver. And us. And Denver is all of a sudden a scenario that becomes serious. But I’m digressing momentarily. I want to get off the five guys for a second, and go to ONE GUY-
And it’s not Jake Delhomme.
It’s Ken Lucas. Just like the offensive line, one underperforming or weak player has potential to collapse the whole unit. For the past three games, our pass coverage has been below average. And I think we can focus the blame on KL. Oh, yeah, his teammates are not gonna throw him under the bus, they will behave like the pure team players they are and assign blame collectively. But it’s clear that Lucas is the weak link in a unit that MUST play better if our postseason dreams are to be realized. I think I’m gonna start callin’ him TOASTY Lucas if he continues to get scorched the way he’s been getting scorched! I’m sure you remember the long play to Bryant in Monday’s game where not only did he blow the coverage, not only did he commit a penalty in blowing it, but he allowed him to score! The offensive coordinators of Denver, New York and New Orleans are certainly going to game plan to attack him now! Turkey-Vac has got to get his side some help in practice, and create some schemes to facilitate that. For me, this is the one huge concern I have about this team going forward this season.
Back to the five guys. I would be amiss if I didn’t recognize the efforts of Hoov and Moose and the tight ends in the run blocking schemes. What a pleasure it is to have players that lean towards the skill set positions to knuckle down and do the hard work it takes to make the run game so potent! And I’m talkin’ about the one player closest to diva status we have as well. I saw Smitty put on a few nice blocks, too. Yes, I’m singling out the five guys on the O line, but it does take eleven dudes playing together to execute the game in a way that brings you closer to victory. And when all 47 dudes are of the same mindset, then you can start thinking about championships. But along with all of the good gooey goodness of the awesome win of Monday, comes the next test for The Panthers.
How to handle prosperity.
We’ve shown that we can win from behind, and on the road. We’ve played so much better at home. We’ve resuscitated the run game. So many things are starting to turn in our favour in this season, even more so that in our magical ’96 and ’03 seasons. One thing we’ve not been able to do is succeed when we are suddenly in the spotlight, and heavily favoured. All that good feeling and high expectation collapses with a loss at home to Denver. Remember two weeks ago, the BRETS were the toast of the league after beating the Titans? Remember who they lost to, at HOME the following week? Yep. The Broncoids. Who lost to CROAKLAND, for God’s sake the week before! Who is the one team to beat the Duckies at home this season? Yep. The Broncoids. This game, in my opinion, will be as critical as any we will play this season. While we firmly control our destiny, the margin is still uncomfortably thin. The good news is, that Foxy and company realize this. I heard the words “focused on Denver” several times from Foxy and players mere hours after the intoxicating victory of Monday. For the sake of the season, Foxy, you’d better be right. Denver has a potent passing attack, and an opportunistic secondary, and we might be in trouble should we have to get into a passing shootout with them, especially after a short week. But there’s more good news. Denver’s defense has been consistently bad this year, especially against the run. DINGDINGDING! Hey, Foxy, think this is a weakness worth exploiting? All the defense has to do is blunt Cutler enough, and let the FIVE GUYS pave the road for Stewilliams and Co. This to me, would be a simple formula for a critical victory in a critical race not just for the division, which by the way, becomes so much tighter should the Buckies overcome the Duckies this weekend, but for the top seed in our conference! I implore the team, AND the fans-
Focus on Denver. One hundred percent. I cannot stress enough how important to the seasons’ success that is. Dispatch the Broncoids, not by a field goal, not by a touchdown, but DECICIVELY! Ovecome them on the ground. Make them choke, and early, on their own fatal weakness, and then, as the fourth quarter melts into the cool December evening, THEN, and only THEN- do those five guys and the rest of the team think about the New York Giants.
But despite the possible negatives, I cannot escape the fact that for the first time in our franchise history, we are 10-3, and we are going into the last three games on a head of steam generated by one of the most defining forces in the game-
The rushing attack.
The forward pass is so much prettier to those who don’t appreciate the game fully. But the running game is that force that wins championships. It’s the weapon that wears down even the best of defenses.
And it’s all because of five guys.
Because of five guys, I suffered the worst hangover I’ve had in YEARS yesterday, and my mushed up mind couldn’t drag itself to the keyboard until this morning.
Because of five guys, Pantherfanz had one of its grandest affairs in many seasons.
Because of five guys, an “undersized” back and his rookie teammate gashed the supposedly INPENETRABLE Tampa Bay run defense for over 300 yards.
Because of five guys, The Carolina Panthers now firmly control their density, much like George McFly wanted to control Lorraine’s density in “Back to the Future”. And they also control their DESTINY, as well. Firmly, at that.
Because of five guys, the entire NFL nation now knows what we’ve known for a while-
The Carolina Panthers are a really good team.
And as a result, because of these five guys, The Panthers now get their second prime-time contest against the GEEEEEEEMen in Noo Yawk eleven days from now, with a very real chance of snagging the number one seed in the playoffs.
Many of you know of which five guys I’m talking about. Those of you who know football and aren’t focused on the quarterback or wide receivers or what the gabbing media jaws are saying know who they are. For those of you who are tired of me blathering on and on without making a point, they are, by the position of which they play, are –
LEFT TACKLE- Jordan Gross
LEFT GUARD- Travelle Wharton
CENTER- Ryan Kalil
RIGHT GUARD- Keydrick Vincent
RIGHT TACKLE- Jeff Otah
These five guys, playing together for the first time since the start of the season, are now beginning to realize the promise of success we’ve hoped for from the get-go. Those of you who were at the game I’m sure saw what I saw. I saw a serious PUSH from these guys. Jake was never really pressured, yielding a wimpy sack early in the game, but as the contest progressed, I felt that we were never in danger, never going to surrender momentum, and never going to be stopped in the rushing attack. I’m sure it was better yet for the folks who saw it on TV and got to hear Jaws’ excited commentary. (I can’t wait to get my copy of the DVD Brain made for me!) I was so entranced by the excitement on the field, that I never took a moment to glance at the scoreboard for the quarterly statistics. It wasn’t until I got out of the stadium, drunk and happy, that I realized that these five guys busted Stewilliams loose for
THREE HUNDRED BIG YARDS!
Against the Buccaneers! One of our fiercest rivals! On NATIONAL TV! The implications of this performance continue to pour on me like a football bacchanal. How far away last season feels now! Remember our “big game” against Romo the Homo’s Cowpuppies last year? How we went “kersplat” on the national stage? In stark, vivid comparison, how good does Monday night feel? To have the white-hot spotlight energize the fans and the team and not melt as many an NFL pretender has done. Pretender. That’s a word that’s been attached to many teams in seasons past. Cleveland. Green Bay. Buffalo. Tampa Bay. New Orleans. Yes, and this team coming up, Denver. And us. And Denver is all of a sudden a scenario that becomes serious. But I’m digressing momentarily. I want to get off the five guys for a second, and go to ONE GUY-
And it’s not Jake Delhomme.
It’s Ken Lucas. Just like the offensive line, one underperforming or weak player has potential to collapse the whole unit. For the past three games, our pass coverage has been below average. And I think we can focus the blame on KL. Oh, yeah, his teammates are not gonna throw him under the bus, they will behave like the pure team players they are and assign blame collectively. But it’s clear that Lucas is the weak link in a unit that MUST play better if our postseason dreams are to be realized. I think I’m gonna start callin’ him TOASTY Lucas if he continues to get scorched the way he’s been getting scorched! I’m sure you remember the long play to Bryant in Monday’s game where not only did he blow the coverage, not only did he commit a penalty in blowing it, but he allowed him to score! The offensive coordinators of Denver, New York and New Orleans are certainly going to game plan to attack him now! Turkey-Vac has got to get his side some help in practice, and create some schemes to facilitate that. For me, this is the one huge concern I have about this team going forward this season.
Back to the five guys. I would be amiss if I didn’t recognize the efforts of Hoov and Moose and the tight ends in the run blocking schemes. What a pleasure it is to have players that lean towards the skill set positions to knuckle down and do the hard work it takes to make the run game so potent! And I’m talkin’ about the one player closest to diva status we have as well. I saw Smitty put on a few nice blocks, too. Yes, I’m singling out the five guys on the O line, but it does take eleven dudes playing together to execute the game in a way that brings you closer to victory. And when all 47 dudes are of the same mindset, then you can start thinking about championships. But along with all of the good gooey goodness of the awesome win of Monday, comes the next test for The Panthers.
How to handle prosperity.
