Giving Thanks

November 25th, 2007

It’s been a few weeks since I’ve been able to rant- I’ve actually had to really bust my ass at work, and now, on the close of Thanksgiving Weekend, I feel it important to focus on that very state of thankfulness, the things that are REALLY important. Hey, like having to BUST MY ASS! Job security, friends, very underrated.

And as I digest the latest abortion I’ve had to endure for the FIFTH Time at the Pasture of Disasture, I have this to say to Jerry Richardson and His Carolina Panthurs-

THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!!

Thank you for allowing me to continue to purchase your overpriced tickets every year!

Thank you for providing me with a totally wasted three hours ten times a year, while you merrily count your earnings from woolen schmos like me that you fleece every April, and if there’s a whiff of a chance we could be playing in January, you get to fleece me in December, too, guaranteeing you a Merry Christmas! Thank you for that, Jerry Richardson!

Thank you for the promotion of Marty Hurney to GM, so that he can continue to poorly evaluate the talent pool so to make for an unwatchable contest whenever The PuddyCats take the field!

Thank you for sterilizing the gametime experience so that I can be bored and cheerless in my overpriced seat!

And lastly, thank you for not being accountable to the public and your fans, and hiding from the media when things don’t go well, so that you remain an enigma to the rest of us.

There.

That’s the five thank yous- the same five thank yous you pledged to deliver when you were awarded this franchise from the EHHHHHN EFFFFFFFFF EHHHHLLLLLLL.

Is that not thankful enough? Ok, I’ll dispense with the sarcasm. I’m upset as a fan. Football isn’t life, but goodness gracious, when you make a significant investment of time and money in support of a professional sports team; you want to see a return of your investment- this team has plummeted in value across the board, in on field performance, in gameday experience, hell, even Mick Mixon gets on my damn nerves now. What’s left?

I’m exceedingly grateful for PantherFanz. I’m grateful for Dano and Brain and Patrick and Russ and James and PeaDad and Julie and Chris, and all the other FANZ that show up and help make a party every gameday. Without this group, gameday would truly be unbearable. I’m grateful for that Canadian contingent that makes a yearly pilgrimage here and gives us a reason to really throw an incredible party. I’m grateful that some of us have picked up the load Marc was forced to lay down and keep the party going, better than ever. I’m thankful that a dedicated group of guys restored the Joker Smoker so that the tailgate party has the “altar of meat” every gameday. I’m grateful for Clay and every time he cranks up his pit!

Of course, there’s the other things in life that I can list here, but that’s everything all of you should be thankful for, and this happens to be a FOOTBALL site. You can come to my Sunday School class to hear me recite all of the basic things I appreciate in life. There is NOTHING about the Carolina Panthers of the EHHN EFFF EHHHHLL that I’m happy or grateful about. Ok, Jon Beason and Richard Marshall are playing lights out on defense. Steve Smith puts forth an effort. Last time I looked, it takes forty-four guys to make a football team. And I’ve determined that this football team is WRETCHED. There isn’t a phase of our game that’s even AVERAGE. At 4-7, with three home games left, with no help at quarterback, there is no Nick Goings or Steve Beurlein on this team to pull us up. I don’t see us winning another game. The cavalry has gone off to rescue the Cleveland Browns, The Denver Broncoids, and even give the Chicago Bears a little hope. Us? Abandon all hope, friends.

And what is the immediate result of this? You could speculate till next week and still come up with scenario after scenario as the talking heads on WFNZ earn their paycheck as they pick this maggot-infested TURKEY carcass of a football team (still going with the THANKSGIVING theme) as for me, the joy of gametime is gone. You know, even when we were 1-15, most of the time, we were in EVERY GAME we played, and we just found a way to snatch defeat from the jaws of victory, so it seems. This season? We’re not even competitive. Early in the season, I vowed not to cheer until the team started to show some effort. I’m going beyond that. For the remainder of the season, I’m putting to action what Marc envisioned during the tough times. You will not see me wear anything that promotes team spirit, because I have none. Oh, I’ll wear the tailgating shirt, because WE control if that sucks or not, and we’re just NOT going to let that happen! I’ll get good and buzzed at the tailgate party, and sit in my seat at gametime and hold my tongue, hold my voice, sit on my hands, until this underachieving and very forgettable season is put in the history books. From here on out, The Carolina Panthurs MUST EARN my cheer and my spirit. I know critics would violently berate me for feeling this way- “Sell your ticket, then!” they would say- “The team doesn’t want fans like YOU at the game!” And to that I say-

Again-

I made a considerable financial investment in the seats, like the rest of you did. If the product is terrible, I don’t have the option of simply “turning the TV off” or “changing the station”. I’m committed to the seats, and the team, good or bad, win or lose. I don’t have to be happy about the crappy place we’re at, and I’m entitled to vent about it. Without my check, and your checks, there IS no Carolina Panthurs. As far as the team goes, this season is LOST. LOST. There is no hope of winning anymore games, let alone any thoughts of postseason. As far as the future, let the media wags speculate on what this team needs, and who gets fired. Today I don’t care. I’ve become ambivalent about The Carolina Panthurs of the EHHN EFFF EHHHL. I’ll save that for another rant.

Today, I am clawless, joyless, cheerless, and voiceless about the team. But I’m thrilled about Pantherfanz. Let’s close out the season with three of the greatest of parties, and have a proper wake for the season come December 22nd. It’s something Marc would have us do.

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Email me, The Cedar Street Seer
CaptnTee@aol.com