We’ve shown that we can win from behind, and on the road. We’ve played so much better at home. We’ve resuscitated the run game. So many things are starting to turn in our favour in this season, even more so that in our magical ’96 and ’03 seasons. One thing we’ve not been able to do is succeed when we are suddenly in the spotlight, and heavily favoured. All that good feeling and high expectation collapses with a loss at home to Denver. Remember two weeks ago, the BRETS were the toast of the league after beating the Titans? Remember who they lost to, at HOME the following week? Yep. The Broncoids. Who lost to CROAKLAND, for God’s sake the week before! Who is the one team to beat the Duckies at home this season? Yep. The Broncoids. This game, in my opinion, will be as critical as any we will play this season. While we firmly control our destiny, the margin is still uncomfortably thin. The good news is, that Foxy and company realize this. I heard the words “focused on Denver” several times from Foxy and players mere hours after the intoxicating victory of Monday. For the sake of the season, Foxy, you’d better be right. Denver has a potent passing attack, and an opportunistic secondary, and we might be in trouble should we have to get into a passing shootout with them, especially after a short week. But there’s more good news. Denver’s defense has been consistently bad this year, especially against the run. DINGDINGDING! Hey, Foxy, think this is a weakness worth exploiting? All the defense has to do is blunt Cutler enough, and let the FIVE GUYS pave the road for Stewilliams and Co. This to me, would be a simple formula for a critical victory in a critical race not just for the division, which by the way, becomes so much tighter should the Buckies overcome the Duckies this weekend, but for the top seed in our conference! I implore the team, AND the fans-
Focus on Denver. One hundred percent. I cannot stress enough how important to the seasons’ success that is. Dispatch the Broncoids, not by a field goal, not by a touchdown, but DECICIVELY! Ovecome them on the ground. Make them choke, and early, on their own fatal weakness, and then, as the fourth quarter melts into the cool December evening, THEN, and only THEN- do those five guys and the rest of the team think about the New York Giants.
But despite the possible negatives, I cannot escape the fact that for the first time in our franchise history, we are 10-3, and we are going into the last three games on a head of steam generated by one of the most defining forces in the game-
The rushing attack.
The forward pass is so much prettier to those who don’t appreciate the game fully. But the running game is that force that wins championships. It’s the weapon that wears down even the best of defenses.
And it’s all because of five guys.
Whet your appetites for some good smoked “HOSS MEAT” Sunday! It’s gonna be a great day in the lot, no matter what, as we
CLAW OUR WAY TO TAMPA BAY!!!
See you with the handicap tomorrow.
Gotta Comment?
Email me, The Cedar Street Seer CaptnTee@aol.com
06 December, 2008
PRESCRIPTION FOR VICTORY
In two more afternoons, we as PantherFanz, a legion of fans of the Carolina Panthers who are within the broader scope of fans known as Panther Nation, will begin a party of whose magnitude hasn’t been seen since, well, since last year.
But the game is so, so much bigger than that.
I don’t have to tell you what’s at stake. You already know the ramifications of a loss or win. A loss will make a division win tough, and lead to perhaps a guaranteed #5 or #6 seed, and the playoffs on the road. This in of itself isn’t necessarily bad. How many home playoff games did the GEEEEEEEEMen win last year? I hope that’s point taken. But how good would that be to WIN a huge, monster, titanic, (fill in your favorite superfluous adjective), game here in our own stadium? To leave the game in the frosty December air joyous and rapacious after a decisive victory over one of our fiercest rivals? I don’t have to tell you about that, either.
So, for the benefit of those of you who don’t scour the sports websites and listen to the endless blather of the so-called experts who analyze and over-analyze and go over every stat, trend, and matchup to produce a forecast, and blow even more effervescent fragrance towards and into Chucky Gruden’s anal orfice, I’m going to give you MY personal keys to the game.
Ready?
Here it comes.
This is really, really important.
In order for us to defeat the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, we will have to have more points on our side of the scoreboard than they do.
Simple as that.
So, how do we get there? You’ve probably heard ad-nauseum how potent the Tampa D is. Yah, Yah, Yah. So potent they had to scramble at the end of the game with the powerful Kansas City Chefs to eke out a victory. So potent they opened the game against the WINLESS Detroit Lie-uns by allowing the Leos 17 unanswered points. So potent they allowed the rudderless Cowbabies to run roughshod all over them. They CAN be penetrated, but Davidson is going to have to be smart about it. On offense, we will have to give the run game a chance. For the first time this season, our O line is completely healthy, and most importantly, are playing the best ball of the season. If we can maintain at least a 3.5 yards per carry, there’s no reason to get cute. Wouldn’t be bad to throw some to the running backs as well. I would still have Jake chuck a few downfield to keep the defense honest, because I do think Tampa’s D will emphasize stopping the run initially. Should the running attack have some success, then getting the ball to Smitty and Moose will be of the utmost importance. Smith has shown time and time again that he will make the most difficult of catches, and he’ll show it again. There is NO ONE in the Tampa secondary that can cover him. It would also be worth it to involve Smith in end-arounds and other creative plays. It’s also of the utmost importance that the line protect Jake long enough that he can find the open receiver. If he’s constantly pressured, it will be a long and miserable night for us in the stands. But I’m confident our game plan will yield enough points against this particular team, in the now comfortable confines of our home stadium.
Now, this is a really important part. On defense, we have GOT to make Garcia feel VERY uncomfortable. They will try to run, but I have a feeling that we’ll do a better job on the freshly-re-minted Cadillac Williams and Warrick Been-Dunn Before. Garcia will be rolling out on us a great deal, and throwing on the move. He’s made a CAREER doing that. So did Michael Vick, to a large degree, until we opened up a can of Thomas Davis on him. I would have Turkey-Vac get TD to spy him on virtually every play. If he can be kept in third-and-long situations, our secondary should be able to keep the plays in front of them. There’s no one in Tampa’s receiving corps that scares me or anyone else’s defense. As our defensive strength lies in our linebackers, I would have them involved in aggressive blitz packages, until the front four could generate enough pressure on their own, which I kinda doubt they’ll be able to do, given the past performances. Perhaps an interesting formation with either one or two linebackers in coverage, with Davis the designated rusher would frustrate Garcia enough to force him to make mistakes with the ball! Let me make this clear. We MUST stop Garcia from doing what he wants to do. That’s it. No other offensive player can hurt our defense like he can. We stop Garcia, and the game is ours. All of Turkey Vac’s defensive game plans should be geared to this end. The wild card for us defensively will be Julius Peppers, and maddeningly enough for all of us who live and die with the Panthers, it ALWAYS is, from week to week. If he DOMINATES like he is capable of doing, and not shrinking as he’s done in the past, the linebackers have less to do up front, and can concentrate on the longer plays. If Peppers makes the kind of plays he does when he’s on, we win. I’m not a big football whiz as it comes to “X’s and O’s”, but I do love the game and pay attention to it’s nuances on every level. Make no mistake, if we are to win this game it will be won by the play of our defense. To a man, they are disgusted with their play of late and know that it’s go time NOW. The vibe in the locker room today has been off the chain. They’re ready to go.
BUT!
There’s one more vital, and I do mean VITAL ingredient to this win, should it come to pass.
And this is going to come from us, and only us, the Panther fans, not JUST Panther FANZ.
How many Bucs fans will be in the stands on Monday night? Do you think it will be anything like the fans the Cowpatties, Packers and Squeelers bring? If there will be 2000 Bucs jerseys in the BOFA, I would be shocked. The job of US, the fans of Panther Nation, will be to MAKE NOISE LIKE OUR LIVES WERE IN DANGER!!! I cannot stress this enough! Every time that Tampa gets the ball we should be screaming like Chucky was fixin’ to perform a cruel surgery on you without anesthesia. The offensive game plan they want to execute REQUIRES key elements be able to listen to calls Garcia makes on the line of scrimmage. And we, Panther Nation, have the capability of disrupting that with a punishing attack of decibels not seen since the 1997 playoff against the Cowbabies. Last year’s edition would have never seen that kind of vocal support from me, because the overall effort was not deserving of that. Seeing Travelle Wharton gun down the field on Stewarts’ big run was the kind of effort I thrive on as a fan. Individual players, yes, even Pep, have turned in that kind of performance this year, and I’m planning on rewarding them with the passionate vocalization they are needing for that extra “ummph” as one might call it, to stretch just that little bit more to knock the ball’s trajectory off as to create an incompletion, or even better, an interception or blocked field goal, extra point, or fumble. To piledrive an opponent back just a bit more to clear a path to a debilitating sack of Garcia. Yes, they are getting that vociferous vocal support from me, from Kathie, from everyone in my section. I admonish the rest of you to do the same. Even if we should find ourselves behind, we should continue to blast the Tampa offense with everything we have. The game does depend on it, in THIS particular setting.
And on offense? Be quiet and let them work. Cheer a competion, a nice pancake block by Hoov or Otah or Moose or any fired up Panther. Scream for a nice run or touchdown, but otherwise KEEP YOUR PIE HOLE PLUGGED when we have the ball and for GOD’S SAKE DON’T DO THE WAVE WHEN WE’RE ON OFFENSE!!!
So there you go Panther fans and FANZ alike. This is my prescription for a Panther victory this Monday night. We do this, and it won’t matter what the Duckies or Saints or FredSkins or Bears or what anyone does. Our playoff destiny will be firmly in the paws of the Panthers, as we would have it be.
There’s no questioning our party capabilities, because all of that will be manifest with all of the perfunctory aplomb by Head Coach Dano, James, Chuck, Patrick, Chris, PeaDad, BLu, etc. and all of you core PantherFanz that make this thing go. Let’s see this translated to the game and keep the intensity going for the Broncoid’s visit next week in another CRITICAL game, 'cause you know,
Lord-
I was BORN a Panthers Fan......
KEEP CLAWING OUR WAY THROUGH TAMPA BAY TO TAMPA BAY!!!
Gotta Comment?
E-mail me, the Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
But the game is so, so much bigger than that.
I don’t have to tell you what’s at stake. You already know the ramifications of a loss or win. A loss will make a division win tough, and lead to perhaps a guaranteed #5 or #6 seed, and the playoffs on the road. This in of itself isn’t necessarily bad. How many home playoff games did the GEEEEEEEEMen win last year? I hope that’s point taken. But how good would that be to WIN a huge, monster, titanic, (fill in your favorite superfluous adjective), game here in our own stadium? To leave the game in the frosty December air joyous and rapacious after a decisive victory over one of our fiercest rivals? I don’t have to tell you about that, either.
So, for the benefit of those of you who don’t scour the sports websites and listen to the endless blather of the so-called experts who analyze and over-analyze and go over every stat, trend, and matchup to produce a forecast, and blow even more effervescent fragrance towards and into Chucky Gruden’s anal orfice, I’m going to give you MY personal keys to the game.
Ready?
Here it comes.
This is really, really important.
In order for us to defeat the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, we will have to have more points on our side of the scoreboard than they do.
Simple as that.
So, how do we get there? You’ve probably heard ad-nauseum how potent the Tampa D is. Yah, Yah, Yah. So potent they had to scramble at the end of the game with the powerful Kansas City Chefs to eke out a victory. So potent they opened the game against the WINLESS Detroit Lie-uns by allowing the Leos 17 unanswered points. So potent they allowed the rudderless Cowbabies to run roughshod all over them. They CAN be penetrated, but Davidson is going to have to be smart about it. On offense, we will have to give the run game a chance. For the first time this season, our O line is completely healthy, and most importantly, are playing the best ball of the season. If we can maintain at least a 3.5 yards per carry, there’s no reason to get cute. Wouldn’t be bad to throw some to the running backs as well. I would still have Jake chuck a few downfield to keep the defense honest, because I do think Tampa’s D will emphasize stopping the run initially. Should the running attack have some success, then getting the ball to Smitty and Moose will be of the utmost importance. Smith has shown time and time again that he will make the most difficult of catches, and he’ll show it again. There is NO ONE in the Tampa secondary that can cover him. It would also be worth it to involve Smith in end-arounds and other creative plays. It’s also of the utmost importance that the line protect Jake long enough that he can find the open receiver. If he’s constantly pressured, it will be a long and miserable night for us in the stands. But I’m confident our game plan will yield enough points against this particular team, in the now comfortable confines of our home stadium.
Now, this is a really important part. On defense, we have GOT to make Garcia feel VERY uncomfortable. They will try to run, but I have a feeling that we’ll do a better job on the freshly-re-minted Cadillac Williams and Warrick Been-Dunn Before. Garcia will be rolling out on us a great deal, and throwing on the move. He’s made a CAREER doing that. So did Michael Vick, to a large degree, until we opened up a can of Thomas Davis on him. I would have Turkey-Vac get TD to spy him on virtually every play. If he can be kept in third-and-long situations, our secondary should be able to keep the plays in front of them. There’s no one in Tampa’s receiving corps that scares me or anyone else’s defense. As our defensive strength lies in our linebackers, I would have them involved in aggressive blitz packages, until the front four could generate enough pressure on their own, which I kinda doubt they’ll be able to do, given the past performances. Perhaps an interesting formation with either one or two linebackers in coverage, with Davis the designated rusher would frustrate Garcia enough to force him to make mistakes with the ball! Let me make this clear. We MUST stop Garcia from doing what he wants to do. That’s it. No other offensive player can hurt our defense like he can. We stop Garcia, and the game is ours. All of Turkey Vac’s defensive game plans should be geared to this end. The wild card for us defensively will be Julius Peppers, and maddeningly enough for all of us who live and die with the Panthers, it ALWAYS is, from week to week. If he DOMINATES like he is capable of doing, and not shrinking as he’s done in the past, the linebackers have less to do up front, and can concentrate on the longer plays. If Peppers makes the kind of plays he does when he’s on, we win. I’m not a big football whiz as it comes to “X’s and O’s”, but I do love the game and pay attention to it’s nuances on every level. Make no mistake, if we are to win this game it will be won by the play of our defense. To a man, they are disgusted with their play of late and know that it’s go time NOW. The vibe in the locker room today has been off the chain. They’re ready to go.
BUT!
There’s one more vital, and I do mean VITAL ingredient to this win, should it come to pass.
And this is going to come from us, and only us, the Panther fans, not JUST Panther FANZ.
How many Bucs fans will be in the stands on Monday night? Do you think it will be anything like the fans the Cowpatties, Packers and Squeelers bring? If there will be 2000 Bucs jerseys in the BOFA, I would be shocked. The job of US, the fans of Panther Nation, will be to MAKE NOISE LIKE OUR LIVES WERE IN DANGER!!! I cannot stress this enough! Every time that Tampa gets the ball we should be screaming like Chucky was fixin’ to perform a cruel surgery on you without anesthesia. The offensive game plan they want to execute REQUIRES key elements be able to listen to calls Garcia makes on the line of scrimmage. And we, Panther Nation, have the capability of disrupting that with a punishing attack of decibels not seen since the 1997 playoff against the Cowbabies. Last year’s edition would have never seen that kind of vocal support from me, because the overall effort was not deserving of that. Seeing Travelle Wharton gun down the field on Stewarts’ big run was the kind of effort I thrive on as a fan. Individual players, yes, even Pep, have turned in that kind of performance this year, and I’m planning on rewarding them with the passionate vocalization they are needing for that extra “ummph” as one might call it, to stretch just that little bit more to knock the ball’s trajectory off as to create an incompletion, or even better, an interception or blocked field goal, extra point, or fumble. To piledrive an opponent back just a bit more to clear a path to a debilitating sack of Garcia. Yes, they are getting that vociferous vocal support from me, from Kathie, from everyone in my section. I admonish the rest of you to do the same. Even if we should find ourselves behind, we should continue to blast the Tampa offense with everything we have. The game does depend on it, in THIS particular setting.
And on offense? Be quiet and let them work. Cheer a competion, a nice pancake block by Hoov or Otah or Moose or any fired up Panther. Scream for a nice run or touchdown, but otherwise KEEP YOUR PIE HOLE PLUGGED when we have the ball and for GOD’S SAKE DON’T DO THE WAVE WHEN WE’RE ON OFFENSE!!!
So there you go Panther fans and FANZ alike. This is my prescription for a Panther victory this Monday night. We do this, and it won’t matter what the Duckies or Saints or FredSkins or Bears or what anyone does. Our playoff destiny will be firmly in the paws of the Panthers, as we would have it be.
There’s no questioning our party capabilities, because all of that will be manifest with all of the perfunctory aplomb by Head Coach Dano, James, Chuck, Patrick, Chris, PeaDad, BLu, etc. and all of you core PantherFanz that make this thing go. Let’s see this translated to the game and keep the intensity going for the Broncoid’s visit next week in another CRITICAL game, 'cause you know,
Lord-
I was BORN a Panthers Fan......
KEEP CLAWING OUR WAY THROUGH TAMPA BAY TO TAMPA BAY!!!
Gotta Comment?
E-mail me, the Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
04 December, 2008
THE WEEKLY HANDICAP AND OTHER CLARIVOYANCES - WEEK 14
December 4th, 2008
12-4.
12-4!!!
NOW THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKIN’ ABOUT!!!
That’s the way you want to go into the stretch run of the season! And that, my friends, is the record I predicted for the Panthers in the preseason. Three more to go- and the playoff participants are beginning to come into focus. The seeding has yet to be determined, but barring anything disastrous, you can pretty much count on the Titans, Squeelers, Ravens, Broncoids, GEEEEEMen, Panthers, Buckies, Duckies and Cardy-noles playing a game or two, or JUST MAYBE three in January. And a lucky pair will be playing a game in February.
With that in mind, I begin my drive to get on a two-week winnin’ streak… I’ve already broken down the playoff standings one rant ago, and you can scroll down and see it when you’re finished calling your bookie after reading this-
CrOAKLAND @ SAD DIEGO
Whhhooo Boy, another beauty for the elitist bastard NFL Network. A thoroughly engrossing battle for AFC supremacy…. Ehhhhhhhhccch. This is it for the Chargers. Really. Strange to think, I kinda saw this in the AFC Championship last year when LaDamian Thomlinson was sulking on the sideline when the Bolts still were in the game against the Pastry-Rots. That overall malaise has crept into the rest of the team. The talent level is pretty much the same as it was then; it’s not executing, or responding to Norv Turner. Strangely enough, there’s still a chance, however remote, that EITHER team could make the postseason, dependant on a total collapse by the Broncoids, which actually COULD happen. There’s a lack of inspired play in all phases of all games from both participants in this whining dog of a game, and I am so hesitant to touch this stinker. Ecccchh. I just don’t wanna. Vegas is giving the Schraiders a whopping ten points. Wouldn’t surprise me to see them win. Reluctantly, I lean to the Schraiders to cover, and for Sad Diego to hang on to life for one more week.
CINCINATTAH @ INDIANAPOLIS
The Sunday slate begins with a potential blowout at the LukeDome. The Colts are getting it together at the right time, despite an ugly victory at Clevelandland last week. Even without Bobby Sanders in the defensive backfield, I don’t see any reason why they don’t tattoo the Bungles. The line’s ENOURMOUS at 13 ½, and I’m takin’ it.
JACKSONVILLE @ CHICAGO
If Da Bears are going to go for the division championship, it starts here. Jacksonville is one of the biggest underachievers this year; never mind that the injury bug has hit them particularly hard. You still have to play the game and fight. They’ll be in the frosty December confines of Soldier Field, and Da Bears will be playing for their postseason lives. I have the feeling Del Rio’s lost his Jaggy-Whyers this year, and it will “bear” itself out in this game, and the remainder of the season. Da Bears are favoured by 6 ½ and I’ll take that.
HOUSTON @ GREEN BAY
This is another do-or-die game for The Packers. Their only chance for a shot at the playoffs is to win the division outright, and it starts with this game. Rogers is leading a prolific passing game, and if they can keep the Texans’ resurgent rush at bay, they’ve got a chance to win this one game. Matt Schaub comes back for this game, and he leads an underrated passing attack. This could be a lot like last week’s game against the Panthers. This late in the season, teams like Houston tend to play well. I think they play well here. I think the Packers will win, but it won’t be by the –6 they’re favoured by. Take Houston to cover.
CLEVELANDLAND @ TENNESSEE
The meltdown began in earnest for the Brownies when Quinn broke his finger. And now, eliminated from the playoffs, they go to league-leading Tennessee with Ken Dorsey at quarterback. This for all the world looks like a blowout, and I don’t even see pride as a motivating factor for those brown-and orange-and white unis. Another big line, and I think the Titans toy with these teenies. Take the Titans and the –13 ½.
MINI-SODA @ DETROIT
The suspensions of Pat and Kevin Williams really hurt the Vikings. Badly. They were part of a trio of monsters on the defensive line that excelled at stopping the run, and now, only Jared Allen remains to face relentless double-teams for the remainder of the year. Even though they are one game ahead of Da Bears, and two ahead of the Packers, they could collapse in these last four games. Not wanting to finish with the infamy of being the first NFL team to go 0-16 is plenty enough motivation for ANY professional sports franchise. The line is off for this game at this time, and I’m picking the Vikings by the slimmest of margins, much like their last meeting.
WARSHINGTOON @ BALTY-MOORE
This is pretty much the end of the line for the DeadSkins. They are faltering at precisely the wrong time, and coming to play a team that’s now brimming with confidence in the Ravens. They will likely be without MVP Clinton Portis, and that will make scoring on that stout defense even tougher. A win doesn’t guarantee anything for the FredSkins, but it does keep them alive for one more week. A win pushes the Ravens closer to clinching. The line favours Balty-Moore by –5 and I like the Ravens to quouthe muchly.
PHILTHYDELPHIA @ NY GEEEEEEEMEN
Pride would be the only motivating factor I could imagine for the Iggles on this day. The G’ints have simply been playing a different kind of football from virtually everyone else in the league save Tennessee and Pissburgh. Donavan McSnabb and co. came back to life in last week’s game against the Cardy-noles, but I don’t think it matters here, nor does Plaxico Burress’ legal troubles. The GeeMen are favoured by a touchdown, and that’s good for me.
ATLANTA @ NEW ORLEANS
Now, looky looky, here! Look who’s favoured over those smokin’ hot Duckies! The Saints really do play a different game in the SuperDome, and I wouldn’t expect that to change for this game. The Saints DO have some life, albeit faint, but a win over the team they MUST beat to have a chance gives Drew Brees and those Frisbee-catchin’ dawgs the impetus to launch a vertical attack on these guys. Save for a dumb interception late in last week’s game, we might be talking about the resurgent Saints. I expect a shootout of Big 12 magnitude. Experience to the veteran, and prolific passing scores more points than running. In this game it could help New Orleans. I lean to the Saints and the –3 points, and to survive one more week, while Dallas, Philthydelphia and Warshingtoon breath sighs of relief…
NY BRETS @ SAN FRANSISCO
Here’s a game that could trap, even doom the BRETS this week. Samurai’s boys played heroically at Buffalo, and even hung on in Dallas. I’d expect they’d be up for this game, no matter what happens in Arid-Zona. The Niners AND Singletary are playing for next year, and they won’t disappoint the faithful. There’s a reason NY threw a clunker at home to Denver, at CrOakland, and at Sad Diego. I think Samurai takes advantage of that. Playoff chokers those BRETS are, and this is my upset of the week. Even though the BRETS are favoured by –4 on the road I like the Niners straight up!
MIAMI @ BUFFALO in CANADA
The NorthMen get a rare NFL game played in the Ontario Province this Sunday, and there’s a rumbling that the team could relocate to Toronto. Not that I or anyone that’s not from The Empire State could care. The Bills for all intents and purposes are done. The game they played at home against a team they were supposedly better than, a game they HAD to win, was so poor I give them no chance at finishing the season better than 8-8. And it won’t start here. The game will be played in a dome, and the weather won’t be a factor. Advantage- Dolphins. Trent Edwards will probably not be healthy enough to play. Advantage- Dolphins. Motivation? Advantage- Dolphins. Favorite? Buffalo by a point. Advantage?
Dolphins.
KANSAS CITY @ DENVER
What to make of Denver? Are they the team who LOST to these very same Chefs, AND the SchRaiders? Or are they the juggernauts that slew the mighty Duckies, Buckies and BRETS? I’m actually terrified of picking this game. Other than three games, the Chefs have actually been fighting hard. I don’t expect that to stop, and I think the Broncoids have a tussle on their hands. They’ll likely win this game, but I think the Chefs cover those +9 points as that Broncoid sphincter shrivels up in the Rocky Mountain air…
ST. LOUIS @ ARID-ZONA
This is THE game that the Cardy-Noles simply need to take, and take convincingly. Even with Stephen Jackson returning for the Lambs, who’ve experienced their win total for the season, they are outmatched by Arid-Zona.
I’d expect the Cards to unleash all of the last two weeks frustrations on the hapless Lambs. They’ve been strong at home, and I’m certain that continues here. A win here clinches the playoffs, and they get it. By AT LEAST the –13 ½ points they’re favoured by.
DALLAS @ PISSBURGH
The nation’s afternoon eyes will be focused on this game on Sunday. The Cowbuppy fans will be hoping for a victory, the ignorant ones are expecting it, the rest of them who hate them and the notion that these overpaid, overhyped hand-picked athletes are “America’s Team”, will be pulling for the equally hated Pissburgh Squeelers to knock nine knots in their ass! For me it’s like pulling for Joe Stalin over Hitler. I don’t think Dallas will be able to penetrate that Squeeler D at their house, hell, not anywhere. And seeing that the offense is the strength of the Cowbaby team, I don’t give them much of a chance against a team that LEADS the LEAGUE in demoralizing, demonic, dominating, defining defense that also NEEDS to keep the Ravens at bay. Vegas loves the Cowpuppies too much. Pissburgh favoured by a mere –3 points, and I say they whoop ‘em by many times that number. Hell, that might be what the Cowbabies SCORE…
NEW ENGLANDLAND @ SEATTLE
The Pastry-Rots’ push for the postseason begins with a two–game road trip this Sunday Night to the immensely disappointing SeaDogs. Uncharacteristic turnovers doomed the Patsies last week against a punishing Squeeler team, I’d think a Dr. EvilCheck team doesn’t repeat that mistake two weeks in a row, particularly in the comfortable confines of Qwest Field. I think the team rebounds against a far lesser foe that’s playing out the string, uncertain of the coaching future of the franchise, and New EnglandLand, favoured by –5 points, wins decisively.
TAMPA BAY @ CAROLINA
At last, a Monday night game worthy of hype and hyperbole- Two 9-3 teams at the top of the conference, near the top of the league, with a mere handful of marketable stars, but a lot of heart and team fire. The NFC South has been the crucible of the league this year, especially at home. Don’t think the Panthers don’t remember the ass-kickin’ they got from Tampa in Week 6. That will NOT be repeated here. A warm-weather South Florida team will be facing a frosty night against a team that will be pumped. The division is on the line more so for the Panthers than the Bucs, and it will bear itself out in the way the game will be called by the coaching staff, and the manner in which it will be played. The outcome will not be close. Vegas likes the Panthers by –3, and they will win by far more than that. The division may not be won outright by a Panther win, but it will put them in great shape for it with strange and bumbling Denver coming in the following week.
There you go, Fanz. Get them bets in and enjoy the games-
Trust me, I’m a clairvoyant. Don’t believe me?
Last week- YEAH, BABY!- 12-4
Season on a comeback- 81-77
Gotta Comment?
E-mail me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
12-4.
12-4!!!
NOW THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKIN’ ABOUT!!!
That’s the way you want to go into the stretch run of the season! And that, my friends, is the record I predicted for the Panthers in the preseason. Three more to go- and the playoff participants are beginning to come into focus. The seeding has yet to be determined, but barring anything disastrous, you can pretty much count on the Titans, Squeelers, Ravens, Broncoids, GEEEEEMen, Panthers, Buckies, Duckies and Cardy-noles playing a game or two, or JUST MAYBE three in January. And a lucky pair will be playing a game in February.
With that in mind, I begin my drive to get on a two-week winnin’ streak… I’ve already broken down the playoff standings one rant ago, and you can scroll down and see it when you’re finished calling your bookie after reading this-
CrOAKLAND @ SAD DIEGO
Whhhooo Boy, another beauty for the elitist bastard NFL Network. A thoroughly engrossing battle for AFC supremacy…. Ehhhhhhhhccch. This is it for the Chargers. Really. Strange to think, I kinda saw this in the AFC Championship last year when LaDamian Thomlinson was sulking on the sideline when the Bolts still were in the game against the Pastry-Rots. That overall malaise has crept into the rest of the team. The talent level is pretty much the same as it was then; it’s not executing, or responding to Norv Turner. Strangely enough, there’s still a chance, however remote, that EITHER team could make the postseason, dependant on a total collapse by the Broncoids, which actually COULD happen. There’s a lack of inspired play in all phases of all games from both participants in this whining dog of a game, and I am so hesitant to touch this stinker. Ecccchh. I just don’t wanna. Vegas is giving the Schraiders a whopping ten points. Wouldn’t surprise me to see them win. Reluctantly, I lean to the Schraiders to cover, and for Sad Diego to hang on to life for one more week.
CINCINATTAH @ INDIANAPOLIS
The Sunday slate begins with a potential blowout at the LukeDome. The Colts are getting it together at the right time, despite an ugly victory at Clevelandland last week. Even without Bobby Sanders in the defensive backfield, I don’t see any reason why they don’t tattoo the Bungles. The line’s ENOURMOUS at 13 ½, and I’m takin’ it.
JACKSONVILLE @ CHICAGO
If Da Bears are going to go for the division championship, it starts here. Jacksonville is one of the biggest underachievers this year; never mind that the injury bug has hit them particularly hard. You still have to play the game and fight. They’ll be in the frosty December confines of Soldier Field, and Da Bears will be playing for their postseason lives. I have the feeling Del Rio’s lost his Jaggy-Whyers this year, and it will “bear” itself out in this game, and the remainder of the season. Da Bears are favoured by 6 ½ and I’ll take that.
HOUSTON @ GREEN BAY
This is another do-or-die game for The Packers. Their only chance for a shot at the playoffs is to win the division outright, and it starts with this game. Rogers is leading a prolific passing game, and if they can keep the Texans’ resurgent rush at bay, they’ve got a chance to win this one game. Matt Schaub comes back for this game, and he leads an underrated passing attack. This could be a lot like last week’s game against the Panthers. This late in the season, teams like Houston tend to play well. I think they play well here. I think the Packers will win, but it won’t be by the –6 they’re favoured by. Take Houston to cover.
CLEVELANDLAND @ TENNESSEE
The meltdown began in earnest for the Brownies when Quinn broke his finger. And now, eliminated from the playoffs, they go to league-leading Tennessee with Ken Dorsey at quarterback. This for all the world looks like a blowout, and I don’t even see pride as a motivating factor for those brown-and orange-and white unis. Another big line, and I think the Titans toy with these teenies. Take the Titans and the –13 ½.
MINI-SODA @ DETROIT
The suspensions of Pat and Kevin Williams really hurt the Vikings. Badly. They were part of a trio of monsters on the defensive line that excelled at stopping the run, and now, only Jared Allen remains to face relentless double-teams for the remainder of the year. Even though they are one game ahead of Da Bears, and two ahead of the Packers, they could collapse in these last four games. Not wanting to finish with the infamy of being the first NFL team to go 0-16 is plenty enough motivation for ANY professional sports franchise. The line is off for this game at this time, and I’m picking the Vikings by the slimmest of margins, much like their last meeting.
WARSHINGTOON @ BALTY-MOORE
This is pretty much the end of the line for the DeadSkins. They are faltering at precisely the wrong time, and coming to play a team that’s now brimming with confidence in the Ravens. They will likely be without MVP Clinton Portis, and that will make scoring on that stout defense even tougher. A win doesn’t guarantee anything for the FredSkins, but it does keep them alive for one more week. A win pushes the Ravens closer to clinching. The line favours Balty-Moore by –5 and I like the Ravens to quouthe muchly.
PHILTHYDELPHIA @ NY GEEEEEEEMEN
Pride would be the only motivating factor I could imagine for the Iggles on this day. The G’ints have simply been playing a different kind of football from virtually everyone else in the league save Tennessee and Pissburgh. Donavan McSnabb and co. came back to life in last week’s game against the Cardy-noles, but I don’t think it matters here, nor does Plaxico Burress’ legal troubles. The GeeMen are favoured by a touchdown, and that’s good for me.
ATLANTA @ NEW ORLEANS
Now, looky looky, here! Look who’s favoured over those smokin’ hot Duckies! The Saints really do play a different game in the SuperDome, and I wouldn’t expect that to change for this game. The Saints DO have some life, albeit faint, but a win over the team they MUST beat to have a chance gives Drew Brees and those Frisbee-catchin’ dawgs the impetus to launch a vertical attack on these guys. Save for a dumb interception late in last week’s game, we might be talking about the resurgent Saints. I expect a shootout of Big 12 magnitude. Experience to the veteran, and prolific passing scores more points than running. In this game it could help New Orleans. I lean to the Saints and the –3 points, and to survive one more week, while Dallas, Philthydelphia and Warshingtoon breath sighs of relief…
NY BRETS @ SAN FRANSISCO
Here’s a game that could trap, even doom the BRETS this week. Samurai’s boys played heroically at Buffalo, and even hung on in Dallas. I’d expect they’d be up for this game, no matter what happens in Arid-Zona. The Niners AND Singletary are playing for next year, and they won’t disappoint the faithful. There’s a reason NY threw a clunker at home to Denver, at CrOakland, and at Sad Diego. I think Samurai takes advantage of that. Playoff chokers those BRETS are, and this is my upset of the week. Even though the BRETS are favoured by –4 on the road I like the Niners straight up!
MIAMI @ BUFFALO in CANADA
The NorthMen get a rare NFL game played in the Ontario Province this Sunday, and there’s a rumbling that the team could relocate to Toronto. Not that I or anyone that’s not from The Empire State could care. The Bills for all intents and purposes are done. The game they played at home against a team they were supposedly better than, a game they HAD to win, was so poor I give them no chance at finishing the season better than 8-8. And it won’t start here. The game will be played in a dome, and the weather won’t be a factor. Advantage- Dolphins. Trent Edwards will probably not be healthy enough to play. Advantage- Dolphins. Motivation? Advantage- Dolphins. Favorite? Buffalo by a point. Advantage?
Dolphins.
KANSAS CITY @ DENVER
What to make of Denver? Are they the team who LOST to these very same Chefs, AND the SchRaiders? Or are they the juggernauts that slew the mighty Duckies, Buckies and BRETS? I’m actually terrified of picking this game. Other than three games, the Chefs have actually been fighting hard. I don’t expect that to stop, and I think the Broncoids have a tussle on their hands. They’ll likely win this game, but I think the Chefs cover those +9 points as that Broncoid sphincter shrivels up in the Rocky Mountain air…
ST. LOUIS @ ARID-ZONA
This is THE game that the Cardy-Noles simply need to take, and take convincingly. Even with Stephen Jackson returning for the Lambs, who’ve experienced their win total for the season, they are outmatched by Arid-Zona.
I’d expect the Cards to unleash all of the last two weeks frustrations on the hapless Lambs. They’ve been strong at home, and I’m certain that continues here. A win here clinches the playoffs, and they get it. By AT LEAST the –13 ½ points they’re favoured by.
DALLAS @ PISSBURGH
The nation’s afternoon eyes will be focused on this game on Sunday. The Cowbuppy fans will be hoping for a victory, the ignorant ones are expecting it, the rest of them who hate them and the notion that these overpaid, overhyped hand-picked athletes are “America’s Team”, will be pulling for the equally hated Pissburgh Squeelers to knock nine knots in their ass! For me it’s like pulling for Joe Stalin over Hitler. I don’t think Dallas will be able to penetrate that Squeeler D at their house, hell, not anywhere. And seeing that the offense is the strength of the Cowbaby team, I don’t give them much of a chance against a team that LEADS the LEAGUE in demoralizing, demonic, dominating, defining defense that also NEEDS to keep the Ravens at bay. Vegas loves the Cowpuppies too much. Pissburgh favoured by a mere –3 points, and I say they whoop ‘em by many times that number. Hell, that might be what the Cowbabies SCORE…
NEW ENGLANDLAND @ SEATTLE
The Pastry-Rots’ push for the postseason begins with a two–game road trip this Sunday Night to the immensely disappointing SeaDogs. Uncharacteristic turnovers doomed the Patsies last week against a punishing Squeeler team, I’d think a Dr. EvilCheck team doesn’t repeat that mistake two weeks in a row, particularly in the comfortable confines of Qwest Field. I think the team rebounds against a far lesser foe that’s playing out the string, uncertain of the coaching future of the franchise, and New EnglandLand, favoured by –5 points, wins decisively.
TAMPA BAY @ CAROLINA
At last, a Monday night game worthy of hype and hyperbole- Two 9-3 teams at the top of the conference, near the top of the league, with a mere handful of marketable stars, but a lot of heart and team fire. The NFC South has been the crucible of the league this year, especially at home. Don’t think the Panthers don’t remember the ass-kickin’ they got from Tampa in Week 6. That will NOT be repeated here. A warm-weather South Florida team will be facing a frosty night against a team that will be pumped. The division is on the line more so for the Panthers than the Bucs, and it will bear itself out in the way the game will be called by the coaching staff, and the manner in which it will be played. The outcome will not be close. Vegas likes the Panthers by –3, and they will win by far more than that. The division may not be won outright by a Panther win, but it will put them in great shape for it with strange and bumbling Denver coming in the following week.
There you go, Fanz. Get them bets in and enjoy the games-
Trust me, I’m a clairvoyant. Don’t believe me?
Last week- YEAH, BABY!- 12-4
Season on a comeback- 81-77
Gotta Comment?
E-mail me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com
03 December, 2008
THE QUARTERLY REPORT - 3RD QUARTER
December 3rd, 2008
PantherFanz, it gives me a great deal of pleasure to analyze each NFL team at the final leg of the season’s journey. Pleasurable because the Panthers are relevant, and in position to be a playoff force. Only the Titans and Giants hold better records than we do, and only the Bucs and Squealers have a record equal to us. And we get to take care of the Buccaneers on Monday night! As I always do, I start with the AFC, which for the first time in years, is the weaker conference-
AFC DIVISION LEADERS
TENNESSEE 11-1
PISSBURGH 9-3
NY BRETS 8-4
DENVER 7-5
It was apparent four weeks ago, and it’s still apparent now. The Titans will be the AFC’s top seed, barring an unprecedented collapse in all phases of their game. That WILL NOT happen to a Jeff Fisher coached team with the talent this team possesses. The next two games are Cleveland at home, and @Houston. Those really SHOULD be wins, which would clinch the division. The final two games could be tough, with Pissburgh at home, and @ Indy. The Pissburgh game could wind up being a 12-9 schlobberknocker of epic proportions. The Titans should finish no worse than 13-3, and possibly 14-2.
Pissburgh, on the other hand, gets a minor challenge from Dallas, and a HUGE game at Baltimore before the game at Tennessee. There’s a chance that the Ravens catch the Squealers with that win, making that game at Tennessee a vital, critical, MONSTER contest, before finishing with Clevelandland. They should finish no worse than 11-5, and possibly 12-4, and earning the #2 seed, and considering the absolute beating Rothlisberger has taken this year, is nothing short of a minor miracle. I was certain they were dead, but the stellar defense has more than made up for their offensive shortcomings. The NY BRETS, with their monster win over the Titans two weeks ago, couldn’t live with prosperity and were soundly THUMPED at home to a vastly inferior Denver team. With a slim lead over the Dolphins and Pastry-Rots, they can’t take ANY of their final four opponents lightly- They start with a suddenly competitive San Francisco team on the Left Coast, and then get the plummeting Bills, and then finish with ANOTHER exhaustive west coast trip to the Seadogs. A final contest against the Dolphins at home could be a monster game. On paper, the BRETS ought to finish 12-4, but that Denver game has me doubting the BRETS ability to close out an inferior opponent. I think at least one of those four teams play spoiler, and it’s possible the Dolphins push them to 10-6, eliminating the B*R*E*T*S BRETS BRETS BRETS. I simply can’t figure out Denver. A collapse against a TERRIBLE CrOakland team at home, followed by a TRASHING of the “vaunted” BRETS makes be believe they could lose the remaining four games, or win all of them. There’s no gimme on their schedule, given one of their losses comes against their next opponent at home, the Kansas City Chefs. They follow that with a late game against the Panthers in Charlotte, at home to Buffalo, and then close out with a Charger team in San Diego that may already be eliminated. One more win by the Broncoids clinches the wretched division for them, and I think they finish no better than 9-7, getting the #4 seed, and a matchup at home with a far better wild card team.
AFC WILD CARD BATTLE
1-INDIANAPOLIS 8-4
2-BALTY-MORE 8-4
3-MIAMI 7-5
4-NEWENGLAND 7-5
5-BUFFALO 6-6
I’ve got this feeling that the last two spots in the conference will go to those 8-4 teams. If you look at the schedule for Indy, their next three games come against bottom dwellers Cinncinattah & Detroit at home, and at Jacksonville. That gets them to the finale with the Titans at home, who may already have the #1 seed locked up. A 12-4 finish is not out of the question for the Colts, and interestingly enough, the division OR the #1 seed is not out of the realm of possibility, however unlikely that is. But I feel certain the #5 seed is a given for these resurgent Colts. The Balty-Moore Ravens have a tougher stretch, but the next two games are at home against the collapsing DeadSkins, and the Squealers. Then they go to Dallas, who may have already seen their playoff chances squashed. They then finish at home against the garbage Jack-off-whyers. The Ravens should finish no worse than 10-6, and an 11-5 finish is plausible. Seeds wrapped up. The next three candidates all hail from the highly combative East division. Highest ranked is Miami, who MUST win at Buffalo in the Great White North this weekend. Should they win that game, they finish with San Francisco at home, and get KC and the BRETS on the road. That BRETS game could likely decide the division. A finish of 11-5 is possible, and if THAT happens, the Dolphins would win the #3 seed, and the BRETS just might be beat out of the wild card slot by the Ravens. The Pastry-Rots spend three of their next four games on the road, not an enviable spot. They spend the first two weeks at Seattle, and at CrOakland, then get Arid-Zona at home before a finale with Buffalo. A loss in ONE of those games may doom them. Losses to the BRETS and Dolphins don’t favour the Patsies in tie-breakers, and a finish of anything less than 11-5 sees them missing the playoffs, and another correct pre-season call for the Cedar Street Seer. At 6-6, Buffalo is on the verge of elimination. The game this weekend in Canada against Miami is of the utmost importance. If they lose that game, the next three against a challenging trio of the BRETS, Broncoids, and Pastry-Rots may not matter. That bad loss at home to the Phoney-Niners pretty much convinced me that the Bills play spoiler at best. I haven’t included two teams still mathematically alive, that being Sad Diego and Houston, but at 4-8, and needing intervention by benevolent karma, as well as winning their final four, the postseason isn’t likely. One more loss for either will eliminate them from playoff consideration. A glance at the schedule for both reveals games against contenders that must win, and that’s a tall order.
CURRENT AFC DRAFT ORDER FOR THE TIM TEBOW SWEEPSTAKES
2- CINCINATTAH
4- KANSAS CITY
6- CrOAKLAND
8- CLEVELANDLAND
10- JACKSONVILLE
12- HOUSTON
NFC DIVISION LEADERS
NY GEE MEN 11-1
CAROLINA/TAMPA TIED @ 9-3
ARID-ZONA 7-5
MINI-SODA 7-5
Just like the Titans in the AFC, it’s a safe bet that the G’ints lock up the #1 seed with their next two wins, which are virtually a certainty, unless the drama surrounding Plaxico and his gun woes wind up hurting the team, again, not very likely. They entertain the Fleeguls, and then go to Dallas, two teams that absolutely could not stop them this season so far. They then get two supposedly tough games with the Panthers at home, and @ the Vikings. I guess they COULD lose ONE of these games, and then again, given the level of play they’ve exhibited, they could win them all. I say they go to 14-2, and the NFC championship runs through that swamp in New Joisey. Carolina gets their next two at home, where they are undefeated, against the Bucs and Broncoids, and then go to the G’ints, and close out on the road against the Saints, who will likely be out of playoff contention. A 12-4 finish and the #2 seed for the ‘Cats is certainly a possibility. The Bucs get their next two on the road, against them Panthers, who owe them something for the butt-kickin’ they got in Week 6, and at the Duckies, who are getting hot at the right time, and will be very, very, hard to beat at home. The good news for Tampa is they finish with the Chargers and CrOakland at their place, and like the Panthers, could finish 12-4, or 11-5. Should they finish tied with the Panthers, THEY will win the division and the #2 seed, and the Panthers go to the #5 seed. The Cardy-noles are in terrific shape as long as they win ONE more game – shouldn’t be a problem with home games against the Lambs and Seadogs. They get the Vikings at home and go east for the Pastry-Rots, and be a surprisingly weak #3 seed at 9-7. I think the Vikings have a really tough stretch of games after this weekend’s tilt at Detroit, and that may not necessarily be a gimme, given the ONE POINT win at the Metrodome earlier this year. After the Leos, they must go to Arid-zona, and then get a dangerous pair of games to finish with the Duckies and the G’ints at home. They will HAVE to win ONE of those two to have any chance at the playoffs, because the wild card for any of the NFC North teams isn’t happening. The good news is they have the tie breakers over DaBears and Packers, and 9-7 does it for them as a #4 seed. The bad news is, they will have to do it without their defensive stalwarts, Kevin and Pat Williams (not related) in the Bumentenide flap. This will be a tough 4 games for the Vikes.
NFC WILD CARD/DIVISIONAL BATTLE
1- ATLANTA 8-4
2- DALLAS 8-4
3- WARSHINGTOON 7-5
4- PHILTHYDELPHIA 6-5-1
5- CHICAGO 6-6
6- NEW ORLEANS 6-6
7- GREEN BAY 5-7
The ridiculously tight NFC North race is keeping this list high, and the Packers in it, especially with the illegal substance suspensions hurting the Vikings. Only Atlanta has a reasonable good chance of making the final #6 slot, with all four of their last games quite winnable. Actually, the toughest game will be at New Orleans, where they have been really good at home. They get the Bucs next at home, and go to Mini-Soda then finish at home against the Lambs, who can’t wait to hit the island resort golf courses. They should finish AT LEAST 10-6, and even possibly 11-5. An outside shot at 12-4 is still possible, with a division win not out of the question, which would propel these overachieving Duckies to the #2 seed, and the Panthers and Bucs to the #5 and #6 seeds. If there’s a benevolence in the karmatic universe, I pray to God that doesn’t happen! Dallas is next in line with a brutal game at Pissburgh, at home to the G’ints and Ravens, and finishing at the uber-hostile confines of Philthydelphia’s Linc. 9-7 at best for the Cowbabies, and even 10-6 won’t do it, as the Duckies have a better conference record. Dallas would HAVE to win their last 4 games to have a shot at the division title, and the Gee-Men to lose all four. That ain’t happenin’, fanz. They will have to hope the Duckies go to 10-6 or worse, which also isn’t likely. Next up in the race rankings are the FredSkins, who are suddenly in dire straits with a jaunt up the BWP to the Ravens this weekend. A loss there may finish any chance for the wild card, and the final three games at Cincy, home to the Iggles, and at Samurai’s boys may not matter. Things are even worse for the Iggles, who aren’t even assured a spot with a sweep of their final four. And the first is a game AT the G’ints. They are realistically playing spoiler for the rest of the season, as well as for jobs in the next. The Bears are in a little better shape. They get the next three games at home, all winnable games against Jacksonville, New Orleans, and the Packers. They finish at Houston, and could possibly get to 10-6, but they will have to play their best football, and their defense is really old and tired. The Saints are in the same near-impossible boat the Iggles are sailing on these turbulent waters. They would have to win the last four, and hope for a myriad of losses on five other teams. Spoiler Saints, at best. And, because of the Viking’s mess, the Packers still actually have a shot at winning the division, IF they finish Houston at home, win at Jacksonville and Chicago, and deal the possible winless Leos at home for the final game, and IF they wind up tied with Da Bears. This scenario is far more likely than the ones for Dallas, Warshingtoon, Philthydelphia, or The Saints. How malevolently karmatic it is that the fate of these three NFC East teams and the Saints are directly tied to the performance of the Duckies. Those #%$(#^@#@!~(%)&* bastards hold their meager playoff chances in their wretched talons, so to speak. I just can't stand it. I wasn’t going to include Green Bay in this list until the news about the Bumentenide stuff came out. I’m not including San Francisco, who is mathematically alive, but let’s get real, one win by the Cardy-noles will knock them out, and that’s a given. Get ‘em next year, Samauri…
CURRENT NFC DRAFT ORDER IN THE TIM TEBOW SWEEPSTAKES-
1-DETROIT
3-SAINT LOUIS
5-SEATTLE
7-SAN FRANCISCO
11-GREEN BAY
Ok, so based on this report, let’s see what my bruised but functioning clairvoyance gland foresees for the postseason-
In the AFC’s first round, Denver gets WHOOPED and BADLY by the Colts. Miami, yes, MIAMI makes it’s first playoff appearance in years and promptly collects a loss to the Ravens. And the Ravens play the Titans tough, but lose. The Colts get beat by the Squealers, and in possibly the lowest scoring championship game ever, the Titans finish the Squealers.
In the NFC, Arid-zona, at home, manages to lick the Bucs. The Duckies upset DaBears, and are subsequently plucked by the GEEEEEMen. The Cardy-noles meet the same fate at the claws of the Panthers, and sorry Fanz….
I’m just not feelin’ a January 18th victory at Giants Stadium. Of course, we have a chance, a puncher’s chance even-
But.
Giants over Titans in the Stupid Bowl.
There you go faithful readers, my first third quarter report EVER as the official PantherFanz ranter.
I’ll be back tomorrow with the handicap for Week 14.
Gotta Comment?
E-mail me, The Cedar Street SeerCaptnTee@aol.com
PantherFanz, it gives me a great deal of pleasure to analyze each NFL team at the final leg of the season’s journey. Pleasurable because the Panthers are relevant, and in position to be a playoff force. Only the Titans and Giants hold better records than we do, and only the Bucs and Squealers have a record equal to us. And we get to take care of the Buccaneers on Monday night! As I always do, I start with the AFC, which for the first time in years, is the weaker conference-
AFC DIVISION LEADERS
TENNESSEE 11-1
PISSBURGH 9-3
NY BRETS 8-4
DENVER 7-5
It was apparent four weeks ago, and it’s still apparent now. The Titans will be the AFC’s top seed, barring an unprecedented collapse in all phases of their game. That WILL NOT happen to a Jeff Fisher coached team with the talent this team possesses. The next two games are Cleveland at home, and @Houston. Those really SHOULD be wins, which would clinch the division. The final two games could be tough, with Pissburgh at home, and @ Indy. The Pissburgh game could wind up being a 12-9 schlobberknocker of epic proportions. The Titans should finish no worse than 13-3, and possibly 14-2.
Pissburgh, on the other hand, gets a minor challenge from Dallas, and a HUGE game at Baltimore before the game at Tennessee. There’s a chance that the Ravens catch the Squealers with that win, making that game at Tennessee a vital, critical, MONSTER contest, before finishing with Clevelandland. They should finish no worse than 11-5, and possibly 12-4, and earning the #2 seed, and considering the absolute beating Rothlisberger has taken this year, is nothing short of a minor miracle. I was certain they were dead, but the stellar defense has more than made up for their offensive shortcomings. The NY BRETS, with their monster win over the Titans two weeks ago, couldn’t live with prosperity and were soundly THUMPED at home to a vastly inferior Denver team. With a slim lead over the Dolphins and Pastry-Rots, they can’t take ANY of their final four opponents lightly- They start with a suddenly competitive San Francisco team on the Left Coast, and then get the plummeting Bills, and then finish with ANOTHER exhaustive west coast trip to the Seadogs. A final contest against the Dolphins at home could be a monster game. On paper, the BRETS ought to finish 12-4, but that Denver game has me doubting the BRETS ability to close out an inferior opponent. I think at least one of those four teams play spoiler, and it’s possible the Dolphins push them to 10-6, eliminating the B*R*E*T*S BRETS BRETS BRETS. I simply can’t figure out Denver. A collapse against a TERRIBLE CrOakland team at home, followed by a TRASHING of the “vaunted” BRETS makes be believe they could lose the remaining four games, or win all of them. There’s no gimme on their schedule, given one of their losses comes against their next opponent at home, the Kansas City Chefs. They follow that with a late game against the Panthers in Charlotte, at home to Buffalo, and then close out with a Charger team in San Diego that may already be eliminated. One more win by the Broncoids clinches the wretched division for them, and I think they finish no better than 9-7, getting the #4 seed, and a matchup at home with a far better wild card team.
AFC WILD CARD BATTLE
1-INDIANAPOLIS 8-4
2-BALTY-MORE 8-4
3-MIAMI 7-5
4-NEWENGLAND 7-5
5-BUFFALO 6-6
I’ve got this feeling that the last two spots in the conference will go to those 8-4 teams. If you look at the schedule for Indy, their next three games come against bottom dwellers Cinncinattah & Detroit at home, and at Jacksonville. That gets them to the finale with the Titans at home, who may already have the #1 seed locked up. A 12-4 finish is not out of the question for the Colts, and interestingly enough, the division OR the #1 seed is not out of the realm of possibility, however unlikely that is. But I feel certain the #5 seed is a given for these resurgent Colts. The Balty-Moore Ravens have a tougher stretch, but the next two games are at home against the collapsing DeadSkins, and the Squealers. Then they go to Dallas, who may have already seen their playoff chances squashed. They then finish at home against the garbage Jack-off-whyers. The Ravens should finish no worse than 10-6, and an 11-5 finish is plausible. Seeds wrapped up. The next three candidates all hail from the highly combative East division. Highest ranked is Miami, who MUST win at Buffalo in the Great White North this weekend. Should they win that game, they finish with San Francisco at home, and get KC and the BRETS on the road. That BRETS game could likely decide the division. A finish of 11-5 is possible, and if THAT happens, the Dolphins would win the #3 seed, and the BRETS just might be beat out of the wild card slot by the Ravens. The Pastry-Rots spend three of their next four games on the road, not an enviable spot. They spend the first two weeks at Seattle, and at CrOakland, then get Arid-Zona at home before a finale with Buffalo. A loss in ONE of those games may doom them. Losses to the BRETS and Dolphins don’t favour the Patsies in tie-breakers, and a finish of anything less than 11-5 sees them missing the playoffs, and another correct pre-season call for the Cedar Street Seer. At 6-6, Buffalo is on the verge of elimination. The game this weekend in Canada against Miami is of the utmost importance. If they lose that game, the next three against a challenging trio of the BRETS, Broncoids, and Pastry-Rots may not matter. That bad loss at home to the Phoney-Niners pretty much convinced me that the Bills play spoiler at best. I haven’t included two teams still mathematically alive, that being Sad Diego and Houston, but at 4-8, and needing intervention by benevolent karma, as well as winning their final four, the postseason isn’t likely. One more loss for either will eliminate them from playoff consideration. A glance at the schedule for both reveals games against contenders that must win, and that’s a tall order.
CURRENT AFC DRAFT ORDER FOR THE TIM TEBOW SWEEPSTAKES
2- CINCINATTAH
4- KANSAS CITY
6- CrOAKLAND
8- CLEVELANDLAND
10- JACKSONVILLE
12- HOUSTON
NFC DIVISION LEADERS
NY GEE MEN 11-1
CAROLINA/TAMPA TIED @ 9-3
ARID-ZONA 7-5
MINI-SODA 7-5
Just like the Titans in the AFC, it’s a safe bet that the G’ints lock up the #1 seed with their next two wins, which are virtually a certainty, unless the drama surrounding Plaxico and his gun woes wind up hurting the team, again, not very likely. They entertain the Fleeguls, and then go to Dallas, two teams that absolutely could not stop them this season so far. They then get two supposedly tough games with the Panthers at home, and @ the Vikings. I guess they COULD lose ONE of these games, and then again, given the level of play they’ve exhibited, they could win them all. I say they go to 14-2, and the NFC championship runs through that swamp in New Joisey. Carolina gets their next two at home, where they are undefeated, against the Bucs and Broncoids, and then go to the G’ints, and close out on the road against the Saints, who will likely be out of playoff contention. A 12-4 finish and the #2 seed for the ‘Cats is certainly a possibility. The Bucs get their next two on the road, against them Panthers, who owe them something for the butt-kickin’ they got in Week 6, and at the Duckies, who are getting hot at the right time, and will be very, very, hard to beat at home. The good news for Tampa is they finish with the Chargers and CrOakland at their place, and like the Panthers, could finish 12-4, or 11-5. Should they finish tied with the Panthers, THEY will win the division and the #2 seed, and the Panthers go to the #5 seed. The Cardy-noles are in terrific shape as long as they win ONE more game – shouldn’t be a problem with home games against the Lambs and Seadogs. They get the Vikings at home and go east for the Pastry-Rots, and be a surprisingly weak #3 seed at 9-7. I think the Vikings have a really tough stretch of games after this weekend’s tilt at Detroit, and that may not necessarily be a gimme, given the ONE POINT win at the Metrodome earlier this year. After the Leos, they must go to Arid-zona, and then get a dangerous pair of games to finish with the Duckies and the G’ints at home. They will HAVE to win ONE of those two to have any chance at the playoffs, because the wild card for any of the NFC North teams isn’t happening. The good news is they have the tie breakers over DaBears and Packers, and 9-7 does it for them as a #4 seed. The bad news is, they will have to do it without their defensive stalwarts, Kevin and Pat Williams (not related) in the Bumentenide flap. This will be a tough 4 games for the Vikes.
NFC WILD CARD/DIVISIONAL BATTLE
1- ATLANTA 8-4
2- DALLAS 8-4
3- WARSHINGTOON 7-5
4- PHILTHYDELPHIA 6-5-1
5- CHICAGO 6-6
6- NEW ORLEANS 6-6
7- GREEN BAY 5-7
The ridiculously tight NFC North race is keeping this list high, and the Packers in it, especially with the illegal substance suspensions hurting the Vikings. Only Atlanta has a reasonable good chance of making the final #6 slot, with all four of their last games quite winnable. Actually, the toughest game will be at New Orleans, where they have been really good at home. They get the Bucs next at home, and go to Mini-Soda then finish at home against the Lambs, who can’t wait to hit the island resort golf courses. They should finish AT LEAST 10-6, and even possibly 11-5. An outside shot at 12-4 is still possible, with a division win not out of the question, which would propel these overachieving Duckies to the #2 seed, and the Panthers and Bucs to the #5 and #6 seeds. If there’s a benevolence in the karmatic universe, I pray to God that doesn’t happen! Dallas is next in line with a brutal game at Pissburgh, at home to the G’ints and Ravens, and finishing at the uber-hostile confines of Philthydelphia’s Linc. 9-7 at best for the Cowbabies, and even 10-6 won’t do it, as the Duckies have a better conference record. Dallas would HAVE to win their last 4 games to have a shot at the division title, and the Gee-Men to lose all four. That ain’t happenin’, fanz. They will have to hope the Duckies go to 10-6 or worse, which also isn’t likely. Next up in the race rankings are the FredSkins, who are suddenly in dire straits with a jaunt up the BWP to the Ravens this weekend. A loss there may finish any chance for the wild card, and the final three games at Cincy, home to the Iggles, and at Samurai’s boys may not matter. Things are even worse for the Iggles, who aren’t even assured a spot with a sweep of their final four. And the first is a game AT the G’ints. They are realistically playing spoiler for the rest of the season, as well as for jobs in the next. The Bears are in a little better shape. They get the next three games at home, all winnable games against Jacksonville, New Orleans, and the Packers. They finish at Houston, and could possibly get to 10-6, but they will have to play their best football, and their defense is really old and tired. The Saints are in the same near-impossible boat the Iggles are sailing on these turbulent waters. They would have to win the last four, and hope for a myriad of losses on five other teams. Spoiler Saints, at best. And, because of the Viking’s mess, the Packers still actually have a shot at winning the division, IF they finish Houston at home, win at Jacksonville and Chicago, and deal the possible winless Leos at home for the final game, and IF they wind up tied with Da Bears. This scenario is far more likely than the ones for Dallas, Warshingtoon, Philthydelphia, or The Saints. How malevolently karmatic it is that the fate of these three NFC East teams and the Saints are directly tied to the performance of the Duckies. Those #%$(#^@#@!~(%)&* bastards hold their meager playoff chances in their wretched talons, so to speak. I just can't stand it. I wasn’t going to include Green Bay in this list until the news about the Bumentenide stuff came out. I’m not including San Francisco, who is mathematically alive, but let’s get real, one win by the Cardy-noles will knock them out, and that’s a given. Get ‘em next year, Samauri…
CURRENT NFC DRAFT ORDER IN THE TIM TEBOW SWEEPSTAKES-
1-DETROIT
3-SAINT LOUIS
5-SEATTLE
7-SAN FRANCISCO
11-GREEN BAY
Ok, so based on this report, let’s see what my bruised but functioning clairvoyance gland foresees for the postseason-
In the AFC’s first round, Denver gets WHOOPED and BADLY by the Colts. Miami, yes, MIAMI makes it’s first playoff appearance in years and promptly collects a loss to the Ravens. And the Ravens play the Titans tough, but lose. The Colts get beat by the Squealers, and in possibly the lowest scoring championship game ever, the Titans finish the Squealers.
In the NFC, Arid-zona, at home, manages to lick the Bucs. The Duckies upset DaBears, and are subsequently plucked by the GEEEEEMen. The Cardy-noles meet the same fate at the claws of the Panthers, and sorry Fanz….
I’m just not feelin’ a January 18th victory at Giants Stadium. Of course, we have a chance, a puncher’s chance even-
But.
Giants over Titans in the Stupid Bowl.
There you go faithful readers, my first third quarter report EVER as the official PantherFanz ranter.
I’ll be back tomorrow with the handicap for Week 14.
Gotta Comment?
E-mail me, The Cedar Street SeerCaptnTee@aol.com
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